The Three Levels of Covert Narcissism - Hypersensitive Introvert, Scapegoater and Avenger 

Ive been witnessing this lately...it is mind boggling... Oscar worthy i realize

Let them rot. Move on up

Yes! He acts the quiet, brooding, boring Lump of a guy, around me...but as soon as his phone rings (a lot) He is on the set, B S'ing, laughing, telling stories, comes alive! The only way i learn anything going on with him is listening to his conversations with others? It really hurts.

Yep. That is certainly volitional behaviour. You nailed it!😊

@@jamiejones273 I've witnessed this first hand, I couldn't understand it at the time but is clear as day now.

Did you manage to change?

Good!

You might just be a hypersensitive introvert, but not specifically a narcissist. Not every hypersensitive introvert is also a narcissist. What makes a narcissist a narcissist is absence of empathy. They don't feel or almost don't feel other people's feelings.

@@MichaelVHart How can you test their empathy level? Do you have to tell them a sad story and judge for their response?

Hey Julie, I admire your courage. How is the change coming along. I would think it would be incredibly challenging. What obstacles have you encountered along this quest?

Wow! Incredible! Would he had apologized if he had not been on his deathbed?

@@boogieuggie7865 No, he wouldn't have. My husband lost all his physical abilities including walking and using his hands so there was no longer any place for posturing. I think the dying experience forced him to need closure on his experiences in the world and to need his own understanding and my own. He and I both walked in the shadow of death together and both of us searched our broken souls and made an important peace between us. It was healing for our children, too.

That’s very sad

That's so sad, but wow, that's great that he apologized and realized his struggle.

It takes a deathbed for a narc to wake up unfortunately but it's important for the survivors..better late than never

Surgicaltoolbox RN Health Beauty You are so spot on !! Anger is their everlasting trait that can be spewed out at any moment

I know a person like that. Drop a pen on the floor and swear like a sailor. And itz always got to be someones fault. Things that have no person's cause must have someone at fault. And its always others. Wearied if it. Recuperating at ones house for 3 mos. Known 8 yrs. Knew person was toxic. Manipulative. Not in touch w self at all (at 76 yo). Some of what your saying I was thinking about last week. Saw hiw he kept himself portrayed as a victim of terrible tragedy. Never let ppl forget. Up close see that he is now a martyr even in creating his own life circumstances. Little ways. I knew really wierd person. I don't have ability to help this person. After the yrs and home rebab with, see i was right,, no one can.

Is it unwarranted? Everyone is innocent No one can help who they are

@@69birdboy You no have clue. So don’t comment.

@@surgicaltoolboxrnhealthbea3292 thank you, indeed that's was obviously a manchild you responded to.

Jason Duckworth I hope that you find healing. It takes time but things will get better.

yes i am now....but when you first learn about this it can be a bit overwhelming....it depends whats happened in your life. some are worse than others i suppose. But im fine now....at least it all makes sense now. ;)

did you break contact with the parent? i dont know how to deal with it, it feels so complicated.

m86 - Hi, yes I broke contact with my narcissistic mother. I had to save myself. I've seen her for approximately 6 months in 20 years. She mentally and physically abuses me (or tries to). You will come to a point in your life when you realise you can't change people. Even with all the love you have for them. No contact isn't easy but it gets easier over time.

a woman who only abused you does not even deserve to be called mother! you owe her absolutely nothing, she deserves to be hated for what she has done to you. cut the connection with her completely and live your own life!

Can two narcassists find love?

Can't be free just yet got some work left to do

Graceful Survivor and still working on myself.

although sometimes it is.

yes, I can agree. And it is a shock to realize that your own parent is set on destroying you. My mother got me to move back in with her telling me she would do some babysitting so i could get back into my job, but once i had moved in none of this happened. Instead she wanted me as her slave. She would deliberately wake me and the kids up several times at night by banging doors so i would be exhausted and would be more likely to fall for the gaslighting the next day. I was so exhausted that I could hardly function. I lost years to her manipulation and am now trying to get back on top and also trying to forgive myself for being so stupid to fall for this.

You are not a covert narcissist. Narcissist will never admit their faults.

wheelstandr I’m so sorry for you! I don’t understand how a parent can do this! And to their own children

Wow killing yourself is never the answer I'm so sorry you are going through this,I'm taking to your story because my husband is a Covert Narassitic level 3 & we have a son together & Lord my heart goes out to you I'm so scared for my son to be around his father in fear of he may snap on my son Jesus I'm will not be alone with him anymore & he doesn't like it...I don't know what to do Jesus help me😪💔

I can relate so much. The hardest thing with knowing the Truth is looking back at all the time lost and admiting that it will never be yours again. But this knowledge gives me hope for the future I still have in front of me. I'm in the early stage of restructuring myself to keep all the toxic people out of my life, but I will heal, I will be free. Wish you strength and dedication on your path.

Monique Lagnerius good luck! I am jealous of your situation and courage!!!

Keep running. I went back. After 8 months. Against all odds I believed his "I am changed man" story. Sincere, an accident, thinking. Here I am, cheated on again. Him begging to come back. Yes I am naive. Level two comes only after a while.

Did too...too bad our lack of awareness and weak boundaries let these a$$holes in our lives that some women marry like myself 14 months no contact and almost 4 months divorced still stalking and harrassing me and breaking into my home...

🏃‍♂️lol

Oddly enough, the day this video was published was the day I discovered I was with a narcissist. I didn't know what it was for about 2 months.

My God, is that true. The "normalization" in one's life. No one could believe what we put up with for so long. In fact, it shames me to describe it!

Being a new subscriber, I hadn't yet watched the video you mentioned (5 Destructive Fantasies Empaths Have...), so I went and found it, thank you! Here it is for anyone else who is interested, is working on this or has been thru it: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-uNY3Xu0dAC0.html

Normalization what a great explanation, I was raised by a Narc Mom and by the time I was born my Dad was so scapegoated the whole family dynamic was well on its way of being a dysfunctional mess.. as an adult I still remained in the normalization and one day my mental health began to crack.. and then I woke up and began to see the sickness we were all swimming in.. Praise God for that grace to get help.. Life is better everyday.. I no longer swim in the water of normalization!

We do. I thank friends for questioning me very strongly. Without them, I would not have escaped! As long as we do not isolate, there is hope. But I think we all have to take responsibility. If we see it happen with someone else, we need to step in and point out how they have started to normalize unacceptable behaviour.

chorion this is what bothers me the most..... that I was duped! I am taken advantage of because of A trait of being loving and empathetic toward people...which I feel now I have been corrupted by my soon to be narc and now no longer as trusting and suspicious of men who want to get to know me....

I'm in that place now but I feel like my leaving has triggered a level three response. Did you feel that as well?

@@michellepackman1484 I know this is a two month old comment,but this is the response I got from my covert narc when she realized I was fully aware of what a vile creature she was,she became very dangerous.

@@michellepackman1484 I hear you. I love with level II and am scare to leave , because I suspect the level III will emerge before I am completely safe. Also if he harms himself this will be just as bad because it will cause suffering for children and grandchildren. Feeling trapped. Need to get out , but don know (yet?) how...thank for sharing.

Thank you!

I hope you made a successful break. By successful I mean that you did get out, went no contact and got on with a happier life . It took me months to prepare to end it and I still find myself wondering about him. Has he finally been able to keep a job? Does he have another victim? Did he decide to get help? I don't have any of these answers and never will but I AM my naturally happy self again. You deserve that and you can't fix them. Best of luck!

Just go. Dont lookback. NO CONTACT. Like jesus says they are very dangerous. Bless. If i can do it you can. Its painful but you will get there in the end. IM FREE!

@@carolkrenn5754 where in scripture does Jesus say this? I’m not sure what you’re talking about but any ammunition would help.

@@moname56 Gina I was replying to Jesusss above on his comment. Not the good lord above. X

@@moname56 He speaks many times of evil people’s behaviors like being with angry person you suffer the wrath. Things like that. deceivers, liars, etc.

Hope you no longer have to witness this.

I'm glad you've escaped. Learn everything, esp about yourself. Watch this dr's videos on empaths to learn how to not fall victim again.

They are the scariest things I've ever experienced. Just recently had one in my life; a covert narcissist. Jesus. Thought I was safe from these creatures because I was raised by an extremely rageaholic narcissistic father and had a very overt narcissistic sister. Both very obvious. Knew nothing about covert ones. SCARY PEOPLE. Well I know about them now. Feel very lucky to have escaped with my health, my home, my car and my income. They are evil personified. It's taken me quite awhile to settle my feelings back down. Mainly FEAR. Jesus...

Nanny Tucker exactly

All of these videos are for those around them.

We can finally see who the real sick person is 😀

So true. There has never been any point in trying to discuss things with the man in question.

Agree

So succinct.. accurate.

What you described here is what I am trying to avoid becoming. I have so much rage over how I was treated by him. People think I am the crazy one and he's just a good guy who ended up in a relationship with the wrong person. He once bragged about being manipulative- "controlling ten percent of a situation" so that things work out in his favor. We started as friends. He eventually admitted to having romantic feelings for me from the start, despite us both being in relationships with other people. We did not become involved with each other romantically until both relationships were over, but I realize now that he was doing things behind the scenes to manipulate me and others. He admitted to hearing me argue with my then boyfriend and thinking, "I wish I had someone who was that passionate about me". He felt entitled to me, and the relationship I was in wasn't even a good one. After being hoovered back in, I eventually ended the relationship. When I learned that he was in a new, serious relationship a month and half after we broke up, I realized the whole thing had been fake. I'm still healing, and he's moved on as if none of it ever happened.

He tried to turn my brothers and nieces and nephews against me. But it's too late in life THEY ARE ALL AWARE OF HIS ABUSE NOW. MY JESEBEL MOTHER AND GOLDEN CHILD BROTHER BACKED HIM UP. he can keep them they are dead to me just like he is 58 yrs of abuse is enough I'm done with sick people

You just described my relationship with my mother and another in my life. I feel truly "Insane" and feel like an empty shell.

​@@teddlytits okay and do not blame yourself. I was in the same place myself until all the revenge ate me up and I started screaming at my husband every day crying how unjust this was. Then I calmed down and realized much later that some lessons in life are meant to be hard. It doesn't matter whether you were sweeter back then, the thing is this experience is gonna change you ina good way and help you understand that you cannot throw pearls at swine. Your goodness is a gift and to be spent carefully and precociously. We live in a world now thats highly dysfunctional and we need to recognize that dark human behavior is one of many things. Just stop being around. I highly recommend wu wei wisdom for you. That channel literally changed my life. Those people are in far worse states of being than you could ever imagine which makes them go out and behave this way okay. So the best thing after resentment and bitterness is to let them go and accept what happened.

Very good! Thanks for sharing!!

Awesome comment. I can relate to waking up to grow out of my self pitying victim mentality through the encounter with a malignant vengeful narc (who plays the victim). Self reflection is crucial. Something narcs are incapable of. XX♡

Bingo...That first rung of covert narcissism casts a wide net! Such an insightful post.

9

Excellent comment. You summed up exactly where I am right now. Thank you so much

Thanks Richard for your support. Appreciate the work you do and continue to do. All the best with your new channel for blokes!

Fucking hell mate. Thank you both for the great work you do. May the world be ridden of the narc species scum.

RICHARD GRANNON SPARTANLIFECOACH Haha I was just thinking of your work Richard! I thought of sending you Abdul's descriptions just yesterday. So cool you're seeing this.

Thank you both for all you put into this!

@@littlestbroccoli Amen

Schlautropf G I'll second that!

Me too!

Me 3.

I am curious where your expertise on narcissist came from. You are so spot on on every video I have watched. I didn't know what it was called when going through my experience with one that lasted 20 years but you have defined my life to the t!!!

ya maybe you should go through this, to see what it's like to be 'tired' for whole semesters

Yeah I also was like after a few years. U weren't like this when we met. .; p xd

@@jahaha7955 People change for many reasons. Psychopaths are also different from when you met them.

Thank you for taking the time to post this comment. It has not gone unnoticed.

amna omar GOOD POINT!

Feeling FeNi just create strong boundaries x

You have a conscience so not a narcissist. Don't judge yourself on this guy. Don't judge yourself, life is hard enough. If you were a narcissist you would not be watching videos about narcissists. They simply don't care how their behavior affects others. This guy is so off.

Aubrey Kendrick, Just want to add, you can change and you need to ask the one who Created us to help you. Because we are not alone in this Universe, we all have the same Creator who wants the best for us . I know how you feel to a point I felt this when I was much younger. But know we all have different experiences, but now I am older, doesn't mean I will not have struggles or realise the people around me are not healthy we learn s we go sort of speak. I just wanted to reach out to you, just because a parent is like that you do not have to be like them, you are a different individual, an it is a good sign you can reflect on yourself, that is the first step to show yourself you can change for the better. ALL the best. May ALlah help you to be the best you can be.

Do you have children? How did you get away? My husband is a CN and I can't take it anymore. To the world he is the greatest, most generous and wonderful person, but to myself and our oldest son, he is brutal. Our 2 youngest are his golden children so they love him. If I were to leave they would be devastated and probably blame me. I have always taught my children to love and respect their dad regardless and I don't talk bad about him, but I'm losing all my strength now. How do you do it?

Hidden Sonata: I just ran. I took my child and got in my car and drove away. That night I had no place to go where I wouldn't be tracked down and found so I sat in my car and told God that I'd rather be dead than go back and if we had to sleep in the car then so be it but wasn't going back. Within one minute of that conversation a name came to me. The name of a person I hardly knew. I didn't even know their telephone number. I thought I was crazy but I called someone who knew them and got their telephone number and I called them and told them that I thought God wanted me to call them. Amazingly enough they acted like it was the most normal thing in the world. I stayed with them for 3 days and then I called someone I knew that lived far away and they said they had just gotten back from vacation that morning and sure come on down. That was 27 years ago. I have a great job, I own a house, my kids ( I was carrying one when I left and the other one was 10) are grown and mentally and emotionally and physically healthy successful adults and we have a great relationship. You just have to have faith and take a leap and pray your way through the whole thing. I had restraining orders for 5 years after I left because of the threats and harresment. It was nuts but it was worth it. I saved my children. The biggest favor my spouse did for me was scream at me that they would never visit out kids and that would be my punishment. So my kids never fell under the spell of the narcissist.

Hidden Sonata I didn't have any children with this person, but I helped raise her daughter from the age of 8 (now 37 - who became one of her flying monkeys), my biological daughter, and 2 grandsons by her daughter (12 & 9) that I also helped raise since birth. I never used the term 'stepdaughter'. As a matter of fact, my biological daughter and her daughter were raised together. I work for myself, and never could understand what appeared to be her competing with me. It even many times looked as though she was trying to sabotage my business. Now I understand. Yeah, they are masters at portraying this 'pristine' image to the outside world which makes it even harder for people to understand what you're going through. It will not be an easy decision, but it's one that has to be made. These people don't get better, and they will destroy you in the process. When I made my decision to leave, I didn't know anything about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I was in the middle of the divorce, and also found out she had been cheating for quite a while with at least 1 other man. She is also a habitual liar. I was like you. After the last 'silent treatment' (Sept. 2016), I simply decided that I deserved better, and wasn't going to do that dance anymore. I took care of home, and her, in every aspect. You have to first know your worth, and refuse to take their abuse any longer. I know it's not easy, but after you've executed your exit and 'NO CONTACT', each day gets better. It is also best that you plan your exit very carefully, and don't say anything to them about it. My only mistake looking back is that I didn't plan my exit, but then again, I didn't have any small children to consider. I just knew I had to get out! It helped me tremendously to have a strong support network, and faith in God (or whatever spiritual foundation you have). Just remember, YOU CAN DO IT, and they WILL NEVER CHANGE.

Quite a lot of Asian mums are like that.

@@rejectwokeness1314 My mother isn't Asian.

@@3506Dodge I'm saying I feel you as an Asian kid. Growing up without any love and being abused is tough

@@rejectwokeness1314 i hear ya. It's pretty sad when it would feel weird to hug a family member since you never done so in your life.

@@metsrus My family never hugged. My family never touched. My parents never once told me they loved me. I never knew those words. My father "corrected" every word that came out of my mouth. He didn't do it to be mean tho, I now understand. He felt so incredibly self-deficient inside that everything was a threat to him. Even a small accomplishment by his young son. He lived on emotional autopilot. It damaged me severely. It's taken me decades to minimize its damage. But today, I am liberated. Totally liberated from those unconscious beliefs that I was worse than nothing. Today I live a life of emotional freedom. I trust myself implicitly that I will do what is mentally healthy for me. I support others now who are caught up in that quagmire. Including unfortunately a person who is as close to me as can be. Incidentally, I will be 81 next month. We grow till we die or we die till we grow.

Lance Watson, by any chance

Kwardua Vanderpuye name of a narcissist? I be thinking “is that the same narc I know?” Too 😂

I have an CN parent and sibling. Would love to hear more also!

TheNibor9 yes, I wish he would go over the child parent relationship too

yes my spouse is constantly manipulating his children...it makes me sad for them and I try to empower them as much as I can.

@Anita R. Hello can u plz explain ur behaviours in your family.. how u treat them

I was raised by both manipulative mother and aunt......They say healing takes time but the trauma seems forever......I wanna die....:-(

Has she been diagnosed or are you just assuming based on her behaviours..?

He thought he was choosing the ultimate way to punish you... How sad. I know that you understand it is not your fault, and that you have blessings from here forward!

@@astrialindah2773 You’re so right! Thank you for understanding, and for reaching out!!

@@stevearcher6100 Your analysis is quite profound. I’ve been a “victim” of covert narcissism, as well as a recovering hyper-sensitive covert narcissist myself. Both covert and overt narcissism does seem to run in my family. Only by the grace of God and a wonderful husband, have I been healed of my emotional problems, as well as strengthened to see this destructive disorder in my family and handle it wisely. It’s been a long road of self reflection, forgiveness and faith. ✝️