Understanding the Sex Myth: Rachel Hills at TEDxLoughborough 

Thanks Junye Zhang, glad you liked it!

Rachel Hills Good talk indeed! I know others who will benefit from this, so thanks very much for this contribution to culture :-)

I absolutely share your sentiments. Facebook is the worst for perpetuating this. I moved away from my college city and left all my friends to focus on my goals. When I returned, they were right where I left them, doing drugs, worried about "boys", being codependent... They are great people, but our goals don't match up anymore. I used to think that I was inadequate because I wasn't doing the things they were doing. I'm much happier now that I don't compare myself to others anymore.

+aylix89 I was much the same. I wish I could go back and do my 20's over, and this time spend less time fretting about all the fun others were having and instead get off my ass and go out and enjoy myself more.

+Christine Nanteza Too right. FB is an excellent insecurity-inducer. All one's friends constantly posting the best tidbits of their life. Whether it's their new makeover, the raise they got at their job, their perfect-looking kids that make you feel like a lousy parent, the most flattering picture of their S.O. to make everyone jealous... It's a nonstop barrage. People who have a hard time with self-esteem issues really need to stay away from social media.

and its a way for the media to make money.....

Carlos Vera Hey there, brother. I'm sorry to hear you say that (even though I believe many of us feel the same way for various reasons.) I do have a question for you though. I was wondering how someone like you only had one girlfriend your whole life? You look like a good lookin' guy. Could it be that you are very picky when it comes to picking a women. I was wondering if you can shed some light on why only one so far? I know some men that are way out of shape, jobless and downright undesirable in almost every way, and they get girlfriends all the time. Help me out here. Hope to hear from you.

trident3b Yeah! I'm intact. I'm very healthy and all my parts work perfectly. I've had sex thousands of times. Married twice and my wives were animals in the sack. But they put way too much importance on sex. It actually ruined it for me. I got to the place where trying to give them enough, became like a second job. I've kept celibate for over 8 years now, and on occasion, I do miss it.

Sex is a different level of importance to everyone. Just because it is not that important to you does not mean that it shouldn't be that important to everyone. Also, age has a lot to do with it. As I am aging (late 30's) I am noticing my drive declining, but in my twenties I would probably hump a pumpkin if it looked at me the right way................. Another big thing is that many men get married partially because they found a girl they are sexually compatible with and THEN once they were married the woman pulls the rug from under him and withholds sex regularly. Now what? She changed the game and now he want sex but made a commitment not to get it anywhere else. The resentment for that is more powerful then the actual need for sex.

Thanks Peter, glad you liked it!

Rachel Hills I appreciate your talk too

jffryh Thanks, jffryh!

Thanks, Jayne!

Achilles94627 Neither. Just someone who regards sex as a highly pleasurable physical activity and nothing more than that (at least used to). I hate to reinforce the stereotype, but yes, he's also gay and finding someone new to sleep with can take only a few minutes.

+Mark Heath The problem is not just that men only want sex. Why do so many millions of women dress in a way that simply advertises sex? It's not simply because men expect them to. These same women say that it feels good to look and feel sexy. So who's got sex on the brain??? Everyone it seems.

hmm yeah, Not sure, just wanting sex is where it all goes wrong for most people! what happened to caring, nurturing, build something relationships? casual sex aint the answer.

Mark Heath Too right! I'm afraid we've become the commodity, and not just the consumers.

Mark Heath You could say the same about all facets of modern society ~ short cuts are the modern way. Short-term gratification has replaced common sense and reason.

It's called money corrupts! Let's start a revolution! Everyone's bored of it now why not!?

And I hope you will learn to love yourself We all start with love in our hearts,loving ourselves, loving our families (hopefully), then we can go out into the world and love others.

Hang in there. At age 20 you have no idea how young you actually are! You are barely past puberty. There is so much life ahead of you and I predict many exciting relationships! :)

Patience, Lego. You're young, yet. You have plenty of time.

Just jumping in here to back up Faerie Tale and Jack Housman here. You would be surprised how many 20-year-olds have never had a girlfriend or boyfriend. Or if they *have* had one, who don't feel like they have their heads around the whole sex and relationships thing despite that. There are loads of you out there. It's just that most of the time, people only talk about things that make them look (and feel) confident and experienced.

Jack Housman I really need to change that silly name tag on here I've had it for over 8 years.

Rachel Hills Yeah but most of them don't have the added problem of having Aspergers syndrome, and statistics show that the average age people loosing their virginity currently is at age 17. I'm also not perticularly hansome or wealthy etc. My chances are literally getting worse by the day. Not to mention I live in a town of just 10,000 people with no other towns our size for 60 miles, plus most everyone is religious here and I'm not, and that's a problem. They really need a "rip out your emotions" option when your born, because I would be all over that. There is also my depression so I would have to assume I don't kill myself if I'm to have any hope of finding a relationship. Which I now suspect wont ever happen.

hahaa

Heh - I can see why you would say that! I would think most people were full of BS if they told me such a thing. But there were a couple of extenuating circumstances in this case that made it believable.

Once UponASpace i

hi I really appreciate it

I look forward to the 'Mistress Morrigan' TED talk. Any teaser as to what it will be about.

The myth is that the cultural zeitgeist dictates that everybody is doing it with everybody else all the time and you are missing out. The reality is that not very many people are doing very much.

I don't know about the Caribbean, but I take your point on the newscaster voice.

I think that's just down to the sound recording - her speech is being picked up by mic but any noise from the audience is not going throught the sound-desk. It's not meant to be a thigh slapping, roll in the aisles performance anyway, so I don't think she minds.

Yes. It seemed like she said many things but didn't state what the myth is. I guess that's a myth too. So, what's the sex myth?

Tobias Brown Hey Tobias. Sorry this wasn't clearer for you; it was an early(ish) iteration of a pretty complex idea. To sum it up in a sentence, The Sex Myth is the force that regulates our sexual behaviour, by teaching us that our value resides in the contents of our sex lives.

***** And thanks for the support, Holly! :)

She states, "And I want to introduce you to the idea of the sex myth: The idea that who you are can be found in what you do in the bedroom." I believe she also talked a lot about how people assume everyone is having lots of sex all the time because of the heavy sexual atmosphere we live in, and that is a myth, too.

The later myth here makes sense. The first one is still a mystery to me.

The cited woman obviously had self-esteem problems & doubted that his given reason was all the reason for celebacy. My concern for that relationship is that they are a couple with mis-matched moral/spiritual values. Don't think it would last if they don't agree on something so fundamental to a relationship.

Maybe they're just more comfortable talking about it and think more about this side of it and are more expressive on it?

There was a practical reason for making that rule. Having sex with a different person each day makes it FAR more likely that you catch an STD. In fact, even today with condoms, we still need to be careful about how many people we sleep with.

+Taran Marduk the number of partners is more important because sex, biologically speaking, is for reproduction. So if you're a woman and you have sex with 1 male 100 times a year and you get pregnant, then you will know for sure who the father is. Likewise if you're the man in this scenario, and you trust the woman that she didn't cheat on you, then you can be sure and confident that you are in fact the father of the baby, and you aren't unwittingly raising another mans child (which biologically speaking is genetic suicide - not only does the male NOT reproduce, he puts his energy into propagating some other males genes). If you're a woman and you have sex with 100 men one time over the course of a year, and you get pregnant. Good luck trying to figure out which guy you let ejaculate inside your oft-used vagina got you pregnant! And good luck even more trying to convince this guy (if you even find him again, or remember him...) to provide for you and be the father for your child. I'm not sure many guys would think a woman who sleeps around like that is the kind of woman they want as the mother as their child, or a wife. And of course if you and your partner have only ever in your lives had sex with each other then the risk of STD's is extremely low. Studies show that if both partners are virgins before marriage, then they have the highest liklehood of never divorcing, higher chance than all the other couples who had sex with other people. And studies show that women who were vigins before marriage are the most sexually satisfied, and rate their sex lives as more enjoyable and fulfilling than the other couples surveyed. Basically it looks like the optimum scenario is to have one partner, and you both commit to each other for a long time (could be marriage, whic is for life). This way each time you have sex you are also learning and improving for the next time. You would learn exactly what feels best for your partner and vice versa, you partner very adept at making you feel good. I don't think some floozy on a drunken one night stand could compete against sex with your loving wife of 20 years who knows exactly how to make you feel good. And who will be there in the morning, hasn't slinked back to her home in "the walk of shame" that casual sex practitioners become proficient at.

Jaja Binks Sex being only for reproduction is just a theory I do not believe. That sounds cultist.

ravindra gaikwad o

Maybe not, but it needs repeating until Joe Public gets the message, "Don't let the media dictate your conformity to unproven standards of alleged normality."

If you don't understand, how can you be certain it's worthless? Maybe you should rewatch it until you DO understand. Then you will be able to definitively say whether it's of value.