#11 : they burst into rage for nothing every time you want to sit down with them to discuss a problem in a constructive and respectful way. By doing this, they let you know that the relationship is going to follow THEIR rules and theirs only. They keep you submissive that way because next time you will be afraid of triggering their anger and having to deal with the abandonment and ghosting that follow the outburst. So you may keep quiet being under their control and they do whatever they want.
The DIL has done this several times. Cussed at her mother during a family event, angered her toddler to interupt and caused the three year old to start screaming. Thank you for your post, it brought extreme clarity to the situation that I need to be careful with. I see her intentions much clearer now.
That just happened to me. Not even a how do you do just started the text they sent me by totally ripping me. I had to block this person because anything I said was used against me. I couldn’t take it any longer. I blocked them from all contact. Then they sent their flying monkeys to berate me further. Again I had to cut all contact. I have to learn not to feel the guilt that they obviously wanted to provoke in me. I know I have to not allow any contact at all but it still hurts.
If you are in some sort of relationship, your best move is to leave and never come back. They will never get better, only worse. The person you thought they were is just a phantom. Like a hat to tease you with. It is not real and never was. Don't lament, you are not losing anyone, that person you fell for was an act. They can't be gone if they never existed in the first place.
The only defense is to have a strong sense of self, and to start believing in yourself, instead of letting some manipulative good-for-nothing define you.
“Look at your history with them as the best predictor of the future” 💯This really helped me let go of the fantasy she may change for the better. Thank you, Lise! You've been a great help
These are some seriously disturbed individuals. I can’t imagine being so dead & empty inside I need to manipulate & provoke everyone around me all the time. Most of my life I had no idea these personality disordered even existed. Cray cray... 🤪🤪🤪
Start viewing them as the enemy & don’t care about them at all. Just ignore them. Don’t engage in conversation. Stone wall them back which is actually grey rocking. Say, “nothing to concern you about”: if they get mad at you for “changing”. Just say, “this relationship never benefitted me. I’m focusing on me now”.
Everything you said about them playing the victim, guilt-tripping and calling the other person out as a narcissist and triangulating just to feel that they are a “good” person is so on point ✅
I just cringe when I hear this list and go "yep" at all of them without fail. I'm just so embarrassed at how I stayed for 7 years with an ex who did literally every single one of these tactics. Now all my friends ask me why and I just can't explain it, it was like a period of utter madness. Even my sweetest, most non-judgemental friends go "she was horrible" and it's like leaving a cult. She's now got a new partner and boy do I feel sorry for that guy.
Same for me it took me 6 years to recognize it was not just circumstances or life events.. She also cheated on me and I did not confirm it until after because of deflection and love bombing.. Good luck ..
I feel sorry for him too, chances are she was with him before the breakup. My ex had been with 41 partners........ Horrible creations designed to educate us , simply a lesson not a love
My boss was a master baiter....he would ask a question for the sole reason of counter punching me into the ground. So I figured that out pretty quick, and just started giving him a positive one word answer and then turn away and go back to what I was doing. Wow, what a reaction, he was physically staggered, and had no idea how to respond. It was great. No fuel, no supply, no control....I took it all away from him.
😂😂😂 take away the master baiter’s ability to stroke you with flattery, and watch his power to grip ✊🏼 you be smacked right out of his hand! 🖐️ It’s like your one word response says “DON’T TOUCH ME!!” without you having to say actually say it! Very nice 👍
my mother is queen of the guessing game. My parents divorced and she swears my father was a monster but wont tell me what he did that was so bad. She cut her parents out and didnt go to their funerals, and wont tell anyone what they did. Her sister reached out to me to ask if my mom would be open to meeting, my mom said “she did things i wont get into.” My poor mom, she just seems to attract people who do such horrible things she wont tell anyone what they are.
They may also threaten to discard you when they know you are under overwhelming pain. Esp when they know that they are your only source of support , to do that to you , when you need them the most , is so sadistic !
Lisa, four hours ago, thanks to this video, I terminated (and feel better about terminating) a relationship that I had allowed to continue for far too long. Thank you!
My ex wife did the "I'm fine" thing and comparison thing all the time when we were together. Listening to this video gave me a small panic attack because almost all of it hit so close to home. I'm so relieved that nightmare is over. I just wanted it to and every single day.
The Panic attack is real... Take care you can do better. Beware of weak moments do not keep onto centimental belongings or photos of you together.. its just time travelling. MOVE on. Delete, Block, Burn. Move on Goodbye. Its not fair on all the people you could be helping in life. Wasting all your life on these demons. I have narrowed it down.. And i sware my ex is a Preta... !
I recognize all these tactics as my wife uses them on me all the time. She was successful at first but now that I know the game I can just walk away and let her spew. Your videos have been a great source of information for me and a real help in coping with what I am faced with. If I knew then, what I know now it would have been run Forest run.
I’m sorry you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist. I did too and thought I could remain in the relationship and handle his bs. But it took its toll: my temper got worse, I changed who I was and didn’t feel free to be myself anymore, and after I left I realized I had ptsd, and a severe distrust of new relationships
@@cyndimoring9389 I feel for you. I have weathered the storm for 24 years and have become mostly immune to all the tactics. One way I have learned to get past the damage is to empathize for the misery that such a person lives with. I suspect that the worst part of the deal is on the narcissist's behalf as they deal with what makes them behave the way they do. These videos are a great help in understanding what is happening.
@@1roanstephen thanks for your sympathy but I feel for you not knowing what a loving relationship feels like. You may love her to pieces but you're not being loved by a mature person who really appreciates you. I was raised by one, in 2 relationships with narcs & never felt truly safe & loved.
@@cyndimoring9389 I have been truly loved before so I know what that is. I was fooled into this and, at my age, it no longer matters. I have learned to accept her condition and support her knowing that without this marriage she would not be able to survive as her condition makes employment very problematic. I am sorry you have had such a rough road.
Regrets are definitely a big thing, but not everything that leaves your life is a loss. As Lise said they hack the normal human bonding and attachment. Don't blame yourself, but definitely take your time to work on your issues that led you to a narcissistic partner. Your today and future self deserves it! 🙂 I'm going to therapy and learned so much about myself. I can warmly recommend it.
I just want to say I just left an incredibly toxic relationship with a BPD with narcissistic traits. It was a living hell! My life was absolute garbage for two years. They finally crossed one last boundary and I said enough! I can't thank you enough for your videos. They helped a lot in understanding what I was going through. I felt so much less alone thanks to you. Keep up the good work and I pray for anyone stuck in the place I was ❤
It's so hard to know what is the truth, and what may just be confirmation bias. But when I watch your videos, and reflect on how my last relatioship went down, SOOO many things just fall into place. Thank you for all you do, Lise.
By thinking, you cannot ever scape the prison of doubt,you have to leave the thought patterns you usually apply, and leave space for feeling, intuition and Insight..intuition is much wiser and reliable than thinking.
I break up with my narcissist girlfriend couple weeks ago. I got fed up with the manipulation, lies. The last day I've layed down with her I got a bit sleepy and took a little nap, she was very strange later, then I checked my internet history and saw that she checked all my social media. I got fed up and decided to get over that relationship.
I wanted to take a moment to comment and express my gratitude to Lise for creating such valuable content. Her insightful videos have undoubtedly played a significant role in educating and empowering her audience. Congratulations to Lise for reaching the milestone of 75,000 subscribers! It's clear that her expertise and dedication have resonated with many, and I look forward to continuing to learn from her valuable insights.I just had to take a moment to express my heartfelt appreciation for Lise and the incredible content she creates. Her videos are not only insightful, but they have truly made a profound impact on educating and empowering her audience. Lise, congratulations on reaching the incredible milestone of 75,000 subscribers! It's evident that your expertise and unwavering dedication have deeply resonated with so many. I am genuinely excited to continue learning from your invaluable insights and wisdom.
Unfortunately, I cannot comment on some RU-vid channels including yours probably due to regional restrictions. I want to congratulate in this reply for your new milestone, wishing you more success 🙌 In this 13 minutes video you got it all right, all of these things happened to me in the period of one year. The last point, is amazingly correct, most of their actions were impulsive and reckless unless when they've got the help of some laywers of the psychopath and policemen and enablers.
@@LiseLeblanc lise can you advice me please, i want to know if i should tell my sister that i believe her boyfriend is a covert narcissist, i have a very strong suspicious he is, and i believe they have just come out of the love bombing phase and he is starting to get toxic, the problem is her mood and confidence improved during that phase and my sister has a lot of problems with ocd and anxiety and low self esteem so i am concerned that it may not good to tell her as i dont know if it would devestate her, also am not 100percent certain he is a covert narcissist, what are your thoughts please
Mine always broke down with extreme emotional issues. Past traumas, he'd cry, he'd be all sorts of upset, practically fall at my feet begging for emotional help. I had to help him. It sucked me into a dark and awful relationship
Energy suck. My recent ex did this too/ without the crying, but always so “ overwhelmed “ and sulking, he knew my maternal and caring and empathetic gut reaction to try to help him would kick in, and he could then go into a silent treatment where he was probably grooming a new supply- while i thought he was just in a “dark place. “ all LIES and deception; they have no moral compass or integrity or authenticity or honesty, so RUN if someone uses your empathy to gain atttention or control or the right to exit “for awhile”…. They love breaking plans then seeing how you react . Sickened to learn that, too
@fooled_twice4668 I've recently learned this is the probably the most tell-tale sign of the covert, playing the victim to get what they need. Very manipulating. And yet, he always accused me of manipulating him when no bone in my body could ever do that
True. It’s a complex issue. And one inflated by the pseudo narcissism of social media. The answer lies within the intent to coerce for control rather than compassionate intervention. In addition it’s the frequency and coordination of control as the motivation of the act. Aspergers Syndrome, within which very controlled environments are a norm of self protection, looks like narcissism, but isn’t. Narcissism is a masking of severe inadequacy forming false superior grandiosity which is defended against all rational logical truths against it. When reasonable reasoning isn’t possible you can be fairly sure you’re dealing with a narcissist.
I'm fighting a charge in court because I took the bait. Her boyfriend was hitting my children. I brought it up calmly and respectfully, but over the course of the next few minutes, she manipulated me into yelling. The sad part is that it was the first time I'd ever been able to see her do that in real time, because I wasn't too close anymore to have perspective. The very fact that I could see her manipulative intent, but couldn't get the focus back to my children being hit really made me lose it, and I did. She craftily turned the entire situation around and not only helped me make myself look bad but completely made the violence towards my children go unheard or ignored. It was masterful. It's really impressive, and I learned so much from that experience. I learned I can never count on her putting anyone's interests ahead of hers, and I realized that I handle manipulation extremely poorly. Since then, I've gotten my custody increased, and no longer expect her to care about my children more than herself or her boyfriend. I just made sure I can compensate for her failings when raising my children. Accepting the reality that she doesn't care was the biggest step in healing I've ever taken.
For anyone else going through this situation…. Get someone else involved, (parents, friends, child protective services) take a step back and let them do the interacting with this person. You can explain how they trigger you and you don’t want anything to escalate.
@@Dansyoung this is exactly right, and what I should have done. I didn't like having to pay so much for communication assistance, but the alternative is a lifetime of strife and resentment, which kills the soul of parent and child alike. I pressed on and left her no option but to hire a parenting consultant to keep everyone accountable. It's wild how, once that happened, it became clear that I'm the one who has truth on my side. I suffer greatly from cognitive dissonance pertaining to my own worth and reality (symptom of being abused emotionally as a young teen), and the cathartic release of being recognized truthfully was astounding to me.
Scott, you are really going to have to teach your children about things emotionally opposite to narc. I've been through this and the probability of at least one of your children becoming narc is real. So, never cover for them when mother breaks promises. Just keep your own and force them to keep theirs, but dont fix moms lies, because they will be blind. Sorry but just make them accountable for themselves with mom.
Like mom promises to take them to a particular movie. Dont do it. Just ask, " do you tell lies, break promises? That's it. When she promises xmas gifts, dont buy them. Ask do you keep your promises? Why do we keep promises. Feels good, makes us be respected, have value. So ignore what mom does to them. Its wont help your kids at all. Just keep on them about values and consequences but DO NOT fix what consequence mom put on your kids. I made this huge mistake, and when of age, they run to narc, because I tried to protect them from it, so they didnt see, enough.
my wife has accused me of being a narc - but having now followed you and researching the methods - i am finally understanding what covert narcs are and have asked my therapist to let me know when or where i might be using these - turns out chances are i am not the narc.. she is. But we are now splitting - the last year without contact has been very healing. Thanks
Yes nowadays we have the internet too learn about them, do u think narcissists don’t do internet that’s their new one you’re the narc and they are the empath 😅 brilliant con artist and sons and daughters off satan 😂
If you listen carefully, all of their Projections actually tell you what THEY are doing. They aren't very clever, to be fair, they just think they are.
My wife's narcissism started way back to her grandma who spoiled my mother-in-law. The grandma would badmouth my mother-in-law's father so much she hated her own father. My mother-in-law has openly admitted to being able to manipulate people. She does it through hints or degrading your ego trying to make you feel that you have to jump through hoops to help her. She has my wife wrapped around her finger. My mother-in-law was so jealous of my wife's relationship with her dad that her mom sewed little seeds of distrust of him when she was young by telling her that he had molested prior children of theirs or ones he had in a past relationship but none of that has ever been corroborated. When I first met my wife she told me that her father molested her despite the evidence of what she described did not make sense at all. I had no idea what narcissism was when I met her when I was 18. 20+ years later, my wife has been telling blatant lies to me and cannot be held accountable in other areas. She won't go out of her way to do something unless she gains something from it. When I address these issues she tries to provoke me to anger. I finally realized what she was doing after 20 years of marriage and with my research about these things I believe she is a covert narcissist. I asked her if I she wanted to speak to one of our elders at church to counsel us on our marriage and she did but she went to him privately telling him all sorts of malicious lies. Yet, she looks like the perfect Christian wife to everyone else. Upon meeting with him he has been on a crusade to counsel me out of my "abusive" behavior and has put me on the defensive. I have sent e-mails and pictures to him giving proof that she has been lying and he has disregarded them. When I have pointed out her lies while meeting with him he has gaslighted me and told me that I don't give enough grace. I told him I'm not meeting with him anymore and he literally did not understand why and told me he would let the other elders know as if I'm supposed to be afraid of that. In the meantime, one of my daughters has been pulling away from me and I know it's because my wife is mischaracterizing me--the same thing her mom did to her and her mom's mom did to her. I don't know where to turn.
Funny… my narc mother showed up at my house unannounced with her flying monkey sister and after I told her to leave for the second time, she said “I hope you get help”. I didn’t take the bait and went permanent & total no contact after that. Number is completely blocked. If you have an iPhone and block someone’s number it doesn’t block completely. They’re still able to leave voicemails and it goes to a blocked number folder. Block their number through your carrier!
My partner pushes my buttons and then when I blow up he says “you’re cranky all the time. You need to go talk to a therapist”. Well, used to because I no longer blow up. I no longer care. Zero effs given. I know the game. I’m working on a plan to get out so I stay focused on that.
Thank you for this information. I am a "Highly Sensitive Person" married to a woman who seems very much a narcissist based on my experience and this information. I was traumatized in my first marriage by a woman with BPD/Bi-polar II...so feeling very distraught that I am in another toxic marriage. Surviving feels like a full time job
You need to go through the dark KNIGHT of the soul, to learn why Narcs are attracted to you in the first place? Why us? The answer is deep within, but transfers to every relationship in your life. Boundries and the lack of, is the answer. People wipe their boots on us, until we grow a pair. Narcs see us like magnets. We are people pleasing but most often not reciprocal in any relationship on a respected emotional level. So look deep, ask Divine questions, only one at a time. Boundries will gain self confidence and respect. Others will either stay away, or not even try to over step in the first place. ❤❤❤
@kimberleyjane2338 Thanks for your comment. In spite of some positive improvements in my marriage I think she may just be "love-bombing". I am very confused and still looking for an exit ...very sad. I am praying for Divine guidance and wisdom.
@@hutch2 💥💥 IF" in fact you are with narc, YOU MUST do your transformation in secret. DO NOT change with with, but inside yourself. When you leave, you will be much stronger than they ever imagined. I have done this this full last year. Dont even tell them what they did wrong to you, no fighting, nothing. Now finalities are here, I'm blowing peoples socks off in the most calm and prepared manner. Scary but exciting. ♥️
My ex narc way of baiting her victims is to ask them if they can do some DIY for her .. after speaking to a few of her exes I learned that all of us were drawn in the same way . We were all also disguarded the same way
Yeah I got that too. She has a playbook and I have seen it worked on me and a little exposure to others after me. They hone their craft and fall back to actions that get them what they want.
It’s one of the best checking list I read or heard for a long time. The spectrum of people like this is wide….however if you check more 80% of these questions ….you are probably in a toxic relationship. I am for years and it is not easy to realize that ….you hope for the best however it will only be hope in the end. Again thank you thank you….this podcast was spot on❤
I’m grateful that you make the content you do. The last 6 months I’ve been working through what happened to cause my marriage to fail and to get to the extremely unhealthy point it did before walking away. Your insights (along with those of Dr. Ramani), have really helped me put together some pieces of the puzzle. By no means was I perfect in the relationship, I own that, but it’s disturbing how consistently you describe what it feels like I went through.
I think Lise has a gift; a special ability to connect with her listeners. It’s the information that ‘hits the nail on the head’ so to speak, and given with such empathy I think. It’s difficult not to transfer feelings towards Lise after a broken relationship with someone who showed narcissistic tendencies. Anyway somehow, I have to take Lise’s advice and ‘stop researching’.
Wow, fantastic description! I was involved with a typical narcissist 4 years ago, knew something was very off but didn't understand it at all. He walked off with a new person after a few months, leaving me devastated. I grieved for months and even years trying to understand what happened and was terribly shaken by the experience. After about 4 years he sent a one line message saying he'd like to get together - very brief with no explanation. Thinking it might offer closure I finally said I would meet him. And guess what? He waited till the last minute (3 times) and then cancelled or didn't show up - once saying he was tired, dirty, had eaten and was going to bed! Case in point. That didn't take long! It's been months and years of education on this, a lesson I'll never forget!
Reaching 7 months of no contact. A big challenge is not marinating in negative emotions and thinking. Anger, resentment and a desire for revenge are only boomerangs that keep you captive within the influential sphere of the abuser. Reading the comments in this video and others like it helps to pop those negative bubbles. To all of you no matter where you are at in your struggle. Stay strong. Protect your Peace 🕊️.
there is a pattern of behaviour I've observed that I call "burn and run". it's where a person comes along saying something very inflammatory, apparently to provoke you. then when you turn and say "wait a second, what you said isn't right" or show any emotion about it, the person will say "I can't talk about that now, I'm busy doing other things." it's a way to get attention and significance, obviously at the expense of others when you do notice patterns like this, they start to have less power over you
Mine did too all the time. I described it as dropping a bomb and then fleeing. She'd provoke me with something horrible and then either leave the house physically or lock herself in a room to prevent me from being able to defend myself or find some resolution for whatever it is she created. It was so childish and sinister. They are master provocateurs and often find pleasure and power in it. Twisted.
12 hours after you sent a text they almost certainly saw because they never put down their phone. You check your phone through out the day waiting for them to reply. You tell yourself they are just really busy. It's 1am and you're dead tired about to got to sleep. She finally texts you, "We don't talk anymore. Makes me sad." What!!?? Boggles the mind.
When u are adult u can notice those behaviours and walk on but worse is if u are growing in this as a child! my parents were total nitpickers with me always frustrated and angry at me no matter what.. thats truly confusing and a true horror story for a child to go through over top as child truly try to love and trust their parents!! I ended contact with them after many years of abuse and now i am totaly on my own. Its very sad and painful for me but better then taking their shits!
Maybe a better way of putting it, is, that they sense what they are doing to you (and therefore conscious of the fact) knowing what this achieves, but they don’t know how they are doing it (not sitting down and figuring out the stratagems, knowing why they work). It’s a sort of sub-conscious, immature state of asserting power and dominance over the other - obtained unfairly, undeservedly, and destructively rather than on an equal footing as mature adults. In that way people walk away feel demeaned, diminished and undermined, without knowing why, other than an uneasy suspicion something went down and they got emotionally mugged and taken down.
I was baiting into exploding yesterday and I feel like puking. I hate myself for being so weak and I'm not proud of it at all. She kept pushing my boundaries. My mom was abusive and I kept her from jail when I was a young boy, by lying to protect her. The boundary is that she isn't allowed to comfort me. Because her touch doesn't comfort me, it hurts me. She will feign concern, and has my whole life about my problems, only to sting me when I open up about them. She always provokes me into thus. I know I'm responsible for my behavior but she does this with years of abusive history with me and my siblings. I feel like such a moral failure every time this happens. I want to puke. Now the issue is my anger, not the disrespect she showed me. I also want to add that I calmly deflected ad asserted myself multiple times before blowing up. It isn't my go to reaction.
You nailed it. The abuse was really painful. The big change for me was to stop wondering why someone could be like that, and begin asking myself why I let it go on for such a long time. After that, it never happened again with anyone else.
@@LiseLeblanc thank you, Lise. It really wasn’t as easy getting there as my 4 sentences might have made it look. But realizing my role in that long, strange trip was like something you can’t unsee. Narcissists and BPD are experts at manipulating the good intentions of others. My advice to those caught up in that mess is to ask yourself, “Is this the life I want to live?” and with that answer in mind, “What do I want to happen next?”
Hey Lise, can you make a positive video about what it's like to live without narcissistic people in your world and what it's like to experience real love? Or something to reduce the becoming overly suspicious / cynicism we develop after relationships with narcissists?
Agree!! That's EXACTLY the point where we're going to get stuck!! How to successfully move into a healthy relationship and not be so weary, but also....how to accept that the lack of extreme highs is OK
✨The resistance one comes up against in life from others is squarely to reveal that within you which is not in alignment with your own greater self: aka; your hot-buttons (your dirty laundry/emotional baggage/Shadow aspects etc). This is an opportunity to dig deeper and do some healing so you are no longer dependent on things outside you (disempowered) to 'make you feel fulfilled'. In other words, the 'goal' is to prompt you to _Value, Love and Validate yourself,_ and define your boundary lines of who and how you prefer to be in your life. 👉The biggest Lies about 'needs' come from the 3D 1900's world of Maslow and Rogers - it's about Human needs of 'needing' love and 'needing' to be valued and validated (infant development notwithstanding). All the work we are to do is Let Go of learned beliefs that we are NOT Loved and NOT Valued. Maslow's model worked fine 50 years ago to help get us here, but they are far outdated now - at least for those awakening in the 2000's. Even Tony Robbins did an update: "6 human needs" Ppl who have been 'made to feel' unloved or unvalued are simply carrying the learned belief of such, and have attracted the narc or another to press that button and show them not only the blind-lie they are guarding, but to demonstrate that the narc's 'victim mentality' is but a mirror of your own - that 's, until you clear those limiting beliefs. ✊When you do so you will have broken the 'spell' of disempowered neediness, the associated negative feelings will vanish, and you will _know that you ARE loved and ARE valued_ without 'needing' to depend on _Anyone;_ but rather just because you exist. You are complete and function perfectly. Find what within you dims your light. Attend to the oil system (beliefs) of the machine ; the 'low oil light' (feeling devalued) is not the problem. Love is who you are. Start kindly with yourself. Be the change. Shine your light🙏
Just ended my relationship with my diagnosed BPD girlfriend. (I may add this is the second time.) it’s funny because after the first time I came and saw these videos and seemed to have gotten the fact that she in fact did a lot of these things. 4 months post breakup after no contact she wants to talk things out. And I fell for the trap . It’s dangerously sneaky and subtle you won’t even notice it. For anyone reading this, please save yourself the mental stress and grief by NOT giving the BPD/narcissist a second chance ESPECIALLY if they are not treated or refuse to do anything about their condition. My curious mind wanted to see how it would play out and give her the benefit of the doubt but the mask will always slip.
Married a bpd diag lawyer. Hard to tell where the trainning ends and pathology begins. The alters were just too much. Father in law just punched his own ticket. Mother in law was the same way.
This was exactly what I went through. All 10. It was constant, never-ending, and energy sapping. I wish I saw this a year ago when i became entangled with my now ex. You have helped me so much with your videos. Thank you so so much ❤
The information provided is so compelling I have been manipulated by a narcissistic partner for over 30 years all the while being told it is me that is the problem
It becomes clearly more complicated when we come to understand trough self reflection that all of us have similar narcissistic trades deep inside and consequently feel guilty Bout that This make it so much harder to stand up to the narcissist
Thanks for this video. I agree with all but one. Narcs know what they are doing, they might not be having a notebook but they are aware and that is why they can hide these baits from other people. Why don't they do it to everyone?
As Sam vaknin would say: narcs hurt their “nearest and dearest “ most. Partially because we put up with it. And it’s a test to see how loyal we will be. And also because it’s all part of their need to control all situations. And they feed off watching our reactions to their shenanigans. Key point to realize, so your Goal should be NOT to react, and to leave the relationship with no further contact, if possible. Why expose your one and only body mind and life experience to this toxic person?! Makes us learn to be more self-protective, because the nArc will only hurt us, never protect us or ever truly care about our welfare. Sad life lesson i have learned a few time’s unfortunate ly.
Yikes! This is pretty scaring that I was duped and fell for everything you just explained. In the end I was discarded. He came back later ( 3 wks. or so) and wanted to know if we could still be friends. I had read about going "Grey Rock" in my search for healing. I told him I didn't think so. His mood changed totally at that reply. He got real mean and started yelling at me, saying that I, was just jealous he traded me for a younger, better, model. I was like... Huh? Who says that to someone? What a weirdo. I just gave him a closed mouth smile, said " Hmmm." and turned and walked away. He was screaming obscenities of how I was a washed up, bitter, old lady.(I was a few yrs. older than him). I kept walking away and never looked back. I lived 18 yrs. of a joke of a marriage. Our divorce was a tele one with a judge because he had left threat msg.'s on my phone. I ended up with nothing but I didn't care. I had about 2 months of crying and depression before I sought counceling. It's been a tough journey healing, but I'm free, from the lies, gaslighting, being made to believe I wasn't worth dirt. It was one of the hardest lessons I've been through. And that was learning what a real Narcissist is. ( I can safely say he is one because my doc. said I'm trama bonded. I feel sad for everyone of you going through it. I thought I was seriously going to die from a broken heart. I couldn't understand why God would let it happen to me. I was bending over backwards to please someone that never ever truly Loved me. I feel rather stupid about it. Be Safe, be strong. 🌹
My ex narcissist would drop a bomb on me & then wouldn't tell me anything about it. So they'd tell me something horrible happened and because of that horrible thing that happened, they can't function and don't feel up to talking or hanging out. But whenever I'd ask what happened, they told me they were too upset to talk about it and I'd never find out what happened.
Classic. So classic now to know, and i remember falling for it once. But now that i know, when i find someone telling me part of a story and trying to elicit my curiosity, i figure them out and know they are selfish and attention seeking. A normal person would lead with the details, not always just elude to them. Classic!
I so enjoy listening to your videos, as it reminds me of all the head-games and petty criticism I finally escaped from. It keeps it all fresh in my mind (to watch out for) when interacting with people, moving forward. What an exhausting way to live!! If they only put an ounce of the effort that it takes…to pull all of this deception off…and (instead), do some work on themselves…attempting to stop this constant psychological charade, and see what living life as an authentic, up-front, honest person might feel like. Truly exasperating. They are their own worst enemies. Thank you for the lessons! Keep ‘‘em coming!
Knock, knock Who’s there? Narcissist. Narcissist who? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Narcissist whoovered. 😃👍 (That’s a practical demonstration of another way they do it. They get your attention to Hoover you, but then they leave you hanging, in order to ghost you, and in order to get fuel out of you at your expense, and they laugh inside at your frustration. Pesky critters those narcs, but we’re onto them, thx Lisa for the heads up😃👍)
Ha. This is what my one is doing after a week's silent treatment. (I'm onto her though, flags from the start, sex and love bombing mainly but other things too. I was withholding judgment but it's fully evident now). She started hoovering today, I thought I'd see how she would play it so I went with it, after a short while she went quiet again. So I told her 'maybe we should break up, I'm obviously not making her happy'. I used her victim card back at her and also showed I wasn't afraid to break up, and guess what, she switched to how much she missed me and how happy I make her in an instant. If I wasn't aware of what she was doing I would have been an anxious wreck trying to win her over, but instead playing into her hands. I had a prior experience with another Narc a few years ago where I ended up self harming and that opened my eyes to these people.
@@Backfromthestorm Yep, it’s great how people are becoming more aware of narcs, and it’s great how people are exposing their dirty little manipulative tactics so we can watch the vids like this one and learn how not be baited. I wonder how many people have committed suicide because of Narcs The more their evil tactics are exposed, the better.
@@bvon5630 millions. The worst thing about it is the self doubt and questioning yourself. Asking yourself maybe I'm the problem. I went into this with my eyes open but it was still a shock, thankfully after the devaluation and silent treatment I was ready and waiting. The complete switch up when I reverse uno'd her was the confirmation I needed to be 100% that what she's saying and doing isn't authentic. I just know that if I met her a few years ago I would have fallen for the bait and be an absolute wreck
definitely easier said than done. Been through most of these at different times in my life. The damage that one sifts through over the years is a shame. Wish there was more info out about 40 years ago. Thank you for posting. Very informative
Thank you Lise, I was recently in a relationship which was everything as you have described dealing with either a npd or bpd. The scenario played out exactly as you had said. I watched your other video about Their phrases they use and you were spot on. Had me up and down like on a rollercoaster., all within six months. Hilarious. Thank you for your help in confirmation of me not being crazy. Stupid but not crazy. Happy thanksgiving from Cape Breton Canada.
They know how you think and they prey on your guilt, they KNOW what you wish you could have done differently and make you feel like it's all your fault, just so you'll come back every time
Lise you are the absolute best, really helping me and others going through this, my ex does and did all 10 baiting techniques you mentioned.. plus more, its shocking, as i have only recently discovered about Narcissists. had no idea my ex was like this just thought she was hard work, always arguing, picking fights, saying nasty things to get me worked up.... NOW i have woken up thanks to these videos wow....💯❤
@@talbenavraham1478 I've done it. Legal law is contractual, so dissolved all contracts, and have nothing to do with the state. I take nothing from them, they get nothing from me. All perfectly possible and permissible,, but takes a fair bit of law comprehension. I became so tired and sick of everything, it was just too much. So far, so good. They've made liability attempts, but nothing has worked out for them. It reached a point whereby I absolutely had enough of the narcissistic behaviour from people, made the conclusion that nobody whatsoever has the right to abuse me, irrespective of who they are/think they are. Now that's what I call 'No contact '. If they insist on taking up my time, they have to pay for it. The county court is my friend.
@@simionesentheogens3687 organised religion can certainly be problematic. The mesopotamian clay tablets seem to fill in some blanks, but have to say that from my conclusion, the bible is a reasonably accurate historical document.
I am on you tube for years , nobody understood the problem like you. Thank you for all your videos ! opening our eyes., and brain... Thank you, you are the Best !
Thank you lise! If I had seen this video 3 years ago I would not have a permanent disability from e-coli (The person put something I won't name in my food although I didnt find out for some time .also, they didn't think it would cause permanent harm)if I had known what was happening at the time it would have prevented enormous amounts of stress and complete financial ruin As a result ofa 1 year primary recovery period and it would have again saved me from losing a good job as the result of a malicious liar 6 months ago. I'm doing well now and what brought me to your channel was trying to understand women in general, what happened and if and where I went wrong. This video answers most of the questions I had.
Wow you’ve been through so much… I’m really happy to hear that you’re doing well now and that my videos helped answer some of your questions. I wish you all the best in your recovery!
@@LiseLeblanc I really don't feel sorry for myself 🙂 what is done is done and I can't change it. I for years tried to understand exactly what happened and where I went wrong and what I had done to make her want to do something like that to me. I cut all communication a few weeks after I was disabled, but I haven't been able to move on because I didn't have the answers I needed. I saw this video, and you described what happened to me so very well. I was never a person to respond to demands or stupid games. However, a civil request does work well if someone wants or needs something from me. I do not have many friends as I've always been known to be a extreme introvert and I just feel very uncomfortable around people I don't know well. Anyhow, I was looking on the internet and you tube for other people who had similar experiences and came across this video and it really was amazing so I watched it and several others. About a year ago I got mixed up with a distant in-law relative who loves drama and has an insatiable appetite for attention who started accusing me of all kinds of things that ranged from laughable to absolutely awful (she wasn't accusing me of abuse or assault but I won't go into details) and I lost a good job as a result. I simply couldn't handle the drama and bs that was going on, so I moved to a far away state near some relatives to try to start over, but as embarrassing as it is to admit, that nearly broke me! I had my dearest relatives and friends (with 1 exception) throw me under the bus without a question and apparently without a second thought. to me, that was more bitter than d3ath! The medical condition I have as a result of the first part of this story is something I will deal with the rest of my life. Anyhow, when I'm dealing with a lot of stress it exacerbates my medical condition and I will bleed internally as a result. I nearly bled to death several times as a direct result of it all. That brings me to a few weeks ago; I came across this video and watched it out of curiosity although I didn't know what a narcissist was at the time and had seldom heard the word previously. I had many of my questions answered in this one and then I went on to watch several other ones. I watched one about BPD which describes the lady to the letter and then one called "the narcissist detox" or something like that. That answered the rest of them! I am very thankful for your work for it has helped me overcome all of that and feel like I can get over it, recover, and carry on. For me, to understand is to forgive. However, that doesn't mean I can overlook what she did But I can go forward and not make the same mistakes. The funny thing with her is after I had been gone for 5 months (before I saw your videos) I happened to have my virtual phone with my old phone number that she had turned on and she called a few times. I ignored the calls and she left no messages. Back when the 💩 hit the fan, I decided I'd go strictly no contact with her and had taken the precaution of telling my family members who hadn't turned on me to never attempt to communicate with me on her behalf or I'd go no contact with them too. I called my brother and again requested that if she called to not give her any info about me and certainly not giver my new phone number. He told me that she had called a few weeks previously and he just told her straight out that he wouldn't get involved. It turns out that she wanted to go forward and pretend that nothing had happened and wanted her roll of toilet paper back 🙃 (aka: me) I just sent her an email telling her as politely as I knew how that I can't overlook what she did and pretend that it didn't happen and for her to never attempt to contact me again and blocked her. (I didn't tell her that when I moved away so it was possibly not obvious to her.) It evidently drove her nuts that I just walked away and never looked back. anyhow, I'm moving forward on a new business venture where I've moved to and feel encouraged at the prospects. I'm 28yo now and feel like I have a bright future ahead. 🙂 thank you again for your work and efforts to help people like me.
Miss lisa you have changed my life i was in a toxic relationship with anarchistic woman and i could not understand what going on i was traumatized and energy less.for sure you are my savior
My exs favourite way to start a fight was question my tone!!! She couldn't attack me for what I said so she would say "why are you talking like that"!! I thought there was something wrong with me.
Mine did that I learnt not to trigger her with my words so it became the look in my eye and the implied meaning of what I was saying Can’t win don’t try
@@JohnSmith-wo7ns mine was able to gaslight me for a whole but it never really worked as I’m 45 and been around normal people too much ! Glad ur healing 🙏💓
Yep my mom use to read vogue magazines infront of me as a skinny insecure kid abd repeatdly point out how gorgeous the women were. As a kid she once told me i was pretty in a different way. She would laugh as i walked on the driveway as i was skinny. I clearly see all the games and manipulation now.
You explained my ex of almost 40 years relationship to a tee. I saw this video twice. You could've posted a picture of her and the video would've been perfect.
I still love these videos and they always hit me right in the fut where they need too. It's so weird that someone would want to control another person, which is not the way I'm built. I mean I wouldn't feel good knowing I was doing that to someone.
I thoroughly enjoy all of Lise Leblanc's presentations. She is easy to listen to, presents clearly, and is very informative. Her material has been very helpful to me.
I thought of one more that happened to me recently, that's in the baiting category. Some will bait you into thinking a breakup can be worked out, then they get their supply, and ghost you. Ghosting is a very strong power grab or "last word without a word"...they might even let you know that after just one text message, they will block you. I think it makes them feel better to throw someone away that they have emotionally abused for a while when they realize the other is catching on to their game.
My narc mom likes to ask if I'm visiting my dad. She's a petty, jealous, insecure woman and uses it as a way to accuse me of being "brainwashed" and make snide remarks ("if you like the guy..."). I do not respond.
I listen to many many psychologists on these topics. I think you are the best of all I have seen because you are (1) Very logical. You just don't say things. You give examples (they are so terrifying true) and (2) You interconnect things, as in connect the dots. Like you did with BPD and NPD (3) You choose a soothing voice and speak with almost no drama but a lot of emphasis where needed (4) It feels like you truly care (5) You are helping men and I am a man, so that is super focused. I thank you for all that you have given. I truly appreciate your help and all the goddesses and gods bless you.
Lise you are awesome. You are a very good and concise communicator. A very good teacher. I really appreciate and feel the care that you have in the way you try to help us understand the dynamics of narcissistic behavior and or personality disorders. Thank you so much. Very helpful.
Congratulations, on 75,000....Subscribers.... Your work has taken me from the edge of insanity to a world that I can understand the pain inflicted by my Narc... She categorically fits every facet 4:12 described in your videos, as if you were standing right behind me to witness her torment.... Words cannot describe how much I appreciate your help.... Best regards RL
What I've learned is that as everyone is learning more and more manipulation tactics it's not all subconscious like u said in the video. They pick up some sub concious behaviors from child hood of the parent. Then they pick up others from friends, others from tv, then they may google, watch videos or back in the day read books to gain more. So it's a mixture of both nd the hardest part is u don't know Wich ones are concious and Wich ones are habbit sub concious. But either way don't desk with them regardless if it's auto pilot or manual pilot. U should never get to the point where u even have to ask that. If u do there's something wrong with you.
actually you're literally speaking about my ex and she told me that she just sits look at the ceiling and plan what she's going to do and that she destroyed whole families before I've been in her loop for years without realizing it was her even though our relationship ended in 2020 her tactics are still in motion she made me cave in get away from the town that i work at get away from my field which is also her's and whenever i go to psychiatrist here in Egypt they act Hostile towards me
