1. Boundaries with sex, have standards 2. Share balanced, as he shares you share too. 3. Have strong preferences clear about what you like and want, not playing safe so that he wants you more. 4. Interdependence: you should need him a healthy bit (express it) 5. Admire him, if you admire him express it. Let him be your hero.
I so appreciate that you share kinda secrets that men hold in deep and cover up. You have shared many things that helped me relate to the man I am dating steadily 4 months. I'm a widow, he's a widower and we are in our mid 70's.......and having a wonderful time! It wouldn't be so if I had not found your videos!.... because well, I think I realize he has had a LOT MORE experience with women than I have had with men!!! My husband and I were together exclusively 55 1/2 years, since I was only 17. So when he passed, I had very little social skills of today.....hence, I have listened carefully to what you teach. It all makes such good sense! And I'm applying the principles you so graciously release to us. So, I guess you're kinda my hero! Bern knows how to tell it like it is in kind and gentle way. Thank you so much for being there for me!
Catheine you're so kind and generous with what you shared. I'm deeply sorry for your loss and grateful to hear you've opened yourself to love and are taking courageous and informed steps to be in the loving relationship you deserve to have in your second act. Many blessings to you.
@Fearlessly91, Imagine two people in a relationship are like two trees. If one tree leans too much on the other tree and can't stand up by itself, that's like dependence. One tree needs the other too much. But if both trees stand tall and strong, and their branches touch and help each other grow, that's like interdependence. Both trees are strong on their own, but they also help and support each other. So, in a romantic relationship, dependence is when one person relies too much on the other, while interdependence is when both people are strong on their own and also support each other to create something amazing that neither could have created on their own : )
@BernMendez I don't like this. The modern dating advice is toxic. We were made to depend on God and each other. We don't depend on our spouse to wipe our butt but we depend on them for emotional physical spiritual intellectual connections, and two become one. We were made to become one unit. So any "coach" who teaches independence or "interdependence" is actually lying and toxic. Sadly youtube is full of coaches who are teaching unhealthy relationship advice.... it keeps them in business. Just like big pharmacy stays in business. Keep everyone sick and dependent on them but not each other. Super sad.
He doesn't want me to need him. He wants me to be as self sufficient as possible. How can I show him I need him? Everything I ask him he say's I can do that myself. How can I solve that?
Women these days should really know what they want in a man. These women must be authentic, true to themselves. Stop playing around. Flirting should never be in the cards, just be real. Express yourself of who you really are….when you do that, all things will fall in place. If it doesn’t, let go and move on till you kiss the price!
But he got upset with me when i didnt want to have sex. He said dont do this to me! I told him i wanted to wait until marriage. He said he has a high sex drive and he doesnt want to cheat on me. So, he wasnt planning on marrying me anytime soon but he asked me to be in an exclusive relationship with him. But didnt want to wait until marriage to have sex. I asked him of I'm worth the wait, he said of course! But he said he doesnt want to cheat if i want us to wait. He said he'd be sexually frustrated.
sorry to hear that. I think it shows that you arent as compatible as you would like. His lack of care and respect for your wants and needs is a bit of a red flag. Him basically threatening you with cheating and guilting you into something is an indicator that he'd probably do it to you anyway. Your search may be hard to find someone who wants the same things as you but I have faith you will find him. Good luck and stay true to yourself.
I'm also waiting until marriage to have sex. If a guy won't attempt to wait with you, he is not the one for you. The wrong man will ALWAYS try to convince you to have sex with him before marriage.
@jennifersolga6172 ... ... Would he consider a religious marriage without the legal government sanctioned marriage license ... ... You'll have to find a Reverend who will perform one without your getting a government license ... which will mean asking around a bit as your first choice may not be willing to perform it. But there are definitely legitimately recognized church ministers who will do this. Then down the road when he's ready to have a government sanctioned wedding you can get remarried. ... Just a thought if your religious beliefs are why you are holding off on sex. ... PS ... No ... Without the government certificate, you will not receive the legal protections or benefits associated with being married ... but if your main reason for holding off is religious (as mine has been) this might be an option for the two of you. (I, for one, wouldn't get pregnant before getting a government marriage license, though).
... PS ... If he's just using this reason as a way to manipulate you into having sex and really isn't thinking of marriage as a possibility down the road ... then a religious ceremony will probably scare him off and get rid of him and you'll get to see his true feeling intentions. He may still want to wait a little while before a religious only ceremony but if the suggestion doesn't scare him off as much as a government marriage license does ... then he may be a decent guy who really has an interest in you.
I often wonder, if after you are married, if anything changes. I have a friend who, after she got married, her husband said he no longer had to “win” her because they were now married. Now he is a dick, but it makes me wonder if there are things that men need after marriage to remain connected.
I tried to set that boundary of not having sex before marriage. He didnt like it. So now we do have sex. His friends came to visit him and i wasnt invited out to meet them and hang out with them. I mentioned it but he kept putting it on his friends that, oh he doesnt know what they want to do etc. So thats somehow his reason for not inviting or letting me be there. Even though he knew i had that Saturday off. And Friday i was in the city anyway and days before he agreed that we could meet up. It didn't happen. I didn't hear from him and his car wasnt home. I mentioned it days later and he said they had supper and went back to his place. I told him his car wasnt there after 11pm and he said they were either at the hospital or out to eat. His friend apparently had an asthma attack.
You’ve got to take that L for dropping your boundaries, the next girl gets what you wanted bc they stand firm in their boundaries. (This is general, not just towards you)
I'm so sorry. But this man is playing you. I hope you find the strength to leave. He's only going to be wasting your time. It's unbelievably hard, and frustrating, but you can do this! Praying for you ❤❤❤
No real man wants a boss woman that takes over, decides everything in a relationship, and takes it upon herself to diminish him everytime she doesn't get her own way. (That's the definition of a a two year old, one who throws a tantrum everytime they don't get their own way) Too many women are like this.
