Pffft, that list of people ain’t listening to anything that interferes with their purpose, which is to be paid to manage things they have no business managing.
@@rockstarofredondo right! The judge and opposing counsel in my child's custody case were major players in the damage that's been caused to my children. I think opposing counsel could've taught this class too, as he's got the play by play down and I'm pretty sure he's coached his client/the other parent in attempts to narcissisticaly abuse me thru emails. Thank God I'm a strong and stubborn parent who will not give up; and it's led me to finding Dr. Childress as well as Dr. Ramani and other amazing resources!!!! Stay strong, persistent, and loving all you parents going through this!!
UPDATED COMMENT: how about he gets his head out his ass and stops talking horsesh!t? the non-resident parent is a narcissist and is the alienator? really? do this so called expert actually understand the purpose of PA? it isnt done by the non-resident parent to attack the resident parent, its done by the resident parent who has the child already to effect a 'clean break' from the non resident parent. as a way of cutting all ties with the no longer desired parent. I know my wife was involved with another man and broke her vows and took my son with her and her new man, turning my children against me after a series of false allegations which have never been proven because they are false, this Dr needs to be shamed for his comments not applauded. UPDATE: I accept I got this guy wrong and retract my earlier comment above. I leave my initial comment here to show what I said for openness and clarity. I apologise for my misunderstanding.
@@Gen_XGal talking poorly of others is a way to make one-self appear more knowledgeable, and he goes on and on about narcissistic personalities oh the irony.
This is the first time in over 38 years I’ve heard someone give clinical voice to the nightmare that my 5 children and I, the alienated parent, are suffering through. My ex wife alienated our children from her own mother and any of her family members who sympathized with me or tried to tell her she was wrong. I have never lost hope or faith in God for a resolution but there have been many times of doubt, discouragement and pain. I could never fully explain this issue to anyone and felt totally powerless except for my underlying faith in God to bring truth to light.
How do we remedy ? I am the alienated parent. I know my children love me , but we . All sile try suffer. I will do anything to cure this . Is there anyone I can talk to or can I talk to this man ?
I'm so sorry that you have been subjected to this terrible phenomenon. My daughter is finding some light since her ex has passed away and the children are maturing and gaining the ability to recognize what they were subjected to. Recovery is in the works, expecting that to take years of counseling.
Ive never thought that this was something more kids had to go through, as a child when my mom wasn’t allowed to see me by court order my father would tell me she was coming to pick me up so i would sit by the front door waiting for my mom all day just for her to never show up so my dad could give me a long lecture on how horrible of a mother she was.. it’s sickening knowing that there are so many parents out there that do this to their children and imbed such disgusting things into our naive minds. Even as an adult im still unraveling everything i went through and trying not to let it affect me but it still does. I hope every kid who had to go through this knows that they aren’t alone and not to feel guilty for how you felt as a kid you didn’t know any better just what you were being told.
@@tannislintz1124that is what happened to me. The narc father lied so well the judge gave him sole custody when he really should have been award supervised visitation. He got another lawyer to write something that terminated my visitation and I couldn’t find anyone that understood what to do. I couldn’t afford any more legal fees. I haven’t seen my son since he was 2. 10 years ago.
Studies need to be done for all us parents who have been dealing with this for our children. These kids now reaching 30 are so damaged. These narcs are sadistic. So selfish.
The problem is that the narcissist are very well believed. They are very charming. Remember, they got you too. So, how do ppl know who the one is telling the truth. Unfortunately, people are amused with people who have charm.
I think i've been exposed to this but Im only jut learning about this terminology and havent quite wrapped my head around it. Would you be so kind to spell it out for me as an adult who lived in these circumstances?
Man I had two borderline narcissistic parents who both had childhood attachment trauma who divorced when I was young. Im 48 and I'm only successfully navigating and understanding this fully now! It's RU-vid counselling for me 👍
that sounds similar to my situation, although ive only just identified attachment trauma as a diagnosis. Might i trouble you to share a few more links you found helpful on this topic?
Dr. Childress, you are absolutely amazing. Thank you! I'm mind blown at the facts that judges are not educated in this devastating topic to so very many.
This information should be on the desks of every family judge, GAL, mediator, professional counselor, psychologist and on accessible in bookstores and Amazon. This is HUGE.
I am extremely impressed. I am so relieved that this level of expertise is available. I have 1,000 "s of hours on the tube and in all kinds of books.This Dr is hitting all the nails in sight and NOT in sight!
Wow! I can't believe I just found this. Exactly what happened to me. I didn't realize the depth of his sicknesses. Very complicated, but I know this had to be the cause of my ex-husband's alienating my girls from me. I know his father was abusive and definitely Narcissistic. I've been dealing with this for 8yrs. Praying for my girls. They are really wrapped up in it.
I lived this nightmare as a kid growing up. My mother did everything in her power to make us hate our dad. I never understood until one day God showed me what had happened. Luckily I was able to talk to my dad openly about it by the time I was in my 40s and I made amends. At the time he had married another narcissist/borderline who tried to do it to him again! I could clearly see what she was doing and didn't fall into the trap. I'm grateful that I "woke up" but I definitely suffer from an attachment disorder. I've spend the past 12 years (I'm in my late 50s now) seriously working on the dysfunctional behaviors I learned growing up. I deliberately didn't get married or have children trying to break the cycle. But I see the pattern playing out again with my sister. It's heartbreaking because I can see what my dad went thru from another perspective. For anyone out there living this nightmare as a parent, some of us kids do eventually see the truth! I will say tho that my brother and sister still drink the proverbial koolaid of my mother's. And I was the enemy because I loved my father but I didn't care. He was normal and she most definitely is not.
Your message made me think of my daughter. It’s so good you’re engaged in healing. My daughter was induced to this by her father and I believe has an insecure attachment even though we reconciled over many years; After going to live with him at 18! Yet is still anxious with me, wants to keep it superficial and not do the work of healing. She enjoys getting encouraging texts from me, is kind of child-like but successful in her work. I’m afraid she will repeat patterns in her family and may suffer consequences like I did from her children or otherwise.
A. Zippier Media would appreciate input from people who are suffering from parental alienation. ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-IbrSFzgRti4.html
0:00 - Introduction 1:18 - High Conflict Divorce and PA 2:20 - PAS Paradigm - Theoretical Foundations 3:20 - Gardner Model as a Failed Paradigm 5:58 - Reformulating PA within and Attachment-Based Model 10:30 - 3 Levels of Analysis within Attachment/Family Systems Model 12:38 - Cross-Generational Parent Child Coalition/Triangulation 15:40 - The equivalency of the Narcissistic and Borderline Dynamics 17:20 - Narcissistic/Borderline Decompensation into Delusions 19:53 The Narcissistic/Borderline Dynamic - Coping with Anxiety 22:30 - Child as a ‘Regulating Other’ and Alienating Parent’s Attachment System 24:50 - Re-enactment of Attachment Trauma by the Alienating Parent 30:40 - Projection of Intense Anxiety of the Alienating Parent 31:36 - Inducing the Child to Internalize the “Abused Victim” Role 40:20 - Suppression of the Child’s Attachment System 43:00 - Psychotic/Delusional Psychopathology - Decompensation 47:02 - Pathogenic Parenting: 3 Reliable Symptoms in the Child 49:30 - Criterion I: Attachment System Suppression 53:35 - Criterion II: Narcissistic Symptom Display in the Child 57:50 - Criterion III: Existence of a Persecutory Delusional Belief 1:00:17 - Definitive Diagnostic Evidence for Pathogenic Parenting 1:01:08 - DSM Diagnosis 1:01:57 - Psychological Chid Abuse and Child Protection Issues 1:03:15 - Specialized Therapeutic Interventions / “Special Population” 1:09:30 - Professional Competence and Ethical Practice Standards 1:12:00 - Therapy - Family Systems Level 1:12:47 - Therapy - Personality Disorder Level 1:13:13 - Therapy - Attachment System Level 1:13:38 - Pathogenic Parenting as Psychological Child Abuse 1:14:10 - Therapy: Attachment and the Misattribution of Grief 1:20:30 - The 4 Phases of Therapy & Protective Separation 1:26:00 - Recovering Child’s Self-Authenticity - Metabolizing Grief 1:29:00 - Restoring the Relationship with The Targeted Parent 1:30:05 - Reintroduction of the Pathogenic Parent 1:31:50 - References and Scholarly Citations 1:31:56 - Contact Information 1:33:20 - Q&A
I have listened to this four times now. Have taken copious notes. Have stopped, looked-up particular terms, then continued. This is SIMPLY OUTSTANDING. Thank you, Dave Jones.
It's compelling, but only for people that love absolutes and verbose delivery. It doesn't stand for long in the close scrutiny of the nuanced lives of individuals living this struggle, it's a clinical psychology stick-book of pidgeon holing for model integrity. I'm not sure this guy has ever connected empathically with anyone, almost definitely not a woman.
Alienated parent here in Australia! ALL our systems here, therapy and legal systems are so far behind on this! I pray your teachings reach them here! 🙏 Thank you for your work 💝
Try yor luck with child welfare. Their model is based on parental alienation. Their first job is to distance the child from the parent, in an effort to break the parental bonds. They are dictatorial tyrants who do not have the best interests of the child as a starting point. That is the official narrative, but in practice, they act in their own best interests (child theft and abduction for profit).
“Things, once defined, don’t change.” -DrChildress He’s right. 14 years I’m living everything Childress says in this presentation. This explains everything. I’ll never ask my age old question again, “why don’t my kids speak to me?” I knew why but now I know why.
What if you can afford a specialist, but you know the other parent is narcissistic, I tried to save my son from abuse but they said I coerced him but I did not. The father was an LASD Security officer. He was fired in 2015 on 7 counts of sexual harassment. but continued to lie 2 years after he was fired to the judge under direct questioning by the judge. He sexually assaulted me in 2014. It was his word against mine. They dropped it., What do I do.
Dr Childress you are a living legend, a God send. I cant thank you enough, you've hit the nail on the head 100%. Champion!!!! This information will help millions of families now & in years to come ;)
Amen Amen Amen..........he is brilliant,an Angel sent to earth with a great mission!!!! We need to be his messengers in every way possible. Lives are hanging in the balance!!.......God Bless!!
Holy smokes, the Q&A was spot on. My father beat the pants off of my older brother all the time, likely because he resisted his influence. I saw that happen, and, being a child, I became enmeshed with my dad, and was effectively alienated. I am 37, and am just now starting to understand myself. The narcissistic and borderline traits were instilled in me. I hope this approach is gaining momentum in the psychiatric community. It should be standard practice. I wonder how many families have been successfully treated
While you were witnessing that happen to your older brothers you were being subjected to the most severe form of emotional abuse which exists. That same kind of violence and severe emotional abuse can happen when many people are being forced to witness the same happening to distant relatives too can span across the globe in more dramatic forms because of the severe pathology of the narcissistic people in unhealthy marriage or in unhealthy divorce.
I raised such a son of divorce. He is now 33 and cannot allow himself to love me. His father holds him hostage, emotionally and financially. I thank you for making this clear. Thank you for your brilliance and commitment to sharing.
You are an amazing person Dr.Childress.. My daughter is 7 years old and has been showing the indicators you speak of since around 4 years old. I am in the middle of litigation at the moment; your viewpoints and understanding of the subject have helped me keep a level head and combat the alienation with a level of compassion that I would have not had if I had not listened to these lectures. Thank you.
I believe that this is the future of parent child development courses to be recognized or required for any adult interactions with all professionals, teachers Dr's
I am 38 years old. I've spent my entire life trying to figure out what's wrong with my family while they tried to tell me what's wrong with me. I have a degree in psychology, of addictions. I've spent a life spent feeling like I don't matter. And that everything's my fault I'm still at 38 years old blamed for things that happen when I was a child. This video is the first time I've ever heard anybody explained exactly what I already knew the clinical form. Hey Kitty with secret right now I wish that I could explain this I've tried my whole life just knowing that somebody is be able to see that mothers like this exist. It's the most validating thing I've ever felt in my entire life. It is impossible for me to emphasize the severity of this validation. Today is the first time in my life that I know there is a human being alive capable of comprehending the horrific reality I've been experiencing Completely ALONE. I've spent my entire life figuring this out, I learn new nightmare corners of the depth of my.mothers ability to disregard me as a human being. The cruelty she can STILL INTENTIONALLY inflict upon me to not just hurt me, but to make herself, feel better. That's evil. That is what evil is. I do not believe human.launguage and emotional intellegence has yet evolved to provide me with words, heavy enough, to truly explain what it feels like to hear what they have been forced to conclude when those conclusions they've reached, sound so demented and impossible. THIS IS THE WORST ABUSE A CHILD CAN EXPERIENCE. I COULD NOT EVER SAY THAT LOUD ENOUGH. THIS PARENT, IS A MONSTER. A REAL MONSTER. AND THEY TRAIN US, AND BREAK US INTO BEING THEIR PERSONAL SCAPEGOAT, WHIPPING POST, AND OBJECT, YES OBJECT, TO REDIRECT THIER HATE, FEAR, PAIN, DISGUST, AND ABUSE. And they do not love you. They can't. Or they couldn't destroy you every chance they can.....and they do. Thank you
U are so loved and valuable. This is coming from a loving Mom of 2sweet girls. I'm so sorry for what you went through. I just want to give you a hug and make it all better. This is what most loving Mom's feel towards children and adults who are hurting. Sending you prayers 🙏 and love 💓 your way.
FINALLY... a therapist who GETS it! This is by far the most comprehensive discussion about PAS I've heard. MUCH needed! Should be required input for all therapists involved with kids. There's an org in my town called "Kids in the Middle" specifically aimed at kids of divorce, and they have apparently NO clue about PAS, meaning in many cases they actually do more harm than good. Actually therapists in general who are uneducated on this topic seems to be the norm. VERY few GET it, and so they exascerbate the problem out of ignorance. THX Dr. Childress. Get this message OUT!
All therapists need this education. We have had so many and all failed and caused more pain. None of them listen to me. Lawyers have done so much damage.
I must commend DR CRAIG CHILDRESS on this excellent and highly clinical video lecture. Too many children of all ages, especially adult children are suffering. One of the best commendable comments in this video was: THE STRESSOR FOR CHILDREN IN A HIGH CONFLICT DIVORCE IS NOT THE DIVORCE...IT IS THE STRESS OF LIVING WITH THE NARCISSISTIC BORDERLINE ALIENATING PARENT. WE NEED TO STAND UNITED TO STOP THE PAINFUL SUFFERING THAT CHILDREN GET CAUGHT IN THEIR PARENTS HIGH CONFLICT DIVORCE
I'm watching this in 2018. This is the first time I'm hearing of this. This is 100%! This needs to be a bigger discussion!! Children are losing their loving parents!! This is why we have a mental health crisis right now!! This is why kids are shooting up schools! Our parents need help! And even more, our children need help!!!
Yes they are I'm one of those loving parents I cant say it dont get better once the kids do those 5 things to cut you out I just had the 5 one do it to me it has been sense my son's birthday last year and my daughter and my son told me out of the blue they would call the cops on me if I came around when a Month prior my daughter was at my home getting my approval of her boyfriend it's always like this
As a layperson intimately effected by this relational dynamic, I find this knowledge incredibly helpful in managing difficult situations that without this understanding was entirely much to overwhelming to cognitively process. Thank-you for all your efforts in establishing greater awareness towards preserving a child's natural need for love & support for both parents or at best, full custody is awarded to the higher functioning parent.
I keep saying to myself, "How can this be?" How can these very specific behaviors that Dr. Childress is talking about here, be so spot on close to what my family has gone through? And then I read other people's comments, and I see so many saying exactly what I said when I first started watching the Dr.'s videos, which is, "...you hit the nail right on the head!" Very interesting that these particular personality disorders have such a distinct MO within the divorced family dynamic. Things didn't end well for me or my grown son, who's been addicted to drugs since he was 15, but I pray that all this good work that the doctor has done gets out to the general public, and maybe at the very least people will think twice before having children with these damaged people.
Watching this video 4 years ago was the first step in identifying my husband’s behavior as abusive to me AND to our children. My children are now both young adults. They hardly have any contact at all with their father, and that is by their choice. Any parent who does this to their child is demonstrating a clear willingness to harm their own children just to punish the other parent. I believe PAS is an instinctual response that improves survival odds for children with one pathological parent. They can afford to piss off the loving parent because that parent will never harm them. The stakes are much higher with the pathological parent, who represents a very real threat to the lives and safety of the children. Staying in their good graces is necessary for survival. Always remember that your child is doing what they need to do to survive, and know that it hurts them even more to treat you poorly than it hurts you to be on the receiving end of it. My youngest admitted just last week to still carrying a lot of guilt for siding with her father years ago when all this was happening. Accept that you will lose time with them now. But know that as long as everyone makes it out alive, you will only be shut out until they’re free of the tyrant.
soon to be therapist, studied BPD & NPD, attachment, a good deal, Awesome how put together this is, I see this clearly new and will inform colleagues. thank you!
Anton Feriozzi - are you a practising therapist now? And if so, do you realise that Dr Childress does workshops to train up therapists in AB-PA? Please look into this, if I recall correctly, the 'training' that he does (I think it's a workshop type training) covers maybe 2 or 3 days, after which the therapist receives some kind of (certification maybe - or certainly some kind of qualification that distinguishes you as having completed training to work with parental alienation cases). There is a HUGE need for this, and while Dr Childress has already trained up some therapists through his special workshops to be able to handle Parental Alienation cases, the numbers of those he has trained is still very very small (I think he has, to date, only trained a handful). Please please look into doing one of these special workshops with Dr Childress, and gaining the certification for it - tens of thousands of parents in the USA, and many more hundreds of thousands around the world, are crying out for help from therapists trained in Parental Alienation, particularly in Dr Childress's AB-PA therapist workshops. !!!!!!!
Thank you Dr. Childress for putting a vocabulary to my experience over the past 3 years. I cried out loud when you spoke about the subtlety of the mental manipulation that goes on. I no longer need wonder where my oldest daughter's hostility and judgmental comments toward me are coming from. This has been going on in my home for two decades. Every little detail, right down to my child's NPD/borderline symptoms and delusional thinking. And yes, my oldest child is the one most effected by these circumstances. Now that I understand what's happening, WHERE DO I BEGIN?
I’m sorry you went through that with your oldest daughter and I hope things are well between you and your oldest child. I don’t usually throw comments out there on RU-vid but I am in dire need of help. My sisters are going through some hard times with their ex husbands and I’m losing my nieces one by one. The oldest niece of mine no longer talks to my family do to what her father embedded in her brain leading her to turn against us I am a Uncle and I have no children of my own but I look at my nieces like they are mine. I’m at the point where I have to step in and do something before I lose them all. But I don’t wanna step over my boundaries either and cause more damage that has already been done what their fathers have created.
I apologize if it took me a while to respond on how things are going but just do some things up. It’s a fucking shit show. There is so much stuff going on that I have no idea where to start. I feel absolutely bad for my sisters right now they did not deserve this and they do not deserve to be treated like this from their ex-husband and their daughters although their daughters are being manipulated. I won’t be surprised if I never see them again and as a Uncle that’s been around them since they were little babies and they told me they look up to me as a father that breaks my heart and the only thing I can do right now is support my sisters and be patient and find out what’s going to happen in court i’ll be there testifying on behalf of my sister.
As a child I experienced this by my narcissistic mother, I always hated my Dad growing up and wanted him to disappear, but I never understood why. When I wanted my mother’s attention I knew to say something bad about Dad and that became the only way I felt loved and accepted by her. At the age of 35 I finally see it for what it really is. My Dad and I have a close and fulfilling relationship now. However, with my own children I am watching it play out with my son as I have been targeted by my narcissistic husband. Not only that, but I can see how his Mother did the same thing to him, they share the delusion that I am the “bad abusive parent” even though he is literally a monster. Everything is cloaked in his delusion of “protecting his son” and the cycle is continuing. I am desperate to help my 6 year old Son and prove to the courts what is happening as we are currently in a high conflict custody battle. This video has validated everything for me. Thank you.
I’m sorry. My ex left the kids alone when they were young but started to mind eff them once they hit the teens. The sadistic creep told me exactly what he was going to do when I said I was going to divorce him and you’ll find out a lot on these boards where parents will tell you what I just said that the sadistic narcissistic parent literally told them that they would take the kids away. If I could give you one piece of advice it would just be love yourself find your God whatever that is and don’t let go because you’re going to need it.
I am an adult child of PAS. It was not a parent that caused the trauma. Everything you stated resonates except for the cause. It was a woman that my father allowed into our home that did all the damage to our family. My Dad is a psychologist and has had a private practice for decades. He is still with the one who emotionally and psychologically abused me. My mother was blamed for causing the problems when the one he is with is the one pulling all the strings and using all the abuse.. It would be years before I could get through the confusion. I was recently re-victimized by Dad when after decades of silence I revealed the childhood trauma I endured with this horrible woman he is still enmeshed with. I had a Dad for fourteen years and she successfully ended the relationship I had with my Father and he has never returned. He defends her and accused me of lying when I told him the truth about my lifetime of suffering.
Wow ! I can confirm everything he says, as a child who was subjected to this manipulation. It's like he's recounting what I went through, frame by frame. As a result, I have avoidant attachment.
+GeorgiFra My ex wife has been doing this to our kids. I was familiar with PAS, but this video really hit the nail on the head and explains how my kids could treat me the way they do.
Try an experienced EMDR therapist for the attachment issues. I'm so sorry, also grateful to hear from you. I wish more survivors among the children would speak up.
@Georgi Fran I'm like you and lived thru the nightmare of my narcissistic borderline mother working tirelessly to turn us kids against our dad. She was successful but when I reached my 40s I realized the truth. Since then I've been working hard on the dysfunctional patterns I learned growing up. This video really hit home for me and has made me realize that it is time to work on my own attachment issues that definitely lean towards avoidant also. Thankfully I was able to reconnect with my dad and have distanced myself from my psycho mother.
This is the BEST video on narcissistic parental alienation. Thank you for posting! It describes with clarity the tactics and treatment to deal with this insidious form of child abuse.
This video came up while I was sleeping and almost to the DAY 4 years after a guy came into my life that abused me to the point of near death. I have read books and watched videos for 4 years trying to grasp what the hell the problem was and NOTHING have explained how he could have schizophrenia and covert narcissism plus being so angry, but this. I just woke up with this in my earphones and it all fits perfectly. Unfortunally I live in sweden where psychologists doesnt seem to be educated within this so he will live his life as a schizophrenic as many others, without any functioning relationships except for with his sibblings and I am badly damaged from the abuse but this information helped me be able to close my questions and thoughts about it. I am finally free! THANK YOU! ❤️
@@kingsagenda I've been through the court many times , all social service, local authorities , attorneys and the one who responsible for making any recommendations to the judge attacks me and try to present me as a dv perpetrator. I'm fighting PA way before separation with my ex. Alienation happening much earlier than we think , it's done behind our back , sometimes it's done in front of you but you don't recognize it because you do not have any idea that someone you love may actually do it to you and the child. separation and court orders it's culmination to destroying bonds between child and non custodial parent. it's no way that the system will change. they do listen to child opinion but not investigating any further. They also are afraid to take any action toward alienator as this may backfire them , so they put themselves in the same line of defence as ( in most cases) custodial parent. maybe if there was some psychologist from other area that is not related in any form with parents , judges or anybody from both representatives. placed in the room with child where both parents can see how the interview is managed. from my experience, they always ask child the same questions, it's no rocket science children knows how to answer to them. It's very hard to find changes if noone want to do anything about it.
I'm an adult child victim of parental alienation. Please try to talk to a therapist who maybe able to advise your child. I am in complicated grief since 2010. It's horrible. I blame my unawareness. It's all over but the crying. Good luck. My whole life flashed before my eyes. He was the good parent trying all the time.
@@kingsagenda it’s their job to continue the dysfunction because without it, they are not needed, especially the social workers. It is in their best interest to deny the truth or they stop getting the paycheck.
Jaw on the floor... FINALLY, an explanation!! I was previously too triggered as the targeted parent to get thru this, but with some personal growth and perspective, digesting this explanation became possible. Wow! Just, wow!
Unbelievable to have someone describe this so perfectly. Helps me make sense of what is happening. The disrespect and hate coming from a child that once loved so unconditionally is shocking. It leaves you feeling like you have done something wrong, until you realize they are taking on the feelings of the alienating parent. The entitlement and subsequent harsh judgement of the alienated parent is very prominent.
You have no idea what this means to myself, my children, and many many other families in the world. Being the targeted parent myself I now continue to be with adult children. And although I understood this I could never put it into these amazing words. I pray this gets put to use in every aspect of children- split parenting situations to avoid further situations trickling down over and over with the hope of diminished narsistic disorders in people. Thank you thank you on behalf of myself and future families who may benefit from this teaching.
I have a case like this right now. Thankfully we have a good Judge. Trial is coming up and prep work is exhaustive. This video helped me psych up for it.
Wow!! I have been praying for someone who ‘gets’ it for many years now! You are sent from God to all of us struggling parents. May you be blessed in your life and practice 🙏💙
If I could only apply the term genius to one piece of work for the whole of human history this would be it. Thank you sir, you have described my last 16 years as a father. I hope one day my son will be able to see your work and allow you to repair his life. This LITERALLY took my breath away describing my son and his mother.
Because I normally attribute these actions to males, because I believe it is more often the case, I want to tell you that I am so sorry you have experienced this and I say this as a strong feminist. Your words though brief, are so credible.
We take o so much pain helplessly witnessing this. We need to all offer each other support. With education, we can easily learn to spot each other, currently. When the narc finds a twisted way to mimic us, I will be curious about how this ages. They probably won’t really be able to do this because it takes sacrifices that these people probably are much too fragile to offer on a reliable basis.
Thank you so much Dr. Childress. You have opened my mind beyond belief with this and your previous vid re PAS. I'm the targeted parent. But I've studied an awful lot over past two years on NPD. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your amazing vid. Thank you. Much appreciation.
I know it sounds crazy, but I learned all this observing my own life, and have been changing lives by warning my friends and teaching them these signs.
At last, someone to give a balanced view of Parental Alienation. As a mother cut off from her two sons for over five years, it's a pain I feel every minute of every day. Yet, many women who claim their children are victims of sexual abuse by a father and need protection from him, reject the application of the term and favour the ungainly phrase of DV by Proxy. They identify false diagnosis of alienating parents as a direct cause of loss of custody of their children to the alleged sexual abusers. Even in cases where medical evidence supports claims of sexual abuse, protective mothers have still lost custody due to accusations they are alienating children. However, poor diagnosis and disastrous results from this should not prevent our understanding of parental alienation and our acceptance that it is widespread. I am one among many (possibly thousands) of good, loving parents around the world who have been cruelly cut off from their children. What is worse, I find no one will help. There is no legal help and no psychological support for alienated parents.
Thanks for your comment Clare. You are the first Mum I've heard of who is the victim of this. I see that your post was a couple of years ago. Have things improved at all for you and your kids? I hope so. Your comment is helpful for me to learn that this is not just an issue where men get the abuse so thanks. M
Yes, you are right. It is untrue that this is primarily caused by mothers. It is mostly narcissist parents who do this. I'm a mother and I've had a maniac AND his narcissistic. wealthy family (AND the corrupt legal system) alienate my children from me. Nothing that has ever happened to me compares to this pain, and when I think of how it hurts my children, subconsciously, my blood boils. This is barbaric, and Childress is right: this is psychological abuse. See also the blog from Karen Woodall in the UK for very intelligent discussion of this horrifying abuse.
Exactly what is happening to me, I have had my abuser and his new supporting and jealous overinvolved, new partner, both come after my daughter, when after years of raising my daughter alone w/o support, and being disabled, I was encouraged to go for child support...I was in great fear, and not sure anyone could protect us from him, and , I was right !! The second he was caught up to, after years of no contact, he sued against me right away, allwdging horrific false allagations, even though he was the abuser !!!!
This is an excellent lecture. I was just bewildered when after divorce and a very good relationship with my son during weekend visits, he suddenly cut me off and never responded to email, phone or letters. After fifteen years we re-establised contact but I have to admit I was a bit wary and he displayed visible signs of disrepect and disdain towards what he regarded as my inadequate hospitality. He said that he had had a difficult time living with his mother after the divorce. Recently, after a bit of research I realised that my ex was a narcissitic person as well as being an alcoholic. My relationship with my son was improving until my ex-wife died and then I got cut off again. This lecture explains the process very well which is a comfort and explains the mechanism of the extreme effect of my ex-wife's death on my son. Unfortunately, I don't think there is anything I can do to improve the situation since he has severed contact.
This is truly beautiful , wonderful, hope- inducing immaculate work. Thankyou for being so dedicated Mr Chidress. Thankyou CalSouthern for uploading this wonderful vid in such excellent quality. xx
Thank you, thank you! this shed so much light on what is EXACTLY happening in my life right now with my 14 year old, its so BITTER sweet, I have no money or strong support system to help me tackle this. I need Dr. Childress!!!!!!!
Diosa Allen I am so sorry. My court battle began at the same time of my child's life. My son is now 16 years old and the historical 50/50 placement split has been changed to a 9-5 split: nine nights with Dad and five nights with me (Mom). It has cost thousands of dollars to retain even that amount of placement. The emotional toll, however, has been devastating. Lawyers, GALs, counselors and judges do not recognize this horrible dynamic. May God be with you in your journey.
I hold the two judges who heard our case[s] in contempt.WHY IS CUSTODY EVEN HANDLED IN THE LEGAL SYSTEM? That is leftover from when children and wives were considered a man's property. This is not about rights. It is about child protection. God, I feel such anger. I'd rather be in physical pain than continue to endure this hell. Shame on everyone who is complicit, judges included. And that means you, Ann Marie Calabria, almost retired from Wake County NC. Get lost, go retire, you corrupt hag. I hold you responsible fr the first miscarriage of justice.
I am crying and my body is shaking and I feel like throwing up. This doctor has answered every question that I was wondering about my 12 old son why is he acting like this. I'm so overwhelmed I don't know what to do.
Btw thank u so much for your research and this video. I seriously thought I was somehow a bad mom but I couldn’t figure out how. We all make mistakes (normal mistakes as parents do) but the lack of empathy, love and the taunting of a child simply isn’t normal. I can’t thank u enough for this and all your hard research and time u have put into helping others. I sincerely hope it helps people with younger children crawl out of this fox hole. The children deserve both parents love and acceptance. My biggest concern now is their relationships later in life. We only want the best for our kids and to only be able to sit by and watch is beyond painful. Just pray.
You just explained my ex and daughters.. I was abused over and over in court and with therapists. NOBODY understood what was going on.. I wish you had been in my court. I have just had to let my kids go- they are their narc dad now - so mean, lie, didn’t even call me on Mother’s Day. Mind you I was a sahm for the first 8 years of their lives ... all Of it is forgotten. My 15 yr old told me she did a narc test on her dad and he got all the qualities, yet throws me under the bus to not disappoint him so I look like the problem ..I’m done. I know it’s to survive in that household, and he has her college money and all the money (cuz you know I got nada) I’m Walking away from all of them- gotta save myself.. I’ve tried
My son lives with my narcissistic and NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR ex, and though his older sister and I still talk, she is stuck between her wealthy mom and her alienated dad. The divorce says I still have to support both our kids, but I was cut off from prom, COVID diagnosis, etc. All I can do is stay true and stay available. Wish me luck as I'm going to my son's graduation today, despite not receiving an invitation.
I went through the same thing even homeschooling my girls the entire time .. stay at home mom the entire 16 years. I asked for a divorce he told me he would take them away from me he left me homeless and penniless. Ruined my relationship with both my girls. I almost died I had to move a 1000 miles away to begin healing
Everything makes sense! I sure do appreciate him! I see the Dr's face light up when he speaks of healing a child, saving a life, speaking about this subject so many experience & with so little accurate information on it, and I know he's priceless
This is extremely accurate, with variations for each individual family. My Brothers and I experienced this through our parents high conflict divorce and my Mother Alienated my Father. Long story short, Dr. Childress has the Alienating parent personality disorder down to a science. After years of reflection, self awareness, therapy and educating myself, I am now finally working to break this cycle of abuse. Thank you so much for the information!
I completely agree, this is an extremely detrimental & urgent issue. I speak personally from the experience of being the unprotected child myself , to becoming a mother and tragically my son becoming the target of my parents…..as the cycle continues. I was contacted by several authorities, immediately being excused as a safe & competent parent. In addition I’d always had full custody of my son & the main provider as a single mother. Unfortunately I had no idea the damage was already so severe. Only once had my son at age 8 broke down in tears stating you don’t know what they say about you sometimes. I addressed it, only to skip ahead to age 13, where my parents(main parent/ mother/covert narcissist) began intense interruptions fully intending to severely disrupt my relationship w/ my 13yr old son. He had asked to see his absent & uninvolved father at the time, which I unaware of their hidden agenda allowed. From that time on until he was 18 was an almost unbearable journey. Things have never been the same….the psychological damage I must beg to differ is far from an easy fix. He was hospitalized due to suicidal thoughts & returned from college. Emotionally he still battles w/ anxiety, & suffers from depression, as do I, to date. While my mother soon after he returned from college lost interest & has moved onto my brothers youngest two children for her centered attention. The severe psychological trauma & abuse consequently affects all our relationships going forward as such a senseless, selfish, & sick deliberate situation, was simply to show her power & control. Simply…myself & my son only remain & push forward by Gods grace & comfort. Respectfully , I was just curious as to what plan of action would be taken, in a timely manner, to directly & safely intervene, taking control of the situation, while preventing such severe damage from occurring repeatedly? Thank you for your time, research, & concern for “the children” innocently involved, that need a voice.
I work in the family courts in the UK. this is like gold dust to people like me. this is a very simple straightforward explanation of parental alienation... I really need to facetime with Dr Childress. can anyone help with this?
Awareness is greatly needed across the board. I am alienated 10 yrs now from 2( of 4) youngest, now adult, children 23 and 25 still living with dad very enmeshed, trauma bonded and rejecting me. I intuitively understood their fear of his rage and punishment if they don't help to regulate, and meet his emotional needs. Dear lord it's the most broken system causing such psychological damage in these poor kids. The disorder has clearly transfered to my son sadly. Nothing can be done as long as he's still in that home. Tough stuff!!
You are absolutely correct that the mental health system and legal system are ignorant or at best ambivalent. The process for re-educating mental health and court officials seems like a huge obstacle to progress. I am now reframing PAS to Pathogenic Parenting
This is a most accurate description. My family are caught in this loop, probably from 2 generations ago on both sides of the family. The youngest victim is 6 and has been let down by social services, only because of lack of training to this level. Incredibly sad.
You said "The youngest victim is 6 and has been let down by social services, only because of lack of training to this level." YES! Too many of us have been let down by social services who lack the kind of training needed at this level. Having said that, there ARE actually social workers who DO actually 'get it', I have personally experienced that - but there just aren't enough of them right now! So unfortunately, those social workers who DO 'get it' are still few and far between, and so it's often a matter of 'luck of the draw' of who you're going to be working with. We really really need to have more social workers who are thoroughly trained in this dynamic
Wow.. everything he has said, describes my childhood- except that both of my parents used me against each other. I was constantly thrown around from one psychologist to another, through the family court system, being interrogated. This went on for 4 years and it took for me to become suicidal and cutting my wrists at 8 yrs old, before anyone would listen and put a stop to the alienation. As a result, I'm fearful avoidant attachment and still trying to undo all of the brainwashing and heal from the childhood trauma. Psalm 15: 2-3
Me too. I’m 65 yrs old and I’m not over it yet. I’ve been suicidal too. I’ve never been able to have a relationship because I’ve always been afraid it would turn out like my parents’ relationship. I don’t know what a healthy loving relationship even looks like
@@Woodman-Spare-that-tree I'm sorry to hear that. None of us ever deserved this.. but we need to accept that it has happened, learn to forgive and take responsibility to heal ❤ A good support system, learning DBT skills and Schema therapy. Wishing you the very best. We've got this ❤💪
heavy... depressing .... raising a teenager with an NPD crazy hubby.... I could not divorce - risking severe alienation (long story, but he is very powerful, driven by his NPD and high professional status). Also did not realize what was wrong with him unitl after the birth of our son, when he discarded me. Very interesting lecture, my heart is heavy...
I have no formal training but i was able to listen along and comprehend most of everything he spoke due to experiencing this as a child and now a father. Although this lesson was for other care providers, this helps remove the idea that this was anything personal to me and all due to narcissism.
I love this and concur with 99% of it. I have seen it played out in real life. However, It is a poor premise to credit the fear of being eaten by predators as a core attachment motivator. In my humble opinion, love is a divinely innate core trait. We are designed to dwell in caring family units. When you go against the design, you have problems. If you don't put oil in your car you have problems. If you don't respect gravity you have problems. Understanding the design is key to smooth operation.
I finally feel heard after I have tried to explain ALL of this to countless therapists and CPS, while they continually allowed the narcissistic borderline parent unsupervised visit and the same parent was also an addict and highly emotionally and physically abusive, yet he was given continuous rights to our children. Because of this these children were highly damaged and are broken adult children now. 💔😭😭😭
THANK YOU SIR. I have never heard this entire behavioral dynamics so well described and explained. I knew this but I feel finally heard. I cannot thank you enough. This was repeatedly missed by countless professionals in my family case. As you said a special level of professional knowledge is needed to diagnose and treat.
As someone who has been subjected to parental alienation by a narcissist who got residence of our vulnerable autistic son, I entirely relate and identify with this - professionals remain oblivious, indeed I wouldn't be surprised if he was now describing me as a narcissist!!! Living with a partner like this makes you question your own sanity but huge difference - I know the difference and unlike a narcissist I reflect on and own my mistakes as a parent!!! Narcissists are like Gods, they never show any doubts and often lie and distort facts e.g. - my son was NEVER aggressive with me until he reunited with you - lie - actual physical evidence of holes in walls prior to our reunification! - DELUSIONAL or what! actually had conversations that entirely contradict the facts of any incident = they'll swear black is white - and professionals now ignore these exposures because they either don't want to deal with any contradictions in their previous analyses OR still believe the narcissist as they don't check the historical facts!
You right about the older child being targeted first. We had a very strong bond my son and I. The conflict and grief this created in my son caused him to have a heart attack at 20 years old. His mother has refused to accept that she caused this and prefers to insist it's a genetic condition. It is not. Only in her mind. I don't know if she will ever acknowledge what she has done because I don't think she can and live afterwards. So it's a survival instinct to reinforce the delusion at all costs. And that's exactly what she does. She called me a pussy for trying to make such a connection and fix blame with her for his heart attack and resulting heart condition. So sad. And so real and more prevalent than many understand. This needs to be addressed in family court. Because currently family court is in denial of this dynamic that is damaging millions of kids every year who will perpetuate this behavior with their own kids.
If this Dr ever needs clinical confirmation of this exact experience I am third generation of this. That I am aware of. This is life changing and there are more adult survivors of this needing this information.
This is an absolutely brilliant presentation that gives voice for those of us who have seen this pathogenic parenting ruin our children. A billion thank yous! You do deserve the Nobel Peace Prize as one of the commenters has shared.
Yes. This is the most complete explanation of what happened to me. I started in my teens listening to John Bradshaw on PBS. Omg. I now been in complicated grief since 2010 but really all my life. All that fighting. This video is the horrible tragic truth. This should be part of the justice system for the rejected good parent. God has some explaining to do. Never question God. I can't wait to see my poor dad in heaven. He had his hell here.
Really find comfort in Dr Chiders responses. They were excellent. Alienated parent speaking. Narcissistic borderline, I'm suffering this right now. Worrying for my young adults,/kids. Hopefully I've gave enough love that they'll know themselves.
I’m the exact child described by him, every sentence he says feels like he’s observed my family for years. I said cruel things to one of my parents, and was severely abused by the parent I was crazily in love with. I don’t even know what to do to repair the relationship with the rejected parent, or to make sense of my childhood at all
As a targeted parent, i can tell you with a great deal of confidence, it will take very little effort on your part to repair the relationship with the parent you have rejected. Just do not let your other parent know. Contact the parent that you rejected and tell them that you live them and miss then and want a relationship with them.. i bet they will VERY eagerly welcone you with open arms and unconditional live and get you both the help you need to reconcile...rejected parents are sitting in wait, for the rest of their lives, for you to come back snd they have been praying for your break through...just call them...dont let the rejecting parent know though or your life will probably become harder because they will see this as your betrayal and become hostile.. be safe and call you missed parent, they have probably been waiting for you since the day you both were seperated
My goodness, I have sent this to my son who was brought to a mental breakdown in his relationship with his sons mother. I've seen so many of the traits this has brought up in my ex daughter in law. My son actually brought up his son to the age of 7, sometimes having to guilt her into doing anything with him. Father & son were so happy & silly together, he tried to shield him from the cruel & sharp ways of his mother. She met another man who could not have children and started to take her son out...my son only found this out through his boy talking about mommy's new friend. She went to a lawyer and made a case of my son being abusive, couldn't make it stick as his son refuted the events. She secretly moved house, stopped all family contact, not seen my grandson for 8 years. My son and I have fund filled cards for every birthday, Christmas, Easter etc and letters of love, telling him how much we all miss him. Its all we can do & pray he will understand.
Ow. This is brilliant. A really clarifying description of my childhood, as well as my current state. That being said, i think I can handle it in 4 separate chunks filled in with something lovely like playing with my cats and/or listening to soothing cello or 24 hours. Until then!
I watched this talk given by Dr Childress,I was blown away ,having been trying for 25 years to try and understand why my children gradually became hostile with me ,I have seen numerous Drs/Psyc's abt my grief and loss about all this crazy making stuff,none have any idea what PA is and in actual fact accused me of not understanding my children,as some below commented below told them to F...........off too ,knew father doing it before I left him but never knew what damage this has caused all my 3 sons,they are now vengeful,disrespectful ,hate runs rampant with them towards me and continue to tell me what victims they were /are ,they are really damaged adults,I cried when found Dr Childress' talk on this subject,what an amazing articulate man he is ,now I understand what's been going on all these years, I can now make some semblance of sense of it all.
Such good lectures both! I only wish they were translated into Spanish (subtitles) because I live in South America and several of my colleagues do not understand enough English to be able to benefit from this presentation. Right now a colleague and I are in the midst of a case of parental alienation where our patient lost the battle for her child's mind to her ex-husband, clearly BPD with both narcissistic and sociopathic traits. In Chile the legal system did not support the mother and the child is completely taken by the father. Truly disheartening situation, as the child is accusing the mother of being improperly physical with him (as in sexual). I heard a phone conversation between them and the child COULD NOT articulate his claim, albeit he is 13 years old. It was painful to hear.
