My rendition of The Flying Forest. How it felt for me.
"Seated in the same corner I am now. Beer cans around. Quiet. Unanswered calls and texts. Ghost. Cold. 3pm, Saturday, February 18, 2017. Season 2, Episode 4: “The Flying Forest.” This is the episode that saved my life. I missed the airing that Wednesday. I always made sure to be home by 9pm. I was fairly new fan to the series I would say. One of the worst feelings is waking up and 1 hour into your day wanting to go back to sleep. Browsing social media - asking why I still had it, RU-vid... not much. Homework was left untouched since Monday. That Monday night I went at it again. The vicious, ridiculous cycle. So what now. Then I remembered to watch this episode.
On that exact day, it was the lowest point of my life. Fuck how it sounds. I didn’t want to be alive that day. Thoughts and an almost attempt but too scared. So why not watch The Magicians. Misery loves company and guess how fucking depressing was The Flying Forest. Episode before that felt like a season finale with how crazy it was. So this was the aftermath. Discovering his new world, becoming King having everything meant nothing. Quentin lost it all. That feeling of despair, guilt, shame, regret. I saw that in him as I felt in me. The episode did make me laugh with the forest high and El/Bambi but it was Quentin who I identified with. I’m watching this damn character like I’m seeing through me. Quentin lost Alice, the love of his life at that moment in time. I lost a part of myself that week while also 2 weeks in after a hard breakup.
Quentin gives up in the end. Surrenders. He goes on to live a solitary life at Plaxco and his story ends.. or so I thought. No one knows where he is because he doesn’t want to be found. Quentin could not live without her. Which is how I thought I could not without a substance. That weekend I packed my things and went away. Fine. I’ll do what Quentin did. I returned August of that year. Except I didn’t give up. The moment I came back I couldn’t stop thinking about that episode and what he did next. “I need to see how it ends” as silly as it sounds, those words helped drive me forward. I’m glad I’m here. Things aren’t 100% perfect but I’m glad I never gave up."
Reasons like this is why I'm so fucking passionate about The Magicians.
#TheMagicians #QuentinColdwater #NineInchNails
12 апр 2019
