Marriage can be an intimidating decision, but we have been given all we need to find the right person, the right time, and the right place for us.
This speech was given on August 1, 2000.
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"In January of 1972, after eating at a nice restaurant and attending the Osmonds in concert, I asked my wife to marry me. She said, “No.” A little over a month later, as I was walking her home from Church, she said, “Well, are you going to marry me or am I going to have to get a job?” I wisely agreed to marry her. She had, very sensibly, not accepted my invitation too quickly and been careful to make sure she had chosen the right man. She understood President Gordon B. Hinckley’s counsel: “This will be the most important decision of your life, the individual whom you marry. . . . Marry the right person in the right place at the right time” (“Life’s Obligations,” Ensign, February 1999, 2).
Where is the right place? Who is the right person? When is the right time? Fortunately, President Hinckley and others have given us inspired counsel concerning these questions, and more than 60 years of research in the social sciences adds another witness to their counsel. Although the guidance I am going to share today is primarily for unmarried individuals, much of what I say can help married couples continue to strengthen their marriages.
The Right Place
The right place is, of course, the temple. “There is no substitute for marrying in the temple,” counsels President Hinckley. “It is the only place under the heavens where marriage can be solemnized for eternity. Don’t cheat yourself. Don’t cheat your companion. Don’t shortchange your lives” (“Life’s Obligations,” 2).
The Right Person
A person committed to temple marriage must then ask: “Whom should I marry?” “How do I identify the right person for me?”
Everyone has advice for single people considering marriage. The Beatles sang: “All you need is love, love; love is all you need.” Newsstand magazines claim: “Good communication is all you really need.” Television and film media seem to shout: “Find someone who is good looking, someone who really ‘turns you on’; then you’ll be happy!”
We actually have a great deal of advice from sources a lot better than the Beatles, magazines, or television and films. The words of the Savior in the scriptures and the teachings of inspired ancient and modern prophets set us on the right path. This divine and prophetic counsel is supported by more than 60 years of social science research on premarital predictors of later marital quality and stability. First let us look at what the scriptures and General Authorities teach about spouse selection. Then let us see how the results of research on premarital phenomenon that influence later marital success can be a “second witness.”
Let me make two things clear about what is meant by “the right person.” First, movies, plays, and fiction sometimes lead us astray with the idea there is a “one and only” somewhere out there with whom we made a covenant to marry in the premortal existence. We think finding a mate is simply a matter of waiting for “some enchanted evening,” locking eyes with someone “across a crowded room,” heading off hand-in-hand to the closest temple-probably singing the rest of the score from South Pacific-and then living happily ever after. No matter how romantic this idea is, it is not supported by prophetic counsel. President Spencer W. Kimball said this:
“Soul mates” are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price. [“Marriage and Divorce,” in Speeches of the Year, 1976 (Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University, 1977), 146]
Evidently, seeking for a mate is not a matter of waiting for that “one and only” to walk by and grab you..."
4 окт 2024
