Duke's 401k obviously took a hit recently and I don't think those damn alien bastards have a plan to recoup what was lost because of an incoming bear market. I don't think those damn alien bastards are going to help him retire any earlier than 73 at this point or at least have the common curtesy of putting duke out of his misery before he shits himself in his adult diaper while at being the old guy greeting people at the door at Walmart.
You got to give Andrey Avkhimovich credit for keep trying to play grab bag. Not many people would have had the patience or the diligence to keep up with Dukes speech
"I've believed aliens were real my whole life, until the government said it. Now I'm not so sure." That's genuinely the best argument against the existence of aliens I've ever heard.
@fist-of-doom487 I mean its litterally impossible for us to be alone with how many billions of planets are out there. There has to be atleast one microscopic spec of bacteria somewhere in the universe
A comparison i've seen in other videos: everytime the government talks about UFOs to cover for their shortcomings, it feels *EXACTLY* like Overwatch revealing a character is nonbibary to cover for their scandals.
Admittedly, one is much easier to notice than the other. Little space guys don’t exactly just go away when they crash from space. People without healthcare, on the other hand, die eventually.
@@rayriflepie397 "Alien ladies, looking for something new and exotic? Come pick yourself up an Earthling Boytoy; just cover some live-in necessities and one can be yours today! 😘" **Giant lobster takes up the offer** 🤣
I mean, the president did try to have him killed and start an intergalactic empire with the aliens so he's fully justified in believing the government is corrupt...
there's a reason we've become so strong. and it defintley wasnt through fair play. not saying i like the corruption. i hate it. i have to live in the world that looks like its gonna fall apart if something doesnt go its way. but its gonna take a whole hell of a lot to change the government. and i dont really even know if protests do much anymore. I dont think they even give a fraction of a shit about them anymore.
I like to think Duke is giving a speech to a crowd, and a band is in the background trying to add to his one liners, but every time they think he's done, he keeps talking and they stop playing and look at eachother confusedly
I think the most masterful part of this is how his theme music keeps trying to cut in like “Ok Duke, that’s enough social commentary” and Duke just refuses to let himself be interrupted.
Social commentary. The fact that this concept exist is the summary of everything wrong today. A bunch of assholes made it so that its basically bad manners and controversial to talk about the problems in society, probably since they figured otu that the first step in fixing a problem is talking about it.
I like to imagine that there’s just the whole band on the sidelines, thinking that he’s done every time, but then immediately stopping once he starts again. “You can keep your alien bastards. I got work in the morning.” Duke sighs and leaves the studio. The band look at each other in confusion as the lights go out, until they finally decide to finish what they started, topping of the guitar riff.
@@johnx140 i wanted to reply with something, but then i realized i'd be meta commentating on how awful of a person i am because of not getting enough attention as a kid. and also trying to satisfy my never-ending, gluttonous hunger for attention. tbh even this could be seen as a thing that i do to try and satisfy my greed. i should just stop talking.
_”I’ve believed aliens are real my whole life - until the government said it. Now I’m not so sure.”_ I’ve never related to a statement harder than this.
I agree. I always thought there was some kind of extraterrestrial life. And now that the Government decides to say it now, in a time of such great instability, I'm starting to believe more and more that space is dead.
@@invurret9533 Honestly that’s probably for the best. Even if aliens existed, they’d probably be incomprehensible hell creatures and some kind of war would be inevitable. The point is that you’re not getting a xeno-gf and even if you did the then necessary unification of mankind will effectively make each of us even more disposable than we already are. Frankly we got enough issues to figure out down here, we don’t need xenos running around.
Imagine Duke delivering this like a press conference to a crowd of people excited about the aliens, walking offstage at the end after throwing down the microphone, an awkward guilt ridden pause, then Megadeth playing the song Duke kept cutting off
Government: *probably testing a bunch of illegal experiments violating human rights, also probably testing a bunch of illegal weaponry. Average people: "Hey! what you're doing and hiding from us is really suspicious!" Government: "Oh no..." Average people: "We know it's Aliens!" Government: *breaths sigh of relief* "Oh no, you found us out. It's aliens guys! It's totally aliens, you got us: oh no the message is out: whatever shall we do?"
Believe in aliens until the government tells you that they are real is too relatable. Obviously, they needed to pull out the biggest distraction to distract from the fact that everything is falling apart.
THE GOVERNMENT SAID NOTHING FFS WHY DOES NO-ONE THINK FOR MORE THAN 5 MINUTES ABOUT THIS?!?!?! IT WAS ONE GUY! ONE FUCKING GUY! WITH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EVIDENCE!!!!!! THERE ARE NO FUCKING ALIENS!!! sorry had to get that off my chest
(More specifically so they can build even more sophisticated technology to go try and pummel China to keep their rate of profit up bc capitalism is just that twisted lmao)
There's definitely a few ways to look at it. Like obviously intelligent life other than humans is real. There's millions of planets so that's not hard to believe anymore. What if aliens life does want to help? In reality this bombshell really does have an impact on the world except it's far greater than just the world. It'll impact the future of humanity in the long-run and this is a step towards that. Earth plays such a small role in the grand scheme of things and it's exciting that the universe is so much more vast than we first thought. The solution to all these issues that we perceive as big could be found out there.
Christ this is just too real. I still live with my mom in a broken ass housing market and a broken ass job market with my broken ass autistic brain and my broken ass dysfunctional family. It's hard, man. _sick guitar riff_
They literally unveiled "alien corpses" this week and we are like "yeah ok, this is clearly a distraction from you attempting to impose yet more control upon us"
Really just throw a bone out of left field; some psychic cuttlefish riding a platinum meteor buys out humanity, and although we still might need to work part time is enough or something.
whats funny is the dude who showed the mexican government the "alien corpses" is literally well-known for being a troll. those alien bodies were already debunked in like 2013 he made them himself
It's not wrong though. Even if it was 100% confirmed that we have encountered aliens, it's not gonna change a single thing about people needing to put food on the table.
Ironically, if Duke gets theoretically payed for his appearances in the games, then that’s exactly what they do. Then again, he hasn’t gotten a role since Forever. Maybe not.
You know, thats a good question. Even if the evidence was irrefutable, if they had a corpse or even a live alien, could I even begin to care? Would life change for the better? Or would I still just go to work and go on like normal?
No matter what, things will not change. Things will never get better. They have been going downhill for over 40 years now and show no signs of stopping, only getting even worse. The power balance is completely one sided. We are all trapped in this "life". The only way out is to eat the rich and powerful. Even then, they would simply be replaced by more awful people. For every 1 good person, there are 100 or more awful people. We are completely doomed, and politics is the only option we have for "change".
@@Burnabyboy keep talking about the 'good' and 'bad' people as if those two words were even remotely objective. Reason we're in such deep shit is because plenty of people think they know who's good and who's bad and try to act on it.
@@Burnabyboyhonestly humanity has been in deeper shit before, we will be fine Edit: As for the OP, things will probably not change much anytime soon other than the fact that we know for certain that there was or still is life out there. I mean, many discoveries mankind made were pretty much useless and didn't change a thing until we got to the point that those things would matter.
Duke Nukem is what every 90's boy wanted to be growing up. This video is what we actually are. A truly magnificent breakdown of childhood expectations versus adult reality, this is the most moving art piece I've ever seen.
God, this is just so real. Like, it starts, "ah cool another duke meme" but he cuts off the music with a fact and its got a bit of comedy, but he keeps doing it and its just so hard hitting, and now its not cutting the music to have comedy but to just shut it up. And then of course it starts right as the video ends, while these facts are serious and real, and duke seems really human throughout this, thats still there for the fact that this is just a video and we still need some light-hearted enjoyment in this depressing reality.
The sad thing is, the Senate has already started working on an Act meant to collect and declassify all kinds of records that it might have on UAPs. It's an amendment to another act that's all about- you guessed it- Increasing military funding
"We can't keep funding the military, the trans people still haven't declared war dammit WE DON'T HAVE AN ENEMY" "...what about... aliens?" It really feels like the US is struggling to justify it's military spending even to itself for decades so by now they're really just inventing new enemies. Apparently they now ran out of countries to invade?
Glad Congress is working on important things like bombing irrelevant countries and investigating fake aliens. I mean what else should they focus on, the worsening climate? The god awful infrastructure? Affordable healthcare?
The music repeatedly getting interrupted by Duke's nihilistic viewpoints followed by it just giving up and then finally playing for a split second at the end sends me.
@@SheepUndefineddon’t wanna pay rent??? bank says you can’t pay a mortgage??? start a business!1!!1 buy my course for $999.99 a month to see how!!1!!1 *(we need to crush capitalism before it kills everything)*
“I gotta tell ya, I’ve believed aliens are real my whole life. Now that the governments said it, I’m not so sure” Duke continues his uninterrupted run as most based man in history
« You can keep your damn alien bastards. I got work in the morning.. » This made me feel.. sad. That’s really unexpected. No matter how funny this video is, it resonates with most of us. Either because we relate to it or know that many live in this situation.
Doesn't really matter if they're real or not. Even if I personally say they are, aliens aren't going to help with my rent or crippling debt. They're not going to kidnap me either, so why should I care about 'em?
@@RehtealWhether or not they know where we live and their response to that will be a large factor in whether or not our future looks like Trek, or 40k in our approach to dealing with them.
or rather we knew they existed(ofc we are not alone in this vast universe), but no one really cares bc it changes nothing. it's not like you can personally speak to them or anything.
This hits so much realer than I honestly expected it to. It's some mixture of harrowing and satisfactory to hear all of this--*dissatisfaction* voiced so firmly. Because I know we're all feeling it, now we just have the means to express it, all in convenient Duke Nukem form!
I literally hear “blow it out yer ass” in Duke’s voice every time I see some shit about aliens now, it’s so fuckin’ trite it’s unspeakably insulting that they’re even bothering.
I'm honestly glad this is how I found out about the alien thing. I would like all future life changing discoveries to be announced by Duke going through an existential crisis
"Non human biological material recovered from a UFO" A pelican flies into a drone or weather balloon and it crashes. They can't identify what kind of drone or balloon it is. Non human biological material recovered from a UFO. A dog or other primate is used as a test passenger in a foreign experimental rocket, as has been done many times before, and it crashes on US Soil. US military doesn't know what kind of rocket it is. Non human biological material recovered from a UFO An crow flies into a jet engine and is pulverized. The US military can't identify what kind of animal the splattered mess that was once a flying animal is. Non human biological material recovered from a UFO. The pilot of an foriegn experimental aircraft that crashed on US soil had a roast beef sandwich on him. Non human biological material recovered from a UFO.
I mean at this point. It would honestly take a lot for people to be convinced that aliens are real. Photos, videos, and even live streams can’t be trusted. Not even word from a public official can be trusted. Aliens would have to physically come down and start fucking things up for anyone to believe lol
There are no fucking aliens, guys, omfg. This kind of thing happens all the fucking time. So called whistleblowers with exclusive information (and no evidence) have been coming out for all of the time UFOs have been a 'thing'. Keyhoe, Frank Scully, Gerald Heard, all of these former government officials coming out saying they just KNOW aliens are real, and NEVER coming forward with anything. Furthermore, if the government is so keen on silencing anyone who tells 'the truth', then WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY LETTING YOU SPEAK? Honestly the media reaction to this hearing WAY more intense than it deserves.
Y'know, I have some kind of hope that these aliens are one of two kinds of beings: 1: Saiyan like conquerors who either take over the world or kill everyone, or 2: People who just come here for 5 seconds, communicate with some animals, and then dip. There's also the secret 3rd option in which we applaud as they take over, knowing their government is probably better than ours by a longshot.
Unironically this. I've been seeing the same sentiment on Twitter, Reddit, and on some parts of 4chan, and it can be summed up as "aliens are fake and the US government is only saying they are to distract the populace and to justify increasing military spending," it's absolutely wild.
Isn't it wild how we used to go absolutely batshit every time something could be remotely linked to extraterrestrial activity? And now that the government's like "oh yeah, aliens are real by the way" we're just like "oh. Okay."?
It’s because the government hasn’t said that. All we have are unconfirmed claims (from interesting sources, but there is no solid proof at the moment).
And also the fact that the "confirmation" boiled down to "I can't say that. But it was real big deal. Can't say what. But it was earth-shattering. Classified information. And it was so weird."
Sometimes the Alien Bastards arent the crisis of a intergalactic danger that wanna take the world over .... sometimes the Alien Bastards are the people who dont understand to take their responsibilities and duties to help improve the world into better one .
"Ive believed aliens are real my whole god damn life, until the government said it" After these past couple years, I think a lot of people follow this sentiment 🤣
The US can only use the "look, aliens!" distraction so many times before the conspiracy becomes centered around trying to figure out which media controversy they're trying to bury at the given moment
I think this happens because aliens basically become animals or more advanced humans if they're real (we still need proof). Their supposed existence takes away the magic of speculation, the wondering of what they would be like, and the mysticism that surrounds them. Now they are just regular beings who sometimes compete against each other in the game of how many Air Force pilots can they give heart attacks to.
If the government kept denying they were real, people should've known they were being suspicious but too scared to say anything cause the FBI can arrive to their front door whenever If the FBI can get the Dutch police to arrest a 14 year old girl for making bomb threats to American Airlines, they sure can track you down for just talking about them
Every time he interrupts the music it feels like they’re trying to end the meme but Duke won’t let them because he has to get his rant off of his chest lmao
In the words of Black Sabbath's song "Wicked World": "They can put the man on the moon quite easy, while people here on earth are dying of old diseases..." Duke also got to the moon, but "The Man" didn't help him and I say that it wasn't quite easy. Even if you're saving the planet and it's babes you're struggling on your own...
There's another song from 1970 called "Whitey on the Moon" by Gil Scott-Heron, a spoken poem said to the beat of drums that critiques the expidenture toward the moon landings while Black Americans were experiencing medical debt, high taxes, and poverty. Worth a listen.
