This Mistake Teaches Your Toddler To Ignore You… 

I love your videos! Sorry to be slightly off topic but can you please make a video about your opinion on sleep training methods, particularly Ferber? And their long term effect on the psychological health of babies? This is a controversial topic and I can't find a conclusive answer. I think your input will be very valuable. Thank you!

Who has time to stop multi tasking and focus on a toddler? It would take an entire village worth of people helping with the kid in order for mom to be that focused...hmm...that sounds familiar...

@@ChiefHerzensCoach You sound a bit mental, my friend. There's nothing in this vid that states that there's an expectation of total submission. Toddlers do need to pay attention to adults. Adults need to time their instructions properly, and stop multi tasking when it's time to parent. You missed the point of the video entirely. When children are calm and submissive, they're the most mentally healthy. They are slowly and gently elevated in the pack order by their parents, until they surpass their parents and become self actualized, but parents are the pack leaders first. Hierarchy is natural law. Power and responsibility go together, and the reason children can't handle power is because they lack the experience to be fully responsible for themselves. Just because you're butt hurt about authoritarian parenting doesn't mean you should misunderstand and attack authoritative parenting. Too emo to reason.

Does this work with older kids like first graders ?

I'm having an issue with my toddler spitting his drink on everything(floor, toys, shirt). Any advice?

omg he uno reverse card-ed you

@@anjafrohlich1170 what's up with god ?!

Tells you who's in control.

@@miyounova why do you care?

@@anjafrohlich1170 You sure about that?

This is the best explanation of parenthood that I have ever read 😂

Good advice. It's really about how they receive

This only happens with kids whose parents didn't know the vid above. If the consequences of not responding are adequate they hear you alright. It's only the conscientious ones who hear you otherwise.

@@lorrimang I would recommend Body of 9 to learn why I am accurate. It is a physiological thing.

That kind of catering does not prepare them to function in the world.

Indeed! Self control is one fruit of the Spirit of our Lord and Savior, Yeshua/Jesus Christ. If you’re struggling with self control, patience, gentleness or any of the spiritual fruits that few of us were blessed to experience in our own childhoods, lean into God :) He is waiting to fill you with His Spirit which comes with the joy alongside all the others. Parenting is not easy, but stay grounded and sense of it all is possible. Praying for you and all the parents out here! 🫶🏽🙏🏽🙂‍↕️

My ex wife is a great example, running around "let's go, let's go" but she was still starring in her phone and didn't got ready. And even as an adult your learn pretty fast after sitting around fully dressed and sweating, just wait until she gets pissed and starts screaming around that you just scream back in response "your screaming around since 15 min to get ready and your the only one that not ready".

It does! 100%, people respond to clear positive communication. Just add in normal adult tone to prevent condescension

Works with animals as well. Big Dogs need clear guidance or they can hurt someone. And that's on you not them.

adults are toddlers

@@yo6285 beg to disagree. Some are babies ...

This made me laugh. My kids would spend more energy thinking up other options to avoid doing either than it would take to do the actual walking!

@@juiice :D

Lol this is genius, thanks for the tip

​@juiice yup, I've tried the option stuff and it opens a portal to hell everytime.

Mine would simply say "no I want to dance"

What do you mean? Can you explain please?

@@mayathebraveofkitwanga448 I'm always aware of where they are and what they are doing and why. In that way, if they are not responding, we can stop and talk about it, which we did - usually calmly and lovingly. I gave them lots of room to wander and play and work through things, but by being aware, I was prepared and informed - the message was always, "dad is on the job."

@@justinahole336 make sure they also get privacy (especially as teens) but otherwise you seem to be doing very well, keep it up!!

@@theknight1573 Awe! Thanks! Agreed! Privacy and autonomy are really important in the teen years - it's all about separation and independence. but, again, check back to see if I got it right.

@@theknight1573 privacy is important, but even privacy has limits, when you're a minor your parent still has to check on you now and then, safety always comes before privacy.

It also incorrectly teaches them that timers start at one instead of zero.

Wrong. 123 works brilliantly for me because there’s always a punishment at 3. Always. Without fail.

@@nbceveningmusic1649 If there's always a punishment at 3:00 then that means they keep acting out until you get to 3 which proves their point.

​@@michaelenglish839That logic is flawed. If the child gets punished at 3, they pretty soon figure out that they must act before it gets to 3, so at 2 at the latest. Nobody wants to intentially get punished several times per day. Well, maybe if you are a masochist, but even in that case there is consequences that they don't want, so it's a matter of how you implement the punishement. But I don't think that it would be necessary to be that strict either, and punish the child constantly. As long as the punishement is on the table if things don't eventially go as they should, it's usually enough. If the child has understud what they are supposed to do, and had sufficient time to do it, they usually do it. At some ages children test their parents intentionally and see what reaction they get from them, and at those times you have to follow up on what you have said. But most of the time there is no need for punishements, the praises for doing right is usually much better incentive anyway.

@@Tyrisalthan You don't have kids obviously

children are not adults, they are learning, meaning they dont come pre-learned. Same goes with "being ungrateful" or "bothering on purpose", they cant express an emotion they havent learned yet, you cant proyect unto children your asumptions of how adults behave.

The parent trains the toddler, and the toddler trains the parent. For example, you got trained to talk about consequences.

@@ReaderViaNil and once they learn those emotions/thoughts/principles, they WILL try them out on you. And your response will teach them what happens if they do. Know from experience for the one time I intentionally bugged my mom until she broke 😅

i hate parents i hope you all d1e😂😂😹

I also have a background and psychology and have definitely learned just how difficult it is to recognize patterns in your own behavior-I think knowing your intentions (regardless of whether or not they come to fruition) behind your behavior can certainly cloud your perception of yourself. I really struggled training my dog bc he isn’t the most trainable (he’s half husky) and would’ve likely been very successful with a dog who is eager to please, highly motivated by food/praise/play, and not strong willed. But my dog presented challenges that made me change my behaviors to make things easier, and my approach wasn’t as effective. I reflected often on how I was approaching things, and I was fully willing to admit mistakes I made, but i didn’t have success identifying the issues in my approach until I decided to go to a trainer. She helped me see things I was simply blind to, no matter how hard I tried to be objective and how often I assessed myself and reflected on things I needed to improve on. It’s especially important, I think, for those of us with backgrounds in psych to remain humble, reflective, always willing to admit mistakes or weaknesses, and be eager to learn from others! My mentors always encouraged us to seek counseling to help us stay aware of ourselves so our own shortcomings didn’t get in the way of our job.

You sound like a fantastic Grandpa :-)

Thank you, I try!

You’re an awesome grandpa God bless you and your family and grand babies to come ! In Jesus Name Amen 😊

wow, good she has learned to swim so young

Same but the parents in the flat above ours constantly shout at them and i was wondering why 😄

Lol 😂😂😂

She is GOOD!

Same, but fascinating nonetheless

And I should be asleep

Thank you Kamila!

Applied behavioral Analyses is like this. It's fancy Psychology......that feels like dog training.

@@kellharris2491 I second that.. It most certainly does.

No shade, but what if you are exhausted and unable to stay present? What if you have adult ADHD and staying present isn't always a capability? This is neurotypical advice that I severely wish was as easy for me as you are mentioning it is.

scary youre already a teacher and dont kno this. not just you im sure. this is why i pay for private for my kids

@@otpays8552 Not as scary as the fact you reproduced.

@@otpays8552 and u think privat schools are any better the teachers who learn to become normal teachers teach in privat schools I was in one and it was a waste of money some are good but u have to be lucky enough or search long enough too find them

@@otpays8552 the benefits of private education are the class sizes, extra-curricular opportunities and long term connections and biases that will help the child when applying for uni/jobs etc. The teachers are not necessarily any better or more qualified. If you’re happy sending your children to private school, good for you. You don’t need to try and tear someone down in the process of boasting about being able to do so, though.

i have autism and started talking at 3 years old.

Same advice. After teaching for 34 years, I always joke that there is no difference between a toddler and a preteen. Except the preteen is taller and has more vocabulary. 😅 I love them!!!

So happy to hear you are finding these videos helpful! It's awesome to hear you are watching these in preparation for when do have kids in the future.

Thank you!

And puppies.

The problem is some people understand a question as a question. Like your boss telling you "could you copy these documents", it's not a question, it's an order, but it sounds nicer...and you know when the order tone comes up its serious. Saying "could you bring down the garbage"...no, I'm just drinking my evening beer..."bring down the garbage, NOW"...first you asked me, now your ordering me?. No, you just wanted to be polite. Honey, don't you think the grass is to high? ... meaning : that grass is to high, it needs to get cut. Understanding : is not sure, needs second opinion.

@@mammutMK2 The situations you describe are incredibly confusing to a small child. My mother is like that. Expecting children to "read between the lines" and understand that "Could you take out the garbage" is a command couched as a polite request, is frustrating and confusing. Say what you mean. If you want to be polite, use "please" and "thank you," not "could you" or hinting or beating around the bush.

@@deadparrot5953 and it is so easy: "bring me the box of lego" , not "could you bring me the box of lego?" ... the kid directly thinks, I'd that a question, is that an order? But even as grown up, depending in the situation, a friendly order since better than a dumb question

So glad it was helpful!

Meanwhile, your boss is watching this video, thinking, "These are great tips to use with Rick to get him to do his job instead of watching RU-vid." 😄

The heads up can also trigger all kinds of other behavior. Like saying they’re hungry. Or suddenly launching into sone kind of hyperactive play. Or running away. Or throwing a tantrum.

Thanks Kate! Hope it helps 😀

Try doing the task with a child that age. It aften works better than expecting them to do the whole lot themselves.

@@learnenglishwithauntyjeanp1646 yeh I agree with u on that

@@learnenglishwithauntyjeanp1646 Thank you. I will do that!

I remember as a child being constantly upset by the behaviour of adults--disrespectful, demanding, and aggressive. I complied (resentfully) because they were bigger and stronger, and learned to strategize (lying, manipulation) to avoid conflict. Thankfully, as an adult, I read about P.E.T., a communication course developed by Dr Thomas Gordon. I learned how to interact with all ages of humans in ways that are mutually respectful and cooperative. Everyone's needs get met and the home is full of trust, peace, and fun! ❤

When I'm helping young parents and telling them about "consequences" one of the first things I tell them is whatever you and your spouse have decided the consequences are to be, they are NEVER to be administered in anger. The main goal of discipline -- teaching a child to obey -- is teaching a child self-discipline. Anger does not promote self-discipline. With self-discipline, a child will grow up to go to eat their veggies before their dessert, go to sleep instead of watching TV, do homework instead of playing video games. Another great reason to teach your child to obey immediately is SAFETY. When your child doesn't run away from you in a parking lot, steps away from the edge of a pool when you ask, doesn't run into a street when they see a dog. As an adult who has been taught obedience without anger, they will follow instructions from authority figures (teachers, police, supervisors) with respect. Respect and boundaries. They are key in raising a child to be healthy, happy, and a successful member of society.

Have you thought of using the same firm, but loving approach with your wife that you do with your kids? Sure, she is an adult. And yes, she is responsible for herself. But she likely learned bad habits herself. And/or is ineffective at follow through, due to stress in other areas of her life, such as your relationship. Has her patience and overreactions gotten worse over time? You have to look back at yourself as well to explore the full answer as to why. Usually, relationships issues are not one sided. Though from each person’s perspective, it can feel that way. Look, not one of us likes to be judged or reprimanded. Many times, we don’t use clear communication when expressing our concerns, and it can come across as chastising and telling someone they aren’t good enough, and how to be better. Because spouses are supposed to be equals in a partnership, one telling the other how to parent is likely to have the OPPOSITE effect intended. Pointing out how they listen to you and why isn’t actually helpful. If you two aren’t able to discuss things without one or both of you being offended, perhaps a competent counselor could guide you through. Even little things like this can become a seemingly unsurpassable mountain before either realizes it. Your kids deserve for you both to have a better relationship. It’s hard. Relationships. In ways we aren’t made fully aware of until we find ourselves in the thick of it. Then we either feel stuck and act like a caged animal, using poor coping skills that do more damage than soothe, or we run away, because it is easier, and we convince ourselves this is the only way to be happy. We make happiness our highest priority. When happiness is only the bonus of life that is not guaranteed. Yet we tend to feel it is our birthright, due to false messages from society. The priority should be our responsibilities, developing compassion and understanding, and learning what sacrifice truly means and how it is relevant to our personal progression in this life. I know it isn’t easy, but I have a feeling your wife has everything in her to be what your kids need her to be. It is harder to discover this and flower under duress, in particular for certain personality types. Maybe give her the same patience and care you show the kids. See her as the unfinished being that she is. If you’ve stopped believing in her potential, perhaps work on that. Maybe your grace and faith in her will be the catalyst she needs. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m NOT blaming you for her choices and behavior. I just know enough from experience and observation of others that when one partner has a complaint, while simultaneously pointing out how they do something correctly, there is usually more to the story. Even if one or both parties are not yet fully aware of the unhealthy dynamic that has formed. Let’s say there is nothing you could improve on. (but realistically, who among us DOESN’T have SOMEthing?) Sometimes taking the high road yields better results. And I don’t mean the holier than thou high road. I mean the humble and benefit of the doubt high road. Your negative feelings towards her will only translate to your kids, inadvertently. She has much to give, as you do. And you each have different strengths and weaknesses. Find a way to use this to your collective advantage. To become the unit you both desire and your kids need. Round each other out. Find reasons to praise her. Reinforce to your kids that they should respect mom. She doesn’t have to be perfect to be deserving of it. Just as your kids don’t have to be perfect to be deserving of respect and love. I truly hope you two find a way to communicate better so each is understood, without it causing too much harm to the other and to the relationship. You’ve made it this far, which says a lot. You aren’t alone. Most of us go through this stuff, in some way, shape or form. Although you couldn’t tell by how we tend to present ourselves in person and online. I guarantee the most seemingly perfect family has their challenges that may be unseen in public. I’m not an expert, nor have I mastered my own life and relationships. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t learned anything in my 43 years. You can overcome what sometimes appears impossible. Hope may wane, but don’t let it go entirely. The future is unwritten.

Thanks so much!❤️

Yay! Thank you!

I'm so glad it's helpful! 😀

@@iamwhoyousayiam6773 thank you so much i needed to hear that today!!!!! i’m trying to be the best mama i can but some days i fall short. thank you for the kind words 💖

No worries at all! I am glad I can help!

This totally makes sense. Occasionally, I'll be in the middle of a task and my wife will ask me to do something right now. I understand the urgency but it sure is irritating to have to stop something right immediately without at least 2-3 minutes of warning.

I'm so glad!

You're so welcome!

Just start doing it, it should work pretty quickly

You're welcome!