Join our Recovery Library and gain access to 3,000+ expert resources: www.affairreco... Today Samuel offers help for the unfaithful spouse on how to handle a conflict with their betrayed spouse. A post from: www.affairreco...
It is painful for me to listen to you speak. And yet strangely comforting in hope. Please keep making videos. Never believe the lie that you have covered every topic. There is always more to share and learn. Thank you! Don't let anyone affect you enough to disuade you. Fiercely keep sharing. Thank you.
Yeah agreed. By the way since it's a year that u posted this comment, how r u feeling. I hope u both of u have made a lot of progress and seeing some happiness. It's just 2 months for me and my wife, we r in a bad State
For over 3 decades I was forced to keep silent when my UF spouse hurt me. It festered. Now at 36 years of marriage the festering trauma has become a virus. I finally was sick enough emotional, physically and spiritually from never being allowed to disagree, or express my pain. I don't think my spouse understood that the pain was coming from him. He insisted I let it out. I told him he would not be able to handle it. He assured me he could. I let it out. Unfortunately I was right. He could not handle it. Thus causing the last few years to be shear h3!! for both of us. I feel like there have been some possitive breakthroughs lately . AR, HH and these videos have really been helpful for me in this process. Telling your spouse to "just get over it" or "that was in the past" does not cut it! I am grateful for these videos!
That's about where I am at now. I'm tired of begging him to talk to me. I'm ready to say "bye" Cause in my life. I've been hurt prior due to child abuse as a child and I learned talking about it. Helped me a lot! You need to talk about it. He has no emotion. He has no remorse in my eyes. It's like you said... He feels he don't need to talk about it. :/
My husband gets angry when ever I bring up his affairs he complained about check pain. He cheated many times. He can't even trust himself around other women.
Yeah agreed. By the way since it's close to 2 years that u posted this comment, how r u feeling. I hope u both of u have made a lot of progress and seeing some happiness. It's just 2 months for me and my wife, we r in a bad State
My husband wouldn't put himself on the shelf, didn't do anything for Me to be safe for me it was all about poor him. I put up with that for 16 mths then I had to throw him out so I can work on my healing. I believe he cheated again because he didn't come home when he was supposed to and lied about where he was
My unfaithful H hates talking to me about his addiction. He hates that I need answers. I need to put the puzzle together. I need to heal. But he hates dealing with me.
Thank you for this content… it’s very good. I do have a question about a specific situation. Will you please do a video on when both spouses have betrayed each other? This is true in my situation. I confessed to my husband about my affair and then he confessed to me about his porn addiction (again). There has been emotional damage caused to me, from his addiction of his porn use in the past. I would love to hear your thoughts on this kind of situation. Thanks!
Samuel I’ve benefited from your content immensely (I’m a betrayed spouse). The deeper I get into recovery the more I realize that it’s still all about the unfaithful spouse! The unfaithful is fragile/ashamed/guilty/not remorseful/unwilling to get help/undecided/etc/etc...be patient with them betrayed spouse because they are in turmoil 😮! Yes unfaithful, have a conversation with the betrayed but set your boundaries 😮, you don’t want to let the betrayed get too emotional/frank/inquisitive/etc! Surely you get my drift Samuel. I daresay that unless you have children to rear it’s wiser to withdraw from the situation. At some point in our circus show , my unfaithful said “I didn’t mean to hurt you“ to which I responded *but you didn’t care if you did * and you know Samuel therein lies the core issue; - didn’t mean to but did it anyway - . Please understand that I remain respectful of your work yet incredulous at the leniency bestowed upon the unfaithful. 🙏
I can't ever even approach being angry or letting my feelings show, and my wife just gets defensive and the conversation is over. Trying to get some local counseling. Fingers crossed
I like “adjusting the win.” I want our win to be “Strengthen this family. Stabilize this family. In honor and with integrity.” If that’s our overarching goal, then our lives can take any shape at all that leads toward that path. But further destruction or pain or additional shame simply will not be tolerated. Continuing a farce feels unacceptable. “Don’t make our kids and I live in your lie.”
I’ve just given up with him as he doesn’t want to talk about his infidelity, it’s now a year on, we live separately but meet often and are on good terms but deep down I know it’s not going to work until we communicate, I don’t know how to get him to talk, is it wise to share your videos with him?
Is it ok to let your betrayed spouse ask for pics going to every place, record you at their leisure (audio), ask for multiple check ins throughout the day? I feel paranoid and smothered. Although there waz never this type of behavior before so should it be ok now?
it's a tough question. sometimes, yes. and maybe just for a short season. it's understandable this was never in place before, but now is due to the cheating. i know it hurts and is frustrating, but it's understandable. have you been able to get any good quality help to help him and you and the process? if you are able to obtain the right help and if you are able to implement the help, you'll probably not have to live like this for long. but, it is understandable that they would want that.
Absolutely. Their entire world has been rocked and they trust nothing. They are terrified it’ll happen again as it is one of the most traumatic things that could ever happen to a person. They have to feel safe. If you want to move forward-together-you will gladly do anything you can to make them feel safe (unless it’s abusive or punitive in nature). Only then can they begin to heal and truly get past it. Eventually. Remember you caused this.
Samuel I'm fine with trying to talk when she wants to, but how do you start the conversation when this is something you did to your spouse..when she wants me to start the conversation? Being present isn't good enough!
initiate conversation, take the free bootcamp on our site and use it to initiate helpful conversations, read a book together maybe that you both can go through together and talk about once or twice a week.
You can reach Samuel on twitter @infidelityscars. To speak with someone here (others like Samuel), you can complete the Affair Analyzer so there is some background info and request to speak to someone regarding the results. We have an awesome team standing by to help guide you into what course of action is best for your specific situation. www.affairrecovery.com/affair-analyzer-0
