I developed dermatillomania several years ago and wasn't able to put a name to it until recently because I thought it was just a "me" thing. I couldn't explain the compulsion and have tried so hard to just stop, but failed every time. I couldn't figure out why I couldn't continue to follow through after a successful streak of control. Hearing your experience with trichotillomania is so relatable and while it may be different, the experience and struggle feels so much the same. It's really refreshing to hear you talk about it without shame or embarrassment and to normalize the conversation about these types of conditions. So, thank you. :)
Mackenzie, you truly make me feel that I am not alone in my BFRB and anxiety struggles and I can't tell you how comforting that is for me. Thank you for being unapologetically you and for being so open. You are simply a gem of a human being and I am so glad to "know" you. Sending you so much love gorgeous! 💗
I understand about jumping into moving in with your S.O. I finally moved into with my fiancé when our state shut down and I learned a lot. I’m working from home and I had a bad mental day and I asked him if I could be alone after work and he was very respectful and now it’s apart of our routine that I have an hour or so to myself before dinner or whatever is planned for that night!
That is a really good idea! The first week we were both working in the same room (it was very challenging haha), and I think working in different spaces has definitely helped us! I'm also the type of person that needs to decompress after work and he's the type that just keeps going. So I think that would be a great idea (having set alone time) because I'm definitely someone that needs it!
First video I've watched of yours. :) Way to go on sharing about something that can be really vulnerable to share about and for letting others know they are not alone in what they go through. Your honesty is refreshing. We need more creators doing this and well done for doing so! I didn't know anything about trichotillomania before I watched this video and love that you filmed your video showing your brows and lashes and that you are looking at the silver linings! WAY TO GO! I appreciated how you talked about giving yourself grace/not beating yourself up about it - So many of us need to be reminded of that. I know I do. I watched to the end! I share about my chronic physical and mental health issues too. 💚🧡💜 Reminding you that you are not alone either and don't hesitate to reach out if you need support! Cheering you on in your life and in your marriage- what a difficult time to start a marriage. My heart goes out to you.. You got this, girl. -Kelly
I've been suffering with Trichotillomania since the age of 7, I barely have eyelashes, my brows have kinda grown back & I've got bald patches throughout my hair (head). Later on as I got older I found out I was autistic (most will say I didnt realise you have ASD) But the more I learnt & saw therapist the more I found out there is a link between ASD & Trichotillomania. It's very common. Obviously not everyone with Trichotillomania has ASD but its commonly seen in those who have it. I dont do mine out of boredom, I only do it when I'm stressed or upset. It's hard for others to understand. I'm now in my late 20s. It's gotten a lot worse as I've got older because I've got over 16 medical conditions. Even though it's not nice, it's nice to hear about it from others as you dont get many who understand it. My therapist at the time told me to use a band around my wrist, so when I have an urge to use the band not my head. It doesnt work for me but it can work for others. It's a common recommendation for those with trich. I also learnt it's not class as self harm but a some sort form of OCD. Thank you for sharing, it's good to talk about it as many probably have the problem without realizing. Took me years to find out there was a name to it x
Thank you for sharing your experience! And that's good to know that they've found connections between ASD and trichotillomania! I feel like I don't hear too often about females who are autistic, and it would be insightful to learn more about it. I can relate to the band - I don't feel like that really worked for me either. But I've learned that something that might not work for me might work for others, so I appreciate hearing all the tips!
Hello! I had found your channel by your disney videos and love them all! I never would have guessed that you struggled with this condition because your makeup always looks so good! I have been struggling with trichotillomania for almost 12 years now. I totally understand all the struggles you have been having related to trichotillomania. Your courage to make a video showing and talking about your struggle with pulling is truly inspiring! This video is the one that made me subscribe to you and I definitely look forward to all your future makeup videos you will be uploading related to trichotillomania. ❤
thank you so much for sharing! I suffer from a minor form of trich although it's not clinically diagnosed. I tend to pull my hair out out of stress for the most part and my family doesn't seem to understand and complain when they find hair all around the house. Of course I can't really help it, but it's nice to know someone with similar passions as me is going through something so similar!
I think the hardest thing for me (and still is) is trying to explain it to family or loved ones. I think it's really hard for them to understand, especially if they've never experienced anything like it before. Just know it's a lot more common than we realize, mainly because people don't talk about it due to the shame. Hang in there! ☺️💗
I have always appreciated your honesty! We’ve messaged a few times on Instagram about microblading prior to you getting your microblading done. I have picking behaviors related to my scalp, and hearing you explain this connection you’ve discovered between consumerism uptick in the fall/winter and a rise in your trich behaviors made me realize I follow a similar pattern. Very intuitive thoughts!
Thank you for sharing your story and opening up about your experience. You making this video will inspire others to talk about their experience too. I don't personally struggle with Trichotillomania but this video really inspired me to share my stories, experiences, and voice (which is something I challengeing myself to do) ! So, thank you for being open and sharing your story.
This might seem so weird but I feel like I’m the same way with overeating. I totally feel what you were taking about like once you start it’s so hard to stop. Once you’re in the moment even if I’m feeling regret, I can’t stop. I definitely have an eating disorder when it comes to overeating and it’s so much worse during the winter when I’m sitting home more or going out less. It’s nice to think a little more deeply about that in the hopes I can try to make adjustments. Still so happy for you and your wedding! Sending so much love!
I can totally see the similarities! I feel myself grazing a lot on food now that we've been home too. Like it's so much easier for me to mindlessly eat things working from home.
I was thinking exactly the same thing! I also struggle with overeating/binging, and I've started to learn about and apply intuitive eating, which makes you deconstruct the diet mentality and learn to tune in to your body and accept hunger cues but also emotional or compulsive eating, which is not seen as something to feel bad for but simply a behaviour to be understood, with grace and kindness to yourself, which is very similar to what Mackenzie describes in her video when talking about how she approaches trichotillomania :)
Congratulations on getting married and moving in your first home! Thank you so much for this video. I have been struggling with my mental health recently and I am similar where I normally like to be positive and want to suppress the negatives. I am in the process of moving into my first home as well and it’s been tough. I’ve had so many emotions of joy and excitement but also anxiety and frustration. I scratch off the skin around my nails and I recently did that to both of my thumbs but you make me feel like I’m not alone. I appreciate your openness so much! You are so amazing and impactful to so many people ❤️
Thanks Emily! Honestly moving was so stressful and I broke down in tears at least 3-4 times during the process. I may have also been PMSing at the time too which doesn't help! Haha but the process is so stressful (especially if you're strapped for time with a date that you HAVE to be out of the residence by), but I kept reminding myself that it was a temporary stressor and that seemed to help. Hang in there!
I am 36 and I have had trich since I was a kid. I have no eyelashes and very patchy eyebrows. It is so embarrassing for me and most people I have come across don't understand. I have never had therapy. It feels good to relieve the stress while pulling but then I have immense guilt and shame afterwards because of my lack of self control. I think it's so brave of you to talk about this subject!
I completely relate to the part about "it feels good to relieve the stress while pulling but then I have immense guilt and shame afterwards". I feel like that's what makes it so hard, is that it truly feels good or rewarding to pull out the hair (I sometimes describe it as a similar sensation for those who like to pop zits or pick at a scab). And I think for me the shame comes from society telling us that thick brows and lashes are beautiful - which must mean that we're not beautiful if we don't have them. The best thing I've done for myself is recognize that the hair on my face (or lack there of) doesn't define my self worth, and by trying to give myself grace afterwards I feel like it helps the cycle of shame (where I feel bad about pulling out the hair and in turn pull out more hair to try to cope with the negative feelings). I hope that by raising awareness it will help us feel less ashamed and normalize it!
With my own anxiety I definitely notice those cycles as well. For me summer and fall are really good seasons, but I tend to have more anxiety attacks or breakdowns in the winter and spring. That being said, thank you for being brave enough to share your story and being brave enough to be vulnerable with the brownies! Always love a good Mackenzie video! ❤️
Mackenzie your gorgeous smile lights up your face. And your eyes are so pretty. You are honestly naturally beautiful! I really respect this bare-faced bare-your-soul vid. Congrats again on your marriage! So happy for you!
I’m so glad I found you! I’ve been feeling out of control because I’ve been pulling the hair at my hairline out - have done it with eyebrows too but mainly my hair. I now have a spiky area like a mini fringe growing back, but because my job has become more stressful since covid and it’s tiring me out, I’ve been much worse with pulling my hair out. It’s good to know I’m not alone and not weird as I thought ❤️
I totally agree with what you were saying. I personally don’t have trichotillomania, but I definitely pull out my eyebrow hairs, and bite my nails, and that cheek thing too! I fee like it’s something natural and normal for people to do, some people just do it more than others, but for the people that do it’s just an extension of normal human behavior. I find sometimes i do it more when I’m stressed, and it comes and goes. Also CONGRATS ON YOUR GETTING MARRIED 🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉
I'm also an Enneagram 7, so I really understand that desire to live in the "joy" and the challenges that can present. Thanks for sharing your struggles, it's a very relatable story and I really like the attitude of giving yourself grace... something I'm always advocating for myself and others. Congratulations on the wedding and the new home! This is an exciting time of life, even though the world is so strange right now. Best wishes and thanks for sharing!
You’re so beautiful and honest Mackenzie! Truly my favorite youtuber🙌 These are such real and honest topics, thank you for sharing. Hope you are doing well and are enjoying married life! ❤️
My boyfriend and I bought our first house this year too! I can't imagine trying to plan a wedding too, each comes with its own set of tasks! Remember to take self care days ❤️❤️❤️ Love your eyes too, they're a unique color 🥰
I definitely agree about the anxiety, I feel like mine will seemingly be through the roof at certain times and I’m unsure why. Not only that, but wearing masks constantly for my job, I’m having more break outs, which leaders to more picking at my face, which leads to more anxiety because I’m picking! I’m trying to give myself plenty of time to rest and try and be at peace with myself, but sometimes it’s hard. Hang in there everybody!
You are such a beautiful soul 💖 Congratulations on all the exciting news of marriage and a new house! 2020 is a very difficult year and you are not alone with the panic attacks. I have suffered with them as well. Thank you for always being so candid and honest. You are beautiful inside and out regardless of your brows and lashes 😘💖
It's cool how just hearing other people talk about how their having a hard time too helps so much just to know you're not alone, I just feel so burnt out from the news, and I haven't even been watching that many news videos lately but everyone in the house is always reading the paper or sending articles and seeing so many posts of the horrible things going on in the world related to the virus or violence- its like it just shows up on your feed when you're just trying to see what your friends are up to, and all that on top of just trying to navigate life through the uncertainty of the pandemic etc, for example one of my friends is a vegetarian and is posting pictures of how horribly animals are treated and it just made me so sad ugh like it's too overwhelming. I'm definitely going to instagram fast now but yeah :/
I have to add, we had a surprise pregnancy (16 years ago now) while dating and moved in together into his bachelor house (867 sq ft), married 5 months later and had a brand new baby 3 months after that. YES! It's hard! But, you can survive it :)
Have you ever looked at how your anxiety is influencing your trichotillomania? At least for me, I know that when I am in times of high stress and I'm feeling anxious me picking at my nails is a coping mechanism (it's called excoriation... much like what you're dealing with except picking at skin rather than hair). But you're right - once you start it is SO HARD to stop. I have had my skin around my nails just picked completely raw so I really identify with your struggle. Thank you for being so open about this, I can't imagine that it's easy to talk about.
I'm pretty sure they're connected! I haven't spent a ton of time examining it (like tracking when I experience anxiety and when I tend to pull), but overall I feel it's connected. And thank you for sharing your experience too! I feel like a lot of people have BFRBs but either don't know about it or don't share about it often enough 💕
Woohooo early Bird for once and i‘m all the way over the big pond in Switzerland 🇨🇭 love you so much Kenzie. Thank you for always being so open, transparent and candidly sharing your thoughts & emotions. I think that’s a rare character trait nowadays. Oh also I‘m a 4.
Thank you!! My former roommate (who was probably one of my favorite ones I've had) and one of my best friends are 4s too! I feel like I vibe well with 4s ☺️
I've never heard of BFRB but holy crap i have so many of these behaviors. I have bitten my nails since i was a little kid and I'm 18, it has been really really hard to stop. I also bite the insides of my cheek, pick at my skin (mostly scabs, acne and dead skin) and some other stuff. I always felt so weird about it, nice to know theres a name for all of it
Learning they were all in the same category helped me a lot! It opened my eyes and made me realize there were even more people with behaviors in the overall category (even if they didn't struggle specifically with hair pulling). I don't know why, but it feels nice to know there's a reason, or that there's a connection. Even just something as simple as knowing there's a name for it! I'm glad my video could help you in some way 😊💕
I got out of my 6 hour gymnastics practice I'm watching this to relax. My heart goes to you. I understand sometimes you don't know what to do. I am a joy person as well and I get that. I also try to suppress those things as well. It's hard I get it so hard.
Thank you for sharing your life update. I've been dealing with anxiety all through quarantine. I pick at my cuticles when my anxiety is bad and most of the time I don't realize I'm doing it. I have to use bandaids or distract myself. I'm currently waiting to get surgery. I have a cataract and my eye doctor is trying to find the best surgeon to take care of me because I have a rare eye disease that could make surgery complicated. When Ihad my first cataract surgery four years ago I lost my near sighted vision which no one told me would happen. I've had a few meltdowns when I tried to do things I used to be able to but can't now. I wanted to watch old theatre performances I was in on my laptop but I have to use my reading glasses and my phone's magnifying glass to see and even then it's difficult. I've been trying to stay positive and stay busy working on different projects for other people. I'm working on wedding stuff for my cousin and baby stuff for my future niece. I've also gotten back into musicals and have been watching and listening to a bunch of them. I hope you are doing well and staying safe. Congrats again on your wedding the pictures were gorgeous. I wish you and Joel all the happiness in the world. I hope you have a wonderful week.
I hope your surgery goes well and that your doctor is able to find the perfect surgeon to perform the surgery! I can't imagine how difficult that must have been to experience! That's nice that you've been able to find things to work on during the time inside ☺️💗
I also suffer from trichotillomania i try to stop pulling my hair and it's just so hard I have bald spots on my head and I'm insecure about it because whenever I go out I have to go with a pony and I really used to leave my hair loose but now I can't coz I have spots on my hair
I'm sure that feels very much like how I feel when I've pulled out my brows or lashes. There's a lot of days where I feel the need to do anything to hide it!
I recommend watching Colleen Vlogs who has derotilamania, (Definetly spelled that wrong). For her its skin picking. She's very open and honest about it and talks about going to therapy for
I’m an enneagram 7 too so I definitely resonate with what you were saying. I always feel like there’s more I can do and I can’t be sad or in a bad mood because that’s not me or “my role” and I only let myself be in a bad mood if I’m alone. I struggle with biting the skin off the inside of my lip when I’m stressed or feeling sad or anxious and definitely have panic attacks when I suppress for too long /:
I can relate to a lot of those things! I find that when I have healthy ways of relieving stress (journaling, listening to calming music, exercise) it helps a lot! But I also tend to find lots of excuses for why I don't have time for it too, which I need to get better at!
Omg I bite the inside of my cheek too! And I use to pull my eyelashes out too but I've somewhat grown out of it (but I think I do other things instead like biting my cheeks and lips and thing like that)
Guys, trich sucks! I have been dealing with it for 30 years and finally developed a method of reaching a full and sustainable remission. Check out the Trichotillomania Bootcamp series and let me know what you think. ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-l-68fRkxTv4.html
I've become consumed with tweezing my ingrown hairs. I get into a trance where I don't even realize I've spent 1, 2 or 3 hours doing it. I've had to hide my tweezers to make myself physically stop...
That's how I feel when I'm in a "pull session" (I don't know a better name for it). It's like you're in a trance. But hiding the tweezers is a good idea! I've found that if I take steps beforehand to help set myself up so I'm less likely to be in a situation where I would be pulling it helps! Like when I'm sitting in traffic I'll start flossing - for me the sensation of flossing is similar and I'll mindlessly do that to keep my hand busy.
It's got to the point where I've even wore a head lamp so I can see the lil stubble better. I chew my nails like a maniac, but with the pandemic, I'm consciously trying to avoid putting anything in my mouth lol I hadn't thought about flossing - that's a great tip. I appreciate you being open with this because it is hard for us who have these behaviors. Thank you ♡
In some ways! After I pull out my brows, and I see the damage I've done, I feel a lot of guilt and shame. In turn, that makes me want to pull out my hair more (because I feel like I tend to do it when I'm anxious). But after having them micro-bladed it helps me feel like I look more normal, or that it's less apparent that I don't have brows. It definitely helps me break the cycle of shame, which ultimately makes me want to pull out my brows less!
I’m going to keep kenziemacbrown but I changed my personal IG account handle to mackenzhughes ☺️ I feel like it would be confusing and challenging to change my screen name since it’s somewhat different than my real name. Like it’s different than “James Charles” or “Jaclyn Hill”, I feel like I’m more of a “Manny MUA” because I chose to go with kenziemacbrown (mainly because Mackenzie Brown was a somewhat common name and already taken). But where my name is listed I’m going to try to change it to Mackenzie Hughes ☺️
