This is the first Tedx that did not inspire me. It was insulting to us as parents and especially to Millennials. Millennials are not leaving home because rent cost 1,500 a month or more and to buy a home you need 70,000 down to purchase a home that is over 300,000. And your expected to do all this plus get married and have children all on less than 10.00 per hour. Starting out with a 50,000 debt from college with a degree that won't even get you hired. Not to mention to buy a new car you need over 30,000 which is a 6 or 7 year loan. Society is expecting millennials to do all this right out the door. As a parent when we left home we had steps you started out basically poor and worked your way up from rent to ownership. Our society needs to be more accommodating there needs to be places to rent for 500 a month. Cars they can buy that are under 12,000. Easier crediting ratings to even get any type of loan. I could go on and on...these young people change jobs because they are told how worthless they are. Compliment them once in a while. Us boomers don't have time to watch every move a Millennial makes we are too busy watching grandchildren and taking care of our own parents. A lot of Millennials help us out with all that we as parents can't do. So quit insulting Millennials and give them a hand up.
It's always been difficult to leave home. New cars and homes have always been unaffordable when you left home. Rent at a nice place has always been just beyond reach and required a roommate if you wanted to live there. The majority of people have always struggled financially leaving home, this is nothing new.
As a millennial, I disagree with just about everything she said was told to her by my peers ( first 3 minutes). My parents raised me to work hard, there were no rewards for average/below average performance and I earned all of the A's and degrees that I have. I own my own company, work is integrated into my life because I love what I do. Many in my generation are not interested in settling with the corporate way of life. We want to love our jobs and be able to spend time with our families at the same time. We aren't slackers, we just don't settle.
I direct styled sessions with other vendors (MUAs, boutiques, venues, models, etc.) as well as shoot events and portraits for non-commercial clients. My degree in graphic design allows me to work on other projects as well. I love it because I'm free to work from anywhere which is great because I get to travel when my husband goes out of town for work or when I want to spend time with family that lives out of state.
With all do respect one of her main points was the parenting situation. Your parents didn't coddle you and clearly you have been a success. hers were the same way and thus she is make the exact point
+mike jones Hadeed's point is that everyone's parents coddle their children except for hers. She pretty much says that a quarter of the way through the video.
My roommates were three relatively well-to-do straight white cis males, all of whom struggled in relationships, classes, and work from time to time. Not having to worry about food or physical safety doesn't mean validation is easy to come by.
Read her book man. That's not what she meant. Numerous times in her book, Permission to Screw Up, she mentions it is not a constant case, but it is something she, as a person who runs a company 95% made up of students, has seen. Take her phone calls of all the parents who try and defend their kids that work in the company.
I heard one time that accurate feedback is what builds confidence in kids. And inaccurate feedback knocks their confidence. If your kid finished last and you say "you did great", what they hear is "I only love those who do great". I think this is what Kristen is getting at here. Parental insecurity rubbing off on kids. Not negative feedback, or overly critical, or positive no matter what, but love and honesty. Easier said than done. When your kid finishes last you can, for example, ask them if they did their best. If they say "yes", tell them that is all we ask of you, to give it your best. "Eddie the eagle" is a symbol for this-doing your best. This is why he touched so many hearts. It wasn't that he won, but that he did what no one said he could do. He did his best. Qualifying for him was more powerful than winning for the others, and we all felt that. It's one of the reasons they made a movie about him. People underestimate the power and meaning of doing your best. While your children may not win everything they enter they will find what they are good at and you can love them anyway. Don't be embarrassed for them, love them anyway. Being embarrassed for them is another way of telling them they are not good enough, and they will sense that, in spite of the effort of your praise. They are already good enough and they don't need to win anything to be deserving of your loving honesty. Their best and be happy with who they are, and that is what you need to do to: be happy with who they are, not what you envision them of some day becoming. Some day may or may not happen. Doing your best is where it's at.
I fear this gives an overly simple message. Many kids have praise shortage. It isn't praise which is the problem. It is feedback in general being lazy.
Oh my goodness, this is a WONDERFUL talk. The fact that some people have made negative comments surprises me. The business that she has started, the help and real jobs (read that work experience) that she gives young people is GREAT. If you're young and student, this will be GREAT place to work. The negative comments are just pathetic, I'm so sorry that more people can't see what this wonderful woman has done for young people.
Mmmarvel the person excuse me for asking but are you this young woman's mother? Sounds like something a helicopter mom would say. She has a point worth listening too, but that doesn't make it exactly correct.
Moonstruc Meis - you caught me ... no, I'm no relation and have never met the woman. What I am is older and have a lot of life and life's experiences behind me. I see and meet FAR too many young people who don't understand what real work is. I applaud a person who has put themselves out there and tell the person that when you are done with school (and if you can't keep a certain grade point) you're done working here. Not only is she helping the 'snowflakes' but she has put her money and time in there as well. If only more young people were like her and more young people worked for her.
As a millennial, thank you so much for communicating what we are unable to. While my dad was not the norm and was more like your parents I still feel as though he cannot let me grow up and I don't know how. I graduated from university this year and I still feel lost.
I have both types of parent: My mom calls us out on our shit, and she makes sure that she lets us know why our ideas might turn out badly if we don't learn more. If we fail, she tells us to try harder and make smarter choices. And we love her for it. My dad constantly posts facebook statuses saying "Im so proud of my angels! My daughters are my life and they are the best!". He calls us constantly just to tell us he's proud of us. We tell him about our failures and how we need to make better decisions, and he just tells us that we're perfect successful angels. We are not successful. We aren't and we want to have more of a conversation about life, rather than just hearing that we're already successes. My parents have divorced when I was 8, so at least the parenting styles didnt have to clash in the same house.
You need to celebrate your failure because your failures are what leads to your success. If you teach that your failures are ok then they will not be afraid to attempt and fail something and waste what could be their greatest accomplishment because they are afraid of failure.
This is probably the best thing that could happen to these students before they hit the workforce. As an employee at the very beginning of the millennial curve (1980), I can say for certain that I really had to change my work ethic before I could start succeeding.
Wow, like i got a little teary at the end over everything she said cause i wasnt brought up with that "all are winners" attitude but damn if my mom didnt let me make mistakes or my own choices. This video hits so many important points for my generation its crazy
I'm not a Milennial but she's absolutely CORRECT! Needless to say alot of generalization took place, but her message is very clear. Allow your children to have decision making skills. This will translate in all aspects of their lives. Well said, I was just schooled and reinforced ideas I was originally thinking of to help my kids be good contribution to society.
Lorraine Morgan seriously you believe your children don't have decision making skills? Have you ever got your child to eat a vegetable they didn't like? You know why you haven't? Because they made the decision not to listen to you. Give your kids more credit. They have as much ability to make a decision as you do!
Honestly, my parents taught me decision making and critical thinking in a very good way. If I asked them a question they asked a question back of what do I think. They constantly encouraged me to think just by turning the question back to myself. Now when people come to me for advice I do the same thing to them... I ask back what they think, sometimes I do so by asking what they don't think to easier see what they do think. People with problems I tend to let fall and find their way to find their wings and fly and that is in their personal life and by being a friend and listening ear. We millenials understand millennials so why not give the support to eachother that we seek from generations that don't have the same perspective? They have other wonderful and fantastic perspectives and asking them all the questions you can while you still can to access the knowledge they possess is way better time spent then asking for needs that are not their strong suit. Be self fulfilling and ask it of yourself instead. Other generations need to be talked to but instead try asking for their life story. You will connect much better when you exchange stories instead of opinions or needs.
Interesting how Hadeed generalizes an entire generation, stating such thoughts as "we were given Bs with a row of stickers," and "we were raised with praise." "Our teachers gave us As, but did we deserve them? Probably not all the time." Then she explains that the world that we live in is about individualization. Good job individualizing our generation! I have never received a grade I did not deserve. If Hadeed truly believes that we believe that we are "special," why in the world did I believe last semester that a 3.95 was not good enough because it wasn't a 4.0? Furthermore, Hadeed states that "we've all been treated the same." Maybe she has, but it would be far from true to say that our entire generation has been treated the same. Walk down any high school in the United States and you will find students that are shunned by their peers, ignored by their teachers, and don't have friends. How would you explain to that student that they are treated as an equal to the class president or quarterback for the football team?
So you only hire kids with a 3.5 but then say they don’t gain life skills from their grades..... why not hire based on a trial period. I got a b on a project but found out my teacher gave everyone a b so now I can’t get in so cool I guess. My point is give us a chance to prove you wrong.
This was great. If we can't create a large group of people that are independent they will turn to the government for help. Oh...wait that was the point isn't it. I saw a couple have a texting fight at a restaurant without ever saying a word to each other. YUCK! Where is the passion? Kristen Hadeed has encouraged me to start looking into doing my passion. I look forward to learning more about how student maid is managed. ;-)
+Craig Joyner " If we can't create a large group of people that are independent they will turn to the government for help." - Look at all the worthless, economically uneducated, parasitic Millennials voting for Bernie Sanders. Enough Said.
never once got a trophy for participation. do those actually exist/ i've had negative feedback before. who are these people with no negative feedback/ none (or almost none, about 99%) of what you said is not true for me, and yet i'm a millennial
I think the term millennial is a bit tricky. I'm 30 and when I was in school things like participation awards were around, but not terribly common, by the time I was teaching 3rd grade at the age of 23 they were everywhere! Those children are now 17-18, so it's a bit of an issue with the nomenclature as far as exactly who the millennials are. When I was teaching, and working with students in my undergraduate days, I often had parents expecting teachers to give better grades with no extra work on the students part, so it is an issue. However, it is now time for anyone over the age of 16 to look around realize the world they're in an make adjustments themselves and not just blame their parents for rescuing them.
We got them in elementary school for field day, and I never once though of them as anything that will have a negative impact. No one took the purple ribbons seriously, we were hoping to get 1st, 2nd, or 3rd ribbons. The purple ones were just there for everyone, treated as, hey you were part of this thing you were required to be a part of. This whole thing about how we were raised to feel special is way exaggerated and not one of the things that defines out generation. I am telling you, I feel it's utter bullshit. No one in the schools I went to growing up was given an A without deserving it, we all stressed out over our grades. It's kind of this whole belief the millennial generation feels entitled, which I think is simply BS, I think everyone feels entitled when they're young, it's not because we're raised spoiled.
im 28 and i always wanted to be metal star playing rythum guitar in a band a lot like korn or metallica and an architect/business man and then later on discovered because of my mental illness those careers will never happen i will always live in group home and subsidized apartments for the rest of my life it broke my heart and i will for ever have doubt in my heart and mind
As another millennial named Sierra with a 4.0 GPA in my second degree, this talk was full of contradictions and advertisement for her company. Not the academic quality I look for in TedTalks. She just points fingers and thinks she's better than others - the irony!
After reading her book "Permission to Screw Up", I am highly impressed with Kristen. I see a lot of negative comments on this video and I think those people should go read her book.
***** LOL the thumbs up are people like you who hear me talk about it and simply thumb it up. You made your comment 3 minutes after I told you about the video, clearly you haven't watched it and formed a baseless opinion, you seem to be very adept at that. Speaking of stalking... how many times are you going to join threads I am on to simply tell me I am a stalker? You are borderline harassing me. Please stop and get a life. I don't wish to talk to you.
***** look at this thread here.. Nick makes comment to the public *months ago*... Neo *searches* for Nicks comment, sees it has *nothing to do with Neo*, yet messages Nick saying he is a stalker and she will report him...just like *every single other thread*... If you want me to "leave you alone"... 4 words for you.... Shut the fuck up.
***** I'm entitled to my opinion, especially when it's right. 2 total comments on 2 total videos isn't harassment... so, kindly go fuck yourself please.
***** I tell people like you to go fuck themselves; it's a full time job. You are totally welcome to STFU at any time. Clearly you have nothing to do but send me hateful comments and preach how awesome some liar is. You are amazing.
What school did they go to where they were given As without deserving them? This is something I've never heard of from other millennials. I stressed out over not passing classes in high school, and apparently most of my generation didn't?!
About the only thing I have issue with in her talk is at the end when she tells us what Millennial's want. They want freedom, freedom to choose their own work schedules. What? So you're going to be an air traffic controller but you're going to come in when you want? My business operates during normal business hours, when people come in to see you or discuss a problem they want to SEE you, they don't want to call. When we (you and I) need to talk, I expect, I need you to be in your office during normal working hours so we can talk, plan get on with work. Not call you to discuss and see you on a hit and miss basis.
Participation trophies are just a reminder that my family/teachers don’t think I’m good enough the way I am. I would rather get some Bs and Cs than straight A’s if it’s sincere
I hear a lot of americans saying teachers reward and praise every student. This is so not true in Europe at least. The student of the month didn't exist, we didn't get stickers or participation trophies. Like that's fucked up. If you were the best, you'd get nothing but straight 100% on the tests, that was it
I don't know where else to say this... I'm ashamed to be a mellinal! We are 1/3 the working population. We sit still and watch the .1% take our futures. We sit silent instead of answering the call to defend our freedoms and our futures. Time is running out... my expectations are high... I am feeling low and helpless. Where is our John Lennon? We should be ashamed and we will get what we deserve. What do you deserve? Namaste...
I really don't know these millenials who are so entitled because of participation awards. I received a few of them but I always new when I deserved something and I didn't lose ambition. My ambition wasn't based on the award. It was internally motivated and I believe that's the same for the people I know. So, when I hear these speeches it makes me wonder what people they are looking at.
*_How incredibly ironic._* Talks to the "older generations" sounding as *entitled* as can be, while lecturing them how they have caused this stereotypical view of us millennials as this privileged, victimized, and pampered generation. _im not supprised they all quit her business on the first day lamo, this was a cringe fest from the start_
Thank you. THANK YOU. I wish my parents didn't praise me for everything when growing up. I wish my teachers didn't praise me for everything growing up. I'm currently 21, and in my third year of college and I'm completely LOST as to what to do with my life.... Such a wonderful talk.
+SpringTime , Most of us 30 years ago didn't know either. Why is anyone supposed to "know what to do with the rest of [your] life" ??? Most people just got the best job they could; some kept looking for jobs that were more in their interest area, others didn't. The expectation that people will be able to make a life plan and stick to it is largely unrealistic, and some of the happiest people I know followed the unexpected paths that life presented them, doing some very odd jobs along the way.
Overly dramatic, gross. One big ad for her company, bleh. How about we identify reasons why parents that were raised without participation trophies and whatnot now ARE raising their kids this way? Why aren't parents raising their kids the same way they were raised?
Uh.....did you have a point that isn't swooping generalizations? No seriously. You say millennials but perhaps you're conversation focus should be on people that had helicopter parents. Because they exist in every generation. The wants and needs you speak of aren't specific to that one either. In fact they are fairly common. Do not get me wrong it's a good solution, a solid way of teaching. But perhaps the better way of thinking is IF you hire someone young. Be prepared for them to screw up because they are learning. Know that not everyone will, but be prepared just in case. This is actually a tactic places already use. It is called the probationary period. Because companies recognize that a new person might screw up regardless of age. If you fail too much then you are out. But I do have a problem with your message as well. They are anxious yes. But because they don't fully understand how to so something. That's normal if you have never done something or something will change everything. What they are experiencing is normal. It's people like you who say it's not that make it worse. You act like fear of failure is something that is not only pervasive in them it is only ascribed to them. When quite the opposite is true. As someone who completely understands such anxieties having more than my fair share. You are not wrong in that you just have to let them do it. You are wrong however in thinking your experience was normal for anyone. Statistically YOU are the outlier here. The outlier I might add with a bit of a big ego. Acting as if your solution for life pertains to millions. The idea should come across as don't be helicopter parents. It does not. In fact it comes across more millennials are fucked. That they lack coping skills, but at the same time don't. I am not sure you bounce around your point a bit an contradict yourself. I can tell you were super excited to do this. But please, it's a fun idea but please do more study on the topic.
+Imperial Inquisition Ordo Hereticus Bite me? It was a mistype. Such a thing happens on phones. The rest of the post used it correctly. If it was one sentence you might have some ground. But it's one contraction that clearly is meant to be the other word.
It may not be specific to any generation, but it has been magnified in this generation and complemented with tools that allow instant gratification and a 'work hard' mantra that fools us into thinking we can make as much as we want doing whatever we want. The everybody is a winner mentality has also enforced the helicoptering by allowing parents to say "you're a winner" even if the child lost. Maybe what they should have said is, "We're sorry you lost." And instead of go to college, they should just tell us to make sure we can get the job/career we want. Maybe instead of saying a kid needs a cell phone for emergencies, we can pull the cell phone until they're 16-17, maybe even driving. This is why I'm against 14 year olds having cell phones. People always tell me how normal it is for them to see 10 year olds with cell phones and that somehow makes it okay. I'm against participation ribbons. I'm against trying to prevent your kids from making mistakes. I can encourage someone to use a condom, but I can't force them to. Hell, as a speedrunner, I hate when a game simply has a loading screen. It annoys me. And being gifted with games that hand almost 0 loading screens when I was younger contributed to that.
See how she is getting angry two third into her speech. And keeps blaming the parents for ruining the millennial's life. If you really want to grow up, be responsible for your own life. Don't blame to parents. But instead she spends not even a second thanking her parents for giving her a stable environment to grow up. Step number 1 for growing up is to be thankful for what you have and the people who love you, not to tell them what they should have done for you!!
excuse me, who are you? maybe in your life, you were treated that way, but not every millennial is like that, or grew up with "praise". However, I grew up knowing I was "special", because my dad died when I was 8. The failing school system allowed bullying to happen, and despite her efforts of helping me make friends, my only friend was my teacher. The economy failed me as it did not assist my mother, who already had the stresses of dealing with a husband who was dying, let alone taking care of 2 kids. The system failed me as I couldn't get the tests and medication I needed to find out I had ADHD, despite my mother being a nurse. The whole god damn system failed me.The society many grew up in isn't from pandering and coddling, despite what 60-year-old people say. Not everyone had my experience, I know, but to say we are afraid of failure because of how we are brought up is one thing, but who brought us up? Old people who thought it would be nice to rob us of any sort of positive future only to go away on holidays in a country where the poor are getting poorer and sit on their computers in a 4 star hotel writing articles about how millennials cannot find a job? Old people who believed it was best to completely mess up our environment in hopes of making profits off of plastic, leaving US to deal with the toxins and the extinction of animals? Old people who believe in investing in houses, but cannot stand the thought of homeless youth finding a place to stay after being kicked out of their house for reasons as old as they are? Old people who figured out that cheating and robbing minorities was a good way to make money, only to complain about their ability to stand up for themselves? Old people who understood that their gain in their final years was more important than any other generation's ability to cope financially, environmentally, culturally and socially? We are not left with anything you say, honey. We are left with crippling debt if we can ever achieve a degree, no ability to afford a house, no secure jobs, no financial services that will help us, no politicians in power to help us, but to put the icing on the cake, no sympathy or action from old people and people like you. How DARE you tell us we have it easy. We are left with piling shit left to us by the generation of greed, gluttony, and contempt for the people trying to make their lives better.
Granted this is going to sound arrogant but Has just as much to do with the idiotic notion of "yolo" and live while your young. Can't buy a home because rental costs+lowering wages+student debt= much higher cost via lower average wage and inflated prices? It's ok, life's hard, spend all your money on going out and having a good time "travel" and don't worry about it, never mind the fact that in your twenties you'll have the least expenses over the course of your life- no children are not cheaper than college debt. Instead of accepting our generation got shafted due to massive debt, huge inflation and a stagnant economy and we'll have to work harder for the same things our parents got, we instead say we got screwed and choose to live in la la land instead of putting our noses to the grindstone and making plays. I'm 26 and the have people I work with that twice my age under me. Bottom line is get used to having people question you and use that as motivation and not let it get to you. The world doesn't care about your feelings, it only cares about your effort and the way you treat people. Get thick skin, take it on the chin and smile back, value true friends and don't get too hard on yourself but also recognize that we have it a hell of a lot better than other places in this world. Our grandparents had it worse in the depression, granted they also had it better after the war then we ever will but when times get tough value the good things in your life and do your best. Ambition is not a lost virtue.
She's talking about millennials who are actually educated and qualified. Unfortunately, the millennials can't differentiate between college-educated, highly-skilled young people and themselves. A lot of these kids never went beyond highschool, are barely literate (honestly do not know the difference between "you're" and "your" or "there", "their", and "they're" or "everyday" and "every day" or even "are" and "or"), have never stayed at a job more than a few days, weeks, or months, and never worked at anything more advanced than retail or fast food. They cannot be motivated by money and if a job is at all challenging, they'd rather just do nothing and let their mommy continue taking care of them. They don't care if they get fired and will stand there and stare at the wall even when their boss is looking right at them, rather than do anything at all they've been told to do. All the information I've seen about how to manage millennials has been for high-value millennials, but there's nothing on what to do with the cashiers, dishwashers, shelf stockers, or any other minimum-wage type performers. They are completely inept, lazy, insubordinate, and have zero work ethic. I think everybody fully understands jobs that are not challenging or leave employees feeling unfulfilled. But most of these kids aren't curing cancer at their mall, fast food, or grocery store jobs. The sad part is, the menial tasks that used to be given to children - before child labor laws eliminated that - are beyond this generation's ability or comprehension. They will see they're doing it wrong and just shrug their shoulders and wander off to snapchat instead; leaving the task undone or done wrong, for someone else to finish or fix. Then, they honestly can't understand why they're getting taken aside; so they quit. They are thin-skinned, cannot deal with criticism, will argue if you try to show them a better (or the correct) way to perform a task, and will honestly just stop working after a few minutes and wander aimlessly EVEN WHEN WATCHED. Obviously, these kids have never gotten into any trouble. They've never been corrected at home and, chances are, their parents (probably mostly moms) interfered if they were sanctioned at school.
