Things Narcissists Say To You at Discard 

They treat you like trash so it's easier to throw you away.

They are playing a character. There is no true self. You fell for a character that mirrored you

The Devil masquerades as a Angel of light! Don't take back that Devil!

👁👁 "You're too needy." This wasn't exactly how you phrased it, but it's the same thing.

“You don’t know relationship dynamics.” Well, I know enough I don’t want one with a sociopath.🙄

They project exactly what they are doing, it's like we are their mirror they talk to

The coldest and worst thing she ever told me was, " i dont know why you are so upset, its just a break up". Uh, 7 years together isnt " just a break up". Cold black heart.

With a look of utter disgust on his face he said to me “I used to think you were so sweet”! I think it translate into...I thought you were a total doormat but I was wrong.

After a three and a half years of relationship, it went like this.... "I might as well be honest, I've met a better woman who meets my high standards and I will be pursuing her." At which point, it was ME who said, "I hope it works out for you because I will never speak to you again nor will I ever think well of you again." And I meant that. Do you know why I was considered a sub-standard woman? Well, it was because the year prior, I had caught him seeing someone else, and I cussed him up one side and down the other. I used words that I didn't even know that I knew! 😅 He said that a true Christian woman would never speak that way.... Well guess what, Mr. Toxic Pile of Pig Poo? A good Christian man wouldn't be cheating with other women in a committed relationship! I hesitate to use the word relationship. It was a demonic entanglement. Thank you Paula! Spot on as usual!❤️

Out of the blue (literally went to work said he loved me with all his heart and soul came home a different person) My ex said he just wanted to be alone, he felt tied down and though we had an amazing connection, something was just missing. By the next day I had figured out he had been having an affair for the last 3 years (and looking back it was the whole 8 years he always had several other women). It’s weird how you see everything clear once your out of the narcissists games

I had our baby girl..... she was a few months old when he told me I was unattractive, boring and unsexy . I was recovering from a c section ..... he left me for other supply. I felt like I had been ran over by a freight train. But by god I got back up and learned about this disorder. I never let him back in.

During the relationship I started to notice how I disliked the way I looked in pictures regardless of the occasion. I always saw deep emotional pain in my smile. When I ended the relationship I saw a major difference. I had no idea that a narc could destroy without you even knowing.

I think one of their favorites is to tell you that you're crazy when you start catching on. You're no use to them if you figured them out and so they have to discard you and make you feel like it's your fault.

People break up, but with the narc, it's a weird powerplay where they dump on you, project their darkness on you, feel entitled, and get this, they come back for more! Don't let them back in.

They always say let’s be friends we can always be friends that’s the way to keep the door open so they can use you as a doormat

The discard phase was the most hurtful thing I have ever experienced. The man I adored would swing from lovebombing one second to that dead-eyed stare/absolute hatred in his eyes the next with absolutely no trigger. From being the most loving person ever to stone-cold in an instant. From 'don't ever change, you are perfect' to 'whats wrong with you, you are crazy' in the same breath. It was absolutely insane and a total headf*ck...there is no way to deal with that behaviour.

"You made me do/say what i did" is a classic! 😂 They are literally insane.

I got one for ya “I can’t stand when you’re around your kids…because than there’s 3 of you”

My narc discarded me yesterday, It was the strangest reason ever. He was backing up and I saw a pickup coming. I said, truck is coming honey. He yelled DO YOU WANT TO DRIVE? I said I didnt know if you saw it or not is all. A few mins later he said was done and asked me to move my stuff out of his house. Thank goodness I still had my own home. I asked what did I do? He couldnt tell me because I didnt do anything.

Just happened tonight! NEVER in 32 years did he ever act so cold, cruel, blaming...no accountability of his angry issues, lies, deceit, no apology! As though I would want to keep in 'flavor' of him to 'possibly ' inherit' his new found wealth (inheritance). Dangling 'money' and an 'asset trust' which he repeatedly said was Revocable (can change on a whim, which he did)! Vicious, cruel and evil. Unfortunately, his wealth inheritance totally changed him or drew out extreme narcissistism within 6 months! Don't even recognize the person he now shows! So glad I didn't move out of state to the new home he bought (which I was supposed to inherit). He replaced me on his estate trust when I didn't immediately move in. Didn't like that I wanted to visit for a while first. Thank God I am sane enough to not jump in for the sake of money. The discard was so cruel, . His text messages were full of contradictions. His recall of events all twisted while he raged, yelled and did not allow me to say but a few words. He went from 'nothing has changed', full of love to everything has changed and barely fond of me...within 5 days! Good riddance.

Projection is so big with narcissists - it's almost creepy!

All I told my husband when he brought divorce papers home was "all I wanted was for you to hold my hand"...something I had begged for during 36 years of marriage. His reply? " I can't. " That was it for me.

"Since you don't see my value, I'm going to find someone who does" (second narc)

My ex sent me an email after the discard stating that I was the love of his life, that he’d always love me, that the 2 years we spent in CA were the happiest years of his life,...blah...blah...blah. This was after he had cleaned out our joint bank account and had stolen thousands of dollars from me. These Narcs are parasites...

My Narc said NOTHING. NOTHING. It's been over 4 months. He has not reached out or tried to at all. It's been difficult but as time goes on it's really a blessing of the highest order. 😊

"You are dysfunctional, you better look for someone who is as dysfunctional as you are", and also "You take take take and I always give give give, but I am scraping the bottom of my pit, and I cannot give any more, you drain my energy"

The day I told him that he’s emotionally and psychologically abusive is the day he started to pull back.

Be careful out there ladies, where I live if you go out with someone for two years the courts deem it a defacto relationship and they can take you to court for all they can get. (australia) The guy I was dating basically moved him self in over time more and more of his stuff was ending up at mine, he didnt leave for two months, then I got the guts to put all his stuff together and told him to take it. But he had packages sent to mine, mail sent to mine, joined a club giving my address. Gawd Im glad hes out of my life.

I feel sorry for the people that gets a gut punch discard that have no idea what’s going on. Half the battle is being aware of the play book

how I got away from the first narcissist I knew - I said "you're right. I'm not emotionally capable of being in a relationship with you and I need to go home to my parents like you said I do. " He had been horribly abusive-physically, emotionally, sexually- to the degree that I was afraid I might not survive any attempt to leave. But when I made him believe that I believed he was right, he actually helped me pack and let me go.

They are insane!!..I really believe this.

“You’re very handsome, you’ll find someone else”, still can’t wrap my head around that parting shot.

After getting caught with his deceptions, he said "are you calling me a liar?" Wow unbelievable...🤮

the female narc creature I had the misfortune of running into used "no woman will ever want you"... I really hope I get the chance to use that on her.

I never knew what a narcissist was until I started googling things he was doing making me feel crazy. When I found out what he was and none of his tricks worked on me I quickly left him one day I packed everything up and left him a note, it literally hurt him so bad he was like a wounded bird he is usually the one that discards he probably never been broken up with before. I’m so lucky and thankful I found him out before he completely ruined me! Learned an extremely valuable lesson out of all of this! Set boundaries and love yourself and never put anyone on a pedestal put yourself up there, also never ignore the red flags 🚩 there were so many and I was just like heyyyyyy it’s a carnival 😮

After 35 years married, he told me he regretted the day he married me. He told me if he had known how lonely he would be, he would never have married me. He said he was attracted to younger more healthier people. I was told I am a hoarder, slovenly, intellectually lacking, make things up, exaggerate and a drunk, etc. He told me we never shared good times together. When I asked if there was someone else, he told me that I was looking for a scapegoat. After discovery of the other woman, he stonewalled me and avoided me in the house for over three months. He left and I filed for divorce and he moved in immediately with a completely different woman he had just met. Listening to your post reiterated to me that this is not normal behavior and it is the disorder talking. Divorced two years and still healing.

Very well encapsulated. Not to make excuses for narcissists, but your video made me reflect on something. The reason narcissists perhaps see a competition, have difficulty giving, is they had so much taken from them. It’s like an attempt to compensate for what they were robbed of as children, but it actually becomes Machiavellian overcompensation, manipulative exploitation. They cannot feel safe unless they are certain they have absolute power before and during the discard. They cannot tolerate ever again feeling the shame and humiliation they felt in childhood abuse so 1. that their sense of survival requires ruthless hardening, withholding, not openness, giving 2. They project the childhood humiliation onto the discard. Just my thoughts…

My narcissists favorite comment is " you're emotionally unstable" .after provoking a response by crazy making. And the gaslighting! It's insane

1:38 THE MOST IMPORTANT THING EVER SAID ABOUT THIS TOPIC Narcissism is a personality disorder. That means there is a checklist of patterns, behaviors, and ways of thinking. I have firm boundaries about how I will be treated so I have never let narcissists into my life. However becoming aware of these patterns was eye opening. In the past I didn't have words for these kinds of people. They were just "not good people" that I refused to associate with. Dr. Ramani systematically taught me all the patterns. Now when I interact with "not good people" it goes like: 1) Oooh that was a gaslighting statement 2) There's the devaluing remarks 3) I wonder if there is unregulated rage? Oh wait, it's happening, there it is 4) Hmmm I haven't heard a grandiose statement yet (3 minutes later)... Oh there is it & it has a put down on someone else too Videos like this are so important. Knowing these patterns is eerie & also comforting. They occur almost WORD FOR WORD regardless of the individual doing them. The interaction turns starts out confusing, disorientating, scary but if you know the patterns, 2-3 minutes in you instantly realize what is happening. Once you realize what's happening the situation becomes... amusing. I instantly realize: 1) This isn't about me and I can tune it out 2) This person's actions are going to be x, y, and z 3) There is no possibility of an interpersonal relationship here. Any involvement will negatively impact my life, I need to leave

This is something I've wondered about a great deal; everyone I've ever spoken to or texted with whos been through a relationship with a narcissist says exactly the same thing. It literally is as though their torturers all read the same textbook on how to be a narcissist. We all have remarkably similar experiences.

My husband discarded me a month after we got married. He took off with another married woman for several months. In the discard phase my husband took the deepest trauma I went through and threw it in my face. For example: I went through abuse from my dad growing up, in the discard phase, he said “you’re just like your dad” when I’m nothing like him. I was also at my happiest still in the honeymoon phase after the wedding, he told me my happiness was all fake and he couldn’t stand it. He compared me to the affair partner in the end saying I wasn’t as beautiful as her and he wasn’t attracted to me. We just got married, how sad… I actually believed him. I no longer believe him. He was abusive physically, emotionally and financially in the discard phase as well. He would yell and scream in my face, he drained our bank account and tried to break my wrist. I filed a restraining order against him while our divorce finalizes… Im so happy to be free and safe. I can’t wait to heal and move on to a way better man.

Then they would say we could’ve always gone to therapy knowing that they would never go to therapy

I was told I was too needy and required to much attention .

Yes, "all of your family and friends hate me", "you think you're perfect!", "you're always right and I'm always wrong, so what's the point?" and my favorites, "you care too much about what others think of you" and "you're so judgmental!"

“I deserve better!” One of the last things he said to me.

Here's one for you. I had a high school boyfriend who I always kept up with to a certain extent after my family moved away. I tried to end it several times, but I didn't realize he was keeping me a string. Later, in our mid-20's we got back together. I was not in great shape because I had been part of a lay-off that pretty much ended the career I had prepared for. He was moving in a couple of months to go to graduate school. We spent a couple of months together. It was kind of weird but I thought it might be OK. He moved. I went overseas for a few months. When I came back, I went to see him. Love bomb. I thought it was wonderful...for a few days. Then, the girlfriend wanted to know where he was... I said let's just have a beer and talk about old times, then let it go. But he had to go "off" to "decide" what was going to happen. When he came back, said "I'm sorry, but you are just not good enough for me. I am going to have a Ph.D. and she is going to have a Ph.D. You only have a bachelors and you are unemployed (like this was a permanent situation)." He looked so sincere and so condescending. He was clearly enjoying hurting me. I was shocked and I left. A few months later, I got a letter. He had been kicked out of his Clinical Psychology program because of his personality. (Of course, it was the "fault" of one professor.). By then, I was on my way to graduate school myself and a new career. Payback!

Also my experience, the older they get, the more brutal and sadistic they get and they hide it less..

Here's a verbatim first discard right before holidays when I was an expat in China with no friends or family. This man was born and raised in China and the speech is exactly the same. "I never meant to hurt you.now I feel sad and guilty! I apologize for fucking up all, and appreciate you for the lovely moments we have. Although you said you have nothing to talk with meI still wanna meet you.But maybe not recently, after a while when you feel it's ok. Say sorry again here.I'm a bastard. If you need me to do any favors for you just ask anytime you want. I owe you that." I said I wasn't interested in friendship now or later and took a flight to korea where I had friends. He wanted me at the airport to hoover with crocodilo tears (he had a degree in acting). Just buying time because he hadn't assure another source of supply so had to get back to me. The 2nd discard was merciless and no pity speech like the firt one. Narcissist or not never go back to a man who has dumped you. A man wouldn't dare to lose the woman he loves.

I ticked quite a few boxes here! The list for me seemed endless - you're too needy, too sensitive, argumentative, you turn everything into an issue, it's your baggage that's the problem, you need help, you're not well, you don't respect me anymore, how dare you say I'm to blame for any of this, you said it was all your fault. He was a master manipulator, jokingly referred to himself as having a silver tongue. Well I think that silver tongue is well and truly tarnished. A cruel controlling man who then alienated me from my teenage children because they too believed that I had mental health issues (which to be fair I ended up with due to the psychological abuse). It's taken many years to try to heal but have moments of clarity and hope thanks to people like you Paula. Thank you and best wishes.

My ex cheated on me 3 times (might be more) in 39 years of marriage. she said that it was all my imagination and nothing happened. I caught her in our bedroom cheating twice and she said that it never happened! It hurt me so bad that I started laughing at her and she got really mad and walked away. What a fool I was to stay with her so long

My husband's excuse for leaving "I have been reading my scriptures and saying my prayers God has answered me and told me to leave you and be on my own!!??" He also said "we have been arguing constantly since you came out of hospital"(I had life saving surgery came out of hospital weak and not well enough to speak for more than five minutes never mind raise my voice).If I had died he would have played the grieving widower and then moved on with his life.Recently realised I have been married to a husband who has npd . I am seeing a councillor to help with the trauma of being blindsided by him leaving and the emotional and mental abuse that I went through because of him.I am blessed to have family and friends who know the truth and would not believe the lies.They are my strength and support system.I will get through this and become a happier stronger person.

This made me cry. So true. I am free. Trying to stick up what was left of me.

Similar to “Are you always right?” is, “Can you ever be wrong?” This always stumped me, because no, I don’t like to be wrong, but they’re projecting, and YES, I can be wrong, even if I don’t like to be. In fact, I usually half feel like I’m wrong even when I know I’m right, and they’re definitely projecting. Incidentally, they say this when YOU ARE RIGHT. Now, I’ve emotionally detached from this narc because I know every convo is just a competition to win or derail the intent and it has little to do with truth or coming to a consensus, so I just say sure, I can be wrong, but I’m right about this one.

A few discard statements after a seven month relationship I’ve experienced: I need someone who is strong, confident. No luvvy dovvy please, and we will get along just well. I guess we can be “friends with benefits.” I need a lot of passion. You want me to be honest. Right? I don’t have feelings for you. She told a friend that she is so much happier without me. It’s been two years no contact. I am free and at peace with myself. Looking back, I believe she was an emotionally unavailable person with narcissistic behavior. She was a spoiled, selfish, entitled, lack of empathy individual.

Once a person realizes all this, it's the point of no return. 😘 This person is no longer anyone's victim! ❤️🤔💯

My soon-to-be ex narcissist would tell me all of the time your family doesn't like you and then he would proceed to tell me how effed-up they are, his words. It just created blurred vision for me as far as not looking at his family as closely. My family does have some freak flags, but who's doesn't, flying pretty high but on further inspection his family had bigger freak flags they were just hiding them very well.

The way you explain things is what makes you my favorite.. You connect with all of us and I appreciate you and the work you do.

Thank so much. I was being destroyed by this. This helped me so much. Never have experienced human cruelty and betrayal like this...and then blamed for it, after years of abuse and blind loyalty. It was so painful, and I loved them so much. So hard to even understand this level of human indecency. Especially from someone who you trusted against all your own better judgement. Ughhh. It is so awful to experience. Just guts you to your very core. Makes you question every last phoney thing they ever said, and you questioned. Shameless people are so hard on your body, mind, and soul. 💔😔

Bravo , Paula ❤️🙏🙏 Their biggest single weakness is their predictability, and the more we unite and share the knowledge , the more dis-empowered they will become ! 💗💗💗

It's absolutely shocking enough to make someone suicide This is so accurate I went through this word for word

How accurate! I ended up in a relationship with a narcissist recently and he dumped me out of the blue saying "you're not ready for a relationship " ! After reading as much as I can on this disorder he fits the criteria to perfection. It's helped me heal tremendously. 🙏

"I can't disprove it." "I have to hear the other person's version."

A former friend who is a narcissist used to say to me all the time "you're nothing but a piece of shit... you wish you were me." He was a Eucharistic minister. They're very shrewd in who they reveal their true selves to.

My ex-narc-hubby didn't say any of those. He was an A-grade actor, who basically ignored any issues, ignored me (but did look towards me if I spoke), gave me a peck in the morning, "luv ya", & off he happily ran to work (didnt eat, that way didnt hv to converse). Came home late after a few drinks quick peck "hi", raced upstairs to get changed. Ate dinner (if he hadnt already dined, too late to help with kids, sat on ph in front of TV, no conversation. We never argued, in the beginning I thought this is great, I can actually live without being told off for anything. If I ever asked a question, his stock answer was always "work". It's amazing how I didn't pick up for years, just how many times he used "it's for work", "working", "at work", "I know her/him through work", "gotta get to work", "working late tonight". When I caught him in an affair, "it's just work". He prob sent me the "outing" text on purpose to start the triangulation/discard. 9yr affair, along with grooming so many others. Work was fantastic, he had a huge expense account, perfect for luring unsuspecting folk in with drinks & restaurant meals, anything to impress, then hook... when I kicked him out 3 mths later, he gave me the silent treatment & just never came back, no trying to talk anythg thru, a pretend effort at counsellor twice, but refused to discuss the woman at work, I had to "draw a line in the sand" & start again, with zero discussion. Can you imagine how infuriating that was, after 13yrs & 2 kids... 4yrs later, I'm still quick to anger. Never had any anger issues before... Silent treatment for 4yrs & counting... Not easy co-ordinating kids visits, so I just don't bother, if he doesnt make arrangemts in advance I just ignore him too.

I left my narc, but it was him who shafted me with cruelty before I left. For instance, he claimed that we "never did things together". That was because he was never there but always out of the house on his own pursuits while I was indoors caring for the children. He could have washed the dishes up - just once - and worked alongside me, but of course, that never occurred. After years of serving him, cleaning his house and caring for his child while he was away on jaunts, he challenged me with: "What have you ever done for me? Name one thing."

This is so accurate -its a lesson we need to be taught at senior school…awareness

Being loyal to a narco-path/s, there will be no growth, just damage in what you thought was,is and will never,ever be. Wisdom and knowledge is key to unlock freedom from these disgusting individuals

All of this fits my ex-wife. Her exit from my life was brutal. The experience sucks, and the recovery from being exposed to her and her mother sucks even more. I’m getting there, but its been a difficult emotional nightmare. How did I not recognize here true self all these years? Wow!

They must realize that their targets have certain qualities that are attractive and unique, but they have to demolish that person, and yet, I still don't understand why they seem to destroy what they claim to want? They keep looking for this supposed person they want to be with, but they cannot find it and yet they keep searching. I have to assume after months and months of no contact, that the person that discarded me, see's me as bad. If I had only known the person I got into a relationship with dealt with this horrible disorder, I would have just been super happy to remain a distant aquaintanance. I thought they would at least end up being a good friend, at the very worst if it didn't workout, but now I shared everything with this person, my most deepest secrets, I don't even have them as a semi-regular possible friend, I didn't even get that out of it. I feel like they see me as some horrible enemy, but it's so awful because I got to know this person so deeply, and they just moved on like nothing and I still feel this awfully close bond based on a persona that never existed.

"I only want to be with someone who loves me" - this is actually a stolen line from their victims (mirroring)

In the discard phase I was able to reverse the discard just before he had secured his back burner supply to leech off of. He contacted my daughter and our friends asking about how I was and portraying himself as a wounded soldier when the week before he had told me I was unimportant and wrong to have needs and wants because this was unspiritual and conventional. Yes, I had finally tried to assert some boundaries in our extractionship at this point. I sent him a text outlining the issues and telling him to stop contacting everybody guilt tripping them, only to be responded back to totally dismissing what I'd said with "I told you all along I was always prepared for you to become spiritual, after I helped you be spiritual, and single" It was almost as shocking as the line he used on me during devalue "I knew I'd have to take steps back into the 3 dimensional reality to be with you" this was him telling me yet again that he was superior to me using spirituality Beware of these religious and spiritual narc's they are so much harder to detect because they have all the spiritual lingo and we associate these labels with goodness and drop our guards down... Big mistake!

Yeah, I was cruelly discarded because I exposed his cheating and wouldn't accept his denials or turn a blind eye. Yeah, he said he loved me until the very last day when he moved my replacement into our home, whom he had been having a relationship for a while. 😢

Narcissism is not just a permanent label that some people deserve, but a state of mind that we all eventually share. Diving deeply into the subject, I would sometimes wonder "wait, I did this to her", and often understood her struggle with her limitations, meaning she was narcissistic but not evil by nature. We both wanted it to work. Taking on the victim role can help to deal with trauma, but dwelling on that mentality keeps us from dealing with our own mistakes -that little tyrant inside all of us- before we commit to a new relationship, which can lead us into painful cycles.

Thank you so much for this video. It completely explains exactly what was happening for me. I was called crazy, bipolar, a liar and a cheat, that I was projecting my problems. I see now that our entire relationship was based on transactional. When I started setting my own boundaries he became so upset he couldn't continue to control or manipulate me. I dared speak truth and he couldn't handle it at all.

TY, Part 1: If you have been in any toxic relationship/friendship/relative/work environment, etc., you definitely have been groomed and/or are being groomed. They expect total worship and blind obedience of them. You are an adult you don't have to worship a man/woman. You also are able to make your own decisions for your own individual life...you don't require anyone to think and/or speak for you. If it is covert....of course this will be happening behind your back without your knowledge...it is called throwing stones and hiding hands. -many times slander/smear campaign happens the same way. Part 2: You will never be good enough for them, especially someone who requires external validation to feel good about themself. They lack healing and self love. You are not responsible for healing anyone nor waiting for them to heal. A person is responsible for their own healing and have to want to heal on their own and not for another person. Healing has to be consistent. Part 3: So No, it is not normal to continue tolerating abuse and be the same -Narc Con Unless there is some level of Stockholm Syndrome and/or cognitive dissonance and/or you are unaware of what is taking place...however over time abuse takes a toll on you, so there will be changes that occurs naturally. May you remember that there have of be some level of detachment in order to leave and/or heal. Melanie Beattie explains her experience with an alcoholic husband. She realized that his addiction was controlling her. The more she attempted to get him to change and/or stop abusing her. She felt like his alcoholism was controlling her. She saw that nothing worked. So she learned to detach and released the relationship. Detachment is a gift....you are not here to change another person. - Melanie Beattie You can only change yourself. If you begin to see patterns of where you are attempting or desiring to change and/or control another person. You either are incompatible and/or outgrown the relationship/friendship. So that is an opportunity for reflection to see why you desire to change another person and/or if you see a pattern that you are going around in a circle about the same issues and nothing ever gets resolved. If it isn't minor things, it may be time to detach and release the relationship/friendship. Remember no one is meant to be like us nor to enjoy majority of the things that we enjoy. That is the joy of relationship/friendship...enjoying and honoring the similarities as well as differences. Your partner isn't meant to be your everything....it isn't a Disney movie. You are meant to have other relationships and interests outside of your partner. However, if someone desires your qualities not to be seen and/or enjoyed by others and only desire you to be isolated...it is a toxic relationship/friendship. Part 4: There is a common phrase used in various forms...you have changed when you begin to recognize the patterns and begin to use boundaries/preferences and/or begin to hold them accountable. Change is the only constant, so may you continue to heal and evolve. If someone isn't evolving with you, they may begin to become hostile -Eckhart Tolle So either you have to decide to remain with how you are being treated or remove yourself because if it is a toxic relationship/friendship the treatment doesn't get better....it only gets worse. Lee Hammock explains it as a one-sided poly relationship where one person is never enough and/or will never be enough. Part 5: Once the discard begins many things they once said they enjoyed....they will explain that they actually hate or begin berating/belittling you. Either most things or it may be exaggerated as you can do nothing right. These are the beginning signs of a toxic/abusive relationship/friendship -Astrokween. Remember....They were only doing them for you or they may even say something similar to this. So you will begin to start seeing the person as they are and not as they pretended to be. Part 6: The more you heal...the more you will recognize the patterns and laugh because there are many common threads in multiple relationships/friendships that you either are in and/or have been in. May you remember why they are released from your life, so you will not allow them to return because many times they will attempt to cycle back around with fake apologies and proclamations of changed behaviors that will be short-lived and/or send a decoy to test to see if they can come back in to abuse you again. They will not be returning for your benefit...they will only return to use/abuse you again. May you allow them to exercise and/or enjoy those changed behaviors with someone else. You are responsible for giving yourself closure. Someone giving you closure doesn't change the circumstances....example...Once deception is revealed....it is difficult to repair a relationship/friendship. It will be unnecessarily complicated because you will constantly be questioning whether they are telling the truth or not, which is much wasted energy. So if you are not willing to tolerate that behavior. It is just best to move on and consider it as a lesson. If they didn't enjoy who you were previously, they surely wouldn't enjoy the healing versions of you. If you allow them to return, they believe that the way they previously treated you was acceptable. -Lee Hammock They even talk about things that others are doing that they like or don't like to either to attempt to make you jealous and/or to let you know what they have done, is doing, or plan to do to you. - Lee Hammock Once a person shows you who they are, believe them- Maya Angelou Once you recognize the patterns and If that is suitable for you, you can remain....if not you can decide to leave. Part 7: May you take your time getting to know people....if it is rushed....it is most likely toxic and something surely is being hidden. As an adult...everyone has a bit of re-parenting of themself to do. May you do so and enjoy your individuation process. You are not anyone else; you are not meant to be anyone else. May you enjoy and embrace your unique qualities that makes you who you are. You are ENOUGH and have always been ENOUGH 😜 May you begin or continue to heal; begin or continue to practice self care daily.🥰 Namaste 🕊️Peace 🤸 Shalom 🐵

The Almighty intervened and allowed me to throw him out, change the locks and prevent him entry to the neighborhood before he could discard me. In retrospect he really wanted the ability to do the discard and had friends beg me to allow a reconciliation. I didn’t know what a narcissist was at the time, but I realized this was demonic. Keep strong fellow survivors! I am a MUCH stronger person now.

I've ruminated all day today, then you follow the advice and it helps, a lot. Its uncanny how bang on you are. The lines they feed you, the behaviour they show you, its unreal how many people have met these things and suffered because of them.

I don’t know what what would have become of me of a did not have this online support and education. Thank you! ❤

He told me - “ I should have never been a mother “ I’m not hard and stern enough I don’t hold my children accountable to cause and effect “

My adult sons were civil to him, but after having a front row seat (for 23yrs) of his poor behavior towards me and others, they had a strong lack of respect and genuine care for him.

The narcissist I was married to for twenty years, up and left one night out of the blue, said he was going to stay with his parents for a while, I found out he was staying with his new supply, he said almost everything to me that you mentioned

"No hard feelings."Yes now indeed.She's just someone I know of,nothing more.

I left my husband of 6 years, together 14 just 4 weeks ago and I feel like I have risen from the dead. That is the only way I can explain how I feel. It is amazing. While I was with him, he had me broken down to the point where I just had given up on everything in life including myself. I had not one ounce of self love left. I have multiple sclerosis and he used my illness to make me feel just completely useless. The horrible things he has said to me I will never be able to erase from my mind, but it was when he put his hands on my physically that I realized I just couldn't do it anymore. I would rather had been dead than continued living with him. When I finally had the awakening that I needed to stand up for myself and love myself again and told him I was leaving and why, he told me it was all my fault and if I hadn't pushed him to it, none of that would have ever happened. He also was not worried about me staying, yet what the reasoning I was going to give people of why I was leaving, because he DID NOT want anyone knowing how he really is. The things he had really done to me. He also told me that he saw himself leaving me in about a year, once finances were better. 😂😂😂 Like I was supposed to stay until things were convenient for him. 💀 Its absolutely unbelievable. The sad part is we have a 5 year old son and I left because I know it was an unhealthy situation for him. He didn't care about that, all he cared about was what was convenient for him. Just sickening. Unfortunately we have a long road ahead with the divorce, but getting away has already been so healing and changed my life in ways I wasn't even expecting. I'm also already seeing positive changes in my son which is wonderful. ❤❤❤

Some of the things you have said, they said they always use the superlative, everything is a huge projection, and they speak in black and white and see things as black and white. It is so uncanny how they all seem to work from the same playbook. It is so disgusting and gross. You nailed all of their sayings and it is nothing but crazy. Why did I ever get involved, why??

I haven’t checked in for a while Paula because my happy tank is so full, but tonight I got a notification of this video - I listened to your perfect delivery and thought ‘spot on every single time ‘ . Thank you for your continued support to the group who cant see through the fog - they’ll get there . I did with your invaluable advice / information / guidance . Thank you a million times over x x x

I know many many many people affected by narcissists are romantic partners, but I would truly love to hear more about family dynamics as well. I have a 3/5’s of my family who are toxic.

Yes. He ripped me off financially, emotionally beat me down, blamed me for everything, then had the nerve to tell me I owed him money?????

It’s about power and control they hate boundaries so glad I discarded him.

My parent has said a lot of these things to me over the years. They even carried a grudge for a few years when I dared to stand up for myself once. I was eventually told that I was forgiven and what a good parent I had for doing that! Even now and knowing all of this, there is still the hope that they'll be a normal loving parent without all of the attached conditions that go with a relationship with them. That hope is very hard to let go of, and I'm afraid that I will still go on "pining for this creature" until the day they die. With knowing about them and realising that they now want little to do with me, comes the painful duality of thinking that it's great on some levels because they rarely bother me now (I'm only wanted when they want something, or for special occasions - I'm very quickly reeled back in then, like a fish on a line!). But it hurts so much in lots of other ways. I've watched enough videos and read a lot of articles to know that this is just a cruel game for them, yet I still hang on, hoping. Thank you for your videos, they help me a lot. Best wishes to everyone out there xx

Also, no matter HOW evilly they acted, they later act like it was all no big deal, as if they never really did anything wrong. And everything should go back to “normal” relationship-wise (even if they’ve married the person they cheated on you with). You’re just an appliance after all.

The Emporer and the Peasant - perfect analogy

His statement is always, he didn’t expect this marriage to become what it is, as if HE’S the one that’s disappointed.

Every time I articulated to my ex what he was doing to me it gave him the language to use against me. The irony 😂 His words were only an echo. And yes he projected a lot. Our problems really started when I started calling him out. He saw me as a servant, someone to do the menial jobs and as someone beneath him. He couldn’t even talk to me with respect, but the hardest part was him never taking any accountability for any of his poor actions/choices. So much of what you said is accurate to my experience.

Mine said to me "You're right, I am the type of girl that would go off and sleep with someone else...how does it feel to be right all the time?" and I also got the classic "At this moment in time, this is how it is." trying to keep me on a string. Awful people, they actually are a joke, but not a funny one

You have literally just got me through my day. Much love. ❤

How about this one Paula, my narc said "you lack empathy, have no capacity for love nd are an emotional drain. Somewhat a bit of self reflection I suppose. It kick started my recovery when I discovered projection and the narcissist. The support and knowledge from people like you is immeasurable. I'm being cyber bullied at the moment so this is probably been read by my narc, good stuff 👍

In my case she would make excuses like, she has to sleep early now and shes too busy during the day with real life so basically she told me with a smirk she wont make time for me anymore to chat, not even once a week. All the conversations were one-sided and dry, with her wasting 4 hours of my time only to respond with at average, 6 sentences... We used to talk so much for 12 years... She was even showing how low she thinks of me when talking to other people and my friends, even flexing how she got a better life than me, claiming I am jealous of her... I was nothing but supportive of her hobbies and interests, even put effort in helping her to get visible in social media... I forced a time off as each time i talked to her I only felt more miserable, devalued, neglected and she just bluntly laughed off and disregarded my concerns. I gave up on many fun activities that I enjoyed with her without complaining and went through depression. All she was concerned about was not to feel guilty over me being a mental wreck from how she treated me and was expecting me to still provide her with the usual supply. Lets say I didn't bother explaining anything to her, she knows damn well what she was doing and this wasn't working out, so I quietly cut all contact and went on months of recovery. Interestingly she knew what was the issue but its like she was compelled to double down on what bothers me, acting as if shes pressured while at the same time telling me what a caring friend she is, how her arms are open for me and how shes always here for me... In reality she had no other interest than keeping me on the shelf and expecting me to occasionally provide her with supply while shes spending her time non stop with her new friend who turns out to be similar to me, doing activities that I used to do with her. Heh, she was even bragging in social media how much she has fun with her new friend. I had to take a step back and look at myself how horrible I'm feeling around this person to the point that I had no better choice but to leave this mess behind. I don't feel like having friends anymore but at least I'm more at peace away from her

He said “If only you had text me at work to ask for sex I would have felt wanted”. He also said, “If only you had not confronted my daughter about stealing your wedding ring.” Which she did! He refused to confront her about it!

I loved this. I got those comments.. " I had plans for us, but its just your insecurities" ! :) He left, and came back . This made me laugh too as looking back its humourous

I was love bombed at discard. I think she wanted to leave the door open for a hoover. So far I have had only hoovers by proxy and I think she would like me to reverse hoover but I won't. She is terrified of being rejected so will not hoover me directly at least so far. It has been 9+ months so assuming the new supply fails(who has always been hidden so is a downgrade) she may become more desperate. No contact.