This definitely speaks alot to my own experiences. Just to give an example I remember once in middle school. I was in a new school district, very sheltered and treated as one of the gifted kids on top of my Asperger's (which is how I prefer to describe it for myself, because the stereotypes and ideas associated with that term I think are more accurate in my cvase), so I introduced myself as "smart" without realizing how pretentious I was coming off. I also mentioned being friends with a kid from my old district who happened to share a name with one of my classmates, so weird start already. One point during sixth period, I rolled up my jeans. This one kid asks me why and I said "because I was hot", sure enough he and all his friends start laughing and telling me I'm not. Telling me I was stupid and the such. I was in the same district until graduation, and believe it or not I never really made long-term friends there. In many ways, my adolescent socializing was done online instead. But by then I was 16 and well behind where I should've been. I'd be lying if I said I didn't think of myself as an undesirable from time to time.
Thank you so much for making this video! I relate to many of the things you talked about in this video. (I'm also autistic, so this video makes me feel seen and understood!)
I’ve had a lot of my actions interpreted as malicious by others when it was either caused by a misunderstanding in communication, or a misunderstanding of social cues. I’ve gotten in trouble for repeating stuff I heard on TV because I thought it was socially acceptable.
Thank you for sharing your stories and experiences. I may/may not be neurodivergent (never got tested or diagnosed for it so hard to say), but there's so much value in being open and honest about both the good and the bad of it all. I'm happy to know you and that you've found communities that accept and welcome you as you are, when growing up that's something you were deprived of.
i really resonate with a lot of what you said, especially the bit about being singled out and thinking you're an undesirable and just wanting to be normal, the line about wishing if you tried hard enough to be normal then a phychiatrist might pronounce it a misdiagnosis felt like you were reading my mind. i'm a teenager now, and i just want to be normal, i know you said that it gets better and there's nothing wrong with it, but i dissagree i'm just broken and i dont fit into socciety properly, i cant be normal no matter how hard i try and i dont see how that's not a bad thing. i hate being different, and being singled out. i remember once there was some event happening at school where we had a day dedicated to doing these team work activities, and everyone in my group was arguing and it was really stressful and so when no one was looking i slipped into PE equiptment room, and hid behind the mats for the rest of the day, and the teachers noticed i was gone so when i slipped out at the end of the day they asked me where i had been, and the worst part is they didn't punish me or anthing like they would have a normal student, and i didn't even try to explain that i did it because i was stressed out to get sympathy, i tried to play it off like i just did it because i was lazy and wanted to get out of work. i'm really glad you made this video, it made me feel better knowing you struggled too, just about every other video about autism makes it seem like there is nothing wrong with it and that all autistic people love themselves and are happy despite the challenges, i felt like i was the only one who hated myself for it.
I hear you and really hope things get better for you, this is why as I said, I think it is important to acknowledge the negative as the positive. I do very much encourage self-love validation etc., no one is "broken," but I appreciate it can absolutely feel like that sometimes
I dislike how deeply I relate to these childhood experiences. I trained myself as a teenager to behave like a "normal" girl but I frequently behaved in ways that alienated my peers and I did not understand what I did wrong without lots of effort and explanation. I relate to constantly wishing to grow into being "normal" or finally learning enough social skills to fit in around normal kids.
I feel you, around when I was at sixth form I used to try and convince myself that I didn't appear autistic any more, that I had grown out of it and become "normal" and no one would be able to tell. It's only thinking back now that I realise how messed up it was to be having those kind of thoughts
As the father of 2 autistic boys, hearing your story means a lot. They are a bit younger than you, so hopefully we have moved on as a society a bit and they won't face so many of the same challenges
Hi. I'm wondering if these days in your community, there are schools that cater to autistic kids. If so, what does the autistic community think of the idea of such schools. Would they rather see autistic kids be "mainstreamed" (though perhaps with a more modern perspective on autism than yours had). Thanks.
I'm not really knowledgeable enough on the subject to give a proper answer honestly, I believe there are special needs schools, though they're probably called something else, I'd have to do more research
I can answer this. I live in Chicago, and yes, there are autism specific schools. It took public special ed and a lot of issues before I knew that transferring my son was a choice. He is now thriving and doing amazingly well. I can only hope that places everywhere will start schools like this.
