I was with my last Chinese girlfriend for over three years. Despite her being from a poor family and not even having the chance to attend high school, I didn't mind that. She couldn't speak English, so I had to improve my Chinese. I still enjoyed being with her and we had a fun and passionate relationship. What happened? Long story short: daily life in China isn't easy, especially for foreigners. A variety of reasons made me want to live in Japan, so I asked her to marry me and move. She agreed but on a couple of conditions, which her sisters and parents basically set: 1) pay for a nice wedding, photos, dinner, gifts for attendees, which would run about $20,000 in total. 2) give her parents a dowry of $15,000. 3) buy an apartment in her hometown so she would have a "backup plan" or safety net, so to speak, if things didn't work out between us in Japan. Such an apartment or house alone would've cost $150,000 easy. At the time, I'd saved up $20,000 in total and was making good money as a private tutor for a celebrity in Beijing. Still, foreigners can't get loans so how on earth was I supposed to come up with all that? It's madness to ask for it, much less expect or demand it. Essentially, they wanted me to spend approximately $200,000 straight out of pocket just to get her family's consent for marriage. In China, if a Chinese man wants to marry into a family like this, then his entire family will have to work together and combine their money to pay for it all. It's common for such things to happen, just as they have to pool money in order to buy an apartment for their son and future daughter in law, where the groom's parents will also commonly live. It's all too ridiculous.
Now I realize that commercial where the man had to impress his girlfriend's father with, resume, credentials, land titles, diplomas, credit cards and car keys was not fictional.
In the West there is no "dowry." It's about who pays for the wedding. My husband will be paying for our daughter's wedding. However, this is not the norm! Often, the wedding is a joint venture with both families contributing money. The word "dowry" is very uncommon in the US. I've only read it in books and online.
@@fujisan-zu4nd I can only speak for Germany, but over here it's symbolic. It's normal to gift some silverware, I'd estimate a couple hundred euros at max. The weddings themselves are expensive of course, but most families keep them small and affordable. Especially in today's economy. Rich people may give huge gifts, maybe they don't. Who cares in the end, they're entirely disconnected from the rest of humanity
This is how my ex-fiancee and her family treat me, they were asking 60K USD for dowry and a house all under their daughter name. So, I break it off. Now happily married with my current wife, her family also ask for 30K USD dowry, but they return those money back to me after the wedding and say that this money should be the fund to start a new life together with their daughter.. Glad I dodge that bullet. (I'm half Thai-Chinese)
@@opalfishsparklequasar8663Saying “current wife” is a translation issue from Chinese to English. There’s grammatical errors throughout everything he wrote that the sentence structures are odd. Though that’s the thing you focus on, but didn’t it may have been a language issue?
Some traditions are worth keeping, a lot of my neighbors are Chinese and they are all well above the local income levels. They have 3-4 generations under one roof but they live in mansions. They are all highly educated, exceptionally good at making money, respectful, mind there own business and if you are a friend very giving. Cash is king and family is everything!
I agreed to a bride price. I said I would absolutely pay the 400,000 rmb her parent were demanding if they followed the actual tradition that the bride price is for. She would belong to my family, wouldn't support her parents in old age, would immediately move overseas to live and not return. That bride price got reduced down to 0 real quick.
If you think about this. Both the women and the men are being objectified. The women are being bought with a bride price and the men are being expected to pay up large sums of money just to have a wife and children.
@@Feathertail2205A transaction usually set up by the parents. And they wonder why birth rate is so low amidst the long long working hours, economical downturn, and being set a price for love.
It is disgusting. I would never ask my partner for a dowry nor I would never give anyone any dowry too. I think of marriage as a union of love, not business partnerships.
I understand the base is love, but it's also business. On the west women look for a man superior to them in every aspect. So the bride won't give up for no reason on the marriage later, I would think a dowry could be asked. I could even ask it myself if I'm not sure on the bride because of her mother inflience for example.
marriage is business especially since you are giving away your daughter. they have spent money to raise this child and to see her get married the parents have to get some type of compensation for their hard work (i guess).
@@prestowit’s depends of the family point of view, I’m from the west and I married a Chinese, when my in laws offer the money I said No, and my parents almost got offended about it, is not a business or true love thing, is a family/culture thing.
This actually happened a lot in China, there're so many men and not enough woman, so a lot of families (not all) that have a girl would demand an unrealistic amount of money, if the man can't afford it, then ready to say bye bye. I once heard a story about a girl, she's already sat in the wedding car, suddenly one of her friends suggest: "let's raise your price, you worth more than that", so the girl listened, she refuses to leave the car until the man bring enough money to her. In the end, of course the wedding is destroyed, she begs the man:" don't you love me? just a few hundred thousand, can't you afford it?". Luckily the man left this relationship and move on.
Two things: 1.) Once the bride's family shows a Western man that they live in medieval times, that guy is out of there unless they're stupid or desperate. 2.) Besides the money, let's be real here: Chinese culture does not prioritize kids developing social skills before adulthood. So you end up with: a.) Awkward adults who need alcohol to feel comfortable in social interactions. b.) Grown ass adults who act like immature middle schoolers on dates. c.) Men who think money and objects make people like them and women who apparently think of themselves as objects to be purchased. These are not people who know how to act in relationships, and to top it off, they kill their chances by approaching a relationship solely from a monetary standpoint, with little ability to communicate well or read the room. // "That can be said for many cultures. Not just Chinese" This is rather like when a man responds to valid critique of men by saying, "Not all men." Which always makes them come off like a fragile snowflake who can't handle the topic because it's too close to home.
Just gona put it out there not all Chinese are like that. For me, we won't have dowry so to speak, n we wanted to save cost as much as we can. - Singapore Chinese
// "Just gona put it out there not all Chinese are like that." I mean, people would know that from the video. But yes, all Chinese people are not a monolith. There are differences. But the overall culture is definitely not supportive of kids in Asia developing social skills, at least not in countries where kids are basically studying 14+ hours a day with no personal time, under pressure to prepare for various entrance exams.
@@FeebleAntelope tbh, i think young adults maybe some are brought up to be independent and dating wasn't their priority, until peer pressure came in. I think young adults are smart and very sociable, maybe some are awkward but i don't see it as an obstacle for their marriage. I think based on the vid, the couple should focus on saving money and towards building a family(same goals) rather than tear each other down for surface level things.
My wife and I are both Chinese. When we got married, my mother proposed giving her family a dowry but was rejected, saying they're not selling a daughter. Finally my mother forced the dowry onto my wife's hands, asked her to pass on to her parent, only to be returned to my mother's hands by her parent through her. Her family is not at all wealthy, but never asked for a dime from either my parents or from her/me. Not only that, they also gifted her cash at the time of the wedding, and gifted her cash when she flew from US to visit. Not all Chinese are the same.
You need to be careful though. My in laws were the same, but we got into massive trouble, as they're supposed to reluctantly accept after rejecting x amount of times, so my entire family got branded as cheap and both sides lost face as a result. We ended up moving across states as a result to escape the fallout. Yes, it was that bad. There's a lot of false humility involved. Even before offering the bride price, you're supposed to fish for an indication from their friends, offer something for them to reject and act like they're not selling their daughter, then formally meet and force the expected sum into their hands. Then the other friends will check how much they received by them showing their bank statements during yum cha and complaining how they kept rejecting but the money was forced into their hands. That followed by saying their future son in law is over educated, and is an executive at x company, and he doesn't need to be that much of a big shot, just a simple job will do. Then everyone will get to keep face, and the parents of the bride will not get mocked. Its toxic af.
🙌 happily married since last September. Same thing happened to us. Her parents say there is no need for dowry from my parents. If they insist then just give it to us to help start our new chapter in life. But to be fair, she came from a wealthy family, i came from a normal middle class.
as a chinese in australia i have personally experienced this same bs.... when i got engaged with my gf... and we started planning her mother keep upping the dowry demands in order to marry her daughter... we had agreed 100k AUD, a new home and i cover all wedding cost and still the mother was not happy. she demanded $50k dowry for herself on top of everything that was agreed. in the end i walked away from that wedding. Didnt want a bar of it. its toxic ASF
Many Chinese women are getting out just to get out of that society. Chinese men are typically raised as entitled brats, which isn't very appealing. I almost got into a few fights in my time over there, meeting so many completely selfish narcissistic buttholes.
As a half-Chinese, half-Irish living in China, I often encounter discrimination that highlights my outsider status. Moving back to China as a teenager, I hoped to connect with my roots, but it’s been a struggle. Despite being fluent in Mandarin and embracing the culture, I’m still seen as an outsider-perhaps because of my looks and my heterochromia eyes. Many times, I receive compliments about my appearance, especially in Europe, America, and South Asia. However, in China, these comments often feel more like taunts, marking me as different-a "foreigner." If you’re not Han Chinese, life can be particularly challenging in China, especially for immigrants with diverse backgrounds and (looks) these people are crazy after them. Even with my half-Chinese roots, I still feel like an outsider. I’ve met many "foreigners" here-Koreans, Japanese, Americans, Europeans, Russians, and Indians-and it’s striking how most of us often faced discrimination. In most cases maybe I can be wrong because they didn't meet foreigners often there’s palpable jealousy and unacceptance towards Americans, Russians, and Europeans, while Koreans, Indians, Southeast Asians, and Japanese are often regarded with disdain I have feel it in work. It’s disheartening to see how deeply rooted these biases are, making it clear that the struggle for acceptance goes beyond nationality. I think it’s the same all over East Asia but at least others aren't so... Job hunting has been particularly tough. Many companies prefer local talent, often sidelining qualifications. Even when I land a job, promotions frequently go to local colleagues, which only reinforces my status as a (Foreigner). Then there are the frequent checks. As a ( Foreigner ), I face scrutiny regarding my visa and the purpose of my stay. Securing permanent residency or citizenship in China is an uphill battle for foreigners, and gaining citizenship often feels nearly impossible. There’s talk that the government might make it easier for Chinese-heritage Southeast Asians to obtain citizenship, but that hasn’t been formalized yet. After three long years, I finally managed to get my citizenship. For the first time, being half-Chinese brings me some sense happiness. There are also many places I find foreigners can’t visit, further highlighting ( Outsider ) status. It’s exhausting to feel unwelcome in a place that’s supposed to be home. Dating brings its own challenges. Cultural expectations and skepticism from potential partners often make me feel like a novelty rather than a serious contender for a relationship. When it comes to marriage, the pressure of traditional expectations-such as dowries and wedding costs-can be overwhelming. I can’t help but wonder if they are essentially selling their daughters. It’s baffling to hear women discuss these expectations, and I truly don’t understand how they can be comfortable with it. After two or three breakups over this, it became clear to me why there is so much hypocrisy-claiming to want money while saying they don’t care its only because to family pressure so much hypocrisy. It frustrates me to the point where I want to punch these women's ( Plastic Faces ). If their family want money just say it 2:54 why..... .If you are ( Foreigners ) they might target your identity and culture make excuses its backup we care for daughter blah blah.... If you are rich hahahah they will even lick your feet's treat you as (Ancestor ). For those considering moving to China or East Asia-especially fans of anime, K-pop, and dramas-I advise caution. While visiting these countries might seem welcoming at first, the reality can be quite different after a month of living here. Living as family can be challenging you cant stay alone all life, if not impossible, as even locals struggle due to the emphasis on financial stability and worth. If you’re not desperate, I wouldn’t recommend living here permanently or pursuing marriage unless you’re financially secure or hopelessly in blind love.
Wow wow and wow. If brides in India ever got to know they'd be given dowry instead they giving dowry to grooms, most of the Indian men would die single.
Indo-European cultures have all traditionally practiced dowry. In the rest of the world (traditionally), they have bride prices. Different mindsets, but the underlying view that women are properties is the same.
Indian version seems more legit because after this male should take care for women the whole life. + its easier for men to get wife or remarry than women. In Georgia in past both families were contributing in marriages and they were negotiation, in present its the same but without old style transactional negotiation.
Chinese infatuation on money and material wealth is most revealed in weddings and the negotiations beforehand in my opinion. Everybody has a price; everyone can be bought and sold. It's disgusting to look at as an outsider.
I don't particularly like china but saying as if greed exists only in China is idiocy. I love my country but arranged marriages here call for girl's family paying a huge amount to groom's family. That's why nobody wants to do arranged weddings anymore.
In Ukraine, or at least how it was around fourty years ago, the bride and groom would dish out as much money as they could for a massive two-day wedding where maybe 100 or 200 people came, and then they would get back double what they spent from gifts of money envelopes from everyone who came, so instead of having to pay for their marriage, their marriage would yield them a good head start with enough money for a house or so.
Just the greed alone to have to sell off your daughter is insane. We are not just talking about a dowry that the wife gets to bank and have has a safety net, we are talking about parents and siblings who are barring the groom from marrying their daughter ON the day of as ransom. So many Chinese have this mentality that if you are in the pursuit of money, then anything goes and there’s very little morality when it comes to making money.
What's more insane to note that all of these expensive ceremonies aren't even compulsory by law. The woman's family just wants money and the man's family just wants him to get married.
Well yeah. The man’s family wants the family name and legacy to be carried on and the woman’s family wants money for raising a child they didn’t actually want. Girls are rare and an easy “money machine” for some people. It’s sad
Just to add, this bride price thing doesn't normally happen in Taiwan, where people are much wealthier. And it wasn't really a thing 40 years ago in mainland China either when everyone was still poor (back then bride family only expected groom to have a bike, TV and sowing machine). It's really in the last 20 years or so in mainland that it went from household necessity for the bride to making money for the bride's parents.
It’s an infatuation of wealth. Everyone wants to live a wealthy Chinese life that they see online and they think selling their daughter(s) is the easiest way to that kind of life. So they use the “love” of their “precious daughter “ to justify asking for so much. It’s all rooted in greed. They don’t think how making the groom go into debt will affect their daughter as well. They just want their money, after all a husbands debts are the wife’s debts as well. So one would think they would want the best for their daughter but they don’t. They just want money and don’t care how they get it.
That's completely untrue. Bride price is absolutely a massive thing in Taiwan and part of the reason there are less kids is Taiwanese elders will relentlessly mock any couple without a sufficiently big dowry and the groom providing a house as having a naked (ie. Shameful) wedding. Taiwanese wedding culture is probably worse if anything.
@@DK-ev9dg Pointing out the bad parts of one's culture/society and critiqueing it isn't being a "hater". There'd be no valid criticism and imporvement if we dismissed everything as "hating".
It used to be that the bride's family, specifically the bride's father paid for the wedding here in the United States. I know when my wife and I got married her parents gave us $15,000 for the wedding. So we spent $5,000 on the wedding and put $10,000 towards a new house. But if somebody said hey you got to pay $70,000 to love my daughter. I'd tell them to keep her
Our culture is that it used to be you pay to get rid of a 'useless mouth' and her future useless mouths (kids), that's why parents pay for the wedding. The son was valuable because he would work to inherit. Now the daughter doesn't get married, still has kids, and grandparents go broke paying for everything. Deadbeat sons sit and play games all day on the computer and eat elderly parents into poverty. So what is the cure for modern society?
As a mainland Chinese woman, I am gonna say yes. The wives are reviewed as property or slaves in this case. It's hard to tell something is wrong with the bride price thing when you grow up in that culture, as a woman, your parents want to get their money back from you and it's expected that you do as others do. Many young people they don't really feel like getting married, but the pressure from their parents make them walk into marriage and go through all the process, so there isn't love in the first place, making it nothing more than a trade-off
I've always thought weddings, even in the U.S., were ridiculously expensive. You buy an expensive dress you wear once. A bunch of flowers that will die within a week. Feed a bunch of people, most of whom are only there for food. I'm not married, but if I were to get married, it would be in front of the Justice of the Peace in jeans & a t-shirt. Fun gathering with only close friends/family afterwards (wear whatever you want) with sandwiches & drinks. Then spend the money on a nice honeymoon.
Want to know whats insane about weddings in the US? People take out loans and go into debt for a fucking $10k+ ring and $15-20k wedding reception/ceremony. And alot of women think its normal(Not all, not even a majority, but alot) because its 'their' big day.
9:57 You miissed out a bit towards the end of the usual conversation: Man: "Your brother is also of the age of marriage, would you dish out 300K if they asked?" Woman: "Don't be silly, of course not; it's you who has to pay for that!"
@@sajeerc6826 Plenty of examples in Mandarin language clips. To them these women are known as "Voldemots", a play of word that makes no sense in English. There's actually a skit: a bunch of people are having a drink together. A woman tells her prospective boyfriend that, in addition to the bride's price for herself, he has to pay the same for her brother so he could marry his girlfriend. The man thinks for a while, grabs her brother's girlfriend: "If there's where my money goes, I'd save heaps by marrying her instead: cuts out the middleman!"
The other sad thing is that sexist don't go away. In old age China, when women were treated as a burden for the family and often sold to rich households as maid or concubine. Now that women are rarer, they are sold by their family through marriage. Talk about Chinese family value 😢
As a half-Chinese, half-Irish living in China, I often encounter discrimination that highlights my outsider status. Moving back to China as a teenager, I hoped to connect with my roots, but it’s been a struggle. Despite being fluent in Mandarin and embracing the culture, I’m still seen as an outsider-perhaps because of my looks and my heterochromia eyes. Many times, I receive compliments about my appearance, especially in Europe, America, and South Asia. However, in China, these comments often feel more like taunts, marking me as different-a "foreigner." If you’re not Han Chinese, life can be particularly challenging in China, especially for immigrants with diverse backgrounds and (looks) these people are crazy after them. Even with my half-Chinese roots, I still feel like an outsider. I’ve met many "foreigners" here-Koreans, Japanese, Americans, Europeans, Russians, and Indians-and it’s striking how most of us often faced discrimination. In most cases maybe I can be wrong because they didn't meet foreigners often there’s palpable jealousy and unacceptance towards Americans, Russians, and Europeans, while Koreans, Indians, Southeast Asians, and Japanese are often regarded with disdain I have feel it in work. It’s disheartening to see how deeply rooted these biases are, making it clear that the struggle for acceptance goes beyond nationality. I think it’s the same all over East Asia but at least others aren't so... Job hunting has been particularly tough. Many companies prefer local talent, often sidelining qualifications. Even when I land a job, promotions frequently go to local colleagues, which only reinforces my status as a (Foreigner). Then there are the frequent checks. As a ( Foreigner ), I face scrutiny regarding my visa and the purpose of my stay. Securing permanent residency or citizenship in China is an uphill battle for foreigners, and gaining citizenship often feels nearly impossible. There’s talk that the government might make it easier for Chinese-heritage Southeast Asians to obtain citizenship, but that hasn’t been formalized yet. After three long years, I finally managed to get my citizenship. For the first time, being half-Chinese brings me some sense happiness. There are also many places I find foreigners can’t visit, further highlighting ( Outsider ) status. It’s exhausting to feel unwelcome in a place that’s supposed to be home. Dating brings its own challenges. Cultural expectations and skepticism from potential partners often make me feel like a novelty rather than a serious contender for a relationship. When it comes to marriage, the pressure of traditional expectations-such as dowries and wedding costs-can be overwhelming. I can’t help but wonder if they are essentially selling their daughters. It’s baffling to hear women discuss these expectations, and I truly don’t understand how they can be comfortable with it. After two or three breakups over this, it became clear to me why there is so much hypocrisy-claiming to want money while saying they don’t care its only because to family pressure so much hypocrisy. It frustrates me to the point where I want to punch these women's ( Plastic Faces ). If their family want money just say it 2:54 why..... .If you are ( Foreigners ) they might target your identity and culture make excuses its backup we care for daughter blah blah.... If you are rich hahahah they will even lick your feet's treat you as (Ancestor ). For those considering moving to China or East Asia-especially fans of anime, K-pop, and dramas-I advise caution. While visiting these countries might seem welcoming at first, the reality can be quite different after a month of living here. Living as family can be challenging you cant stay alone all life, if not impossible, as even locals struggle due to the emphasis on financial stability and worth. If you’re not desperate, I wouldn’t recommend living here permanently or pursuing marriage unless you’re financially secure or hopelessly in blind love.
In India, this type of behavior has been criminalized. Traditionally, the bride's family gives money to the groom's side, but as per the law, the groom's family cannot demand any form of payment. Additionally, almost all tribes in India follow a bride price system, where a set maximum price or alternative arrangements are established. In my tribe, the bride price is set at 0.75 rupees. Some tribes, instead of asking for money, require the groom to stay in the bride's house for a few days.
As a half-Chinese, half-Irish living in China, I often encounter discrimination that highlights my outsider status. Moving back to China as a teenager, I hoped to connect with my roots, but it’s been a struggle. Despite being fluent in Mandarin and embracing the culture, I’m still seen as an outsider-perhaps because of my looks and my heterochromia eyes. Many times, I receive compliments about my appearance, especially in Europe, America, and South Asia. However, in China, these comments often feel more like taunts, marking me as different-a "foreigner." If you’re not Han Chinese, life can be particularly challenging in China, especially for immigrants with diverse backgrounds and (looks) these people are crazy after them. Even with my half-Chinese roots, I still feel like an outsider. I’ve met many "foreigners" here-Koreans, Japanese, Americans, Europeans, Russians, and Indians-and it’s striking how most of us often faced discrimination. In most cases maybe I can be wrong because they didn't meet foreigners often there’s palpable jealousy and unacceptance towards Americans, Russians, and Europeans, while Koreans, Indians, Southeast Asians, and Japanese are often regarded with disdain I have feel it in work. It’s disheartening to see how deeply rooted these biases are, making it clear that the struggle for acceptance goes beyond nationality. I think it’s the same all over East Asia but at least others aren't so... Job hunting has been particularly tough. Many companies prefer local talent, often sidelining qualifications. Even when I land a job, promotions frequently go to local colleagues, which only reinforces my status as a (Foreigner). Then there are the frequent checks. As a ( Foreigner ), I face scrutiny regarding my visa and the purpose of my stay. Securing permanent residency or citizenship in China is an uphill battle for foreigners, and gaining citizenship often feels nearly impossible. There’s talk that the government might make it easier for Chinese-heritage Southeast Asians to obtain citizenship, but that hasn’t been formalized yet. After three long years, I finally managed to get my citizenship. For the first time, being half-Chinese brings me some sense happiness. There are also many places I find foreigners can’t visit, further highlighting ( Outsider ) status. It’s exhausting to feel unwelcome in a place that’s supposed to be home. Dating brings its own challenges. Cultural expectations and skepticism from potential partners often make me feel like a novelty rather than a serious contender for a relationship. When it comes to marriage, the pressure of traditional expectations-such as dowries and wedding costs-can be overwhelming. I can’t help but wonder if they are essentially selling their daughters. It’s baffling to hear women discuss these expectations, and I truly don’t understand how they can be comfortable with it. After two or three breakups over this, it became clear to me why there is so much hypocrisy-claiming to want money while saying they don’t care its only because to family pressure so much hypocrisy. It frustrates me to the point where I want to punch these women's ( Plastic Faces ). If their family want money just say it 2:54 why..... .If you are ( Foreigners ) they might target your identity and culture make excuses its backup we care for daughter blah blah.... If you are rich hahahah they will even lick your feet's treat you as (Ancestor ). For those considering moving to China or East Asia-especially fans of anime, K-pop, and dramas-I advise caution. While visiting these countries might seem welcoming at first, the reality can be quite different after a month of living here. Living as family can be challenging you cant stay alone all life, if not impossible, as even locals struggle due to the emphasis on financial stability and worth. If you’re not desperate, I wouldn’t recommend living here permanently or pursuing marriage unless you’re financially secure or hopelessly in blind love.
In south India especially in Telugu states, you cant expect a marriage to happen without dowry. its only criminalized on paper. Even love marriages also have dowry involved.
this Toxic wedding culture its not just in China , in some part of Taiwan still also (where im from but i grew up in AUS ), specially the rural countryside, when i married my wife , her family asked some ridiculous amount of big and small dowry, promised will be returned after the wedding saying its all for show at the wedding ..... it never came back....
Great analysis and insights; I remember going out with girls in Guangzhou and one of their first topics of conversation would be about my job, salary, and if I have a house and a car in the U.S. too bad I'm a backpacker with no house or a car 🤣🤣🤣
Indian arrange marriages are no different. It's not about love but money. But Middle Eastern marriages are even worse where adult men marry children paying off their families.
Indian marriage is a chaos . be it arranged marriage or love marriage .arranged marriage in India is however far tough than love marriage . however , love marriage & Job marriage ( marryinga person of same job status ) is on rise in India .
What 😑 dont compare china to india in china it is ligal and in india it is illegal 😳 in india we don't pay for groom or bride's family like parent and for brothers future in india couple will use it for there future there are lots for difference that will make this comment long so in short it is the difference between sky and land
@rajanlad Yeah. That's because those days daughters were married off and they couldn't bring any land or house a long with them. So the parents will send jewellery, farm animals, food and clothes. However, the wife's brothers play important roles in a lot of ceremonies related to her chimdren like baby naming and engagement ceremonies, especially in the Southern India. But now Indians use to pimp out their sons. Some brides' family also demand dowry from groom too.Depend on the culture and region. Bride price is basically selling off their daughter that they raise, and cutting ties from her birth home. The husband's family have full control on her.
hey David, the 改口费 is not "name change fee", it's actually for the bride to start addressing the groom's parents as 爸爸 (father) and 妈妈 (mother) instead of the previously 叔叔 (uncle) and 阿姨 (auntie)
I'm pretty sure, (not entirely, take it with a grain of salt) that that's the same little pink I saw harrasing people on another channel. Just ignore them if so. @ADM.II.
As a South African, we do dowry which in my culture the Sotho culture called mahadi, but not like this In order for the wedding to go ahead, we have to pay the price for vula umlomo so that the lobola negotiations can begin Trust me, it's much better than this China's version of lobola negotiations is disgusting and disrespectful
One must understand the Chinese culture. In China it the male offspring is responsible for taking care of his parents in their retirement while the female is married into another family. Daughters are expected then to support and help take care of her husbands family having relative little interaction with her original family. This means daughter's do not in general contribute to the retirement of their own parents. So for in the eyes of the older Chinese generation they only cost money to raise while doing nothing to assist them in retirement. So when they are married away the cultural habit is to get money to reimburse them for raising them. But as daughters have become more valuable due to the imbalance of man and woman, families use this opportunity to no just compensate them for raising them, but also make a profit of it. And when it comes to money, the Chinese dont mess around.
As a first generation immigrant, I definitely feel this pressure to "make it" to support my parents in the future - but I am struggling right now in my personal life. It's very toxic and I don't really have anyone to talk about it.
It is always the farthest comments that are the most interesting ones, this really made me think twice on this bride thing, i think if it's done with common sense, like only asking a load of money if the man is rich, then i wouldn't see it with bad eyes, so if the guy is poor, then ask what he can actually afford.
The problem is, this isn't "Tradition". None of this is considered "tradition". It's just a "thing" that people started to demand after the Cultural Revolution. In actual "tradition", both families pay into building the future of the young couple. The bride's family pay into dowry (for her to take into the marriage) and the groom's family pay into settling her into a new home. This "bride price" didn't show up until there's a very big gender gap between males and females.
@Velata if you repeat something until it becomes a pervasive reoccurrence then it would be considered a tradition regardless of how little it has been going on.
Interestingly Chinese divorces happen in the same office where the weddings are granted. The waiting room of the wedding office is a combination of excited newly weds and bitter divorcees 😅
Springing any extra money on the DAY OF the wedding is extortion. It's also stupid because the bride's family assumes that the money exists when it could not. Even if it does, it might not be liquid, or the groom will just be so spooked he'll leave. Great way to prevent that marriage and any after, because I'm sure that groom will tell everyone what happened and then no one will pursue that woman.
If he was from mainland China he was probably even happier he avoided putting his family in to debt. If I were in China I would probably only look for foreign brides.
My father is of Scottish heritage and so is my husband. Each thought the other would get money for me but neither did. My dad did offer us a ladder to elope but I told him I didn't need it because we lived in a bungalow.
I think a dowry is dumb. Use the money saved up to start your married life together. Think about it... $200k on a wedding and dowry or $200k for you and your new wife to start a life.
Traditionally the dowry and bride price was an exchange of securities by the families... It was designed to be a financial cushion for the young couple as they established a new life together. Doesn't seem to work that way anymore....
@@cmaven4762 Building a financial cushion is essential for newlyweds to start their lives independently. By avoiding excessive family intervention, couples can create a strong foundation based on trust and teamwork. This allows them to navigate challenges and make decisions together, fostering a stronger bond and a more fulfilling future.
And yet, lots of gifts and money for the couple at the wedding. And in the US, the bride blows thousands for her 'dream wedding', a house payment out the window so she can end up crying because people on Instagram hated on her gown. 🤣
Does anyone have the name of the song? I tried searching it up for over 30 minutes :( Edit: after further research I’ve found the name of the song -心若不在何必强求
My Australian wife 😍 was free, and so was i ,but i treated her to a UK 🇬🇧 wedding plus 4 months honeymoon including 9 countries, she hadn't been overseas before ❤ God bless Lyn RIP XOXO 🙏 ❤ ❤ 🎉 🎉 😊
In india its opposite, the parents of soon to be bride has to pay the dowry, only to be highly exploited by groom and the in laws. Its banned, but it does takes place a lot still.
As a half-Chinese, half-Irish living in China, I often encounter discrimination that highlights my outsider status. Moving back to China as a teenager, I hoped to connect with my roots, but it’s been a struggle. Despite being fluent in Mandarin and embracing the culture, I’m still seen as an outsider-perhaps because of my looks and my heterochromia eyes. Many times, I receive compliments about my appearance, especially in Europe, America, and South Asia. However, in China, these comments often feel more like taunts, marking me as different-a "foreigner." If you’re not Han Chinese, life can be particularly challenging in China, especially for immigrants with diverse backgrounds and (looks) these people are crazy after them. Even with my half-Chinese roots, I still feel like an outsider. I’ve met many "foreigners" here-Koreans, Japanese, Americans, Europeans, Russians, and Indians-and it’s striking how most of us often faced discrimination. In most cases maybe I can be wrong because they didn't meet foreigners often there’s palpable jealousy and unacceptance towards Americans, Russians, and Europeans, while Koreans, Indians, Southeast Asians, and Japanese are often regarded with disdain I have feel it in work. It’s disheartening to see how deeply rooted these biases are, making it clear that the struggle for acceptance goes beyond nationality. I think it’s the same all over East Asia but at least others aren't so... Job hunting has been particularly tough. Many companies prefer local talent, often sidelining qualifications. Even when I land a job, promotions frequently go to local colleagues, which only reinforces my status as a (Foreigner). Then there are the frequent checks. As a ( Foreigner ), I face scrutiny regarding my visa and the purpose of my stay. Securing permanent residency or citizenship in China is an uphill battle for foreigners, and gaining citizenship often feels nearly impossible. There’s talk that the government might make it easier for Chinese-heritage Southeast Asians to obtain citizenship, but that hasn’t been formalized yet. After three long years, I finally managed to get my citizenship. For the first time, being half-Chinese brings me some sense happiness. There are also many places I find foreigners can’t visit, further highlighting ( Outsider ) status. It’s exhausting to feel unwelcome in a place that’s supposed to be home. Dating brings its own challenges. Cultural expectations and skepticism from potential partners often make me feel like a novelty rather than a serious contender for a relationship. When it comes to marriage, the pressure of traditional expectations-such as dowries and wedding costs-can be overwhelming. I can’t help but wonder if they are essentially selling their daughters. It’s baffling to hear women discuss these expectations, and I truly don’t understand how they can be comfortable with it. After two or three breakups over this, it became clear to me why there is so much hypocrisy-claiming to want money while saying they don’t care its only because to family pressure so much hypocrisy. It frustrates me to the point where I want to punch these women's ( Plastic Faces ). If their family want money just say it 2:54 why..... .If you are ( Foreigners ) they might target your identity and culture make excuses its backup we care for daughter blah blah.... If you are rich hahahah they will even lick your feet's treat you as (Ancestor ). For those considering moving to China or East Asia-especially fans of anime, K-pop, and dramas-I advise caution. While visiting these countries might seem welcoming at first, the reality can be quite different after a month of living here. Living as family can be challenging you cant stay alone all life, if not impossible, as even locals struggle due to the emphasis on financial stability and worth. If you’re not desperate, I wouldn’t recommend living here permanently or pursuing marriage unless you’re financially secure or hopelessly in blind love.
@@DK-ev9dg He was just reading what was on text. You could text was fake, but paying anybody any amount of the money to get in and out of a car is too much.
Giving my personal experience for free again; During a friend wedding the bride’s family got drunk and start to argue about that money, because she married a foreign and he didn’t pay anything hahah on the other side, my in-laws were super happy because I’m a foreign and they didn’t have to pay anything to me or my parents 😂
And here in India bride's family has to pay a husband amount of money to groom's family and the worst thing is that many girl die because be greed of groom's family
@@killbot86 are you from India? If not I can't explain everything. Because grooms family exploits bride after marriage even after taking large amount of dowry . Some people even demand more money after marriage. If the bride's family are poor they sells everything and gives dowry. If they can no longer support extra demands the grooms family resort to torturing bride. It s ahell hole. Funny thing is the fate is same even if the bride is educationally and financially superior to her husband, they still want her under their feet. U can actually seen about these cases on Google or daily newspapers. Even the dowry act formed to shut down this bull shit is not able to stop this . Nowadays they are covering dowry in the form of gifts . Mentality of people is so rotten to the point of no return.
Some of these stories here are downright ridiculous. Like I understand the dowry if the two parties spoke of it beforehand. But the brides family just suddenly saying they want more right before or during the wedding?
It is disgusting that the bond between two people in love is used to make money. In some places, it goes even further, with parents selling their own children, treating them like objects. This is nothing less than modern-day slavery, yet it still happens in several countries. It's shocking that even today, basic ideas like human dignity and common sense are still at risk, while these cruel practices go on.
I gave my wife a $50 engagement ring, when I was an apprentice a third of my weekly wage. My wife’s step mother said we wouldn’t last more than ten years, this was In 1981, we are still married, we have a roof over our heads and done and seen more than a lot of couples, marriage is about being together, who cares what the family thinks. (Her stepmother apologised years later). Ooh, yeah I have replaced her engagement and wedding ring, all her old rings and my ring, had them melted into a solid gold heart pendant added diamonds to it. Why, because I want to, not because I am being held to ransom.
Its like you are buying a product . Ransom money for her family basically. That money is needed for young couple to start their life together and not to pay off ransom.
6:48 the dad singing and taking his son is a legend! What a power move! Teaching his son how to cut his losses, it will benefit him in the long run. You should try to make an interview on them, I would love to see that, see what happened afterwards.
way back 2006, there was a chinese girl that our common friend tried to hook up with me just so she could avoid marrying a chinese man she didn't like. there were no issues with the dowry from what I've heard but the girl didn't want to push through the wedding. I talked to her a couple of times and she said it's not fair for her since the ones who want the marriage are her parents and not her.
@1:38 Why is Taiwan listed #16 on the "National Standard"?! Bride price is not such a big deal in Taiwan (because it doesn't have the same gender gap). They don't participate in this kind of madness! The shamelessness of these people...
First off let me say this I understand as a parent you want to make sure that your children are taken care of in their marriage!! But let’s get real this isn’t about your Daughter or your Son this is about that Family making sure their Set-Up for life!! Assuming they don’t have a 401-k plan or any pension retirement from their Employer so this is their MEAL TICKET!! And it’s HIGHWAY ROBBERY IN MY OPINION!! If you truly want your Daughter to be Happy then don’t put To Many Stipulations on the Relationship/Marriage 😮 the ideal is to GET HER OUT OF YOUR HOUSE and with this type of Mess going She’ll NEVER YOUR HOUSE and it’s a possibility that you have BLACKBALLED your daughter and NO MEN WILL HAVE HER AT THAT PRICES /COST!! So sad I rather have a Man that Loves For Me and not what I have financially 🙏🏽
I'm more use to hearing the bride's family paying the groom's family. It was for the bride's family to pay compensation to the groom's for taking care of their daughter for the rest of her life. When it comes for the groom's paying a bride's price it was a way to show the bride's family that the groom could afford to take care of their daughter for the rest of her life. Of course I only heard about this happening to people who own property, or land. Not poor or common people.
Not Chinese culture, CCP culture. You will see it in Thailand as well but what they often do, is display all the stacks of money they took from the bank (whoever has it) then it goes right back to the bank. It is more a status thing. Unless you get a rural girl and her farmer parents really need the dough but not CCP high prices. Some Arabs do it as well but you buy gold for the wife, which she has as insurance if her husbands keels over.
Not really, it's been around throughout history all over the world, but as it's a union of houses (families) usually both families will put money into the marriage as an investment in their future. It's actually surprising to me that people haven't heard of this before. Used to happen a lot in Ireland, England, still happens in India as well as other countries. (I don't remember how many still practice it though.) America stopped it a long while ago, but it used happen there too. (I'm in America.)
@@akitkat-1225 In China the groom pays for the bride. In Europe it was fairly exclusively the womans family that gave cash mostly for the wedding. So the other way around.
It is so toxic and disgusting when the bride's family always puts the groom's family at a high stake situation to demand extra payments on top of the agreed amount. If the groom cancels the wedding, he will lose all his pre-paid wedding costs and his honor in front of his extended family.
That's true - however he can look at it as - yes it's lost money, and that's unfortunate. But the money he lost now, is money that oddly enough saved him from spending many times that amount if he had gone ahead with the marriage.
Dowry for the family is basically selling your daughter. We have in some places in Turkey too and it is a frowned upon practise since it is religiously,legally and morally bankrupt thing to do. In Islam you plan a dowry directly to the person you marry for them to use after divorce you need to agree on that. In law you gotta give money to the woman after the divorce through judgement. It is just disgusting no matter where you look.
We are Chinese who doesn't live in China. We value our tradition and cultures so dowry is part of our culture. Except my mom have 5 childrens so she never asked any of my brother-in-laws any dowry because "why would i need that? I still have many childrens" she said. So the big difference is i think in China most families only have one daughter so if their daughter is being married off then they don't have income source anymore.
My wedding was $2000 and we received a decent handful of household presents and money from our families to have a nice honeymoon for a week driving up and down the beach. no drama, just joy. still married 13 years later.
Funny my father wanted me have an arranged marriage offered me 100 grand + underage long time ago I got upset and hung him up blocked him and deleted from contact haven't talked to him for over 12yrs haven't seen him over 30yrs. All women doing now is gold digging and online gold digging nothing more nothing less I still don't regret it. Enough said!
That's insane. People often don't understand how I can block contact from my family, especially Asian people, but sometimes the abuse just can't be stopped and no-contact is a must.
How many young Chinese men lost their precious bride price, in the recent Stock Market Bubble that burst, because they went all in, hoping to multiply it, to pay for the house and the car?
@@500dollarjapanesetoaster8Yep, men are expected to protect, provide endlessly, including upfront costs, and then the woman can leave whenever she wants, for whatever reason, and get rewarded for it. I personally think it's moronic to enter a contract the other person will be rewarded for breaking, not to mention she can make false claims to gain extra power in those courts.
"Leftover women" didn't "demand too much", most just didn't want to get married or have a relationship. It's misogynistic to see them like disobedient transactional objects.
I'd say it can depend on whose perspective you are viewing that from. To the parents, they might be the "disobedient transactional object." They may also still be single because their standards are quite high, but for the men who meet their standards, the men can choose someone younger. It's an awkward situation.
But that's very much how they're viewed. The women themselves may just not want to get married, but their relatives and extended social group do indeed assume that they overpriced themselves in the marriage market. Ironically the whole wedding hype portrayed here has turned off A LOT of Chinese 20-somethings of both sexes.
Saying leftover women doesn't mean you hate women or are prejudiced towards women. Just like calling a man a loser, a scrub or bum doesn't mean you hate men just because of their monetary status. You are saying that they are useless in the dating world not to their families and friends and not as a human being. Same for leftover women. They are valuable ad human beings but a waste of time for dating.
American guy here, married a Chinese woman recently. Her family asked for the bride price too, on top of estimated wedding costs. Told them sure, but that kind of money is either coming from our house payment or retirement fund. Asked why can't we have all three. Replied I too would like some cake I can have/eat, a puppy that stays a puppy forever, and a unicorn that shits gold. They got the hint and we proceeded with a "naked" (i.e. normal) wedding
This was really helpful to know. I’m planning on a trip to China. This seems to be an unfortunate situation for everyone. I recently saw a video about Newlyweds doing their ceremony at McDonald’s or out for hot pot. This makes more sense now.
Withall that said, people need to realize on Average China still has about 5-7x smaller salary than Americans meaning the figures you're looking at is close to a decades worth of income for them
