I used this technique with my mom today. She ia mostly in her critical parent ego state and I responded with my adult ego state. Initially, she verbally attacked me and usually I would respond from my hurt child or Critical Parent, but this time I responded eith my adult ego and was rational with her and it totally descalated her and she even apologized to me afterwards. Still, it stings when she attacks me and I'm not sure if she'll ever really change. But I do feel a sense of power and control now. And I feel like I didn't let my anger take over. Which is a wonderful feeling. Thanks Doc 😊
I am a therapist myself, and I work with combat veterans. I will never get tired of the truth you keep putting out there. I use these videos with my veterans. Keep speaking the truth, brother!
Thank you so much. And thank you for the work you do. Our veterans gave everything for us, and we can never do enough to show them gratitude in return. Sending you, and everyone you work with, tons of peace!
You are so genious and convincing. I open my eyes to things in our life that i haven't heard before. This is making understanding me and others pretty easier
Thank you so much! I really appreciate hearing that. I definitely would be grateful for you to share these videos with others. I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to comment and hearing that these videos are helpful. Sending you and your wife all my best and tons of peace!
Needed this today. I just wrote up my spouse and I in the bubble format. Really speaks volumes. She’s HC/CP and I need more adult to bring her to her adult.
Years ago, I read Berne's book, "Games People Play." It is a short book but very insightful. It was extremely interesting and made me start to really focus on how people communicate, and the roles they take on in their communication, both intentionally and unintentionally.
thank you dr.conte....for your wonderful videos....change begins from within...great help navigating issues with your support.....understanding and viewing ppl, myself and things thru your perspective truly helps
Thanks brother. Life's too short to not be authentic. Plus, I'm 44 years old, so at this point in my life, all I want to do is light up my corner of the world. Sending you all the best and much peace brother!
Dr. Conte, Excellent analogy of the adult ego state and a couch. Thank you. What I need to figure out is the process of transforming myself from the critical parent/ hurt child ego state to that of an adult who is stationary like a couch :-) Any other videos or blog posts that specifically address this aspect? Thanks in advance.
Woah this is GOLD! New subscriber! I’m so glad I’ve come across this video because I’ve always been aware of these emotional shifts, I just didn’t know what to call it.
One year later after this was uploaded and I'm just now getting around to seeing this. I have too much trouble with relationships and I don't know what else to do to fix it....
I think I can use this. It'll be very difficult to be the couch, though. I have PTSD from childhood abuse, and when my (diagnosed) BPD partner starts mashing my buttons, it's terrifically difficult for me not to react. He's not in therapy though, I am, so I'm the designated adapter.
This type of informative video is exactly what I need to process information. Your introduction to ego states is new to me and very interesting as well. I have been studying the archetypes from carl and the meyers-briggs adjustments. This ego states theory puts a new depth of perspective.
Kyle Audette Thanks brother! I teach Analytical Psychology. Carl Jung was one of the biggest influences on my life. In this video, I talk about TA by Eric Berne, who was a Neo-Freudian, and there are obviously some huge differences between Freud and Jung (and I’m much more heavily influenced by Jung than Freud), but I love Transactional Analysis - it’s pragmatic and it just makes so much sense! I’m grateful you like it brother!
Adult ego state it is my friend. Great video. This is a topic that can be so confusing, but you mapped it out perfectly. God bless you and the family. Shared and liked.
Chuck McGee Thank you! I’ve been teaching this for exactly 20 years now (I started teaching TA in 1998), and every single time I teach it, I learn some nuance that enhances how I experience it. I’m grateful to share it, and I hope it helps some people. Thank you for always supporting me. You rock! Much peace!
scrappy3471 thank you! Yes you definitely are not alone in that, because we all do for sure, but the key is remaining mindful about what’s going on inside you. Sending you all the best and tons of peace!
Wow, what a powerful teaching, I could not help but to run to my Facebook and share this. Thank you so much. Great example about the coach. Every time my children throw that ball of anger at me, I’m going to imagine I’m a coach, that mental picture would really help me stay in my Adult ego state of mind. What helps me stay longer in my Adult ego state is to keep reminding myself that people’s reactions are not about me most of the time, but they are about the way they perceive their reality
High Impact Club Yes! Definitely stay the couch bc you are 100% right: others’ reactions aren’t about you; I honestly think truly understanding that is one of the most freeing feelings! Sending you tons of peace to remain being the couch! :-)
Yes! 100%. I always say there are two kinds of people: People with issues and dead people. So as long as we're alive, we ALL have issues. I think the goal is to do the best we can with what we have in every given moment. Sending you much peace for sure!
Hi, how do you remain calm when someone is so critical towards you. Especially in a long term relationship. They don't even see what their doing while angry and when do they calm down, pretend whatever happened was no big deal. I know its my ego that wants me to humiliate them back because its my way of not feeling so little about myself and protecting myself. My biggest down fall is I react back, I react back because I am in pain. Your saying be the "ADULT." How do I or what do I tell myself, when someone is lashing out, insulting etc.
Great video !, I was trying to rekindle my relationship with ex,and I was should just use these skills on my own and be in the relationship,or share it with her so we both have this skill set to use on each other
