I feel like you are describing all the same coping mechanisms I used for years and in many ways still do. I appreciate you so much and for how you so openly share your story with us all. Honestly, I listen to so many self developmemt and trauma healing videos on youtube and yours truly are the best out there - your authenticity, wisdom and passion are always so apparent so dont ever doubt how they may be be recieved, they are invaluable 🙏❤️
It amazes me how as we age, that we still learn something new each day. I appreciate your honesty by you being able to have the capacity to be so vulnerable. As a Dismissive Avoidant individual, I can relate to many of the same experiences that your sharing.
Wow, you just described me and my whole life! Almost everything you said you went through, I went through, too. Only my trauma went into my body and became chronic illness, which has kept me very restricted in my life for many years. I wish you were able to take another client (me). Keep up the great work.
Sometimes I listen to your videos and hear my own story and think are we the same person? The details are different, but you’re describing my lived experience and all the feelings and coping skills that go with all of it. I have found myself at times gobsmacked to the point of saying out loud, “Ma’am! Stop telling my story!”😂 I’d love for you to say more about how to deal with my own parenting regrets. I don’t know that I’d change anything, as you said, but also I am aware that my kid has been infected by my hypervigilance, and I see some people pleasing tendencies in my incredible adult son that make my stomach hurt for him 😢
You story HELPED sooooooo much....I relate to most and that is enlightening and give me UNDERSTANDING and hope for Healing !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TONS
Thank you for sharing your very personal journey. I just broke free from a decades old situation w/a malignant narc and most videos are about the narc. Been there, done that. Now to heal and learn how to live... at the end of my life, with no $, work skills, and emotionally shattered. Your videos are so helpful. Thank you. Also, I am in love with your wall paper. THAT is what I need for a bedroom of peace. Do you know what company makes it? Thanks.
As I’m learning more about trauma, narcissists and a dysfunctional family the more I see how emotionally immature my family is. This definitely shows when I try to set boundaries or talk about something like a mature adult. It makes me laugh but it is also extremely hurtful to get the silent treatment when you decide to not be a people pleaser. As someone in my 30s it’s very sad seeing how I can still be treated but then I have to remember my family is still in their reality of trauma and can’t see what they do clearly due to emotional immaturity. Thank you for sharing your story. It’s funny how one day we just snap out of it and see what’s really in front of us.
I adore you. I adore your transparency and how candid and forthcoming you are. Realizing how alike our lives have been it is so inredibly helpful on my healing journey to hear you share your knowledge and all the ways you have learned to work hard at healing yourself. Your insight is a gift for those of us listening.
-Getting out of our angry or vulnerable child mode - not allowing our healthy adult to be constantly evolving -Understanding the somatic anxiety in our bodies from cptsd -Going no contact with narcissist parents and breaking the trauma bond -Developing a strong awareness of steering clear of narcissist partners due to fear, control, vulnerability, trauma bonding and familiar abuse (codependency) -Looking at our compulsive care-taking of others and seeing our value in caring for others when we aren’t doing it for ourselves -Dealing intellectually with our abandonment core wounds and emotionally healing -Working on boundaries full stop - justifying with excuses -Not properly feeling our righteous anger and not channeling it properly -Surrendering control in general -Not trusting your gut hen you know you should Let myself be done.. jumped off that cliff..took risks, changed, fought such as changing careers
Dr Kim, I only discovered your channel this week and already your understanding and ability to clearly explain psychological issues is fantastic. I was blown away by your description of Complex PTSD. I didn’t know that such a wide constellation of symptoms existed much less that so many of them described my life. I am 70 years young and it’s shocking to feel the effect of these emotions in my nervous system at this stage. And I’m working to heal the health effects of this negativity on my body and mind. Please keep up the good work!
I really love and appreciate your content and it really hits home because we're the same age with four grown children. This is remarkable because I'm 56 and literally just coming to terms with the fact that I've been in a trauma trance. It makes me overwhelmingly sad that I've wasted 40 years entrenched in self-hate and in beliefs about myself and believing that others didn't like me when it was completely untrue. I also punished myself by settling for toxic relationships. I finally come to the light and I'm learning so much 🙏❤️
Spot on again, Dr. Kim. I think the terrifying feeling of showing up as the real you is also part of the trauma response. I have that feeling as well but I realize that when I am most myself is when I have the greatest impact in my professional relationships and with my friends and family. We grow up learning to hide ourselves to please others and it is a trip to realize that being authentically ourselves is where our greatest joy and achievements lie. Didn’t Jung say it is a privilege to become what we were meant to be? Glad you are finally thriving!
This was so helpful to hear and so validating. Thank you for being vulnerable with us and sharing your experience, you are helping many people with your insight. ❤
Ty for sharing. You give me hope that I can still write my own ending for my story. I am 49 and I just moved out of my moms house. I was there for 8 years but I had to go there and I wasn’t healthy for the first 4. I am the baby of 10 children and my father was chronically ill through out my entire childhood. He died on my mom’s birthday and my senior year of high school. I had 5 months to go when he passed. I never left my moms side I didn’t know what I wanted or who I am. Well I am 4 days into my search for knowledge and understanding and I appreciate the opportunity to hear your story cause I know I am not alone or flawed and I’m not going to carry the heavy weight of the anxiety, anger and constant criticism ect ect. Thanks again 😊
Thank you for being brave enough to be so vulnerable. I think it makes you more professional, at least, in my opinion. I can’t relate to therapists who are not willing to share their own stories. It sounds like you have done an amazing job of parenting yourself. That’s something I’m still working on and I’m in my 60s! I can relate to everything you talked about. I still find that I beat myself over the head for things and I’m trying to work on self-forgiveness. I seem to discover something new about myself almost every day, and I agree with you that it will probably go on forever. It took several catastrophes in order for me to finally realize that I was letting my childhood needs completely control me. Thank you again for sharing and I think your children are so, so lucky to have you as a parent. I’m sure they feel that way as well. 💕💕
So much of this feels like my own life. Can you please explain more about the situation with your mom if thats ok? Ive gone nc lately at age 50 and its very challenging with my 4 kids who still have a relationship with her
i went no contact on and off throughout the years and by some miracle she actually started to learn my boundaries!! it is not perfect but knowing that she is actually trying to hear me instead of treating me like a therapist.....well i am so grateful because i am nearing 50 and she is nearing her mid 70s wish you the best too 💖
Your showing me what I have been realizing. Healing takes A LOOOOONG time. I hope it will be sped up for future generations so that they don't have to keep going on a downward spiral for so long. It seems as if we don't really start coming out of childhood trauma until middle age.
I totally understand and resonate. Thank you doctor! Love you!!!!❤❤❤❤ I'm 44 woman with CPTSD. I am the same way! Same thing except the trailer park and stuff. The anxiety has been a major issue. Depression led to an eating disorder where I just stopped eating and forgot to eat. It was pretty bad. Getting healthy now and setting boundaries with a firm grip. Nobody is going to bully me. ❤❤❤❤
Kim, thank you so so much for sharing more and more of your story. I feel like we are the exact same person. Way too many similarities (except I never had children). I have never ever heard of anyone else with a story like mine until finding your channel a few months ago. All this to say that you give me so much hope about my own healing and future. Like you I'm in my fifties as well - with only myself. Please keep sharing your heart. Thanks again ❤
Hi Kim. Works in progress. That is what resonated with me in your presentation. But that has to also be a conscious decision we make. So many people aren't works in progress; they refuse to learn, to change, to grow. We don't have to be perfect; we just have to keep learning. Ngā mihi nui, Kylee
Love your vulnerability…. So real…-and shows your inner strength. You’ve done a lot of inner work. That is admirable. Thank you for trusting us enough to be real. Love how you don’t pretend to be perfect while being an accomplished therapist.
Talking about your own personal experiences may be scary, but it's not unprofessional. At the end of the day, therapists are also people, and so many people choose to become therapists because of their own trauma. I think that therapists like yourself and Mickey Atkins showing your authentic self online in a way gives people permission to open up about their trauma because, if therapists can do it, then so can we.
Thank you. I also have many blessings and a very tattered safety net. It can be scary sometimes that combinations. I have to agree completely that knowing I can care for myself, in all aspects, is what keeps me ok. Maybe it can make me too independent at times, but it also keeps me feeling safe.
I am having that panic right now. I feel sick. In standing up I am experiencing and terrible fear reaction. I feel like a child even though I took a stand! My mother is so into her own needs she is neglecting my father who needs cancer tests and treatment. She is having none of his treatment to get better. I'm not going along with her inaction.
I relate so much to this video especially the part about the anxiety about losing someone. I don't know if it stems from me desperately wanting and needing unconditional love and fearing once I get it, it'll be gone in the snap of a finger or if it comes from something my mom used to tell me to make me behave. When I was a child and (even now as an adult) She used to tell me when I was emotional or reacting to her that I was stressing her out so much that I was going to give her a stroke or heart attack. And she'd say, "You'll get your wish, I'll be dead soon ". No matter how much she hurt me, I never wanted her to die or be hurt. I remember being scared she'd die whenever I heard her sigh or get angry and I feared if she did it would be my fault. I notice now that I'm so overprotective of friends and even my dog because I'm afraid if I can't be in control over their safety and watch them every moment, something bad will happen. Movies like Adrift made me bawl my eyes out cause I never want to lose someone I love and be alone without them.
Wow! Everything you said describes me. Especially the part about anger. My mother was would go into rages; it’s amazing she didn’t have a stoke much sooner than she did. So I was terrified of my own anger and literally stuffed it down my throat, eating my way up to 350lbs. I think a lot of obesity is repressed anger and fear. I no longer weigh that much but still struggle to be “normal”. Hearing you talk about your experience has helped me feel like I’m not alone.
The problem in life in general is that good people don't know what to do when they run into people or situations outside of their way of behavior. We want to think the best of people even when it is unwise to do so. Reality is tough and as Robert Fritz said, "An acquired taste."
In learning about trauma one of the items that frustrates me is the repeating theme of trauma childhood and relationship to ‘care taking’. I grew up with a fairy tale home with zero trauma and with an amazing family. My husband had suppressed cPTSD. He is a horrible caregiver. Zero empathy, insanely selfish, almost no compassion and super emotionally neglectful.
You are amazing and now forgive the little girl who knew no different. Resonate with conflict and anger avoidance. I have terror daily but like you have overcome a lot. I made excuses for others behaviour that was unacceptable. It’s all part of traumatic history. Every day is challenging. You are inspiring and ‘Still we Rise’ love you and thanks for everything xxx❤❤❤❤❤
Hi! Recently found your channel. I’m finding your content very relatable and inspiring. I’m a mental health care professional from a chaotic unpredictable and emotionally neglectful home. I’ve put myself though so much suffering by re-enacting my trauma bonds in intimate relationships. Understanding my neurodiversity has helped to see just how much fawning and pleasing I’ve been doing my entire life. I’m a single parent to just one child who is autistic with pathological demand avoidance. Also have no safety net… it’s just me. Last year I managed to extricate myself from a traumatic relationship with a partner of 2.5 yrs who had a rapid onset cognitive decline. I thought I’d finally found someone who would be there for me emotionally, physically, intellectually and financially. Suddenly he was dependent on me instead and bringing chaos into my life and my home. I’m finally in charge of my life again and recovering.
Hi, I know this might be weird, but I have so much to talk to you about. We have such similar stories it's crazy and I'm going through getting diagnosed and wanted to ask do you know about Alexithymia?I'm no professional so PLEASE know that bc in just gong off my own research into this for myself, as well. Sorry if I get lost in my rambling, I try hard not to, but I'm as of right now technically undiagnosed, but I've taken all these test that indicates i have Aspergers with 100% probability n Alexithymia, few others, so I'm not too concerned about it, and think you'll understand when I say I know this is what I have. You have to experience it to understand, and I cry even l when you talk about your mom, and experiences bc mine is just like her. I cane to the same conclusions as you right as I found your channel. I can't tell you how relieved I was to know your a Dr I'm right on track. My father took his life when I was 6. I think he had bpd from my gma leaving him on the side of the road at 15 for a strange man to pick up and go live with w/ that she planned to marry after she went to find herself. She told me the story and I was shocked. My mother lied and coveredup how he died 5 different ways and times and it felt like losing him every single time. My aunt on my dad's side finally found me through Facebook and told me the truth at 23. I can't bring her name up or my mom has her version of a meltdown I guess. She remarried a man 1yr2 months later, my step dad who has hated me from the day my baby brother was born. Ilost my baby bro last year at 28 I think I get this from my grandpa, and my niece I think is just like me. My mom just kills me sometimes, I mean does she do this on purpose. It's obvious my niece is just like me and she's flipped out bc she recognized what she did to me was basically torture and she's taking it on me. It's like they target me for being different, yet expect me to raise my brothers and be the little adult I always had to be, oh top of really struggling but hiding it bc they'd make fun of all the kids that needed help and march them out of class and take them to the"dunb lab" where they'd get help with test. Kid can be cruel. So I just didn't say anything. I still graduated with honors, taught myself to read abs scared my teacher in first grade. I have a Filmographic memory and can remember back to 9mo old. I get so excited when I read the research about it out of Australia is incredible. I love theirs and I'm actually talking with some body language experts that analyzed Elon Musk. I recognized with someone pointing it out that I had similar body language and ended up answering questions like Elon did the reporter. I wonder what you'd see and do? It's The Behavior Panel. I wish you had an email or something I could send everything I'm figuring out down to we can't be read by body language experts bc we're neurodyvergent and have different body language. It's called stemming and I think all that interrupts their read is traits like we wave HI and walk on our tiptoes, flap or flick our fingernails,aversion to eye contact things like that. Obviously we all are different and no one has all the same etc, but i bet you'd love this lecture I heard about how females with Aspergers make incredible spies. I keep proving by catching details on those videos they were impressed I caught. Almost 1M viewers and only I caught it. Lol Things like that make it pretty obvious to me. It's so nice knowing I'm not alone. Oh I was going to tell you look into Alexithymia. They've discovered 40-60% of autistics females show this trait. I'm going from memory so please don't quote me on that. They also discovered 80% of ppl that go into an assessment saying that have this do. Just interesting facts and stuff I bet you'd love on this embrace autism site that give their test out free in Canada. I took them all and this is what makes the most sense with my not recognizing faces easily. For example they had the same woman with different color hair and I thought it was two different ppl. It sucks but might have to do with the Alexithymia from what I understand. I bet you'd learn alot life I did. I find that neurotypical Drs are very stand offish when you're right here and these neurodyvergent drs like you really are helping me understand what has been going on with me. I bet you'd love their tests as much as I did. Do you hate the unknown too? Sorry so many questions, I can't help it. I've got adhd that's a no brainner lol probably ocd slight dyslexia n the Alexithymia for sure. Obviously I'm not saying you have it, just that those tests really helped me understand. Their The Aspie, EQ,RAADS-R CAT-Q
This is intense and I had a trauma bond with my mom, and got partially through it, and yet apologized to her near her death. She couldn’t speak anymore due to a stroke and I think she understand mentally what people were saying. It’s interesting that for awhile I was considering a psychologist and even found out about CPTSD. Then this video shows up. It’s a miracle, thanks. 🎉
Thank you for being so real, authentic and vulnerable with us. Please continue to share, I relate to you so much and find your explanations as to the "why" behind certain behaviors so liberating and soothing. You're amazing!
Another great video on relevant topics affecting my life. However, I lost her around 13:00. The personal experiences are helpful, but the content gets mixed and the delivery is rushed in this video: the concepts are important but there is just too much to keep up at some point. Shorter videos would be helpful. Thank you again for taking on these difficult topics.
This video was the therapy and guidance I needed. Thank you so much for sharing your personal experiences and knowledge with us, it takes courage to let you light shine and be yourself.❤
Please do cover rebuilding your career after trauma bonding... Not enough is talked about financial autonomy and career building as part of your sense of self.
My mother was not a mother. I taught myself how to be a mother, to my son, my only child. I made ALOT of mistakes but can honestly say at least I tried. I tried because I never wanted my child to feel how I have felt my entire life. My son died last year after a lengthy battle with colon cancer. He was 45. I still feel the guilt of not being a better mother to him. I soooo wish I had known then what I know now. I will never forgive myself.
So much of this video I identify with, my insides are screaming this isnt right, but dont know how to make it stop, and believing all the while that I am the problem, there is something wrong with me that I cant accept their unacceptable behavior. So sick.
Sadly, your phone beeping intermittently is causing this viewer to see that you have not respected the 'therapy space' for your viewers. It's an unwanted intrusion and just thought you should know that when you are stating that your parents were not respectful of your boundaries this is an action that mimics that disrespect. Just a thoughtful and honest observation.
Wow thank you I feel like I don't know how I can do this on my own i have no education and am disabled with not enough money to get a place of my own i just realized if I don't leave I won't be alive to leave I am so thankful I found your videos I have been told to get therapy and have been frozen not knowing how to do anything on my own and I'm 63 😢😢
I am new to your content and have binged close to a dozen of your videos. All have been sooooo relatable and immensely helpful. I gavexa wonderful therapist who has guided me through EMDR, IFS and neurofeedback, among other healing strategies. But the additional content on your channel is an incredible, potentially life-saving resource. Please keep offering your wise and practical guidance!! Much Love from Canada XOXO
I am a man, 68y, I am HSP and diagnosed with c-PTSD(sexual abuse and bully), I guess I am reacting to your HSP radiance, normally, I am a analyst, rational and I keep my emotions in check; your voice and attitude touch me emotionally, what is quite surprising, surprising it happens to me, normally, I'm supposed to have a better control. When you speak about yourself, it makes me so angry, how can those people justify hurting others, especially sensitive others, "I feel hurt, so you have to suffer!", is that a justification? So, when I see people like you, suffering because you are to empathic, I am...angry. Anyway, thank you that you exist and share.
@@MD.orion1 I don't know if you ever have seen the expression from very angry small children, that evil face telling you:"I want to hurt you! hard!!!"Well, that feeling....and I am not a little child.
Thank you so much ! I have a similar story and am making it on my own with no back up and doing well , but I still have a fear of losing things , I thought I was the only one that had this fear . Thanks again for sharing😊
