The Other Woman Trope - Demystifying The Villain 

Actually this is a very Western perspective. In cultures where soap opera dominate the prime time slot like South Asian and South American, the main girl has always been the innocent angel "other woman" and the fiancé or wife of the husband is this evil enemy of true love. This has been the case for at least 4 decades. The husband, the male lead, would then GASLIGHT the hell out of the fiancé and wife character, saying "I don't feel anything for (the main girl)" "You are just imagining things" "You are acting crazy!" until the evil fiancé/wife character did something that crossed the line like trying to kill the other woman. And when the male lead get together with the main girl finally, "I love you since the moment I saw you." This is what soap opera and romance novel think that is every woman's fantasy. To be with a rich caring man, who of course already has a wife/fiancé/girlfriend, because if he's good, why would he be single? That is a trope we can all live without.

Are you guys at "The Take" aware that this comments section is brimming with hostility and judgement toward the titular Other Woman? I can't, no matter how warily or diplomatically, share the story of the dual sided affair that led to my loving marriage without getting an *avalanche* of hate from your indignant viewers. "Hate them both but hate him more" seems to be all 95% of your viewers got out of this compassionate and open minded, thought provoking video.

My "mistress" experience~ Once an Adulterer Always An Adulterer? * an autobiographical essay * It's often, and on the whole wisely, said that if a person lies to and cheats on their spouse, he or she would make a terrible partner. They will eventually, *inevitably* lie to you. Savvy, intelligent therapists will tell you this. It certainly isn't bad advice. And yet… This will likely be an unpopular statement to which many will object-and I'll try to explain-but: I don't *entirely* believe this received wisdom, that if someone lies to one person they will inevitably lie to you, is *always* true. Seven years ago, when my fiancé and I got involved with each other, through a gradual, morally tormenting process, we were both married to other people. Both, perhaps to varying degrees, unhappily married. In his case it was a sexless, high conflict marriage that he wanted to save--but wasn't enjoying very much. He often felt bossed and bullied and resentful. They were on their fourth couple's therapist in just a few years. Nothing seemed to work for very long. There was a stubborn divide between them. I know this, as his confidante, though of course only he could tell the details of his story. For myself, I was finally depleted and heartbroken after twenty years of being judged, told how to live, and increasingly ignored by what I understand in retrospect to have been a grandiose narcissist: My beloved husband. As soon as my much older husband lost his exceptionally vigorous and viril health, the ugly sides of his personality that he'd apparently transcended through our extensive couple's therapy came back. Literally as soon as he was diagnosed with a slow growing, slow spreading prostate cancer he started attacking my choices and pushing me away. It was like the benign and lovable Dr. Jeckle side of him that our therapy had brought out had abruptly, from one day to the next, reverted back to angry, aggressive Mr. Hyde. It was then that my marriage began its descent into failure. He used sophisticated thinking about arbitrary thresholds to argue that he did not have cancer at all. When he threatened to refuse treatment I was beside myself. Then the shutting me out excellerated. I accused him of cheating on me with the television, since it was his true companion and he would angrily silence me so that he could devote his full attention to this electronic mistress. Being ignored felt so bad, I'd often cry alone in the bathroom in the evening while he watched TV. I'd given up trying to tell him what I felt and needed. He had been dismissing and ignoring my pleas for a closer, more mutually respectful relationship for seven long years… I felt I would have rather been single and alone than teased by his presence yet denied connection. It made me hysterically unhappy. People assume that a younger wife has lost attraction to her aging husband, but I hadn't lost attraction or interest, and his sometimes overtly expressed disinterest in me was excruciating. One afternoon, after taking post op care of him for eight weeks, I noticed his impatience and hostile tone and said, "Apparently you don't enjoy talking to me anymore." It was a fear, an exaggeration I assumed was not entirely true. "Unfortunately that's true," he said. Shocking me, and hurting me, to my core. So that was *my* situation. My partner in adultery didn't want to leave his spouse because he had a very young daughter. I didn't want to leave because my difficult husband--once a paragon of health and vigor-was now in steep decline. I told my spouse the truth about the incipient affair. (In fact I asked for and received his permission before meeting in person with my new potential love.) My now-fiancé-then-paramour committed the ultimate lie of omission. He cheated in secret. And he felt very guilty. And so did I. About all of it. I felt guilty about his wife, and about his very young child. That's why we kept *trying* to stop chatting on Messenger for two or three hours every night… Then on the phone in the afternoon. We did try. We tried to resist the thirst to talk with each other about Shakespeare and the true, supernatural meaning of the Shroud of Tourin. Resist the pleasure of making up long streams of nonsensical poetry together at midnight. And sharing stories from our lives. We tried. And we deliberated a long time before finally giving in to the gravitational pull and meeting in person. It was like an illicit tree, very green and too stubbornly alive to be chopped down. -When we finally met (met again really, we'd known each other in high school, in a kind of unforgettable way)... …when we finally met and eventually kissed…when he grabbed me and kissed me…stopped holding himself back and started kissing me *constantly,* as we drove around together in my car… -I'll never forget those explosive kisses!- …it felt like I had entered the music of the spheres, that heavenly realm of celestial singing in the cosmology of the ancients… But there were casualties. The affair was never discovered. His wife never found out. But his feelings for me and chatting-together-five-hours-a-day involvement with me intensified the emotional distance between them, thus undermining their marriage. After about six months of being okay with my non-monogamy, my naturally choleric husband became intensely, painfully, Angrily jealous. "It seems like you two are having the affair of the decade" he'd say sarcastically. (In my celestially enamoured heart I believed it was more like the greatest affair in a quarter century at least.) By the time his approval turned to obsessive jealousy, I knew I had found my soulmate and was not willing to let the outside relationship go. He never asked me to actually, knowing, he said, that making it forbidden would only inflame my "besotted" state, as he called it. Thus in a way I hurt my husband more with my honesty than if I had lied. I've been told I "should have lied." But lying to him would have been impossible, given his beliefs! He insisted on what he called "radical honesty" in all personal relationships. To lie to him would have been the ultimate betrayal. Eventually both marriages ended. My husband passed away on his own terms after a year and a half of turmoil between us, even during the several months when I took a break from my affair to focus on him. (He was always condemning me about one thing or another. At least our very final words to each other were redemptive.) My lover's wife decided to leave him, finding him to be too angry a person. Now we're an out and public, engaged couple, though very few know our origin story. It's hard to say when we became engaged. In a way we always were, from before the first kiss. I'll always remember our shared, besotted elation, wandering from room to room of our love nest (we called it Castleview after a side street nearby) talking constantly and kissing occasionally… I'll always remember when he said to me, standing there shirtless, bronze skinned, and a bit tubby, "Can you be my mistress, like, forever?" Or the morning when we talked about how this "might be all we ever have." "Might?" I asked, beginning to wonder whether he really loved me as much as he seemed to. "Well, I mean, would you even want to be in a real relationship with a guy like me?" he replied. I said, "Everything is on the table except abandoning my husband." After that we talked excitedly as we made the bed. Then he very understandably got scared. He had an adorable very young daughter, the young family he'd long wanted. I understood. Later we were sweeping the hallway, busily chatting again. I said that just knowing he would consider a real life with me meant the world to me. "Does that make me a bad person?" I asked. He swept me up into his arms, almost dipping me as if we were dancing, "You're not a bad person sweetie" he said. The way he held me…it felt as if I was made of light. That night he wrote to me by Messenger "You have been a blossom of loveliness." So when he finally woke one morning, his divorce at last almost finalized, and said to me "Will you marry me?" he was just making official what we had long known and felt. This is for life. -Once after a fight, I asked him "Do you want me to leave?" "I want you to stay and make a life with me" was his answer.-- We're both older now and feel less need for illicit thrills, though it wasn't ever really about that. We were just two unhappily married people who fell madly in love with each other. My partner works at home and we're hardly ever apart. After seven years together, I have no fear that he's cheating. (One reason I can trust him is that he knows I wouldn't throw him away over one indiscretion, if that should happen.) *Primarily* I have no fear because we're so right for each other. Best friends with affection all day-and with passion for each other still. We've had *serious problems,* immense, intense conflict, probably because we both had combative, to be honest pretty F'd up parents. Lovable and loving-but f*cked up. Yet we've chosen each other and only each other again and again. But, when I think of the moral boundary we violated, the word that usually comes to mind is "sin". [continued next comment]

[conclusion to previous comment] Don't they say: We all sin? I can't undo what I did. But I will try, in this second half of my life, to avoid sinning again. And as for his sin: Sometimes people cheat and lie to their spouse because they feel trapped and don't want to wound their children with divorce... I can't imagine lying to my late husband, but I know my honest approach hurt him very deeply. And the turmoil of it all-juggling two hyper assertive and demanding Alpha males, sometimes fighting with both of them on the same day-nearly wrecked me. And my fiance still feels guilty about the adultery he committed when another woman was his wife. His first wife and the mother of his child. The guilt persists. These are complex issues... I'm grateful for what I found and chastened by how I found it.😔🥀 *

@@panasit Very interesting! Quite interesting actually. Very different cultural norms / tropes. Gaslighting is pretty inexcusable... Some thoughts: There's this assumption that the mistress is a single woman and her married lover is high status. Not always! When I was a mistress I was already married--trapped in an unhappy, devolved marriage, to a high status male. I guess when we tell these stories, like Water For Elephants, the young, lower status male lover is imagined to be single. He rescues the trapped unhappy wife. Somehow we think this is romantic, though it's certainly adultery too. Anna Karenina was married to a more high status man when she gave up her status by falling in love with Count Vonsky, becoming, as she calls herself, "his mistress." So those are two non standard scenarios. Mine (see personal essay as comment above) was a third non standard scenario: Two unhappily married people falling in love, utilizing honest non monogamy on one side and more traditional cheating on the other side. Result: No one got caught but the affair partners ended up happily married, still carrying a certain psychic burden of guilt. Life is complex is all I'm trying to illustrate...

Well, my paramour and I were unhappily married to other people. I did the honest non monogamy thing so I could save my heart and be with someone who actually gave a sh*t about me; he went the more conventional cheating rout. We both felt *very guilty* . But also VERY in love with each other. The affair never came to light. His now ex wife left for her own reasons, which left us free to resume seeing each other. Seven years later we're joined at the hip, engaged, and happy. I'm not proud of our beginnings, but I am glad we began, and found each other.

@@judeannethecandorchannel2153 sure but will you be up for having an open marriage should he grow tired of you? Or do you think he’ll prefer to just cheat in secret?

@@dinkyboss Uh, neither. (Though I used to fret about that very issue.) He's getting too tubby and middle aged and exhausted for such shenanigans, and I know how to keep things *lively and spicy* enough to keep a reasonable, rather than narcissistically greedy, man content. And I let him joke about his fav fantasy, blow job harems, like, *constantly.* I don't object to or interfere with his enjoyment of his irrepressible and BIZARRE ass fantasy life. It's quite funny actually! Every day ends with about 50 inane blow job jokes. It's Adorable. 🤗😄🤗

@@judeannethecandorchannel2153 if you both were not happy why don't you just broke up? is so simple... and are you sure you was the only one in his life? really..

@@judeannethecandorchannel2153 He’ll definitely cheat on you if he hasn’t already and then you’ll understand lmao.

Thank you

Precisely, it's a sad double standard that the mistress receives the majority of the blame, yet the man hardly does. It takes two to tango.

You can't take someone who doesn't want to get took

Yeah. EJ Speaks had a video about the other woman.

She still stole the husband. They're both assholes. You don't go shopping in somebody else's closet.

Yeah that part rubbed me the wrong way, she could be just a girl looking for love and understanding with a man that isn't my father and not destroying my family and betraying my mother, who also was her best friend. She had understanding, on my mom, and decided to fuck her up by fucking her husband

Yup, as long as the majority of the blame is placed on the person in the relationship, I don't see why we can't call the other person wrong. Yes, you're not a decent person if married or taken people are a kink to you. Introduce yourself with that facet of your personality and no woman will be your friend and no man will want to be in a commited relationship with you because you don't respect commitment. Although you should never get more than 30-40% of the blame because you didn't break a promise to anyone.

@@maheenm.k1015 We don't have to vindicate the Other Woman in an attempt to de-villainise her. The Other Woman is a complex figure, and that's a good thing! It can be interesting to delve into exactly why she feels compelled to go after a married man. She could be used to reflect the patriarchal impulse to be "superior" to another woman by catering to a man's desires, she could be used to deconstruct the notion that women are automatically self-sacrificing romantics and (*gasp!*) can be selfish; in short, privileging her perspective is an opportunity to represent a real, flawed human being. But let's not make her into an angel... because no one is. 'Waitress' offers a good example of the Other Woman as a nuanced figure. Dr Pommater is in a relatively happy marriage (from the little we see of his wife there is nothing abusive about her), yet he cheats with the film/musical's protagonist, Jenna. Jenna is in an abusive relationship and has been stifled by her man-child husband and aborted ambitions - and the affair is a meaningful way of reclaiming her agency. But both the film and the musical show Jenna agonising over the affair and her acceptance that it is hurtful to Dr Pommater's wife even if it helped Jenna fight back against her abuser and get through an unplanned pregnancy. And that's life - women are not manipulative one-dimensional femme fatales vying for a married man out of nothing but sadism, they are people who should not be villified even if they are not absolved.

@@baonguyenxuanthai711 exactly!

@@baonguyenxuanthai711 there was nothing inherently complex about the so called other woman. This video while wonderfully produced was an exercise in COPE. Women are still partly blamed because they are thought of to be the fairer sex so all types of excuses are made as to why they would stray (if they are involves in a serious relationship) instead of taking their infidelity at face value. Women can be scoundrels too.

Exactly. Absolving someone who is knowingly involved in a cheating relationship is bs. They may not have the same level of responsbility as the cheating partner but they absolutly share the blame.

Your coment is amazing! I agree with everything you said in here.

10 out of 10!

@@Lillithowl To make matters worse, I remember reading reddit posts (and other websites) where women have said that they prefer to date married or taken men and that they don't feel bad about it.

OMG, thank you! I honestly love this channel, but I thought they were completely off with this analysis. As you said, anyone who cheats, to me, is an unreliable narrator of the true situation of their marriage. This is just lazy and seriously reaching.

Im just wondering did you and the cheating dude work out? Im sending no hate towards you. I really admire that you are recognizing your wrong choices and admitting it but i got curious because from what i have seen those kind of man dont change.

At least you realise what you did was wrong

I think it's awesome that you're able to own up to this and I'm super glad you've become a better person!

@@CsySnw yeah, i was young and dumb. Still doesn't justify what i did tho

@@star3catcherSEQUEL thank you!💗

Exactly!!!

Women have to be honest with themselves, each in her position, and admit that for them male love/validation is precious. That’s why they engage in affairs to begin with or hold accountable more the other woman than “their man”. If we are courageous enough to face this truth, the solution from here will come much more organically.

It's not that women can do no wrong.. It's just pointing out the fact that women are blamed disproportionately than the men who cheat.. That's as simple as this discussion can get..R U guys as saying that women do deserve that disproportionate blame and judgement! ?

@@t_gr4809 how the fuck did you translate the meaning of this comment like that in your mind?? I knoww the women are being held more accountable than men in cheating cases. For men that is just convinient, what pains me is the women that would hold accountable each other more than the man and the reason behind that is because the love of the man is so precious to them. That doesn’t mean by any means that women deserve that. But internalized misogyny is very sneaky, it can come even from the human need to belong. And it is a very delicate matter bcs if it’s being called out it can easily be translated that is women’s fault why they are being abused. Women are not united with each other in any issue that violates their gender. Now, the question is: “How can we spot the weak spots within ourselves, the needs that make us by into patriarchal bullshit, without pointing fingers to the other women bcs that only would perpetuate the fight within the gender. Everything you are honest with within yourself you can the power to trancend it. That is what I meant by that comment.

@@t_gr4809no ofc not but they chose to be in a relationship with a taken man they’re aren’t babies their grown adults who made that decision they should be blamed

It's definitely not as bad, but is still pretty bad

This! Like the man could be lying that he’s single. This is the only time the other woman shouldn’t be blamed. The only time both should be at fault (is if it takes two to tango) is if both know about whether one or both are taken but still dance regardless.

​@@Riskofrain527 I've been in both situations and imo they're equally shit. Like, when you find out you're the other woman, there's an extra layer of guilt there, because you do feel guilty as well, like you should have known, so in a way it's worse because when you get cheated on at least the feelings are clean

Agree

Yep, one party may be the more heinous of the two, but both cheaters are definitely in the wrong. . Also, you're right that the stories usually make the wife/gf look boring (oe prudish), crazy or (less often, but sometimes) physically ill and therefore unable to attend to her 'marital duties' as if that justifies adultery and betrayal. Like, c'mon! Break up with them or get a divorce. Yes, even if they're ill (or maybe ask if they're open to poly) because it's better to let them know you're uninvested to some degree than to betray them emotionally and physically. . But no one wants to *admit* they're the 'bad guy/gal' for cheating or leaving (especially if the partner is ill) so they blame-shift. . It's not even wrong to want to have your own emotional or physical needs met, but they almost never even try to communicate or be honest (or just honestly leave) their S.O. in order to find a healthier or happier relationship. It's usually just that the unfaithful partner doesn't want to leave their comfortable lifestyle or tarnish their 'white knight' image or put up with the hassle of separation, while still wsnting to get their kicks or the 'novelty rush' or the admiration of a lover who thinks they're the best thing since sliced bread (since they don't ever have to put up with their darker side like the cheated-on partner who lives with them does).

Hear hear

and it's not even a "sister/woman code" to not cheat with another friend/woman's man it's common decency 😭

This!

@@ams3244 Exactly!

@Music Case this mode of thinking is toxic. Even if I have no relationship to you, I *do* owe you something: basic decency. As a human being. We all owe that to each other. Partaking in something you know is going to cause great pain and suffering is a violation of human decency. Yeah, the cheating partner moreso, but you can't pretend a choice isn't being made on the "other woman"'s part

YES! I thought EXACTLY the same thing. I'm a hardcore feminist, but we still need to hold ourselves accountable when we do wrong, and that Definitely includes cheating.

it has nothing to do with patrarchy,hurting someone that you love is hard thats why we divert our anger to the other person(its much easier) and this goes for both the gender(men literally get into fist fight with other guy which might lead to someone being dead),its just that women using social isolation and torture to hurt other women while man use physical

they say that the other woman is a complex human being as if the cheating husband wasn’t too. and that doesn’t absolve him does it?

I honestly was looking for this comment. Somethings you can’t justify

@@lamarnash2439 couldnt agree more

It's also typical to look for a woman to blame for the man's actions.

@@KashyaCharsi Yup, as a result of patriarchy.

@@KashyaCharsi This is VERY true. I was simply making the observation that while the argument of sexism is valid, it's more complicated than that.

I understood and liked this comment, but couldn't understand the last sentence...

@@FabalociousDee It's the same reason a step mom like myself is sometimes blamed for the children's neglectful parent. I urged my late husband to be a better father to his adult kids. He didn't really listen. So I was blamed for his neglect of his first born daughter. By the daughter herself that is. 6 years older than me, with more status and advanced degrees, she became my "wicked step daughter." Though really his adult kids were my step-peers. Awkward. People don't want to blame the person they love and long to be loved by...😔😪😔

Thank you!!!!!! I thought I was the only one that felt this way. A lot of these shows that they used as examples, are not with the most likable characters. For example, I have never liked Carrie from sex in the city, it took me two episodes to know that. They tried to humanise Cassie saying that all she wanted was love when in reality, what she was striving for was kinda pathetic and as a result of daddy issues. Cassie was literally the first person Maddy would go to when Nate did something to her, so she practically knew how horrible he was and she STILL got with him. I loved Scandal as a show but I did not like Fitz, he kinda gave me rich, entitled, frat boy vibes, like how did he become the president of the US? Some times I did not like Olivia and was on the First Lady’s side. Being an other woman is not a victim role. Unless you did not know that the guy was committed to someone else, you are carry some guilt along with the cheating partner.

We don't have to vindicate the Other Woman in an attempt to de-villainise her. The Other Woman is a complex figure, and that's a good thing! It can be interesting to delve into exactly why she feels compelled to go after a married man. She could be used to reflect the patriarchal impulse to be "superior" to another woman by catering to a man's desires, she could be used to deconstruct the notion that women are automatically self-sacrificing romantics and (*gasp!*) can be selfish; in short, privileging her perspective is an opportunity to represent a real, flawed human being. But let's not make her into an angel... because no one is. 'Waitress' offers a good example of the Other Woman as a nuanced figure. Dr Pommater is in a relatively happy marriage (from the little we see of his wife there is nothing abusive about her), yet he cheats with the film/musical's protagonist, Jenna. Jenna is in an abusive relationship and has been stifled by her man-child husband and aborted ambitions - and the affair is a meaningful way of reclaiming her agency. But both the film and the musical show Jenna agonising over the affair and her acceptance that it is hurtful to Dr Pommater's wife even if it helped Jenna fight back against her abuser and get through an unplanned pregnancy. And that's life - women are not manipulative one-dimensional femme fatales vying for a married man out of nothing but sadism, they are people who should not be villified even if they are not absolved.

@@baonguyenxuanthai711 I think there's a balance here, of course she shouldn't be vilified and I think Fleabag was very interesting look into this trope, but that doesn't excuse bad behaviour and this channel in particular falls into a very lazy trap of using the patriarchy as an explanation for female villains/antivillains/antiheroes

But hasn’t that what this current wave of feminism been doing? You know? Portraying women as victims?

Agreed

THANK YOU!!!!!!!

Which is why I don’t watch old episodes of SATC and didn’t watch AJLT.

So true! The scene when Charlotte calls her out is so good - “you think about what would happen to YOU if she found out, you don’t think about her”!

Carrie was a sick narcissistic fool who tried to control and manipulate those around her. She treated men like crap so I always enjoyed watching her get dumped.

iconic

The older I get the better this movie ages 😅

Legally Blonde. As always ahead of it's time ;)

What is this from?

@@EvolianTiger A cinematic masterpiece called ‘Legally Blonde’.

The series 'Why women kill' is great example. It was very refreshing to see. Also that movie with Cameron Diaz ...

@@hereforit2 makes sense

@@hereforit2 in why women kill it was more “keep your friends close and your enemies closer”

this is my favourite trope. even when there was no cheating, i love when the ex and new girlfriend bond and become friends 😍 examples: jane the virgin, crazy ex-girlfriend

Reminds me of the song Jolene. She isn't vilifying her, she actually admires her.

Whew, what a read.

it has nothing to do with patrarchy,hurting someone that you love is hard thats why we divert our anger to the other person(its much easier) and this goes for both the gender(men literally get into fist fight with other guy which might lead to someone being dead),its just that women using social isolation and torture to hurt other women while man use physical

I'm once again going to risk being pilloried in this comments section. Have you ever read Tolstoy's novel Anna Karenina? It's about 800 pages and incredibly beautiful and a wonderful read, especially in the new translation. In any translation, but especially the new translation. Anna is a early middle aged married woman who becomes the "mistress" of a younger man, Count Vronsky, a military officer. As we read the novel we come to understand that Anna, at a young age, chose an anemic marriage, which she was content with until she understood what real love and passion feel like. I once found myself in a similar situation, except that I was, after 19 turbulent years, *wildly unhappily* married, watching my marriage devolve, but married to someone who was too ill in a way that had been going on for a few years and was destined to go on for at least a few more years (my misery began before he became ill) again, he was too ill for me to consider leaving him. It was important that I stay and take care of my ailing, increasingly debilitated husband… My paramour had his own reasons for being unhappy and his own reasons for not leaving--especially a very young little girl who was far too young to suffer parental divorce. So I was in something similar to that Anna Karenina position. I certainly and most definitely *did not* think I was being "quirky"! Or "dangerous." (I and we felt guilty. But also more and more in love.) I was desperate. And I did what I had to do to survive emotionally. Now the two paramors, myself and my partner, have been together for 7 years (his wife never learned of our affair; she had the dignity and control of choosing to leave her devolving marriage). Now my partner and I are making marital arrangements. I've been told over and over again on this thread that I am bound to be cheated on. But I think that is the thinking of a college girl or someone fresh out of college. Young and youngish men can be very restless about romance and sex, even into their early forties. By the time you hit the early to mid fifties, where we are now, the chemical balance in a man's bloodstream changes, less testosterone, more oxytocin. Less lust and a stronger need to bond. And it's simply true that many 2nd marriages are happier, because the two people are more suitable, because they chose one another at a time in their lives when they actually understood what marriage is like and what they need in a marriage in order to be happy. So I don't in any way agree that a woman who finds herself in the other woman position is, necessarily, self indulgently thinking "how quirky and unconventional and rebellious against social mores!" she is. I'm sure there are situations like that. But I'm sure there are also situations like mine, where the person is hysterically miserable after decades of trying to make things work... ...and is simply trapped between a rock and a hard place…

@@judeannethecandorchannel2153 are you really comparing your situation to that of a women in 1870 Russia? Unless there is something preventing anyone from leaving the relationship like monetarily depending on them or idk being a woman in 1870 then no. Cheating doesn't become all right. You are all over this comment section trying to defend why what you did was right. It's not. You can have your reasons but it doesn't make them right, cheating is abusing someone's trust and to help others Doo that is also wrong.

They are just trying to make all of us stupid.

No all of the shame should be placed on BOTH parties

i agree but if the other person knows and still does it they deserve a bit of the fault as well

I wish they dove into the psychology of "The homewrecker"

@@vonjaey6736 not really cause only one person broke someone else’s trust

@@sirtreewalker8213 so what? Does that mean you shouldn’t be a decent person and not help them in cheating?

its the 'you cant shame the shameless' idea. men are expected to be shitty so the awful things they do are looked over, while women are expected to be better people inherently and we're shamed to hell and back for mistakes we make in a way men aren't. see trump and hilary

@@reginakc they didnt anywhere near as much, all the hate was toward cassie

I mean,Cassie got involved with Nate after he and Maddy broke up, she didn't "stole" him or "seduced him" , if someone is "the other woman" for Maddy-Nate that would be Jules and even then she didn't know it was Nate the person she bonded with online.

Nate is such a horrible little person

That’s true, but to be fair no one, not even the show cares about MKay that much. If as liked, or given as much screen time as a Maddy, I’m sure the reaction would be different.

Right.

I like this take more than the original video. I feel like the last third was just an argument for polyamory. With no... media analysis.

This is the most thoughtful and neutral take I've seen so far I agree 👍

the other woman is just as guilty as the man. she is not a victim

If you actually talk to the other woman, it's all about an ego boost. The ones I have encountered are competitive with other women. It's more about feeling superior over another woman than it is about finding true love with a man. lol

How old is this study?

@@Passions5555 2017. It was a small but interesting study from Cardiff Metropolitan University. I got curious one night & looked up "do men or women get blamed more for affairs?" and read a couple psychological articles, this study being included in one of them. But there was another survey that, if I recall correctly, indicated women are more likely to blame 50% the mistress & 50% the husband, whereas men are more likely to just blame 100% the wife & 0% the 'other man'; which meant women get the greater net blame. I can't recall how I found this (now elusive) survey, sorry, but maybe you're better at finding it. I'll try looking for it if I have time.

@@ec6621 That's true. Men will totally blame the wife 100%. I've heard men say "I'm not going to blame the man for what a woman does." Very interesting.

@@cpeacenlove Personally, I'd agree with that. I'm more likely to blame a cheating husband 100% & the mistress 0%. I've held that opinion for nearly my whole life. But women, it seems, are more likely to be angry or disagree with me, insisting I change my mind. Meanwhile men don't come at me but they don't openly agree with me either lol. Overall, I know my opinion is probably in the minority of women, but I also know I'm helping to balance the gender blame imbalance.

@@ec6621 (this is somewhat related) I also remember reading about a statistic where mistresses usually receive more expensive gifts than the wife.

Agree and i feel like a lot of stories don't show this enough, if a man has proven himself able to cheat then they will cheat. And in most cases if they marry the misstress they will cheat on them too.

Right? Girl, you've got a front row seat to how this man views and treats the woman in his life, it's not going to be different for you. Don't be a fool.

That's so true Anna!

its actually statistically more likely

We don't have to vindicate the Other Woman in an attempt to de-villainise her. The Other Woman is a complex figure, and that's a good thing! It can be interesting to delve into exactly why she feels compelled to go after a married man. She could be used to reflect the patriarchal impulse to be "superior" to another woman by catering to a man's desires, she could be used to deconstruct the notion that women are automatically self-sacrificing romantics and (*gasp!*) can be selfish; in short, privileging her perspective is an opportunity to represent a real, flawed human being. But let's not make her into an angel... because no one is. 'Waitress' offers a good example of the Other Woman as a nuanced figure. Dr Pommater is in a relatively happy marriage (from the little we see of his wife there is nothing abusive about her), yet he cheats with the film/musical's protagonist, Jenna. Jenna is in an abusive relationship and has been stifled by her man-child husband and aborted ambitions - and the affair is a meaningful way of reclaiming her agency. But both the film and the musical show Jenna agonising over the affair and her acceptance that it is hurtful to Dr Pommater's wife even if it helped Jenna fight back against her abuser and get through an unplanned pregnancy. And that's life - women are not manipulative one-dimensional femme fatales vying for a married man out of nothing but sadism, they are people who should not be villified even if they are not absolved.

Realest comment here! You can always tell who is in fantasy world when it comes to these real life situations. I agree, both are usually crap people that deserve each other. The philanderer deserves the direct punishment but no one likes a snake either. No matter how much people try to intellectualize it the Other Person will always be seen as a snake who enables poor behavior in my eyes.

your mother is a good woman. she did not trash talk your father or his mistress. she let yall find out on your own. thats what she supposed to do. mistake people do is trash talk their ex. thats immature

But he was your friend’s boyfriend. Sometimes you fall in love with someone and you’ve never met his/her partner. Then having an affair with this person doesn’t necessarily put you in the wrong toward the partner. I mean, you are not the one cheating. We shouldn’t put the blame on the lover in this situation I think.

@@loussis8584 if you know they have a partner, you are in the wrong period. You are compliant in knowingly and deeply harming another person.

​@@sarahbates6534 well that's your opinion. I have a different one.

@@loussis8584 and for that opinion you are a bad person period. you're making excuses for your terrible behavior if you need 400 million reasons why "technically im not in the wrong" THEN YOURE IN THE WRONG. youre a narcisissts that wants to see yourself as the good guy who just "does bad things" when in reality youre just a bad person. actions speaks louder than words

@@loussis8584 And your opinion is pretty pathetic. Work on yourself. You’re willing doing something that’s hurting another person for selfish reasons. Take some responsibility.

But this video is not about you, it's about those who do it on purpose

@@mewesquirrel6720 yeah, but it’s also the issue that the ‘other woman’ is demonised without thought, ya know? Without even talking to her first, no checking if the bf was lying?

You need to forgive her. Her trust was betrayed just as much as yours was, and she was lied to, just as much as you were. As much as you judge her for her misdirected anger, I'm judging you from misdirecting yours at her. Women lack political power. I forgive all women, regardless If they uphold the patriarchy or not. None of us are liberated. None of us are free.

@@mickjen her anger isnt misdirected towards the girlfriend, this woman physically assaulted her without her giving her a chance to explain. It isnt patriarchy as she isnt angry about the cheating boyfriend, its self respect as she doesnt want to be hit and slapped for no absolute reason.

@@Kiiiiiiiie facts

Not sure I agree, divorce, the other woman and divorce for the other woman as tropes/concepts have been around for far longer than boleyn

Actually... Helena from Troy would be the oldest one xD

@@kim7990 Hellena was not the other woman, she left with another guy lol.

Great point‼️ Really the only intellectually sophisticated point I'm finding in this comments section...

Mmmhmm... the concept of divorce existed centuries and centuries before Anne Boleyn was a mere thought. It existed in ancient civilizations like in ancient Egypt for instance, it's always existed in Islam, Judaism, (Christianity too depending on the denomination) and myriads of other cultures, traditions and religions throughout the globe. Divorce was not invented by some white dude in England.

Agreed, I liked how they depicted the entire affair as messy and complicated, with nobody being fully innocent.

@@trinaq I was too young at the time to be Princess Diana obsessed fan, so this is genuine question, but what did Diana do wrong?

Me the ALPHA M*LE of this comment section and me command RESPECT. Right now me telling you to NOT observe any of me nice cool sweet videos. Instead just look at me awesome good powerful thumbnails. Thank you, dear po

@@panasit ok fiction, aside since the crown is not the real story and plays loose and fast with history. in the real world Charles and Camilla never saw each other for years unless at social events and reconciled their relationship in about 1986, after Charles and Diana's relationship had broken down entirely, about the same time Camilla and her own husbands did. however Camilla and her husband didn't divorce until 1995, but had been living apart for a decade, Charles and Diana divorced about the same time a year before her death. in the real world, it was a flawed marriage from the start, they cared about each other, but they were not compatible in the end, and it was always going to be an unhappy marriage, with both of them finding comfort in the arms of others, Charles realised that Camilla was the only one who was for him, whilst Diana embarked on several affairs of her own throughout her marriage. they were both flawed in relation to their marriage and hindsight really is something in the end.

@@panasit It was about the three of them being human.

"Leaving me was okay. People leave me all the time, I’m used to it. What hurts like hell is when you made me feel so damn special yesterday, and then make me feel so unwanted today."

Can't agree more.

Nah. Stop saying women “wrecked another woman’s home”. This is a misogynistic mindset. The cheating MALE wrecked his own home. I agree that the “other woman” who knew he’s married should be held accountable. But calling her a “home wrecker” is anti-feminist.

@@exoticsamba492 It's not anti feminist because she also played a part in wrecking that home by agreeing to get involved with him, especially if she seduced him. Plus, it's not gender thing as I'd even call a man who gets with a married woman a home wrecker.

Hear hear

@@exoticsamba492 if you help someone hide a body, aren’t you subject to a crime? If you help a man cheat knowingly you are partially responsible

This is an important thing to note. It's not all just fun and games and heartfeels. There are serious implications to disrupting a marriage, even to this day. It's threatening livelihoods

This is true 100% especially because another woman can get pregnant! There is nothing cute about being the other woman

I suppose women's financial security is not as threatened now as it was in previous decades. It's only the foundation of a family/home/and life that was painstakingly built together over the coarse of many years. Only the mental and emotional foundation of everyone who was harmed by two selfish people is rocked and damaged. But at least their financially okay so cheating must not be so bad

@@Lalan396 I don't think they were implying that, they were just saying how it could literally and completely ruin a family's life financially and social standing back in the day. It's still horrible, but at least you may not have to starve/become homeless if your husband leaves you. I say may not, be ause there's still a chance you still could be in some societies/circumstances. And there is definitely still some people who will blame you for them leaving too, unfortunately.

True 👌🏿 there was a period in history, not too long ago, where women were considered to have limited legal rights. You either “belonged” to a father or a husband.

I think consent is the key to all of this, some people are happy with polyamory and open relationships and that's okay too as long as everybody in that realtionship is down with it. But if someone feels pressured into it or doesn't know about it then yes it is pretty disgusting.

@@snowrose6253 yeah but polyamory its not cheating

In my experience, women who justified it, are women who have slept with married men. You can't called them out, when you are one of them. Source? Me, and old woman with life experience.

being a man does not mean when you find younger hotter woman you leave your wife and family to be with her.hurting your wife is not manly.taking responsibility is manly having emotional maturity and understanding and controlling attraction is manly.boys dont have self control man do

I totally agree with you...I mean problems occur in every relationship and if you have issues sort them out because thats what partners should do...and if nothing works get a divorce...of course its a fact that life is complex and human nature is highly nuanced but blaming the actions of every cheater on patriarchy and absolving every "other women" sets an extremely dangerous precedent...

Indeed, a man is rarely ever blamed for being a "Home Wrecker" in the same way a woman is, and most of the blame tends to fall on the mistress, when it takes TWO people to cheat, not just one.

Haha

Oh my god, the first season of Once Upon A Time had SUCH a frustrating sequence. (Spoilers) Like, Mary Margaret Blanchard was goddamn ostracised from the entire town, but no one raised a freaking EYEBROW at David, who was a consenting part in the affair and was, you know, THE ONE WITH A SIGNIFICANT OTHER. It was at least ten years ago I first watched it, and I've never gotten over that.

As a dude... that's fair.

@@trinaq You are 100% wrong, they call that man a cheater. Just because they don't call it a home wrecker doesn't make it different.

Literally him just admitting that he feels entitled to access to an additional body

In that case, diana was living in a gold's cage but all women have agency, if you're single you need to spot these red flags, because men always tell us in some way or other how they actually feel about loyalty, exclusivity, monogamy, etc, but sometimes women don't want to acknowledge the facts. For example: in first dates guys have told me they don't believe in monogamy, they wanted to experienced because there are so many beautiful women, and the list goes on. That's why I feel in unfair for blaming the other women, yes, is not feminist to participate in an affair because you're feeding a monster. But you or anyone has always the power to stop it. Don't conform to that, that's how you start, if other women do it or not, let those be their problems but not yours.

@@marte1376 He told her this in the course of their marriage and when she was single, she was hoodwinked into marrying by the Crown.

@@PokhrajRoy. yeah but I'm not speaking about diana , I'm speaking to women in general. I don't understand your reply

@@marte1376 Watch the previous video on ‘The Crown’ and you’ll get the context.

Do you ever feel like the take tend to sympathize/ understand toxic behavior like pick me more than saying it's OK not to forgive them

@@millsgurl8358 Exactly. We can understand their motives and mentality, but that doesn't mean we must accept or forgive their actions. In Turkish, we have a saying: "kadın kadının yurdudur", which means "a woman is home to other women". We basically are not allowed to purposely hurt another fellow woman.

@@tigress5173 i like that saying. its nice

Watch the other woman. I love that movie and that’s basically the whole plot

True.

That happened to my mom...

I love your username

The “nuclear family” that conservatives worship is indeed filled with adultery. Most conservative males always believed in having mistresses especially if they’re rich. So the “nuclear family” is just a man marrying a quiet, subservient housewife that he can freely cheat on. That’s why I’m glad the marriage rate dropped. 😮‍💨

With August, it isn't because he is a man, but the close friend of her son who was recovering from a drug addiction. If it was a girl and Will, but everything else the same, Will would be rightfully seen as a predator.

That’s a bit more low than any of these examples given (that I’ve seen, I haven’t watched them all). Wow. What a cousin, too.

The family element adds an extra dimension of terrible here. I'm so sorry for that shitty experience, Mitch. Glad you're done with someone that's clearly a horrible person though.

@@singularity___ that's kind of you, and I was a closeted transman at the time with an even more closeted bisexual man. Hence, why I feel sorry for my coz, she got a man who at best hates himself.

@@TheBLGL yeah. It was... an experience. I'm doing much better now.

@@mitcharendt2253 oh man, that's sad.... But glad you are doing well and are happy now.

THANK YOU SOMEONE SAID IT. It is true that both parties can be at fault, and that both should be held accountable. I think what should be done is to see what drove them to do those things, but never excuse them or say "They're not the ones at fault."

Thank you! This is how I feel. I was cheated on and I blamed both parties. Him for cheating & her for helping him cheat. It takes 2. She actually messaged me on instagram at some point to ask me a few questions which for some reason I answered & so i asked her if it ever occured to her that by her actions, she was helping to destroy someones life & inflict grief and pain? She said it did occur to her but essentially that it didn't matter as much as her own happiness. So there you have it! Cheating is never ok and people who cheat or help someone cheat? Well they're people that for the sake of their own whims/desires have NO problem destroying someones world & causing someone the worst pain imaginable. I don't think much of either of those people. Man or woman. Not saying that's all they are we aren't 2 dimensional charactors but what you do when no one is watching. That says a lot.

Agreed!

We don't have to vindicate the Other Woman in an attempt to de-villainise her. The Other Woman is a complex figure, and that's a good thing! It can be interesting to delve into exactly why she feels compelled to go after a married man. She could be used to reflect the patriarchal impulse to be "superior" to another woman by catering to a man's desires, she could be used to deconstruct the notion that women are automatically self-sacrificing romantics and (*gasp!*) can be selfish; in short, privileging her perspective is an opportunity to represent a real, flawed human being. But let's not make her into an angel... because no one is. 'Waitress' offers a good example of the Other Woman as a nuanced figure. Dr Pommater is in a relatively happy marriage (from the little we see of his wife there is nothing abusive about her), yet he cheats with the film/musical's protagonist, Jenna. Jenna is in an abusive relationship and has been stifled by her man-child husband and aborted ambitions - and the affair is a meaningful way of reclaiming her agency. But both the film and the musical show Jenna agonising over the affair and her acceptance that it is hurtful to Dr Pommater's wife even if it helped Jenna fight back against her abuser and get through an unplanned pregnancy. And that's life - women are not manipulative one-dimensional femme fatales vying for a married man out of nothing but sadism, they are people who should not be villified even if they are not absolved.

it has nothing to do with patrarchy,hurting someone that you love is hard thats why we divert our anger to the other person(its much easier) and this goes for both the gender(men literally get into fist fight with other guy which might lead to someone being dead),its just that women using social isolation and torture to hurt other women while man use physical

Pretty much, we should be able to call that kind of woman a shitty person as long as the man gets the majority of the blame because he's the one who broke his promise. What she did is still a shitty thing to do that only a shitty person would do.

I’m so sorry, that sounds horrible-I hope that your friend is okay.

Well...atleast karma is a comforting thing.

it should be directed at both people involved

Because we as a society know Marriage isn't perfect and there are cracks. So for someone to seek to take advantage of that is generally considered bad.

@@Chris-rg6nm So let's drag August Alsina over Jada Pinkett. 💁‍♀️

It's foolish to think your spouse can't be taken from you. People are human they aren't unmovable objects.

it's because people don't want to accept that someone they loved and trusted betrayed them. They blame the 'other woman' or 'other man' because that person means nothing to them to begin with so they're a lot easier to hate.

i dont know about the last bit though. Relationships are complicated but yeah, i don't think you are necessarily at fault or "accepting it". If you stay with someone who hits or cheats on you, only the person hitting or cheating is at fault. Ofc the person staying in that relationship needs therapy but i wouldn't say they are "at fault". If they truly accepted it, there would be a conversation about opening a relationship or something like that, for me cheating is a form of emotional abuse.

@@allysiren when I mean by the married woman being at fault if she stays with her man, I meant that she can’t be mad at the other woman, since her staying with the man means she accepts his behavior. Reading my initial comment, I see how that doesn’t come across well.

@@allysiren married ladies are not victims as well, i know is a hard statement but let's stop feeding victim mentality. The other woman has responsibility but you have it as well the moment you decide to shut your mouth and pretending nothings happening. Sometimes the other woman cares two cents about him or his family, not all mistresses suffer, suffer the ones that care for the dude. And I'm pretty sure he gave you signs he was non commit al the moment you were getting to know him.

I agree on this comment, women are not and shouldn't be responsible for the lives of other women, yes, a woman that contributes to the infidelity of a guy is not feminist, blablabla, but let's stop pretending the ones that were cheated on have no agency, they do, and you need to take your decisions based on your wellness

@@marte1376 they may not always be able to leave, though. The husband may be violent, threaten her, pressure from society, etc. In many countries, divorce is difficult and divorced women have a hard time in society.

Fatal Attraction. Curls.

Lana ❤️‍🔥

Immediately thought of Lana when I saw the thumbnail

"To be the mistress of a married man is to have the better role. Do you realize? His dirty shirt, his disgusting underwear, his daily ironing, his bad breath, his hemorrhoid attacks, his fuss, not to mention his bad moods, and his tantrums. Well all that is for his wife. When a married man comes to his mistress... he's always bleached and ironed, his teeth sparkle, his breath is like perfume, he's in a good mood, he's full of conversation, he is there to have a good time with you." -- Embroideries by Marjane Satrapi

Your comment is entirely misogynistic. How is the other woman equally a villain? The only one to blame here is the cheater and the cheater ONLY!

@@exoticsamba492 If a woman gets into a relationship with a taken man, yes, she is equally the villain. A man can't cheat unless a woman cheats with him. Stop calling everything ''misogynistic''. Ya'll don't even use it correctly

@@wildheart2978 Nope. It IS misogynistic. She’s not “equally” the villain. Unless she your trusted family or friend, she doesn’t owe you anything. Only your man owes you loyalty. And funny how you say “a man can’t cheat unless a woman cheats with him”, as if having the desire the cheat is the woman’s fault. When will you people ever hold MEN accountable alone???

Okay Thankyou! I agree this video screamed "I'm other woman but please don't be mad"

Exactly-but hey, at least they end with some not-at-all toxic gems like “maybe after going through this the wife/girlfriend will emerge stronger, more independent (another woman)” and “maybe we should just be more honest, sometimes our partners aren’t attracted to us and want variety.” 🙄

Does the guy hold the "other woman" down and force himself upon her? If so, he should be arrested. If not, and she willingly gets into bed with him, knowing he has a wife and kids at home, she is nothing more than a homewrecker and deserves whatever she gets.

It happens because it’s easier to have a scapegoat and vilify the other woman than to realize the man you love, the man you STILL love, despite his cheating, wronged you. It’s a way the cheated on spouse can continue to be in denial that their spouse doesn’t love them enough to be faithful.

True. The _other woman_ can find a similar but single man. Men are like buses: there is a new one every 20 minutes.

And the other woman/man if they knowingly participated.

I'll never understand why cheating people will say how their relationship is miserable, and yet never leave the relationship. Like are you really miserable in the relationship? Because if you were then pretty sure you'd be gone by now. Plus you would save yourself from a lot of drama, but I guess you can never take a cheater's word.

Did you tell their wives that their husbands were trying to cheat on them?

@@kittykittybangbang9367 have you ever had that conversation. The woman mostly gets blamed or they thank you and staying with the man on the whole.

Agreed, this is total BS and there ARE predatory, damaged women that get a sick thrill out of cavorting with married men.

THIS. The take missed it on this one. There is NO brand of 'feminism' to justify the other woman.

Just remember it takes 2 people to cheat

and what are you supposed to do? Let's put the worse of your escenarios where the other woman is giving you war, are you going to compete ? Some say, all is fair in love and war, I still don't know what is a good answer to that

@@marte1376 it's not about love it's about selfishness it really pathetic that someone who thinks has the higher ground just to sleep with someone who's married guess what sweet heart your not special he or she just going to replace you that's it.

@@annasullivan9768 yeah he may replaced you but you're still allowing that to happen and that person is communicating that you're not that important or unique even if you're in a relationship. And actually the ones that believe that are superior are the person actively cheating, your points are twisted and again, you're falling in the trap of blaming the other person because a person doesn't see you as enough. I really don't know what is worse

@@marte1376 I'm blaming both you know when a man is catching his wife cheating it's not a big deal but if it's the other way around every one quickly defends the side girl even though she knew the guy is married.

Not so fast, Sues Anna- the other woman who knowingly engages in sex with the married man is indeed also an asshole.

She was humanised in season 3 too. When Charlotte defended her

Seems that way though lol

One of the best parts of Legally Blonde was when Elle and Vivian realized that the guy they were fighting over wasn’t actually worth much-his success almost depended on their directing their energies at each other. So they ditched him and became best friends.

@@Echo-mg5em And that is why LB will forever trump BJD

*THANK YOU!!!* I'm so tired when the media tries to overly victimize the LGBT who get with the opposite sex to hide their true preference. They aren't always poor, oppressed souls who are hiding their true selves in a heteronormative society. Very often, they're only doing it for appearances while doing what you just described. This is very common among religious circles (especially Mormons, go read about this).

I loved that line, even though Alex was severely unhinged, Glen Close brilliantly brought her to life.

this channel loves that movie, and same 😭

😹

I felt bad for the wife, the daughter and obviously the rabbit in this film, but never for the guy.

I feel bad for that woman. Hopefully that mistress will realize what a horrible person that husband was, and maybe he'll cheat on her again.

We don't have to vindicate the Other Woman in an attempt to de-villainise her. The Other Woman is a complex figure, and that's a good thing! It can be interesting to delve into exactly why she feels compelled to go after a married man. She could be used to reflect the patriarchal impulse to be "superior" to another woman by catering to a man's desires, she could be used to deconstruct the notion that women are automatically self-sacrificing romantics and (*gasp!*) can be selfish; in short, privileging her perspective is an opportunity to represent a real, flawed human being. But let's not make her into an angel... because no one is. 'Waitress' offers a good example of the Other Woman as a nuanced figure. Dr Pommater is in a relatively happy marriage (from the little we see of his wife there is nothing abusive about her), yet he cheats with the film/musical's protagonist, Jenna. Jenna is in an abusive relationship and has been stifled by her man-child husband and aborted ambitions - and the affair is a meaningful way of reclaiming her agency. But both the film and the musical show Jenna agonising over the affair and her acceptance that it is hurtful to Dr Pommater's wife even if it helped Jenna fight back against her abuser and get through an unplanned pregnancy. And that's life - women are not manipulative one-dimensional femme fatales vying for a married man out of nothing but sadism, they are people who should not be villified even if they are not absolved.

It’s another sign of how removed from real life Hollywood is-most normal people can grasp the nuance of being hurt by more than one person, something this video seems to miss.

😂😂 so true

Hillary knew what she was getting with Bill. Even back at their days at Yale. She's very savvy and she's no victim (some might say I'm being polite).

I'm so mad about the gilded age. They left all the questions open...😭😭😭😭

I know I will be sexist now for saying it, but men really don't give a crap about a woman's friendship.

@@MsMinoula oh for sure, they absolutely care even less about bro code than girls do, cause I think girls at least attempt loyalty and will more often be hesitant to break the bond, but dudes will far more often shamelessly flirt with their homies gfs/wives

Men lie to women all the time. The responsibility of commitment is on HIM.

Agreed. I’m guessing that all of the justified criticisms of this video are going to be chalked up to internalized misogyny and swiftly disregarded.

That's sad, must have been hard for you. Most other women are lonely, complicated and vengeful playing out some sick game of revenge to re-enact or right some wrong in their past.

she not a victim