In this vlog: - morning pages - the artists way - phd updates she's a little rusty, so be kind 😅 and please say hello in the comments, I hope you are all doing well! #morningpages #theartistsway #juliacameron
How is everyone? Surviving and thriving in 2023? 😅😊🎉 much love to you all, and good luck to all the PhD students starting this month ❤❤❤ say haaiiiiii x
I am late diagnosed ADHD (among other things). Late as in when I was 63. I think self-trust is a tough nut to crack with most people with ADHD. For me, I just expect it's going to take a while to really, really get there. A big discovery for me has been that there is often a reason hidden from my conscious awareness that is blocking me from doing what I want to do. If I can slow down and go within compassionately, I realize what that stumbling block is and can address that particular detail. My motto (for self and others) is that there is always a reason. Always. For everything. Just have to find it, accept it, respond to it. Good for you doing morning pages for a week! That's impressive. May the sun shine upon you as you work your way through your present one discovery at a time.
This is such a valuable comment, thank you for sharing. I was saying in a comment elsewhere that, similarly to you, when I break down my ability to get things done (or not get things done) there is often just two emotions driving (in)action: fear, or love. Slowing down, as you say, is key to recognising this. And lots of compassion. Thanks for sharing, friend! X
Incredible video. Instinct over intellect. Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid. Somehow you made the "boring production deadlines" into magic. Really beautiful work. Thank you
The last bit really hit home. I'm in constant fear of not getting to be who I want to be, but being that version of myself implies doing very scary things (like the PhD!!)... Thank you for another insightful video, Holly! Wishing you a lovely new semester!
1) I am so happy every time there is a new video from you, Holly! Your humour and reliability are unmatched. 2) When you said you were going to play a Hozier song, I hoped it would be this one and I was pleased.
Did we just witness the yellow butterfly emerge from the chrysalis goo. Great video. Just over a month into morning pages, and seeing the strange formation of a seafaring tale emerge. The characters re-presenting fragments of an alienated self in search of at-one-ment.
Hello lovely! Welcome back! It's weird how you're talking about morning pages when I've been mulling over trying it for a couple weeks as part of the whole anxiety kick. I often think about who I would have been if I hadn't been afraid, or procrastinated, or chose for someone else rather than myself.... but then she wouldn't have the experiences, people or knowledge that I have so there's always a trade off. I always end up at the realisation that my Mum was really proud of me despite my own negative thoughts about myself, and so everything's good - and then if I can just do that one more thing, maybe she'd be even more proud so I can be more content. Always seems to make me feel a little better. Sending love and hugs xx
Oh, Nat. That is such a wholesome, loving way to think about things ❤️ I'm sorry she's not with you in person, thank you for sharing her impact on you with us. Sending you love and hugs right back. X
Yeeeyyy Holly is back! Terrified of the PhD process also at the minute, this video is the perfect timing for me 16:52 also A(u)DHD er as I finally ranted to my husband last night all the things I need to change in my routine to get back on track (exercise, bed time, morning and procrastination), thanks for the tips xx
Thank you for your beautiful honesty, Holly. It’s so lovely to see you again and hear how you’re getting on. I’ve been doing morning pages for years and love it (I do evening pages too) It’s a shame it does nothing for my creativity and writers block but hey…..there you go 😂😂Hang in there. much love, liz x
I just found your channel and thank you so much for your good humour, honesty and great advice! All the PhD student community could gain so much from your videos :D
Hi Holly :) I’ve just returned to Uni as an undergraduate. I start next week and am both excited and prepared to embarrass myself in front of kids half my age. Diagnosed last year with ASD and ADHD, hence the decision to return to higher education instead of follow the same path that was just making me miserable. I like the way you described that level of hell. I think that would be my hell too. Finding out everything I could have been if I had my shit together. Doesn’t matter how much I tell myself my mental challenges made it more difficult, I always know deep down, there was a choice somewhere along the road that I could’ve made to make my situation better. All the best with your return to your PHD, from what you’ve dealt with in the passed year, may this one bring you amazing joy and fulfilment.
No its cool that you've returned!! I'm in my masters with people in their 40s with kids older than my youngest sibling and I think it's amazing. Its so so interesting to see how their lives are going and how they balance school with work with kids and spouses. I absolutely love that you have a completely different path from the expected higher education path and it is really useful for students my age to see that you CAN change educations and careers later bc we spend so much time being scared into sticking with one choice only
I think your children will look back at this crossroads and recognise the courage it took to make this decision - for your happiness, and theirs. You can do this, and I'm proud of you! I hope you are proud of yourself. I'm sorry it took so long for you to learn about this part of yourself. Try not to dwell in the past, if you can - it drains us. Focusing on your new path and upcoming new experiences will energise you. YOU CAN DO THIS!
11:19 laughed (more like a guffaw) out loud at this despite it being 3 am and scared my dog. your wit comes through in every video but this line has nuance, lmfao.
Holly! So glad you are back! Have left a research paper for my Doctorate til the last minute so I need motivation and you are just that! Great to see you getting back on track with the PhD x
I can relate to literally everything you said between 12:09 and 13:10. I am a chronic perfectionist myself, and only earlier this year I find out that I've had undiagnosed ADHD. All the negative self-talk that I developed, beating myself up and convincing myself that 'perfect is the only way' are all so hard to unlearn. I haven't found all the answers yet and therapy is being of help right now, but all this is jeopardizing the quality of my uni work. So, although I don't have any advice to give, I just wanted to say something I'd have loved to hear myself before: you're not alone in these struggles (and they're valid!), you're so much better than what you think of yourself and you're working hard enough. Aim for the good enough if you can, for the sake of your wellbeing. Sending love and hugs from Scotland!
I have ADHD but I don't get when people say "good is better than perfect". I'm an eccentric binary person when it comes to processes -- either I do it well _(not perfect)_ or I don't do it at all _(I'm naturally a quitter)._ I don't have a "middle". Suffice to say, I'm leaving my program after this year. That's moreso because I've had an even harder time with executive functioning because my program is disorganized. Also, despite being undiagnosed until I started, I still had NO business whatsoever pursuing something that's essentially project-based. I don't even finish projects! Especially longterm ones! 😅 So I'll be re-entering the working world, this time with a potential complaint & legal action if they refuse to accommodate me 😌 We'll see how that goes. *Good luck to you on your journey!!!*
Thanks friend! I’ve tried to remove extreme language from my thought process when it comes to getting things done. No black or white thinking… I try to live and act in the “grey area” which is where I’m allowed to do the work and make mistakes too. Thanks for sharing your journey, friend!
Ah, welcome back Holly. We've missed you! I recognise so much of myself in your content. Thanks so much for sharing your experience. I'm in my final year of the Ph.D. and still feel like I haven't a clue. Also a late ADHDer...which explains a lot re. the imposter syndrome. I'm going to try the morning pages after watching this. Thanks again and keep on being fabulous 🤩
I don't think one person should be allowed to be so cool and gorgeous and smart 😭😍. You've become such a role model for me as I get further into my education. I started my masters in library science last month and am already overwhelmed but I think about your past videos and it helps me feel normal again
I'm so happy you are back :) As someone who took an extended leave of absence from my PhD, I completely relate to how hard it can be to get back at it. I did it, and can even see the finish line somewhere there at the horizon, so you can to. I look forward to following your journey. Love, Bryndís :)
So happy you are posting again! I am not a phd student but a returning student switching careers - a bit of a lateral move and I have found your past videos really useful, so thank you. You had me at the 9th circle... Wow that last bit there got me.
This video was timely. Re-starting MTS degree In Jan. Love the scoreboard!!! I completely relate....looking forward to more of your wisdom. Still recovering from the Notion/Obsidian rabbit hole, but that is another story. And, I have found that if I watch this video repeatedly I categorize it as progress and NOT procrastination! Looking forward to the next knowledge drop! Cheers and good luck! 🙂
I just discovered you this weekend. I have on one of your Study with Me videos while I am working on getting my dissertation proposal done. I looked up at the screen at one point and saw that you had posted that you were reading the Christopher Small "Musicking" article and I was SOOO excited to discover that you were a musician! I am a jazz vocalist and composer and I am working towards a DMA in Jazz Studies. So sorry to hear that you have been dealing with health issues. You are an inspiration! Here's sending much light and warm thoughts your way as you continue your work on your doctorate.
A musical pall!!! YAY!!! There's not many of us lololol! Thanks for saying hi, and best of luck with your doctorate :) Where are you studying, if you don't mind me asking? x
So nice to see you back in my feed, Holly! Your videos got me through my Master's degree. You are one of my favorite creators on RU-vid and I value your videos so much - they always brighten my day.
So glad you're back Holly! And, as synchronicity would have it, I am in Week 6 of The Artist's Way! I, too, thought of it as a great way to help with my Phd journey. Not sure about that yet, but The Morning Pages and the Artist Dates have certainly opened stuff up. Sounds like it has for you too! My approach has been to write the pages and don't ever EVER look back at them or try to interpret. Just let that gunk flow onto the page and free up my psyche! Cheers! 💖
Wonderful to see you again, Holly! Just 'returning' to my research after a 3-week holiday (which came after a few months of being hellishly busy at work and at home, which also kept my away from my writing longer than I had wanted) so this video came somewhat at the right time for me. Hope you're doing well and I look forward to seeing more of you again! :)
This was so motivating! I haven't done morning pages in years, but now I want to pick it back up. I remember enjoying doing it, even though I was inconsistent, so who knows why I stopped. Great video
Just ordered the artists way and while we're on book recommendations as a fellow perfectionist in her 30s with ADHD I can really recommend the book "The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control, A Path to Peace and Power by Katherine Morgan Schafler. I'm finding it very useful to recognize unhealthy patterns and work with my strengths. Also therapy and stuff but you know :)
Just realized I have thoughts and feelings about the title. I bought the book in German and the German title is more along the lines of "(almost) a love letter to perfectionism" which is waay more inviting and lovely than "a guide to losing control" - scary much? Hmm
New biggest fan ever. I completely feel you about the ADHD perfectionism (diagnosed last year at 31)... Main reason I don't finish anything. You have persuaded me to look into the morning pages to help get me out of my PhD practice funk (head in sand!). I hope you are well!! You are smashing it! Much love xx
Hi Holly! It’s so good to see you! I hope getting back into your PhD is going okay and that momentum builds. I also did a version of morning pages and it became a ritual for me before working on my PhD. Super helpful! I definitely fell into procrastination until I recognised it too! PS my graduation ceremony is next week!!
Love your videos, Holly! I cant get enough of your witty stream of consciousness narration. It's the best. Did you mention the Hozier song title? I'd love to listen to the song. THAT RUN WAS PERFECTION BTW 😍
Hi! I'm in the dissertation stage of my PhD and you've really helped me get to this stage. Your videos on Notion helped me through a deep hump of fear and just allowed me to plan when I was afraid to plan too far in advance. I'm also a recovering perfectionist (just figured out this is why I'm terrible at learning languages...I don't let myself look not perfect to learn the language). Your channel and vulnerability have really impacted me.....and I haven't done morning pages in YEARS, but it is probably a good idea for this stage where I just need to get words on the page. Thank you for sharing your journey, it is honestly made an impact on me...aka it helped me turn in my first chapter last month.
Hi Holly, fellow neurodivergent pumpkin here saying Hi! 🌞 For me it has been impactful to seek out resources from other neurodivergent humans. One, it really helps with appreciating one's strengths. (e.g. I LOVE videos from ADHD content creators including yours, you all are experts at producing super engaging, creative and fun videos *because* it is how your brain works.) Two, there def are ADHD-friendly strategies/supports for things that are extra hard for your brain. (e.g. so that you are working with your brain, not against it when trying to accomplish a goal.)
I agree with all of this, Lara ❤️ thank you for your kind words! I’d love to know your favorite neurodivergent creators - the more I’m aware of, the better! X
Yes ofc! On youtube, I love "How to ADHD" (team of ADHD content creators, researchers & medical professionals) for ADHD-friendly strategies presented in incredibly well produced videos & additional resources. I also love "The Thought Spot" (AuDHD content creator) - Irene is super analytical and reflects on things like (internalized) ableism, why we tie our worth so closely to our productivity, the interconnection between neurodivergence and other health issues etc. Also thoroughly recommend the podcast "Neurodivergent woman" (run by an AuDHD clinical psychologist & a neurotypical neuropsychologist) for a quick rundown on what research says/recommends on any given topic e.g. neurodivergence & (mental) health, sleep, executive function etc. Also: Please remember that things don't feel hard because you are doing something wrong, but because they are hard. Quite the opposite: You are doing fantastic handling so many things with so much grace. 🌻
Well, as Elizabeth Gilbert say, “procrastination is fear in fancy shoes”. Well let’s see where I am-I have 2 dissertation chapters partly in the ether, partly in my head and only 10 pages in.😩I have to file next June and am suppose to apply for post docs soon that I don’t want. I am teaching my own class (done this before but not at my institution) and am trying to create a sufficiently rigorous but not overwhelming course plan. I have moments when I have great thoughts and get excited then I would rather be gardening. However, I signed up for a writing bootcamp so that is something. I need to write not read anything else! It doesn’t need to be perfect, just done. Have you read “The War on Art” about resistance and writing or Big Magic?
Love that quote from Liz Gilbert. What a hero. I absolutely adored Big Magic, and my next one is Rick Rubin's book "The Creative Act". I'm realising that almost all action (or lack of action) is driven by two singular emotions - fear or love. Trying to love hard on my research right now - we'll see how it goes. Best of luck with your class prep - teaching is so much work, I hope it goes okay!
Love your RU-vid channel. I know you are not posting often but I dont mind that, I keep coming back searching your name, Holly Jane, once in a while to see if you posted something new. Your life and the way you narrate about it is so beautifully done. I feel very much the same kind of chaotic life evolution timeline, and it is so interesting you know. Let all other people continue to be plastic. You are real. And because of that you are rich, richyreal. Thank you for being you and expressing who you are. Keep going, you're doing great. Thanks!
So happy to see a new video from you! Can you let me know the song name by Hozier (sorry if you said it and I missed it)? Good luck starting back in your PhD program.
😅😢 Now that I've successfully gotten myself MORE behind, I have 3 qualifying papers due this year & 3 classes with Incomplete grades _(one of which is technically due this week)._ And supervisor is on sabbatical next year. We'll see if I make it, but I'm srsly quitting if I don't lol 🤷🏽♀️
YOU CAN DO THIS!! One step at a time! Do whatever is most helpful to you and don't worry about anything else. Maybe putting on a study with me or finding a study group would be a little less lonely?
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