I am part of this organization and they truly are our extended family ! Ty to rabbi vigler and the amazing staff who do so much for these families and amazing children
Thank you for this episode. As a single mother myself many conversations around this topic come up. For most mothers in this difficult situation (with no support) she has an inhumane choice between choosing her children or her mental health. Every mother’s desire is to choose her children over anything in the world and is forced to choose healing her mental health first. This in itself is one of the greatest weights and guilt that is transferred into the rest of the divorce experience.
"Mental health" = "Indulging emotionality," most of the time. Usually there are no black eyes or physical harm. She's just upset. And, yes, she says she would choose her children over anything in the world, but "anything" doesn't include her feeling bad more than she'd like, so she throws them under the bus.
I am a Goj,but Humans are the same what belongs our inner side,for sure One doesn't need a Rabbi for this! I just wanna say it is amazing and I am full of true Respect,considering the Topics you got to move and which you care for❣️ Thanks,I also have already profited on first Day here ! Boker tov Achim,however one might think - Shalomaleikum as I say these Days and the most pretty amazing steady fact is and will be AM YIZRAEL CHAI FROM 🇩🇪 &🥰❣️
My father passed away when I was 13. I remember clearly at 15/16 having a conversation with my friends whose parents were divorced and them saying to me that I was in a better position tan them. Thank you so much for this amazing podcast.
Good for Rabbi Vigler for doing what he does. I'm shocked at the comments here. Blaming (especially en masse) is useless. You want to do something? Get in there and help where you can. The problems and the pain involved are complex. Each family in a divorce situation has a complex situation. Please don't judge or blame. You're only contributing to stigmatizing which only compounds the pain. There's more than enough pain already. We all wish we could make it better. But blaming the women, the men, the generation, etc... does NOTHING to help. Call up Rabbi Vigler, or another organization and ask how you can help!
בס"ד The assumption that if you'll help children of devorced parents this serves an incentive to devorce, is not true at all. And mainly very unJewish!!! What are we supposed to do? Close are eyes and see all these kids in accute pain. Let them suffer emotionally and socially? Im fascinated with what Rabbi Vigler is doing! Baruch Hashem people are waking up to do what should have been a done long time ago. This is a great zchut for Am Yisrael. Kol Hakavod Rabbi Vigler!!
BH' how crazy is this my father a Vietnam veteran a secular man had the same eyes as the Rebbe, he always told me, save a dollar and give to what you believe in,
'The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: Report of a 25-Year Study' is a book by J.S. Wallerstein. I heard about the book at one of the OU marriage retreats many years ago. From my experience and the tragic experience of my poor child, I can tell you that the book's conclusions were spot on.
You keep commenting. It seems obvious that your wife is requesting a divorce. You clearly don’t want to get divorced. If you want to save your marriage you have to do the work. With the way that things are, she obviously isn’t happy. Get yourself a therapist and be honest. You clearly need to change. You clearly need to learn how to treat your wife better. You clearly need to learn how to be a good husband and father. The question is are you motivated enough to change for the better and maintain those improvements? Consistency is what you need. She won’t be satisfied with temporary improvement. You need to consistently be a better man.
@@gilamoshayev8326 it seems like you're someone too selfish and immature to commit to a marriage and children, and are trying to justify stealing from your husband
Rabbi Vigler - why can't children of divorce be normal? I mean normal is a funny word, but to the extent that anyone can be normal, anyone including a world filled with a range of people with their own challenges, why are children of divorce not allowed to be normal? I just don't think it's good to suggest any limitations. Almost every human who walks the earth today struggles heartily in this life. I think anyone can succumb easily, or overcome to any nuanced level of success including from the normal range and up to far beyond. Yes - children who's parents are divorced deal with a unique set of challenges - and they deserve extra sensitivity, and support, but their challenges do not define their futures. And how they end up does not have to be considered predetermined by their childhood circumstances. How terrible for a child, or an adult child to think - "ok. I'm like this or that, but really, what choice did I have? Being super is just beyond... I'm just not gonna make it... What do you want from me anyway?? My parents were divorced."
Even just intentionally holding back from sending photos and videos of the kids to the other parent - especially when the other parent doesn't see the children often - is just plain cruel and nasty. That in itself can bring so much pain to the parent who is not getting those snapshots of his/her kids' lives. And it goes without saying (or at least _should_ go without saying) that not sharing information about how the children are doing in school, how they're doing in general, and anything their therapists' tell the custodial parent is, again, just cruel and so selfish. Not only are these behaviors painful to the parent being deprived of all these things, but it's also so important for the children's own well-being that *both* their parents know what's going on in their lives, how they're doing, and what from therapy their therapists feel is important to share with the parents. Even sharing photos and videos are important for the children's well-being, as it breeds connection between the lesser seen parent and the kids. I want to commend any parent out there whose ex is using the children as pawns, yet you refuse to do the same; as you lovingly put your children's needs before your own. I'm sorry you're being treated cruelly. If your children don't appreciate or love you right now, they will one day when they can find out for themselves what truly went on.
Are you crazy?! Nobody wants to get divorced! It's not a good life! Sometimes it's unfortunately necessary. But nobody's just breaking up their family and stability for the cash - especially because the costs (in terms of anguish and financially) to get to get anywhere in court are extremely high, and even then many don't get even what they need to pay for essentials. And even THEN so many don't pay... Don't try to convince yourself off this. Divorce comes from many different things, but there's always brokenness and pain.
Divorce is a tragedy.somerimes a necessary evil bit the effects on the children are mostly irreoarable.Its impossible fir one parent to fill in the duties of the other parent compketely.A mom is Not a dad and vice versa. The kids suffer the most but so do the parents. The only saving grace is if the parents divorce civilly and raise the kids with respect and devotion.
I don’t live in the US, and where I live, divorce is not that common in the Jewish community. Can someone please tell me why there are so many divorces happening?
I’m not currently in America either, but I’d assume it’s the view goyim have on what marriage is and is supposed to be (more focused on self fulfilment and less on obligation) seeping into Jewish communities as well as lack of support for both moms and dads, more mental issues, social isolation etc
Such nonsense! Divorce is absolutely not incentivized. Sometimes divorce is necessary. Even if the wife chose the divorce that doesn’t make it easy. It’s ignorant to assume that divorce would be chosen for no reason. A woman shouldn’t have to stay in an unhappy marriage at the expense of her soul.
Why not advocate for ALL children? The message you are sending to struggling parents is that you will provide all these great services once they get divorced, but not if they stay together. What do you think will happen? At a certain point it is obvious that many people will choose the path with more benefits (plus, many women are tempted by alimony and child support)
You clearly are unaware of the reality. You think that the small amount of child support and alimony is enticing? If the marriage was a healthy marriage the women wouldn’t be tempted to leave.
Yes theres an organization in UK called Our Kids First who will help the kids of a divorcing couple on condition both parents agree to get divorced.If one parent wants to save the marriage or the couple is just separated they wont help.Mental!!!
Certainly not! Unfortunately neither gender is free of character flaws, mental illness, etc... experience does tend to show that it's far more often a man who's not going to stick around through the hard stuff to be the good husband and father than the other way around. It is a very hard world to live in and keep decent values. The awful values of the world come at and attack the men much harder. @@letsgettserious
