*Think you may have had a relationship with a narcissist?* Download the FREE checklist to see how your experience stacks up to the phases of narcissistic abuse: www.commonego.com/checklist
The qualities what you saw in this person and fell in love with are actually within you and needs to be nourished within you. Would recommend that you reflect on that and there is nothing to miss ;)
this is really hard its like dating Jekkle and Ms Hyde. you got the part you fell for and made you think it was your life long partner you dreamed of the future you would have together then theres the other side that manipulates you insults you never says sorry for making you feel bad and you wish had never met, but even after its over you want the one you fell for to come back, your feelings were true you cant just switch them feelings off and theres wasnt true they just used and abused us for their entertainment or whatever it is that makes them tick. hope none of us ever have to experience this again its mental torture! even 3 years later! its still doing my head in! WTF did we do to deserve such people in our lives? we deserve better!
@@sine8811 Great 👍 question. Learn to trust your intuition. It is really about you feeling good 😊in your own body. Be with people who lift you up not pull you down. ❤ ❤🙏🌻🌈😘
I use a knife, machete, sword, and katana to distance them from me.... Yes, mentally... You get close again - you ass get hurt.. And after all this you get butthurt...so give up...
Absolutely! The price I paid was peace, balance, happiness and the freedom to go and do with whomever whenever I wanted - without having that 'friend' trying to control my every move. GOD it feels good!
"You are not alone dealing with the narc treatment." This is important to remember. Your narc didn't start this shit because you came along - they've been dong it to others lifelong, and will have a trail of victims. They don't change, they sharpen their knives.
To them, boundaries are pointless - they just think your boundaries don't apply to them because they are 'special' therefore deserve preferential treatment.
This is not always possible. If you are working for someone who is toxic, you can't just go totally silent. Until you have a new job lined up, assertion of boundaries is the only option. My utmost compassion goes to people who share children with such people. They can't go totally silent either. They have to find a way to communicate with the other person.
@@katharina...agree but the problem is making your boundaries known is like giving them hints where to target you next because they ignore boundaries and do whatever time after time.
@@yuu_miran I know this is not always easy, especially in a shared parenting situation. It's easier in a workplace though. I had a manager (still do for another couple of weeks) who kept saying different things to different people, and then denying she ever said it. I sent her a message, copying her manager, and requested for all our conversations to take place in writing from now on, with her manager copied, to avoid confusion. That was my boundary. Sure, she could have tried to call me, but I would have kept to my boundary and not answered her call. She then became completely ridiculous, and each time I made a tiny, insignificant typo, she would email me and copy her manager 😂 She probably had no idea that she really was exposing herself by doing this, instead of me. There were no serious issues with my work, so tiny little typos were all she had to report me on, which just made her look petty.
My silence is for me at this time. Trying to collect my own thoughts. It breaks my heart because I truely love him but I can’t keep breaking my heart over what he needs. It’s time for me for a while 💔
The key after becoming silent is becoming indifferent to whatever the narcissist says or does. Who cares? They really FEEL that one, and you will get a hoover attempt around the time you start becoming indifferent, which is generally when you are well along the healing path and loving yourself.
My dad is the narcissist. Ever since I decided to completely be unbothered by his cheap emotional tricks and started to completely ignore his “victim” texts to gain praise/validation/sympathy, he got the picture and started giving me the silent treatment as well. However what he doesn’t know is that I’ve found my peace and I couldn’t give a rats ass by all the lies he tells ppl about me. In the end, “You reap what you sow”. This phrase is 100% true and even a narcissist doesn’t escape from its consequences.
Needed this today 💓 “this is not a reflection of your worth or value as a person; the narcissists need for attention and validation is insatiable. They will continue to seek out new sources of supply. It’s what they do. They’re simply following the same old pattern of behavior. It has nothing to do with you as a person.”
👉2:00 - Dark Silence Vs Light Silence: 🚩Silence from the 'Darkness' is _Intended to project 'pain and punishment'_ *Outwardly* toward another to fuel greater Division, Separation and Conflict. Destruction of others. ☮Silence from the 'Light' is _Intended to restore 'Love and Peace'_ *Inwardly* to oneself to fuel greater Integrity, Unity and Harmony. Restoration of Self.
I hung up on my malignant narcissist brother 13 years ago and went no contact. He managed to turn his kids, grandkids, and just about any family member he could persuade to his side with lies. Do I care? Nope! It's been very peaceful...
Bahaaaaa🤣 Same here but with my SIL! Last thing I told her, “I know how this goes, but let me make it clear that I love my niece and nephews, but I’ll miss them. Ultimately their no my kids so when they grow up, if they decide, I will always be here!” That was the last time I ever seen or spoke to them. Peace over everyone that are not our children❤️ Blessings to you
@@GloriaSol My nieces and nephews were already grown when this happened. Not one of them bothered to pick up the phone to call me and ask what was happening. This, after an entire life time of gifts, letters, sponsoring a few Confirmations (at great travel expense to me), and being Godmother to the adopted niece. Really? Don't miss them either!
I am a 71 years old . Married to my narcissistic wife for 50 years . I did not know about this subject . The story I could tell you . I have decided after all this time to leave her . She bad for my mental health . Plus my body . my doctor told me just leave her it will not get any better .
Listen to your doctor, please. Just leave. You have life left and 50 years of unhappiness isn't what you deserve. There's things out there you need to do and enjoy. It's time to take that right for yourself! I wish you the best and most positive outcome. I wish I could help. But, I feel you've got this 👍
1)Asked me to marry her, 2)Dumped me 1 week later 3)Angry texts (all my fault) 4)New relationship with “a friend” 5) angry texts but said I still love you irl. I didn’t want her back. 6) blocked 7) 6 weeks later : unblocked 8) 10 days later (less or more): new profile pics 9 6 weeks after unblock (+/-): blocked again. 10) repeat 7&9 11) old friends start texting strange from out of the blue. With strange long texts.. Still NC from point 5. Getting my strong self back after 1 year. Body , mind and soul.
these people are vampires. they legit suck all the energy/ spirit out of you and just leave. leave you there feeling like a shell while they use your energy to go bounce right on to the next victim.
yeah I was getting upset and angry when she triggered me almost every day....unfortunately I didn't know she was doing it on purpose and I shouldn't even listen...I cared too much and wanted to make the relationship work that never even existed for her....well at least Im healing now and learned from this
Unfortunately it's my grown daughter, her father was a narcissist. She kept squeezing me out of her life, so I let go. I love her, she's free to chose what she wants. What's that saying...let someone go, if they love you, they'll be back! If not, less emotional contempt!!
If it's your own child that hurts so much I'm glad you're doing great with or without her. I know you're doing great cos aslong as you tried or did your best raising her don't worry too much about losing her. Cos you did your part. If she's a reasonable daughter she's going to regret most of it when you're gone.
@@lreevesnyc21 Narcissists unfortunately won't get better, they get worse the more age they get. Even if she contacts you and wanna say "sorry" or try to get you back in her life. She is not doing it because she is sorry for real, but because she wants continue exploiting you, she is only sorry for herself because she blew up your relationship to her as a supply. I have seen this so far from my older sister which is 100% bulletproof covert narcissist and over 40 years old. The smear campaign, gaslighting and chaos to my mother and me by her is outrageous and unbelievable. We both recently went "no contact" on her cause it's nothing but horrible drama and abuse when she is in contact , and all the time she just blame mostly my mother and me for all her downfalls in life. I already lost my count how many boyfriends she had and all of those ended in chaos, same story have been to nearly all her long time friendships and some co-workers she ever had.
Oddly, after a brutal smear campaign with no reaction from me, my brother switched to hoovering, with still no reaction from me. In this instance, arrogance and desperation caused him to make mistakes others could see for themselves. Remember with Narcs, no response is a response, and usually the best response.
It's not always possible or practical to go no contact permanently , that's why people get good results from the grey rock method during any future necessary contact with the narcissist
I think the difficult part for me is working with so many different kinds of narcissist Most of them still use the manipulation tactic. Threating disciplinary actions if I don't do what they want. It's hard to be surrounded by 5 or more in a day! It becomes exhausting. Both male and females. There's jealousy in the fact that other people care for me and compliment me. Its insane
This video is a complete rundown of what is happening to me right now!! Thank you for sharing this information; you are doing vicitms of narcissistic abuse a huge favor by explaining this 👏
This is so so true and kind of sad really! In my line of work of behavior management we call this strategy extinction. Since my special family members have been on extinction for decades, the gaps are magically filled in with immature gossip and projections in conversations with people I don't know and will never meet. The to need flex their superiority and further their victim appropriation knows no bounds. Once you grasp how validation seeking impacts you, there is no going back.
Oh that is he favorite move. But thankfully I am out of it. Sadly it’s a family member who lives on the same street. But I finally have healed from a lifetime of his actions & I don’t feel anything toward this person now. It’s just another human being driving down the road.
my mother .. "the narcissist" crushed me when I when silent. she took everything from me that she could. she triangulated me and turned my friends and family against me... and im crushed...… almost..... but I will survive... I pray for her in the name of Jesus to seek help....
This video is so important. I have been scapegoated by my sister my entire life - then she began to insult and threaten my 4 and 7 year old children (threatened to throw my son off a cliff). I cut off ties with my sister after that conversation. She isn’t sorry and has of course made her accusations and threats against my children as somehow being my fault.
My ex husband started telling everyone I cheated, never took the marriage seriously and that I was the narcissist. My therapist warned me about this though. I’m even his topic on his podcast that he suffered narcissistic abuse. I’m so glad I finally left him.
Absolutely AMAZING thank you soooo much you are helping me more than you will ever know that's what I'm going through atm I'm crying listening to this He lives next door and is pushing other women onto me laughing drinking joking in front of me😢😢😢what do I do 😢😢😢
You are crying for someone who is cruel . Is this the kind of man you want? I bet not. You are crying for what could have been but never was. Been there.
Be glad hè has other victims, so you can heal or move on. Laugh at them. You were in love with his mask, someone that doesnt exist. She him as the Devil ,who is bringing you in trouble and could not love you. Move to another place is the best thing.
I'm on 24 days of no contact. I needed to take time to put myself together. I'm working on getting over him. I have caved on this many times but I just couldn't do it anymore. He lost his Super Empath..too bad for him bit better for me.
I have just gone silent with my daughter one of the hardest things iv had to do. I walk on eggshells with her and fear her If I say no to her. If I say no to wants me to do she's flips out on me and tells me I'm stupid pathetic and she will not put up with my behavior. Then goes on into a rage of attack even throws things at me telling me how I never listen and that is my problem I don't listen to anything! She puts me down about anything and everything I end up standing there crying and shaking not saying one word back to her whilst she continues to belittle me. When I hear her car pull up at my home I feel so sick and fear her telling me off if I say something that she doesn't like so I try to say as little as possible. A week ago she called me and did not ask me she told me I must be at her house by 2pm until 10pm as she is working and i will be looking after my 13yr old grandson, I replied by saying um I'm going to be busy till around 6;30pm as I look after my 80yr old uncle and could my grandson come stay here with me till then and i will take him back home and stay with him till you get home at 10pm as we only live 2 streets away from each other. Well that was the worst thing I could of asked as she then went into a screaming rage at me on the phone telling me how wrong and pathetic I am and if I continue this behaviour she will cut me off and not let me see my grandson there was so much hate in her voice I was a mess I couldn't get a word in as she was screa5so loud at me. I then tried to say fine I'm not going to be put through this as your really hurting me and she heard that and screamed stop playing the victim and all kinds of degrading things to me. I simply couldn't think and decided to just hang up on her as I was a mess. That then was followed by loads of texts telling me I'm a horrible person and she will not put up with my behaviour and that I don't listen and that is my problem so until I start to listen she will have nothing to do with me and iv got myself to blame for that. She wrote in capital letters that I play the victim! All I said was yes I would look after him but he could come here till I'd cooked dinner for my 80yr old uncle and lite the fire for him. I didn't see how that made me a pathetic victim. It's now been a week and she has not called or messaged me as usually I call her and beg for her forgiveness but this time I haven't and i have decided not to. It hurts me but my doctor has told me to stop saying yes to her demands so I am trying so hard to not fall into the same pattern. She is asking her sister questions about me what im doing who im talking to and all kinds of things she needs to know if iv said anything to anyone as I play the victim. My other daughter has said to her to leave her out of it and treat mum properly which was the wrong thing to say to her as she got very abusive back to her. This is the first time iv not given into her demands she's 32yrs old and i feel terrible but at the same time I feel relief and want her in my life but not in the same pattern so I'm sticking it out and not saying sorry for something I didn't do wrong as hard as it is I know I needs to do this for my own health and sanity. Thank you for making these videos as they are helping me understand im ok saying no and believing im not a bad person if I say no. Love from Perth Australia 💜💕❤🐨🦘
If you ignore a narc at work, they will start to bully you (even more). It's better to go gray rock or yellow rock until you can get away or they get bored of you. It can work in other relationships, too.
Thank you Christina you have no idea how much you have helped me over the past year listening to your articles you just have no idea. I don’t know if she’s a narcissist I don’t care, but she has too many of the traits and overstepped my boundaries. I am moving on end of story. I have blocked her if I receive anything in the mail, I am returning it without opening it.
On the one hand I would love it for my partner to move on to someone else, leave me alone and let me get on with what I want to do with the rest of my life. On the other hand I would be feeling sorry for the new target, not wishing on that person what I have been subjected to for the last 40 plus years !! It's only recently that I have come to my senses and am starting to fight back !!
I am 86 years old. (I hope Christina can read this.) I accidentally found out (RU-vid) in May last year, 2022. I have been married to a Narcissist person for over 6o years. I exposed her in front of our three children in June. My daughter took her away for a holiday for 4 months. TO CUT A LONG STORY SHORT. Because of my age and financial situation, I need her as much as she needs me. I am forced to live with her. Like your video, I do not speak to her unless it is about us. I do not argue with her. I tell her.” I cannot argue with you because you are always right.” She is very unhappy, and I do not care. I am under attack all the time. My family have turned against me because “how can I be so nasty to her after all the years.” Psychiatrists and Psychologists in Australia do not seem to recognize Narcissism. Even my GP of 40 years takes her side.
Being with a narcissist is hard enough but when kids are involved its even tougher. Left him 8 months ago and hes been doing everything listed in this video ever since. Its hard too because I have no one to really shield me from him, but if you were to meet him he comes off as this charming, funny and friendly guy. Behind closed doors though he plays mind games, threatens to make my life harder, threatens to take my kids away from me even though he honestly doesn't even want them. His threats scared me so I went to an attorney, and instantly felt better when I realized that most of these were empty threats because he honestly doesn't have the power to take them away. I provide for my kids just find and give them a very loving home life, so there is no real reason why he would be awarded full custody anyways. I keep thinking of moving further away so I'm out of reach of him but then I figure that if I do that he wins. I have already needed to start my life all over again and I'm not going to do it again just because hes trying to still control the situation however he can and making my life difficult. I'm young so when I am ready to date again, I figure that pretty much what I am looking for is the total opposite of well....him. I'm a little nervous to date though however because I have no idea how my narcassist ex will react to this, and the new man in my life really doesn't deserve to deal with whatever he dishes out. But I can't live in fear of being happy forever cause thats no way to live. I honestly did not mean to write this much, I suppose I felt this was therapeutic, lol.
I married two narcissists that was bad enough, but the really difficult one to deal with is my oldest adult daughter because I miss my granddaughters when she's not talking to me.
I’ve been silent 🤫 for years and counting he tries to make me talk but I grunt or totally ignore,teaching him a lesson that he tried on me and mine is working,he’s blocked on everything that I communicate on and I mean everything, I leave and go on vacations with my daughters and families because of all the things that he has done no one wants him around and we enjoy our time together, we can leave our purses 👛 around and food 🥘 and no one is afraid of losing their money or food and thank you for your content so good to know
My coworker is narcissistic girl (divorced) she lives in a fantastic world and exactly she is using narcissistic cycle and iam totally confused about her and she told me she have a problem with anxiety issues, but when I search in google it is not anxiety issues it is NPD. Time God I came to know the truth. Present iam giving silent treatment, blocked no. Maximum trying to avoid.. Hope things will good for me and getting my life back. Every day she use to fight and argue for unnecessary things. Even I lost peace ever day. It was happening daily, really iam fedup with her. By seeing few video/searching in google I got a concussion that how I need to avoid that girl.
I am distance and no phone calls too much degrading me so I have peace from that but constantly worry what is happening behind my back.. Family member ever treated me in abusive way until they moved in when eviction big mistake big mistake. My heart hearts so much. I love and adored this family member.
I have been 14 years no contact with my ex Narc because although I broke up with him civilly (he had already met someone else ), I asked him to not call me anymore as it was disrespectful to his new girl and he continued anyway. When I stopped responding he ramped up the calls with leaving taunting messages. I broke my no contact rule only once when I text him asking him to delete my number out of his phone. I did not hear from him again, until 3 weeks ago!
Goodnesss... this is so accurate. Please keep making these videos........ im in a relationship now, and its so hard to get out because of these hoover tactics... i didnt even realize this....
Yeah I learned hard way ...40 years......and sad part of my experience......my life is was played .. nothing is real....what a mind job eh ..thank you I glad people like you see it.. you're right we are not alone
Still dealing with my narcissist. She is my mom. I have commented that I am still here with her. She is older, and more...delusional. She is not seeing something in a certain way, when someone tells her something that contradicts her viewpoint. She is hard to deal with, because I am being sucked back into her web. Like @nezlover said, and I totally agree: I miss the person she never was. The glasses fell off when I was a kid, and I knew what she was from a young age. I am going to try this. I know what I can accomplish without her. I know I don't need her to live. She has been the toxic constant in my life.
I changed the default ring tone just for my very low contact narc to Krusty The Clown 🤡 It's always a laugh when he calls! I let my phone go to VM and I don't get back to him.
The judge gave him everything we had together and our babies n he keeps using this against me just to control me n hurt me 💔. I don't have anything left to give n my silence only makes him want to try to control me more. I miss my babies so much 😢
I just wanna know how to avoid an individual like that ever again. I lost my partner of 31 years and every night I’m crawling myself to sleep. This can be a very cruel world to live in when you have lost your total trust and Security.
At age 66 I went no contact with my narcissistic older sister. She had absolutely no boundaries on how she talked to people and oh, then, her mind games. I can't help but wonder if when my narcissistic father passed away, that released me of feeling like I needed to hold the family together.
Don't spend ANY time with him. He will continue to do all these things, to subjugate you and make you "obedient". ABUSE IS ABUSE . GET A RECORD OF IT. DOCUMENT GET EVIDENCE
Mine was told to leave by the police. He kept asking why he couldn't come back after certain amounts of time...6 months, a year, 2 years, 3 years... and I would ask him what he had done to show he was remorseful for the way he treated us. A silly question but I didn't know how else to answer him. Now he's given up on fixing us but wants the kids to just chat with him as if he's done nothing wrong. They are early 20s and just don't want the nightmare. They say hello if they see him but that's it. So he keeps asking me when they are going to talk to him again... because it's never about what he's done, it's just about time to him. I hate answering because it's always a trigger. But if I don't play the game he becomes scary and menacing. Even though he doesn't live here he visits me just to talk about the work we have to do together. I can't get out of that. But although the mortgage payments were always met it wasn't with thanks to him because he spent, and still does, approx £500 a month on win and cigarettes. So despite that he can force me to sell. He leaves me in the place so he can still have some control, and right now that works because the interest has shot up so high I'm selling things so I'm in no position to afford a move. And I'm tired. It's a trap I know I'm in and the kids don't need to be in it too so they choose not to be. But how can I answer him about them? He thinks it's me not letting them talk to him. They just see no remorse and even worse behaviour. I'm so weary and he keeps saying he wants someone else. As soon as he finds someone I'll be forced out and the new woman will be enjoying spending the half of the house he can claim even though he didn't pay for it. And I won't have enough to find somewhere else to live. 😔
what everyone needs to know is that they smear you anyway. Silence or not. It's preparation for the inevitable discard. there is no way around it, it's just a basic in their playbook always.
What if the narc is your own son? Is there any hope for the relationship? His father is a narc. Do kids "pick" this up or does the narc teach them? Guilt trips and then kindnesses are my son's methods. Fortunately, he doesn't live near me anymore because when he gets mad he gets violent.
My husband ghosted me, 12 year marriage. I was the one trying to reach out to him, it made me feel like the Narcissist. I've not reached out to him for 10 days. I'm in a very rough spot but im trying
After 27 years of marriage - these descriptions are frighteningly real. The kids think I’m the bad guy, our friends (and I say “our” - because they are all “her” friends now - mine were discarded decades ago), and she has caused me to think I’m the fault for career and money problems. Meanwhile she’s had cosmetic surgery, clothes, holidays (without me), butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth. No sex (that has always been used to bargain - and frequently withdrawn) so I have started looking elsewhere. That fills me with fear, because if she finds out - that will justify to her that I am the bad guy and the kids wont speak to me again. I’m the one who “needs” mental help. She refuses counselling, including marriage counselling. I apparently “need” “constant” validation, and she is “afraid” of raising issues with me - because my anger “scares” her - and yet it is she who flies into rage. I do too now - out of pure frustration at how twisted and selective her memory is. So - my “rage” has become the problem. One of her oldest friends - a Phd Counsellor - apparently agrees with her. I am a sad, angry man who “needs to change”. But her childhood was not great - a controlling and manipulative mother who’s love was very conditional on good behaviour and full of shame. Strict religious moral outrage and shame. Any natural instincts I have (or she has for that matter) seem to paralyse her with shame. She has multiple organisms (when we occasionally “are allowed” to have sex) which fill her with embarrassment. I actually see a miserable person who is so busy trying to control me, she has no time to come to terms with her own daemons. I would like to stay with her to help…. How possible is it to get a breakthrough and get her to make progress???
It is definitely possible to have your marriage restored. You will need to look to GOD for guidance. Even if she chooses to leave, you at least will be on a new and better path.
@@stephthecreative6312 she won’t leave - she’s onto a good thing with me. The question now is if I have the energy to bother trying anymore. Since I have been giving less concern to her, she says I have been treating her so bad….
Hello. Thank you for this video. I want to know what if a narcissistic ignores you with silence? How to deal with this? My brother married a narcissistic person and she cut me off from their life. I tried to reach out for my brother and every time I try to call him he simply ignores my messages and emails and he blocked me from calls. I stopped calling him now and it's been many years but I am not healing. It is hurting me every day.
Me and my 10 yr old granddaughter live with one.we rent a room from her,we have no where else to live, my granddaughter an I are trapped here with her,I just don't know what to do.
Jealousy does not, and never has computed with me however, for her it was very extreme. It even got to the point to where I no longer made comments on Facebook because the women would heart it, that’s what we do in the south we heard every effing thing
She can bring it because she’s never seen me react back, but I can be downright horrid, I don’t want to be I’ll try my best not to be, but she crossed over my boundary this time
