My observation/belief is that Melbourne's existential conflict is this: It was built to be a Futuristic Sci-Fi Tech Dystopia; but it is ran by people who are Nostalgic Folklore & Nature-loving Utopians.
WTF is happening with Aussie Cossack ? Busted by the AFP for exposing a pedophile ?? Citizens exposing corruption get locked-up & pedophiles getting all the protection... Is that the new definition of democracy !!! ??
I grew up in Adelaide thinking we had a rivalry with Melbourne. It wasn't until I moved to Melbourne as an adult I realised that rivalry is in Adelaide's head and Melbourne is completely unaware of it
@@PandaKnight52 Except Sydney does engage. Every time I see a Melbourne v Sydney thing the comments are full of people from Sydney saying what a dump they think Melbourne is. Whereas in Melbourne no one cares what so ever about Adelaide
@@Jordan-288 Sydney engages with a reply., Its very different to the typical Melbournian approach... Ive never had an issue with Melbourne, well, except the weather... So yes.. Im with Panda. As im from Sydney I totally agree... as would most people I know.
As a Melbournian, I feel the need to clarify, we weren't trying to become London, we were trying to become Paris, don't ask how we fucked it up so badly, we don't know either
As someone who has only ever lived in Darwin, all I have to say is, obviously they were boogie boarding in the drain during a monsoon because you wouldn't be able to boogie board at a beach during monsoon season because you would be instantly murdered by a box jelly fish and if all of that fails you will probably be eaten alive by a saltwater crocodile
The ferris wheel gets better. It's outside of the ABC building. You can't take good picture of the ABC building in brissy without either the 7 logo on the wheel behind it, or in the reflection of the windows.
I lived in a small town exactly half way between Bendigo and Ballarat. Used to flip a coin to choose which Bunnings I needed to go to. The only difference I can tell between the two towns is that one of them seems to have marginally wider streets and has a slightly flatter topography but I can never remember which one it is….
All of that part of Victoria is flat as a tack. The mallee above also has to be the flattest place I've seen. Just nothing but flat as fuck farmland for ages
Lucky, the neck beard I was seated near stank like a dead horse, just a visible vapour of crotch rot, shit, weeks old sweat, and mixed with whatever debris they roll around in. Tshirt and trackies, the most *airy* of clothing choices.
Ah, Brisbane! - land of the corporatised oompa loompa and bland-loving vacuous elite who don't approve of corruption and bigotry, but do so love to reminisce about the pre-nighties era and how...ehem... quiet and orderly it all was... It's a place where you can still hear the old folks say, "I know Jo did a few things I wouldn't agree with, but..." It's a come-as-you-are casual place - as long as you aren't from Ipswich - or anywhere further South or West; its for those too perocial (none dare say self-important an inbred) to know where other capitals are, or who naively thought they couldn't afford Sydney or Melbourne and believed Brisbane would be safer, and less likely to turn into a giant labyrinthian carpark of wannabe well-born bogans, too cashed up and self-important to consider living anywhere rural, and too in love with drive-thrus and weatherboards turned into winchup concrete malls housing JB hifi and bunnings to look elsewhere in the world. Its THE place for those who like humidity and muddy rivers, or just for those who love qld but couldn't quite admit to being shallow enough to enjoy the gold coast. It's the city that doesn't mind what colour or you are... as long as you're not a bikie, don't look too dark, and aren't too hairy, too tattooed, or something like that... FJ not being able to properly criticise Brisbane is evidence of not spending enough time to notice any of its flaws... it has none of course... because that would be dangerously close to character. It's a place so boring you wish your neighbours were hipsters and "neck beards" (etc) because although they don't have a type (they really do) their lives are so dull that even hipsters seem genuinely interesting. Brisbane: all the self importance and self-love of Sydney or Melbourne, just without the character. 😂👍
*_"...It's like everyone else evolved from Chimps, but in Perth everyone evolved from Bonobos..."_* I want this on a goddamned t-shirt. I don't think I've ever heard a better backhander of a compliment.
I lived on the Gold Coast for a decade and I’m still not over the really weird extreme dichotomy of theme parks, beaches and family fun with strippers, drugs and nightclubs that’s only differentiated by night and day. It’s like having our very own shitty slice of Floridian pie.
I love how the totally different scenes share the same space. Like Cabramatta: vibrant family-friendly Vietnamese community by day, junkie wasteland by night.
As someone from Brisbane, the big shit thing is the traffic. Every fucking street is narrow and windy or a 4-lane main road, or somehow both at the same time. Oh yeah there's also the fact that once every 5-10 years that murky, shark filled river decides it's time for the city to go full Atlantis, and flips a coin for every person to decide if they will be homeless or a member of Clean Up Australia month.
BrisneyLand: "The happiest place on Earth." Sydney: "Where a hedonistic global gay capital meets world leading greed." Melbourne: "Where existential dread vies with the AFL for religious dominance." Adelaide: "Fear and Loathing on the edge of a desert." Perth: "Where the economy is really just a hole in the ground." Darwin: "Where the only thing more punishing than the climate is the wildlife." Hobart: "What happens when cousins have sex." Canberra: "Where bureaucracy on drugs is more than just a way of life." Newcastle: "Home and Away on Meth." Wollongong: "Home and Away: The bogan version." Byron Bay: "Comfortable, calming and spiritually enlightening as a multi crystal suppository." Bathurst: "Doing our part for raising the national road toll for that one day every year." Geelong: "Why just only eat shit when you can live in it too?" Bendigo: "Breaking Bad for Melbournians seeking a more rural religious alternative." Mackay: "Hobart with extra dollop of racism." Townsville: "We gotta big red rock and a NRL team." Cairns: "We got rainforest and a NBL team." Gold Coast: "Where the only thing more fake than the tourist attractions are the inhabitants." Sunshine Coast: "We are Hobart with a better climate." Launceston: "Our cousins are more attractive than Hobart's."
Brisbane is and always will be the little country town that tried to grow up. The roads and drivers are testament to that. You can go almost anywhere and bump into someone you know. Happens every few weeks.
An experience I had visiting my aunt in the Gold Coast was when I was wearing a Qld Maroons jumper and one guy insulted me and another guy ended up picking a fight with the other bloke and continued fighting whilst I walked away
Port Macquarie: A slice of suburbia in the middle of nowhere, home to 50% retirees and 50% teenage delinquents. Enjoy the Koala Hospital, where you can have fun trying to find the dying koala which DOESN'T have chlamydia
Canberra: it’s just like a museum staffed entirely by public servants. Top attractions: the Australian war memorial, the national museum of Australia and ‘cunt mountain’ AKA Parliament House.
Lived here for 12 years and I'm still not sure where the National Museum is. Good place to live if you like nature and occasional Kyrgios sightings (he threw a basketball at my brother in highschool and didn't apologise the cunt).
You not having anything bad to say about Brisbane makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. So let's fix that by talking about Maryborough, Queensland (not the inferior Maryborough in Victoria). 3 hours to the North, Maryborough has one claim to fame. PL Travers, author of Mary Poppins was born there. She was so ashamed of this she blatantly refused to talk about the town until her death. Now there's a dedicated set of Mary Poppins traffic lights and a bronze statue of Mary Poppins in the CBD of Maryborough. Maryborough was going to be the capital city of Queensland, but the Mary River was too shallow. There's a giant statue of Ned Kelly holding a shotgun guarding the southern entrance of the town in Tinana, and it holds the dubious honour of being the only place in Australia that ever had an outbreak of the bubonic plague. Now it's so fucked by climate change that it flooded twice in the span of a couple of months earlier this year. It also once held the title of most pubs per capita of any town in Australia, and they even used to hold a city-wide Pub Crawl where you had to visit 10 pubs in like 6 hours to go for a Guiness World Record for the world's largest pub crawl. Eventually they scrapped this because they realised Maryboroughians shouldn't be encouraged to drink more than they already do. (Fuckin BUNDY RUM MATE). Anyway, that's where I was born and raised. MARYBOROUGH!
I've been to Maryborough many times and it certainly isn't the happy hole the name makes it out to be. As a child I'd wonder if this town could get any more bogan and then the prison came and yes my god it can get more bogan. It's the country town equivalent to mount Druitt. The train station is out of town so tourists on the tilt train can't see what they're in for. If the station was in the centre of town they'd look out the window and stay on the train to Bundy.
@Aaron I'm doing the FraserPop convention as an author vendor in a few weeks at the Maryborough SHS. I'm really looking forward to it. As much shit as Maryborough gets, I will still always love it.
You missed the best part about the channel 7 Ferris wheel in Brisbane. Its directly in front of the ABC office windows just to drive in the difference in budget
Honestly, Jordies already near-perfectly summed up Adelaide, but I would have added this: Adelaide: The place that somehow consistently ranks as the 2nd most liveable city in the world, despite our emergency centres having more ramping than Skate 3. (Hey, what do you know, we _do_ hate our own city!)
Its true! Back in the day I used to be in a pub/club band that toured the country for years. Perth, the locals would be like: "Whaddaythink of Perth? Pretty cool, ay!" Get to Adelaide, and the locals would be like: "Whaddaythink of Adelaide? Pretty shit, ay!".
As someone who grew up in Adelaide... what you said is spot on. Everyone who lives there constantly rants about wanting to leave... but never does because they're too content with their lives and cbf
From Brisbane, Glad a foreigner agrees with my take on it, but PLEASE stop telling people! the flood of southerners will soon upset the delicate balance. If there was one bad thing I could think of for Brisbane, it's that it must be boring AF for tourists. ironically and probably because of the fact that its surrounded by loads of great tourist spots relatively nearby.
It will soon? It already has. There isn't even enough accommodation for the people that already live here after the boom of people moving up to Brisbane.
Here's a better description for Toowoomba. Its like that old person you know having a late midlife crisis and tries to act all young and cool but realistically just looks even worse for it. Also tends to mimic Melbourne because of all the cafes and coffee shops it has all over the place
Launceston has something called a convection layer that traps all the smoke in winter from everyones fireplaces inside the valley. Its great for asthmatics and means that its warmer than Hobart even if the weather forecast never says so.
Inversion layer - it traps colder air under warmer air and traps smoke and smog. Tuggeranong in Canberra is famous for it, it's a decent health problem.
I moved to Canberra almost three years ago. Love it here so much. I can't say it's an unhappy place. However I would say it really is the city of the nerds. It's like high school but instead of the dickhead kids on the footy team bullying everyone, it's nerds who think the height of fashion is either Macpac or Kathmandu paired with a wide brimmed hat with the string that goes under your chin. Everyone goes hiking here and when they're not hiking they're walking around their neighbourhoods in their hiking gear. I once saw a bloke walking through the suburbs carrying a full 70L hiking pack.
@@AlexSchladetsch if you're interested in national history - everything. If you are only interested in what normies like then everything that you can do in Sydney.
Benefits of living in a crater is there is a mountain/hill never too far to hike. Pretty sure the fashion of Canberra is a bright blue suit and a pair of RM Williams to make it "casual"
Me sitting in Canberra: oh boy, what's he going to say. come on, lets have at it, give us your best shot. FJ: its cold and full of smart people me: oh. huh. well that is true.
I found it to be cold and full of heroin addicts. Also got robbed by a property manager, experienced a home invasion, and was targeted by junkies in my street who harassed me until I had a nervous breakdown and moved back to QLD. Canberra is a rectum. Didn’t see any smart people either, just privileged public servants running a rort for their egos, friends and families. The wildlife and nature is absolutely gorgeous. But the people. The people. I just, can’t.
As a Canberran, the road sign bit was totally inaccurate. You'll be hard pressed finding any roadside signage without at least one bent pole. it's like all the intelligence drains out once behind the wheel and dyslexia sets in. And the winter isn't so bad, it's the summer that's buggered. Combine heat, drivers and fuel prices, and forget Broken Hill - we are Australia's real White Line Nightmare.
Darlington Point: That town no one remembers for the birth of Bill Ferguson (Australia's Martin Luther King) and Dubbo (Dubbvegas as the cool kids call it) gets all the credit.
Been in Perth most of my life, I am both relieved and disappointed that I've never been made aware of or been invited to one of these orgies. Feel like if I was invited to one though there'd be an 80% chance I'd see Troy Buswell there, not great odds those
I'm from Melbourne, I moved to Geelong for work, everyone is way more friendly and polite. Part of why I prefer it. Melbourne is crowded and that shows up in being angry. You're not fighting for personal space or starting a fight for changing lanes in Geelong
same here. moved from Werribee to Geelong. Even I have to commute to 2 hours for my work in Melbourne couple of days, Geelong is best place for family. Good community. Best people. Only problem is high property prices.
@@Enlight_Entertain yeah cheaper in like City of Melton but you might know, Melton doesn't have a Hospital or a Westfield & as funny as that sounds. House prices in Leopold increased alot from the Supermarket becoming a regional plaza
I used to like your stuff but it's a bit repetitive now and I've fell out of the "angry at the world white man" demographic, but you seem like you're doing well. Have a good one Isaac.
"Welcome to Bargo, home of the White Waratah!" "Huh? "The place where the first record sightings of the lyrebird, koala and wombat took place!" "Huh?" "An aboriginal massacre and periodic murders, anything?" "Huh?" "..." "Huh?"
Incase you're wondering which between Newcastle's love for art and kfc is stronger, we paved over some ancient aborigional artifacts to string up the largest KFC in the southern hemisphere. Priorities
I think you nailed Darwin pretty well. Playing in pipes and drains got so bad here that they literally had to make a televised animated song to stop youth playing in them. IT SHOULD JUST BE COMMON SENSE!! If anyone has a chance to watch it, I highly recommend it "Don't Play in Pipes and Drains". Darwin: Yeah it's owned by China, but at least we're not Alice Springs.
Caboolture: That weird state in the process of gentrification where you have upper middle class housing developments 2 streets over from a dilapidated meth house.
I am from Newcastle. I can testify, people throwing things or yelling from cars is a thing. I don't know why. I guess it is because there is nothing to do if you don't like the beach or the lake.
New Zealand: Where the people wish they were under the Australian Labor Government right now. Bugger it, make New Zealand New South Wales again, you can have us.
You missed an opportunity with Canberra: The highest capital. Not only do we have legal weed here, we're perched in the F*&$ing mountains. Probably explains why the pollies always come off so dopey; most of the bastards suffer altitude sickness coming to parliament and can't focus on good policy (or they've got it chronic in the closet)! The fact that it's cold as a witches tit here half the time is just a good excuse for no one (not pollies, not public servants, not the bloody baristas at the 6 cafes per capita) to want to be here. The mass exodus for the cold months makes the ABS stats on residence look like the deciduous trees that Walter Burley Griffin decided needed to be planted EVERYWHERE!
As someone living in Bendigo, I can confidently say the greatest feeling of disappointment and sadness in the past couple months was from learning that Ballarat got their Govhub before Bendigo.
if it makes you feel better, I have lived in Ballarat for 3 decades and now I want to move to Bendigo (or somewhere else). This city has turned to absolute shit in the last few years.
Personally I love living in Bendigo, the whole place feels like a Crash Bandicoot level, but instead of trying to dodge nitro you're trying to dodge junkies trying to bash you and children trying to rob you of smokes
As someone in Perth, I am unsurprised you get asked to join orgies. It's a city where you gotta be able to make your own fun, so yeah, it checks out. Also there is a North Vs South unspoken civil war based on which side of the river you're on.
I've been here 7 years and I still don't understand the North and South civil war but somehow understand if your from the other side it explains everything wrong with your personality
It’s said that North living people have big egos They are the kind who attend UWA and get caught in high school for certain entrepreneurial ventures and boy school elitism
Port Macquarie; Dubbo by the sea Taree; It sure aint Newcastle, but at least it we're not in Port Macquarie any more Dubbo; "Next stop Dubbo, for your safety CountryLink advises all passengers to get off at Wellington"
I’d always laugh at Sydney and Melbourne having this fight of “whose the better city” since federation and joke that Brisbane is clearly better than both of them. I’m glad that Jordies agrees with me.
Torquay, that holiday town where all the locals get shitty about it being a holiday town. By locals I mean people who moved there from the city 5 months ago and shafted the housing market.
Port Macquarie is a giant nursing home where everyone can drive (just as bad as it sounds) and the only reason the average age isn’t 80 is because of apprentices and uni students that were too lazy to move to Newcastle.
real content? this stooge is talking about everything other then the most important moment in free speech. Why isn't he putting pressure on his good mate albo not intervening in Assange case? weak as piss.
@@mmmatthews9135 I'm pretty sure he done a video, like the week before or after the election, where he criticised Labor and said that Assange is the greatest disappointment he has with Labor.
Croydon: An hour and a half commute to the city with 50 year old Brick veneers costing well north of a million because Tradies have to live somewhere...
Brisbane is either something about how "brisbane river brown" is something I've actually said to describe the colour of something, or just "Brisbane - you like some fucking hills?" Sunny coast is just an old man going off at you about how Caloundra used to be called "clown town" while you drive past a shed that you're pretty sure is either housing a meth lab or a cult - or both.
Based on their town slogan at the time; Be Happy, Live in Dubbo (Pick One). Or Dubbo; Wirradjuri for /Red Dirt/ and that's about all you need to know. Dubbo; a great zoo, a shitty "Gaol" tourist trap, and the city everyone drives through to bypass sydney if they're driving from Victoria to QLD
Mackay: it’s won at least two Tidy Town Awards- but its’ greens-keeping plan hasn’t been updated since the 90’s (& it shows) Or Mackay: despite being a city since 1918 it’s retained ‘small-town charm’ ‘til about 10 years ago- complete with a virtually archaic bus service
Coburg, Melbourne: Every Nonna greets you saying "you remind me of my grandson/daughter, you seem very clever"... and all Nonnos meet outside the fish n chip shop every morning to listen to the radio being drowned out by traffic.
BAHAHA!!! That was brilliant and accurate down to the Rozelle workers cottages. Lived in one for years! 😂 Oh and your Hughesy impersonation is on point... 👌
One time at a show he did in Coffs Harbour I was talking to Jordie afterwards and he admitted he actually grew up in Coffs Harbour before moving to Sydney which is why he always mentions it
You need to break the big cities into chunks. Inner Melbourne: Hipsters and bubble tea shops every 10 metres Northern suburbs: Kebab shops and caravan manufactures Eastern suburbs: Bricklayers and drum circles Southeastern suburbs: Bay views and deros Western suburbs: Fallout wasteland
@@Deschutron I got you hungover hobo hipsters in the north Entrepreneurial white bread hipsters sticking out like dogs ball next to ethnic cultures in the west (or hipsters too poor to even afford to living in the north now) vapid trust fund, art, clubbing and aging hipsters in the south Nesting family hipsters in the east Incubated yuppie hipsters in the CBD
Playing in a band that did a gig in one end of NSW to the other I found every town I was warned about being a terrible place was full of cool people loving the music and dancing like mad, every place I was told was kewl and " you'll go down well there" was chock full of violent, idea-free dickheads and promoters who tried to stiff you on money. Awesome towns: Bourke, Gilgandra, Tamworth, Marrickville and Muswellbrook. Shit towns: Newcastle, Port Macquarie , Scone, Port Macquarie , Orange and Port Macquarie.
Holy shit, you nailed Dave Hughes except you forgot to add in "I'm aaaangreee" and then he smiles because he made a joke that the crowd found funny but he didn't get