The Sex Lives Of Autistic People 

"As an autistic person you just assume that everyone doesn't like you" That hit me harder than it should have :,)

Lost my virginity at 19 to a 22 yr old female college sports team president (very strong woman) who got me wasted (age to drink is 21) at my first real party, which her team was throwing after a game. I was falling down as she dragged me to her place. The next week or so she and the male half of that same sport which I played all made fun of me. She told everyone how long I performed which was a long time because I was too drunk to finish. I woke up crammed between the side of her mattress and the wall feeling disgusting and she did not let me shower before I ran to class with my first hangover. People don't ever realize that men get raped too we just don't get to say anything about it. Hell, most men don't even consider that a rape, I got 'lucky' to be humiliated.

I'm realizing I'm autistic and perhaps my wife was too. We had a very healthy, needful, and faithful sexlife. We never became bored with each other's company. We were married 44 years prior to her illness and death. Techniques changed due to physical changes and disabilities but the intimacy, appetite, and pleasure remained.❤

As an undiagnosed female, looking back on my dating history from teens through my 20's, it's clear to me how almost every romantic relationship I was in came about from the guy being persistent on dating me, and me kind of just going along with it. After a while real "connection" was formed, yes. But I think if I were a male I wouldve hardly had romantic relationships as well.

this is closer to describing my sexuality than anything else I've found. I have never understood how anyone could be sexually attracted to a stranger, or go on a "date" with someone they hardly know. another thing is the way women will get totally naked in front of me to change into a swimsuit or something with almost no warning, no inhibition, and expect the same of me because we're both girls. in those moments I am acutely aware that I am not like most people.

I don't lack desire or romance, but I lack the social skills and confidence to find them. The biggest problem I have is the fear of social rejection because of my autism, with the additional fear of rejection that comes with approaching someone I'm attracted to. The mask gets in the way every time.

I was a programmer. I ended up working with an attractive girl and wherever we went the boss put us together because our skillset worked. One Wednesday she said that we have to get married. On the Saturday in 96 we drove from LA to Vegas and got married. We are still together.

I'm demisexual. Outside a safe, committed, healthy relationship I'm basically asexual and sex averse (not repulsed, it just seems awkward to think about doing that with anyone, including super attractive people) and my libido is way down. In a relationship that meets the above criteria, sex is one of my love languages and a super important part of bonding and caring and feeling loved and I'd be happy to do it 2X/day. It does make sense in the light of autism and how I approach relationships in general.

It can be terrifying to live in a world that is sex-centric as a demisexual person! In school around age 16 I just felt so angry at everyone for sexualizing every social interaction! Dating is also dangerous given social disability, because autistic folks of any gender are often taken advantage of! Thankfully I met my husband at 17. ❤️

Holy crap yes to the bed sharing thing. I could not sleep. I was always so conscious of moving and my movements being felt. I never went to sleep first and needed to hear that they were deep in sleep and harder to disturb before I could get comfortable. I would just not get to sleep quite often. There was more to it for me as an allosexual person than being hyper conscious of disturbing them, but it now seems like it was all connected.

Both me and my boyfriend are autistic and we’re just longing to be physically together and sleep in each other’s arms. We’re long distance and total soul mates who want to spend the rest of our lives together. When I first heard about demisexuality I instantly recognized myself there, I’ve never been into dating and just don’t understand why people would just go on dates with strangers or have sex left and right with people they met 5 minutes ago. I don’t fall in love easily, so my boyfriend is truly truly special. I’m 37 and only just realized this summer that I’m autistic. My boyfriend knew about my autism the first time we talked, so he knew before I did. It’s such a relief to be able to just be ourselves with each other, no masking needed

This video unlocked the confusing memory of being called "a heartbreaker" through grade school and even voted "Biggest Flirt" in 8th grade despite never actually really dating anybody. What I now know is my asexuality paired with autism that romantic relationships were just NEVER on my radar. A bit extroverted (or masking to be one), being jokingly flirty was my way of "appearing funny/friendly" in social settings. What I didn't realize is that some people didn't know this personality was an act, landing me in SO many confusing "breakups" where people accused me of leading them on or never asking them out. Being asexual, I was(am) so confused how anybody could be attracted to me in an emotional/sexual way. Being autistic, I had no idea how to communicate how these revelations of emotion to me always felt like a betrayal. All the more ways I have no option but to laugh at my silly, lovely brain. Edit: I am now 30 and engaged to a person I jokingly asked to marry once and didn’t realize until a week later when other people were congratulating me that I realized what I’d done. Luckily we are still together 7 years later and they appreciate all of my quirky social misunderstandings. And we do not share a bed either, because I cannot sleep near another person either.

This is what I've been looking for. So many people just ignore the topic of sex for autistic people, exactly for that reason that we're too innocent or childlike. This was wonderful and insightful. Thank you. 🌻

i can completely relate to your experiences of not being able to sleep when sharing a bed. In my head I also couldn't move or would try to move so slowly or let someone sleep on my arm even though it had gone tingly from being pinched. I am very thankful that I am not challenged to sleep in the same bed with my spouse. Thankfully even before my diagnosis he understood I struggled with it and let me sleep in my own bed. Good night sleep helps both of us be happy and healthy. Thanks for this video :)

It's possible to even go on a coffee date (granted, midmorning) with someone you just met and not realize they considered it a date. Just floating through the event chatting, wondering idly for a moment why the person is so dressed up midmorning, mystified by how weird it is because they're smiling insanely for the whole hour, they're pretending to hang on every word, laughing at pretty much everything I say that's remotely funny (and not so much), claiming I'm just fascinating (too weird, especially since they just met me, and frankly I'm not fascinating). Only a half a day later do I put all that together and realize OMG, it was supposed to be a date... in their mind.

There's absolutely NOTHING wrong (or autistic)with wanting to have an emotional connection and strong bond with someone before having sex with them. It's the way it should be!

The sleep thing I relate to so much. I basically spent 5 days awake when I went on holiday with my then boyfriend until the exhaustion overwhelmed me, then I could sleep normally. Its like I had to get through that barrier. I think it shows just how much my brain thinks it needs to be on alert and to mask around people.

I laughed so hard at the relatability of being oblivious to people liking you and someone asking you out. Check check, check. I literally have my friend tell me that someone likes me and I'm like, really?! They're like, YES! I just assume everybody hates me too, LOL. And I was asked out before and had no idea. It was my co-workers that told me that I was just asked out 🤣It wasn't like they specifically said, do you want to go out with me? So, I had no idea. They asked me for coffee or dinner and I just thought it meant as a friend, hahah. The best thing I ever discovered, was sleeping with my own comforter when sleeping in the same bed with someone. I able to sleep sooooooo much better!

This is literally my exact experience. I’m 22 and I just recently had my first girlfriend. The only reason I felt comfortable with her is because she is also autistic. The one time that we slept in the same bed, I also stayed up the entire night.

Remembering a conversation I had with a friend in high school; she was telling me that she felt sexual chemistry was nearly the most important thing in a relationship. So much so to the point that sleeping with the potential partner was step one in figuring out if it would last. It made me feel really weird because it seemed to me that there was so much more to a relationship and that to get to that point I would need to really know and trust the person before sharing my body in that way. I thought at the time is was just because I was raised in a religious household, but much later my husband said it sounded like I fit the demisexual description. Recently falling into this rabbit hole of identifying with a lot of autistic traits, my life is starting to make a lot of sense seeing as I’ve felt extremely “other” in a variety of ways for as long as I can remember.

This made my life make so much more sense. I "dated" guys in high school, but honestly, all I wanted was a best friend and I was super uncomfortable when they went beyond that threshold (consentual but probably just trying to seem "normal"). In my senior year of high schoo,l I developed a crush on one of my female friends who I ate lunch with alone everyday. It was the most real attraction I'd ever felt and also made me question everything. Now I'm a junior in college and a lesbian and am suspecting that I may be autistic and everything is starting make a lot more sense

I am deeply emotionally attached to my husband and I’m very much heterosexual, but as far as sexual activity goes, I’m an autosexual, only pleasing myself because only I can please myself. It’s sad, but I had to give up trying to have “normal” sex. My life overall is diy in so many ways, and that includes my sex life.

I missed so many opportunities growing up because most of my sweetest friends were actually into me. I had no idea. There all married now. I have dated but nothing long term. I only found out I was autistic the last 5 years. I’m 39. I think the more we understand ourselves the easier this ride gets. Whoever reads this today I hope you discover yourself and your needs this week. Blessings and hugs ❤😊 Edit. You might wanna take your top off 😂🤣😂🤣 ok we could be friends. Your hilarious. New sub

When I found that demisexuality was a thing I almost cried. I didn't have sex until I was 21 years old, with my now husband, and I had always thought I was just a prude; got picked on a lot for it by friends and partners 🙃

Sharing a bed, even with siblings on vacation has always been hellish for me. I think it is the sensory issues that cause it, because it is already hard to fall asleep by myself. But when someone else is there, there is the added factor of hearing them breathe, temperature changes, feeling them move or accidentally touching while rolling over. It is not easy, and I have always hated sleepovers because of it.

I don't know for autistic guys, but as an autistic woman, the sensory aspects were also a huge thing. Having a part of somebody else inside of you, a part that, however clean"it is smells bad, but even if you let aside the odors (also all the other body parts odors, because you smell them way more when that close and without clothes), just the fact that there's something inside you, when you already have proprioception issues and have a hard time telling where your body ends and the environment starts, it's very disturbing. There is also the aspect of touch, soft touch is very problematic for me, I do like deep pressure, but not soft touch, so it can be very problematic when trying to have a sexual relationship. The need to learn new movements when you have dyspraxia was also a huge thing. Learning a new movement takes like 1000 times for me and this needs a very patient partner... which young men tend not to be in my experience at least. So I was always fondamentally inconfortable physically, however badly I wanted to have sex with the guy. I had two long lasting relationships (8 years and 5 years). Now in my 40's I don't want to have a romantic relationship, even if I miss so much having a friend living with me and sharing life projects and so on. The sex aspect is so disturbing, that I' m no longer willing to accept it, even if I would really want a life partner.

I'm demigrey - this blend of demisexuality and grey asexuality, where for me, desire is infrequent, even when I do have an emotional bond with someone. When I'm in the mood, I'm really in the mood, but when I'm not in the mood, I'm repulsed. To a large degree, I enjoy sex as an intellectual pursuit - it is interesting to think about, to write about, to read about, but the reality is messy and icky and not for me, most of the time. There's definitely a degree of the repulsion being connected to sensory sensitivities for me. I also, generally, find activities such as mutual grooming (hair brushing), or cuddling, to be more intimate than sex - to me, that aspect of taking care of each other is more significant in pair bonding. In general, I don't enjoy physical contact with others - I am reluctant to shake hands, hug, and similar things, in public, even with people I know - they can trigger sensory overload if I am in an environment where I am already having to deal with overstimulation, and having to mask. If I am willing to snuggle, or to brush someone's hair, or to have my hair brushed, it is because I am willing to be vulnerable with that person, because I feel safe with that person.

As an introverted shy person it can be difficult also. I only lost my virginity at age 34. I'm now 38. First i felt great shame being virgin for so long. After it happened i saw it was ridiculous basing my self worth on being virgin or not.

The being on a "conventionally younger" mindset is such a relatable thing 😥

I have always felt like there is something seriously wrong with me because I need to establish deep emotional bonds with people like you said, in most areas of my life....I was made to feel like i'm not normal because people would just come and go out of my life and I was left in a heap crying not understanding why.

Undiagnosed, but fairly certain to be autistic, 26yo here. Had my first intimate/sexual relationship/experience a little over a year ago. The "sleeping" in the same bed thing really resonates. I could not for the life of me get any sleep when sharing a bed. Not just with her, but with anyone for that matter, since thinking back on it, I was never able to sleep when sharing a bed with friends or siblings either when I was young.

Demisexual, aromantic, later life awareness... Yup, this matches me. Gay too. I've had many things to explore and unpack. I'm not fully diagnosed but I've tested with multiple strongly autistic traits with further testing recommended. Likely high functioning Asperger's. This is speaking my language ❤️

Hi! Autistic panromantic ace here. Firstly thanks for doing this, it’s an area of autism not many people talk about! However it’s not true that aces don’t experience attraction or feelings, many of us experience aesthetic and/or romantic attraction and/or romantic love. Asexual just means you don’t look at people and want to have sex with them. There’s also grey aces, who experience infrequent and/or low-intensity sexual attraction. They’re also an important part of the acespec community. Hope this is constructive and doesn’t sound too critical, just wanted to clarify. There are a lot of ND folks in the acespec community 💜

I’m someone who was a teenager in the 80s, and the culture was all about find “perfect someone, get into a perfect relationship, get married, have kids and all that.” I’m learning more about myself and realizing after being hurt too many times causes a loss of trust and a loss of that emotional bond and a loss of attraction to that person. I still love my partner, but…. no desire to be intimate. I’m realizing that I’m demisexual and possibly on the spectrum. I identify with a lot of the traits my son’s girlfriend has, and she is diagnosed ASD.

One thing I have read in documentation from my Dr. is that people with ADHD and Autism can find themselves attracted to dangerous sexual situations and, I won't go into details but I can say, in my near 28 years as an active Polyamorous, Aromantic & Demisexual member of the Fetish community also my interest in BDSM is a massive part of my sexuality), I have met a lot of neurodivergence. Also never notice being chatted up. Allegedly it happens every weekend at my DJ booth.😅

the hardest part of sharing a bed is not being able to turn over... facing in isn't gonna work, facing out only works for so long, what's there to do

As a self-identified robot with an aversion to being touched, i found your video enlightening. I especially liked when you reveal that your main interests in early youth included working with/on radio. Me too. I generally don’t discuss my first experiences which were precursor activities to actual sexual acts- mostly because I know that society “frowns upon” bluntness and candid description of these things. Also, for me it was confusing and traumatic. As well, i was “ambushed” by other kids who’d set up an interaction (a surprise) between myself and someone else because they wanted to see how i reacted. It was then i began to realise THEY were confused by my lack of interest or talk of “sexual participation”. Alexithymia leaves me feeling uncomfortable , even to have recalled it.

I'm in my sixties and it has occurred to me that people of my generation were never diagnosed because there was such a lack of understanding about the autism spectrum during the time we were growing up. "Oddities" were just dealt with in whatever way possible. I'm recently widowed and with my current companion sleeping over just isn't an option. I've suspected he is on the autism spectrum for a variety of reasons. Thank you for sharing your experiences in this and other videos. (We even watched one of them together!) It helps me too understand some things about him that seem quirky. To be fair, I'm not sure I'm completely "neutotypical" either. Thanks again, so much, for your RU-vid channel! Understanding is a very good thing!

As high functioning Aspergers I always hated the idea of sleeping in the same bed as someone else. Not because I was conscious of disturbing them but because I HATED the idea of someone touching me or looking at me while I was sleeping....when I wasnt aware of it. The idea creeped me out. And not the kind of creepy I like (Spoken as a true goth).

I'm neurotypical, but I'm demisexual. I had crushes on guys since I was young but the sexual feelings did not kick in until I was in my mid-20s and I didn't give my virginity to anyone until my wedding night when I was 30 to my autistic husband. We very much enjoy sex with each other, I think that's because of our intellectual/emotional bond. As to the feeling uncomfortable sleeping next to someone, We had a king size bed and I was always like "stay on your side!!!!" when it was sleeping time!! I've loosened up a tiny bit in our 14 years of marriage but not that much. I only had one serious dating situation and I even liked them a lot and thought we might end up together or get married but I actually didn't want to kiss him. So yes, I'm most definitely demisexual. My husband has a similar story.

The moving in bed thing is so relatable. I personally can't stand the idea of breathing anywhere in the direction of another person's face. We were spooning and you flipped? I'm gonna face the wall now. I also can't sleep if someone's touching me, so I'm only going to end up using the last two feet of my side of the bed. Not too much of a problem since I work nights.

I love how you honored us being vulnerable with us, thank you so much this is helping me to understand my beautiful son so much better❤

I've just subscribed to you because of the sleeping with another person in the bed thing, lol! I just found out this year that I was autistic, and I'm 56. It's been life changing to finally know what I am, after years and years of searching and only coming up with partial answers or complete dead ends. I've known my whole life that I thought differently than others. This definitely explains my weird love life, lol! I don't like sleeping with another person either, I sweat when I sleep, and another person's radiating warmth is like sleeping in a sauna.

Very very difficult to date. Managed to stumble/be coerced into myriad casual hookups, but actually starting a long term relationship is near impossible. Since leaving my hometown for the woods I've lost all romantic feelings. Don't miss it at all. Hoping they never come back so that I can focus on drawing bugs.

I've been really struggling with the sexual side of things as a conventionally attractive male throughout my teen years and 20s. The guilt feeling you've described still plagues me with casual sexual experiences and being lustful. Also, I struggle to know when someone likes me, and I also seem to go from being generally pretty neutral to an emotional mess whenever I find myself in a relationship. At this point I just don't know what to do, and whenever I pass up romantic opportunities I feel guilty too.

Such classy coverage of this topic while staying real! Thank you!

Dating with no experience in your twenties is wild. I went from my first ever date date to losing my virginity in a few months. Usually that development takes people years. I feel bad about not being ready but this video makes me feel less insecure. My development is just different from most people and that’s okay.

I almost cried at the Demisexual part, because it reminded me so much of my own life😢

"30s are 20s." I feel this so much. 😅

I'm 61, undiagnosed,and you pretty much just told my story. But I'm not sure that everyone of us can get the patience and understanding from others that will allow us to arrive at our full potential. Neurotypical people my age have pretty much know who they are in life. So once they figured things out it's all over. I feel people who are like I am just may never figure it out before it's all over. Are there any studies among the elderly who have not been diagnosed? It's bad enough getting old, with health problems, and sudden onset of inabilities.you get disregarded,humored and viewed as less than human. Add that with the fact that you are autistic and embarking on the breakdown of your body and brain which is all a new experience with out structure is very frightening . And way often your completely alone. I even lost my home of 18 yrs. I was on the street. Oh I wish I could tell you my story.theres just so much.

I thought I was the only weirdo that for some reason get froze and feel like I couldn't or shouldn't move while sleeping next to my partner as a younger person. I never understood it and still don't. But ya this 4 months since I've been diagnosed has been the best learning experience and thank you for all the great and funny content it really truly is helping the world

Yip! Lying awake frozen and not able to move and unable to sleep besides my (mildly) snoring partners. Thanks, I feel massively less weird now. Thank you so much for being so open about that.

I am so, so elated that I have found you. I knew zero about autism and if I hadn't met my boyfriend, I would still know zero. I knew he was different but had no idea of how different. Autistic people are charming. I love their innocence. I love that they are different. I love the fact that I am on a fabulous journey. xx

I only got through half and the tears are streaming. I am a senior, married to an Asperger/autistic man (super intelligent had a prestigious job and not aware of his autism). I didn’t know anything about autism for the first 5 years and thought there was something wrong with me, I had previously been married for 20 yrs to an NT person so, omg, the damage and stress of this odd rejection affected my self esteem resulting in serious physical issues. 10 years later, after realizing it wasn’t his fault just his brain wiring, I am still married because I do love him yet I am so brutally lonely. I can’t even finish watching this because the grief of losing what is normal affection and touching for me is too much. Tears..please discuss how this impacts NT people. During the first few years of our courtship everything was “normal”, in fact he was great but after we got married…well, I got rid of all the sexy stuff because it didn’t matter.

great way to address and talk through all of this mate - diagnosed in last 2 months, at 48, and I absolutely associate and value your ability to sum up your experience, on my behalf. You have helped me "shortcut" through this issue and question. I appreciate your frank honest autistic personage - thankyou mate, luv it!

I am not autistic but I have friends who are so I want to understand my friends better I am Demisexual. But didn’t know there was an actual name of how I felt. Thank you for breaking this down.

My youngest daughter who is now in the late 20s has just been diagnosed with autism and borderline personality disorder personality disord She is a beautiful talented amazing woman who I taught at home because she didn't fit into school and when she was 5 her school report said that she was weird and kids were scared of her. So I have just taken a home assessment and it says that i too am autistic. I refuse to be put into a man with made box. We are special,unique, intelligent and rare. It does explain a lot to me about the way i behave and don't get accepted by the general populous. I don't care anyway as who needs that type of toxic pier pressure.? I love my own company ,space and freedom. UP WITH AUTISM, I SAY. SHAME THE REST OF THE WORLD ARE NOT STRAIGHT TALKING AND HONEST. I THINK IT WOULD MAKE A MUCH EASIER WORLD FOR EVERYBODY IF THEY ALL SPOKE AS HONESTLY AS WE DO..

I was an undiagnosed woman my whole life. I am pansexual/demisexual and aromantic as well. I learned all this stuff about 10 years ago or more.. but I am only learning now about my autism, at 44. It's been so hard for me to connect with others.. and the amount of teasing I would get from others because I didn't want to date or hook up has been the bane of my existence growing up. It feels so good to feel seen.

Omg the part about not being able to fall asleep comfortably next to someone hits sooo hard! I would feel so bad about rustling the sheets or disrupting the pressure of the bed on their side, such silly things, but it stressed me out so much! If i can fall asleep next to someone that’s definitely a big green flag for me, so I learned to take it as a sign rather than a reason for frustration!

I’m definitely Demi sexual I have turned down so many advances of women throughout my life over and over and always felt uncomfortable when people came onto me, my friends would say why not? If an attractive woman came onto me but I would try explain I needed a person to be attractive as a person inside. I’d try be like everyone when was younger but it didn’t feel right for me, I didn’t like it casually either I felt uncomfortable too I remember feeling weird for needing a strong bond and when I’d try be different I wouldn’t like it so I stopped trying that way. I’ve always cared so deeply about people pleasing and how the other person feels, the idea of sleeping with hundred people never interested me like the guys I knew,I just always wanted to find someone I could be close to and feel accepted by and share my life with them, luckily I did ❤

Thank you for sharing! That part about the decade-delay really hit home for me.

I hate sharing a room with people or not sleeping in my room, I find it nearly impossible to rest. I've tried sleeping pills and alcohol (sometimes effective, but not recommended!), but now use earplugs and brown/storm noise. I still can't sleep properly in an unfamiliar room without alcohol and my background noise, and haven't had to share a bed with a partner in years due to being chronically single, but I always recommend brown noise for generally troubled sleep because it does help me quite a bit and can muffle another person's/ambient noise :)

Yes. Im demisexual and autistic. The emotional bond is so important and once it exists im super attracted to the person.

OH MY GOD!!You just explained my whole teen/20s experience mentally wise! Practical wise, more happened - but emotionally, maturity and behavioural wise this was spot on!!

OMG. You answered a question I’ve wondered my entire life. I’ve never once picked up on a sign someone was interested in me. It’s the worst feeling. I sit dumbfounded over it and wonder why don’t I see this. Feel a lot better now. Thanks for this video.

OMG. The sleeping thing. Thanks so much for this video @Orion Kelly - That Autistic Guy ! This was, just now, the first time I've EVER come across information about this kind of sleeping problem, and I'm in my 30s, suffering from it my entire life! I've realized I'm autistic just recently, too. Never knew what all this was about before, just assumed it was neuroses. The sleeping thing stretches to anyone for me - like, any other person in the same room, not just a partner in the same bed, however close we might be. So I have trouble explaining to doctors why I'm so against a hospital stay, for instance (won't be able to sleep with other people about). The sleeping thing with partners saw me almost to my 30s, and I had begun wondering if I'd ever be in a long-term relationship with this issue. But then I met someone who I was immediately able to completely relax around. After that first good night's sleep together I knew I'd better marry them! Haha. Although that turned out great, I do sometimes reflect on how weird and unfair all this is. No one properly screening autistics. No one really explaining about relationships. The person who even cares about your comfort when your requirements seem a little unconventional is extremely rare. Like, I've had partners DEMAND to sleep in the same bed when I was able to figure out that's what made me uncomfortable and requested a different set up. 🤷🏻

Thank you for being willing to tackle this subject. Education is so important.

The struggle of having someone sleep in the same bed with you is real. And feeling frozen/paralyzed about moving in bed too, I think for me bc I don't want to wake them up. Explains a lot for me.

This is a perfect share. I also like how you demonstrate eye blinking as energy brushing/stimming for positivite momentum.

I just wanna say I really appreciate how much work you put into this. It makes such a difference ❤

Thank you sooooo much for this channel. I don't know why the algorithm suggested this kind of material and your channel in particular BUT I am really thankful it did. I have had interpersonal relationship difficulties my whole life. My inability to "regulate" myself has really been a challenging and has truly held me back from accomplishing things that would have otherwise been easy. Most recently I have found myself struggling in social situations that I don't think (operative word) should be difficult. So much of what you said in this video resonated with me that I'm relieved. Adapting to a possible illness feels so much easier to deal with than just feeling confused as to why people react to me in the ways you have described in your other videos or being confused about the feelings you described in this one. I still have to do the work to have a better life but now I know that I have examples of other people dealing with what I've dealt with. Thank you so much. I am truly grateful.

I truly enjoyed this video. I recently was diagnosed with autism (almost 40). I understood so much of what you were speaking of. Someone who dealt with sexual abuse, i was also intrigued by people and behavior especially as i became older. You can learn so much about a person sexually and being demisexual it can sometimes create a deeper bond or ruin it. I dont mean just "bad" sex but their mind as well, and that makes sharing a personal space such as your bed so much easier if the bond becomes deeper, you will find comfort and not feel you're crawling out of your alien skin.

I watched your video about how to spot an autistic adult yesterday and have been binging your content since. The more I watch, the more I think I'm on the spectrum. Just so many instances where I go "yup, relate to that". And here again: Late bloomer, oblivious to advances from interested people, and the sleeping in the same bed thing: absolutely! took me at least half a year for that to work out. Ugh, I really need to go out and try to get diagnosed. I think that would help me a lot, especially sharing that with my family and closest friends.

Yeah…. This is me. 110% me. This hurt in so many ways but also gave me such a massive sense of relief. I feel like I can explain so much of my relationships and how I approach and treat people. Demisexuality as you have described it seems to fit me completely. I really only tend to let people in when they have actually seen how I am and aren’t just running away from me. I really do tend to assume that people just straight up don’t like and just tolerate me. So this really explains how I approach and act during relationships and friendships. And the idea of everything just being “late” is so accurate. I genuinely feel like I’m 5-10 years behind my peers. And yeah for sure, I’m 28 and I STILL don’t like dating. 😅 Though I would say that dating and relationships feel much too much like something others want for me, rather than something I actually want for myself. And I tend to get really frustrated with friends trying to “set me up” but they don’t realise that they’re not being helpful. I have a couple friends who I have had “dating” experiences with (but nothing sexual) we just do things that arguably friends would do but we happen to be of opposite genders and we joke about being “on a date.” We’re both probably autistic, not gonna lie.

This is a very generous, kind, helpful video. Thank you, Orion! You make a lot of people feel less alone and that is really important work in our world today. I love your authenticity and your big heart.

Thanks Orion for being so forthright with your experiences. It really helps us understand each other so much better!

Thank you for this vulnerable, inclusive, and thoughtful video that is clearly motivated by love and acceptance.

I like what you said about friends. So true, the friends drop away..even my family. I am a very sexual person. Its a language I can speak. But only with a strong connection, demisexual. I had never heard that term before. Thank you Orion. Another great video

Just discovered I’m demisexual from your video! I never even second guessed why I only can be intimate with someone I fully trust and have an emotional connection with.

New subscriber! Thank you so much for this! I am a 72 grandmother to my almost 17 year old grandson who I adore! He lives with his single dad and I help out daily in their lives. My grandson is moderately autistic..in 11th grade, doing as well as he can. When he is interested in something, he does FANTASTIC but if he is not interested, he barely passes but still has a good attitude. He is very innocent and sweet..has only one friend outside of school..a neighbor girl who is 4 years younger. They get along wonderfully..never ever a problem..very innocent in watching RU-vid videos and characters. I just want the best for him and give him his space 💕

Thank you Orion. I can so relate to not being able to sleep next to someone else. I felt it for years, this frozen feeling and crazy mind-trains... Something about being with another body and completely unable to let go. I am grateful for your honesty and sharing.

Thank you for discussing those taboo topics. Very informative! 💖

This was not just informative, but also a relief. I've honestly watched and read a lot of accounts on this topic and most of them seemed either extremely abridged (as if the presenter was afraid to be too honest) or over-simplified to the point of complicating things more! Thank you for the descriptions and for sharing your knowledge as well as personal experience! I definitely relate to very much of this!

I just wanted to thank you for making this, (& ALL of this series, really) video. It's such an award topic for so many people, I should think- regardless of typical/atypical status.

To have understood my own nature well enough to have been able to describe myself as panromantic and demisexual some time ago, has been a huge relief for me, because it made me realize I belong to a category of people, instead of having this unique, obscure preference nobody can relate with, which then would be my duty to explain every single time someone uses a sexual reference to elicit a response (usually intended as humor). While I get the point, my response is usually not very enthusiastic, unless I fake it to "fit in". I so get what you mean when you are trying to describe this hormonal, animalistic response we would still have, and how it's different from a response dominated by an emotional bond. The relevant segments of this video have been the most accurate descriptions of my preferences yet!

Demi-sexual resonates with me; but, sapiosexual does too. I am attracted to intelligence. I tend to bond with people to whom I can relate and have an intelligent conversation. So, maybe it is a combination of both. In my young life, my perception was that I had a strong bond with someone that I had sex with; consequently, it would be very painful when they revealed that they did not feel the same about me. I don't know if this is true for other Autistic adults; but, I seem to feel orgasm more intensely than my partners, as well. I also related to being awake all night and "frozen". New, unfamiliar, sounds, smells, movements, and temperature changes wake me up. And, don't get me started on snoring! A lot of times the other person sleeps hot, and I sleep cold; so, that will keep me awake. I wonder if it is common for Autistic couples to sleep in separate rooms. Sounds strange, but for me, pretty practical.

Everything you've spoken about makes perfect sense and explains the experiences I had growing up and as an adult. I related to so much there it is making me wonder about myself even more. Watched a lot of your videos and others who speak about Autism and it explains so much that I was aware was atypical about me and knowing that while not usual for neuro typical folks is actually common or more usual for autistic people. Thanks for the insight it has helped a lot.

Thank you for this.. it helped me understand myself a lot better. I have been told I am wrong for pretty much everything I do. And being told to change rather than others trying to understand me.

Not only do I sleep heavily, I move around a lot. When I share a bed, I feel immobile. I just lay there, worrying that when I fall asleep, I will not only wake my partner, I might unintentionally hurt her. I will stay at the very edge of the bed until I finally drift off to sleep.

It must be a complicated and daunting thing to properly and accurately discern & navigate the ever-so-subtle nuances of neuro-needs vs personal space / relationship dynamic needs, and their respective overlapping areas! I think the more people openly investigate, explore and discuss these topics, the better it will be for everyone. Bravo! Well done.

how much i wish i had as a kid found something like your explanations and experiences... thank you for doing that now, you are literally saving people's lives with this. i am not exaggerating, i do mean it 100%.

I relate a lot to your experience and journey ! The decade delay particularly resonates with me, not just on sexuality but socially and the experience with society in general

I was often aware of people being (to use a general term) romantically interested in me (or at least I often thought they probably were, and I'm still pretty certain I'm correct for some of those), and I was simultaneously mildly obsessed for a while (from about 7th grade to about 2~3 years after I graduated high school) with deciding who I liked or loved, with a couple people I barely knew and who were probably NOT interested in me becoming my main "crushes" for superficial reasons. However, I pretty much never did anything about it. I felt it was best to willfully avoid doing much or acknowledging others apparent advances too clearly until I made a decision of what to do about it, which I never did. In high school, the main issue I consciously THOUGHT about was just that dating seemed too awkward, and I didn't even know where to start, and my couple of very weak attempts went nowhere. For the first couple years after high school, I still worried about that same awkwardness (including with one of those two "crushes" I suspected made no sense, but also bothered me for years afterwards because something bad apparently happened to her and I did nothing because I wasn't actually close to her so it would seem inappropriate), but I was more concerned with deciding between different people I liked, with the acknowledgement that I actually liked doing non-social things a lot (which I might have to do less of), that I was so busy I didn't really have a lot of time to think about or do these things, and the fear that I would lose control of my life or else take control of their life away from my partner if I entered into a long-term relationship. That last phrase - "long-term relationship" - might actually be the most important point, which I forgot to mention until now. Long before puberty, I made a commitment to honesty, which I think might have combined with a natural autistic difficulty in ignoring reality, and I made a stronger theoretical commitment to openness with future spouses or even romantic partners before marriage. I was smart enough to know that most relationships didn't last forever, but I got the impression, probably unduly influenced by fiction and song lyrics, that one would be expected to act like the relationship would last forever and that one loved the other more than onesself (which, for a while, I thought should be implied by the word "love" in any romantic context, although it also reminded me of the common message societies tend to give us that we should be selfless in all contexts, which create the opposite confusion, by implying I should love everyone). Even though I was aware these feelings probably generally need time to develop, I imagined I would have to say these things to someone I was dating or else admit we were going to break up and the relationship wasn't serious. I couldn't say those things without being serious, and that made dating, and certainly marriage, feel almost like suicide, since it would mean committing to be willing to die for someone. (I already had to worry about whether I would die for my family members or for other people in general, but I didn't want to add to this.) This of course, in practical terms, would extend much further into much more common, but also much more comfortable, things than death. I think there's something very autistic about my inability to get past these abstract ideas, even if I expect that they would be viewed as silly by a lot of people - like I was held back because I couldn't stoop to what I imagined to be most other people's level, and ignore them, or to so quickly irrationally* have strong enough feelings and enough bravery to get past them honestly. *That's not really a negative term, as, by virtue or the "is-ought problem", personal goals/values/morals are not something that can be arrived at logically from obvservations or any other beliefs about the world, only from pre-existing goals/values/morals. Thus, if I'm supposing love of someone to just appear as a new ethical principle, then, by irrational, I can't rationally really mean anti-rational (i.e. provably wrong by logic), but rather just non-rational, or beyond rationality. Later on, I just sort of started worrying about it less and less, and accepting that I don't really care that much about love, per se, right now, and even if I do eventually care about it, it makes sense for me to worry about other things for a few years, and that's fine, just as it's fine for me to me to decide later whether I will ever date or have sex or get married or whatever. That's the way of saying it that makes it sound mature anyway, but it's possible I'm regressing or becoming depressed somehow.

I think I was similar growing up, because I would crush on guys super easy, and develop an emotional connection (usually) to them pretty easily, I found it difficult to be 'real' with them. When I would sleep with them or even kiss, I'd feel like I'm playing a television character to get through the relationship. It just wouldn't feel quite right. It makes a lot of sense looking back, at how guys would break things off with me bcuz they thought I wasn't interested or that I had something going on in my personal life that they didn't know about

This has been very helpful. Thank you. And I really appreciate your mission of bringing a greater awareness and acceptance to the world of us spectrum folks . 😊

Thanx for talking about a difficult but important subject. Now I understand why I could never go through with one night stands and other casual encounters.

Thanks for linking autism and demisexuality!

Thanks man, I really appreciate you doing this

You deliver such helpful information. I appreciate you having this channel and sharing your knowledge.

Love this! Thank you so much. It is helping me immensely to understand two important people in my life xxx