Jocie was my neighbor growing up. She babysat me many times. This is the most amazing woman telling the saddest story. I have so many great stories of her generosity.
I worked in a nursing home as a teenager. A very expensive, "high end" nursing home. The people with dementia and those with infrequent family visits are ignored and abused. Hire a home health aide. Check in at unexpected times. And then get hospice care at home towards the end. Don't let your vulnerable loved one out of your sight. That's what I learned.
My niece is a nurse. When my mom went in to a nursing home, she reminded me constantly to drop in, frequently, different days, different times of day, etc. "People who get visitors get the best care."
My mother’s wish was to not ever go to a nursing home. I fought hard to get her home hospice. She was cruel to me and the nurses but I made sure she got her last wish. The way this dear woman was treated with her husband is so horrific. Dear Lord she went through living hell. 🙏🏻💔
Exactly what you said. My mum worked in one and would see the same. They would not be fed, their diets were not followed, they were not checked on frequently, some would fall out of bed and be on the floor for hours, many passed await not long after a fall…..the list just went on and on. Absolute abuse in these places, do not trust them with your loved ones.
Yes it is going on in every assited living,rehabs,foster care homes been doing this line of work for 22 yrs. They get little fines when the state finds mistakes. The fines should be very large to this system. It will never get done ☑️ worked privately for clients in facilities many times had to chase the caregivers down best believe I was the advocate when I walked in the door. I would feel so bad for people coming in for tours a few weeks later come in the dinning room to sit and wait 30 mins to go back to their room. You could see their face that they were now stuck. Very sad
@@taravazquez5819 It's heartbreaking how some of these precious people are treated. 💔💔💔 My mother-in-law was in an assisted living facility for the last 3 years of her life, and she LOVED it! We were so fortunate to find such a wonderful place for her. However, we were extremely present there. It was like a home away from home for us. We visited regularly and participated in ALL of the activities. We'd visit with the residents who didn't have regular visitors, too. 🙂
The nursing home has a gig going on. They tried to entrap this poor woman with their threats to have her declared incompetent in order to continue getting$ for "caring" for her husband. They need to be investigated. What a sweet lady 🙏🏼
and really, really smart and thorough: she's stuck between a rock and a hard place: shame on the eldercare community where she resides and the 'legal system' that supports them
My mom is 83 years old, living alone. I sold my house and moved from another state to be close by, and help out when needed. For a while I moved her into my house when she was in bad shape and needed full time care. My kids moved with me and help out a lot, which makes me proud. I hope they can take care of me when I need it. She's back home now, and the kids and I make sure the firewood is brought in, trash taken out, dog exercised, etc. she took good care of me when I was growing up, so I feel like owe her the dignity of living in her own house. I've talked about all this with my kids (I'm a single dad), and they understand the importance of the 27:53 family sticking together and caring for each other. I know there are times when a nursing home is the only option, but by God, it should be the last resort. My heart breaks for this poor woman.
I agree that family attention is crucial to the elderly as they prepare to die. I don't agree that family caring for them until they go is always the best choice. I'll give you an example, my best friend's Mom wanted to have home hospice after learning she had acute leukemia. She had daily hour-2hour visits from a local visiting nurses association and her doc had meds that ( morphine ) would make her more comfortable mailed to her home. My friend stayed there with her and watched her Mom lose her faculties and her life over a 2 week period. Though her needs were all met, one wasn't. When people stop moving because their bodies begin to shut down, it can take a couple of days to die. Though the nurses had shown her how to turn her, medicate her and make her as comfortable as possible, they failed to instruct her on keeping Mom's mouth hydrated properly. It was a small thing - but if you've ever had a tiny stone stuck in your sock, to a person lying in bed unable to move or speak, a dry mouth can be excruciating. Friend finally got Mom a bed in a respite home and she died shortly after arriving, but before she did, an RN swabbed the crap out her mouth with what looked like a lollipop on a long stick and as she did, Mom's entire face lit and her eyes sparked and 10 short minutes after, she passed. I don't ever want my children to home hospice me.
Well, bless your heart because everyone I know, including my own family, everyone avoids their mothers because they don't want to put the work in. I think they're all pathetic human beings.
My father was abused in his assisted living facility. Once I found out, my sister called the Red Cross and had them send a message to my base. I was released to visit my father. When I walked in, I was in uniform and ready to take everyone on. I was preparing to leave for the Middle East and the last thing I wanted to do was leave when I found out my father was not safe. Once of the nurses knew how I felt and she stayed back with me in my fathers room, when everyone left the room. I told her to please put me in a room with the nurse who mistreated my father and close the door. Walk away I said and I wouldn’t mention her at all. She apologized, said it was something she couldn’t do and tried to rationalize why the incident happened. She explained that the nurse in charge of my fathers care was rough because she was used to working in a correctional facility. I assured her I was a lot more rough and to let me have her. She begged me to calm down and promised me my father would be ok. Anytime a nurse walked up to my father to care for him, he would swing and kick like crazy. My father was blind. His reaction was VERY telling that he was being abused. He also stopped talking. I was horrified. We moved him to several different facilities and at each of them, even the best one, he had dealt with abuse. If these people don’t like their jobs then they need to quit. Stop taking your frustrations out on our loved ones!
this goes all the way to the top. If people's lives were important, junk food would be illegal, cars/transportation would be updated to be safer. Alcohol, etc,..
I know this goes into the fabric of our society that’s all the more reason to keep fighting because if you resign to doing nothing then nothing gets done and this will continue I’m currently living in a homeless shelter in Santa Clara county in California I’m 62 disabled and living on a limited income This county is so corrupted with the money that’s supposed to go towards the homeless the disabled and medically challenged people it’s appalling plus it goes into the federal government too This graft and corruption is so overwhelming one wants to give up I will fight this until they kill me or “accident” me
It's one of probably millions of stories just like it across America. Maybe across the world. I saw awful things as a CNA! I tried reporting them to all the right people. But nobody wanted to hear it. I was the one reprimanded for reporting it. I had to finally go into private care, because I couldn't take seeing awful things happen to the elderly, knowing nobody in the facilities cared enough about them to put a stop to it! Most people don't know what really goes on. Especially in the state funded facilities!
This is a CRIME! I wrote above that I think she needs to contact every detective she can get her hands on and a private detective to look into this because this is definitely criminal abuse. Those bruises on him or not from slipping out of the wheelchair. Those are hand marks.
It seems if someone is dealing this kind of abuse of a loved one, call the police immediately. Doesn't matter what the facility is saying, it's elder abuse, and the first incling of bruising, call the police, period.
I must add something. For anyone who is interested I recommend looking up Scott Schara's story about the death of his daughter with downs syndrome in 2021. He speaks eloquently about the mechanisms in healthcare leading up to it. It has similarities to this case.
It doesn’t matter how involved you are or how you try to advocate. You can’t be with your loved one 24/7 so everything that goes on when you’re not there is unimaginable and when you question issues, you feel like you’re the losing player in a game that they(caregivers,hospitals,insurance ) are all playing and winning at. Bureaucracy bs always has the upper hand!
I feel so sorry for this lady. I worked with dementia patients f9r twelve years, i switçhed to nightshifts snd witnessed abuse and neglect. Myself and other decent staff, reported it to managers who did nothing about it. I ended up reporting our care home to the Care quality commission, who inspect care homes. I got fired ( constructively dismissed) a few weeks later by my care home. Whistleblowers are treated appallingly. My advice to families of loved ones in care facilities. If you suspect abuse, just go straight to the police about it.
I've worked in memory care and some of the worst abuse I've seen has happened in those units. The DON's try to hide it, sweep it under the rug. Imagine all the stuff that goes under the radar? Unless the abuse shows physically... So sad. Thank you for speaking up! You did the right thing!
@@markoembarko9045 Thankyou, it troubles me grately that abuse is happening in most, if not all care facilities. A lot of people don't speak up for fear of getting fired, like I did, but my conscience is clear.
So far the places I've been at are pretty good. My coworkers are passionate and connected to the residents. I love my residents and this story makes me sick
I worked in the nursing home system for over 30 years and this kind of thing happens all the time,they all cover each others asses unless they want you fired ,I am so sorry that you had to go threw all of this,I will do anything in my power to never end up in a nursing home ❤
I've worked in multiple ones and you are absolutely correct!!! I will NEVER allow any of my loved ones to be put into any of them cuz I have seen first hand how badly they can be treated but the workers and everyone seem to all be in this sort of "click" where they all have each other's backs and will put their patients and their family members through so much hell for money purposes and hiding their mistreatment!! It's an outrage!! 😡
Is there no licensed attorney who could see this and help her now?? She said she has a journal and the lack of reporting…. I wish I could help her. Her husband deserved better!!!
I forgot to thank you Mark for highlighting this topic that no one wants to talk/think about until it happens in your own family, And thank you Jocie for sharing your story.
Come on. You idiots know what he means. I personally would have used "beside" instead of "behind," but the sentiment is sincere nonetheless. So get off your fucking high horse
Oh Mark, I could tell you so many horror stories of the nursing homes my mom had to go to after each stroke she suffered. Also all the errors that occurred in the hospital each time. It was truly a nightmare. If one does not have someone to be their voice and oversee what goes on if you’re unable, you are totally and literally screwed. I am now 66 and alone in life and it terrifies me. Any focus that can be brought to this subject is so valuable.
Ageing is humbling and when your parents are unable to take care of themselves, you are forced to re-evaluate your value systems and make very difficult decisions.
My father in his late eighties with dementia was neglected in a memory care facility. He deteriorated in the two and a half months that he was there. My mother visited daily to try and ensure his safety until he could be moved. We were considering placing a hidden camera in his room but my mother found placement for him in another private facility for veterans. A few weeks later a hospice worker was reported by another hospice worker for punching my father in the head. An investigation is being conducted but the police have not been involved. My mother could not sue the first facility because it was stated in the contract that she could not. I did some research on the private veterans facility and they were cited for abuse last year. Abuse of society’s most vulnerable should not be tolerated.
It's not legal or enforceable to forfeit that right entirely. Do you mean that any dispute must be addressed in private arbitration? That is possible, but these places cannot completely immunize themselves from relevant state statutes annd other laws or external review. Consider consulting a lawyer.
Your love for Dan shines through all of your pain and struggles. Your advocacy is admirable and inspiring. I hope your story helps everyone who needs it. Which is all of us. My fear of nursing homes has always been prolific. I am just so sorry this happened. Sending love and strength to your family and you
I was helping out a 94yr old lady. She got a UTI, and the hosp. Sent her to a nursing home. She was dead within a month. She had marks on her they had lame excuses for. She had no family for help. I could do nothing but watch them destroy her. I'm sad for this woman. Total abuse of power. The elderly are not seen as having value, and that is a crime. So, so sad.
I had heard that UTI's were common in older men and the outcomes could be serious. I asked if he had an elevated temp could s UA be checked. I was told it would be to expensive. I don't know how often there is a T with no UTI or a UTI with no temp and I don't know how important this is in the health of the elderly. So basically I guess this is kind of a dumb reply.
@@jocelyndanzeisen1271 when she got the UTI, they said that in the older people uti's can cause mental changes, and often that is the first sign of one. So dementias can seem worse, or they may get more agitated and confused, etc. When she was at the hospital, they tried to tell me her dementia was too much for her to live in her home. I tried to tell them that it only seems worse because she is in an unfamiliar environment surrounded by strange people and such. When I was there she was a much different person because she knew me. I told them I looked out for her, and she did well at home. She could do an entire crossword puzzle in just a few minutes. She kept notes on everything to help herself remember. They had agreed she could go home as soon as her issue cleared up. Then they put her in some inflatable boots that were attached to her bed and she tried to get up at night to use bathroom and she fell. She was not injured, but they made her go to the nursing home where they, in my opinion, killed her. They could have just sent her home with medication. You were fighting a very crooked business; Corrupt as any other. We would have needed an entire team of lawyers to change the outcomes. I wish you well.
Jocie, Im so sorry this happened tonyou and your husband. This is EXACTLY why Im so afraid to ever put my Uncle (suffering with alzheimers) in any facility.
We Westerners are the ones who so easily turn the care of our elderly over to facilities the most; Easterners keep them at home with relatives to the end. The philosophies are so opposite!🎉😮😢
@@carynmartin6053 I've been thinking the same thing. I don't think my entire reason for caring for my mom in her home was for philosophical reasons, but I was raised in Hong Kong and admired the traditional Chinese families. I only have one son. I'm preparing a plan for when my time comes. Hope I go in the night sleeping, but just in case, I don't want him to feel like he must change his life. This is on my mind a lot.
My heart goes out to you. Both my parents had alzheimers and were institutionalized. With my mom she was deteriorating falling, and I would come upon her alone fallen on a floor, she also had bruises everywhere. Her breathing became labored and she lost bowel bladder control.i brought her in a wheelchair to 2 attendants and I said she's very sick can you get help. They said nothing is wrong put her at supper table. She died that night. With my dad he was hospitalized and he kept gesturing to his chest in pain. I said to nurses I think my dad is dying can he be checked? They said we will plump his pillows. He died the next morning. People caring for our loved ones see them not as people. I regret not forcing them to help or not calling for a supervisor. It's been a number of years but I cry when I see abuse of elderly cases. God bless you.
Mark, OMG! Thank you so much for doing this story. I'm so sick of this I can't take much more. I've sat down and talked extensively to ex elder care workers in different fields. Somehow they were honest with me. How I don't know? The stories of what they did to all these elders. The horrors I heard.
I worked at a nursing home as a cna. My co worker caught another cna beating another patient. She told the director herself about the abuse and that guy continued working there for years after that. It was fucked up, it’s since been shit down but I’ll never understand why he wasn’t fired or lost his license ..
We dealt with this with my mother in law. She was a super healthy lady who was constantly busy in her 70’s with no health issues until she was hit by a texting person. It was all downhill. We had to fight for weeks to figure out the Byzantine paperwork and advocate for her. She ended up breaking her hip in the care unit because the workers don’t give a crap. She never recovered and died . So in a span of 6 months she went from super healthy and spry to broken. Folks if you aren’t rich when you retire and need long term care then you are screwed. I have advanced directives against this after witnessing that. I won’t go out like that.
My mom was in a nursing home that charged people that could afford it $10,000 a month and had a few Medicaid beds and the nurses were nice and good at their jobs but were extremely overworked but the aides were some of the laziest people I ever met. They would sit in the breakrooms for hours a day on their phones and eating. I would spend 12-hour days with my mom about 4 days a week because I was her only caretaker and she needed 24 hour a day care at her home and there was no funds for that. She was sweet as sugar but fell all the time even with an alarm on her bed and her chair. She had a colostomy and they would let it explode and not change it but I would do it for her. I have my exit plan because as a single lady I have no one that will lift a finger for me and I will never want to live like that. Listening this brings memories of the two years my mom spent under care. Patients are just a source of income to owners of those facilities and inspectors turn a blind eye to what's going on but it like that in most countries and most places.
My heart was pounding through this whole interview.. I feel sick . Jocie I am so so so sorry .. Beautiful lady .. sending you so much love .. morning Mark 🩵
My Deepest Condolences Josie. It is Horrible what they did to you and your husband. You are EXACTLY right. You should’ve been notified immediately of any fall he suffered. They hurt him and they hid it altogether. I pray they get their karma for that total injustice and I pray for Peace for You Dear Lady ❤
I’m so very sorry Jocie. This is why I have signed a DNR & have a proxy. I’m 70. Anything can happen. I also refuse to be in a nursing home. I have told everyone. My mother died at home at 70 from cancer. My dad took care of her 24/7 for 5 yrs (she was Ali a quadraligic from a drunk driver hitting them). My dad lived to 93 without care at all. I will die with dignity & refuse to be treated like a bag of bones. This is horrific. Jocie is now left with this trauma for the rest of her life. Our healthcare system is pathetic & a scam.
This story is absolutely sickening and despicable! This poor woman/couple! Just another example of what this modern society is turning into. We treat each other horribly.
I watch most of Mark’s videos and this is the first to make me cry. Our elders are so vulnerable, I currently live with a family member that is struggling with onset of dementia. I’m sorry Jocie for your loss, it is obvious you loved your husband very much. ♥️✌🏻
@@thematriarchy2075Perhaps the reason this is the first to make her cry is because most interviewees are victims of their own self directed violence and mayhem while this woman's poor husband was the defenceless victim of a directly focused attack. A blameless victim, no more responsible for what happened to him than a baby that gets beaten for crying too much.
Thank you, Jocie, for coming on to warn people and i am very sorry that you weren't heard and your husband being abused and basically murdered. Everything is about money, unfortunately.
@@jocelyndanzeisen1271 You are welcome and i am sorry for your loss. Try to find help with find a good lawyer, because this should be investigated. There are some comments here about wanting to connect with you, but you might have already found them. Thank you for doing the interview and much love to you❤️
Josie/Jocie, I've been in a situation where I had to fight for my basic rights, our stories might be completely different but I started crying when you said how lonely you felt - because you were truly all on your own fighting a huge system. I felt that pain in my heart because out of all that happened in my battle for 2 years to get things right in my case, the worst part was the loneliness. To wake up every day and to tell myself 'you can do this' with no support, with no one to say "you sit down now, I'll handle this part'. And the gaslighting. You read things in black and white on paper but then these 'authoritative' people tell you you are misreading things - not once, but over and over again. It is maddening. Josie, you are a true warrior and I send you all the best wishes, kindness and love in the world. Thank you for staying strong for the greater good. ❤🙏💪
Immediately I was struck by the portrait - this person had a story to tell me and it WILL BE PERTINENT and then thrown again by her sweet Minnesontan voice - then the medical facts and terminology I got it -HEARD EVERY WORD Jocie, though you have repeated it many times ... I was just deemed a venerable adult in Ireland I am not 65 but on the spectrum for autism and have mobility issues This is the polar opposite of my story bruises left by my husband are down played .... I cannot get help of any sort but on bureaucratic paper I am being helped and all of this comes down to love - Your love of Dan is so admirable I apologise your voice was not heard because it was the most important in his care I kinda hate nurses which are nuns here - it gives them the excuse to take out their frustrations on those whom are the most venerable and cannot speak for themselves violating a sacred trust taught to us from infancy - to trust healthcare workers-it is a disgusting violation of trust - disgusting Your story will resonate with me and Mark , Thank you SOO very much for including this in your oevre of Soft White Underbellies - still crying Jocie you are a real warrior and activist for the one you loved the most -you deserve valour
Thank you for your kind words. You are right about my love for Dan. Had you known him you would have seen he had that same love for me. I can't express how angry it makes me that you husband is hurting you. Abuse is always wrong but it seems worse when it's someone who should love and be caring for you. I guess besides the physical injury it must go deeper and tear you apart. I don't know how to articulate what I mean. Just thinking about you my heart is beating fast respirations increased I'm tearing. You must be a very strong woman. I'm sure you have to get help. I don't know your systems although if anything could be done from here please share that. Take care and remember you do not deserve to be abused.
@@jocelyndanzeisen1271 My goodness !Thank yu soo very much Jocie , I havent recieved any validation from anyone here - we are validating each other and I am soo very touched you replied to me ... Dan, well from your interview and love that you exchanged ... you become each other osmosis of souls and the photo at the end ...yes i think i got to meet him via you ... I used to be a Riot Grrl feminist LGBTQ activist and I fell for a young boy 20ryrs ag and I read Angela's Ashes but thought that is in the 30s ... alcoholism robs souls here and it is socially acceptable as are the after affects to the family here ...I was in a daze trying to acclimate to this country i started to slowly accept behaviours without paying attention ...21 yrs later i have had enough I am in touch with US embassy and finally have an APS worker - 4 hrs away but it is a start ... Dan was so lucky to have you advocate, document, and love - I got your love straight to my heart today as i had to have my internet turned back on ... he drank the bill and , well i got hurt ... and just read this .. You never know whom or what is coming for you and Jocie , we should have supper together if i get out of here - when i get out .. sending you all the love i can muster! You are an angel bless your heart - i need to hear those words today and thank you SWU crew and Mark for connecting us souls to help each other - my step dad is from Biwabic Sp - yasure ya betcha and I was a child of Lake Webegone - your home 💓
@@jocelyndanzeisen1271 Oh hello! Pleasure to hear from you esp . today - it was a hard week the internet bill was drank again 1stly I do feel I met Dan .Thugh the loves of my life are gone now Ido know the osmosis that occurs f souls then manifests into the physicaland the heart - youu represented your love well Jocie , and to see his photo at the end ..yes you embodied him too Thank you for your words I have had no kindness this week the system blames you here if you are sick , hurt , abused ... even on helplines and it is socially acceptable to abuse your wife if you are an alcoholic as he is - it is embedded in this Irish culture , so I left the the states in 2000 to get married here and I never thought once I was signing away my life and rights - even the US embassy can only offer me a ticket back and a small loan and categorise me as a refugee with the Ukrainian women . we have alot of refugees in Ireland from war torn countries , so my situation seems very insignificant my healthcare is yoga cold plunges and meditations all self taught off of youtube and i keep a journal of each new broken bone .. my left for is newly broken and uncast right now without getting to a doctor again .. 6 days waiting for him to take me 1 km to a hospital - crikey sorry no trauma dump i need a lawyer and would love any help any at all anyone could leave here and Jocie your heart spans actual oceans i am astounded on how big it is it gives me hope in humans again - for today - love from Bantry Bay Ireland - i think you know the loneliness this can bring and thanks
This breaks my heart. Jocie, I am so sorry you and your husband suffered in this way. It makes me ashamed of the nursing profession of which I have been a part of for over 40 years. I've watched the changes, most particularly in facilities, they start so small that it's hard to see how enormous the change is until it seems beyond hope. Again, I am so very sorry for the treatment you and your husband received. My mom just died last week. I had moved in to care for my parents 6 years ago because I just didn't trust the system and I was in a position to do so. We did bring hospice in for the last few weeks and I was so pleased by their commitment and service. Mom thought they were just people who came to see her and she enjoyed their visits. Jocie, I pray you will receive God's peace. You truly did all you could for the man you loved.
I worked at a Memory Loss Center as an Activity Coordinator. I’ve witnessed so much neglect, verbal abuse, and HIPPA violations. This sadness me because I no longer work there and I can only imagine what is taking place. So many writes up, meetings, and accusations because of my sincere compassion to speak up. May he rest in love, I’m sorry that you had to experience this abuse.😢 Go visit, ask questions, check on them, call, pop-up and document everything.
It is too bad more people, like you, do not work there. You are needed in these places. Compassionate people are needed to speak up. It is what will stop the abuse.
I was going to write about my Aunt Mabel that a similar situation occurred and it hurts my heart so much as I began to write this post and I had to stop. I was beginning to feel the trauma triggered again and decided not to write the details. She has been long gone and she received no justice. She was 82 and was definitely abused. Many people who get jobs in the care facilities are death angels who take out their own mental issues on abusing the elderly. They shouldn't be working there. Society seems to hire healthcare workers and administrations who falsify records stating the patient fell full-knowing someone actually battered and abused them. Many attorneys are crooked with no moral ethics. It's all about the money for them, too. They only want your loved ones SSA money and retirement savings, but if it runs out or the state refuses to pay for their care, they kill the patient to free a place for the next victim. They simply do not care. I trust no one with my health. The pictures she shared at the end were horrible, he was definitely abused...I'm so sorry for her loss.😢
This was so painful to watch. Elder care is in demand and we need more advocates to work with families to avoid incidents like this one. This woman is amazing.
This is beyond obscene. I ran nursing homes for twenty years and cannot imagine the utter lack of morals clearly systemic in this facility. I would have strongly recommended calling 911 and your state health department of health regulatory agency.
I did contact the Minnesota Adult Abuse Reporting Center. According the Minnesota Vulnerable Adult Act that phone call should have initiated all actions that were needed. What a joke. The MDH did nothing until 6 months after he died. I think they only did something because they were sick of me calling. No one ever went out to WHCC because Mary Beth, RN from MDH said the nurses at WHCC were so organized she didn't even need to make a visit.
I went through a horrible NIGHTMARE with my daddy as well with the memory care. He passed 11/6/17. I feel your pain and I am sorry for your loss. These facilities are run by pure psychopaths. My mom was in one and I filed an 84 page complaint with the state of GA and the facility kicked her out. She has lived with me for the last 2 1/2 years. She was diagnosed with Dementia 3 weeks before daddy died. I have lived the last decade with both parents with this horrible disease.
Thank goodness you are able to take care of your parents. I’m sure it’s very hard, but it’s something you’ll never regret. You are a wonderful person!!!!
@@joditorkelson8649 Thank you kindly. It is the toughest yet most rewarding job I have ever had. Some days I wondered but then I look back at all the wonderful memories we have made...PRICELESS!
Thank you for having this sweet lady and giving her a voice to tell the truth. Very painful and scary to hear. She experienced a fate worse than death, dealing with these corrupt evil people. Because of them she is not only dealing with grief but added unneccessary grief. God help her to heal. This is very heartbreaking!😢
My husband has been working in a nursing home for 5 years and has seen so many terrible things. The most meanest people become CNAs. My husband has been let go from many facilities for whistleblowing and taking his concerns to HR for witnessing sexual misconduct, workers doing drugs, insisting on better hand washing, and standing his ground against unprofessional nurses who were violent towards residents and towards him. Basically, they slap these people on the hand. They are desperate for CNAs so they often look the other way.
My first nursing job we had a nurse invite another nurse outside to fight. I alerted the state. No action. Then, I had my supervisor come to me telling me to make up a fall report on a patient when I wasn’t there that day of occurrence. She insisted and I said no. It was a CYA moment for them because corporate was there. So I found a corporate guy in the hallway and he asked how I was. I let him know they wanted me to falsify a report. Within 90 days they let me go. The worst job I’ve ever had. And that’s after working corrections and the VA
My jaw dropped at those photos of Dan at the end of this video . 😔Jocie did everything right. The mistreatment & lack of empathy & respect for this veteran & his wife. Is awful. The nerve of these care takers & the lawyers. I have no trust or faith in the system. My mom had dementia the last2 yrs of her life. She was 80 . She had a stroke. I took care of her. I had journel too. My mom’s story she lived a life from rags to riches . Just for it to end almost alone. We’re all going to be seniors citizens one day. If we live long enough. Someone is going to have to be our care takers . If we don’t find a to change this system & hold people accountable. Provide better training. Create a a program/department that employs thousands of people that only works on cases of reports of abuse for seniors. The reports on child welfare workers that aren’t doing there jobs. The county workers need to be held accountable and fired immediately. If not it’ll be our turn one day. And who’s going to help us when we don’t have a voice anymore ? I’m Jocie you went through this. Dan knows and sees everything you did and how hard you really tried. You’re one heck of women honey. 😊😉
You need to do more interviews like this to bring awareness to other things that happen in the U.S than just drugs, homelessness, etc. Great interview. Sending prayers for only the best for sweet Mrs. Jocie!
Thank you for posting this, Mark. Josie, my heart breaks for you. I am a native of MN, and I am ashamed of our state. As a psychotherapist, I am entering into the field of end-of-life doula and advocacy for the elderly. As a student of social work at Fordham University, I wish I had gotten a dual master's degree in both Social Work and Law. Jocie, your interview is heart-breaking and infuriating to me. I am in tears. As a mandated reporter, I cannot believe no one reported Dan's abuse. Our treatment of the elderly in this country is atrocious. Jocie, you are one smart cookie. Thank God your husband had you as his advocate. And yet, the system silenced you, even as you bravely continued to speak out. You did your best. The system IS broken. I hope you are not feeing guilt. I am sorry I was not there to help you. Imagine what happens to people who have no one advocating for them. We in this country need to do better. Josie, I am so very, very sorry...
Fellow Minnesnowtan here... at one point, long ago, I was a junkie and spent a lot of time in creepy junkie houses. The scenes and feelings in those houses pale in comparison to the suffering and sadness that is in long term group care homes, as I later learned as a furniture mover, who moved some of the unfortunate residents in or out. I have never seen anything like it. It is ineffably disturbing. I'd live outside in the Minnesota winter before I ever resided in one of those pits. Feel for the poor people trapped in them.
BOSSY JOCIE, your story will be a stepping stone to get these corrupt heslth care workers out for good !! Marks legacy wont go unnoticed because of your brave and compationt soul!! Thank you so much for shareing !!
This is horrible! I worked in long term facilities just like your husband was in and I promise you I'd never let this go unreported! It's disgusting to think not only did he not fall, but someone personally gave him those bruises and that person, whom they probably even know, wasn't terminated, and they never reported it. I'm so sorry this happened to you. So many horrible things happened that year to so many elderly. 😢
KEEP AN EYE ON THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE! Thankyou Jocie for highlighting this.In a dark world there are stars like you shining bright dear Jocie, Love and light to you
Thank you Mark and SWU for expanding on what needs to be heard. The health care system is beyond broken in so many ways. I'm sure this is just the beginning of bringing more awareness to this subject and you wont have to look too far to find people with experiences that need to be shared.
This goes on in the hospital, rehabilitation centers as well. It’s all about filling the beds for profit and no care for the patients. It starts with the higher ups and ends up with the higher ups. Closed mouth and tight lips, deaf ears, I know this for a fact. So much cover up going on.
😢 Unfortunately this happens all the time. This is what most people have to look forward to. Why a lot of nursing homes get closed down. I hear It on the news.💐 Rest in peace.
There it is. I am in tears. This is the reality of our "system" for both the elderly and the disabled. My heart breaks for Jocie. Huge hugs and love are being sent her way, and heartfelt thanks to Mark and Soft White Underbelly for sharing this truth.
it isnt just the elderly... thats how they treat all the mentally ill/impaired/etc. ive been through it all before. i am 100% convinced that the majority of people working in these types of places only do it to get a kick out of abusing the vulnerable
I think there is definitely a percentage. But I think the worst problem is the greed of these facilities. They pay crap wages and they get crap employees. And the good people there? ( they do exist ) they get treated like the enemy. They are bullied and management finds a way to get rid of them. Because God Forbid they are adequately staffed and pay for good people. That would cost money. Some people start out in that field with the best of intentions but are beaten down by the system. I'm not excusing any physical abuse but some of the neglect ( because of severe understaffing )and looking the other way are the only way to keep the job. And before we all judge that, some people have families and can't just quit. The sad thing? They can find another job, but it probably won't be any better. Our society just does not care about the elderly and the disabled. It's sick and sad as hell. And it awaits us.
It's been 12 years since my husband went through such a similar situation it brought back the horrible trauma I went through with his "care". I also kept a daily journal of what was going on & I was being gaslight throughout his time in the hospital & then a rehab center... no one would take my case & they lied to keep me from pursuing my concerns.I was worried I wouldn't get him home before they killed him! I'm so sorry to hear of your trauma, it's more common than it ever should be.
Jocie, you did an exceptional job trying to deal with this behemoth of a bureaucracy. I'm hoping someone sees this who knows a law firm that specializes in whistleblowing. Your experience touches on failures that span both medical and governmental neglect. At the very least, the fact that there was no mandated reporter who stepped forward is cause. I am so so sorry for the loss of your dear husband and for your having to be David to this monstrous Goliath.
You are an amazing wife and life partner to him, Jocie. I'm so sorry that his last week of life and time with you was spent like this. I hope you find justice and peace.
I lost my wife on 11-22-23 after a fall. It was sudden & unexpected. She also had later stages of dementia and Alzheimer’s. As a full-time caregiver, I had experienced the same indifference from the state & medical community. As a caregiver acting on love & fear of less than humane treatment, you will, should anything happen detrimental to your spouse, be held accountable, regardless of hard proof. This was difficult for me to watch, and hard to write about. Law enforcement has their own blue line, and so does the medical/state agencies. It’s hard to operate as a caregiver out of love with veiled threats, from the very people charged with seeing one gets compassionate care. YOU become vulnerable to lawsuits, complaints of discrimination, and everything else before anyone is held accountable.
I am sorry your loss is recent and was so sudden. When Dan died I realized what real sorrow feels like. That's probably where you are at this time. It is a difficult time be sure to be good to yourself. What goes on is so wrong. I am hoping something positive may happen as a result of what my interview generated. The shear number of people that are going through or have gone through similar situations. What this says to me is enough is enough something HAS to change.
I am sorry that your wife you experienced what you did. With any form of dementia( which Alzheimer's is) it is much harder than so many other diagnosis because the individuals do not remember & therefore, cannot speak for themselves, much (depending on type & stage ) therefore, cannot defend themselves. Cameras are a great thing & I utilize them all the time ( video) I also use voice recorders on phones.. We sued Lifecare center in Sierra Vista, AZ & won.
I myself had nurses that were not wanting to help people and lied to my family when I could not talk….I was 42….I was in a coma for 2 and a half weeks could not speak for myself
My heart goes out to her and her late husband and Veteran. He was murdered- culpable homicide- and she is and will be deeply traumatized for the rest of her life. I thank her so very much for choosing to relive her painful tragedy to bring public awareness and warning. Most nursing home/assisted living caregivers and home care providers are not only severely short staffed and under paid but also grossly undertrained in treating and caring for those with mid to late stage forms of dementia which creates dangerous and tragic outcomes for the elderly and their families. Children of baby boomers take note! Can someone tell me the name of the facility where her husband sustained the injuries?
I had to report a case on a man I worked with who beat the hell out of a resident in Memory Care. The brusing on her body was unlike anything I've ever seen before. Once the report was made and they found out who the man was, other residents who were mentally competent started speaking up about things he had actually done to them as well but they were scared to say. It wasn't just physical abuse, he was also sexually abusing the female residents.
That's a heartbreaking story. What an amazing and intelligent woman. You did everything you could.and yet still no closure, which is so important. Sorry for your loss
Sadly this happens a lot. The care for dementia is so costly. It’s devastating for families. For many Alzheimer’s patients they do become resistance and combative. They will also show a huge decline when they are moved into a diff environment. My dad would present as end stage in the hospital and they would try to keep him from going home too and would push for nursing facilities . They would tell me that he would not be able to be cared for at home. But within a day of being home, he’d bounce back to his “normal”. This happened several times. 1 time he went into a rehab place with memory care. He would constantly be walking up/down the halls too. The staff does not like that. They just drugged him up until he was drooling. I took him home. They make threats to scare you too. My dad had bumps and bruises too. It costs $50k-$100k a year for dementia care. That’s either at home or in a memory care place. Medicare does NOT cover memory care. Medicaid does not kick in until you are down to $2k in assets. If you are married, the spouse can keep the home and car. But savings will be wiped out. That’s why it is so important to have your savings in a trust so the govt / nursing home can’t take it. The govt will do a 5 year look back and review your spending too for the past 5 years to see if you qualify for Medicaid. I
Jocie, thank you for voicing what so many go through. My mom was just moved to a long term care home last week (in Canada) and I just got a weird feeling from the staff. They are already upping her antipsychotic meds and trying to get us to agree to add more to the list which I refuse. I went to see her the following day and she was limping. I mentioned it to the care workers and they just smiled and said they will monitor her. Yeah right!! My mom has no voice in this situation but I will do my best to be hers. Sending much love to you all.
My heart goes out to this sweet lady. My neighbor and best friend lost his mom to nursing home abuse. She was a feisty 93 year old lady. The pictures that I took of that sweet lady bruised and battered was heart breaking. The nursing home said another patient did it. They did file a lawsuit but it was crumbs compared to this beautiful lady's life. Her daughter stayed at the nursing home with her from sun up until sundown and the abuse happened a few hours after she left. No phone call no nothing until she walked in the next morning and saw her. I'm older now and I realize that elder abuse is rampant. Always, always get an attorney from out of town, especially if it is a small town. My thoughts and prayers are with you sweet lady. So sorry you had to endure this with your husband. Elder abuse is rampant, my story is from Georgia. ✌️❤️🙏🏼
Thank you Jocie for sharing your story. And Mark for providing the platform for these stories to be told. It breaks my heart for you and your family. There needs to be professional advocates for these exact situations so people can be informed by an impartial source. Too much bureaucracy and people not doing what is best for the patient and family. Really so sad and inexcusable.
Sending love to her. I hear what she’s saying. Living across the country from my father, I just had a similar experience as I went to help him.Things are wrong. It’s heartbreaking to hear her story and her loss of her Dan. Much love to her from me. ❤❤️🩹💜 🕯️Love, Summer
My heart goes out to you and your husband.I worked at a job that i had contact with nursing homes and a developmental center. The developmental center was a nursing home and saw Horrible things like pressure sores, green meat, general neglect. I learned to advocate for the people i worked for. We would document any injuries, food, etc and advocate for those who were vulnerable.My heart goes out to you!!
🙏🏽❤❤I'm so sorry, Jocie, for the loss of your husband, and I hope you get justice for him.🙏🏽❤️❤️This absolutely breaks my heart. I take care of my mom, who has alzheimer's and my father with the beginning stages and this is disgusting how they take advantage of people, abuse them and discard them just to line their pockets Anyone who can idly sit by in witness this is soulless.
This is exactly why I went to school and became a nurse. My loved ones will NEVER enter a nursing home… unfortunately this happens more than it doesn’t. I am so sorry you had to deal with this abuse and neglect… as a healthcare worker we take a vow to protect and advocate for every one of our patients. I’m sorry that was not done for you.
Very sad, but I must agree. The world has gotten more competitive, greedier, nastier and as the population grows, one nasty devil can ruin the lives of many. I'm glad this woman has shared her story. Simply, as we age, all of us have to be extremely cautious. Take care of your loved ones.
Thank you so much for this interview. Elder/vulnerable person abuse is out of control. My uncle was abused in his care home and it was so draining on my aunt trying to protect him and find out who the abuser was. The staff covers for each other and there seems to be nothing to stop them from doing this. My own Grandma 96 at the time and still sharp was so afraid of a few nurses in our Canadian hospital. When some came in the room she would look fearful. We asked her what happened but she just asked us to leave it as she didn't want them mad at her.
Your Ombudsman and Adult Protective Services should have been called immediately, but so many people don't know what to do in these circumstances. I am a caseworker for Adult Protective Services, and my heart goes out to you, love.
Elder abuse is so very real!! We need advocacy groups that help the elderly with all Medical Care and financial services protection. This woman is sharp and intelligent. Currently my local hospital has billed me an excess of over 3000 and sent me this really unprofessional saying they will return 250 to me I rejected it asking for accounting and they cut off all communications. We need pro bono attorney to fight this for me
Ugh I just want to give her heart felt hug! No body deserves that kind of treatment especially when they are the most vulnerable! I just can’t imagine my grandma going through such a thing! My grandma is my everything, and I would go insane if someone ever treated her in that way! By the grace of God, my aunt (her daughter) cares for her!!! It is my dream to one day start my own nursing home! I would hire the most professional, loving, God fearing people to care for the elderly! Old people are usually discarded and evil people prey on vulnerability!!! May God have Justice on her behalf and may every person involved receive there karma!!!! Sending you soooo much love Josie!
I'm not old, I'm 33, but I recently injured all of my body after a series of very unfortunate events. Medical professionals don't really give people the level of care they're supposed to give. I really don't know why this is so but it is incredibly messed up. I've become incredibly jaded. I'm fed up with the way things are. If you're healthy, you should pray to your higher power that you never become unable to take care of yourself. The current system is cruel.
Commercial nursing homes are impersonal where elders are viewed as a "commodity" and the level of negligence resembles a slaughterhouse. Heartbreak is a real medical condition and this woman is severely traumatised.
Tbh I feel very little sympathy for most people in them today. For every good person there's a hundred terrible people... I felt very sorry for the parents of the boomers who suffered through this abuse fully unregulated, silently. The boomers CREATED this system from nothing to dump their parents in. So let them suffer from their own actions for once in their lives ffs. Of course it's not morally acceptable to have this system continue. But like child care this is a side effect of (again boomers) turning entire households into slave workers, it's too expensive to replace jobs family used to do with private for profit companies. Shocking, unregulated capitalism fails again.
@@craigslist6988retarded take. That’s like saying you have no sympathy for millenials because they voted for Trump. Only a percentage did, just like only a percentage “created the system” that built the shitty nursing homes.
I am so sorry that this happened to your husband. It really angers me that this was covered up. I worked in nursing homes when I was a young woman ( I’m 63 now) and I saw so much crap going on. I went against the nursing staff and was fired. My heart goes out to you, Josie! Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you. I live in Minnesota also.
