Any time I hear a parent say their minor child "owes" them something I cringe. Children aren't born with a debt they have to repay to their parents whether that's financially or behaviorally.
If anything, the parent owes the child for bringing them into the world without consulting them. That child depends on you, so you owe them a good life. End of story.
You are one hundred percent correct! It makes children feel like a burden to be shouldered and, as a mom to both a biological child and my baby sister that I raised, I see that "you owe me for raising you" bullshit as a straight up manipulation tactic aimed at conveying the message that anything and everything your parent has done for you (including their love) is completely conditional and can (and will) be withheld if you don't fall in line. It is also meant to make you feel guilt and shame. It's gross on so many levels.
@@luisandrade2254 Nope. That's an EXTREMELY toxic view of things. And one that seems to only be adopted by people who least deserve that type of sacrifice from their kids, people who view the kids from day one as their property or extensions of themselves. I took care of both of my grandparents for years until they passed away because they were parents to me when they didn't have to be. Neither of them ever expected it of me. They never felt that I "owed" them anything (even though I wasn't biologically their child and they stepped up for me so if they felt that way it would have made more sense). Parents make a choice when they decide to give birth to and keep a child. If you made that choice, it is literally your job by law in America to provide for your kid. And if all you did was give them things but you never gave a damn about their mental and emotional health and you were never really there for them (not all deadbeat parents live outside of the home), if you felt like they needed to be grateful to you for doing things required by law of all people who choose to become parents, they owe you nothing. You chose that job. Where's the disconnect here? They did not choose to have you as a parent but you chose to be their parent. You have done nothing worth celebrating. You did.... your job. 🤷 So yeah.... it's not rocket science. Try going into work tomorrow and telling your boss they should be grateful when you clock out that you came and did your job. Maybe the boss's response will show you how absurd your view is. 😂
YOUR👏🏼CHILD👏🏼 IS 👏🏼NOT 👏🏼YOUR👏🏼 THERAPIST! My parents have and still do this to me! I'm 20 & it's not okay. It can really mess up your children. Find a therapist PLEASE. Don't rely on your children to take your emotional baggage & problems & make them try to fix it.
I became the family therapist after my dad suddenly died and I was the only one who elected to go to therapy. My mom and sister didn't and ended up essentially piggy-backing emotionally on my access to a real doctor. Things got worse when I was diagnosed with bipolar II, had to try out a million meds/combos, and suddenly became the family pharmacist too! Shut that down as fast as possible, I am NOT qualified to give medical advice just because I've taken lots of meds. Just like I'm not qualified to be a therapist just because I was the one who actually bothered to go and do the work.
@@l6318 I'm so sorry you have to go through that too! I have major depression, major anxiety, bpd, and ocpd. It's a huge struggle and I HATE blaming people but its all because of my childhood trauma and other reasons. I'm also on meds as well and it's been a horrible 2 years since my symptoms have gotten worse. Not alot of people realize how bad it can mess you up.
@@lpsotakutrash It really is a lot to carry and I hope you have good support. Sending you all the warm and heathy vibes. You're gonna get through this!
My mom uses both my sister and me (we're grownups) to vent about my dad and asked how to deal with him. Granted my dad is impossible, he can't articulate his feelings - especially his negative feelings and has zero self reflection. When my mom visits she'll be so busy complaining that she doesn't even ask how I am doing..
Imagine that poor boy in the first one, all he’s ever done is be supportive of his mom and then he gets suspended once and she calls him attention seeking and not a decent human being. I know we’re not supposed to be judgmental, but if a parent did that to me it would break me.
It sounds like the kid snapped under the pressure and neither the school nor the mom cared to realize that since this "good kid" suddenly started doing "bad kid"(I hate this kind of labeling but it's how society looks at kids) things it meant he needed HELP not punishment.
@@ItsLexy Some kids are bad kids, but most "bad kids" ARE just kids who don't roll over and take everything and people take offense to that. Only reason why I'm not labeled that is because I'm in advanced classes and they don't want to risk me dropping out of them 😂
Yeah, so it does. It literally causes your brain to break. The first time I remember this kind of thing happening, I was 4. And I don't know what words my brain told myself AT THAT TIME, but I know NOW looking back that I became very aware that... I was kind of on my own. I won't get into the details, because I don't really want to hash it all out here, but it was a lifetime of hearing how my existence as a child, and later a teen, impacted my mom's emotional state. To be fair, she never brought her work problems or anything home to me. She and my dad would have their evening bitchfests about that which i did NOT mind hearing, because I think that was way healthier. So her need for me to take care of her was mostly around cleaning up the mess that my existence made of her life. She cried a lot. It was so scary. Then she'd apologize for "blowing her top" right after, and I'd feel SO much better and safer. I think i was about 10 or 11 when I started recognizing that it was a pattern, and her apologies didn't make me feel better or safer. Only relieved that the apology marked the end of the meltdown. But I knew she'd do it again. Now, as an adult, I have a severely avoidant response to conflict. Not because I'm afraid of not being liked or getting into trouble, but because I'm afraid that if I made my needs or boundaries understood, I will do great harm to the person with whom I need to set those boundaries. I'm afraid they will cry. I'm afraid they will hurt. I'm afraid they will go away with my boundaries and feel very alone and hurt by then. And when you grow up with a parent, who you really DO love more than anyone, constantly reminding you of how your personal boundaries and way of being are hurting them terribly, you have almost this... egocentric sense of this incredible power for evil that you must possess. And you don't want to accidentally unleash that on anyone ever again. So what comes out of THAT, at least for me, is that now I have difficulty forming and maintaining friendships and relationships. The ones I DO have, I treat those people like the most important people on earth, because I've come to care for them and now am afraid of doing them any harm. Which sucks, because them seeing me be so passive and timid DOES hurt them. I know it does because they've told me. But now I can't turn it off, because I'm so certain that just taking care of their needs is the lesser of two evils. So it makes me not want to be around people much, because that's exhausting to feel. Yeah, that shit really fucks you up. But one good thing that I think came out of all that for me, is that this issue aside, if I feel safe making a friend and come to care for them, I'm a super responsible and loyal friend. I'll lend you anything, I'll do anything to help you, if you're sad, I'll sit with you and let you talk and get ugly crying face as much as you need to. I'll build you an IKEA shelf if you're not really good at that sort of thing. I'll help you move, I'll order you uber eats if you're sick etc. I'm also not too bad in a crisis. Like I know how to handle things that might make other people fall apart. I appreciate that outcome a lot. But, yeah, because it's so hard for me to find friends that I can be myself around, alone is something I've learned to be quite a lot. Alone is so calm and orderly and the only people I need to have boundaries with are my pets and my six year old who I luckily have so far managed to have a very healthy parent-child relationship with. I can be assertive with her when it's required, because her growing up healthy and strong is more important to me than just about anything.
That’s what entitled selfish narcissists do. She blames the whole world and takes no responsibility. She expects empathy but gives none. No wonder no one likes her but amazingly this creates a feedback loop of victim mentality. So sad so many women have gone this route
Christ, imagine "teaching" your child to deal with your issues, while dumping them to the ground when they have issues. "I don't need this from you, because I have problems!" I am forever grateful for my parents at least recognizing that children aren't there to fix them.
That’s what entitled selfish narcissists do. She blames the whole world and takes no responsibility. She expects empathy but gives none. No wonder no one likes her but amazingly this creates a feedback loop of victim mentality. So sad so many women have gone this route
Also, that therapist should have been the one to say they wouldn't see that client as the wife of her ex. That is a total conflict of interest and would definitely affect therapy. She is not an outside, unbiased, objective party.
YES! This is exactly what I thought. I'm sure the reddit users name came up to the therapist at some point and it sounds like this was a situation where they were aware of each other if I'm understanding correctly. This almost seems like some kind of power play, guilt trip thing on the therapists part. As someone who had a really bad therapist, I'm concerned that this women is a therapist, so many levels of not right when you unpack it. Of all people a therapist should get that you wouldn't feel safe or comfortable opening up to your former boyfriends sidepiece who he left you for (if I understand the situation here) like WTF NO GET ME OUT OF HERE NOW, Will SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE BOUNDARIES!!!
telling anyone “you’re my only reason to live” is really not okay… clearly there’s a lot to unpack in that first situation, but putting that kind of pressure on even a spouse/friend/sibling is still inappropriate and we do need to try to work that out some other way 👀
@@luisandrade2254 no, it’s never okay. Telling anyone they’re the only reason you’re alive, is automatically putting responsibility on them that if you die, it’s their fault, and that if you’re alive, they’re in charge of someone they love not k***ing themselves.
That first one made me soooo uncomfortable; I was 23 when my nana passed (my mum's only surviving parent) and my mum has said to people that I'm the only reason she hasn't "hurt herself" and it's such a horrible position to be in. She did get therapy thankfully, but I know she's still hurting from the loss (it was very sudden and unexpected) even now. So as an adult who overheard this and got really overwhelmed by that information, I couldn't imagine HOW a 14 year old would be able to deal with it, especially when being told to their face.
The dad from the last story getting on his daughters case because she was ‘disrespectful’ to her mom hit home. It’s so hypocritical because he is constantly disrespecting her mom (and it’s probably vice-versa) but the moment his child does it he suddenly acts like he gives a shit about his wife’s respect.
I wish I had understood years ago that I could just leave a therapy session. The therapist/ doctor accused me of being a neglectful mother simply because I was disabled -- there was no real evidence for this just his prejudice. I came back for the next few weeks with evidence that I was taking care of my kids and house so that this person wouldn't call child protective services on me. After that, I never went back. It was frankly a very traumatic experience. Being disabled doesn't automatically make me a bad mother. And why does no one ask if my husband is helping/ taking care of the children and house? Nope, dump all that responsibility on the disabled woman. 🙄
Fuck that’s so terrible. I’m so sorry this happened to you! That’s never, ever okay on so many levels. Rest assured in knowing you are always allowed to leave with no explanation needed!
The second post was kind of horrifying to me when they wrote that the therapist got angry at them for wanting to nope out of there. I almost feel like the therapist also was under the impression that, by being this person's therapist, they would have power over them.
Yeah, and wasnt it the therapist's friggin job to let their practice know that this was an unsuitable client as soon as she got the name? Huuuge conflict of interest.
@@tsharabrown3719 Exactly. Personally, I wouldn't want to share any social circles with my therapist because I'd feel like I could never fully open up to them. Let alone having my ex's wife as my therapist. Overall, I think this person is not suited to be a therapist at all because they clearly lack the compassion and emotional intelligence for such a field of work.
Damn, that first woman's post already had me reeling. Ofc I don't know her, how she acts with others and her thought processes, but I am definitely sensing the little crumbs of narcissism that may be a much larger issue. As somebody who survived narcissistic abuse, what she was talking about was almost exactly how my own mother treated me at times... I can only imagine how the son is dealing with this all. That immense amount of pressure is awful.
The way she said she believes her child "owes her respect for the life ive given him" sound extremely narcissistic and abusive. My mom was the same way. Not really putting all of her shit on me but sometimes she would. But she always got on be aboue how she deserves to be treated well because she fed me 🙄 like thats what you signed up for when you decided to give birth and keep me
@@ilTHfeaa i hate it they say it as if the child had the option to be born, they didn't decide anything, the parents decided to have kids and it's their fucking responsibility to take care of them, not something to be applaud but expected. I don't understand adults that aren't able to arrange their own life but expect the child to take care of both.
Mind if I come sit in this boat with y’all? Any time I tried to establish boundaries or even express opinions that were my own (and different than hers) my mother’s favorite line was “I don’t deserve this!” said in the most soap opera/telenovela dramatic way you can imagine. Because telling her to get out of my room or that I didn’t like a singer that she loved was the height of teenage disrespect in her mind. She would threaten to stop buying me clothes or food because I disagreed about her favorite movie. Everything was always just SO dramatic. And now she can’t understand why my brother and I don’t want to be around her.
I get people have traumas and I’m sure I have blind spots but it’s still almost impossible for me to empathize with that first woman to not see or even remotely consider how distorted that behavior is! I guess I can be glad she’s at least somewhat unsure enough to ask for opinions but oof 😅
It's super easy to find that post and I'm willing to bet she didn't get the answer she wanted and either deleted the post or complained about not being supported. But from time to time a poster will surprise everyone.
Damn, I feel so bad for that first kid. Imagine what he must be feeling and going through to be told that. The immense pressure, stress and fear that would cause him to be told 'If you do one thing out of line I have no reason to exist' The second one- yikes, yikes, YIKES. I feel like that therpist really should have known better and was highly inappropriate. The conflict of interest alone, imagine if OP had stayed and started talking about the Ex who cheated on her with the therapist? Do you think she would have not defended the husband and herself instead of admitting they did a terrible thing to OP? Not to mention trying to guilt trip and pressure op with the idea of not being paid. Like I would have talked to the supervisor about it. The third story- OP is 100% right, mom is forcing a lot of shit onto OP and by sending that text Dad is enabling her. I think it's just all toxicity.
I was in a similar situation as the first kid. I can confirm that it's fearful and stressful to go through. In the fog of it, it's really easy to convince yourself that it's not that bad. It messed with my understanding of stress/fear responses so badly, that I still struggle with identifying them. I've been living away from her for about 5 1/2 years. Not saying this for pity, BTW. It's important to know how far-reaching the effects can be, and the best way to show that is by sharing what has actually happened.
My mother could have written that first post herself 30 years ago. When I was 14, during a particularly bitter argument with me, she went into the kitchen and got out her biggest, sharpest chef's knife. She tried to hand it to me, saying that if I was going to treat her with such disrespect, it would be better for me to just stab her in the heart and end her life right then, because she couldn't go on living knowing that I cared so little for her. I'm in my 40s now, and I have two teenagers myself. I also have three therapists (with different specialties) that I see regularly, because I absolutely refuse to subject my own kids to the kind of abuse that I suffered as a child, and the best way I know to do that is to work out my own $h!t with trained professionals, rather than pile all my issues onto a couple of young humans with underdeveloped brains who are still simmering in their own hormonal soup of complicated emotions.
I saw this comment before I watched that part and I thought I wouldn’t laugh after knowing it was gonna happen and I still chuckled out loud!! Haha the way she said it got me good!
that friend is a bad friend. saying that the client was overreacting to setting that boundary is soooo beyond wrong. also, with the therapist getting angry w her husbands ex… so inappropriate
Yeah, the "I did so much so he would have nothing to complain about" after all of that was just nuts to me. Also, she didnt even care enough to mention what he did to get suspended. It's just that he was "causing a burden." Does she even know or care what happened?
About parentification: I think it’s normal to some extent to have your own stuff affect your parenting or going over the line and owning up to it can include talking about these issues with your kid as part of the repair process. The problem becomes parentification when the parent expects the kid to improve their issues, it puts the burden on the kid to process them, or it exposes them to age inappropriate stuff. I only say this because it can be hard to tell when you’ve had a parent who has gone through abuse in their past what is going on and sometimes it can help with communication to talk about it and explain to the kid that it’s not about them and (age appropriately) why.
That first one...eek... my mom told me I was her best friend and told me things I never should've known as her child because she relied on me for her emotional support. It was horrible and honestly why I cringe SO hard when anybody says their baby/child is their "best friend," even if I think they seem to mean it innocently.
I ended up parenting my mom when I was little but what I think truly screwed me over was when I realized that after my grandparents took me in I essentially became my grandma's defacto caregiver. I think gratitude to my grandparents blinded me for years to what was going on, and then I grew up an extremely paranoid adult (though that was just the tip of the iceberg of things that happened to me), paranoid about my grandma getting hurt and then somehow getting blamed for it, like it would be my fault if she got hurt because I 'didn't check on her' enough. I wish I had understood when I was younger that it shouldn't have been my responsibility.
Listening to that "mom" talk about how she uses her son as her emotional pack mule while never wanting to make time to listen to his problems was exactly my relationship with my "father". To this day (him being 81 this year while I will be 29) he tries to use his children and even my mother (his exwife) as his crutches instead of getting help. I recently gave him an ultimatum to either get professional help or lose me and he basically pretended I didnt say anything... I am getting help for the trauma, I just feel sad that he will never choose to help himself.
I remember my mom telling me I was her “rock” when I was 12, after she vented to me about some heavily personal and traumatic issues, after I told her it wasn’t healthy for her to have never worked on the trauma, and putting it in a figurative box in the back of her mind and ignoring it, and I’m like how did I ever wonder why I wanted to game over in life by 6, like my sister followed me around recording me when I was having a meltdown, which my family still makes fun of me for and quotes to this day, and in 4th grade my dad slapped me in the face because I was getting distracted working on a project for hours by that point at 10 pm, with undiagnosed ADHD and autism
That therapist that complained about not getting paid saw her husband’s ex’s name and made the appointment anyways?? Yikes on several bikes. Anyways your cat’s meow melted my heart 🥺 I love cats so much
Wow that first one left me speechless. I've worked in education for over 10 years and I've seen this a lot. But I've only seen the tip of the iceberg in these situations, since my students feel comfortable coming to me for help and I refer them to the school psychologists. We also have a resources for free or reduced price therapy for their parents. This kind if behavior causes those kids a lot of problems and it's so heartbreaking. Its important to create an environment of consent and boundaries in the classroom. I actively teach them about consent and setting boundaries. So hopefully they can feel more comfortable and confident in saying "no". Because not a lot of kids get that at home. Heck, I'm not perfect either, I've caught myself asking my son for a hug and then remind myself that my son is the last person I should ask for a hug.
Oof yeah, my dad uses that a lot, or he says just hateful hateful stuff, then is all like “it’s a joke, get thicker skin” then he wonders why none of his kids see him.
Yeah, my mom it's like "oh if I can abuse you long enough until you're grown then I can guilt you into taking care of my old body." Oof. She's alone now.
God, that poor kid in the first post. I can only imagine how hard that must be to bear at FOURTEEN. I went to my mum to support her after her husband (not my dad) passed as a 25-year-old adult and THAT was hard. It was really difficult even as an adult to see my mum be that sad. Poor kid. Fucking yikes.
When I was in early stages of my mental illness disability treatment I went to state provided therapy... She wasn't a bad therapist but I felt super judged by her and was afraid to be open with her because I was afraid of being shamed. I have alot of shaming trauma. When I tried to request a new therapist they told me that they would not let me switch until I went in and told my therapist to her face what I felt (presumably to give her a chance to fix it) .... That was the most horrifying thing I could imaging doing at that point deep in trauma and illness..... Upon further reflection I believe this was deeply inappropriate of them to require that of a mentally ill client... As a professional do you agree?
It feels extremely unprofessional. I was lucky when I got into therapy in the context that I felt extremely comfortable with my therapist right away, but if I hadn't, the idea of basically telling her to her face that I wanted a new therapist would have been so horrifying that I would have just stopped therapy altogether.
@@beardiemom it did drastically effect my treatment options and choices and the overall path I've been on since.... Tbh tho I don't really feel like people like me are much of a priority in the world
@@effielove4764 I know the feeling. It's one of the reasons why it took me 5 years to finally go and see a therapist. I genuinely hope things get better for you. sending a virtual hug
“You’re the only thing that makes life worth living, can you start being a decent person for me?“ (paraphrased) omfg, my mom and groomer (someone else, not my mother- that sentence sounds a lil confusing lmao) said the some exact thing 🤮 It’s basically, “I rely on you for all of my emotional support so you better do everything I say or else” 🤮🤮🤮 edit: oh no it got progressively worse right after I commented 💀
Are you currently in this situation? If so, I'm so sorry and please know you're not alone and it will get better. I know those all sound like fake platitudes, but really you only start to see them on the other side. I hope you have/can access the support you need to get through this. Hang in there my love :)
@@kailaniclarke4718 omg thank you so much for such a kind, genuine comment 💖 fortunately, I’m out of that situation now! I really hope you have a good support system as well, regardless of what’s going on. thank you sm 😭💕
When you said your cat's like a bodybuilder I was imagining this super buff kitty with a tiny dainty mew. XD That third example is very much like my situation. Had to move back in with my parents after leaving an abusive spouse, and until I get financially independent and move out I don't feel safe setting even firmer boundaries (I've tried many times so far) with my parents about using my pronouns, and the way they treat my religion, survivor status, and other needs and concerns as less-than, all while saying they love me and using me as an emotional dumping ground. It sucks, ngl. But it's helpful to hear you affirm that that's not okay behavior on a parent's part.
My therapist of 3 years just retired and I'm terrified of looking for my next one. We klicked really well and at one point I had to try another one for a few weeks and it didn't go well at all because he kept telling me to go to church to heal my trauma (which wasn't even why I was there because my regular therapist and I had already adressed it). Hearing that it's okay to leave at any point I get uncomfortable is really helpful and I will try to remember that. Thanks
Wow that second one sure made me feel like a real professional. In my line of work I've been stiffed by clients several times, one time to the tune of hundreds of dollars on a job I drove 200 miles to complete and I have never acted like that. Sometimes I feel inadequate being an uneducated pleb but they really just let people out of graduate programs acting like that, huh?
The first story reminded me about how, because my mom's first child died of SIDS, she always expects me to be this replacement of a child. Whenever I do something she doesn't like, she brings up her first daughter. The reason why she treats me like this is because I was assigned female at birth and every other kid in my family is assigned male at birth. Thing is, I'm nonbinary. I want to be Arlo, not a replacement. I'm a separate person with feelings and I feel traumatized from being this supposed replacment. She always goes on and on about how "god blessed her with a daughter when she was on the last kid" and it makes me feel shitty when I'm not a daughter. The thing that feels the worst is that sometimes I feel like, if I were to set a boundary that I am not a woman and that I'm nonbinary and I want to be myself because masking is depressing and stressful, that she will cut me off from the rest of my family who didn't do anything and that I still want to have a relationship with.
2 года назад
Regarding the therapist saying that to her patient, I've been in similar situations. I've had therapists get angry and even belittle them when I said I wanted to stop our sessions. I can't even remember the reason why I wanted to stop the first time, but the second I remember it was a monetary issue. Both times the therapist said I was making a huge mistake and I would never get better if I left or changed therapists. I remember the first time left me really upset. I was devastated and it took me a while to trust my new therapist afterward, but the next several years in treatment with him were wonderful and I was glad to have met him. My mom also helped me a lot at the time. She's a therapist herself and she said what happened was very inappropriate and that it said more about the therapist than about myself. I think because of my mom's support and the therapist I was seeing in between I was able to deal better when it happened again a few years ago. And it was the first thing I talked about with my current therapist when I started seeing her.
2 года назад
This video was so relatable! But I realize now more than ever how lucky I am. I've suffered from depression since I was a teen and during my late teens and early 20's I went through a really tough time. My parents, though divorced had always gotten along really well, but that was the age with witch I went to college, so I left my mom's house and went to live with my dad (mom lived in a small town, whereas dad live close to most of the major colleges in the state). That was when they started arguing and disagreeing with a lot of stuff (it didn't help that my dad didn't really understand my deteriorating mental health). One day, after coming home from having dinner with our family, my dad pulled my aside and asked why I looked so upset and I broke down crying and said I couldn't take hearing them complain about each other and badmouth each other anymore. After that he called my mom and they stopped coming to me about their disagreements. I am very lucky that my father is very supportive even though he doesn't understand mental illness very well and is skeptical about therapy. He always payed for my treatment and medication when I lived with him regardless of his own opinion on the matter.
For an adult to *unlock* a door, on an adult or a teenager, when there is no emergency is disgusting and rude. What if they're writing in their diary, attending an online class, or doing personal business? They locked the door for a reason and regardless of what they reason is, it should be respected. How does one unlock a door that locks from the inside? Did this woman get a screwdriver to barge in on her adult daughter and complain? WTF?
I feel like inside doors to rooms are flimsily made, or something? this is a boundary my own mother doesn’t respect, but I had felt relatively safe until she was able to jiggle my door open in a rage recently. that was… terrifying to say the least.
@@tesshogan1885 It depends on the door/handle/lock I think. The bathroom door at home locks from inside and can only be unlocked from outside by using a flathead screwdriver on the center thing. I think it has the groove in case of emergency but not everyone knows about it. The bathrooms at work though... 2 full rooms and one of the doors can pop unlocked with a jiggle, which is also terrifying.
I had a therapist do a similar thing when I couldn’t continue to afford to go to her office. She made me feel guilty and it messed me up for awhile! Thank you for this video it was really helpful ❤️
Oh my god, just hearing the first one enraged me. I was also parentified by my mom as a child and a teen and as much as I love her, it's done its part causing my mental health issues. She was overworked, had no friends/no contact to them and I felt like I couldn't burden her with my problems as well. But the mom in this post even telling her kid this is so bad. Both of them definitely need help by a professional. Especially now with the kid acting up for attention he doesn't seem to get from his mom. Parentification has serious long term effects and we should really get this out there more, because most people and (future) parents are completely unaware of it and do this to their kids unknowingly.
As a kid, i was the resident therapist for my disfunctional family. It has forever changed me, and it gave me a ton of trauma i now have to work through. Because of this, i also had to grow up very quickly, and always prioritize others emotions and needs over mine. I literally had my mother tell me she was leaving because of me, because i was always a bit closer with my dad (mommy issues central here) i am have now finally put up healthy boundaries, and am much better after years of therapy. Thank you for bringing this up.
For the work I do, I get on consultations all the time that don't result in monetary exchange. It's part of the sales process. Sometimes people don't become clients.
So crazy that my husband is really struggling with a very similar situation today with his father. I could watch these all day! Thank you for putting out such important content in such a fun way.
I have been terrified at the thought of going to therapy due to the horror stories I've seen of inappropriate or harmful behavior by therapists. I know I have CPTSD and I hit all the symptoms for ADHD so I'm already at a higher risk of getting a therapist that doesn't fully understand how to deal with issues like mine. Your channel is completely killing that fear for me. If I can find a therapist like you when I'm able to afford it, I know I'll be in good hands.
I don’t know if you can/want to, but if it’s at all possible, I’d love to see your reaction to the “Explaining My Depression to My Mom” poem that you can find on RU-vid. It’s interesting, beautiful, and almost painfully accurate in explaining some mental health experiences along with the kind of ignorant views that can be thrown at those who are struggling. Love your videos! Have a good day/night!
Really like this video! Please do more. Especially appreciate your takes on parentification. Side note, thank you for giving specific trigger warnings!
God the narcissism dripping out of that first one is cringeworthy. I haven't even gotten through the whole thing yet and had to comment. That's my mom 100%. Ewwww, that poor kid😳😬
I've been learning more and more about boundaries when it comes to family because my family never had them. So, just to test if my mother respected boundaries I explained that I don't like it when people refer to her or my father as "mommy/daddy" because it's infantilizing in my opinion. Since then she has referred to my father as my "daddy" every time she mentions him. It was a small boundary I verbally set, it wasn't anything she actually did beforehand, but now she does it all the time. It's been very eye opening.
Idk why but my dog always loves watching your videos. 🔆 Like she usually doesn’t care about tv at all but she stares at the screen like she understands exactly what you’re saying
Also like she can vent to him about her shit but not the other way around? I'm sorry, your child's well-being is your responsibility. Even if she was talking about her friend it would be really disgusting, let alone a kid. Healthy communication is a two way street. Children are not confession booths
Lmao the “just let her do a lap” mid-point really got me and idk why 😂 what is it with pets and the constant desire to be near us in times of least convenience hahaha
That child also just lost a grandmother as well, I won’t pretend to know anything about their relationship but children process grief too! Death in the family can be so impactful for teens. That mama is out of pocket.
Once, I ended up with the same therapist as my mum, which was only one of the reasons why I was uncomfortable talking with that person, so I asked for another person. A good thing is that in Sweden, the name of the person you have an appointment with is listed.
Thank you for this video. I have adult children and I have great deal of anxiety from past traumas. Sometimes the anxiety gets to me and it leaks out to people around me. But even my adult children shouldn't have to bear the burden of my issues. I have to be more careful I don't burden them. They have their own stuff to deal with. Thank you for making me more aware of this issue. I am seeking help, but haven't found anyone that fits my specific needs yet. RTS therapists are impossible in my area. I don't think my insurance will cover out-of-state help.
I’m with the one that left the therapist’s office. The therapist should have let her leave without guilt. That was a sure sign she’s not the therapist for you. Unprofessional. She should have not taken you on.Big red flag!
The second post honestly sounds like this therapist "stole" (I know cheating is his fault still) this person's partner and then gets mad when they don't to have them as a therapist? Why, so you can go and tell the ex-boyfriend? Highly unethical as well, trying to coerce a client into talking with you when they don't trust you (hm wonder why). Trust is BUILT, and I have a feeling the therapist just wanted to get into the mind of her husband's ex or something. Idek lol.
Thank you for this. I know for me personally, but I'm sure for many others, you shed so much light on the ways that parents mistreat their children (and validation in how we feel about it). So much realization and empowerment for next steps (like therapy regarding these things), THANK YOU. ❤️
when my mom lost our grandmother, she put all of the emotional burden on me, then resented me and blamed me for not being there for her I didn't realize she was parentificating. She was never there for me when I felt traumatized by many hardship in my life, instead, she judged me for not being happy and bubbly. When she finally had a hardship, when I was around 17, I just didn't feel the energy or sympathy to go out of my way to make her feel better, although I was always there to listen when she wanted to talk. This video really opened my eye about this past event that I still felt guilty about.
Never had insurance come up in any sort of professional relationship (doctor, therapist, etc), unless I had some sort of payment arrangement (like I did with a neurologist). BTW, love your cat--reminds me of my dog, always shows me toys when I am on the phone, like "will you f'n play with ME".
Omg that first post made me want to throw up. You shouldn't be putting that much pressure on your child! That woman is absolutely "the asshole!" Her kid is going to be messed up from this.
The first one is so triggering as someone who had a mom that made me the second parent when i was 12 and I'm now realizing emotional incest occured. What a shock I'm 33 and still never married and still in therapy.
Love these AITA react videos! Also could you react to MTVs Are You the One “come one come all”/season 8 at some point? I love that it’s a romantic reality show not based in heterosexual relationships (one of the few)!
I love this series! It helps me see my own life more clearly, which is good. But more than that, your approach to explaining what seems to be going on helps me be less judgmental and have more compassion for others, even when I don't know the whole story. That leads me to have more compassion for myself too. I would love to see more of these!
My mom used me as a therapist all the time. Honestly, the situation in the first and last stories is a lot like my own. Needless to say, I don't talk to my mom anymore.
I believe video etiquette requires that you show us the cat if we can hear said cat making a fuss. (Werner Herzog voice) "I would like to see the baby"
Ah Mickey I love your content so much!!! Thank you so much for talking about parentification and providing so much good info and context about it 🥰 I really appreciate your channel - thank you so much for all of the work you put into it 💜
that first post sounded way too similar to my mother. Hearing how fucked that behaviour is really soothed the child in me, that had to be a parent and a therapist for her
Yeah... my parents taught me when I was not even 6 y.o. that I should care about their expectations, not my desires. And I should also care about all my emotions and needs myself, while doing that. So now I have C-PTSD! Yikes! At least after all these years of unintentional gaslighting from my parents I get the proffessional help I desperately needed all this time ☺
As someone who has been very much like a therapist for both of my parents (telling me all the stuff that they really should see a therapist for) it honestly feels so comforting to hear, even though I knew it deep down, that that behavior is not okay. I used to think it was okay because I do want to go into the psychology and therapy field. I want to be a therapist. But to have both of my parents dump their issues on to me from the ages of 13-now 17 is not okay.
I think you forgot to add the notification at 4:05 Thanks a lot for the work you put into this, I really appreciate even the lightest and for-fun videos.
I always don’t expect to get triggered when it’s about stuff I went through. I’ve definitely been parentified. But hearing you talk about it is validating :))
Love your content!! And these videos especially! I am halfway through my masters program for clinical mental health counseling/school counseling and these videos help me see things as their applied in your experience(I haven’t gotten to intern/practicum yet)!
There are entries on Reddit (like the first & third) that make me feel less alone with my upbringing. Sometimes I seek them out. Some of us got crap parents. I’m am so grateful for resilience, and the amazing people that helped me become a badass human. You’re not lost because your DNA came from lost people.
TW: Parentification That poor young man in the first one.... my mother did this to my brother when he was 12. She was suffering so much and she'd talk to him about her feelings. He saw her cry and could do nothing. That sense of helplessness stayed with him for an incredibly long time. She began to resent him when he turned 14 or 15 and started to not want to be around his mother all the time.
