15 SIGNS QUIET BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER | DR. KIM SAGE 

So true, it’s literal hell

I do this to, to myself & l am 57

How did you all get help?

none of the BPD women I have met, would ever admit there were anything wrong with them , the problem is everybody else

It's the victims I feel sorry for

This sounds like my wife. She was diagnosed with BPD about 11 years ago. I came to recognise that she has CPTSD. Sadly, after 10 1/2 years of marriage. She left. about a month ago. She was cutting almost everyone out of her life. she was deeply wounded. I sure hope she returns. She is a great blessing. She was having trouble with emotional control, after taking some medication for acid reflux.

​@theodoreturner5567 so sorry to hear that. It's almost impossible not to take that personally. But, the voice that comes with CPTSD tells you to trust nobody and detach from everyone. You have a constant battle going on in your head about rational decisions. I love my wife and friends. But, wish I had the strength just to walk away and be on my own. Its all about trying to avoid triggers.

Thank you!

Thank you were much, made my month.

I had a friend that I've known for 55+ years. She abandoned our "friendship" several times over the years. Finally put alot of distance in my soul from this person. 😊

it's treatable also watch moon phases (no joke)

Hang on there . I live with this disorder suffered horribly pushed everyone away I still alone but I’m okay now finally at 62 .

I feel you, that's what I always feel, never wake up again 😢

I have a friend with cPTSD and BPD that feels the same. She also has severe AUD. I'm hoping this resides bc no one asked for this.

I’m proof it does loosen its grip , I live with ptsd and adhd , I was older when I got these diagnosis . I didn’t learn to read or write until I was 50 yrs old . Somehow , I finished school and went on to college where I graduated there too . Not sure how I managed but I did it . In my later 40 s I might up with a sexual assault counsellor and that’s where my healing began it was hard work lots of crying ,pushing her away then begging her with my life not to leave . She stuck through and saw me through to a much better place . I still live a very isolated life but I’m here to talk about it . Feel free to ask me questions . I know the pain very well .

Thank you!!

You counted that out on your fingers??!!

I'm the same, if you hadn't done the timestamps, I would have done it. Also, dont know if it was mentioned, the 4 subtypes of which the quiet borderline is one subtype was invented by Theodore Millon. see here: Personality disorders in modern life pp.483 - 488 www.turkpsikiyatri.org/arsiv/personality.disorders.millon.pdf Also, I'm really taken with how Prof. Frank Yeomans breaks down the 9 criteria into 4 areas of difficulty, gives a better way to think about BPD: 1. Emotions 2. interpersonal relationships 3. Behaviours 4 Sense of self

Thanks a lot!

Thank you very much!!

To me this is also more like a normal reaction to how we were treated and what happened to us. Its logical. How could we have developed differently? And then we are being treated and seen for those results. Its a life sentence in my opinion. Never met a therapist strong enough and sharp enough who could handle it.

YES

Yes, they absolutely would ❤

Yes. I relate. ❤

I think the unfortunate part is...that we take those conditioned patterns, core wounds, and subsequently form cognitive distortions, negativity bias, confirmation bias, but have blindness to when we are looking through those lenses. We then act in self sabotaging ways, through self abandonment and self betrayal. We have to learn to hold space for, process, our feelings (with having learned emotional regulation before, and daily, to keep from setting ourselves totally off), and attend to ourselves in the way we needed. We need to drop the fantasy of someone rescuing us. We need to rescue ourselves. It's the wounded inner child that expects someone to come care for us. Unfortunately, this causes us to come across with wanting, needy energy, which will attract others who also haven't resolved their own trauma...and it doesn't go well. We have to absolutely reset our nervous system, not just learn the cognitive theories. It is possible. A lot of work. It helps us to remove some of the distortion, and we can approach communication, regarding needs and boundaries, cleanly (honestly, straightforward, with no passive aggressiveness) and soberly (emotionally regulated, with no angry rant). When we can show up for ourselves, have our own back, communicate in ways that are empowering, it is life changing.

I have a friend like this with cPTSD and BPD as well. I hope you heal. 🌸

BPD IS cPTSD. It's just been given a personality "disorder" label. Start researching and healing complex PTSD

@@rhiannonchaffer2588 I have both diagnoses, so that's news to me. Honestly, it just seems that way because there's so much layover between symptoms. They can be difficult to tell the difference. Not the same, however.

Did you ever cut people off because you felt they ‘wronged’ you or didn’t ‘value’ you? I’ve cut people off because I felt like they did something horrendous and I’ve just stopped talking to them cold turkey. I literally can’t see if it’s me or them

Felt

Honest question….for the partner that has this happen to them and trying to understand/consider whether or not they feel safe staying with their bpd partner who does this….would you say that what you feel those two days is understood by you as real or do you somewhere in your mind know you love that person and you just need to ride the wave of this emotion? My partner is not diagnosed but the bpd is pretty obvious and he has a lot of self awareness, 5yrs of therapy, 1 year of DBT and did amazing detailed homework and practice all before I even dated him. His therapist said he’s her hardest working client and favorite client. He is an incredible man and his episodes are infrequent due to all the hard work he has done, but as his partner, I’m struggling to understand his true feelings. He corrects it after the fact and seems extremely genuine and even explains that he knows the episodes come and he can’t trust his feelings. But to me, even if he comes back, it pains me that he might actually be feeling real anger and hate toward me in his heart as it seems someone who truly loves you couldn’t feel that way so easily. Is it the same as if a non bpd person can have moments of weakness from being tired and get irritable/upset but take a nap and realize whoah I was totally out of line?….but like x100 for the bpd person? Because to me that is something I can deal with, but not knowing if it’s a genuine love and he could easily actually really hate me and believe it’s real seems a lot different and that I don’t want to be put through.

This just happened to me. finally seeing the broken parts of myself reflected off another and it’s terrifying. Like they’re the only person I can’t hide it all from..

There is no recession

Mary, Can you tell me a little more about this fear of “abandoning of yourself” for others? Is it almost like people pleasing?

Well done I've been in therapy for 15 years myself for my own challenges with my family. This stuff does not get better. If we don't do the work. ultimately, it wasn't my fault that it happened to me but I'm responsible for treating it.

That's a great realization. Really matches my experience, too!

@@Bucephalus84 There is. And out of all the personality disorders BPD is the most treatable. You have to get off your bum and put the work in though. And that work can be very painful and take a long time. But its worth it.

I’m a momma to four boys and I feel every single word you typed. I feel like the spiraling on my own shame is getting worse- it’s a lonely and scary place to be. Know you’re not alone 💜

I was labelled borderline and had my daughter taken away because of it. You're lucky; I haven't seen her since she was 3.

I hate to say this, but don’t tell anyone except a mental health professional.

@@msmltvcktlomg, I agree and commented not to tell a soul! Parents think they have rights, but terrible things can happen. And I’m sorry this happened to you. ❤

My mother is the same. Now that I see the big picture, she is most likely a classic BPD, she would lash out and regret is later, trying to make up for it. I rarely knew what I did wrong. My father is most likely a grandiose narcissist. I have quiet BPD. It's almost a cliche.

@@AssumptionEmptydefinitely cliché

Maybe don’t worry too much about “normal”! and the perhaps resulting discomfort in being distant from it. Instead it’s enough to navigate the best you can to being healthy in yourself.

A lot of "I's" here. Your disorder is also harmful to others. The reason I say this is because my personal experience. I have ben very much hurt by a BPD persons. I never met one who in fact knew they had the disorder, and was therefore well aware that it also involves hurting others. In other words: people who know they have bpd are too little aware what it does to others. I know, this is my frustration and i can seek out help for it.

The primary person I hurt is myself, which then affects others. ​whatever hurt you have received is a very small part of the hurt that is self inflicted by the person with BPD. @internetgevalletje

Yeah i have that tought many times. But im literally an only child and diagnosed with an auto immune disease...so...i wish sometimes i wont survive my parents. Its complicated...and i know theres something up with me. I acted like an explosive border in my teens then more like a quiet one...but i also have autistic traits. Im so confused. I didnt get any diagnosis from any of the therapists i went to. But now im going after it. I need my mind stable to deal with my weak health

Hey Ozark Mountain Girl! Totally understand. Keep working on yourself thru these educational videos! I get where your at. Your location and the struggle. Sending you healing thoughts. YOU got this!

Hi I am treating myself bc 30 years of cbt (talk therapy) hasn't made enough of a difference. DBT is working better! So these videos and DBT for Dummies (lol) has been helpful! Hope you find some systems for relief. Take care!

@@cko8643 Thank you. Blessings to you.

@@BobbiGail Thank you. I hope what you're doing is working for you, too. It's a struggle for sure.

There is something called trauma based cognitive behaviour therapy, i think for ppl with ptsd or traumas that still bleed. You are not alone ❤

💜

Bpd doesn't always develop because of abuse. It's absolutely commonly developed because of abuse, but not always.

Difficult if you are on the receiving end, to say the least.

I totally agree.

If you are a narcissist you'd know, from my understanding if you seek help you'll find out... All the best

Complete Torture! Awful way to go through this life. 😢

@@Lilynite10 I'm here if you need to talk. I'm quickly realizing, maybe the only people who may get you are other BPD people. It's a tortuous existence. Especially when you are waiting to get help because of wait times.

@@quantumlyricist thanks. Yeah might take you up on it. I already did DBT had no impact on me. They changed my diagnosis to C-PTSD & now ADHD too so my mind is literally melted. I’m left with zero friends. So alone I can barely stand up some days. 🥲

@@Lilynite10 Similar position to you. My medicine isn't working, in fact it knocked me into a mood. But seeing a 'specialist' takes a while. Regular practitioner is trying, but they aren't an expert at comorbility stuff with mental health.

@@quantumlyricist yeah co-morbidity is the worst. So hard to heal.

There is a MASSIVE overlap with BPD, CPTSD, and Autism in a venn diagram. I turned out to just be a WILDLY traumatized autistic kid with CPTSD, nothing borderline about me even if I had tendencies and fleas from my mom.

I personally think you probably always had CPTSD and were misdiagnosed for the longest time, which is no wonder as diagnosing was less accurate back in the day and as there is such massive overlap. I do also think that there is a hope for recovery or at least some alleviation of the symptoms because they're mostly caused by trauma. And if you're able to heal your trauma, you will start to lose symptoms.

I've heard that BPD can actually improve for some people over time to the point that there are no symptoms. In a way that doesn't make sense because it's a personality disorder, after all. Maybe it is a misdiagnosis in cases like yours? Either way, yay! My older sister was diagnosed with BPD in the 80s and she has never improved, sadly. But she's never had any treatment beyond her initial diagnosis for a s attempt. Our mother mistook the word "borderline" to mean "almost", as in she almost has a personality disorder, so she never got her help. Honestly my mom seems BPD too. I was 9 and saw my sister in the bathroom screaming with messed up wrists. That's when she went away for a month or so.

Can you share which types of therapy were most effective and which concepts helped the most to focus on?

To me, the real benefit in getting a "correct" diagnosis is just having guidance for effective treatment and tools. So, if you learn about and try modalities that can help with BPD, cPTSD, OCD, and whatever other possible diagnoses you might qualify for, you're on the right path even if you never get a "correct" diagnosis. Because the DSM really only looks at symptoms, not causes, and so many mental health symptoms overlap, not every treatment is going to work for every single thing that could cause a similar symptom. Good luck!

Thinking you might find DBT helpful. Marsha Linehan was the developer and has a workbook that I believe you'd love.

@@cindyc hi Cindy, I wasn’t looking for recommendations. I have found IFS and SE to be the most helpful :) thank you though!

There is a massive overlap between CPTSD, Autism, BPD and OCD in a venn Diagram. Just give yourself time friend

​@@ericazubris for real?

I've thought I had quiet bpd for a long time but I started attributing all of the symptoms you mentioned to a disorganized attachment instead because of the complexities.

​@@catiee5501does your traits only come out in relationships? Could that mean its only an attachment style thing? Or is your mood up and down from other type of stimuli? Idk if i even make sense. Im trying to understand myself too. ❤

Being told I'm a good human or someone is proud of me for some little thing is joyful though 😮

I’m very tired atm so my effort is lame; reading your comment, it struck me that you write in very much the same beautiful lyrical engaging and clever style as I do when properly writing (not now obvs). Do you think eig skilful with words is a side benefit of QBPD. I do, to protect myself from being too involved or in the moment, I much prefer to write in FB Messenger e.g. Not using the phone. People used to get pussed off at how much I write but when you make it so beautiful they can’t complain and you receive affirmation.when I am writing, is the only time I am laser focused and at peace. Anybody else have this experience?

@@rachelwoolleylamb7017 I've had a love of reading from early childhood. I think I just enjoy the use of language to convey passion and intent. It may be that it is a broad occurrence across a lot of QBPD. That said, I always prefer to express myself via written word over verbal interaction. I have a knack for saying some reasonably horrible things in ways that are comical enough to make the target or person I am talking to laugh when speaking verbally, but it still gets me into a lot of trouble. Writing I at least get to purposefully tone down or lighten my points. [I have a meeting about giving criticism from 'a place of caring' next week as some of the people I supervise feel I am too cruel in my assessment of their not being able to do their jobs.]

OMG! I didn't do anything to my boyfriend and he broke up with me. 😢 All I told him was that I was busy and we could hang out later that night. However, later that night he broke up with me. When I asked why he said to retaliate against me because I told him I was busy and couldn't hang out till later that night. Wtf? I'm pissed as hell cause he's ALWAYS does this shit. What am I supposed to do? 💔😭

Yikes. That's a new one for me! I've literally never heard anything like this. Talk about unprofessional on his part.

either bpd or some attachment style or both to a degree in bpd people are so scared of abandonment that scan face and on minimal grimas think somebody is sad or angry and they fear breaking and pain so much they break themselves before that person even give any real reason for this it's needed to learn trusting again, like a pessimist to see things realistically not with bias emotional central is weaker in these conditions so requires more work on self-control and selfawareness but it's all treatable and trainable notebook with noting mood scale daily helps you see patterns and can predict next wave coming

Same

Thank you for being here💗

@@DrKimSagethank you for such a clear explanation. What kind of Dr do I need to see? I’m in Fairfax Virginia

you want to listen to gamergg guy also psychiatrist, search here

one and the same, ofc trauma related, ofc needs to address causes but in modern medicine usually causes are last to be addressed

I have an American staffy now & he is my shadow. In regards to Our "Rights" we are promised by our government since pre-school age . "guilty "or "not guilty" in the laws of the Justice System , all depends on how much money you have in your purse, bank account. It's been happening for decades, to millions of Victims. and we're all supposed to smile as we bend over and take it up ass, and smile and say dont worry about the lube!!😉

IT is important. I was lucky enough to write a diary since I was 10 and although I never wrote psychological issues in early age - there is clear pattern of specific verbal abuse. For example I cut my micro pony tail because as I wrote "others teased by that i look like sissy girl". So this is obvious red flag of toxic ambient which is homophobic, intrusive, shameful and abusing anything that looks different from the given norm. Also after I discovered complex trauma term in past 2, 3 years - I was able to notice micro-aggression - which is another term that CBT never explained that existed - so I never had an opportunity to spot it in daily life. This way I spot the verbal abuse from people close to me - such as accusing me of things which are outside of my control and even scapegoating me for anything that goes wrong and being blamed for doing what I was told to do in the first place a few months earlier - now became a crime to commit (for example to use certain pottery for special lunch events). I would never notice there before with ableist CBT which is doing incredible psychological damage to anyone seeking genuine help.

Since you mentioned the word spiritual...being a very moody and undiagnosed individual i can tell you ...God made my life better. Everything might be messed up that i find a way to go to Church and praying calms me down. Im way more functional. Just my input.

I only know case of finding attachment condition not noticing bpd. these things overlay in many elements or can coexist. So wrong diagnosis can be troublesome or actually point the searched direction