Lyrics Hey folks! Beggin' your pardon 'Scuse me! Sorry to barge in! But let's skip the tears And start on the whole, ya know "Being dead" thing Death is so my oeuvre I make crossing over smoother Try to think of me as lube for The hole, (heh!) you know, The whole "being dead" thing! When you're dead ya gets regrets "We shoulda carpe'd way more diems Now we're never gonna see 'em I can show you what comes next So don't be freaked, Stay in your seats, I do this bullshit like eight times a week There is no heaven, There's no hell, No meaning far as I can tell. Are you depressed? You should be! Welcome to a show about death! You're... You're gonna be fine on the other side (Die, you're all gonna die, you're all gonna die!) I'll... I'll be your guide to the other side- It's part of the dead thing! Dies Irae Death is not the easiest so don't be nervous Oblivion can really make a girl feel worthless Everybody needs a good transition service When they pass That's me! I come with the "dead thing"! Death can have its ups and downs "My polio's completely cured!" "I left my baby uninsured!" Stick with me I'll show you 'round Everything is great here Lots of friends to make here They're sailing on a lake here There's a giant snake here! Welcome to a show about death! You're... You're gonna be fine... Thank you! On the other side... How you doing!? I'll... I'll be your guide... To the other side. Seriously though this is a show about death. Invisible when you're sad Clocks tick and phones still ring The world carries on like mad But nobody sees a thing Whispering behind their hands Lost for kind words to say Nobody understands And everyone goes away Grownups wanna fix things When they can't it only fills them with shame So they just look away Is it being greedy to need somebody to see me And say my name? Seems when you lose your mom No one turns off the sun Folks carry on, that's that You're invisible when you're sad Holy shit! A ballad already!? This show's got everything! (sings) You're just gonna love the folks here Everybody's dead so everybody smokes here Everyday I do, like, a ton of coke here- The whole-- "Being dead" thing! The nightlife's hip, Aretha plays here Orgies last for several days here People tend to go both ways here They're like, "Bob Sheila" The whole "being dead" thing! Toss that body in the pit "Gosh it's awful" "Ain't it tragic?" "Blah blah bible jesus magic!" When you're dead who gives a shit? No pilates No more yoga Namaste, you fucking posers Baby, when you're toast you're toast And I'm the ghost you're gonna need the most You need a demon who's smart Helping you master the art So how 'bout we all make a start On the whole "being dead" thing God I hope you're ready for a show about death!
