Undoing My Father’s Damage - Onyango Otieno (Rix poet) 

This story is fresh to me all the time I narrate it. I've come so far. I'm so grateful for the power of healing. There is hope for all of us.

At times our parents are the first bullies and heartbreakers we encounter in this world...more power to you for sharing your story and becoming👏👏👏

I love Rix. I have learned a lot by following his healing journey on social media and I must say he's a rare kind of a man. Not many men openly talk about their struggles with their mental health. In fact, not many men are ever willing to talk about their strained relationships with their fathers and probably address the trauma that results from toxic families. Rix has led the way and more men should emulate him.

06:57 'I was accustomed to being beaten up' 😔 08:23 'People were so used to screams in my house' 😔 10:27 'What I do know is I couldn't walk for two weeks' 😞 13:14 'I grew up in so much silence' 😔 19:04 'There's just a tiredness to life' 😔 I am so sorry for your ten year old experience and the mental health challenges it brought into your life 21:32 'I was loved' ❤ 22:47 'The more I spoke up... the more I related to others... 23:04 our upbringing, our socialisation, we are told, toughen it up... we are not meant to bottle it up; we are meant to talk 23:38 we are meant to love; we are meant to express ourselves' 23:58 'so many of us are living with so much shame that we didn't cause ourselves... so that we are ashamed to really live in our truth' 'No matter how much the affliction you've been through as a person, as a community, as a family, 24:36 you are willing, if you want, to get better: it's possible... your trauma does not have to define you; I am defined by love' ❤ Such a beautiful, hopeful, peaceful end. May you continue in peace.

"it was the fact that I could name my pain, that's what made me heal".. Profound

Wow.... Reminds me to be careful as a parent. Thanks Otieno for your vulnerability.

This is deep, l feel like everyone should embrace therapy to heal from childhood traumas we grew up in to avoid raising another generation in toxicity.

Childhood traumas are real, especially where toxic parents are concerned. Like you, when I learned to recognize and name my pain ,healing began. God above all.

"I am hear because I clearly survived" Oooh dear you grew in what you went through😌 Thanks to the power of healing. I am sending you all the love ❤️

Thanks for sharing your story. I can totally relate. Still dealing with childhood trauma, sometimes it feels like i have forgotten but the truth is that my memory has locked those occurrences somewhere so far as a way to protect me from the pain of the past. One day at a time.

I've really cried...... I just remembered my childhood memories. Sad sad sad

Thanks for sharing your story. Childhood trauma is so real, some of us are still on the healing journey.

It takes being deliberate to look our hurt in the eye, call it out and take steps to heal from it. It's sad that our parents can and have caused us so much pain. In my journey, I have learnt that it's as a result of them dealing with their own demons. It has taken a deliberate self - love journey (part of the journey was publishing a book on the subject) to separate myself from the pain and heal; it still hurts sometimes but the journey continues. I pray that our parents heal and generation after generation parents do the work to be better and avoid the cycle. Home is supposed to be our safe space and when it's not, it's a terrible thing. May we all be better.

I feel so much love for you. I lost my beloved cousin to suicide many years back. You are indeed doing it! And giving hope to so so many. Keep going! You are divine, an extension of God. A spiritual being. Don’t ever forget that. Much love ❤️

Am a poet, almost same story like mine. Poem is the only place i feel heard at the same time relieved. It is a different world away from the natural one. Where I ride a lion and sleep peacefully with snakes. You know👌🏽

Oh dear, may God heal the many children out there who are hurting and have gone through a traumatizing childhood.

Thats just me. I've forgiven my Dad, he's quite old now, but we can't have a father-son relationship. I'm still building on that. Pole ndugu.

I read a book called purple hibiscus by chimamanda the other day and in it there was a similar scene only that it was the feet that got burnt and I thought that that must be fictional. That it can only happen in novels. That no parent can put their kid through that. And now I'm listening to you and the book came to life. I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'm so happy that you've taken charge of your life and cut out that toxic parent. There's a reason you're alive today and you will touch and change more lives than you could ever imagine. Lots of love and virtual hugs.

Maaahn 🔥🔥you are so brave, Some of us still have traumas caused by our parents,we still carry the luggage around,not knowing how to drop it cause some traumas feel spiritual 🤞.... But at the end of the day we have to find peace and if we won't we'll have to create it.

Thank you for sharing. "Your trauma does not define you" thank you because that reminded me that my past does not define who I am either.

The pain in this story is so traumatising. The beauty about it though is that God has got you. You're alive for a reason.

Thanks Onyango for sharing your story with us😍❤️

Ooh my, that must have been a depressed parent, so sorry for that and glad you are healing may God continue to guide you.

Ooh No hugs my darling may God heal you.

Pole Onyango I feel you well well😥...you are Soo eloquent 💯✔️

I've listened/watched your story before, I think on Legally Clueless (Not sure). It's as educative today as the first time I listened. As a mum it teaches me: 1. I need to overcome my own traumas. 2. I need to practice intentional parenting especially listening to my child. May you keep healing and recovering emotionally.

I'm so sorry ❤😭😭. Thank you for opening up. I'm praying for continued strength.

Most of us our childhood was crazy but yours was crazier bro,i pray that you heal fully ,so sorry for what you went thru

This is so painful to listen to! It's unfathomable! May you find healing!

Wow...may we always create peace and love for ourselves

I watched your story somewhere I think in Justus' channel, it was quite chilling. Thank God you are healing.

deep. Thanks for sharing

Wow!!! This is too touchy.

So sorry. Quite a moving story.

Your story has deeply touched me, Onyango. I almost stopped watching at that moment when your dad brought kerosene and a rope because I couldn't stand what was going to happen next. Wueeh. Glad your survived the many incidents and that you are going through therapy now. You are a winner, man.

Kudos to those friends who came through for you. They are amazing and blessed

Thanks for sharing. This takes alot of courage to speak of.

Very deep. You are brave and thank you for touching lives.

This was a painful one to listen to because I have seen it. I'm glad you overcame.

Thank you Onyango for sharing this heartbreaking and power full story. I hope it inspires us all to embark on our journey to heal our traumas🙏

Much hugs on your healing journey

A story well told. I am so glad that God preserved you

Great life story to learn from....Thanks for enlightening many.....Lots of love..Hopefully we'll meet up!

Thank you for the story. It's awesome that you aspire to be the change that you want to see.👏👏👍

Toxic parents, childhood trauma, unstable marriage. Am glad blacks are starting to recognize what pain did to them. Talking about what the parents did, thats strength!!

Rix, your boldness to actually heal from all this 🥺❤

Go champ you are a wonderful person🎉

Much 💕 your way ,you overcame alot

So sorry for all you went through. What a monster dad

same boat..really eye opening

Feeling the fear and beyond....asante.

Beautiful 💕💐👌🏽

Proud of you. Thank you.

Thanks for sharing your story 😊. You just expressed what I have been going through without having the strength and words that you have. Thanks again God bless you for your bravery 🙏🙏

Thank you for your openness and vulnerability Eric. This takes alot of courage and growth.

Notifications gang here from Namibia 🇳🇦

This is deep!!

This has made me cry 😢 haki. What an animal kind of dad....

Touching how can one get to you a friend in that situation

This soo traumatic and ruthless for a 10yr old kid. Sad.

My God you are telling my story.I went through this……

Hugs and thank you for sharing this part of your life, sounds familiar but we are writing better stories for our children to tell...

This is so sad.

I can't finish listening to this 😥

I heard a pastor say that sometimes parents are angry and bitter with their colleagues, and other grownups but because they can't fight them, they only need a little trigger to descend in their helpless kids with kicks and blows 😭😭😭

RIX you are a legend. Keep inspiring us. Cb made me want to follow him for a minute. Waah! Story for another day.

I'm so sorry for what you had to go through💖

May God bless you all.

Love you❣❣ you are wise and enough

Such a bad father I am very upset with him Wherever he is , I hope he listens to this from his own son

This was amazing. Although you have not talked much about why your dad was sweet and bitter at the same time, I can see some traits of a narcissist from the way you describe his behavior. Having or growing up in a narcissistic environment can be very toxic for any child. I am close to one who was brought up and the mental disorder she has to fix at an old age is not worth it. It's devastating and draining. I hope you find peace.

Thank you so much for sharing so proud of you

I bet he never came back to apologize to the poor 10 year old boy. And that's what makes things so hard on the little boy at the time.

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾!

This story has reminded me how Michael Jackson dad mistreated them and the kids got stressed ,sometimes we as parents needs to rethink before we punish our kids,who said,lazima punishment be beaten,?

❤️

Your Dad was a cruel abuser , he must have carried that from his past , don’t hold so much forgive him . Thank him for giving you life , forgive him. Our parents went through so much abuse in form of discipline!!!!

Ati? Your mum was watching helplessly? Your uncle? No one could stop this madman from this abuse? Lord have mercy...

But his mother watched all this and did not do anything... yaanii!!! Aieh!!! Aieh!!! I have no words. He broke your trust. He broke your spirit!! It was the love betrayed by that absolute, controlled violence!!! Wooii... the trauma!!!

… something had broken…that took me.

Nooooooo. That's very cruel... just for a book????why didn't you mom intervene??? GOOD lord....

Francis onyiso harambe stars kiboko yao

Poor kid

This is painful. Unbelievable. And your mum did nothing? 10 years old? You were so young. Needed protection.

I went through a similar case my mum rushed to check where she kept her purse and missed it and thought I had stolen her cash she beat the hell out of me and at some point went for a panga I escaped through the window. I was only 15 in class eight. it still haunts me because i was innocent.

I'm not sure I can listen to the end

I am so sorry....... Oh so so tragic..... Parents really damage children.....

Lord God, give parents wisdom of how to raise children

Why is it that it's Mostly women relate with this

Have you forgiven your father ?

Waaa I don't like that crude child abuse seemingly discipline.. Really destroys self esteem.. So sorry