The Weirdest Post-Chemo Symptoms 

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I just imagine Hank tweeting (or whatever it is now) after the video is posted saying "I'm sorry if this is how you found out."

reminds me of how john green had to change the title of his esther day video cause it was originally just "I love you, Hank" and that freaked people out

While editing this video, it has come to my attention that... I'm not dead. I know what it sounded like, but, I'm not. You are stuck with me.

Why does Hank kinda look like Anthony Fantano??

From the windows... to the wall!

The Universe knew.

And finally the universe is like, "OK, you can have a break."

@@vlogbrothers "a break" is a weird way to describe cancer, but you've earned the right.

@@vlogbrothers You deserve it, whether you'll let yourself or not!

"I've spent half my life rolling up this 30ft microphone cord, and the other half I've wasted." -The TB one

CJtheX moves their camera every new sentence. And the videos are usually an hour long

my guess is a few cameras set up static, and he edits em, seems the few backgrounds stay consistent, so hes just moving around a bunch i think

I do love the unhinged effect it adds.

Seriously though. My grandmother had chemo about a decade ago and her hair is now super curly.

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Not a doctor of any sort, but I think chemo having this effect might be it slightly damaging your cells?? I know that we’ve got 2 copies of every gene, and sometimes they don’t match, and every cell is constantly dying and creating replacements, and mistakes accumulate in this process over time. That why hair goes grey as we age, the hair color making genes make too many mistakes and stop working. So maybe all the hair growing cells or genes or whatever being killed all at once increases the mistakes in the replacement cells? So if you had a recessive trait in your hair color the new hair shows it better or something. This is all just a guess though.

@@chloepainter4064 that's pretty much how my doctor explained it.

it's weird how it seems to almost reset your system. Maybe some day the scientists will discover that killing so many cells isn't just killing the cancer, but shoving our bodies into using different unexpressed parts of our DNA in order to survive the onslaught of poison pushing us to the edges of life to survive. I wonder if anyone has ever considered doing a little DNA check post and prior, just to see if being 'cured' is exclusively due to the poison, or if the body shifts to a different gene to keep it from reoccurring.

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I was thinking the same thing!

relatable🏳️‍⚧️

lol fr

yooooo true

I suppose now we should be expecting a video about 10 years from now about hair regrowth huh? Im not familiar enough with biology but i was thinking more along the lines of DNA mutation due to chemo somehow manifesting in hair in a non harmful way, though i could be totally wrong lol.

I expect you to come up with a cure to male pattern baldness in that lab of yours.....

Honestly, anxiety feels much more exponential than additive; like a runaway feedback loop that only stops once you stop *_all_* of it.

this is so real

While I agree with the anxiety being like gravity theory... I'm also concerned that one of the world's few genuine, Mad Scientists has had a brainwave for the project after he's done making a fish out of fruit and making it play DOOM

Especially since John has OCD, Hank could be predisposed to it

My sincere condolences, and I'm glad that these videos have been nice for you.

sending love. it's been five months for me and it is the worst.

@@victoriaz14 im so sorry, wishing you and your loved ones all the time and space that you need. remember her with the love and the pain, and know there's nowhere to go but through. please take care of yourself.

Condolences. My dad died in January 2022 (a week after my 24th birthday) after fighting treatment-resistant prostate cancer for more than 10 years. He was 2 months shy of turning 70.

Long live The Format

John's last video was 3:58 and I was sure Hank would follow his lead at least for the next video but Hank said yeah but what about no

Thanks Hank for putting words out and being vulnerable before us...because you gave legitimacy to those of us who have felt those very same things as we have gone through the struggles of living and dying. Well done.

Same, the format is just fantastic

Long live the format!

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Holy crap three times?!

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3 TIMES?! WHAT?!

I dont know if id keep working at a place where the boss man hit the tripple cancer.

Word

oh, hell. THAT's why this video feels entirely natural to watch... :D

chemo brain. I know how it feels.

GNU Terry Pretchett

Wow, that's beautiful.

+1

In that case I doubt Terry, or Hank, will ever be fully gone. So many ripples!

Well, if that's true, the poor bastards who discovered fire and invented the wheel ain't never gonna die! ;o)

Beard balm is GOOD if your beard is; you know "stiff/unbendable": Start with beard oil tho... eases you into the habit of oil first than wax. Best of luck and good recovery🙂

Yes to all of the above! Except for the beard line. Once it gets long enough, you never have to shave again. ;)

VlogBrothers beard wash and conditioner, coming soon!

And I’ve noticed with mine that if I keep it short enough (I use one of those buzzers with the plastic length-sector clips you see at hair dressers’) it doesn’t itch at all and overall feels more comfortable

Interesting advice! My dad never had a chance to teach me all that...he's fine, I just can't grow ANY facial hair. Dad had a porn stache, his brothers both do, my mom's brothers have beards, me and my 2 brothers have nothing! We save a lot of time and money but it IS weird!! So thanks for teaching me, maybe one day...😅

Monkeys Paw slowly curls 1 finger lmao

My hair was completely gray when I had chemo. When it grew back it cane in auburn.

​@techpriestessmicaela8441one of my sisters started off with white-blonde hair and then became a brunette after puberty. Biology is weird.

Turns out beauty is indeed pain

This is strangely wholesome.

I'm sorry for your loss. Your comment is so beautiful and touching.

I'm so sorry that your sister lost her life. I'm glad you're finding comfort. Don't YOU forget to keep living as well ❤

I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm thankful you shared your thoughts. i lost my dad to cancer in 2021, and initially i also didn't want to be *in* too much on Hank's diagnosis and treatment. but you're right. those who survive cancer both the patient and those who supported the person who passed away because of cancer, should live and survive for those who didn't. i needed to read this, and it made me sob. thank you for sharing.

Thank you for sharing this. Stay strong friend we're here for you

This is beautiful and I’m so sorry for your loss ❤️

Hi, what was his channel? I would like to check out some of his creations as well, thanks~

There are two anxious wolves inside of you.... Why are they there? What do you need with wolves?!

That’s what I was thinking!!!!!

What if the newfound intimacy with anxiety and the new hair combine and result in Hank getting poof levels of his own??

@@josiah42 what's that sound? oh god, is that a third wolf?? OH GOD

Heh yeah, stacking debuff is a good way of putting it. At that moment in the video, I was thinking in terms of interference. As in, Hank was expecting his sources of anxiety to destructively interfere and cancel each other out, only to learn, to his horror, that it interferes constructively instead! D:

Sorry for your loss

Same. Everyone I’ve loved who has had cancer in the past has died from it. (Four people, four different cancers, two repeat cancer diagnoses.) My husband’s Nana is going through cancer again and just started treatment last week. I’m so happy to see Hank recover, and to hear him talk about it. Chemo being absolutely disastrous for my Mom, or really effective but eventually not enough for my mentor does not change Hank’s experience, emotions, or right to talk about them. And it doesn’t lessen my appreciation of him sharing his story and my relief that he is in remission.

I agree with this. I lost my grandpa to cancer, and I don't hate anyone for being able to survive it, I in fact hope for it. I want more people to survive, than have more that are lost

@@7RadioactivePotatoes so sorry for your loss, may your grandfather rest in peace

@@AmaraJordanMusic sorry for your losses, sending my best wishes to your husband’s nana

I hate that you and Hank (and anyone) got cancer, but if you were to get it anyways, having someone to look to seems pretty cool. Good luck on the rest of chemo!

Great job peeing out all that cancer!!

Best of luck!

Let us know how it goes! Wishing you the best.

❤️❤️❤️

Glad to hear it, heck yeah!

They need your plasma!!!

AB+ is the universal plasma donor (without the blood cells), and it's an even rarer blood type then O-, so blood banks would absolutely want plasma donations from anyone with this blood type who is eligible and willing to donate.

I had strawberry blond straight hair before, gray curly hair after. the curls grew out, the gray stayed. I looked 10 years older within a year. but at least I was alive.

@@evastapaard2462 absolutely. Unfortunately for Jan, she developed early onset dementia almost immediately after recovery so didn't have any time to really enjoy recovery. She's just recently passed.

Im so sorry for your loss.@@sunsets.starlight

@@evastapaard2462 thank you, it's appreciated

We're seeing a new blog/vlog genre start before our very eyes. I know every camera angle kinda says "f-it, let's try this, that's good enough", but it came together into a style that is just kind of raw and honest.

It's true. The cuts are razor sharp in this one. Maybe not 5-blade sharp, but definitely at least 3-blade sharp

It reminds me of the girl on tiktok who goes for hikes and asks mildly unhinged interview questions at the camera. This is my favorite Hank video of all time.

i was gonna say 'i'll have whatever he had' but then i realized that might not be such a good idea after all...

Holy shit!

HOLY BEARD GANG

"let it grow, let it grow." Don't shave it off anymore.

Omg you're here too!

I agonised over joining that club. I went back and forth. I don't like my facial hair but also don't like shaving, and thought I might like it more if I let it get beyond stubble. Then I tried and it turns out it doesn't really grow long enough to be called a beard. I get a lot of it, all over my face and neck, but it just sprouts to the perfect worst balance between scratchily short and long enough to clog up my razor, and then stops. F-ck you, my hair.

I was just thinking the same thing! Haha

Second puberty always hits different lol

Half the battle is believing in yourself (and beard). The other half is recognizing a losing fight so you may retreat and regroup. (So like, at first it'll be a whispy mess and you won't want to let it go but TRUST ME, just shave those baby hairs off and wait for the tensile-strength-of-copper-wire manly-man hairs to replace them. Have faith, stay the course, me and my monster beard believe in you brother)

@@tonycampbell1424 I appreciate the encouragement haha I'm like eight years on T and can nearly grow a full beard now, though. I really resonated with Hank's experience of asking those questions and checking out other dudes' facial hair, just the general insecurity and excitement, at an unusual age relative to our peers. It opens some interesting reflection about masculinity, aging, gender expression, rites of passage, genetics, and a whole host of tangents from there.

if it makes you feel less alone, me too! any anxiety triggers the health anxiety lol

I feel the "Oh Hank" in my bones.

Everyone seems to forget that I INVENTED THE FORMAT!

@@vlogbrothersI FORGOT AND JOHN MADE A VIDEO CALLED “INTRODUCING THE FORMAT” IM SORRY 😭 /lh

​@@vlogbrothersdon't worry hank you'll always be the format inventor

​@@vlogbrothersyou also kinda invented the Anthropcene Reviewed but it's still very much John's thing 😂

​@@vlogbrothersJohn is the Apple of The Format™

And the intimate relationship we all have with facial hair

Yup, another option is to not wash your beard with shampoo all the time, you can just wash it really well with just water and optionally add conditioner to keep it nicely oiled which protects it and keeps it from itching

Yes, I was wondering if head hair conditioner would be good on a beard? @@BinxyBrown

I find that nice oil scented soap bars play nicely with my beard, they seem to moisturise the hairs about as well as oil does and is an avenue into floral and fruity scents rather than the traditional wood scents you usually get. Obviously this is something to test as it seems every beard is different.

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I also enjoyed the introspection.

oh

Ditto

Oh heck! I didn't expect to see TIFO here! Love your content and amazing team of writers, editors and of course Fact Boy.

It's THE format (I guess this one had a much shorter mic cable)

I'm done. I did it!

I knew someone would!! Love that

I was waiting for this

MAGNETS!

Walter Green

Yes this was my first thought!!!!

My hair came back so soft I couldn't stop touching it. I'm still using baby shampoo on it. It's cool.

Yeah, that can happen. I had a more distant friend, that did not know about my treatment and met him at a birthday party. When we talked he asked me how I manage to cut my hair that smooth, without any stubbles visible. He was quite shocked and most likely embarrassed he had asked afterwards ^^

I think I need to spend some time offline because after reading that story and having a chuckle I immediately thought of one of those clickbait ads with "Hairstylists HATE this one WEIRD trick!"

My mother got her hair back with no gray hair. At 73 she had less gray hair than I did at 50.

Hope you got a positive outcome zoly.

This joke really got so much more real than anyone ever thought it would. Like, that Dear Hank and John episode when they knew about Hank's cancer but we didn't went so so deep I was like, huh, and when I found out about Hank's cancer and I was like ooohhh

Was going to say just that. There seems to be 2 explanations that I've heard a lot. One is that the body recognize the feeling of anxiety, which triggers anxious thoughs (as that is the usual cycle, either thoughts - >body or the other way around, according to cognitive psychology). The other explanation seems to be that the amygdala is working way too hard and just basically overactive. Doing stuff that calms the amygdala down does seem to work for a lot of people. Hence the 'you should go for a run when you have anxiety or depression' advise. Less can do it, like yoga, laughing, or doing any kind of exercise.

I see this face grow? I shit through flubby goobers? In society time favours Greens?

I thought it's DFTBA Hank

And feeling guilty for not donating enough🥹 Hank, you're already doing wayyyyyyyy more than the average person to decrease world suck. Be kind to yourself!

I'm a trans man and I had the same reaction lmao. My hair is still changing from the hormones so I don't know where I'm gonna end up when it's all said and done, but right now I'd kill for some of this neckbeard to start creeping higher up my chin 😂

@@Avendesora Welcome to the beard club, new guy. Nothing wrong with being a work in progress.

Man, I'm in the same boat. Not quite on a first name basis with my facial hair (except tom on my left cheek and jerry on my right) but as a Mexican male the inability to grow a goatee hurts a lot.

I recently heard about a kind of chemo that essentially makes your blood toxic and, as a side effect, instantly kills mosquitos, and my immediate thought was "ooh, I gotta get some of THAT". (Obviously, I wouldn't try to get on chemo just to wipe out the local mosquito population, but it's been a very buggy summer and I'm not surprised that my mind went there.)

​@@Avendesora When I first started getting facial hair I had the same problem, but I don't take HRT so hopefully that doesn't make much of a difference. Love ya, and stay strong.

It’s like her character got replaced with a different actor haha.

@@Franklin2OO7 oh yeah. She got married during this time too so her name even changed. It was like they full on swapped out the wife in a sitcom and pretended like it never happened

Even without cancer, it's surprising how much our bodies continue to change over time. As a kid I thought you grew up, and then once grown up you were done with all that. But rerolling hair style is wild. I wonder if they can trigger that without the chemo.

@@gelfling Yeah, I'm friends with her on Facebook and she loves to share her memories on her TL because of how radically different she looks. If you focus on the face, it's the same lady with a few extra wrinkles but she doesn't even look like she's *related* to her old self. Edited to add: She does look a lot happier now, a lot less anxious and she's been going strong with over 5 years in remission! Just checked her page and figured it was worth mentioning.

"I am growing stronger everyday"

The Format* in this particular video is stellar: Giant paint cans, the artistic use of the mannequin... The visual representation of "many of my thoughts are irrational these days...and we're just, working through them". 🎉

wishing you many more years of health matthew.

But, but isn't all cancer life threatening

​@@just.8797some are more than others, funny to see him down play his cancer though

i feel this so hard right now. I’m just about to finish treatment for my seemingly very chilled and harmless thyroid cancer and I feel so much survivors guilt when i’m in my wards with others having a much worse time of life :(

@@just.8797 I'm sure mine would have been if I never ever had treatment, but it was Stage 1 so it wasn't very concerning in that way

*hugs*

Condolences.

Thank you very much. Have a nice day. @@barefootalien

Lots of us get it. I lost my dad the first week of July. Everybody loved him, too. And I know he loved us. Remember that about your mom, rudetuesday. As a teacher, I love your work and your joy, Hank. Feel joy as often as you can. We all deserve to do that.

I'm so sorry for your loss. That's so hard and I hope you can relive so many good memories with her *sending support*

I'm so sorry for your loss. She was obviously a great Mom though, Because you are a beautiful person. ❤ to you and your brother.

I think he was sarcastic when he said it. That he doesn't actually think it's good.

​@@naturesfinest2408yeah he wants to but he feels less bad that he isn't doing it consistently because he actually had a reason now

we need these words when we least expect to ever hear or need then

My dad is the same way w the late greying! It’s almost like when his hair grew back it was baby hair again and the timer restarted

As some one that got grey hairs in my early 20's late teens, that is so cool.

I don't know exactly how gray hair work, my mom and 2 of her sisters have gray hair, and one of her sister, the third one, can count her gray hair, and all of them are 70+ years old

I am so sorry for your loss. May you find comfort when you need it the most. ❤

Thank you for this. As a cancer "survivor" for going on eight years now, I still struggle with survivor's guilt and impostor syndrome of being a survivor (to the point that I feel like I don't deserve the term and use quotation marks when talking to people). Others have had cancers far worse than mine, and despite going through mastectomy, chemo, radiation, and long term medication, it felt like I had the cheat code as my cancer mutation was of a low grade, and thus, not as aggressive. I've shared my experience with others going through chemo/radiation/surgery because I remembered how much I *didn't know* going into treatment, and how much learning from someone else's journey helped me. And yet I could not shake the feeling that I'm an impostor for sharing my experience, as if I don't deserve to share it. You have no idea how much I needed to hear your perspective. It was healing. Thank you.

THIS!!! A milllion times this! I need to know someone else can survive and thrive having cancer. Partly because I feel like another person with cancer is an extension of my loved one and in some weird way they get to live on in another way. The other part is to remind me that a person can heal from this. I feel like I'm allowed to hope and pray for others. This isn't to pressure survivors. It's just really nice for those that have lost someone to see that you're here.

Yes! My mom's hair changed from brown and curly to black and straight - was odd! Also returned to normal after a few years.

Mine was curly when it grew back until it got past my shoulders

​@@ShaynaButlerthat's fascinating. So, your hair has to have been partially curly and also straight at one point, right? Like curly at the end and straight at the root?

that is really amazing to think about actually. just imagine us being some of the ones that were alive to experience the vlog brothers when they were still alive. something some people in the future might yearn for. I often get this feeling with bands that I like which arent around anymore, like imagine being in the crowd in one of the beatles concerts, it's just mind blowing to think that we are part of something similar, all the time without realizing how special it might be in the future for future people

Agreed. I found out about my DLBL just before Hank found out about his cancer, so I feel like we went through it together!

Yep, I was diagnosed in Jan and then seeing Hank's diagnosis and others like me showing up in the comments has really helped.

this is so cool! :]

This is the kind of story that more people need to know. Gender Affirming care, Of Any Kind, is Human Care. Thank you for sharing this!

@@Me3stRNot only that, but as this poster demonstrates, it's care that can treat cis folks as well as trans folks.

Im glad you have a healthy relationship with your brother.

​@@GiantPetRatIt's true. As a post-menopausal cis woman, my natural testosterone levels started rising so now I take spironolactone to make it have less effect on me. As I understand it, this is the same med given to many trans women. Gender affirming care is for everyone.

As a former kid on the spectrum (and present-tense autistic adult), it sounds like you're a proper good mom taking his anxieties seriously. I (very) fortunately have no personal experience with that health situation, but I do know what it's like to rely on a mum who's the only adult in the world who really *listens* to how I'm feeling both physically and mentally, so I know how important it is. You're doing an awesome thing. I truly hope he's in remission or getting there, and stays as healthy as he can. Best of luck to you and yours!

Good luck with chemo. Rest as much as you need and don't feel guilty about it. I've slept for 12 hrs after chemo cause I was really tired. Oh and if you get constipated, take a laxative loke restoralax before bed so you can have a bowel movement.

When you say your cancer is back for the second time do you mean you’ve been in remission twice? If so I can’t imagine that, my feelings would be so constantly mixed up. Either way, I hope you go into remission again and it doesn’t come back this time!

thats terrible knowing its come back, but i know you can beat the shit out of cancer a second time bro hang in there

You’ve got this.

Hope all goes well.... its nice when someone we idolize has a shared experience

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I've lived with severe health issues my whole life, starting with being born with a tumor in my spinal cord. Like you, I can walk (ish) and not wear a diaper, so I've often felt like I'm supposed to feel grateful for that, instead of horrified at what I go through every day. One truth I've learned through that is this: Everybody's problems suck for them. Everybody's pain hurts for them. There's absolutely no use in comparing or in judging someone else by how they deal with their own pain and problems. Everybody has the right to complain about their suffering, and everyone deserves to have those complaints validated and sympathized with. It's a fundamental human right to seek that kind of catharsis. I used to compare myself to Steven Hawking... how much he did with his life, with much worse health problems and more pervasive disabilities than mine... and how little I've done with mine. But I've come to accept (most of the time, anyway; it's still a struggle some days) that that's just not a healthy mentality, or a valid comparison. I'm sure it was horrifying to be him, to have his body take away more and more capability... but that pushed him into his mind, with nowhere else to go. Would he have done all he did if instead his most harrowing symptom was _pain?_ Which comes with relentless wave after wave of sternly reinforced depression and emotional and spiritual exhaustion... I dunno. Maybe he would've. Maybe not. Does it matter? Nope. He had his issues, and dealt with them how he dealt with them, and I have mine, and... everybody but me seems really impressed with how I've faced mine throughout my life, so I can only conclude that there's just no point in comparing. Feel how you feel, and don't judge yourself for it. Sit with your feelings and be at peace, brother/sister.

@@barefootalien What a wonderful way to frame the issue - we all need to remember that our struggles are valid, and not negated by someone else’s successes.

complain complain complain! complaining is a useful de-stressor..... just be reasonably mindful of others. Mention it is a general rant (something you want to voice out), if they say it is too much for them don't involve them in the rants, and note down any stuff that could be good to go over with a professional (make sure you are willing to talk to said professional before you seek one out).

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Hanks videos these past few months have helped me so much because of this. Thank you for putting it into words

Enjoy this beautiful time together 🧡

" a slightly faster clock than we thought" is such a beautiful way of conceptualizing it. I wish you and your grandmother joy