Therapist Reacts To: Tolerate It by Taylor Swift! 

When she sings "Believe me, I could do it", it feels like she is trying to convince hersel she can do it cause deep down she knows she won't leave.

What's painful about this song is that the characters tolerate each other differently. One tolerates the efforts, and one tolerates their one-sided relationship.

To me, the fact that she ends the song with how it begins, makes me feels like the last chorus, where she threatens to leave, is all a daydream, a fantasy. She can imagine her leaving this situation an moving on, but the fact of the matter is, she's not strong enough at this point to actually do it, maybe never will be, and she’s stuck in this viscious cycle of what if, but will never act on it

I was over 60 and just divorced after 25 years when this album came out. This song hit so hard and I was amazed a girl of 29/30 could so clearly understand where I had been for years. Still tough to hear this and feel it again.

When Bejeweled came out, I immediately thought of the person in tolerate it. What if she's the person bejeweled and actually managed to leave him and learned how to shine on her own again

This song is so relatable. Breaking free was painful but I'm fine now

When you have been made to feel like you don't deserve to exist, being tolerated seems like the biggest love possible.

Not sure if anyone has talked about this yet but during quarantine Taylor took tons of inspiration from books and movies and tolerate it was inspired by the novel Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier. It’s about a woman who feels gaslit and manipulated by her new husband and his home staff and feels haunted by his late wife’s presence in the home.

This song to me is her being like "I'll leave! I can do it! Watch me!" but then not being able to

personally ive always interpreted this song as a relationship between a child and parent, i think it could be seen as not just a romantic relationship. like the lyric “i know my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it.” when you’re a child you should be the most important thing in your parents eyes, but knowing they are just tolerating you and knowing they just put up with you is so heartbreaking and confusing to a child. and especially the bridge of the song, “where’s that man who’d throw blankets over my barbed wire? i made you my temple my mural my sky now i’m begging for footnotes in the story of your life.” it’s like, you are my entire world, all i’ve ever known, but no matter what i do for you, you won’t ever see me that way. “you assume i’m fine but what would you do if i break free and leave us in ruins? take this dagger in me and removed it” feels like growing up and seeing how your parent truly is, and wanting them to be different, begging them to change. but they never will, so the cycle just repeats. but especially at the end of the song when it repeats “if it’s all in my head tell me now tell me i’ve got it wrong somehow” no matter how much older you get you will always long for that parent-child relationship you didn’t get, it’s almost like being in denial about the hand you got dealt and wishing they would just undo it all and say sorry for once.

My POV for "If it's all on my head tell me now, tell me I got it wrong somehow" is when she's in denial for him, she was hanging onto him and hope that he would say she was wrong and there is still hope for them. If he would just show some signs that their relationship can still be saved. 😢😢 And the "throwing blanket over my barbed wire" is so sad because she used to use that metaphor in Invisible String which is a song about how they overcome their own hardships and found each other.

This song made me feel exactly the same, that this is a toxic relationship with a narcissist.

This video is one year therapy in 20 minutes. Thank you!!!

Taylor just loves to write the most hurtful things that always resonate with me

I was raised by a narcissistic mother and this song pretty much describes my relationship with her. When she talks about indiscretions, I remember a lot of embarrassing comments my mom used to make, to put me down and embarrass in front of others; or when she talks about doing everything for the person and never being enough. Thinking that my love should be celabrated but it's tolarated. That's exactly how it is with a narcissistic parent. Currently, I can say that I've already moved on to the bridge phase, where the person manages to get rid of the abuse (nowadays I only talk to my mother about the essentials and I don't live with her anymore), so I'm MUCH better.

when she says "[i] use my best colors for your portrait", it always makes me think of how she's taking all the best she has to offer, her best "colors", and she's giving it all to him, having nothing left for herself. she's making his portrait with her best paint and colors, but what about her portrait? what colors is she to use for herself if all of her best ones she used on him?

I'm not a therapist, and I haven't played one on TV (an old joke) but my own takes on this... "Used my best colors for your portrait", makes me think, she used her best colors (best descriptors) to portray who he is to her friends and family.(is that the same thing you said?) "Now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life", just killed me. Totally broke my heart. I love when she starts and ends a song with the same words, "I sit and watch you", but in this case, it's like I know what's going on, I don't like it, I could choose to change it, but I'LL tolerate it. I was almost as concerned for you, for your reaction to this as I was for your 'Forever Winter' reaction.

When she says “I took your indiscretions all in good fun” I saw that as she took his wrong doings, his slights to her, “in good fun” like she’d laugh it off to his friends. This is such a powerful song and I really lived this relationship before. She has such a way of relating to everyone

For me when I hear this I think about my mom and the NPD abuse I endured growing up. As a kid I always believed my mom was best friend, she parentified me. I did everything for her, I would do anything for her, I truly believed she didn’t mean to hurt me, and would forgive all her “indiscretions” and believed everything was my own fault. My goals from a very young (like 5/6yrs) were groomed to do everything to make her happy, as it equaled “love” to me. When you have that aha moment about it and realize your relationship for what it truly is…this song is it. This song came out when in therapy with her deciding to go non-contact for my mental health, and Taylor describes this process so perfectly “what would you do if I break free and leave us in ruins? Take this dagger in me and removed, gain the weight of you then lose it. Believe me I could do it. If it’s all in my head tell me now, tell me I’ve got it wrong some how. I know my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it.” The whole song, the inner child begging for the unconditional love of a mother, but for someone with NPD love is always conditional, they will never see you a person and always an extension of themselves and someone who should always do the most for them, while they “tolerate it” and always expect it and will not reciprocate. If this sounds familiar to you, and you’re contemplating going no contact, go to therapy, start choosing you first ❤

Girl you let a lit candle roll off somewhere!!! you weren't even bothered IM WHEEZINGGGG

I always think of this from a father/daughter relationship and I sob every time. I know she’s probably talking about a romantic relationship but so many similar themes in absent fathers.

Being a queer girl with a homophobic father, this song also hits hard

THE CANDLE ROLLED OFF AND IT COULD BE BURNING YOUR HOUSE DOWN AND YOU DONT EVEN CARE!!! 😂😂

I have a sweatshirt with the bridge on it. This song is my absolute favorite off of Evermore. Tears every time 😢

That "gain the weight of you then lose it" line made me think of Miss Americana, where she said that the had struggled with an eating disorder. Maybe this means she got healthier because he kept her from going there (emotional dependence) but once they split she relapses (and loses that weight she gained). Even if the song is not autobiographical, maybe she drew inspiration from that kind of patterns to build the narrator in the song. Btw, this song has beautiful literary references to Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier, a book that you would probably love 🤓😚

Really enjoying your Taylor reactions! On the flip side of this, the song Happiness is one of the healthiest and most visceral depictions of a breakup I've heard. I'd love to see you react to that.

For sure this song represents emotional dependence and just a person that had this kind of relationship knows how hard it is to get deserve love you want from the other person, especially when this person is a narcisist. Every part of the song is she trying to get his atention and how hard it is being not seen enough. A person who has emotional dependence sees the problems of the relationship like a normal thing and just ignore all of them. Same time she/he puts the other person in first place where he/she doesnt belong.

Right Where You Left Me is a rich song to analyze, very sad too

This is the most powerful song Taylor has ever made in my opinion. It really it deep. And you can truly feel the words.

Between you and my dog I think I get through what’s going on in my life. Financially can’t afford a therapist but this is a huge help for people like me

When i heard this song, i really though that when she sang "you're so much older and wiser and i wait by the door like i'm just a kid" she dosent mean literally older and wiser, ig she just does a paradoxe to show the podium witch we tend to put people we really like even when they make us fell like kids waiting for then to love us instead of tolerate us

I used to think that this song is about someone's relationship with their father and all so at the same time the expectations for a partner. As an adopted child who has lost her birth parents by abandonment and adoptive parents due to their abusive problems, this really hit me. And realizing that as an adult I was seeking for those abusive relationships because those I could cope with because it was familiar to me. Always felt like I took too much space and time. No matter how beautiful portrait I drew of them to others it didn't matter. I gained the weight of them and lost it. I feel unwanted and just tolerated in so many ways. 💔

THIS SONG REALLY HURTS ME A LOT LOOOOL. You just can feel her emotions. For the part of I sit and watch you, it's usually when you're already getting out of that lavender haze and finally, reality is starting to sink in and you start to notice the flaws of the relationship but you don't want the relationship to end but you also dont want to impose what you want or what you need so you just "sit and watch" hoping he notices and reads the signs. "I notice everything you do or dont do" - having some kind of expectation from your partner as well and it just doesn't match anymore.. but then he is so much older and wiser so she asked him for assurance that it's all just in her head. @Mend with Mere listen and react to "YOU'RE LOSING ME" She was giving her a chance to salvage the relationship. But once your love feels like it's just being "tolerated" I think it's really hard to come back from that.

3:50 the way you describe this lyric, shining for somebody else makes me recall a lyric from another taylor swift song- (all too well 10 min version) the idea you had of me who was she? a never needy ever, lovely jewel who’s shine reflects on you for more context, all too well was written about her relationship with jake gynelhall who was in fact much older than her at the time she was dating him and there’s one more age reference in that song which is- and i was never good at telling jokes but the punchline goes, “i’ll get older but your lovers stay my age” which implies that jake has always had a preference for dating younger girls and his current girlfriend is also the same age taylor was when she was dating with him. this creates a lyric parallel since in tolerate it, the narrator justifies all the discontentment of the relationship by saying that their partner is older and wiser, showing that the narrator is vulnerable and can’t seem to leave. i loved your take on this, you should definitely react to mirrorball and this is me trying !

Hi All! If you have any friends you think would like my channel, please ask them to like and subscribe!

This is my favorite breakdown of this song and i could feel your emotion as well while watching and it brought tears to me eyes 😢❤

"I gotta light a candle for this" girl, same.

This song reminds me of my dad. He's never around for anything I do in my life and for my emotional needs. My mom does a decent job at giving my emotional needs but I still crave for it. I relate to this song a lot

To me the line, "Gain the weight of you and lose it" is about physical intimacy, and the emotional closeness. The actual, physical weight of them during sex, and the emotional connection that creates. And then the "lose it" line is about the ability to walk away from them, and to end the relationship. It's basically saying, "You think I won't break up with you? That you're the best or only thing out there? That I can't imagine a life without you? Watch me walk away"

Unfortunately I can relate to this song very accurately 😭

I'm a simple person, I see Taylor I click ahah I loved your reaction, can't wait to see more ❤

I honestly believe this is about Joe because of the line "where's that man who'd throw blankets over my barbed wire" because in invisible string she said this "Something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire" and after listening to you're loosing me, it all makes sense. When she said "took this dagger in me and remove it, gain the weight of you then lose it, believe me I could do it" like she’s saying to joe she’s already breaking. Then in your loosing me she said "I'm getting tired even for a phoenix Always risin' from the ashes" "Every mornin', I glared at you with storms in my eyes. How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dyin'?I sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick. My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick" like joe always saying to her that there fine. Everything is fine. And in the end of the she said " I sit and watched you" like she’s saying joe ignoring her signs and warning. And lastly in Bejeweled she said that "Don't put me in the basement When I want the penthouse of your heart" here she's saying she finally removed the dagger and learned that she can still shine on her own again.

most heartbreaking song of Taylor. I could say 🥺🤎

Hi! I love your videos and just subscribed☺ For me this song has a very different meaning. As a gay person, I relate to this song from the perspective of myself dealing with people, especially family, who tolerate me and don't cut me off but never really celebrate or fully accept my real self. I would do anything for these people and yet they just tolerate me and that is such a terrible feeling. I remember Taylor once said about the lgbt community "I don't just tolerate you, I celebrate you." This may not necessarily be what Taylor wrote the song about, but I personally find a lot of comfort in seeing this song this way.

Back binging your videos now. This song feels as the show Mad Men to me. Business men, young girls and lots of indiscretions

Brilliant! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts about this painful but also beautiful song💞

I love the care you have for Taylor 💖💖 you’re right about how strong she is she came back with a bang

Thank you so much I love this reaction...you got a new fan in me 😘😘

I love listening to you. I'm a psychotherapy student from Austria and a Taylor Swift fan and I always dissect her lyrics myself. So nice to hear your impressions :) greetings from Vienna

this song is so deeply beautiful. as someone who has been in relationships where i felt like i was just something they had to deal with i've used this song to help me explain parts of it to my current partner and it's been so helpful and healing. the first time i played this song for them and explained how i relate to it they sat and held me and made sure i was okay so im thankful for this song as a way to cope with my past and as a way to strength my future.

U are fantastic, Mere!

Hii! This is the first video I've seen from you! absolutely LOVE this!! I am a big swiftie and am also wanting to go into the mental health field (specifically psychiatry)!

I just want to say, as an aside, that the candle falling made me laugh so loudly... which was a needed bit of levity as tears were filling my eyes. ☺💜 I just love how it barely fazed you, and I jumped with concern 😂

I think the watching lyrics are about her idolizing him, not because she's anxious or on edge. This song is about her loving him deeply and he doesn't feel the same way.

Thank you for breaking that down! Love this song even more now. 💔

Amazing video and a great take on this powerfull song. I like how you analys the lyrics the same way i do, thats why most of her songs realy hit me so deep even if they are from folklore or Red or what ever of hers.

cried right at the start ♡ love your content ♡ ♡ ♡

Damn! What a spot on analysis! Well done!

Girl just here to tell YOU i am from brazil and i LOVE your reactions OMG🫶🏻 you deserve the world

so glad i found your channel. keep up with the great content

Personally i think the song's protagonist is still stuck with that relationship. The ending line "I sit and watch you" is the same as the beginning of the song, which gives me a picture of the protagonist just musings in her head (HA!) while they're watching their partner. In the end, they tolerate their partner tolerating them.

I just saw that you've reacted to The 1. I'll watch that next. Another one of my favorites is Mad WOMAN. And the ultimate take your power back song.. Vigilante Shit.

Loved your reaction !!

I'm binge watching your videos and I'm loving your analysis. It makes me realize how little I actually pick up on. I already loved and related to Taylor's song, but your analysis just bring so much more depth to the lyrics I already loved. Thanks for this amazing content ❤

you gave a whole other meaning to this song for me!

I really love your videos. Hoping for more.✨🦋

A few months ago I reached out to my partners x wife - she sent me a link to this video. It kills me that we both had these exact same emotions Praying for anyone who comes into this type of relationship and that they get out

Hi! I loved your analysis of this song, it's from those Taylor songs you just don't want to relate to, but I do, I see it in a different scenario than an abusive relationship. I see it also as an abusive parent-child relationship, like when Taylor says "use my best color for your portrait" and "I know my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it". When LGBT people come out, sometimes parents aren't very supportive, our love SHOULD be celebrated, but other people just 'tolerate it' because they don't fully accept it. We look for the approval of the most important people in our lives (in some cases, our parents) and it hurts to see that we 'disappoint' them. Of course, it depends on each person's understanding of the song, but it's another way of interpreting this song. PS: I've been binge-watching all your videos, LOL. You're awesome

Mere. I so enjoy your reactions and analysis of Taylor's music. I recently spent some time contemplating why her music affects me so deeply. It seems some of the reasons have to do with not having fully expressed and allowed myself to experience the emotions from my past. I am 77 years old and became a Taylor fan in early 2020. Her amazing gift of painting pictures so vividly and with universal themes has provoked long lost parts of myself and deeper understandings. Her artistry is unparalleled and for me explains her appeal and devotion from so many. She gives experiences of being heard and understood doesn't she. An avatar for the human spirit? As for crying on the internet, I once heard a Buddhist teacher say (I paraphrase) there is so much suffering that we should be seeing a lot more crying in the world. Just subscribed. Thank you💗

I was listening to the video at night, with headphones and the voice effects scared me a lot hahaha

Your videos are becoming into a safe place for me

I love this reaction and this analysis

I hope TS finds her Prince! Someone who Loves her harder than she Loves! She deserves to be Loved & respected! She sings & writes from her heart. Love TS! She is so smart & just wears ger heart on her sleeve! The real deal! I say Taylor Swift for The President of the United States! ❤🫶👏

I love your content so much, I've seen all of your taylor Swift reactions and I'm working through the other content you make. I think you should react to the song, Right Where You Left Me. Its a song about loss of a relationship and longing for the relationship to come back. Its a great song.

I'd love to see you react to Illicit Affairs and Champagne Problems

for me when she says "believe me i could do it" its like shes trying to convince herself more than anyone else.

please please react to the performance of this song on the eras tour 😭😭😭😭 it’s so amazing and it gives so much emotion

The weight is the weight of the abuse. The weight of the trauma. The weight of the pain.

Great video!!! I love your content. ❤ Also I wanna say that you would be really cool if you made a video analyzing "tolerat it" thought queer lens in a daughter/father relationship, to me it makes so much sense this perspective. I say this because Taylor has a radio interview where she's talking about queer people and she says exacly this: "I don't just tolerate the way you are, I celebrate the way you are". Many lyrics in this song point to that relationship dynamic "You're so much older and wiser", "Wait by the door like I'm just a kid". It's really childlike and demonstrates power and manipulative behavior from the man and this is really common in son/daughter and parents relationship, especially if you're queer. In the song the speaker says they make so much effort to be seen and loved but the other person for some reason don't appreciate them, which in this case I think it's probably lgbtq+fobia. Also the first time I heard the line "Use my best colors for your portrait" I immediately thought about a kid drawing their parents, 'cause when you're a kid you often see your parents as your heroes, and to me she's saying that, that she continues to portrait her father in a good way, even if it isn't true. As well as the line "Where's that man who'd throw blankets over my barbed wire?", to me that implies that the person that once protected her is now the person who is causing harm, wich is interesting because when you queer you suffer so much in the world outside you home, but frequently you are hurt at home by the people that should love and protect you. That's what I think, maybe it got a little too personal for me because I struggle with this issues at home and that's why this song it's so importante to me as a trans man, but I think it's really interesting to analyze from this perspective. Sending love ❤

I agree with your analysis of the song😊

The “use the best colors for your portrait” reminds me of being a kid and saving my favorite colors for my favorite part of what i was coloring..:usually was a butterly.

your hair is so beautiful

YOU ARE SO SMART!!!

this songs reminds me of my mother

This song wow... so so sad. I really absolutely learned so much from ur insight. thank you ❤

I loved your analysis! It's actually similar to what I thought the first few times I listened to this song. However, since I once saw someone pointing out that Taylor has used the phrase "I celebrate you, not tolerate you" referring the lgbt community, and how this song could be about a queer person talking about their homophobic parent, I haven't been able to see it any other way, and it's so heartbreaking.

“Gain the weight of you then lose it” given what’s she’s shared about her eating disorder and what you mentioned about narcissistic abusers being very image-focused, this line makes me think that the abuser maybe would make fatphobic comments to the narrator and kept her “under control” by literally policing her body. And so she’s saying “I could take back control of my own body” Also, there was a tweet years ago that said something along the lines of “my partner told me I could lose some weight, so I lost 150lbs and now I’m single” meaning they broke up with the partner. It could be a double meaning.

love your videos and reactions so much. i hope you'll make a video about this songs too. 1st one is called right where you left me 2nd one is champagne problems 3rd one is exile by taylor swift ♡♡♡

I always think about the best colors thing as using her time and resources all for him. Portraits were often used as big gifts for loved ones in the past, and in a time when some paint colors were more difficult to create or obtain or could cost way more, "[using] my best colors for your portrait" I feel like is a reference to the idea that sometimes we lavish someone we love with money and time and gifts so they will like us more

Even though I’m 5 years older than my ex this song describes a lot of how he made me feel & I’ve been trying to understand it

I love your reactions and analysis of taylor's songs pleaseeeee REACT TO ILLICIT AFFAIRS, I'm pretty sure you will like it.🤍

You are so beautiful. Thank you for your videos!

It's such a smart and clever and intelligent song - it needs no explaining, it's explains itself. The song for itself is a therapy. It's ironic.

i knew that candle was goin to fall! OMG girl

Fun fact! This song was inspired when Taylor was reading the book “Rebecca” by Daphne du Maurier, saw how the male lead was just tolerating his wife (the main character), and it reminded Taylor of a past situation in her own life.

this song is my first marriage. good news…second time is the charm!! 😊❤️

I’m sorry, but the candle rolling and falling SENT me 🤣🤣🤣🤣

She has to watch tolerate it performed on the eras tour

loved it

I really liked this video! I would love to see you react to coney island by Taylor :)