The Ultimate Autism and Executive Functioning Hack to Avoid Burnout? Focus on what’s important 

For me this sounds as important as unlocking the secrets of the universe!

I am self-diagnosed on the Spectrum at age 80 and happy to report that over time I have figured out every one of these strategies that you have so brilliantly described but now I have a better understanding of why I do the things that I do so thanks

For me, part of it is just daily maintenance to make sure things don't get overwhelmingly large. Doing 5-10 minutes of filing at the end of a workday prevents piles from getting super-big, and usually 5-10 minutes is enough to get through a full day's worth of stuff. Another thing I've realized is that sometimes when I'm stressed about all the things I need to do or am procrastinating on a particular project, I'm actually overwhelmed. And in those cases, I ask myself the question "what's the smallest next thing I can do to move this forward?" Sometimes it's just opening an email, bringing a dish to the sink, getting up out of my chair, etc. And once I've done that tiny small thing, it gives me the momentum to do the NEXT tiny small thing. (Read the first sentence of the email, rinsing off the dish, putting on my shoes, etc.)

I'm trying to do this more, but part of the issue is that I can't just spot at a glance the most important thing. If I have a doom pile of papers, I have to look at every single paper in order to know what it is. Also, I suck at prioritization. I can look at something and simply be unable to judge whether it's important. Everything feels important to me. I don't know how to cull, because everything feels important. It's why I write too much. It's why I hoard crap. It's why I can't organize my time and energy. My impulse is to do everything on my list. And if I can't do everything, I get overwhelmed, shut down, and do nothing. Because I can't decide which of the tasks are more important than the others.

As a bottom up thinker, I find it very difficult to shift into a top-down mentality. There's also a looming fear of missing something important

Some good tips here. On calls from unknown numbers, I've started ignoring them too. If it's important enough they can either send a text or leave a voicemail. 90% of the time they do neither.

Starting in my mid-late 40s I started being unable to rely on my memory for way too many things. Tthe first few times I forgot important things, I was angry and frustrated with myself. Fortunately, a friend showed me how to use the reminders on my cell-phone. I use them in conjunction with other tools to stay on top of things. One example is that I use a list on my phone for notes to myself when I'm away from home. But I have an alarm that goes off twice a week that prompts me to check the list! PS - Ahh, I didn't know I could access the recordings of past webinars. I will go take a look. Time zone constraints prevent me from participating in real time...

When sorting through piles or decluttering, someone on RU-vid said to ask yourself, “Can I live without this?” It was an epiphany which helped me clear out garage space for my new car. Zero sorting decisions involved. The same goes with cleaning out cabinets, pantries and closets: if expired, throw it out. No exceptions. Clothing that no longer fits, is considered expired.

Hello, this is exactly what I need today. I'm on leave due to burnout, and frightened to death about how I'm going to handle going back to work (and when). This is going to help, functionally as well as by helping me to describe these experiences and challenges with my coworkers. So thank you for the perfect timing🙏😊

We have to make decisions constantly. What helped me, was to identify what's important in my life. Do i need to continue contacts because it is expected to me? Do i like this or that? Since selfdiagnosed with autism, i allowed myself to say "no" to many of this. That was a real relief. And to get along with all my stuff, i store them in categories, that makes it easier. 😊

Anytime I question my undiagnosed autism status I can just watch your videos and have you word for word explain the issues in my brain. 😂 It really is nice to hear that my issues are not singular to me, and I love the "Doom Piles" term.

Well... ACTUALLY, I was holding this video in my browser tabs because I was feeling it might contain some really helpful information... And I was right after all!! I should have watched it sooner, but luckily this time I didn't just closed the tab which I would have done in other cases, and I find out that's your actual advice 😂😂. Love it, great advice and information Paul!!

13:50 I recently went through a 1 foot high stack of envelopes of mail this way. It consisted of mostly junk mail from 2018 to 2021 somehow (it’s 2024 now). It took 3-4 hours. But I did find a hand-made card from my son to me that I love. The top down approach sounds really useful.

I decided to throw out things this morning and now it seems so easy since I only have 4 boxes to sort through and I only have to look for the one or two things I really want to keep. Thanks Paul, Rozlynn

Great ideas! Thanks! I find that if it’s an unknown number and it’s important, they’ll leave a voicemail. If not, I don’t worry about it

I'm struggling through a lot of that this week, too! Yesterday, I was overwhelmed to the point where I couldn't do anything at all. Today, I responded to an email I put off for a couple of weeks. People always have grace for me, even my close friends when I dont respond to their text messages for months. I don't know why I get this way. But thankful for days when I get some things taken care of. Thank you for the help, Paul. I was only a little stressed while listening and trying not to think of my mental list. 🤪

Don’t ever stop Paul- you are so helpful- thanks friend

Can't watch now but will definitely come back to this!

I love this video so much, I think I need to rewatch it every day for a week until the solutions are integrated!

But hey, I had this video on my huge ”watch later” list, and I actually got around to watching it! That’s a win!

This just makes so much sense... my mind is actually blown, how did I not already do all these things!

Oh man! The Doom pile… The years of my life I’ve wasted due to this phenomenon. Thank you Paul for your work & super videos.🌟

Decide and schedule: when I have the spoons to make decisions, I make them. Then I just have to follow through at the scheduled time, which saves effort in the moment.

I check email at least twice a day and immediately delete things that I won't need. I also try and keep up with setting rules and have emails go into focused or other - other can basically all be deleted. Things I keep go into subfolders for different projects/aspects of life. There is no way I would just delete emails without reading them (unless it's obvious junk). Staying on top of email is a strength for me. I use my diary to remember everything about where and when I have appointments. There is no way I could hold that information in my head. Physical piles and boxes of stuff is an issue for me, I find all that decision-making difficult. I don't often know what is "baby" and what is "bath water" without a lot of consideration and time.

I’m recovering from burnout, and really want to avoid being in this spot as much as possible. So this is very timely. I’m not sure I’ll be able to apply it to my pictures, 😅but it’s a helpful reminder that letting unimportant things go is better than feeling stressed about it for months/years

Thank you SO MUCH Paul...carrying so much baggage can just really skew your thinking about...everything.

Yes. Executive function hack that has helped in the past AFTER I have done the most important thing of the day --I set a timer for a countdown of 30 minutes for the largest stack on my desk and I work solid to see how far I can get. I have trash and a save for now and a needs filed basket. On days when I have extra time and feel up to it I will spend 30 minutes on the needs filed basket.

Very useful video. Thank you. Your analogy of memory as being like a filing cabinet was a lightbulb moment for me as I realised what my equivalent is: tape loops, cassette collections, and recording studios - this is actually a useful realisation for me

Thanks Paul for helping out making life a little bit better

So much good content from your videos I'm glad I discovered you. Learning so many things about how I operate

This is super helpful for me. Thank you.

Paul - your videos are soooooo important.

Another extremely useful video. Many, many thanks!

There are a lot of eye opening points in this video. Thanks for these.

9:20 taping a list to boxes helps deciding if you should actually put this item in your box

Really interesting and insightful video. I apply some of what you said myself. But I learned some new stuff from your video.

Great information…thanks!

I love your videos so so much! Definitely gonna try this one

Thanks Paul. Great info.

This is a very helpful video, I've already watched it three times and wil watch it again. I'm in the middle of a huge project of sorting my stuff, because I want to move to a senior appartment with far less room than my current house. Thank you, Paul. 👍🙂

For me the trick is structure: the "emails hour" on a fixed day, fixed time in the calendar. Or for example take out my dog every day for a bigger walkie even when I'm dead tired. Not keeping structure would break the habit and habits are only cheap if you don't make decisions about them.

Excellent advice!

Probably the most useful video of yours(or anyones*) I’ve seen… thank you very very much. *other than park tools bike fixing videos.

This is so me with the emails, work & personal ones. Such a nightmare, need to chose a date to delete from & clear my inbox & my mind 🤯

I think your previous analogy in your very first RU-vid video about memorizing information is the best strategy. It is like a recycling process of the mind. I think in this respect the way to recognize what to ignore is to find material conscious aspects typically represented by noun words to get rid of and unconscious non material aspects to keep. Of course we have to process this in line with our values and beliefs too.

Thank you!

1:09 you undestimate my ability to procrastinate!

I found this video very valuable. I have tried this kind of top-down approach when organizing home but not as radical.

I have a pile from decades ago. My ex-girlfriend asked me why I keep it. Because these days, I just throw my old notes away when I have gotten stuff done. Now I understand: the pile is a reminder that I do not need to make any piles anymore ;-)

I started using starred emails as noting current action items, then I can easily see new emails to be filtered for keep/toss.

Good advice. The work around for emails is to archive other ones.

I NEVER answer the door unless I am expecting someone…and that is rare. I DO answer unknown phone calls, because one of my “hobbies” is messing with scammers’s heads.

Thank you! 🙏🏼🌷

I have an iPhone. In Settings you can program your phone to ring only if it's someone in your Contacts List. I did this because I was getting spam calls approximately every 15 minutes, and it was stressing me out. If it's something important, the caller can leave me a Voice Mail. Just be sure to not let your Voice Mail box become full by weekly deleting all the old messages. In the rare instances where I'm waiting for a call from the lab or my doctor, or I've decided not to wait on Hold and have a company call me back I can turn off this function. It's wonderful : )

I have a deathly fear of not having anything to do, so I keep tons of unfinished things around me. I work constantly and get a lot done, but my life is stressful and I fret a lot about all the things that need to be done. I procrastinate over the most important things and focus on other things as a form of avoidance. I enjoy working on things to avoid other things. I alternate between things that need to be done, each getting its turn at being the fun thing and the avoid thing. Silly, I know, but I figure as long as I'm always getting things done, and I am usually working on what I "want" to, I'm ok. Forcing myself to work on the things that are most important is miserable work, but I do it as necessary. Eventually, everything on my to do list will become the fun thing I can throw myself into with gusto and I do very much enjoy completing tasks, except for the disappointment it is done and the brief fear of not having something to do until I tackle the next thing.

Omg, this video is literally me. With the boxes and old papers. I didn't know this was an autistic trait, I just thought I was lazy and messy, as my mother always told me.

i wouldn't be able to ignore my wondering thoughts from having had ignored someone knocking at door ,which helps me save time in the long run knowing the reason for that individual to knock. i have autism but also am highly curios person ,so for her if she doesn't have those kind of thoughts then it makes sense for her situation to ignore. thx for the tips btw.

thank you. I just erased some thirrty more emails pending, waiting, from the past ten days. it is a small start, yet it is a start. 🙂

cool video mate

Happy pride month everyone 🏳️‍🌈 For anyone that needs it you are loved, seen, and valid In your identity. Out of the closet or not. Be proud to be you!

I don't have doom piles! *Looks to the right at a pile of probably maybe important mail* *Turns around and sees a stack of todo lists* *Goes into office and sees stack of paperwork from a recent doctor visit, stack of important documents for something I need to do eventually, and my stack of notebooks I use to track info for work.* Oh.

I like and recognize the content of this video. But it still fills me with dread when I consider being better about filtering out information/things. xd Welp... xD Except for the last advice - which I already do at work to not burn out (too fast xd). Really nice and good video! Thank you for it!

Great!

This is funny, I haven't answer the mobile (unknown number) for years, and have set the mobile to filter most of those calls, so now even thought it shows me missed calls, it doesn't ring! My inbox is almost empty, I save a few emails in folders, but every few years I delete old emails from those folders. This is what you mean when you say we're all different I guess. Oh, and I also don't answer the door if I'm not expecting anyone. I've missed a parcel or two, but that's not the end of the world. For me is really more annoying to answer the door if I'm busy or having anxiety. Edit: I don't delete photos. I have tons of photos, and I don't care XD

If I have a big life problem/stressor, I can’t sort information effectively or make good decisions in any other area of my life. I think it might be a monotropic thing? I can’t switch away from one big priority so focusing on the most important thing for that day means other really important stuff (as there’s more than one priority in life at a time - e.g. health and money) doesn’t get done and creates more problems. Don’t know how to get around this.

I do this kind of thing more and more instinctively in the last years since the lockdown. I left all social media, y never answer the door, neither the phone if I don't know the number. I have always the volume off and not disturb mode on, and sometimes I even block notifications of things like WhatsApp so they don't disturb me. I also always give the phone number and email of my partner or mother when it's something important. Since I don't want the stress of having to be checking all the time to see if I'm called or emailed. I know this last point makes me lose independence, but for the moment I have enough to deal with and I prefer it that way.

Really important here..... My approach evolved over being online since the end of the 1970s, mostly in the 80s and early 90s. I noticed my email tool features a hierarchical tree feature. Messages can be sorted by many criteria into different branches of the tree structure. So I work with a pre-sorted list usually closely related to importance. I can then chew away at email one branch at a time rather efficiently. I context switch poorly. So this minimizes such context switching. (Yeah, sometimes that misfires. The world is like that.) In some folders I systematically read messages in the order received. I *never* go back to look at context the correspondent trimmed off. I skip the message. It takes too much time to go back to look for context and critical data hidden in it. And some lists I am on get a bulk delete if I do not see an interesting topic. That is an advantage of presorting the email. These days (80+ yo) that is most of my social interaction. No X. No Meta. No Twitch. No whatever it is you piddle with. They just don't work with me. Um, I also don't like "forums". Their for(u)m gets in the way of communications. {^_^} Troglodytes R us. Yeah, I really am a hermit.

For emails I just do it immediately. I look at my mail a couple of times a day and just delete stuff. If I need to respond, I respond immediately. I do have a To Do map, but that is for mails I need to get an answer from someone or ones that I don't want to delete right now, but are needed later (like a coupon when I go to a store)

My intercom (I live in a flat) is on silent and my smartphone is on 'do not disturb' and silent mode. I only switch on an alert when I'm expecting something important. At work I prioritise according to importance and energy levels. Like today, I still had some things to do, but I got a call just 2 minutes before a meeting I was going to and the call lasted 15 minutes. It doesn't happen often, but this client was a female high pitched rattler and had a serious problem. I passed on her question to a different department for a call-back since I can't look into this particular issue myself. A female high pitched rattler that is in a panic mode and won't stop, is very overwhelming to me. When I got to the meeting, I was too overwhelmed and tired to participate actively. After the meeting, I needed a longer break than usual and I've had to put off a few things. I'll try to do one of these things tomorrow before a course that lasts from 09:00 till 16:00 (with breaks and lunch provided so I don't need to bring that). That is just one thing that I think cannot wait till Thursday, when I'm probably still tired and it's an office day with meetings. I'm like, I'll do what I can manage and put the rest off till the next day which depends on urgency triage. I know people can't help the way they are and during high stress, people need an answer or a reassurance. I get all that, but sometimes I just want to live in my own world. And I might just do that if I win a lottery. Move to the country side, have an awesome veggie garden and build a fish room. I'd really like to have like a 4 m tank with blackwater and just cardinal tetras. I also always have some marked emails I am supposed to respond to or something. But on occasion, I just go through them, consider if they're still relevant. If not I remove them. Years ago, I did an online course time management. But such courses are really much more suited to neurotypical minds because my mind doesn't work like that. but what I did pick up from it is how to prioritise and that has helped me a lot. Looking back at my uni days, I think things were going too fast for me and I expended a lot of energy trying to keep up. That would explain why I had such difficulties because you're expected to complete three courses every trimester and you don't get the time to process the books and do the assignments. So you're on the run constantly or you're playing computer games all day because you're just too tired. It was actually fortunate for me the Dutch universities were switching to the current Bachelor and Master system (before you had to complete a full 4-year course in my case to get a 'doctorandus' degree) so I could settle for a bachelor's degree after 8 years of struggling without fitting support. I think a lot of people would benefit from a mostly online course with discussion groups for projects and exchanging feedback.

For emails, I have started going through bit by bit, flagging any that NEED responses and archiving anything I’m done with. I try to leave with a mostly empty inbox or at least have everything flagged or categorized. Archiving helps because my inbox is all pretty much still there in the back I just don’t have to look at it

All too relatable…

I not only don't answer my phone when I don't recognize the number, I also block the number. In all the time I've done this I only know of one person who I did that to that actually mattered instead of answering. It was a scheduler at my doctor's office and no harm done.

DOOM piles, so scary! oh yea, I got doom galore

feeling personally called out, but not quite ready to let go of the thought haunting me for months about sorting my 23K or so pictures on my phone yet😔

Unknowing numbers is in the uk can be mental health services and social services so I pick up

These things seem so scary to me. My brain just takes a little bit more time to process and I've had people take advantage of me by simply acting urgently. Now I don't trust myself to know when something is actually important. It's so frustrating because I feel like any time anyone says something to me I need like 5 min to respond in a way that is not just a knee-jerk agreement or making it a doom pile item.

I have been known to hide myself when people turn up outside my house unannounced 🙈 Phone ringing also induce a guge stress responce, hate it and do not answer if I don't know who is calling. My friends know not to call or just turn up at my place.

9:39 I though you were going to say "throw away the baby" 😮

OMG my entire home is a doom pile.......save me!

Do you have any strategies for parents to avoid overwhelm? When it comes to work or my social life, I have no problem prioritizing. But for ex if I’m trying to cook dinner quickly before an appointment AND I get an important phone call AND my children are asking me questions all at the same time, it’s incredibly disorienting and my brain will short circuit.

Paper bag labeled sort me from a year ago ... amongst other accumulations

Regarding emails, I find I can ignore a lot of emails if I just briefly check the subject, most emails that get sent these days are things like receipts, reminders and such that either don't need direct action, or convey all required information in the subject and the body is just a waste of time

I pick up all calls because I am not that busy, and a couple times recently it was an important call for someone else but the caller mis-dialed. But I get very few spam calls and in the US legally spam callers must put you on their "do not call" list if you ask them to.

I don't delete really any of my emails. I just move them into a folder for that year when I've either dealt with them or just declared email bankruptcy and moved them anyways. These days, email storage space is so cheap, that there's no real reason not to keep all of them. I can always use the search function to identify the ones that I'm interested in later on.

I always hang up on unknown numbers, and I google the number and then I can call back if it was important. and Ill be more prepared for the conversation..

It makes it clear to me, but I know I already did know this, but I don't know how to apply it properly, it is so hard

I found instructions that my phone will automatically send unknown callers to voicemail without informing me. So if they leave a message i know it was important but i dont have to question if i should pick up or not.

❤

Note that this is similar to the KonMarie method - because they are similar, it means they operate from a common truth.

My wife picked up my phone one time when somebody called. And I think the guy may have had dementia, because he'd call multiple times a day and leave personal messages on my voicemail clogging it completely, and I wound up having to block it. The whole thing was kind of sad as the person he was trying to get in touch with hadn't had my phone number in at least 15 years as that's how long I'd had the number.

If I deleted all my work emails that are more than 3 days old, I would probably get fired 😂 I often ignore phone calls though - I think if they want something from me, they can email me. I don’t have the time or patience for small talk. In my personal emails it’s a different story - I have emails that are months or sometimes years old.

My advise: do NOT delete emails. ‘We’ are often at a disadvantage when it comes to office politics and keeping emails has often helped me to prove that I did all I could to warn people about things that were going wrong way before they started accusing me of being the cause of the eventual failure.

If I can’t decide between a couple of important tasks: I complete them in any order for a specific amount of time. (Normally 30 mins) Then it’s easier to make a decision about which task I want to duplicate and work on for another 30 mins.

If my landline calls I pick up the phone, but I don't say anything. Most times the line is totally quiet or cuts off.

Even if it's a spam call, if I'm not busy I like to hear what it is, might be funny to troll a scammer.

May be a little off topic, but anyone have tips for reducing internal dialogue and the feeling of needing to be understood? I’ve been struggling recently with explaining my autistic traits and experiences to imaginary people in my head. It gets me no where but when it starts it’s hard to stop.

I'm autistic from the inside 💠

I never pick up if I don't know who it is. If it's important, they can leave me a voicemail. I get rid of emails almost as fast as I get them. Got no time for clutter, virtual or otherwise.

I’m guessing mail works differently in Australia in USA they will just leave the package on your door and you risk it being stolen if you don’t answer

It’d be great if it was the post office... Some courier company once tried to (or rather pretended to) deliver me a package, they pretended I did not respond and I ended up having to spend FOUR HOURS to pick it up from their warehouse in the middle of nowhere. I basically wasted the entire day because they refused to even tell me what their hours were so I had to assume they close at 5. I hate courier companies so much