First of all I want to thank you for all those lovely compliments. I worked very hard on myself to get to where I am today. I haven't spoken about my mother for a very long time so me speaking about her to you. I would really like it if we never speak about it again. It's just the wound is too deep. So now you know the story about my heart. I think I'm worse off than you are. Have tremendous faith in God though now I know he has his reasons and I want to measure up to what he wants me to be in this world. So therefore that's my power house. That's where I turned to for my guidance for my strength allowing and giving me the ability to keep moving forward and getting stronger and smarter and more resilient today after day I have to give it all to do respect to my faith in God.❤ You always say that I was not supposed to enter your life that I caught you off Guard. Well, let me tell you sweetheart. You were the furthest thing from my mind. I had made up my mind and I was never going to fall in love never and I never did and then you came along and you were just going to stay awake and then you were going to leave because that's what you do. You move from state to state country to country so I figured all right. I'll talk to him for a week or two and then he'll be gone and I'll resume my position back in my family. The matriarch and all be good. That's not what happened though. Was it sweetheart? Nope, I saw right through you and I think you saw right through me. We were both dying to be loved at this level. What I would give to have a man to stand beside me and really care about me and really love me. It brings me to tears😢 I have to convince myself a long long time ago that made you God just didn't want me to have one love. Maybe I was supposed to give my love to many others and that has been my life. My existence helping others healing others, protecting others and never really thinking about myself. I kept myself busy enough occupied so I didn't have to reflect on. Never meant finding a man who was compatible with me and Juana share my life as him. You are it. You are everything I wanted and everything more importantly than I needed. What do you know that sweetheart? My hero you are? I can't imagine the life you led. Leaving your hometown at 17 coming to America. Only a few friends I can't even imagine and when I see you today. I'm so proud of you from the little I know about you as a person as an entertainment, but as a person. You inspire me. Really you know or not. I saw you today singing Grace that song. I don't even know how you sing it. I cry every time you stop saying the first few words. First you tell the story then you sing the song. You're a lot stronger than you think you are. I do believe we would make a great couple and I will forgive you for all your sins and I want you to forgive me for things I've said or done wrong to you too. I wasn't perfect to use either, but you're right, we're not ready yet. We both know we love each other but we're not ready. I have a lot of self-searching to do and that I could do with friends and family. Just talk about my mom and talk about my accent. It was a joke. I didn't even love him but it was a safe zone so I took it. And there's so much more. I want to say to you. But for now and all that I do love you. I am supporting you and I'm so proud of what you're doing so that we could be a couple one day somewhere in the future. You've had it all planned out, huh? Well that makes me feel pretty darn special. So anyway, I'm talking too much. Okay. Let me let you go. How'd the rest? Anyway, I'm getting a little bit better from the pneumonia. 10:51
