I set the boundaries, waited and watched. He was not only incongruent, he made excuses. Such a lack of accountability was an additional turn off. I finally told him, “we’re not a good fit” & “If I dated you, I’d feel both physically and emotionally starved”.
#1: Boundary regarding (common) intention early on (are you going towards the same direction?) #2 : Boundary regarding physical contact, especially if you get anxiously attached (holding hands, kissing on the lips too soon etc) #3 : Boundary regarding sex (make sure there is compatibility, emotional connection , exclusivity etc) #4 : Boundary of exclusivity ( do NOT become exclusive before the 3rd-4th month mark)
@@Laura7733 are you exclusive? Do you feel sure about him? Is he covering your moving cost if you're moving for him? Are you going in the same direction eg marriage? Many questions here.
Number two is huge with physical contact!!! And many women don’t have boundaries in this area or if you get entangled with a narcissist and they start love bombing you and like you said if you haven’t had contact for a long time, you have to be very careful. It’s easy to get swept away.. and quite literally being “swept away” is bad. Excellent advice thanks Bern ❤😇
This is so helpful. I am a widow of ten years now and have not had relations since 1994 due to something that happened to my husband. Explained this to a man who showed interest and we spent 3 months spending time together. He was astounded. He suddenly found another woman. It was swift and a neighbor lady who drove by, they started flirting, she teeated me with intense disrespect, they connected. The following day I discontinued contact with him. The relationship was not feeling safe with him. So it was God's protection but still an energetic blow.
You're like the Dad that my inner child needed but never had. Turning 63 in June and never been married, and not a priority. Focusing on my spiritual growth. I find that I outgrow men spiritually quickly.
Bern, it's such an amazing video. "I'm not the kind of woman that will have early physical contact." This is so consice and clear. I am very sensitive, a widow, and have an anxious attachment style, so I need to really keep myself safe. Also, such great advice to date more than one man. Why be exclusive if I'm checking them out for compatability? Many thanks.
All the things you said, I felt instinctively but didn't know the reasons why. The bit you said about a guy making you feel bad for setting boundries: happened very early on in life to me. But since I don't have much dating experience, some of this stuff is news to me. Thanks so much for putting it out there.
Excellent advice. (Wish I would have found your video long ago. It would have saved me a lot of heartbreak .)💔 Women "need" this information very early on in life. We don't get it from our parents or school. Young men and women do not understand each other. We are all out there floundering around without a manual. Thank you.💗
This was so practical. This was helpful and useful. I have those boundaries but I had no idea how vulnerable it would make me to have physical contact. It had been years since I had a romantic hug. Although I waited a month. I am too sensitive to allow too much touching. Now I understand that #2 physical contact is about me as much as it's about the other person.
Wow!! I learned SO much from this video!! I have always been affectionate and touchy-feely, but this really made me understand the importance to waiting things out instead of jumping into things gung-ho and giving it all I got! Wow! Now I really understand how important it is to protect myself. Thank you SO much!!
Your advice videos have been helpful and I find myself leaning on them for support in my search. I applied and was turned down but still, I've been grateful for the advice you make available through the videos. Thank-you, Mr. Mendez.
Thanks, Bernardo. I am a fairly open and honest woman and am not into games anyway. Your points tie in 100% with my own instincts. It is very difficult to maneuver with some men. There are plenty of women out there willing to "give it up." I want fulfillment as much as anyone, but know that a too fast "intimacy" tract is a bad bet. Men take advantage when they can, they typically require less emotional involvement, the opposite of what I Need. It hurts to get "dumped" for refusing to have sex right away, but the alternative is for me worse, i.e./ becoming attached to a man who doesn't really want what I want, even though he may profess that he does. It's good to hear you saying what I've figured out.........
Although its rarely practical to wait until marriage for sex.... its not safe for us women.... we get pregnant its a huge monetary gouge being a single mother. Im a single mom and think im pregnant from the guy i just broke off with because hes too immature to be a father... If you want a family, wait til marriage for sex
@@clarasimonis2994 not just pregnancy theres HIV, Herpies, Hep C, Human Papilloma virus. Many others from unprotected sex. Many people won't be up front about having any disease either.
Bernardo. Agree 100% Top presentation. Deep down, people actually DO know what they do or don't want . They may believe they can't or won't find it. They may worry whether or not they're "right" or "good enough" for it. However vdeep doesn't, they still DO know what they truly, really do want. The challenge, the problems, the issues, the trip wires happen, is that it takes courage, honesty and integrity to actually say and share what they truly do want. And say it up front and early on. And that's where the stumbles occur. Men as well as women. Women to men. Men to women. Regardless of gender.
Really good to hear!! Thank you for encouraging us to stick by more self-loving boundaries, even those of us who might actually just want a friend with benefits. Even then, the boundaries you recommend (perhaps modified a bit) are still GOOD! And, BTW, great use of the ASK Method!
❤️❤️ thank you! I’ve been watching your videos and majority things you say is my mentality already. I talking to a guy and he seems to be patient with me.
Soo refreshing ! I’ve been single for a decade and have kept my celibacy for 8 years now. I’ve always kept my values, morals even when I had ‘friends’ around me to break it. My self respect/worth has always been very close to my heart. This is my first interaction where I feel he’s really tuning, getting to know me but we shall see ! 💗✨ bless you for providing vids to help, I’ve been around too many girls who are so unself aware. Breaks my heart😰
What are the questions and how are we setting the boundary? I think advice is too general allot of times that’s why we’re not able to implement because we’re never given specific tools from mentors. I’ve tried implementing boundaries and was told it was too much, well hell, they told me to do it but not HOW to do it. I’ve stated i want to slow down and progress and he waited 5 months had sex and then wasted my time by ghosting. I have allot of respect and received little in the end. And still don’t understand what i did wrong
Sorry, but I disagree with the having sex before marriage because I've seen what happens after that and it is not a pretty picture. Marriage will not be in the Horizon if you do that and I have seen it time and time again where she is left in the forever girlfriend category or later dumped he did not value her enough to be his wife. Go ahead if you want to do it but this one here is not!
@@camuyana to each their own ✌️ and yes I would ABSOLUTELY tell my daughter to have sex before she’s married to see if there is sexual compatibility. You don’t know my story and how I had to live with sexual incompatibility for over a decade, so please step back. Sex is an important step to getting to know someone and its sacred. And for that to be there someone doesn’t need to be married. I respect if those are your beliefs, and a step in the right direction would be to respect mine.
It's not complicated, personally I have done self discovery and through it I have serious boundaries and high standards that have halped me alot to escape so much nonsense but you just have to be mentally strong, principled and learn to embrace solitude but value yourself and after God prioritize yourself.
Totally unexpected, feeling how the horrible itchiness eventually disappeared within 16 hours or so months was so relieving. I followed the steps I talked about, and within hours the swelling was gone. I simply go’ogled the latest by Renatta Kirmzel and it's like I hit the feel-good reset button lol.
Breaking into his mind by expertly knocking down his psychological walls and making him tingle with feelings of pleasure, means you're doing it right. There are many so called "canned phrases" to make it happen, for example go’ogling something like Celestine Dessike's Words of Desire was the perfect formula for me
PLEASE HELP ME....I wish I would have heard this video from the very beginning. I met a guy that I absolutely have fallen for and It's been a year and a We are long distance. ( one thing I did do was not allow myself to give my body to him)He's had a lot of problems, job losses etc and a whole year has passed that he has not cone back to see me. He told me he needed to get his life in order and wanted to come back and see me but he's visiting another family member in my town and would like for me to have dinner with himself, Sister and Niece. I declined. I don't know what I'm doing, but he said he wanted to see if we are all In or Not. (After not seeing me fir a full year 🤷♀️) Why doesn't he just tell me that he's all in he's known me long enough. So, I declined and told him I don't want to feel like an after thought. Then he said then you don't want to be friends. I said no I do not. Now he's reached out more and has sent me photos of his work and told me he's feeling very sick and he needs to go to hospital etc etc. I don't know if that is a way of keeping me in his life. I don't understand him all I know is, I have fallen completely for him so much. I feel that I love him and i'm hurting every day without being with him. What shall I do???
Great advice, part of having him go plain crazy and unlocking his primal impulses is a result of speaking out just the right words. Yes, where to begin? Celestine Dessike's latest (go'ogle her) takes you by the hand if you really want to cut out all the guesswork and get him going!
