Understanding Diversity: Where Are You From? 

+Osamalama Ding Dong Stfu

Wrong you don't "just" ask. That's the entire point here, it's personal Information. Not-really any of your business question. THEY have to go out of their way to satisfy YOUR curiosity. It alienates, singles out and creates an "otherness" between you and the person you are talking to. It's off-putting and insensitive. Ask about something else, they will tell if they feel like it. It's not a relevant question anyway. You are just trying to put a label on people. It's wrong. Ask them about where they like to go on holidays or something else. You can assume all you want but don't ask about somebodies race, ethnicity, nationality. It tells other people oh I noticed "You don't belong here". I have an accent I deal with it constantly it's really annoying after living here for decades it feels like Groundhog day each time. Are you an immigration officer, No? Then get off my ass. Prick

Hi

I find asking "where are you from originally?" seems to make the question add more gently. But I normally only ask people with an accent, I'm not as interested in people born in the West for the most part

I think the challenge for you Daniel D is in conflating Conscious and unconscious reactions (ie. emotional vs. Cognitive). I think understanding the relations of social power, complex trauma and physio-neurosis might help your analysis. Feel free to ask questions if you are seeking further information. "Seek first to understand and then to be understood." -- I will be glad to help you with the former

DiversitySolutions1 If by help my analysis, you mean learn why I should be more offended by people wanting to know "where I'm from", then perhaps, yes. However, in a world where people get offended way too easily, not isolated only to racial matters, if it takes studying complex trama and physioneurosis to become sufficiently equipped to be more offended, that's really taking it to a whole new level.

Hi Daniel, I think I may not have communicated my point well in my response. Let me try and be clearer. BY "help your analysis" I mean to say help you question why "you" get to decide that someone else is being "too sensitive." The menaing of your communication can be found in the response that you receive. So if you say or do something that offends someone else, you may want to consider changing your behaviour rather than assuming what is behind their reaction. People are complex Daniel, our lives are complex and our experiences are complex. Because you haven't had a certain experience, and so have not developed a "sensitivity" is not a reason to "assume" that others have not and therefor should not. By determining that other people should not be sensitive to a particular stimuli, you make several errors in judgement. You are generally judging their behaviour and their emotions based on your self-referential experience of the world. So in essence, I would ask that you examine the notion that it is not they that are "overly-sensitive", but you that are "insensitive." At any rate, I am happy to continue this conversation. I would suggest that you look up a process called "Confirmation Bias" before you respond to this reply please. All the best

DiversitySolutions1 I suppose you have more a right to tell people they aren't sensitive enough than I have a right to say you are too sensitive? Your message will sooner make more people irritated at a question that previously did not bother them than it will convince people to stop asking this question... for whom it may be the first time asking, but is only so loaded because of YOU. Unfortunately if you want to get up on stage and act as a cheerleader for "Where are you from" question awareness, people have the right to chime in on your extreme negativity, and YES, over-sensitivity if it will effect how carefully people feel they need to tread around me. I know how confirmation bias works, and I also know coming to conclusions without any facts to be even worse. The problem here is that you've made a full presentation about your position, I have not. It's therefore pretty presumptions to think that I haven't had experiences, in a town even whiter than yours, that would lead me to a crossroad where I too could lead a life expecting people to cater to my personal insecurities, or to move on living in a more positive manner. I think it's clear which I selected. There are probably some questions you need to ask yourself... Most important of all being if you're actually trying to distinguish yourself from a group of people who you think yourself to be better than. By exposing your perception that India is often associated with poverty and strife of some sort, it makes it seem as though your problem is more with being associated with something in particular rather than a generalized mistaken identity. Your concept that you don't need to ignore accents, but you should, conveniently, ignore visible differences epitomizes how much this is about you, and how little it has to do with problems lying on the question asker's side. Perhaps if your next talk was made on internalized racism, you may potentially have more groundbreaking realizations and room for personal development than you might expect.

Leeno Karumanchery Thanks for the link Leeno. I like to be challenged... instead of challenging me, You've recommended multiple fields of study, without any actual substance as to why those fields of study would challenge my position. By expecting your critics to be studied in all of the fields you deem necessary before it can be a considered a criticism of validity, you're not giving yourself much room to be challenged. In keeping with the theme of recommending study materials, I suggest you read up on Ad hominems. So now you've posted a link which says racism exists, and it effects people.... ok? I'm not saying racism doesn't exist. I've experienced it, I've lived it, I know it. What you are promoting is not an abolishment of racism, it's an introduction of hypersensitivity... it's a painting of everyone with the same brush. I remember a white guy who looked a lot like one of my German friends, he told me he was American, but that wasn't enough for me, I was curious if he had German heritage... Had he been associated with a group of hypersensitive people who are offended easily, my genuine curiosity in this guy would have been off limits. If people have similar curiosities about me, and if they have been to your workshops and follow your teachings, they won't ask out of fear I'll yell "from a Vagina". So in the end, people can have interesting conversations about heritage with white people, but these types of curiosities towards people of colour are off limits... so much for equality and a world where I fit in like anyone else. I know a black guy from Cameroon who doesn't like it when people assume he is from France just because of his French accent, even though accent shouldn't be off limits according to you.. Maybe we should all just take this "It's none of your business where I'm from" mentality you promote and just not ask any questions anymore. If some people really are offended that others use their senses (no matter to what degree of accuracy) to notice that there is something distinguishable about someone, which is likely attributed to a genetic link to a very specific region of our shared earth - then perhaps they should find somewhere only blind deaf people hang out. I know that is a bit extreme to say when in actuality, some simply just want to distinguish themselves from others who look the same, but speak with an accent. I saw the story of the guy in the canoe who asked "what make you are" as a totally organic experience. That's likely true to his style of communication, and if he's the kind of guy who goes camping in Algonquin, it could very well have been his first time ever sharing a beer with someone who looked so different from him, either because your the first person he's ever encountered dressed up like Indiana Jones in Algonquin, or more likely because of skin colour... Your position will prevent these types of organic experiences from happening again and will even make some people believe skin colour creates boundaries which are better all-together avoided by sticking to their own "kind" in the future. By asking you what "make you are" he was actually treating you as an insider, and not like an outsider as you might believe. You look different from the people around you when you grew up somewhere like Aurora. What's the big deal? You look like you came from a country that you believe to be largely associated with poverty and strife... Change your way of thinking, because India is a great place, or start telling people you're of Spanish heritage if it's really that upsetting. There are a lot of ways to deal with personal insecurities, even insecurities born from far greater things than just a cumulative irritation about people noticing you look different. David Suzuki admitted he became such an over-achiever hoping to prove his worthiness as a Canadian, stemmed from his insecurities about having been put in a internment camp for the Japanese during his childhood... yet he has a more calm, humble and positive outward display of his insecurities. You on the other hand, have a much more harsh, arrogant, "I get irritated and angry" outward display of what is ultimately personal issues.... And finally, there are some people who just plain and simply get over it, and continue on with their lives without having to complain to the world about looking different enough that people notice, or having to guilt trip people about a question, that granted might be a bit ignorant, but which you care much less about when you've conquered your own personal identity issues. Let me add a disclaimer about my David Suzuki comment. He was genuinely wronged, discriminated against and scared for life in a way far greater than what you've ever experienced... yet he knows that this will create a lot of personal issues which he doesn't broadly burn innocent people with. His internal injuries are real but doesn't shoot bystanders because of it. I remember asking a guy if he had any kids. His only child, his daughter, had drown in their apartment complex's pool... I felt terrible for asking... But should I learn from that to limit my social interactions next time and simply mind my own business? Because like you say, ultimately that is personal information and none of my business. True, had he got upset, which he didn't, I would not have complained, but I still don't think this serves as a lesson to not ask anyone again... So I truly hope that despite your anger, irritation and insecurities, people won't stop their curiosity because of their encounters with your low-threshold aggravation. The best of friends have limited boundaries with each other. If you're the kind of guy who has camping and drinking buddies, you're the kind of guy who has friends who will give each other a hard time and troll each other... I can guarantee you, they'll feel a lot more nervous to do the same with you because of how sensitive you are and because of your ability to detect the "true" meaning behind their words by using social power, complex trauma and physio-neurosis textbook knowledge. I appreciate that people share their opinions, and I think that your talk indeed may resonate with white people enough to guilt them into thinking they're quite insensitive. But as a fellow brown folk, my 2-cents is that you're ironically building a divide in your quest to shout "we're the same" from the rooftops, and your not doing us any favors. I'd like to add, I've looked at your other stuff, and some of the things are great and really resonate with me, I feel as though your whole presentation as a package probably is a lot more balanced, but at the same time, I believe the individual components should be reasonable on their own, this component, I don't believe to be reasonable. Take care. Daniel

Well you seem to be deaf. It has been pointed out to you that asking someone where they are from makes people feel like they don't belong so can you keep your "curiosity" to yourself and if you really want to converse with someone who doesn't look like they should, just asked them a more intelligent question?

​@@Maha_s1999 No need to be a dick about it, seriously. Americans are offended by everything, no matter what their ethnicity. The people I personally know in my country are happy to share their culture if people are interested, at least I had such experiences with millenials. Of course you can't go around asking random people or people you literally just met, but if you are getting to know a classmate or people in your group of friends then it is only natural that this question comes up.

not everyone judges you according to your heritage.. some are just wanting to know more about you and are asking in sincerity.

Young white people are emotional basket cases. Don't forget that what we're really talking about is white fragility, an old tried and true method of avoiding debate, and getting upset about being associated with racist ideologies when "I'm not a racist." People of racialized or gender and sexual minorities are told off time and again for bringing up their problems of discrimination, or of being shut out. White people often try to ignore it, shrug it off, ridicule (like your statement) or get angry... No... we don't analyze, we refuze to analyze and ridicule or avoid by deflection... That's exactly what you're doing.

The US should’ve never become an international power.

Exactly

Did you get married?

Why not?

Of course, both ask personal Information some don't just want to reveal. I'm an Immigrant with an accent & I won't tell you where I'm from because frankly, it's none of your business.