The Official Woke List | Colin From Portsmouth 

I can imagine braverman furiously scribbling that list down for future use.

I wish Colin would get off the fence and tell us how he really feels.

_"King Prince Charles"_ ..... and the Official Woke List wouldn't be complete without Gary Bloody Lineker. Thanks Colin and love to the family.

"Professor Brian Cox's and the laws of Physics" is a good band name

Colin really needs to call James Bleeding O’Brian 😂 love to the family Colin.

Poor Carol Vordeman, she will be fuming to be missed off the list

AVOCADOS! 😂 I cannot get enough of Colin‘s rage. Anyway, love to the family!

Always brilliant!

I know people that spout off like this and when they do I always mention Colin from Portsmouth. When they do realise that they're being parodied so expertly I'm sure that I'll be added to the list, I'm already called a 'lefty' because I'm not in favour of public executions.

King Prince Chares will never get old 😆

Nailed it as usual Colin! Putting Portsmouth on the map. And love to the family Colin!

How nice of you guys to make a list on which James O' bleeding Brien finally is included. That's so inclusive of you! Oh no, Colin is WOKE?!?!!!!!!

I love how hes all shouty then goes normal for Anyway, thanks for having me on lobe to tthe family! Genius touch. Ive seen Colin types do this. Full on rant then stop polite goodbye and march of.

Chef's bloody kiss gents 👌 had me in stitches within 10 seconds 🤣🤣🤣 Possibly the best "love to the family" so far 😄

I had burnt toast today, I think bread and my toaster have gone Woke

Epic rant again Colin ! Love to the family !

it's official ... croissants are woke ! ... that list was priceless. Colin was on fire that day 🤣🤣🤣

AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON 'FIFTEEN MINUTE CITIES'. 😂😂😂

Colin reminds me of a John Cleese rant. We could imagine this as a Python sketch, and I mean this as a compliment.

Bit of a short list for Colin

He convinced me at "almond milk".

Sums up the gammon intellect perfectly 😂😂😂

"Places where people feel safe" A perfect example of the absurdity of anti-"wokeness".

Hands down the best one yet! Collin sounded genuinely angry, visceral this time!

Absolutely lost it at Almond Milk 😂

I don't know whether to be surprised or amazed that we snuck under the radar and didn't make the list. Or is it best to stay off Colins radar? Ffordd chwaith - O Gymru: Cariad i'r deulu! Either way - From Cymru [Wales]: Love to the family!

Only just found this channel - binging all your sketches! Absolute gold, keep going!

Wow thats a great list even in jest! Keep it coming guys. "Avocado's" love it!

Yes! I am glad the Chinese dude that cooks my favorite rice in his woke is not in Colin´s list, I would be devasted, I would not be able to ask his lovely daughter on a date again if her dad was not "Colin approved"... Love to the family.

“Jordan Henderson (pre 2023) Lmao 😂

why Why WHy WHY doesn't this channel have a million subscribers?? This is some of the sharpest and most clever satire made today! Anyway...love to the family.

Thanks!

He left ME off the list!! I want my wokeness acknowledged by Colin!

I know Colin thinks his list is comprehensive but I expect to be screamed "woke" at for snooker viewing, in the morning, with my coffee.

The tofu eating woketariat grows

Quibbling with Colin's list but not strictly people, so much as symptoms and behaviour of the woke-mind illness. Probably be banned from commenting but Colin's razor sharp logical brain has been an inspiration.

O gosh. Can't stop laughing...

He is right about everything except avocado which, as we all know, is just the colour of a bath.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, you do not bad mouth SIR David Attenborough. Not cool Colin, not cool.

Thanks

Just when you think it's all over ... avocados! Funny af.

Damn these pesky laws of physics.

Thank you Exploding Heads, you are geniuses.😂😂😂😂

As a resident of the 'woke city of Liverpool' I can sadly confirm the presence of many Colins, but hey I'm a gay Dad so enough reason to treat the entire city as a homogenous block, bit like Thatcher... love to the (nuclear) family...

I'm still waiting for Colin to call Nick Abbot's show on Lbc. It would be hilarious 😂

I am on Colin's side, bloody avocado's....Love to the family.

Lists Colin! You bleedin' forgot to add LISTS! Love to the family

Love to the family.

Ava-bloody-fucking-car-doze!! Right on, Colin!! Love to the family!!

Avocadoes should've been top of the list! 😂

This would be funny if there weren't about 5 million Colins out there on the loose and allowed to vote. Love to the family (unless Gary Liniker is your brother!)

Colin from Portsmouth is the latest in a line of comedy characters from Alf Garnett, via Loadsamoney to Ali G: a satirical comic creation which, potentially, becomes the hero of the people it is mocking.

That is quite an impressive list - but Colin obviously hasn't been down Gunwharf to see Barbie yet...🤯

Why oh WHY did Colin forget to mention TOFU!!!!!! Its the ESSENCE of the Wokerati!

Of course, as you all know I have been keeping the REAL list of people, groups and things had a go at or blamed for our woes since 2016. As you can see below satire is increasingly indistinguishable from reality. 1. Labour 2. The EU 3. Migrants 4. Illegal immigrants 5. Refugees/Asylum seekers 6. Judges (enemies of the people) 7. Experts (people are sick of experts) 8. Gina Miller 9. Academics (because they’re Marxists) 10. NHS (for partying during lockdown) 11. Teachers and Nurses (same) 12. EU loving civil servants 13. WOKE civil servants 14. Lazy public sector workers 15. The radical left 16. The left-wing media 17. Remain voters 18. Alistair Campbell (to blame for trying to unseat the PM as he was then) 19. The Unemployed (for ruining Brexit) 20. The Poor (because they should exist on 30p meals) 21. The Young (they’re why there’s too many food banks) 22. People working from Home (they’ve caused inflation) 23. The Unions (for ruining Brexit) 24. Businessmen (for still trying to trade with the awful, awful EU) 25. Jeremy Corbyn 26. Premier League Footballers (for protesting racism) 27. The National Trust (for wanting to say which houses were built by slaves or its profits) 28. The RNLI (for not pushing boat people back to France and rescuing them instead) 29. The European Court of Human Rights 30. Lefty lawyers (it’s THEIR fault we can no longer have human rights) 31. The French (because …you know …Calais) 32. Sir Kier Starmer 33. Holidaymakers (for causing this summer’s airport chaos) 34. The Bank of England (for not putting up interest rates fast enough) 35. The Deep State (for trying to undo Brexit) 36. Gordon Brown (for funding public services) 37. Antisemitic civil servants 38. The Antisemitic EU (according to Brandon Lewis) 39. Pensioners (because the great retirement is causing worker shortages) 40. The workers (no graft) 41. The Scottish parliament 42. Wokeness (it destroyed unboxed, the festival of Britain that no-one knew about) 43. Covid 44. The war in Ukraine 45. Gary Lineker 46. The remainer mind virus 47. Bus drivers transporting asylum seekers (because there’s a shortage in Ashfield) 48. Twitter users (AKA The left-wing twitterati) 49. Ben and Jerry’s (yes the ice cream company for suggesting safe routes for asylum seekers was good and flights to Rwanda, bad) 50. City traders 51. The next Labour government 52. The metric system (we’ll show the world by bringing back imperial measurements) 53. The IMF (that’s the International Monetary Fund, not the impossible missions force). 54. The pressure of the Queen’s death (the Reason Kwasi’s budget was pants) 55. Vladimir Putin 56. It’s a global thing (look at Japan) 57. Lib Dem’s 58. The SNP 59. Vested interests 60. Talking heads 61. Brexit Deniers 62. Extinction rebellion 63. Greenpeace Protesters 64. The Met office 65. NHS Managers 66. The WOKE leftist UN 67. Cyclists 68. Tofu-eaters 69. Guardian readers 70. Wokerati (I’m assuming that means people Suella considers WOKE) 71. The left-wing economic establishment 72. Peter Mandelson (for chairing the meeting discussing the problems of Brexit) 73. Problem tenants (who should be forced to work in fields pulling up potatoes and living in tents…you know. Like a work camp) 74. The WOKE Church (for wanting God to be genderless 75. Theresa May (according to Frost Lord) 76. Sue Grey 77. Boris Johnson’s Advisors. 78. Junior Doctors for jeopardising patient safety 79. Mick Lynch for trying to bring down the government 80. Civil Service Unions, for standing against the government who are bullying in our best interests. 81. Anti-Monarchists (who should leave the U.K.) 82. ONE random medical student who dared to speak out. 83. Champagne socialists 84. Rishi Sunak and the posh boys establishment (according to Nadine Dorries) 85. Cultural Marxism 86. Tony Blair’s global think-tank (this was if memory serves in the Financial Times) 87. The economically inactive. 88. The Hollywood WOKE agenda 89. The banks (for their treatment of Nigel Farage) 90. The electoral commission (according to the Daily Express) 91. The Whitehall Blob (WTF? 92. And for the hardest of Brexithead headbangers blame the Tories for not brexiting hard enough. Anyway…thanks for having me on.

I agree with Colin on the subject of avocados.

Professor Brian Cox and the Laws of Physics sounds like a great name for a band

This hits a lot closer to home if youre from Pompey

Colin himself will be woke next

mandatory monty python comparison. but it genuinely sounds like john cleese shouting at you on the phone lmao

Time for a new T-shirt methinks

The only thing missing from these videos is Raheem Sterling getting blamed for everything

Something tells me Colin wasn't finished yet ...

Almond milk 😂

One of the best yet😂😂

Universities! Public Schools! Croissants!

It's always "Kettle Chips" that throws me!

Kettle chips? But, this important, which flavour?

Colin is currently waiting outside the Crown Court for the potential for a bit of van banging

Another great one. XD

How come only Colin from Portsmouth can get his call taken. This is a totally rigged. I can't even find a number to phone in. If someone asked me I could given those same names. Give out the number to all of us. Love to the family.

At last , someone who says it how it is. Vote Reform.

Daily Mail hit list.

I was hoping to make the list

Almond milk 0:43 100% with you Colin. IT'S NOT EVEN MILK!

Brilliant guys. But you missed out Facts, experts, climate change, and Werther's Originals.

Henderson definitely deserved that

Where are the Tombliboos?!

'The weather!' 😂🤣😂

Jordan Henderson, pre 2023😂

Hilarious 😂 woke, Gary Lineker 🤣

He almost forgot avocados.

Are we getting this on a shirt/mug like the Anti-Growth Coalition?

I'd love this sung to the tune of "these are a few of my favourite things" but I guess you'd need to include "least" into the title

He had me on his side _until_ the laws of physics... and avocados. And I was worried about swimming being Woke _until_ he clarified that it was being able to do it in British waters. As an Australian, swimming in general being Woke is a bit too far.

Kettle chips LOL

This is not realistic, they’re usually a lot angrier than this.

Jordan Henderson pre 2023 😅😅😅😅

The laws of physics

He forgot to include those who reject empirical scientific objectivity (chromasomatic inheritance) and evolutionary psychology.and indulge in cultural revisionism.

I found the clip that generated Colin (Andrew)😂😂😂😂

What about vegetarians?

Phew, thought avocados were gonna get away with their nonsense

Who are they? 🤣🤘🤣🤘

Imagine being so detached from reality that you fail to see the truth of the very opinion that you’re attempting to mock through this skit.

Nadine not woke enough to make the list. Colin obviously has a soft spot

I've got a little list ...

They fed that same dog human a few weeks back. Edit : reply to an The Onion video... now it is here.. I was too slow

AVOCADOS!!!!!!!! LLLOOLLLL!!!!!!!!!!

He forgot the entire financial sector.