The Truth About Asperger's Syndrome - 7 - School Nightmares 

What sucks is that America's school system won't support you if you beat up a bully. If you fight that Bully, even out of self defense, you will get suspended or expelled.

I hated school I hated everything about it. I was so glad to get out of there. Thanks for the video Max

Society deserves no loyalty and will receive none from me.

When I was in school, the worst part wasn't bullying. It was babying. Well-meaning peers treated me like I was...well...disabled. I wish I could have articulated how I felt about that, but I wasn't able to find the right words. When I transferred to a provate school that specialized in people like us, I had a much easier time socially. Don't even get me started on the "special ed" program in my district. That was what caused it.

Personally I would describe school as psychological torture in a sense especially in younger years rather than older. Though everyone is different with their experiences. A lot of people say you'll miss your high school years or something along those lines however I'd say that's not really the case.

I learned more about mitochondria from Parasite Eve than school anyway.

education is great school doesnt really provide it much though

3:56 Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell

"Diversity is our strength," they said, while hating on me for being straight, white, Jewish, male, and autistic. "Learn what we want you to learn the way we want you to learn it." It's what led me to be in the shitty situation I'm in, unable to fix it.

I absolutely detested my entire school years. I feel that they were a complete waste of childhood and potential. I am thankful that I wasn't diagnosed Aspie back in the 70s/80s when I went to school as i would've been even more isolated, ostracized and bullied due to NT ignorance. Thanks for covering this topic Max. You nailed it!

school was boring. and they all hated me because I put zero effort in it and the results were decent enough most of the time.

I was singled out by parents/teachers constantly over my diagnosis and held to stricter standards than everyone else. They thought they were being helpful but it only made me more isolated and miserable

Fantastic post, Max. I felt for you as you told us about your difficult, excruciatingly awful time at school and college. We are not alone. It takes someone like yourself to talk about it and the rest of us don't feel alone. I hated school, college and teachers. I hated going to work. It's such a struggle trying to get people to understand and get it through to their thick skulls that I actually enjoy learning, enjoy reading, devouring info and love working … BUT The major problem was and still is PEOPLE, PEOPLE AND PEOPLE. ALSO, BEING FORCED INTO VARIOUS SITUATIONS I DON'T FIND COMFORTABLE AND BEING SOCIABLE! The doctor that gave me my formal ASD diagnosis understood these things. My autism-centric counsellor understands this. It took until my late 40s to get the diagnosis and people are still the problem. When you described English lessons, it was SPOT ON.

That Berenstain Bears cover just brought back the raw primal fear I used to get as a kid whenever I saw it. It terrified me because I used to get yelled at so much by my dad for bad grades that I felt genuinely bad for the son on that cover, like he was about to get yelled at like I usually did. Wow. I didn't even know that was something I had repressed.

As much as I hate being the shadow on the wall, it gave me the advantage of not being interesting enough to be picked on enough by bullies to the point of getting physical. But at the same time, being a shadow on the wall, no one ever wanted to be around me because my peers were like brain-dead flies drawn by every shiny light that gave them a false sense of warmth, only for it to zap them out of existence. Few people drew close enough to enjoy my company because shadows and darkness aren't exactly comforting or welcoming concepts. Fortunately, some people didn't care about the chill that came with being around my presence, they felt the warmth that came from me as a person; what little warmth my diffident self could provide, anyway.

I literally have a phobia of school by now

Having asbergers why is it so hard to express emotions. Its like a vavle once i drink alchahol it opens up an i can look people in the eye and my social anxiety goes away but once im sober the cycle starts all over again

School like prison, you never want to go back.

This video really helps understand not just students with Aspergers but also neurotypical students like myself. This proves our school systems need to change

This makes me glad I went to a charter school instead of a public one for most of my childhood, it was a lot smaller and there was no real bullying at all even though it was boring and awful I am thankful that I had it easier.

my god, that hit so close to home i started crying. i'm not diagnosed and i wouldn't want to self-diagnose, but for a long time now my mom suspects that i have some form of autism, but there's no way of getting a diagnose because we're on immigration right now and have hard time with the language barrier and paying for a translator seems redundant. i'm 17 right now and by far school was so big of a problem for me, that i couldn't pursue any hobbies of mine, because i was so mentally drained all the time and because of the constant stress and noise i would have severe migraines, not go to school a lot of the time and it went so far i had a case in court. i hate schooling system so much, both in my country and the one i'm living in now. no one even tries to understand why someone might be a little bit different, they basically don't allow 'different'.sometimes i would work so hard, i like pushing my limits, i like the feeling of being the best, but i would constantly be put down, because what i do is "too much", oh, it's "too good", "too complicated", "do it a little bit simpler". every fucking time i try to be better, to go through it, someone says i can't do that, because that's too much for them. how the fuck am i supposed to go there and have any motivation to pay attention to what those loose knots have to say.

"Respect your teachers. You are able to read this only because of them" That is only true because English isn't my native languages, however I did learn to read before going to school

Congratulations on finishing your courses, Max.

I recently spoke to a university student about exam fears. I said that at University level, people often think they are expected to regurgitate what others have said on the subject. I said that this is ridiculous, because professors and examiners should be looking for original thought and how the candidate would test their ideas. Wouldn't that be a great idea? Isn't that how science and all knowledge progresses? I said that the student should read only things that inspired them. Of course, if the qualification is essential for something you want to do, you will have to do the exam, but you would be better studying exam technique and applying it to your subject area. I like Max's idea of only reading sections that interest you. Any question on a literature exam can only relate to an aspect of the book, rather than the whole text, so if you know what the major themes are in the work, you may not need to read the whole work. Congratulations to Max on succeeding in spite of these difficulties!

As an autistic with PDA, school was a special kind of hell for me. I got 2-4 hours of sleep each weeknight because of the sheer dread I had of waking up to start the next day. I accumulated long lists of overdue assignments which I could not complete because I was too stressed + my PDA. I would constantly have deadlines and due dates weighing down on me, and the only thing I could do to maintain any semblance of my mental health was procrastinate. I was an absolute wreck once I finally finished high school. I used to be smart, self-motivated, but school destroyed that by boiling my brain in cortisol. Only now, so many years later have I begun to undo the damage. I battled depression and suicide until life finally gave me a break and I had a few years I could finally relax and have my own agency. Still, while I may have found my peace and my center, the battle isn't over. Society just isn't made for me, and I refuse to have myself broken again to fit within it.

About lack of motivation in a subject you actually like, that was my experience last semester on my course. My last mandatory class was macroeconomics and one of the topics was growth theory. I actually love this subject and even want to work on it in my thesis. What I absolutely hate is memorizing, and growth models can get huge, so no wonder I failed the test. I bet my butthole nobody knows every step of such a model by heart, and some of my friends even found some minor mistakes in the professor's thesis on the subject. On the other hand, we also had to present an article chosen by the professor. I dedicated a whole week on my presentation in order to make up for the test and be able to plead later, and I loved every second as the article was great. My colleagues said my presentation was the best by far.

I don't know that I have AS but I've sympathized greatly with most of what you've talked about in this series, yet school was never a problem for me. Some of the kids in school were, as part of general social troubles, but the actual educational part of school was always the only thing in life that ever made any sense to me, the one thing I could just do right without having to fret about what the hell even is the right thing to do. They tell you information, much of it interesting information, then later they ask you questions that they previously told you the answers to, and you just have to remember. What could be easier?

I'm in high school now going into year 11 and I've always found it difficult to tell if someone is sarcastic so I can't tell if someone is being rude or sincere to me especially when the people who say these things are the usual trouble makers ruining the class. I really don't like math and almost the opposite to you and reading texts love reading books but can write essays very efficiently.

School starts next Monday for me, and I’m worrying about it. School literally makes me depressed. But I know I’ll be OK. At least I no longer have to do PE.

I realized through your videos that the people at my schools that were supposed to be able to understand neuroatypical people were the ones that often made me feel the worst, and treated my "differences" as character flaws.

*Oh boy this is a long one.* I just watched your entire series about Aspeger's Syndrome. And I gotta say, it kinda describes me. Although, with time, I managed to somewhat teach myself to "limit myself" and actually feel empathy for others, something that I haven't been able to do for the majority of my life. I've also never beaten myself, but I'd wreck everything that was around me. It's less hard for me to maintain eye contact now, though it wasn't always like this. I don't like to start random chitchat, but I can put up with it if I'm brought into the conversation. I notice things like license plates and engine sounds, for example I can tell which one of my friends is driving near my house just by listening. What to my mother might seem a messy room, to me it's a perfectly organized space, because I know where everything belongs, where I put things, and whenever she "tidies up", I have to pull the vacuum or whatever away from her and I start yelling at her to fuck off and to not touch my stuff. I dropped out of high school at 17 because I couldn't put up with it, between pressure from my parents, terrible grades, dumb teachers, severe bullying, and difficulty with studying. High school brought me really close to killing myself a couple of times. I had a really hard time in the workforce. At first I was barely paid and didn't know better, then I got screwed over, remained unemployed for 6 months, then started working again with an asshole who kept referring to me as "a complete fucking failure". During these last months I worked, I'd constantly have panic attacks while driving to work, sometimes I even had to pull over before I lost control of my car due to me not being able to focus on the road and hyperventilating. Other times I'd just completely freeze while working, no idea what I'm supposed to do or how to do it. I absolutely hated answering the phone, but eventually I learned to overcome that fear. I also really liked to get to know the clients that wanted to chat with me, though I make no attempts at starting a conversation, and I give little information about me. Eventually I had to also quit this job simply because I couldn't keep on having panick attacks while driving there, and feeling miserable all the time while working. I have currently been unemployed since July 2018. Between not being able to keep a job or work with others, dropping out of high school, health problems and my parents constantly telling me to "suck it up and bring some dosh in the house because my father wants to retire", I've tumbled down into severe depression. I found my safe spaces in a couple of things. One of them by learning english, probably because I absolutely hate playing videogames or watching videos with subtitles on. I've always got the best grades of the entire class in english ever since elementary school, even though I have a weird russian-like accent (I'm not from russia btw). I've been somewhat fluently speaking and writing english since I was 9. I enjoyed talking with my english teachers because most of them weren't from my country, three of them were canadians, one was scottish, and only one was Italian, so it was just easier for us to talk in english. I find talking and writing in english to be... Simpler, and more natural to me. Speaking english is the only way I can truly express my emotions, though I'll admit I managed to express some emitions in my native language as well, happiness mainly, and affection. It is also easier for me to talk on the internet, it's like a little armour I wear so that people can't really get too close to me. Hence why I'm writing this comment. My other safe space, is my car. I can drive for hours on end, exploring, sometimes being a bit of an idiot and sliding around corners, or speeding waaaaaayy above the speed limit. I've always liked cars ever since I was a child, and I still have some old toy cars that I still cling on to. Hell I've recently started to do RC offroading too. At 18 I got my first car, a light blue Suzuki Wagon R+ 4x4 Sport. It was a piece of shit but I drove it everywhere. I even drove 8 hours to visit a friend in Germany in that rust bucket. Then I told myself that before I turned 20, I would buy a nice car. And a couple of months before my 20th birthday, I bought myself a nice BMW 320d E46 for 400 bucks and fixed it up. Then I bought another BMW, an E36 318i, and I was extremely happy to have 2 cars, though I knew the 320d had engine problems and was destined to the scrapyard, I still clinged onto it as long as I could. I eventually broke down in tears for a solid half hour when I returned home from work and saw the other car was missing, because my mother called the towtruck to bring it to the scrapyard. Even to this moment I still tear up thinking about my old car. It wasn't really the best, but I was very, VERY attached to it. Anyway, I've been taking that test linked in the description for a couple of years, including the Political Compass test, at the end of every year, just to check how I was doing, or how my I changed my mind politically. It's always been boucing between 32 and 34, but I haven't been officially diagnosed. Personally I think I'm more antisocial than autistic, perhaps I'll try to get a proper diagnose in the future. But I did notice that with time I'm getting better at this whole social thing. I actually have some friends I hang out with, I can have conversations with them, and I try to at least look interested even if what they're talking about is extremely boring. And eventually that taught me to be a good listener and give my input on issues, trying to help my friends. I still don't perform well under pressure, probably if I started working again I'd just have another shutdown and freeze in place like I used to. I'm actively trying to fix this, but it's not easy, if anything it's frustrating and it's making me hate myself even more. But I do my very best to stay positive, assuming I don't attempt suicide for the 6th time due to depression. Anyway, I haven't slept in 48 hours and I'm about to collapse, I better stop writing and get some sleep.

The feelings you had in school are so relateable. I always kept to myself on the breaks, so I haven't had to deal with other children. Classes were loud and hard to concentrate on because our teachers couldn't tame the 34 people in the room. Group work was awful because I was already exhausted after school. I merely participated, did no homework because I just wanted to recharge at home. (and got detention and bad participation grades because of that) I was usually the strange kid, sitting in the corner that doodled on her notepad and creating her own world while trying to incorporate what she tried to learn (I did drawings of historical figures while in history class). My mom told me that it was awful to do homework with me... I wish her english was good enough to understand your videos. Maybe she then sees why I struggled so much.

I remember at school, from my first week I was picked on, because in a child's early days they are learning the environment, testing their surroundings, meeting potential friends, there is bound to be enemies made. Enemies are made when there is a difference that won't change. I loved playing with this little figure of an odd cartoon guy with an exporer's suit and an odd jetpack type device, only it had a long extension with a propeller on top. I dubbed him"Dan Dan The Flying Man" after a book I was read once. I loved that toy, I only played with it, instead of all the other boys who played with a football (in America what we call football in the UK is Soccer to you guys I think) they laughed at me. At every school I went to (I moved around a lot) the bullying (due to the advancement of social situations my peers were going through) the bullying became progressively worse. I moved to a town called Mossend, Belshill in Scotland (and to this day I absolutely love that town) the school there was odd, the staff were not very welcoming. There were two very distinct incidents. Me and a friend of mine (who also had Asperger's although neither of us knew or had been diagnosed yet) were sitting outside and because we were never told about the rotation of breaks, where your year goes in, another year comes out, we sat there oblivious to this thing. I thought I heard the bell, I asked one of the dinnerladies, she said no. (That was a lie then) after 15 minutes (so in total we were not in class for 30 minutes, ourselves wondering what was going on) the janitor collected us and she said that they were about to send out a search party for us. We were taken to the deputy head's room (needless to say she lost her shit) she actually made us tell her what she wanted to hear. I remember we weren't allowed to take part in PE (thank God) after that. The second incident was during a Maths lesson. This teacher that absolutely despised me, lost it simply because my brain can't do much good in Maths (because of my Asperger's, it feels like a thousand thoughts at once) she sarcastically remarked "Am I having to spoon-feed you?" I stood there thinking the exact words "What the actual fuck?" I said no. She contorted her face, dragged me (this was in 2008, back then because of punishment laws in the past, you couldn't touch a child in any way that was aggressive) towards the blackboard, made me write down these sums (she knew I didn't understand them) and solve them in front of the whole class, she made the entire class laugh at me. I wasn't allowed to go for lunch, the bathroom. Stood there for nearly 3 hours. Things changed for both better and worse. Maths for sure got a lot better (the subject anyway) I met loads of new friends (or who I wrongly believed, genuinely liked me too) but after Primary School, it was off to High School. Obviously people you know break apart and turn into... less decent people. I loved Chemistry, but I hated the people in the class. I remember for experiments when we collected our goggles, instead of choosing the glasses type, I went for the more traditional kind. There were a number of reasons why I liked these. 1) They looked cool, probably looked more cool because I am a NIN fan and had their music videos (Closer being the obvious one) stuck in my head constantly. Needless to say I didn't think I was Trent Reznor whenever I put them on 😂 2) They seemed more comfortable. 3) I could wear my glasses with them. 4) I thought "Fuck it, why not?" There were these kids in the class, pissing themselves laughing, snickering, they made up weird stories like "I believed I was a mad Nazi Scientist," or something along those lines. It got worse and I realised, they had moulded this image of a cringeworthy, pretentious little prick whose very presense was either the cause of extreme awkwardness, or extreme hilarity. I felt like a goofy cartoon character. Every time I sat down, I would hunch over the table, trying to get as low as possible, trying to avert anyone's gaze. The awkward silences were then filled with even more awkward banter. Probably something about me. My concentration failed, everything failed, I lost confidence in every science subject (they were in every science class) I would have spoken up, would have been more interested in the topic and giving answers had I maintained my confidence. Every 30 minutes is when internally became too much and I would shut down. 30 minutes is still the maximum I can take while being in a room or hall full of over 10 people. After that I begin to feel physically sick. I couldn't give any excuse. I had to sit there. PE was hell. Due to having not so good motor coordination, not so good eye-hand coordination, or any interest in PE (due to lack of confidence in the area caused by negative past experiences) I thought running up and down a hall with a bunch of adolescent Meatheads in front of over 12 spectators was the epitome of embarrassing. It felt almost shameful and disgraceful to myself. Obviously I couldn't play for shit, but the PE teacher kept forcing me into it. The other kids kept blaming me for not putting in the effort, when really (although I sound like a snowflake SJW) I had traumatic childhood experiences with even repressed memories, hindering what I could and couldn't do. Although they kept blaming me for not being good enough and "useless and pathetic" they still kept forcing me into it. Still don't have a clue what all that was about. It seems in modern education, PE is only concerned with physical health and not mental health. They fail to realise, a healthy mind should result in a healthy body. More enthusiasm for PE and more results for not just the teachers, the other puils but myself also. Win, win, win. Luckily that changed, me and another kid were put in the girl's class (I don't really care about the stupid stigmas associated with Boys/Girls) it was enjoyable as there was a lot more acceptance, less competitiveness. I think in America when it comes to school there are a lot more interesting options. (Although I acknowledge that a lot of it is simply Hollywood nonsense) In The UK, we don't have any chess clubs, debate clubs, book clubs or any other club. We don't have vending machines, we don't have interesting lunch choices. Blue, plastic slab, sickly looking mashed potatoes, horrific mince and gravy, a cake and a bottle of flavoured water. The manners of the pupils are disgusting, because there is a road year by, the first years scream at cars, people constantly bitch at each other. It's chaos constantly. I used to sit up on a hill at the graveyard. I thought the church looked cool (I like stuff like that, especially when it's a rainy day as I can't stand sunny days), however behind the church, lurked students who just smoked weed. it's boring too, there isn't any person that is remotely interesting there, besides at least two. (One of which also has Asperger's) In America there seems to be a lot more diversity and actual interest in different subcultures, or ANYTHING in general. When I left school I went to College to take part in "The Princes Trust" which helped me tremendously. The college was a cool place to. Much closer to a Hollywood high school than a Scottish dumping ground. In School there is a stupid stigma around intelligence (I read philosophy, anatomy. Different kinds of science facts, obsessed with history and Psychology) that if you get good marks/grades you are intelligent. To me, when you are more intelligent you aren't doing it for grades, it is about the knowledge itself and you also become more empathic, more understanding and tolerable towards others. From those considered "intelligent" at the schools I was in, were no doubt, incredibly shallow, prone to Groupthink, very pretentious and reeked of Arrogance. I am glad to have Aspergers as it has given me an advantage. (Though there are disadvantages) Honestly, the only thing getting me through school, was a few friends, listening to Gary Numan everyday (who is my hero and also has Asperger's) to give me someone to relate to and just going for walks somewhere else every lunch break. I'd say that after school is (hopefully) when things begin to look up :)

With AS, I find there are symptoms I don't have, namely sensitivity to noises (except startling or deafening volumes), and not wanting to be touched. As a toddler, when I started developing symptoms for the latter, my parents would give me full body messages until I liked them, and today I consider myself a hugger. Also, I want to hear how others with AS deal with sexual desires, due to the act inherently involving physical contact, which most of them hate.

"I threw the book across the room, screamed my lungs out, and looked for something I could guiltlessly break" So me! 😂🤦🏻‍♀️

In the Army there is a term used for manditory classes called "death by powerpoint". If you are military minded, it's not too bad, as you usually are being taught something that is almost immediately applicable to your MOS (method of service, or our job within the army), but in school the term applies itself to the extreme. Not only do you not have a choice in learning this, you also never had a choice to be in the situation that required teaching this, and there's nothing applicable in most of these lessons to something you need to do anytime soon. Add to that the fact that instead of the class being at most an hour or two, it is instead about 6-7 hours, with breaks of maybe 3 1/2 to 4 minutes where literally *all your movement is about 30 feet* , and you have extreme levels of wanting to explode. You never want to pay attention to the class, as you have other things you want to do, and you can't stop literally *vibrating* as you feel the need to do *something* that occupies even a fraction of your attention.

For some reason RU-vid recommended this series of videos so I watched it all and I just have to write a comment even though I'm a little late. Honestly, as someone with Asperger's as well I am simply shocked by how unrelatable your experiences are. A couple points you mentioned are definitely accurate, in particular stuff about eye contact and social awkwardness, but there are so many things that I simply can't understand, which is something that really frustrates me. For starters, I've never had any meltdown or anything like that other than occasional anger outbursts which really don't last long and happen rather infrequently. I honestly don't understand why many autists keep mentioning it because I simply don't have that stuff. I don't get the whole bursting in tears and starting to cry thing either, hell, when was the last time I actually cried? I don't even remember. I guess I do feel deep sadness a few times a year? Honestly I'm sure normies (what I call neurotypicals) probably experience this stuff more than I do, and I have very strong Asperger's. When you keep talking about jobs and relationships I also can't comprehend how you can experience not being able to stay at a job for more than a few months, of girlfriends rejecting you because you're weird. Like, wait what? How do you even manage to get into any social contact whatsoever? How can you start playing music in a band all of a sudden? How can you just meet girls and have gone far enough into a relationship to judge how good it was? I have literally zero friends (friends by circumstances and online acquaintances do not count), I have never spoken to a woman other than someone from my family for more than 10 seconds, I've never even gone to a job interview or even successfully giving my resume to someone (minus like one time?), so where do you even get these experiences from? I don't trust people to befriend them, I find almost all females repulsive both physically and psychologically, and I strongly believe that no normies' job will make me feel satisfied. I've already given up playing by the rules and I've decided to go along with the flow of things and figure out a way to make enough money to survive with as little human interaction as possible (something I'm experimenting with right now). Trying to do things conventionally will always leave me with a shitty life; no job out there will be worth waking up at 5 AM, wearing shitty clothing, shaving, working in an office for 8 hours a day, and dealing with social contact, all things that are more or less the norm. And I'm not about to try and fit into some dumb social circle to find some conventionally attractive brainless gal who's going to manipulate me, rather a much safer solution is just to wait and see if I get to meet someone worthy to be a partner one day. Worst case scenario I always have cats, which always help me feel less lonely. You also seem to greatly undermine the problems of school, instead just focusing on the bullies or how boring and tedious class is. I used to be the absolute perfect target for bullying, an innocent kiddo who is weird, easily manipulable, who thinks everything others say is the truth, and so on. Yet I was literally never bullied, neither in elementary nor high school (I'm in Quebec so no middle school here). Maybe the worst experiences are the times someone kept singing the alphabet song to me because I was so sensitive to that stuff, or that one time some gals came up to me, asked something weird, chuckled, and left. Quite frankly these events are almost nostalgic, looking back. So what's the deal with everyone boasting about how much they've been bullied and abused their whole school life? No, the real problem is the teachers (and other staff) and I, quite frankly, am disappointed that nobody points this out. In elementary the staff are literal bullies, they're so abusive, manipulative, and act so disgusting that I can't even express how bad it was. During that time since I was considered to be, by the school system, not dumb enough to go to the special class, but dumb enough to require additional help, which came in the form of an "accompanist", who always forced me to follow every small rule, and as a result I couldn't simply ignore a detail and let it be unnoticed. I remember two specific events the most: the first was in 3rd grade (my first "real" grade, too complicated to explain all the details), when I was at the library "class", I never liked books so nothing was interesting me yet I had to just take one. There was only one specific thing that interested me and when the closest thing to it was brought to me and I (obviously) refused, the accompanist yelled at me and forced me to take it. Another event was in 6th grade (last before high school), where we had to draw a caricature of ourselves to put on our lockers, and the accompanist was overly upset that I didn't want to draw ears. Like what the fuck let me draw what I want! Speaking of lockers, I immediately got reminded of another massive problem at elementary school that nobody brought up, maybe just because it's not a thing in the US/rest of Canada but who knows. EVERY recess we had to go outside. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. Well, almost. If it's -25 degrees and there's a snow storm, you better put those boots, snow pants and coat on, leave for 5 minutes then come back to class. But god forbid a drizzle in beautiful sunny +25C summer, you better stay in and play some boring ass board games in the hallway with no place to sit in. Of course for me this is a massive fucking issue since I am extremely sensitive to cold weather, and what ultimately lead to a rather bizarre problem that I don't have the time to talk about here, not to mention the fact that it took me so long to put all this cold weather shit on me that by the time I was done the bell rang and I had to put everything back. Lose-lose either way. Now continuing the trend of long paragraphs, let's go into high school. When I was finishing my 6th grade, everything I heard about HS sounded positive, and how it could only get better. And you know what, I was right! In the short term, that is. I'll get to that a little later, but first I have to mention multiple things that are extremely important. Like I said, I wasn't bullied there either, and with a moderately more mature place the teachers didn't need to be bullies to hide their worthlessness. That being said they're not particularly better, while the annoying accompanist was gone I was still regularly harassed by the school psychologist and helper and whatever. Admittedly I actually didn't mind it since I had a lot of emotions that I needed to throw away, but it was hardly any help anyway. The real issue was that everyone acted with me in a overly polite and calm tone, almost as if they're afraid of me. However, whenever I saw those same exact people talking to anybody else, they were rude and aggressive. Of course with puberty things became complicated since that is when my psychological state changed and the social problems I've stated above started becoming a concern, or a then present-time problem. All the problems with school that everybody agrees on began piling up on me, and I started becoming more and more anxious and lazy, and as a result I fell into genuine clinical depression. It was then my parents noticed something was unreasonably wrong and I got out of school under the homeschooling excuse. It never worked out though and I dropped out right after my 16th birthday (dropout age here). So what am I going with this? Well, I recovered from this but the depression never disappeared and I decided to suppress it as I figured out that thinking too hard about it will hurt myself even more. My point with the last two paragraphs is that the problems we both face at school are completely different, you as well as many other autists claim that it's just an annoyance that you eventually get out of but in my case it was such a big problem that I was dealing with legit psychological damage that people rarely experience. In any case, I've decided that going to college or university is a horrible waste of time, money, and sanity, and that it's not going to pay off. Instead, I've been going to an adult school to finish my high school since I'm bored as shit and I might as well get some education out of it. And honestly? It's not even that bad. (read reply for my conclusion, apparently the comment is too long)

how you described assingments/lectures in school just felt like steping back in time: how soul sucking it felt all the assignments feeling like mundane chores that you were ofrced to do in and out, the teachers not really understanding you and how your'e mind works ( while it was rough sailing for my early years I was still thankfully diagnosed early and have a very understanding family, but I can sitll vividly remeber an elemnty school teacher telling me I was using Asperger's a crutch.. heck maybe i was but isn't that a bit harsh to say to a child?) and that own mind causing confusion and outbursts that land you , being harassed in Middle school by other fellow troubled kids following by a specalist high-school that honestly didn't do enough for the kids attending, and how even though all the hell I went though, the two things that remianed the same was how boring school was and how kids can be so vicious to each other (though in my case, being in special education schools due to my own actions, I can undderstand today that some of the kids I interacted with had issues of they're own that I couldn't undersand), thankfully being the quiet/withdrawn kids in larger schools allowed me to blend in the crowds and at least avoid one bane of the education system, and while the path I had to take was rough, I met some pretty amazing folks along the way that helped shape me, so I'm honestly content with how things wound up Suffice it to say, I've really been enjoying the series due to how relatable allot of it has been on my life growing up , and allows me a way to better explain the way my head works to those that aren't on the spectrum

Ahh, the good ol' "Courses that appear absolutely useless that the system demands you do anyway". Still struggling with this in Uni.

ok, i've now spent all night watching the series and it's the best all nighter i've spent

Starting in high school was when shit really hit the fan for me and when social isolation really became evident. I enjoyed learning usually regardless of whatever the subject was, but having to deal with apathetic and heartless peers diminished most of that joy and much of my motivation and thus my performance, with the exception for motivation to graduate and escape that environment. College and University has been much better, but it's way too easy to isolate one's self in that environment too without having to be forced to interact with other people (it is a problem I still cope with as I work for my Master's Degree). That said, I always found I connected with my teachers and professors to a much better level than I ever did with the majority of my peers (with a few exceptions for childhood friends). One thing I still wish I understood better was an incident from before high school when I was undergoing evaluation for a diagnosis. I never received a diagnosis; I was originally told that the paperwork required for one of my instructors to fill out was lost in the process. Years later, I find out that they did not complete it and return it because they feared that I would be stigmatized and become a target for my peers. I was actually kind of pissed off when I found out this truth. My biggest problem with that justification is that cruel people don't need a reason to antagonize other people; they'll just do it because they can.

when i was in public schools i was so heavily bullied i came home from school everyday crying because of the actions of the other students, i am 24 now and i have a lot of emotional damage from the bullying, every night i have night terrors about school and my self esteem barly exists, i now suffer from clinical depression and the one thing i want in life might not happen due to the emotional damage and the aspburgers all i want is some girl to love me and to help me

I pretty much get this sense of insane anger whenever I hear someone say "School is great" or something in these terms. These are really the only words that can turn any kind of mood for me to straight up insane anger instantly.

"what did you do during the pandemic?" "Well, I learned I'm probably mildly autistic" It started with you're breakdown of one of my favorite games, MGS2. I show everyone I can those videos on the most profound moment in gaming history,; it's a gem. Then I fell in love with your Silent Hill analyses, and then found myself looking at a more deeper horror lol. I've been thinking about whether I was autistic or not for years, first it started as a joke, but then I noticed I have many similar ticks and tendencies as you've mentioned in this series but not noticable to many other people than myself. Although, I don't think I need any kind medication (mostly because I'm a healthcare professional against big pharma) or therapy now since I've developed a spiritual practice and have studied many philosophies. What I believe to have helped me the most in developing my EQ though, is when I took roughly 4g of Psylocibe Cubensis or Magic Mushrooms. Disclaimer: Psychedelics are a personal decision and as much as I respect them, they should not be taken by everybody. and especially those with schizophrenic history or severe bipolar disorder. The only way I can't described how my brain CHANGED is : picture a box. The box may be my physical brain, and the things inside and outside the box are my thoughts,, perceptions of reality, knowledge and wisdom floating around. Taking psylocibin broke down the box so things that on the inside and out are now communicating with eachother in ways I cannot explain with words. My world opened up, becasue my heart and my brain were finally on the same page. To anyone interested in looking into it further, A youtuber by the name PsychedSubstance had recorded his autistic friend taking acid and his testimony is available. Thanks Max, you're a cool guy.

I hated it when the other students acted up because when they would the teacher/professor would yell and it caused me to have a lot of anxiety. I had the same issue with books as well. Even if I liked the book I still had trouble absorbing the words. I'm glad that you made this video. I couldn't pay attention in school at I guess that was due to ADD/ADHD as well as anxiety. I'm sorry to hear that you were bullied. My parents set me up with an aide that would take me to classes and would stay with me the whole day.

Yay the series that tells my own life story better than I could continues... I was severely bullied. All manner of violence. I was told to kill myself. I was told no one would ever want to be my friend. People said they couldn't stand/hated me, when I asked why they'd call me names, when I asked what I'd done that made those names apply or that made them mad, I'd get hit. Then there are subtler things like them not talking to you, not allowing you to sit with them at lunch, claiming to own a piece of school property as "their part of the playground", claiming that they own a certain lunch table so you are not allowed to sit there even if you got there first - it was maddening. People also had no respect for personal space, privacy, or my belongings. I still to this day am haunted by the memories and could even have C-PTSD. Additionally the staff and teachers were not always supportive. I found most of them to be burned out and apathetic, if they saw an incident, they often didn't want to go through the inconvenience of reporting or dealing with it. This led the students to think that they ran the schools. "Top dog" students, especially those with the richest parents, could do anything to anyone. When I complained I was the trouble maker. If I fought back I'd often get punished more severely than the student who hit me first. I felt like the school didn't want to address my plight, or make me feel better, or even provide me with a safe educational environment. It just wanted to crush my spirit so I would go along with their "program". I've heard stories about teachers in the US who are ex-nazis or closet nazis/fascists and I wonder if a couple of my teachers may have been. Looking back I think they had a social Darwinist take on education. If I got beaten up and gotten my personal items stolen, it was my fault, in their eyes, for not being tough enough to defend myself/my things. Or charismatic enough to be popular. I also had some incidents where behavior issues I consider extremely petty were over-corrected with humiliating punishments. My desk was a little messy so my 4th grade teacher took away everything I had and made me raise my hand and ask for items like textbooks, pencils, etc. In front of everyone. She made me stand up all day if she caught me tipping my chair back. It was like military-style discipline, at age 8. And since I was considered bad for habits like that and for doodling and daydreaming, they wanted to put me on Ritalin. My Kindergarten teacher was actually mad that I was already reading before starting school because it meant I did not fit the "program", which assumes that starting Kindergartners don't even know the alphabet, and had nowhere to stick kids who could already read. Mom said she didn't want to let me skip ahead to first grade, but maybe I should've. I did better home-schooled but my grandparents hated the idea of it. They thought it was not "normal" and that I would not be "socialized". Okay so being social means getting my hair pulled, getting kicked, getting spit on, getting my stuff taken away, and being told I was worthless and that I should kill myself, in addition to being sexually harassed and humiliated by both boys and girls? Yeah thanks for making sure I did the "normal" thing by going back to school. To this day I don't understand why the school system tolerates and normalizes abuse. And most attempts to end bullying backfire by putting the kids labeled "different" on a platform.

I love how you’re able to break down the problems that AS people (including myself) often face into easy-to-understand explanations. Great video and great series.

I just finished this whole series about aspergers and I can't explain how much this has helped me understand the symptoms I've been having since I can remember, when I tell people I have aspergers they're usually surprised because I don't exhibit many of my symptoms outwardly since I'm usually a very quiet and reserved person. I'm yet to find my area of interest, as I thought it was aviation, I still have an insane passion for it and I know a LOT about all things aviation but I just don't have enough hope or motivation for myself to believe its a viable option, these videos have helped but have also left me in a dark place thinking about my future. I've got a very understanding boyfriend who really helps with everything but life gets really hard sometimes and I've been struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts since I was ten years old (Being 17 now). Thank you for these videos, the help you've provided me with as well as many others is invaluable. The little "you deserve to be happy" makes me shed a tear every time

I would be very wary of prescribing ritalin or adderall to ADHD because of long term health effects and because scholastic performance does not improve. The main effect in the classroom is quieter more compliant students but that does not translate into better grades. No one has ever died or even become sick from ADHD but side effects, including development of personality disorders can occur with long term use. Schools value trait agreeableness and trait conscientiousness in the 5 factor model over performance and creativity or trait openness. Maybe schools should focus on becoming adaptive to the needs of individual children instead of trying to bend children to its needs, and pushing so many square pegs through round holes.

Thank you. At least 90% of what you have said is not only similar to me but is me. The fact that you are spreading awareness has made me extremely happy.

I hated school. It felt so coercive. I checked out and did the bare minimum to get by. When I was 24 I decided to give it another shot and enrolled in university as a molecular biology/ biochemistry major with minors in bioethics and chemistry. Although I still struggle with the educational system and teaching stradegies, I am delighted to be there and hope to become a professor someday. I am writing this to hopfully provide hope to anyone that is struggling with the types of issues detailed in this video. Do not let your aversion to the educstional system prevent you from achieving what you are capable of. Things will be more difficult for those with AS, but overcoming such issues will only make you more capable moving forward.

I thought this was going to be about dreams about being in school again. Even after college, I still have dreams where school haunts me.

Thank you for this. I'm quickly approaching my 31st birthday and have just started to connect the dots in my life that never seemed to make any discernable picture. Basically, I'm 30 and have just figured out the answer to my ever constant, plaguing, obstruction of a question, "what the fuck is wrong with me/you?" Other people have asked me this too out of pure frustration. 🤷🏻 But this explains why school was so painful and why I ended up randomly crying in the middle of class for seemingly no reason in 4th grade. ... And 5th grade. ..... And 8th grade. At least those are 3 key instances that I remember because my classmates made sure I didn't forget. I just got overwhelmed and now I understand why. I thought I would get a little sympathy from my classmates who were enduring the same torture I was, but no one else ever broke down and openly sobbed quietly at their desk from time to time. It was just me. Crying like a weirdo in the middle of a history lecture. I also found homework to be so pointless I would get bad grades due to not turning in assignments even though if I were graded solely on tests, I would have had straight A's. I was too exhausted after being at school all day. There was nothing left of me by the time I got home after that, especially to waste my time affirming my comprehension of the information presented when the content mostly seemed irrelevant to life in general and has been ultimately unnecessary and forgotten as I assumed it would. I didn't want to take my time to parrot back these things that I just read because when I read something, I remember it. No need for repetition and reiteration. I got the content. And it felt offensive to put all this effort into this work that is glanced over, scrutinized, marked, and ultimately discarded. My time and work and energy, scratched at with a red pen as deemed necessary and then thrown in the trash... Like, I started thinking about this in 3rd grade when I was 7-8 years old... That's some depressing shit coming from a kid who just got the training wheels on their bike taken off... I had my first suicidal thoughts and began questioning my existence and self worth at age 10. How I wasn't noticed as different enough to warrant a closer look at me, I don't even know. In hindsight, this explains so much of my struggles and I can start to accept my symptoms for what they are and not core defects of character that I have failed to correct. And now I know how to find the answers that I need to genuinely improve in a gentler, healthy, and sustainable way. Content like yours has really helped me personally feel like I'm not this defective worthless spoiled selfish burden to everyone simply by existing in their presence. I need to be kinder to myself... I've been pushing myself to just be a normal adult who doesn't start crying when a door gets slammed and who can just hold down a job without regular panic attacks and losing the will to live even though the work itself was rewarding and 100% accommodating to all forms of disability. I didn't have any idea I was autistic at the time but I worked at a non profit that served the disabled community and connected them to appropriate services, resources, hosted seminars and lectures, and it was in a building designed for everyone. Giant spiral ramps going from floor to floor as well as elevators with buttons at various heights and fully automated doors and lights. No heavy scented products allowed. There was a "quiet room" with a couch and bookshelf where one could go to chill out if the needed a minute. I utilized that and really appreciated the room being available as a dedicated chill space when overwhelmed. Most of the employees there had various disabilities and promoted different services. My job was to be the tools that they needed to accomplish their tasks assisting them in whatever ways they need. My manager was an amazing man with cerebral palsy who needed assistance with typing, note taking, filing, basically whatever task that was made easier by having me physically do it. He was understanding and patient and a cool person to talk to and learn from. He let me adjust the times I worked and sent me home after panic attacks, checking in with me through text to make sure I got home ok and gave me his sympathy when I know my absence meant unexpected difficulty for him. All this to say, even in the best possible work environment that I didn't even know I needed and helped in ways that didn't even register, I was still inevitably exhausted and just couldn't continue working for reasons I didn't comprehend. So I blamed myself and was angry because it was a good job that I enjoyed as personally gratifying and I missed the people that I grew to see as friends. I had an amazingly supportive work environment in every possible way, because that was like their whole thing. Showing people with whatever disabilities that they can do the things, and here's ways you can make doing the things easier and more accommodating. The entire building was specifically designed with inclusivity as it's main focus and I never had any issues with any coworkers, I really felt valued and genuinely appreciated at the end of the day... I convinced myself that I didn't deserve such kindness and gratitude to try and justify this irrational paralysis at the thought of continuing to work there... I wish I would have known back then what I am just realizing now. My life could have been so different, for the better. I already had all the supports and accommodations possible. Maybe I could have started holding my own lectures and offering support services for other people like me who are just trying to make sense of their jumbled lives that have been riddled with confusion and guilt... It's almost laughable now that I think about it. I couldn't keep working at a disability services centered office because I was unknowingly suffering with issues of my own. 🤦🏻 I was masking when I didn't need to because I didn't even know what masking was. Maybe I'll see if my old manager has a Facebook, see how he's been and have a chat. I'm compelled to apologize as a default, but I think if anyone would be able to tell me what I need to hear in a kind and supportive way, he's the first person that comes to mind. ... And I could really use some of that "words used to advertise mattresses" wholesomeness directed my way. I think we all could, really. Life is hard, man. And when you find someone who genuinely appreciates you as a person when that's such a rarity, it's something you cling to because it shows that it really is possible to add value to another person's life. Most of my life prior, I had resigned to the idea that only the opposite was possible. I had almost forgotten that I have done great things and that I can do more great things. I'm not worthless. I do have value. I am amazing in a lot of ways. I also still hate myself, but I'm working on that. Which has lead me here to ramble on way too long in a comment section like a self important lunatic thinking that anyone is even going to read this far. But this is cheaper than therapy and I didn't need to schedule an appointment, so there you go. FOR THE ALGORITHM!!! 👍

Heh, I know this feeling. 😂 So glad I have been home schooled through middle-school and high-school, because I honestly don't know how I would have turned out otherwise. But, actually pretty recently I got a taste of exactly what you just described, when I was enrolled in an early English class alongside my brother. At first, I was actually decently excited, since I knew learning English would benefit my writing abilities. But.. then the half semester happened, and, it, was, TORTURE. I had no idea what happened either! After my brain realized how childish and easy everything was, it just shut off, only turning on occasionally to learn how to use some different grammar things I hadn't learned before! The whole rest of the time, my brain just felt DEAD. It grew to the point to where I just completely stopped reading the book and sites I was given. I procrastinated on SEVERAL projects, before just barely making them and turning them in just a few MINUTES before they were due! My parents had to get involved and set a schedule for me, which I still ended up neglecting a bit after some time, continuing to procrastinate. It almost felt like my brain was in lock-down mode, and any more forcing pointless info I to my brain would make it explode. I remember LITERALLY crying over a project as my parents continued pressuring me to do it. And I rarely cry, it was that stimulating. What I think in the end only made it worse was the fact that my slightly younger brother was taking the exact same class, and doing WAY better than me, even though he didn't even have an interested in writing! While I was getting shamed for failing to do things properly, he was getting praised for doing them the right way and stuff. I would probably saying that having him there was more of an embarassment for me, especially since I was older, and therefore expected to be SMARTER. "Pfff!" Was me when I decided to just not care anymore about my grades, just barely scraping a 'C,' which I was genuinely surprised about since I had failed on so many projects. I would say that probably the best thing to come out of that was that I learned how to use a few different punctuations better. But, unfortunately, I think the worse overcame that, since my 'not caring' leaked into all my other homeschool classes, meaning that I stopped reading pretty much ALL my textbooks, and would just wing it whenever tests came about.. and every now and then I would just make sure I sounded extra enthusiastic when the teacher asked the class about what we had learned (since I was in a homeschool co-op). I just figured out that if I knew the general what we were supposed to have learned, mixed with what I already knew on the topic, mixed with a little extra enthusiasm, I was able to pull off the act that I had actually done something and not been a complete blob head. StrAtZ. Now.. I appear to have been crippled regarding the idea of college completely, now seeing the whole thing as nothing but useless, since in homeschool I noticed we we were already using college text-books, which were in my opinion absolute child's play. Watching documentaries is more fun anyways. And... I guess that is the story if how I no realized I wanted to be a turd when I grew up. :P I know how to make money without needing all that anyways.

I still have literal nightmare where i'm in school and have to participate in classes... no monsters or whatever just the sheer horror of an ordinary class.

I can relate so much to the "PTSD symptoms " when talking about school... I despise high-school with all my soul. From the last 6 years of school, only 3 of those I finished all the way through. Once I ended up in hospital before the final exams (eating disorder...) where the doctors and psychiatrists told me that when I’d be healthy, my depression will go away. It never did, and they never cared. And then twice I gave up half way and finished the work from home. I never got any help from medical professionals. They blamed my depressed mood on other factors and basically said that it will all go away and I just need to "breathe and relax". BREATHE AND RELAX. TO CURE DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY AND AUTISM.

I understand what you mean about passions leading to a career. I'm 23 and now in my third year of my job building cropdusters. I have always loved airplanes and my avatar is a 1946 Cessna 140 and was the first airplane I ever worked on at 12 years old when we rebuilt it. Do what you love and you will never work a day in your life and I get paid to "Sperg out" 😁. Max, good luck with finding a job and I don't remember what feild are you trying to get into?

The funny/sad thing was after getting yelled at school by teachers for not being able to cope with sensory overload due to the lights and other kids and noise also getting stared at, I would come home to a step father who would yell his ear off saying "im yelling so you can hear me" not knowing it is very painful when people yell at me, so my parents put me in cadets to get discipline. Didnt work only made things worse. :(

Don't get me started about school. Great video max you're like an idol for people with AS. What are your ideas for episode 8 of this great series

Although I’m currently awaiting diagnosis, I know I have Asperger’s. It’s refreshing to hear your stories because I’ve had such similar experiences, so thank you for sharing! It’s very helpful. On the other hand, I look back on school rather positively, despite my difficulties. I think this is because I struggled more with my Asperger’s at home because of the people I lived (and still live) with. Wish I’d picked up on it sooner.

A.S Woman speaking. To anyone whom may still have trouble understanding how hard school can be for them, in my High school I failed a test just because someone made really strong coffee in that class room. Luckily though I failed SO badly that my teachers had asked me about it and allowed me to retake the test. I’m not going to lie I didn’t think they would have believed me when I gave my reason. I’m glad they did though. 😊🍎

School was the absolute worst experience in my life. I was tired of it, from kindergarden class. And then I was forced through another 10 years. Not untill the age of 39, I was diagnosed with Aspergers.

I have had that experience of not being able to read the words on a page because it is so dull to me and still don't know one of my time's tables. If something captured my imagination, I couldn't stop working on it. Thank you for this. A school was confusing to me.

School for me was a bleak and empty experience, not because I was "isolated" or "marginalized", as a matter of fact, my classmates respected me and genuinly saw me as one of them. The problem was, I was somehow unable to actually socialize, I had a very hard time relating to them and everytime I tried to engage into conversation I just couldn't because the stuff they talked about was completely alien to me. I couldn't spend much time with them either because most of the time I was busy with some other extracurricular shit like an English learning academy (I attended there for several years and it was very demanding so it took a lot of my time) What hits me the hardest about all of this is that, as I said before I wasn't "bullied" or "marginalized. But somehow managed to alienate myself from my peers

We changed schools in the middle of the school year. Riding a bus for the first time. I was bullied from day one. Average class size from 3rd grade to 12th grade was about 30 kids. Teachers did not acknowledge the bullying that took place. I was diagnosed with Aspergers at age 54.

Man this really got to me. I can relate to some of your problems too. In fact I think it was English that finally made me drop out in the 10th grade. Thing was I liked my English teacher, he was really nice, and found interest in me, a lot of my teachers did. What you said about coming to the point were you had to scream, I felt that too, but I internalized all my emotions because I couldn't show them, well that's what I told myself for YEARS. So I kept them in until I got home, were I'd 'dump' in my room, now that only happened every so often not every day. Your videos have made me understand myself in ways I never thought about, even so I still have issues with dealing with internalized anger or self-hatred. I'm just not sure if I can shake it since I feel like I can't go easy on myself. I have talked with my therapist on some of these things, but I still have problems "using the right words" as I put it. I not really a good self-advocate, and now when I think about it, that might be in part my self hatred. Anyway still love your videos. 73 de David SE/1995

Saw the title and genuinely thought you might be talking about the vivid nightmares my brain conjures up out of my school memories. I've had zombie apocalypse dreams that don't give me such a feeling of hopeless dread.

I remember getting so brutally yelled at by teachers and teased by students that I just shut off my emotions entirely, and became rather indifferent to everything around me, which I guess my teachers and parents were fine with, until I started to self-harm and curse. They thought I felt nothing, when in reality I felt everything, but couldn't express it in fear of being called a "spoiled brat" or "crybaby" and thinking I just needed to get over it. The very least they could do is tell me why I needed to get over it, or even how.

Just started watching this series. All I have to say is that you are amazing at teaching and communicating. Thank you

Thanks for the fantastic video, as usual. The part that starts at 10:00 is one of the most hilarious things I've heard someone narrate in my life! 😂😂😂, I listened to it 15 times in a row.

Oh my gosh this describes me and I have Autism and an IQ of 160. I also have epilepsy and ADD, lupus, fibromyalgia and after graduation from high school I got a dead end job. I want to get into college for nursing but I can’t earn enough to go to university. The school system ••••ed me over. I agree with every point you made in this video. The only class I actually learned something in was both of my foods/cooking classes. Anyway great video and have a great day.

Since I can relate to a few things from your videos I thought I can share some of my experiences, especially when it comes to school. I live in Berlin, Germany, and was raised by my Russian parents, who taught me the principles of education and school behaviour during Kindergarten. I understood and once I was in 1st grade, I was one of the best classmates in elementary and found a few friends I could hang out with. Unfortunately it lasted until grade 4, where my parents divorced and my older brother had some severe problems with his teachers (we were in different classes). We changed the school and I lost all my prior connections, making me a loner. On hindsight, I realised how much it affected me, as my grades went from As and Bs to Ds. At 6th grade I tried my best to get better grades and ended up being a C student. I was slowly improving during middle school and until the 9th grade, I had quite a hard time socializing with other people. It was one day, around second half of 9th grade, where I just thought "Fuck it" and didn't care anymore about socializing, and went on to learning. In Germany there's a proverb called "In den sauren Apfel beißen", which means "bite into the sour apple", and that was and still is my attitude towards school. On 10th grade, I had the highest markrate in class and was approved to do my A-Levels. As I'm now in 13th grade, almost finishing my A-Levels, I'm suprised of how many people see me as a diligent student, even though I despice the whole school system. It is possible that I have a few of these symptoms, though I think they're rather caused by low self-esteem, anxiety, or traumatic experiences. So if anyone, who has problems with socializing in school, is reading this, I suggest you to understand the reason why you're in school. Ignore the criticism of anyone who says bad stuff and, as I'd like to say, "accept it and move on".

I dont know if I have Aspergers, but I know that I had terrible grades in school, despite my 119 I.Q. I had some issues at home, also, and I was eventually put into a subdivision of my highschool for "troubled" kids. There were less kids per teacher and they had a strict no homework policy. I went from failing to having a 4.0. Unfortunately, my personal issues began to effect my work there and I was unable to graduate. I enjoy these video's a lot.

I have autism and I regularly received verbal and emotional abuse at my elementary school over a period of three years. My second grade teacher was the worst of them and I would often cry to my mother saying things I wanted to kill myself and I didn't want to live anymore. My teacher fucked me up so bad (emotionally) that until I was 13, I was very sensitive and cried whenever anything would go wrong. I still put a lot of pressure on myself to this day.

These are very insightful for me and help explain to my family why I am the way I am hopefully, after watching these all with them hopefully they can understand me better

Max, I cannot tell you how much I relate to school on your level. I don't think I have Asperger's but I also HATED school and could not understand why one has to learn pointless useless stuff which they KNOW they are NOT interested in and would never use in their lives! I was horrible at math and hated it but English was my favorite subject and I always enjoyed it.

I am (hopefully) finishing my last year of college after a full childhood of public school and seven years of battling for my BA. I feel all of this so deeply and, while I live to learn about anything and everything, I know I will sob with happiness when I finally graduate.

Kudos to you Max👍 You have explained my life pretty much perfectly to a T in your 7 videos about the Truth about AS. I only wished my vocabulary was broader so I could combine words into sentences like you do to explain how i'm feeling at any given moment. Verbally. Ha. I love your videos and explanations, please keep making them, you're seriously making the world a better place with every upload with this amount of detailed information. Keep up the great work😉👍

Great video Max, like you I had to read the classics on my own. Only a couple of teachers gave us classics. School was a complete bore, it did suck a lot! Your new live stream sounds interesting, can't wait to watch it.

Thank you so much. I am a mom with a 7 year old son with asperges. He hates school so much. Sometimes i really dont know what to do. I am talking to diffrent school who are specialist in the spectrum. I hope going to school gets a little bit better for him. Sometimes his emotions make me cry i feel so helpless. And sometimes i really want to leave him at home. But i can not do that because i will break te rules. Thank you for this video. Now i can understand more what is happening (And coming). Sorry for my englisch. I am from the netherlands xoxo chirley

I actually got told off today for screaming for people to shut up because I couldnt focus on my work. I then got told off for not doing enough work... 😑

While i cannot say i hated school (i think i loved it except during a few periods), i can say i empathise with what you lived through. I believe I'm part of the lucky ones : my parents were very supportive and I live in a culture were bullying might be slightly less horrible. physically violent bullying is extremely rare. Also I had the chance to often be friend with the positive leaders of the class. But school i think had the exact same negative points as you stated : generally boring subjects with what seemed senseless assignments. My interests are not too narrowed and I believe our education system do show you what use the knowledge you take in will have, so I wasn't always bored, but I was very often bored. I had quite a few meltdowns as well where I would tear down papers or such. In university now, the problem around finding some subjects useless is the most present than ever, back when I was in school I was in the mentality that "you never know" so even the most boring subjects I'll accept them but now that I'm in academia and that I'm so close doing only the subject that really interest me I'm just snapping cause even now it's seem completely overtaken by subjects that don't interest me the least (and that a part of me can't fail to see as completely useless) but I STILL need to take them to earn my diploma and thus continue further.

I relate to this so much. But it's worse when school sucks and home sucks as well.

For me as a senior in high school with asperger's syndrome I hate the rigidity of public education. It isn't fair that students are forced to learn things their minds aren't made to understand. I have great grades but my interests are in politics and writing which isn't givem any attention in school outside of very rigid government classes and essays that have false dichotomy based topics. I don't have a problem doing the work as long as i have a choice in howni get to do it. I don't like being forced to do anything in only one ofna few ways. I need to be able to add my own views and creativity or else i feel like a worthless drone. Not to mention that many students just look at me like im crazy when I discuss or debate topics because I almost morph into an activst mindset and become very verbal which isn't common for me. When i was in elementary school i had very often meltdowns which i can control now. Along with my AS i have the aforementioned adhd as well as moderate depression. At times it just becomes frustrating going to school because it's almost like being in prison or a zoo. I almost feel paranoid that people know i have these disorders and they act friendly just to make me feel normal even though many are shocked when i tell the rare few I have AS. I feel the same way about modern literature classes. For instance we only get to learn Jane Eyre and Hamlet fully. Whereas flowers for algernon which i personally and intellectually connect with and 1984 which is my favorite novel were abridged and to me they offer more practical thoughtsand fun discussion than goddamn Hamlet. I also love writing essays just not on topics like Jane Eyre which almost made me fantasize about ritualistic suicide to save myself from the unabashed bordem. Ok maybe that last bit was exaggeratiom but it still made my mind wander and hurt because I wanted to actually read works by authors like Orwell and Mark Twain because of how much allegory they use. They create discussion and don't stifle creativity. I know this is very anecdotal but i thought it would be helpful to add my thoughts if it could help anyone. Tbh i love your videos and you have helped me feel like I'm not alone. I almost cry watching your videos because of how much I empathize with how your struggles vaguely or at times specifically reflect my own.

For me the issue was not sensorial, but social; over the years, more and more I learned people were not predictable except in having a high likelihood of disagreeing with me on what is appropriate, polite etc; I can't trust people, and I can't relax and be myself around people :( edit: And yeah, meaningless memorization is idiotic

4:35 I love that meme because I learned how to read before pre-school so that was one of the few positive things that came from AS.

i used to hate being in class. all the people in a small ass room would freak me out. i didn’t know how to properly manage my anxiety and would often say dumb ass shit. people thought i was wierd and they weren’t wrong but it was hard for me to earn people’s respect and it was even harder to maintain it. i didn’t even realize it was anxiety related until halfway through 2018. i graduated in 2016.

Subject: School Purpose: Indoctrination Solution: Unschooling

My school experience was so bad that if im ever terminally ill with 6 months or whatever to live, im going to burn that dump to the ground.

School was bad, I still get panic attacks from those days.

I'm 31, not diagnosed with Asperger's, but was diagnosed with Emotional Dysregulation Disorder as a kid, and I remember school being hell. By the 3rd grade, I was targeted by the greater portion of the student body. I was jump, teased, shoved into the girls room, called gay, and accused of some rather... explicit acts with a fictional character in a children's show. Rather than offering to help find a solution, or something, my principal instead told my parents that I made myself a victim. I actually attempted suicide my first time that year. There were also times where I would get unreasonably upset, and start yelling and screaming, and even throwing desks and chairs, as well as destroy my own school work. By the 7th grade, I was suspended so many times that I would have been expelled the next time I got suspended. Idk how I managed to keep myself from a meltdown after that, aside from the times I freaked out in the halls because my schedule kept getting messed up in highschool (every semester).I honestly think the only reason I made it through school is that I was in special education for the better part of it. I never went to college, because I felt I needed to unwind after highschool, and just never was able to bring myself to go afterwards.

Used to have all the symptoms, but feel like grown-out a little, feel less disgusted to things like I used to, but I don’t know why.

4:38 I actually learned reading by myself as a kid through comics. So yeah, sorry teacher, no praise for you. XD

Parenting 101: Procreation is child abuse. On a less serious note, I thought this video would mention literal nightmares. School was traumatic for me, as an aspie, but any nightmares I ever had were never about it. Rather, school appeared in dreams I refer to as nightrages. In them I grow increasingly frustrated with Kafka-esque demands from teachers and administrators, until I completely broke and went on an Akira-esque rampage. I'd often wake myself up from yelling. I actually found them kinda cathartic.

Our classrooms all had horrible echo-issues. Especially when there was a teacher with a shrill voice I couldn't hear a single word, it was just pain.

idk if i have asd (im on a looooong waiting list for an assessment) but all of what u said is so relatable. im lucky that when i was younger i was stereotypically intelligent and academic, i could learn things very easily so it didnt matter if i couldn't focus in class. but it got harder and harder to go to school as the kids in my class got louder and i got more sensitive. i would get panic attacks every day for months on end. IT SUCKED. and i was only 9 when it started. i pushed on until i started secondary school, but that was the final straw. i had no energy or motivation to keep living because school was all i could see. but no one noticed how bad i got even though i was self harming and hearning voices and regularly trying to end my life. FOR 2 YEARS. everyone saw my grades dropping though, but because i started off getting straight a's i only dropped to c's and d's on average, so no one cared. eventually last september i finally told my community mental health team i tried to kill myself and they sent me to a hospital. now my family and school understand how serious it is and that i have a lot more issues than they thought. but i still have to wait a insane amount of time for an asd assessment and i won't be able to get all the special accommodations i need to sit the state exams this summer because my school is too small. let's hope i can drop out when i turn 16 soon :)

So many things just seem in retrospect like they're about control, not rules that exist for a reason. Like making us use non-mechanical pencils when I like mechanical pencils more now. Making us use blue or black ink only, punishing us sometimes for using multicolored gel pens. Taking off points for drawing on an assignment. Etc.

I thrive once i enter college, and even more so when i study online. Too bad online degree, despite being from a reputable institution, is still look down by most people and employer. I am consider having another master degree offline, not because i like it (i hate being in classroom and i can hardly pay attention or process lectures quick enough) but because society still value it more. 😢

Can you do a video solely on ASD and alcohol/substance abuse? I always enjoy watching your videos

This is a bit of a vent, but I wanted to share a little story of mine from my personal experience at school with Asperger's syndrome: I remember in 8th grade I ended up having a sensory overload in the middle of a biology class and had to run out of my class and out to the school parking lot to try and get a grip and calm down. I began to panic after a while which didn't help at all and I ended up hearing an auditory hallcination (a lady whispering in my ear). Eventually the school councilor found me curled up in a ball shaking and crying in the cold just outside of the school entrance, and I ended up spending the rest of the day in her office (luckily it was my 2nd last period so thankfully I didn't miss much). The next day everyone in that class was asking what happened to me, so I just said that I had a panic attack and just needed to cool off... which wasn't too far from the truth (Only 4 of my close friends and the councilor know my diagnosis at school since I don't really trust anyone else with that kind of information). That by far was my worst school day ever, but I am very lucky that my parents let me pick my courses the next few years so nothing like that would happen again such as art and the school band. In fact I still end up getting slightly on edge when I'm in a bio class but I can manage to throw my teachers and peers off by getting decent marks.