This is What Men REALLY Want & Why YOU'RE NOT IT  

You have spoken the truth.

So true

I'm 54 very true

Could you elaborate on things you find simple that the new generation has made hard regarding relationships/marriage? Would you give 5-10 specific examples ?

@shatoyiajones After initial connection we focused on compatible character. If 80% of things are good deal with the 20% of bad. It's a balancing act. Take the good with the bad. THERE WILL BE BAD TIMES. Don't let go when you hit potholes in the rode. Nothing or no one is perfect. Contentment isn't a bad word. We all have different levels. Be comfortable with yours.

Do you go 50/50 too? Still caring about getting to know these men, what else are you missing

What part of my answer did you derive that from? What’s wrong with getting to know someone, am I missing something? It’s still some good men in this world! You sound bitter dear, do better❤

@@AMANDAbbbwog lol you’ll find out shittt

So harsh😂 Be blessed, God loves you and so do I 🙏🏾❤️

​@@maiamiimaiam4343So you're not dating to get know someone? Shows how much you value the men you date. It exposes that you're just in it for the experience, not actually getting into a relationship.

I was just about to write this but saw your msg. Im with it, lets go on a coffee or ice cream date, lets get to know each other. You dont have to spend hecka money on me, now or later, on a date to make me happy. I want time, not him doing extravagant things all the time.

@@uadrme9437 wow you sound so normal and I don't want perfect, just normal 😇

I second this. The host sounds delusional thinking a man should spend 150$ to 200 on the first date to impress her. She not trying to know me. She measuring my pocket.

​@@robinrowe1846She never suggested $150 date. It's the lack of effort and the formality that coffee dates have that are off putting. Most women like romance, charm, and fantasy because it's fun in the beginning. Coffee dates are stale and all business. Men want feminine submissive women but treat them like business partners. The "woo" is missing. Lunch/brunch is much cuter and even cost effective. It's not just spend $5 or $150

Of course u can only deal with one. A man is only as faithful as his options. Ur a man with little to no options. Speak for yourself.

Tried this JUST once in life, dating multiple women at once and being open (not a playa). And you’re absolutely right. It was stressful and drained the joy from dating. It felt like a job lol Never again.

Respect 💯💯💯

Respect 💯💯💯

Louisdavis u have to understand that women today r "dating" two r three guys at the same time and r probably sleeping with a fourth which just makes u another guy on her list.

You’d be surprised just how women have been getting over on men they’re not into JUST for the free meal!

Yooo, you stole my idea bruh 😂

THAT PART....

Her reaction to "coffee date"? says it all.

It was the “push back” for me, just the words, attitude and it’s not us it’s always you attitude that will forever keep them single and unhappy.

@@SoSuave3 💯%✔

The only mistake some men made is to support women push feminism. But ultimate women are to blame because no one forced them into work force. They wanted to be like men so bad. And now trying to blame men for your current position. No man wants a woman who is like a man. I now understand why ancient civilization never gave women too much freedom. They will ruin society and blame men for it😂😂😂😂😂😂

Almost it really seems like women who are off the carousel of dating and are looking for a relationship are not afraid of a simple drink date. This is because her primary purpose is to get to know the person. When that is the case, the setting for talking and dialog is primary, not being wined and dined.

She’s not flexible and closed minded. Don’t need that nonsense. I had a date with a woman and she stated she would pay for her meal. She stated up front; if you want you can pay later at our next meeting. Wow was my response. I walked her to the car and she reached over and unlocked my door. ❤ Oh yes there will be a next date it’s on, mutual reciprocation. We were competing to see who could be the most giving. I still have a lot of respect for that woman. Blessings…❤

HER THE SHOW IS SUSPECT

😂😂😂😂

If you're a woman's type then she's going to be fine with a coffee date easy

That's great. In these modern times, the vetting y'all did in-person can be easily done with a video call.

@@Heyu7her3 Yep. Im an old fart lol.🤣

Just a clever way to convince her clients to get your wife's Anniversary retreatment with no effort.

@@perrykeshahwalker5321😂 I knew this when you said, “Home phone.” 😂😂😂

Even if I were successfully married, I still would endorse better first dates. I have never been on a coffee or ice cream date & don't plan to be. These men aren't trying. Many aren't dating. Neither means that we must accept anything.

​@Heyu7her3 U have a cartoon as an avi & ur up here speaking on not being taken seriously as a woman?? ......Really? If 2 people are truly interested in one another it makes ZERO diff what they do. Just being in each other's presence fills the void. This debate over trite issues is madness.

Also I suppose we can disagree on what matters most. My now husband used to bake cakes for his little sister's birthday from scratch and I saw how he cared for his mom before she passed. His integrity, kindness and commitment is what sold me.. not the creativity of a first date.

@@Mr.Oct___ completely misread this!

@@timetotanja Understood.

A bunch of projections! And she said she married??! Lawd have mercy on this brothaaaa!

🗣️🗣️🗣️say that!👏🏾

Exactly.

Exactly, I can't do a whinning man. Just step up and be the visionary for your family, so there's no issue when it comes to your wife lining up.

The last two generations of single mothers raised these men. The vast majority of men are single, childless and on their grind.

Passport Bros for the Win

You saved me from having to comment ✊🏾

Don't get into something you expect to fail.

@@quitinfolkes4639 I was actually talking about the women doing that. Not the men. Women think it makes sense to have "Just in case accounts" but don't think that's an expectation to fail. Women want to have "their own money" because they worry about the man they picked to spend their life with is going to abuse them financially. That's what I was talking about.

We did workout dates, walks in the park with a smoothie or coffee in the beginning. Of course nice dinners here and there but both of us love activity dates so it was actually so much fun getting know each other and convos flowed so well. I so agree with you.

Been on fancy dates before and was bored out of my mind. I think it depends on chemistry. I don’t need a lot of attention, not impressed with how much money someone makes. It use to be a straight up turn off once a guy start talking about his work. I love having good LIFE conversations. I guess because my love language is quality time and not receiving gifts of course spending time matters more to me. But going on dates and then not hearing from someone is like a waste of time for both of us so keep it simple. It doesn’t take a lot to get to know someone in my opinion, people make things difficult.

Same here.. my man and I’s first date was coffee. We’re 2 years in now and happy.

You can do all that with a phone or video call. The technology exists.

I am so happy to hear stories like yours as a single man looking for a wife. When you have a woman like yourself, marriage is often a no brainer for the man.

Spoken like a true modern woman that has no clue what her ancestors did to allow the generations to be born and create you. Modern woman are you under the protection of your husband that GOD establish as the order of the family? If not then you have no clue. Now where did JESUS say what you say. JESUS said what make marriage covenant between one man and one woman. You become one.

And that's why men are not getting married.

THIS👆🏾‼️💯 PERIOD

It's interesting how women always come from the position that the man is the problem and needs to change, when women don't even trust other women. Once you take physical abuse off the table, the women are usually the problem. Women cheat at the same rate as men, but get caught less because the side dudes don't talk or try to confront the main dudes... But the side chicks will confront the main woman and put the man's business out. You can't tell women they're the problem because they always get to say they were a victim based on how they were "feeling" at the time. That's why I tell women, don't make permanent decisions on temporary emotions. We don't care how you "felt" when you did it. We care about what you did. Your ACTIONS are more important than your FEELINGS.

You do know biblically a man can have more than one woman

❤❤❤ Yessssss. You're 💯 on point. I too share the exact mentality. I've been married to my good hubby for almost 30 years. He knows that he needs to simply put...just respect and honor me and our marriage because I won't take any crap or nonsense. Also I give him and our marriage the same respect & honor. Plus we do love each other but I have learned that love alone will not keep a marriage afloat. Good to have it but marriages require more than that to thrive. It's true. ❤❤❤

Love and marriage shouldn’t be that hard, yes it needs work but dang no one should lose themselves just to keep the marriage and family. It's like saying marriage and a family is a status you can present to the world but if you look deeper it's rotten and dysfunctional. No individual won’t want to have that for themselves and for the kids they want to raise (as applicable). men and women should have an idea of what kind of family they wanna be in before looking for someone to date and commit to

He just hasn't had sex in a while

She also flipped on the part of the guy should invite to a ~$150 planned date. In 17:24 She prefers a 'creative coffee date'. Will this change how she gives advice to her clients in the future? She wants the guy perform up front from the beginning and pushes back against a mutually beneficial 50/50 coffee meet up unless she knows the guy is being 'creative' with multiple plans at the ready if things go well. The men have obviously adjusted to first dates just not always working out (they're just getting to know each other after all) and being a time and money pit. The women want to be able to shop around in relative luxury which is a privilege that's being taken for granted so negative traits are being placed on men as a result.

@@arturocardona140 I agree with every point you made. Her notion that a person can figure out who someone is simply by talking or chatting over the phone is delusional to me. People need to meet face to face because it’s a totally different experience. For a reason that completely eludes me, she thinks a man should make a blind financial investment in a woman by wining and dining her on the first date, which is not a mutually beneficial relationship transaction in my opinion.

I disagree she gives great advice she’s also married and so are tons of people who have taken her advice. Different strokes for different folks.

@@dswannbeautyartist You are correct regarding her current relationship status. However, she comes across as a fair weather wife and is prepared to leave her husband if things get rough, which is not someone a single or married person should receive relationship advice from in my opinion. Next month will mark 30 years of marriage for my wife and me. We never would have made it here listening to someone like her and my wife agrees. She may have to rethink her position if she’s going to stay married; same applies to her clients. None of the guys I know that have been married 30+ years is with a fair weather woman, and they are not fair weather men.

"Grow with a good man" is code for "Put up with our anti-team behaviors (cheating, abuse etc) until we've reduced you to shell of yourself or until we're tired". Please pay attention ladies, even grandma is warning you!

I’ve been married for 5 yrs.. women mess up with their behavior all the time.. let me give you some examples from my marriage, sis: 1.) 4 yrs ago my wife got drunk with her childhood friend at his house (just them two).. Her family called me and begged me to let it slide, and that she would never sleep with him.. he’s like family.. we dated for a while before marriage.. I never heard of the man until the situation happened. 2.) She almost never listens to wise council.. often times, she prefers to override my requests, especially if they require attention to detail, discipline and effort.. her cooperation is solely dependent on her mood.. this stems from her upbringing, and the little faith she places in men.. which I totally understand. It’s just disrespectful from a man’s perspective.. and difficult to navigate. 3.) just last month.. I worked a 70 hr week.. Friday night, I was exhausted.. she wanted intercourse.. I gave it my best.. she didn’t finish.. she gets upset at me and yells as loud as she could “WTF, ARE YOU GAY???”… I own a condo.. I’m on the HOA board.. I have neighbors.. it was 3-4am.. My job pays well.. but it requires a lot of energy and time.. she takes it personal when my sex drive is low.. she is not adapting to this reality.. I genuinely fear infidelity on her end.. 4.) she put on a facade early on in the relationship.. portraying herself as a virtuous and accommodating woman.. it all fell apart after 2 yrs.. acts of service decreased.. she put me on the back burner and prioritized less important things over the marriage.., moved out at least 3 times within a 3 yr window.. I assume this behavior will only get worse.. but we’ll see.. 5.) (this one is going to sting so brace yourself, sis.. I’m being transparent)… she went from 150 lbs to 230 lbs.. it could be my fault.. I’ve been trying to figure out if there’s some depression there.. maybe it’s the restaurants we frequent.. maybe it’s the off and on sexual performance.. idk yet.. I’m trying to figure it out.. she is too sensitive to hear how the weight makes the sex harder to execute because I’m tossing around more weight, which does not mix well with the nature of my employment and the level of energy it leaves me with daily.. she’s still beautiful, but less appealing and visibly unhealthy.. I am absolutely unwilling to leave this woman.. I love her more than I love myself.. she’s so precious to me and I want to protect her from this cold world.. I am beyond willing to work with her through her issues.. that requires the toleration of disrespectful behavior, and as a man, I’m fine with that. So yeah, she’s not cheating as far as I know... she’s not physically abusing me.. she’s not spending all my bread.. but there are other issues that cannot continue in order for this marriage to go smoothly for the next 50 yrs. I have issues on my end as well.. but I can’t say I disrespect her intentionally.. I put my best foot forward daily to make things work. We have laughs., we lay up in the crib, sip wine and have a ball … we go out.. but the issues listed above are taxing on a man.. and they’re common issues.. I know I’m late, and you may not see this message.. but I still wanna leave it here for you, to give you a man’s perspective. ✌🏾

Your issues most likely caused her to stray. Y’all don’t care!

That is not true. Please share what type of man and income level of that husband. How is it Lebron and Savannah James made it? Are you raised to be a wife like it was before the 60s sexual escapade ?

@@Hathor17 Maybe… however, the husbands I know went into their marriages understanding that issues will inevitably arise.. I did.. so my question to you is… are women not aware of this? Lmk something

True! We don't get the same grace

Lol....We don't care.

@@Mr.Oct___ you cared enough to Comment tho boo🥰The difference is y’all want women to be a fool no matter what and accept cheating etc just bc y’all married instead of y’all doing what y’all need to do to have a successful marriage. Therapy should be #1. Deal with them traumas bc that’s why we can’t get past the “all men gonna cheat” mindframe. We all fked up and need reprogramming.

@@brittanythomas7217 Madame.. .Re-read ur comment. It's YOU who would benefit from therapy. Everything u spewed is personal to your experience yet somehow generalized here. What you said isn't even based in reality so far as cheating goes. The numbers CLEARLY state that women and men cheat at al.ost an identical rate. You're just hurt & off-base. & if u approach any significant relationship feom the position of NOT being vulnerable....YOU WILL LOSE.

Bro they all feminist!!! Save yourself

Exactly

BOOM 💥 soon as she shot down the coffee date due to lack of creativity she completely lost me her logic even seemed kinda sketchy before that. These females want all the bells and whistles from a stranger for absolutely nothing in return.

If that man is cheating and abusing, he’s no good and needs healing.

Women can't continue dating based on potential.

@@Wonderwoman79G I don’t date based on potential, I date based on a man’s character.

Black women need to focus on fixing their personality flaws so they'll be appealing to a high quality man if she meets one.

Which is why I dont date. Most have no potential I desire

Are these men married? 🤔🧐

​@@VeeKayGreenerGrass They both are not ❌. No rings in sight! Good advice, but the folks need to walk the walk, not just talk to talk 💯.

It's not a question of spontaneity, it's this notion that women are inherently MUCH more selfish than men. Men will stick in relationships, because men tend to put duty in the forefront. It's not about our selfish "happiness", it's about the betterment of the collective. Women will destroy healthy relationships simply because they're "unhappy." Men don't talk about happiness. We talk about peace and contentment. Because happiness is extremely fleeting and fickle. Also, the constant use of the term "toxic" needs to stop. Women use that term just because it illicites strong feelings within them. Tough relationships aren't all toxic. Fights aren't all toxic. Difficulties aren't all toxic. Hell even incompatibilities aren't all toxic. But women love using that term. Smh

@@blaxpoitation8528Lies. All lies. Men will stay…and cheat. Entitled til the end and will expect a woman to uphold vows they broke repeatedly.

Men cheat. Simple & even when they don’t, they check out. They don’t need divorce. They have a woman doing everything for them while they do nothing ?

Simple cheap first dates are the best for men and women.

And that’s why both aren’t married but they’re also located in Atlanta & we know about men down there 😳

I was thinking this, but the irony is, let a woman cheat on them, they ain’t staying!! I love their podcast but let’s get real here.

Exactly

Amen the hell with marriage men and women both need a dog and a grill!! Hell animals don't even like a marriage

Exactly..when he gave the analogy of the business partner, I was like huh? Makes no sense! Neither of them are married so not even listening and plus it’s not what men think it’s what I think that matters tbh

😂😂😂 it’s okay be annoyed! There’s frustrations on both sides!

lol yes i agree with both sides.@@alisonwilliams3359

Lol facts

As a 53 season single woman I concur. I am utterly disgusted with the state and stages we're enduring today. Materialistic items and ones income wasn't discussed in our dating. We all were building as one and together. I pray 2024 will silence the majority of these voices. The lights, cameras and actions have created egotistical monsters and behaviors. Thank you for your seasoned response. It's greatly appreciated. 🙏🏾❤️

@@missnewyork4116 you are most welcome, its tough out here and I don't see it changing. I may have to aim at a younger demographic. My age group simply has too much past trauma (at least the last 10 years has shown me). 😔

​@@maxfitt227 Do what makes you happy because finding a gem in these today is rare. Too many are truly focusing on the wrong concerns. I pray you discover the one for you. Timing is our best friend regardless of our age. Don't allow these voices to manipulate your seasoned years. Remember nothing tastes good without the right seasoning, timing and temperature. 🙏🏾❤️

I agree because you really get to know a person after spending time in their physical presence.

@@hazeldunson7258 body language is another useful form of communication that cannot be faked...

I don’t agree

Their analogy about business partner was the worst and dumb! Was surprised the host didn’t challenge their philosophy

You all will take it to the extreme to prove a point as if we dont hear some petty reasons some women divorce. Violence is a crime

Because unlike women who only wanna be heard and not solve the problems they have men talk to solve women talk to be heard n thata why you guys spend years in therapy just talking n wasting money away just to be heard n in the end u maybe even going more cos ur screwing the therapist if his a guy like that's not solving issues but creating more issues we talk it out n then solve it if one can't help solve it we loose elsewhere for solutions thats why alot of men don't do therapy thanks you very much

You don't know how many actually are willing to do therapy do you? If you go back to the previous issue of women filing at 80% and>, there are lots of reasons to believe women file because modern women overestimate themselves.

A Marriage counselor or therapist. Most women are in therapy because they've been with so many men that they're mentally with them all at the same time. That calls for therapy.

When you have therapist like her you are already lost!

Effort. It takes effort to not just go to therapy, but to find the therapist that works for you. And forever, men and women have told young boys to suck it up. Internalize that shit and keep moving. That hasn't worked, but it is still promoted.

And she had clients listen to her!!!

You are on RU-vid. You are a modern man 😂

The wife is not happy because her husband is cheating. What woman would want her children to see her get abused? There was a New York Times article about women cheating in their marriage.

I guess their responses make a ton of sense to men.

Those studies do not correct for men who deleted themselves after a divorce. Which will obviously impact the data.

Indeed, his thought process is problematic. However, Yada corrected him. If he listened is a whole other thing. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Ryan is not the prize. I really like him but at dissonance with all these 'take instructions and directions ' . She's not your servant. And, people have different upbringing.So.e grew up in homes where everyone is loud but others are soft spoken. It's always nature and nurture. Oh Ryan! Please.

I had to look to see who was speaking, his point was good.

I don't need to know how to take instructions, I feel I need a man who wants to partner with me, and I found one 16 to years ago, I was 46 years old. We talked on the phone for hrs nearly daily and learned a lot about each other. I was very independent, had a decent job, cars and my own home and 2 kids that were 9 & 10 at that time. I made a little we more money than him, but he always did we ha to we agreed upon . We go to married in 8 months. I told him I was looking for the same thing he was looking for: financial stability, faithful, supportive, loving, able to cook and share household duties honesty, and a good example for my children. He said no problem, he could do that. He was the only man to that point that stepped in and actually supported me in all ways, I felt like I could finally let my guard down because I had someone that would share that load as n make sure everything was taken care of. It's 16 years later and he still has my back.❤

I totally agree these men are seemingly like feminine men to me who think they're the prize lol

They want women to be traditional but ain't nowhere near it.

Isn't that the same mentality that most modern women express?...talking about how the man will be able to support them long term if that man can't spend huge amount of money that they, the woman, feel is to the level they judge deemed acceptable...often even before the first date...so...🤷‍♂️

​@@Heyu7her3taking care of a man is nurturing

They are not only not married they aren’t giving leader mentality they are just repeating text book ideology. Most “Men” don’t even care about all of this. These men give chatty patty

Q😊

Period

Sometimes you gotta put yourself in a man's shoes . The man is putting up his time and money just for you to enjoy the food and figure out if you like him or not. Add to that the fact that we know if you really like the guy you will go wherever. It's not about paying it's about not feeling like shit once the date is off, and all you got for it is attitude and an empty wallet.

Buy your own food and drink then lol No stranger owes you anything 🤷🏾‍♂️

Broke vibes😂

she might also want to have you spend money for the "worth"

@@testingoyay4648 what I spend is on me , not her

Assume the worst and hope for the best. If you think redirection is a good sign then think again because she probably learned it from someone else.

Yup. Single women are the happiest demographic & live the longest. Married men live longer than single men because they're leeching the life outta their wives. For Black people, single+childless BW are the most financially secure. BM attain middle class status via marriage. They're the gold diggers.

I assume by your comment you are probably under 30 probably 25. Your attitude will change but it will be to late

That's not true because so many women left good men despite all that he has done and they have 0 remorse. All they can say is they got bored which is a terrible excuse because marriage is not always suppose to be sunshine and rainbows, its rather hard work on both ends. To add… yes, there are some messed up man and they are the reason behind divorces but let’s not act like all of these divorces and fallouts (in the case of the couple not being married) is never a woman’s fault because of superficial reasons.

Somebody's paying attention...Attempting to reason w/ them is the definition of fruitless.

All of that is so important. A good male friend of mine told me to really look at his family dynamics: how he treats his Mom, sisters and other family.Also if he included you in family events or getting to know his family or if he spoke about plans or a future with you..very important

@@carrierobbins6800 don't pay too much mind to what he says because future faking is a thing. What he does/did is what's important.

This screams "emotional, chauvinist man".