The problem in our society is that everything is planned around work. A friend once did a time managrment course (intended to prevent burnouts) and she learned to plan the breaks first and work and other thing around the breaks!!! It's my experience that's it's best to accept the difficulties that autism brings and try to work with them instead of fighting them. How hard a blind person tries to see it won't happen, but he/she can learn to live with it by using helpful tools, etc. When I was getting a burn-out (a long time ago at work) I skipped my hobbies first. The burn-out than got really bad, because there was no compensation things that I enjoyed) anymore that kept a balance between work and relaxing.
Poeple act like I can go off by myself for 10-20 mins, recharge, and come back but I find it’s better to go and go and go until I’m empty and then just leave.
I really like a good, quiet break to recharge, but more like an hour rather than 15 minutes. This is especially true if I am feeling overstimulated or otherwise overwhelmed. Particularly, I like to have a quiet lunch and read a chapter of a book. Then I'm refreshed and ready to come back for the rest of the day.
Yes, thank you! It's so important to me that people bring this up, because in mainstream media people always label this as toxic or you're overworking yourself. Unfortunately I believed those people, not knowing that my brain works differently than neurotypicals. Btw Paul mentioned this in one of his videos (work > crash > rejuvenate etc). I forgot the actual terms he used but it really resonated with me. My only regret is I wish I knew this sooner (also doesn't help that I was late diagnosed).
Same. I literally just stand up and start saying my goodbyes and people ask why and I literally say “I’ve run outta gas I gotta go home and sleep now! See ya!” 😅 (my friends are kind)
This video was very valuable, and validating for me. I realized 2 years ago that I have autism and ADHD, I'd just moved into a new apartment with 3 roommates. I didn't have my own room, slept in a closet, and my computer was in full view of the entire house. I had no privacy other than the bathroom and my closet, and one of our roommates was a brand new person that I still don't particularly like to this day. I could barely do anything. I'm a freelance artist, and I had a massive backlog of owed work at this point, and was utterly unable to do any of it. I could only do quick, cheap little doodles. My mom was kind enough to pay my rent for me while I resituate myself. Over the last 2 years I've been trying to make my immediate space more livable. I've added a blackout curtain, I have wireless headphones now, I have a fan for when its too hot, I moved my bed out here because the closet was too hot. Ear plugs, more blankets, got a blackout curtain for that roommate too. (giving him more privacy gave me more privacy, sometimes buying things for my roommates helps me too) I have a light, so that I can indicate when my "door is closed" despite not having a door, by turning setting it to be red, so my roommates know when not to come in. I've basically been doing these little doodles, the bare minimum I can muster, paying back a commissioner from my backlog, then buying myself a couple new things to make my space more livable, then refunding a commissioner. Doing that back and forth for a year and a half, slowly getting everything done. I recently started being able to actually finish larger projects and I draw more often now. I'm still not done, but I've felt immense guilt any time I buy myself something. This video will help me feel a little less guilt when improving my space. I'm improving my work capacity with every thing I do that makes my space more livable for me. I feel like I've actually been doing the right thing.
Congratulations, sincerely.🙂 And welcome to the Implacable Ox Club! I thought I was the only one here, but glad to know we are more. Hopefully knowing that you are an Implacable Ox (Slow, but Unstoppable. Also stubborn) will relieve some of the guilt over not being "fast(er)", leaving behind only the annoyance that you're so danged slow. But when you feel annoyed, it helps to remember that that's the nature of an Ox -- it's just slow -- and love it for being what it is, and celebrate that, even though it's slow, you can absolutely count on the fact that _it _*_will_*_ get there_ .... because it's an Ox. An Implacable Ox. Welcome to the club💛 !🎉😀
This. This just describes everything right now. You’re entirely right, recovering from work is work, not rest. I’ve had to spend whole weekends recovering from work at times and then there’s just no time for the things I want. If I do the things I want I end up feeling further in the ground. Working out what’s causing it to be so hard would be nice. I know working from home has helped as it’s less talking and less ad hoc meetings but it still doesn’t feel like enough.
This popped up in the middle of a conversation I'm having with my girlfriend... about how we're both SO burnt out right now. Can feel a bigger burnout coming. Just too much with work, new coworkers, new social situations, bills, doctors visits, everything! It all feels like too much sometimes for both of us.
💜 I can relate. Doctors visits are especially draining, even in anticipation of them. Whenever I start to get overwhelmed by everything and begin catastrophizing, I have to take a step back and write down exactly what is stressing me so I can hopefully find ways to deal with that thing better and new ways to cope.
How does one address the burnout when chronic illness consumes most of my energy, and I'm desperate to feel well enough for long enough to socialize? I feel despair-levels of lonliness on my worst days, so isolated and alone.
This is me now too, I have autoimmune, chronic pain etc and diagnosed AuDHD within this past year. I'm in a burnout state, huge meltdown panic attack this morning, I feel like I'm trying everything to no avail
@missemrbf I have been similar in the past. One of the things that helped is an infrared sauna at home - drinking lots of water, making sure it's hot enough I sweat for at least ten minutes, showing right away after. Only doing it every other day. It's exhausting for a week or so but helps Soooo much overall. I know that's out of most people's access though. I wonder if laying in the sun and sweating would do the same thing since it also has infrared.
Find ways to socialize that are less draining. Invite someone over to body double with and just exist in each other’s company. Join hobby groups where you share genuine interests with people and you can let down some of your mask around. These are just ideas, I struggle with getting out due to chronic pain so I understand it’s difficult. Wishing you easier days ahead. 💜
I'm currently recovering from burnout#2, so far what has been successful at gaining ground on it are: getting rid of all stress; sleep, sleep and more sleep; and getting outside for a gentle walk in nature. I'm about to get more serious about diet and nutrition. There's still a long way to go to be back at functional; and the socialising that Paul talks about is utterly draining; the unmasking not possible at work as it will just make the bullying and ostracisation worse. I've taken time off work, and I'm not sure about how to go back to it without getting trapped again in the cycle of work and recovery, and more work and recovery. There maybe a career change ahead but I don't have the energy at present to plan that. When my health improves a bit more I hope to get back to a small social life - I'm thinking about seeking friends that are more likely to be neurodiverse, like at a chess club or D&D or you might be surprised at swing dance which I used to do before covid times, and I suspect the orderliness of the step structure and lead-follow is comfortable for us, and they play the music at moderate loudness, as there were a lot of IT workers and quiet types at the classes.
this is so important! also, _you procrastinate_ because you associate the activity with the compromise you think you cannot do it without (masking for example) deep down or perhaps quite explicitly _you're aware_ that more recovery is a trap as it only leads to more work - that you could really do without for a while now but then realizing a way you _can_ do the activity without making compromises eliminates the inner resistance! granted, it's easier said than done, though it's not a problem to be overcome by force, but a creative challenge to invent a solution for ~
Reading through the comments so far, I found myself resonating to a lot of them, even some that seemed almost contradictory. This is because at 63, I've felt each of them at different times and places in my life. I don't profess to have all of the answers, or any of them for any particular person, because the answers will vary. They will vary from person to person, they will vary over time for each person, and they will vary according to each situation and environment. There isn't any one simple, permanent solution that I have ever found. If anyone else has, please do share it. 😉 The idea of seeing recovery as part of work doesn't quite work for me because my brain gets all tangled up in arguments with myself over what words do and don't mean. Damn it! The idea itself, though, that just zoning out & vegging when not working often doesn't lead to boosting energy rings very true. If it's going to work at all, then it will do so fairly quickly, within a few days or weeks. If it doesn't after a few weeks, it's not going to. Continuing to do what doesn't work is an exercise in futility, although it may feel as if that's all we have the energy for. For myself, it's much easier to work as long as I can maintain my flow to the completion of each task. Then swap to a different type of task if possible. Variety helps, but attempting to multitask doesn't. I can no longer maintain long bursts of energy, but could when I was younger and healthier. The situation at university was similar for me, although school was different and much more difficult. Uni was sometimes madly busy and/or stressful, but on the whole I thrived there. Why was that? It was a structured environment with constraints and expectations that were clear. But I'd chosen subjects I was interested in, I had a chance to deep dive and focus, but also to experience new things, new ideas, meet new people. It wasn't perfect, I not infrequently struggled, but that combination of structure and variety worked for me. Validation helped too, with good grades and successful interactions and so on. I actually felt good about myself for a change. I've been much reduced in recent years, and now find myself isolated and living a much smaller life. There are certain aspects of that which I enjoy, and some are inescapable due to age and poor health. Others, though, are self-inflicted and on closer examination may not have been good choices. Making good choices isn't easy, and sometimes there aren't any good ones, so you just have to choose the least objectionable one. Finding those things that recharge us better, that bring fun, that leave us tired but feeling good instead of tired and utterly drained takes thought and effort. I've certainly let many things slip, and shall have to consider what options are available to me. Thank you, Paul.
I wish I had known this years ago. I realized I was autistic about a year ago when I was in my early fifties. Until then, I took high pressure, status driven jobs out of family and peer pressure. I never understood why my health deteriorated, as well as my ability to deal with people well.
Agreed, this applies to a lot of people. When we were kids, various factors discouraged us and our families from acknowledging the elephant in the room. It's quite the revelation when we discover what the elephant is and how it's affected every part of the complex system of our being.
Im 35 yo. I started to work at 26 yo. But these are high profile demanding jobs. While i made my family very proud i have burnt out severely and triggered auto immune disease. 😢
Everyone including you talk about buckets but just like someone else said about a well, I'm better off just leaving myself in the well because there's not enough energy in me to climb out of it. I have a good 4 to 5 hours at a time and then I'm absolutely DEPLETED. Naps help but my life becomes a total mess when I'm not allowed it. 😭
Cannot believe it, this video is like a reply to my most important unasked question! Burnout (and masking, which you mention here as well, and I also would put them together and the pair makes me feel completely powerless) is my BIGGEST current struggle and what you are saying really speaks to me! THANK YOU so much! 💓
When I worked 5 days a week I got burnouts with increasing frequency until I got diagnosed with autism and realized that was behind the repeated burnouts. Having watched this video, I realize that working 5 days a week actually meant I spent 7 days a week "working", because the entire weekend would go to recovering from work (and household chores and other responsibilities. I don't really get burnout from work, I get burnout from *life*). I currently work 3 days a week, recover for 2 and then I still have 2 days to actually do things for myself, which seems to help me a bit. (Too bad this 3-day thing is not only a temporary measure but also financially unsustainable in the long run, so we'll see what happens when I can no longer do this. I predict another burnout.) Thank you for another wonderful video, it gave me a lot to think about!
Wow, I've had this same issue with full-time work my entire adult life.. but only diagnosed with autism this year. I assumed it must be because I'm lazy and just want to relax and do nothing at home.. I could only tolerate part-time/casual jobs that didn't feel like I was working all the time, but then financially less money. I've found doing gig work (e.g. food delivery like ubereats, doordash) has helped.. as it's flexible hours, not interacting with co-workers, don't need to mask much, and isn't as draining. It's not high-paying and can be a grind doing many hours or days, but works for me compared to a regular job. I'd suggest you try that too, even just on the side of your regular job.
I experimented with unmasking at my most previous job. I was called dumb, slow, easily confused, rude and told I had an attitude problem. I am very smart and kind to everyone, idk why this was people's opinion of me. Anyway, I was fired after 3 months.
I had such experiences too, some jobs have requirements that other people can meet easily, but I wasn't able too. I'm too slowly for it, for example working on the supermarket checkout was horrible for me, I had to leave after a week. But I had other jobs that was fine and that I was doing better than other people, for example jobs where I had to work alone and was able to focus on one set of tasks, for example working in a factory refilling a machine. I was getting very fast at this, because it's a repeating task, and there was not much social contact. This was the most relaxing work I ever had.
I had enough of working with people who, despite my politeness and good work, were very unpleasant to me or ignored me. I cannot do office "small talk" (gossiping, what you did over the weekend, etc.). I switched to doing very specialized research that I was qualified to do to avoid working with people. However, I didn't have energy or social skills to set up my own consultancy business...so, yet again, I worked in an office and went full circle to being disrespected and ignored. All my work experiences damaged me permanently due to constant anxiety from being in an office with people.
@@kittymetal186 exactly! My strengths would shine so bright, if only I didn't need to get people to "like" me first. I have zero masking energy left for this life, let alone the ass kissing required to be trusted to be left alone. Why can't people just let me take a test to prove what I know? Why do they expect me to tell them, doesn't that just set them up for people to lie about their abilities? So here we are, yet again, an autistic accommodation that would benefit EVERYONE and NTs insist on continuing to do things in the most inefficient way. They really just need to sit down and let us reconfigure everything I swear!
Thank you for this reframing of work time and recovery time. One thing I've noticed is that during my recovery time, even if I'm "just" lying in my sensory nook listening to samebooks, my brain is really busy processing all of the things that have happened since the last time I had a chance to recover. My brain IS at work!
Well that's very insightful, Paul. It makes perfect sense that you have more energy to do things when you're younger and as you take on more responsibilities and life becomes more complicated, the mental energy takes out some of the physical energy. Also as the body ages, it's less able to do things. In my late 30s, I would give myself a hard time for not being able to do as much as I previously could, but that was it.. the start of burnout.
"The more tired I am, the harder it is to rest." You complete nail the problem here. In those periods, I can't even focus on relaxing. Thank you for making this video. I admire that you make them because it must drain you a lot to be in front of a camera.
Paul - AWESOME thoughts. I wonder if you get this too, on top of it all: The burnt-out part of myself actually doesn't WANT me to achieve some enhanced level of recovery performance, habits, or whatever. Why? Because it CANNOT TRUST the "work conductor" part of myself to do exactly what you say, which is "spend energy efficiently" - or better yet, "spend energy conservatively." So my burnt-out self says, "Why should we recover better? You'll just use any extra energy we gain to push us even harder tomorrow. You don't give a s&%t about our limits, so no, I don't want you to get more fuel for your slave-driving." So maybe there's a trust-building process that'll take some time, i.e., we won't immediately get 100% of the benefits of spending energy more conservatively. Our burnt-out selves will need to see REPEATEDLY that we don't overexert ourselves before it can relax and get on board with improving how we recover, rest, etc. Paul, or others, does that resonate for you?
One tip from my therapist is to scan my body for emotions. Emotions are felt in the body - it can vary person to person, but for example being nervous might be felt as a sort of bubbling feeling in the stomach etc. Autistic people often experience alexithymia, where detecting and naming emotions can be more difficult. So to recognize what one is feeling helps to process the emotions (it would be best to do this scan frequently). Just focus on your whole body: the face, neck, stomach, feet, ... and think if you notice something. Then you an think about why you are feeling this emotion, even if you recognize some earlier events that have triggered the same thing, and if you are really experiencing that thing or reliving an earlier event triggered by some similarity. Recognizing the emotions in the body even itself can already help to let go - the emotion did its task, notified you of something. And it can be a great gateway to processing some past events, too. So how is this related to burnout? Emotions building up, being left unprocessed contribute a lot to burnout. Not recognizing which things are burdening you emotionally also cause burnout. And finally, not processing the emotions throughout the day means that the emotions pop up when you're idle - that is, at bed time. Recognize the thoughts going on in a loop after a stressful day? Yeah, that's it. The emotions are saying to you "hi, I'm here, please pay attention to me". And the body scan actually helps me to process the emotions that I've ignored during the day and thus also help me falling asleep. Getting enough good quality sleep is also one key to reducing burnout. This is not a silver bullet and I'm still learning to use this method consistently (especially during the daytime), or when I get e.g. strong emotions that I recognize but do not fully acknowledge and process. Phew this was a long one, but hopefully helpful!
Yeah, this is exactly how work defines a whole life for people with low status. If you're poor, you stay poor, because all you do is work for survival. Like a slave. Because you are a slave. And it's like this for all of our history. It's neverending clasism and there is no coach work that can help you with it.
I need a good mix of solitude and intellectual stimulation to function properly. The worst professions i have tested are factory work, working outside with stuff like gardening and similar. It messes so much with my head and part of it is the extreme boredom coming from these jobs. Best jobs so far is in IT where i get to do things in a way that works for me. Around here, the IT field is friendlier to neurodiverse people than other types of professions i have tried.
I have struggled with this a lot. I don't recall if it was your suggestion, but I started asking myself (during work) "Ok, how much time can I spend on this." Instead of pushing and rushing. It has helped a great deal. Thank you for your work!
This is an awesome video, I find myself drinking way more when I'm stressed and it does no good! Choosing a better way to unwind can help me overall way more than the short term "benefit" of alcohol. I will look into other ways to rejuvenate in a more complete way. Thank you for the reminder!
I thought that the fact the environment is the real issue was obvious. Also, being away from people, and not 'hanging out' with friends, is what rejuvenates me. People (even though I love some of them dearly) are exhausting, energy consuming, confusing, and draining. I prefer spending time with animals and by myself. Giving my attention, time, effort and energy to another human is always intentional, purposeful, well thought out and very costly to me, unbeknownst to the individual in question. I get angry when random people at work monopolize my time & energy because then afterwards I don't have much to give to those few souls I actually enjoy listening to & spending time with. Work related environment is the biggest drain on my energy ever. It appears that the presenter is biased towards socializing at any cost. Some people simply don't want to socialize that much (masking or not masking) and prefer silence and solitude instead.
Also a very interesting take; thanks for your perspective on this. I find, almost every voice helps gain a clearer understanding of my own situation (am currently in burnout, trying to figure it out)...I notice that you shared that your work-environment is definitely the most draining thing, to you; and after watching the video, I'm left wondering, wether it may be due to the depletion from work, that you've simply not got any energy left to endure any kind of socializing at all... D'you think that may be the case? Obviously, I'm aware that I only have your single comment to go by, in terms of context, and that I'm surely missing quite alot of info on your situation, obvs'. But, as I noticed this, thought I'd ask to get your impression... Who knows, maybe your way of detailing your own experience might help me to a realization or an "aha", about my personal journey? Edit: "...Asking for a friend" 😉😏🤭😅
I do find that spending time with safe people gives me energy while being in a large group of strangers or unsafe people drains me. So, I limit being in places that drain me and strategically choose activities that give me energy.
@@Des-f1j I'm in that boat now and all I know to do is rest a lot and avoid energy drains as much as possible. Keep my blood pressure stable and do self care things like make sure I get enough sleep and water and spend time outside if I can. Go for a quiet walk if I can. Whatever will help regulate my nervous system and promote health. I've recently started taking a sublingual vitamin B complex and it's helping as well.
I live in Government Housing where I get Harassed and Intimidated by other Tenants and so I spend a lot of time and effort avoiding them which is really draining and burns me out! Then I am in bed for days with depression! This Environment is sooo wrong for me!
Oh! Work plus recovery from work ...is all work. Of course it is! I love the analogy of the watering can: it all makes sense now. And my environment is unnecessarily draining - although I am taking steps to make it less so (by trying to be as minimalist as possible, and have my posessions organised for my convenience).
that is all well and good, but what about those of us who are also totally depleted but also parents? i can't really parent in 'zombie mode', and it's unfair to my partner to rely on them to support me on top of the kid(s).
It's a no win situation if you can't choose a more suitable job or afford to give up work entirely. Either abandon your family or put up with it and hate your life.
Alright I'll just get rid of my 6 months of hayfever, the sounds of the highway and airport right outside my window, my CPTSD hypervigilance, my anxiety disorder, my gender dysphoria, my general sense of impending doom about the state of transphobia in the world, oh, and also unmask. No biggie. Jokes aside, this is a helpful way of thinking about it. It makes sense now why I can't have a job, yet feel exhausted, overwhelmed and burnt out a lot of the time, just because of having to do sh!t like visit therapists and cook food. My backpack is very heavy. But yeah I'm not sure how to fix this.
Thanks for another great video with really great explinations Paul. (just a little contructive critisism: the added sound effect were really triggering/jarring and made it more difficult to focus on your message. no need to "add the extra", your video is great without the added sound effects. ) 🥰🥰
I haven't been able to stop thinking about this video since I watched it last night. Here's the thing - what if 12-15 hours of work per week is just fine? What if we change our ideas of what pace is acceptable?
What is the difference between university, where you did well, and work? At university, you did a lot of different things during a day. Different classes, different people, different environments. Perhaps you need to find a job which is closer to an environment like university where you can do well.
A psychiatrist I follow said: burn out comes from having more choices to make that are not yours, instead of having choices that you choose to make. He puts it better, but if we must make decisions laid upon us by others rather than things we choose to do, it raises burnout levels. Make more "mundane" choices that you choose to decide on. Something for yourself.
I feel that you didn't answer how you managed to cope so well during school and university. While I don't know how it was for you, I can tell why university was relatively easy for me: much of the time I was expected to passively listen to lectures and during this time the expectations were extremely clear. During all these hours I was not expected to interact socially. So I was concentrating on just one thing, in a safe and very predictable environment. Practical excercises were much harder, not because of the content, but because usually we had to do them in pairs. This saved the professors time, because they had to review half fewer reports, also we needed less equipment. But the result was that I either ended up all the work for both of us, or doing very little - and either way felt very unfair. It was worse that they told that this was nessesary in order to learn to cooperate with other people. However, cooperation later in life is not sitting next to each other and doing every tiny part of an experiment together. Instead it means that one person does an experiment and someone else does something entirely different, and in the end you put both outcomes together. So from a didactic point of view this way of teaching was a complete failure.
This video shows me why I've essentially been burned out for the last 7 years. It's not just work and trying to navigate the dynamics of the workplace whether I'm masking or not. But managing chronic depression and what I do to consciously or unconsciously protect myself is another full time job in itself. And dealing with low self esteem and trying to learn to like myself and understand myself is another full time job. I can function at work because I have to, but in most other aspects in life, my ability to function has fallen of a cliff. The only time I felt relief was during the pandemic where there was no pressure to be essentially.
I have noticed that i never seem to get better at dealing with the neurotypical world. Every time my interaction with the neurotypical world increases i get worse in most areas like energy resources.
Just had in-laws here for daughter’s graduation. I was a non-stop machine in prep (staining fences/painting house/cleaning etc) for 2 months. Then came the weeklong visit and loads of masking. Everything was ‘perfect’. They left and I’m toast. My hubs just doesn’t get it. It’s summer. Time for loads of fun…and I want nothing to do with anything. I’ve been feeling so guilty. Thanks for this video!
That sounds absolutely exhausting! Summer is the time for loads of relaxation and sitting in the sun. Your husband doesn’t have to understand it to respect your needs. Please allow yourself to rest. 💜
Also considering diet to improve metabolic health is helpful. Plant based diet helps with energy. Fruit and vegetables especially… Autism is symptom of metabolic dysfunction so diet is something to consider
Thanks for the aha moment you gave me! It's very helpfull to understand why i got here.. and how I should look at the future and arange things to prevnet another time!
the most exhausting thing for me is hours of back to back meetings at work and having to go to office. if i don’t go to the meetings, I become a blocker to the work. I don’t know how to avoid it. I want to get a fully remote job, but the job market isn’t great, and i’m terrible at interviewing, especially the test taking, and i worry the work culture will be worse than where i am now
Thanks, that was eye-opening. I always used to think that my unsustainable methods of recovery like watching movies for hours was the reason why I didn't feel rested. And then I blamed myself for making the wrong choices when it comes to resting. Now, I see that I should have focused on not overwhelming myself with trying to do every task perfectly and prioritize my work time in a more sustainable way. That was helpful!!
This is such an important perspective for me right now - I can't even thank you enough for articulating the problem so clearly and the different ways of looking at it. I do need to change something, but I'm not sure exactly what... but now I have a better way of approaching the problem.
I found your article resonates so closely to what I am experiencing. I have only recently understood I may be on the autistic spectrum, so thank you for your insightful work. 😊
I savor the days that I am on full speed. I sometimes work when I have no energy. It is hard to be a human with autism. I usually do not feel well at least once or twice a week. I steer clear of people when I am in down times. Jesus helps. He replenishes my weary soul. The energy of most people generally do the opposite. Psalm 23 explains what He does. I hang on to Psalm 23 like a life preserver. ♥️🕊
This is exactly how my husband and I have been feeling and it feels like a hamster wheel. A change in environment…now that is something I am going to have to really think about. Not feeling like I can be myself is definitely draining but I do worry about how people would respond if I suddenly started being myself. Afraid of losing friends or respect…
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this (and props to the YT algorithm for serving it to me, not even too late🙂). I cannot be officially diagnosed for "reasons", but I can see for myself that I definitely fall in the overlap area of autism, ADD and C-PTSD, whichever is responsible for my symptoms. Because I "cannot" be diagnosed I am painstakingly picking through tips and assistance like yours and trying them if they seem like they make sense to me. Your video knocked down a *_lot_* of dominoes I've been starting to get a handle on, all at once. Thank you for answering so many of my questions about why it's so hard for me to get a handle on my situation, and for confirming that my instinctual idea (take off the mask, see and accept what is my personal easy/comfortable way to accomplish whatever, implement that, rinse and repeat about....well, everything 😄) was in fact the right track. I absolutely appreciate knowing that I can point myself in the right direction, even if I'm "lost in the dark", as it were.💛
Yes, that’s my case with caring for my home , kids, etc and and working from home. There’s no way out. Normally I feel exhausted and have no energy for new ideas and projects.
I have a question that is unrelated to this video: Could you maybe make a video about signs that people might ONLY have ADHD, and not ASD? Because I have been diagnosed with ADHD last year, and I fell down a rabbit hole about neuro-diversity, and I relate to a lot of the things you and other creators talk about but I don't know if it's just my ADHD or if I should maybe look into an ASD diagnosis. It takes a super long time to get an appointment, and I also don't want to make the waitlist longer for others if it ends up being nothing. So if you're interested in talking about some signs that point towards ADHD and not ASD, I would really appreciated, and I'm sure some other people would too!
Another great and insightful video. Recovering from work (and other tasks like chores, errands, grocery shopping, etc.) IS work. That blows my mind and makes so much sense at the same time. It really explains why I can feel depleted no matter how much recovery time I get.
Great videos! I love that you walked the Camino! I walked the last 100 km in 1999, been wanting to go back for the main route from France to santiago!!!
Love this. It’s hard to work out what to do about it though. Especially when you’ve made certain choices and now you have to live with them. I realised a lot of things about myself late in life. In the meantime I had married a guy who works incredibly hard and then needs a lot of recovery time. And we had four kids, two of whom have additional support needs for different things. Life is demanding. I love my family, but I am exhausted all the time and I am great at masking till I’m not. So I come across like Jekyll and Hyde. It’s very frustrating. I have definitely fallen into the trap of doing less, but not really feeling any better. I just wish I was normal! We went to a school funfair. It was supposed to be fun and a chance for the kids to hang out with other kids. Instead we were completely overwhelmed, and today is not very productive as everyone is burnt out. We went to speech and feeding therapy and the kids did badly as they were grumpy and tired even though they went to bed early. But it’s my own fault because I should have known the noise and craziness of a fun fair isn’t for us… but I always feel like I should keep trying and give things a go because maybe this time it will be different. Oh well…. Maybe one day I’ll get it all worked out.
I have definitely be caught in this trap. For years, and people don't understand this. I come across as lazy, and that makes me feel lazy, and that causes more stress that I furthermore need to recover from.
I gave up aikido a few years after I started working full time. Dojo sessions were in the evening and I also needed my brain a lot to consciously navigate my body through the exercises. That also seems to be an autism thing, having to be conscious of moving your body doing anything more complicated than simple walking. In time, whenever I did go to practice, I sat there on the tatami with my head completely fried. And my knees also started to suffer a lot from the pressure this martial art puts on it. Recently, I got an email from the reunion club of the students choir I was in and I am interested in doing a Mass in B minor from scratch this fall, but I'm so short on energy most of the time. I would love to sing this again but I'm also content to listen. I'm probably also passing up on a company party in October. It will be at the railway museum here in town which is a wonderful place. But I also know the old station hall has a lot of reverb and it'll pound my head. I can't be in there with a party going on. I'd probably find myself hiding on some old 'Koploper' or something and then crawl to my car and find my way home. I used to ride 'Koplopers' a lot as a student. Nowadays I prefer my car because of my own personal space and my own music. In stead, I pick more suitable 'battles' these days. For example: this November Heroes Dutch Comic Con and Vivarium ar the same weekend. One is a crowded and noisy comic con, the other an aquarium/terrarium fair. So I'm going to shop for aquarium supplies in stead of exposing myself to too much noise in a poorly ventilated environment. Will need to dress lightly because at Vivarium, temperatures are kept at mild tropical levels so the enclosures and tanks don't need to be heated (as much). But it's much more bearable and I was able to hold out till close to closing hour last year. (breakdown point when I had finally gotten through a drivethrough and found out the guy had misheard my order, but yeah, you don't go into the restaurant leaving live fish in the car without heating) As for the comic con, there has to be a very good reason for me to go. Like Peter Capaldi. I will suffer a crowded comic con for Peter Capaldi because he's my hero! And make sure I take a week off work afterwards.
PLEASE any tl;dw? I watched hundreds of these videos I cant seem to grasp what the advice is? Does anyone with ADHD also struggle with all these super long videos?
Since I was a child asking what’s so different about me, and why am I unable to communicate like, understand, or play with the other people/kids like everyone else. Trying to understand what’s so different, and what is it that I wasn’t getting. How is everyone else able to interact with each other, and do the whole back, and fourth interaction thing. Why am I in the corner by myself with some books while everyone else is interacting, and building little houses for the caterpillars while everyone else is able to do the whole interaction thing. What questions do I ask, or what words do I utilize in conversation to have a conversation, and make friends. Sometimes nonverbal, and not understanding those around me with a very extensive vocabulary for my age equal, or even more than that of the adults around me. Often very bored, very tedious in schools with such basic/boring knowledge. Wanting to learn something for once that I didn’t already know. I would sometimes be losing my mind at the sheer incompetency of adults, and for trying to explore the world around me locked into a little room by myself with nothing but a time magazine of the 10,000 year old mummy frozen in ice for hours as punishment for not being like the rest of the kids. I would be hit, isolated, ignored, and abused for being myself wanting to learn, and ask questions. Turned away from anyone who would be able to help me, meds kept away from me, religion trying to replace medical care, turned away from getting help from police, school counselors, medical care, any type of help, and even not allowed to speak about to Therapist’s whilst the first part of my life having to live in silence, controlled, or taken advantage of by many. Not even able to get legal assistance, or a social worker to help explain things to me in terms I’d be able to understand, keeping me quiet, complacent, and trying to dictate my life demonizing my conditions. Always trying to cure, abuse, cover up my symptoms of ADHD, and Autistic/Asperger’s was called gifted, or exceptional abilities in certain areas, while even receiving medical trauma being strapped to tables, and it being conducted in what was supposed to be just routine testing, and procedures whilst just being curious asking questions wanting to know what was going to be done to me. A lot of bullying going towards the adults who were supposed to be there to help me, but as soon as I was getting assaulted, and things became physical I fought back hurting 3 kids on the bus one day after just keeping to myself going about life. This was after a multitude of months of me letting people know what was going on, and I was the one to be punished. Even getting bullied, and harassed by adults as a child that just simply hated me for existing. Teen years I tried to end my own life twice, and once as an adult, but I ended up surviving each encounter. My handwriting isn’t the best so there was a feminist teacher who just inherently hated guy’s that would mark all of my answers wrong for not being able to draw a perfect dot even though the answers were correct. The bullying got worse by schools, counselors, medical staff, some law enforcement, police brutality, discrimination, and in home. There was no place that I was able to get help, be safe, or get any help, and answers. Just kept getting told I’m making excuses, later on learning that it was others making excuses for not wanting to help any, and expecting me to be normal as I was continuously harassed being made to feel bad for just existing not going along with whatever I was being told. Constantly being turned away from any sort of help, or assistance, and with heavy pressure from huge organizations like certain catholic groups being forced to be a certain way I would be forcibly isolated despite being a decent, kind, loving, caring, and understanding person. Some of the things you spoke about resinated with me, and not really knowing what to do during certain meltdowns unable to think, or process certain things during certain situations when the brain is overloaded, and is unable to even start to think about what to say, or do. Some people saw me as dangerous, a burden, or even a nuisance. I’m not a very buff dude, and have taken multiple classes in martial arts mainly defensive styles only, not being allowed to even know about my own conditions while trying to confuse me, or lie to me making certain assumptions, and like certain things it wasn’t. Constantly filling my mind with doubts, or trying to be sneaky, and really shady about things only talking in ways that were kind of the exact opposite of how my brain works. I’ll spare some details about a lot of other things that went on, but I’ve struggled so much to try to understand this world, have just been trying to survive, and learned to speak neurotypical to blend in out of constant fear. It goes back to a book from my childhood “Amongst The Hidden” plus “The Giving Tree” it’s like we have to be like everyone “or else” Autistic people being demonized for being different, and punished for just existing, not understanding the world like the rest, different thinkers, minds, unique, honest, and authentic. It was very strange having eye Dr’s, random teachers, addicts, certain police officers, raver’s, students, strangers, and random people throughout my life noticing certain things that the Dr’s, and Nurses wouldn’t even tell me, or noticed certain traits. Like all of these mental, traumatic, and neurological conditions were such a bad thing when I am not myself. Thanks for sharing your experience, and story by the way. What’s a way to go about this type of situation? I’m reaching out for help, and advice, but not really sure what to do about all of this. I know what was being done to me was wrong, and I’m just unsure who to go to about this anymore, or who I’m able to trust.
I am very burned out, and it would be much less difficult to watch this if it didn't abruptly change the subject 20 seconds in. The attention-grabbing sound effects while I'm trying to listen to you are also really difficult. I gave up on round 2 of the sound effects. Thankyou for your videos though.
I have a recurring bad habit of escaping into alot of different things, postponing important things and stuff that I need to do, or problems that I know I must solve, to shifting into becoming desperate and a control freak after having been in this escapism phase for some time. When i get in the control freak phase, I end up doing EVERYTING at once, trying to do everything that Ive postponed, emailing people, replying to messages, fixing stuff, cleaning my room, sorting stuff in my apartment, managing my folder structure on my computer etc. Its like I "wake up" from my esacape phase in extreme anxiety and realize "how overwhelmingly much" there suddenly is to do. In the control freak phase I try to solve every problem and change everything at once, only to end up whrere I started, on square one, because thinking that I can fix everything at once does in fact in reality fix nothing. When i start fixing a few things it feels good becayse I started to sort out all the stuff I need to fix, and I get some energy in the beginning, but then I end up super tired and stressed in the end of that day, because I cannot stop until "everythings checked of my todo list". The feeling I get when shifting to this excessive compulsive behaviour is that of a panic, like "if I dont to this, x or y will happen". It feels very desperate and its like I cannot think of what will happen if my plans fails or if cant control whats gonna happen. Its a repetitive toxic cycle I dont know how to get out of. Im thinking of possible doing much smaller todo lists like someone in another video suggested to have a daily todo list of only four things. maybe thats something I could try. But I sometimes end up writing these todo lists long anyways, and thats why I postpone things in the fist place. I think that I might be prioritizing wrong, maybe not excludiong non-essential stuff like you talked about Paul. Does anyone have this issue and what did you do to get out of this cycle?
I fall behind on my assignments when I go to the classes, but what matters more is doing exercises, as that is what I actualy learn from. So will work on skipping classes and study instead. Makes me stressed not to have been there, but the 2 hours on public transport and being in class masking is killing my energy badly, so I get nothing done the rest of the day D:
Can you make a video with tips for parents who are autistic and how we can improve our parenting skills while not burning out in the process? I am doing everything I can to make sure I do everything (parenting-wise) that is expected of a good parent, I have to take so much coffee my stomach hurts.Thank you.
This is so on point, thank you! It was just last week as I’ve started to plan things I really enjoy + plan the recovery time for it as well. Just work & recovery isn’t enough for me, I need to have some uplifting things in my life, too. It seems like the recovery time after I’ve done something I enjoy has more value as I’m filled with positive energy as well. I appreciate and value your work a lot. Thank you for all the effort you put in.
Ive been at my current job for 5 years now and the only thing that keeps me from total burnout is my seasonal winter layoff. I spend all winter “recovering”, by the time i have actual energy to start doing hobbies or use my executive function, its time to go back to work. I push myself for the next 5 months, accomplishing a lot of my goals at home but by july, i am so burnt out that i dont have energy for my special interests, socializing, or work. Every day is a struggle to get out of bed and drag myself to work. When i get home i cant accomplish anything beyond washing the dishes. I hate this. I dont have time or energy for my special interests but i die inside without them.
Mosques are a good place to get socialisation. You turn up, smile and greet each other, smalltalk is disliked, its normal to sit in a corner with a book and rude to be disturbed, is a grave sin to judge someone or speak behind their back (gossip leads to the fire!), its quiet, the prayer is like a short yoga class led by poetry, people will teach you arabic/world history/great philosphers at the drop of a hat (instead of gossip), if you have a problem they will listen and try to help as an instinctive or conscious act of worship, and as long as you don't reject God they care about you deeply enough to want to help your soul. If you don't like bars and clubs, try a mosque!
As I am writing this comment, I have been burnt out for months on end wondering when it'll stop. I am a 20 year old autistic guy who has been fired from all my jobs due to my autism and my burnouts that I have been consistently Having. I don't think I'll ever be able to have a job that I enjoy, live a normal life as I live in a village with just my mum who is uneducated about autism and says I do things as an excuse.
I can relate to this because I invest all of my energy in work. I'm trying to take my job more in stride, but it's not perfect, especially when I have a chaotic day like today. I've been trying to socialize more and am contemplating yoga and walking. Going to bed at a decent hour is a struggle, but I'm getting better at avoiding this. It all is baby steps.
I've just rewatched this, and I noticed something. You said you did fine at college, managed to do lots of things and didn't get as tired. The thing I noticed was that _variety_ was a large part of your time. Could variety be a key?
I find making sure I include working out as part of my recovery time helps immensely. It reduces my stresses and anxiety, while at the same time, increases my energy levels.
I think it can be true that I need to plan rest, particularly for my cognitive energy tasks (including enjoyable and fun ones). I need to spend time resting on purpose so I can think clearly enough to do any other cognitive task well, efficiently, and most enjoyably
I was working half time during burnout recovery. After a while, I had time and energy to do the work, and to live as well. Working full time I am having about the same amount of things done in work, but not much at home. And no energy to live...
I'm 70 years old. I only found out last year that I am an high-functioning autistic. I know that I mask. I only found out that is what that behavior is called when I started studying about autism last year. When I go out anywhere where I am apt to meet people I automatically put on my Happy Face. Because I am so old it is basically ingrained in me. I know I am doing it, but to behave in any other manner would take a lot more energy out of me.
I eat out instead of doing the cooking "work". I wash my clothes where the washing machine does the "work", and I give the ironing "work" to a service provider. I started doing that even before I knew I was autistic.
I'm coming out of a year long burnout. I wouldn't say that I have much energy, but at least I am able to get up and do things. It is really tough to find a place to fit in sometimes. I have been amazed to find that the majority of allistic people have little to no understanding of what Autism is, or how to interact with an Autistic person. There are little to no accomadations made for me by anyone, and sometimes I just don't have the energy to deal with it all. That's when I go into shutdown mode, and then I have to pick up the pieces when I come out of it. I picked an odd time to come out of it this time since I have a ton of things going on right now in my life, but I guess it was good timing.
Great video I have fibromyalgia as well as autism. One thing that keeps me from sitting in a chair and staring off into space for hours is timers. I allowed myself to sit down a while ago but set timer for 5 minutes
Ich danke dir von Herzen. Deine Art die Dinge zu Beschreiben ist wundervoll. Ich finde mich so sehr in deinen Worten wieder. Ich lebe mittlerweile von Kaffee, weil ich anders einfach nur noch in der Ecke hängen würde. Ich habe 4 Kinder, arbeite Vollzeit als Krankenschwester, erlebe immer wieder Ablehnung in sozialen Situationen und bin nur noch müde. Ich schaffe es noch nicht einmal mehr das Gleichgewicht zu halten zwischen Arbeit und Erholung von der Arbeit. Die einzige Zeit zum Aufladen ist die Zeit in der ich Geige spielen kann. Wie gerne würde ich den ganzen Tag Geige spielen. Und ja, auch laufen tut so gut. Raus in die Natur und Gedanken sortieren. Die Natur ist für uns da wenn wir sie lassen. Du bist ein wirklich schöner Mensch! Danke für deine Arbeit und deine Zeit die du uns gibst. Du Hilfst mir gerade sehr dabei mich besser zu verstehen (Verdachtsdiagnose mit 43) und so manches neu zu denken.
