Toddler tantrums: What I DON'T do when my child throws a tantrum 

Hehehe

I agree ☝🏻 one of the best youtubers I’ve seen 😊

True

That really means a lot to me, thank you!

It is so hard sometimes, I totally get it!

Thank you so much, I really wanted to share a different approach to parenting that resonated with me.

Thank you Tanya, I remind myself that line all the time.

Thank you :)

Thank you so much, I really wanted to share a different approach to parenting that resonated with me.

@@Feelgoodmama ♥ 😘

I'm so glad you found this helpful Avanti, sometimes the only thing that works is giving it time, and knowing that tomorrow is another day ;)

Thank you for making me part of your journey!

So glad it was helpful!

So nice of you!

We all go through this phase, I'm glad you were able to relate! Patience is everything!!

SO glad you resonate with this, most of us don't get it, but when we do, it completely changes our parenting style!

@@Feelgoodmama very true.... and I'm still practicing. :)

Thank you so much, I really wanted to share a different approach to parenting that resonated with me.

@@Feelgoodmama yaa dear thanks a lot for that, we should learn from each other share experiences so it will be easy for each new mom to make her journey more memorable and people like you who taken initiative to share these important things with others are really remembered for life 😊

Thank you, currently I get only 3 hours a week to make a video, so not able to make as many as I want to. But will make more soon! Thank you for being patient!

Glad to hear it, I've realized that attachment is not such a bad thing. The book "Unconditional Parenting" by Alfie Kohn might be worth looking into!

Thank you :)

Sirisha Govind, thank you, this is exactly the kind of discussion I wanted, since I ask myself similar questions. I am still figuring it out as I evolve as a parent, and my reasoning is as follows. Unconditional love is misunderstood, it does not mean pampering or letting a child get away with wrongdoing. If he doesn't want to brush his teeth, and I let him get away with it, it is neither respectful nor loving. It does not relieve me from the tough day to day work of parenting, it may in fact be harder to do it the gentler way. Yelling gets things done faster. Talking about germs and cavities takes much longer. I believe long term consequences are considered, even more, as the child will do things because he understands them, not because it is just a rule to follow, which they can break when no one is watching. As for working hard, we assume that children will be lazy if we don't teach them hard work, but I think children are inherently passionate learners. Have you seen a baby learning to walk? They don't give up after one fall. It is only when we interfere with their natural learning by putting all the focus on grades and comparison, that they lose their internal drive. They fall prey to the system and get lost in the rat race. Even if they do well all their life, one failure is enough to send them down a spiral (personal experience). I also don't expect people will love him the way I do, which is why it is so important that he knows his worth without anyone's opinions. We feel good when people call us smart, but are shattered if they call us stupid, this is because our identity is tied to their opinion of us. If a child has an internal monitor instead of an external one, he will not be affected by others behavior towards him. If he hurts someone I would like him to apologize because he sees their pain, and not simply because I tell him to say sorry. Of course this is ideal, but we don't live in an ideal world. Unconsciously I'm sure I will project my personality traits on him, but I try to be more aware of it. As for the values I want him to learn, are fearlessness, kindness and curiosity, which I think all children inherently have, we just need to get out of their way so they can express themselves. Food will be a temptation for sure, and I already face that with him. But if he enjoys several healthy foods too, he tends to more or less find a balance. That is one of the challenges we need to deal with ;) Sorry my response is even longer than your questions! I hope it makes sense though. Thanks!

Thanks for the beautifully written response Vidya, that cleared up a lot of my doubts! I really hope you continue making these parenting videos as Vikrant grows older and starts going to school. With the example you gave about walking, I feel that there are some activities where the next step is easy or natural to see and others where it is much harder. For example babies see all of us walking and have a curiosity and interest to do the same. But doo you think babies are passionate learners even when they don’t know what they are working towards? If they never saw any of us walking, do you think they would try? The reason I’m asking this is because as they start exploring academic areas or other interests such as sports, where the next level is not easily visible without getting into the system, how can we as parents try to preserve their innate interest for the field and not let them get into the loop of comparisons while still encouraging them to keep up their level of excitement and not get satiated? I remember as a child I would do many things because my parents would show me examples of other kids who had great accomplishments in those areas, but those were never things that I enjoyed doing after I reached that certain goal. While I do appreciate my parents for allowing me to be exposed to so many different areas, I don’t think the method of direct comparisons was correct because I had very little motivation to take things to the next level if they didn’t show me someone who already did it. That being said, as kids grow older and begin to explore interests in more formal settings, competition and comparisons will be inevitable regardless of whether these pressures come from home or society. I’m not really sure how to encourage them to deal with all of this in a healthy way.

I get your point, and there's no single answer. We cannot raise a child as an island, and society will always have an impact on them. We need not control every single interaction that our child has with others. They really are their own individuals. We need to let them take their path and trust that they have the inner guidance to face anything, but this is extremely hard to do. As for pursuing their interests, I do think this can be done in a healthy way. Just like walking, they watch and learn everything. As they grow, the learning is more subtle: more than school work I think they learn habits, attitudes, work ethic and resilience. They will surely have role models in whatever field they are interested in later on. But for every field I think these are common qualities. If they see us complaining all the time, it doesn't matter if they are in the best school, they will find a reason to complain. If they see us seeking solutions and being creative, they will inevitably apply those to anything they do. The key therefore is not to try and make children do something, but lead a meaningful life ourselves. Until they reach a certain age and find their own opportunities, we could explore together and show them the possibilities, then leave it to them to take it as far as they want, without losing the fun of learning. Sometimes their interest may wane and move on to something else and thats completely fine too. Parents tend to think kids will automatically slack if they don't put pressure, but I don't think thats true. We need to let kids take the lead when it comes to their learning. I totally believe this can be done, as I already see it in my toddler. We can use technology to do so much today that the possibilities are endless. I love books like "The Brave Learner" by Julie Bogart, "The awakened family" by Dr Shefali and "Unconditional parenting" by Alfie Kohn, in case you are interested in this alternate method of parenting and learning.

Thanks for the book recommendations! This is a topic that really interests me and I will definitely check them out!

Thank you for being so patient. You'll get through it, and in a couple of years they will be a source of strength to each other and to you. Hang in there.

And yes I have a request too... A video on talking. How to encourage them to talk more...

Will do. But the best way is to talk to them throughout the day, tell them about everything thats going on. I used to talk non stop when Vikrant was a baby, and now he talks non stop!

Glad it was helpful!

Thanks a lot!

Thank you so much, and congratulations on surviving the first year, it gets even more fun from now!

Good for you!

Thank you so much, I really wanted to share a different approach to parenting that resonated with me.

Thank you!

Haha thank you, I wish!

Haha thank you ;)

Yep, always!

Coming up soon, just filmed it!

I'm so glad it makes sense to you.

Mom's mental health is so important right, thank you for the suggestions.

:)

On the contrary, I think that because I'm calm most of the time, when I actually use a stern voice he immediately listens. Not that I intended it to be that way, but that's how it turned out for us.

:) :)

Me too

Haha, follow me on Instagram, lots of updates there with him!

@@Feelgoodmama kindly share your instagram link

@@k.p.shalinichowdary1823 fgmvidya