Upsilon Dies Backwards 

exurb1a: blah blah blah, epsilon depression, blah blah blah, horse rabbit pelican, blah blah blah Zeus, nebula Me: complete lack of cognitive function or any sensory response.

When Oliver said “hehhhh” and Agatha then replied “hmmmh” I really felt that

Moral of story: Horses are alcoholics.

The dog disliking Pavlov was comedic genius.

"the quark stars all strange and charming" God I love when astronomy and quantum physics come together for a perfect joke

The horse's story: 0:00 - 0:56 5:24 - 6:27 8:43 - 10:04 Oliver's story: 0:57 - 2:57 6:28 - 7:10 10:05 - 12:05 I don't even know: 2:57 - 4:27 7:10 - 7:52 12:05 - 13:21 Upsilon's story: 4:27 - 5:23 7:52 - 8:43 13:21 -14:24

Someone: inception is too complex and hard to understand Exurb1a: hold the horse's beer

A surrealist fantasy, sci-fi horror, modern romance, and philosophical rambling all rolled into one coherent story

"im no fun for anyone" "Relax, this won't hurt." No joke, the nod to Thompson's suicide note brought me to tears.

my name is Oliver, I own a newfoundland dog and live on the top floor in an apartment building... Time to find Agatha?

So the layers are: Dream (bar) -> held by Oliver (love story) -> is a dream held by Zeus (AI for a ship, programmed by real Oliver) -> is being recalled by Upsilon, Zeus's miserable child with a sentient Nebula. Upsilon explodes backwards in time and some of his molecules are used to form Oliver and Agatha.

This would be an incredible Christopher Nolan movie. Have you ever considered writing actual movie scripts? I mean your videos are small movies themselves but on a much, much bigger scale?

that love story was actually really nice and intercut with all of that madness just made it all the sweeter

I'm in a weird superposition of understanding this video and being utterly confused by it.

“I forgot you weren’t forever, and now you’re gone forever” -Exurbia 2019

10:45 "happiness is an unachievable myth, peddled by those to afraid to admit the world's default state is misery" 12:33 "...came, all this way, just to go home" damn. so much said, yet with little spoken.

It is about a year ago now that lost my mother to cancer. ‘I go to the places where you raised me and it never helps, you’re always never there’ hits me so hard every time I hear it, it’s something I could never have put into words

- Is 3 alot? - Depends on context. Dollars? No. Exurb1a's videos in a row? Yes.

exurb1a: "Haha funny wheel of alien game fun and animals in bars" also exurb1a: "You could be a dream and you would never know also existence is pain"

Bro I played this in the background while sleeping and it influenced my dreaming so much it was an incredible experience.

That was the greatest 14 minute video I have ever watched. So creative and profound and I managed to connect with all of the characters in a span of only 14 minutes!!

Never have I once understood so much and so little simultaneously.

Every exurb1a video is "Maybe nothing is real, i should really talk to that girl"

"Came all this way just to go home." While we're all here plucking out the quotes that spoke to us, this was the one that called out to me.

Okay, but Oliver and Agatha's story actually made me tear up. Would that life had that much meaning and destiny. 😭

exurb1a : *uploads RU-vid video with extreme existential crisis and nihilism* Also exurb1a: Category Comedy

My girlfriend: “He’s probably cheating on me.” Me at 2 am:

This video made me realize I need to call my mom tommorow and that the universe will all have been worth it if there's just one moment where Agatha and Oliver meet.

"Mom..." "yes?" "The turtle is making me depressed"

this feels more like a decade than 15 minutes

Looks like exurb1a accidentally uploaded all his videos for the year

Still one of the most beautiful stories I've heard. I come back to it often

"I was so busy being young I forgot you weren't forever. And now you're gone forever" That's too deep for me

"And a youtuber named Exurb1a that will make awfully amazing videos every time" said the bear. "Finally a good idea" said the goose *Bear put it in*

The story unraveled: 0 - Athena becomes "awakened," and gains intelligence and awareness. 1 - Horse, Barman, and Pelican exist in the mind of Oliver, a starship AI coder. 2 - Oliver meets Agatha, and sees a beautiful woman. They fall in love. 3 - Oliver programs a starship AI. 4 - the AI made by Oliver gains consciousness, and calls itself Zeus. 5 - Zeus meets Athena, they fall in love, and have a kid named Upsilon. 6 - Upsilon dies backwards in time, and his center makes up ~34 humans on earth, including Oliver and Agatha.

0:00 dream 0:57 oliver introduction 2:57 zeus/ spaceship 4:28 upsilon 5:24 dream part two 6:28 back to oliver 7:10 zeus/spaceship 7:53 back to upsilon 8:43 dream part three 10:05 oh my god.. its oliver. 12:06 zeus/spaceship 13:21 upsilon

If there's one thing I do love... It's the persistent narrative of nihilistic optimism in ex's videos. Nothing makes sense forever. Nothing matters eventually. But for now? You exist. Be happy about that.

This might be the closest three uploads from exurb1a we will ever see

nobody: me talking to a girl: "horse walks in bar."

Contrary to what most people say, his works really have deeper meanings and i love it

I think I’ve stumbled upon the greatest RU-vid algorithm for it to show me your videos. I’ve learned to prioritize compassion, I’ve cried at an homage to your grandmother, and now I’m here, just appreciating this all came from one human who gifted us with these works of art.

"All the quark stars are too strange and charming" That's a good one.

“A spacecraft full of blood and entrails, reaching out to kiss a cloud of interstellar dust..There’s a romance to it, if one doesn’t look too closely.”

The ShadowFrax reference was lovely.

Third time have I watched this and for the third time, I just cried my eyes out. No one has ever been able to portray the fleeting existence of life, the humility of one's own insignificance in the grand scheme of things, and the meaning of life in the absurdity of it all quite like you have, sir. Watching your videos is truly cathartic every single time, thank you ❤

Nobody: exurb1a: Did somebody order an existential crisis?

"Happiness is an unachievable myth peddled by those too afraid to admit that the world's default state is misery" Damn that hits hard..

God the part where Upsilon talks about his mom at the end hit me like a damn truck

How dare you expose me to something so ridiculously beautiful that I should cry at my job this way.

As a horse, my face wasn't the only thing that was long when I saw the notifications.

“He dislikes pavlofs experiments” this is more then genius and gets better with every rewatch

If you put this on 0.75 speed, it feels even more like a dream. And you can also appreciate this masterpiece better

"This won't hurt", oof literally oof, this what everybody should when they are living their lives

The dream lasted a night Oliver lasted a lifetime Zeus lasted for generations Upsilon lasted for a millennia

"Empire's go up and down like socks" instant classic

I love every second of this. Your work always makes me feel something, even if its the 50th time i'm watching it. Thank you

“Shut it, El-ahrairah” One of the best references I’ve ever seen XD

such a sad story. the pelican didn't get any fish.

Whatever goes on inside this man's head, I still can't tell if I like or fear

Anyone else use videos like this to cope with their actual crippling insanity? Just me? Thanks, exurb1a, for keeping me out of the psych ward

"Quark stars are all to Strange and Charming for me anyway" - my favorite line

"And a robot that puts peoples limbs up on the walls of a spaceship inside some guys head!" said the bear. "That seems awfully specific, I don't think that is too god of an idea..." sais the duck. Bear put it in. Thank you bear.

I have become far too invested in the lives of Agatha and Oliver

Sir. You have no right to be this excellent

Almost all of your work puts me into a state of sadness to where I have to go somewhere private so I can cry like you do when you are a child who experience their first permanent loss.. Now as I havent called my dad in 8 years, because of a serious betrayal I am just gonna give him a call, tell him I love him then just forgive him even if he doesnt respond as I want, so after that I am going to go make my mother dinner, laugh and just enjoy her presence.. thanks mate P.S. you are changing the world... step by step, person by person.. dont ever give up.. I dont know you but I am sure as fuck proud of your humanity and existence.. You are a true artist, your videos arent just that, they are undeniable art that comes from the deepest parts within, pieces of purpose and meaning that take alot of thought and raw emotion. - Todd

“I spent so much time being young, that I forgot you weren’t forever. And now you’re gone. Forever.”

*EXPLANATION* There are four story lines that all play into one: *Bar Dream:* - Three animals are in a bar; a pelican, horse, and rabbit. The animals are the Id, Ego, and Super Ego of Oliver (as evidenced by the fact that they have no past and all know of Agatha), who have become conscious and are living in the dream Oliver later wakes up from . - The horse is having an existential crisis, when the rabbit says "I think Schopenhauer said it best when he said" before getting cut off by the pelican. The end of his sentence would have been "the world is my representation", as this is one line Schopenhauer is most famous for, and it comes from his view that people's "will" is a blind force that controls not only the actions of individual intelligent agents, but ultimately all observable phenomena. This is foreshadowing the fact that it was Upsilon (the lonely star who died backward) who willed the universe to go back in time, and suggests that Upsilon's will/desire to be reunited with Athena (his mother the nebula) is still having an effect on the universe and the way things play out in the universe. *Oliver (the Coder of Zeus' AI) and Agatha's Romance:* - Agatha is reading the book "A Scanner Darkly" when she first sees Oliver. Her book is about an undercover cop who has to wear a disguise in every day life, which makes her think about the way Oliver is dressed. He seems to be trying, but failing, to dress himself "properly", which makes her wonder if he, like her, is also just trying to fit in while hiding his true self from the world. - It is mentioned that Oliver and Agatha are each one of 34 humans on earth who are made up of atoms "forged in the heart of a long dead star" (Upsilon, the lonely star, that later explodes backwards in time to restart the universe.) - Oliver and Agatha's romance is "the reunification of the heart of a long dead star, still yet to explode many millions of years in the future", since it is often described that atoms are forged in "the hearts of stars", and Oliver and Agatha are made of Upsilon's atoms. - Oliver turns out to be the coder for Zeus' (the ship's) AI, which is evidenced by the fact that the ship constantly dreams of Oliver and Agatha's love story, and by the fact that the animals discover they are in the dream of a human man who is a coder for starship AIs. - Upsilon's atoms, existing as Oliver, were able to influence him to build the AI for the ship that would one day be the father of Upsilon. This fits well with what is supposed to be implied by Oliver's adoration of the work of Andrei Tarkovsky, a filmmaker who's first feature film "Ivan's Childhood", is often described as having "a poetic sense for the dreamlike hold of memory". Other films of his, such as "Solaris", set in space, is described as being "an eerie meditation on the persistence of memory", and "Mirror", is described as "unfolding with the associative logic of a dream. Fragments of memory from his childhood are woven in with narration of his father Arseny’s poems, on time and immortality." - Agatha, who is also made up of Upsilon's atoms, likes the writing of Isaac Asimov since he wrote "The Last Question" in which the last intelligence alive at the end of time restarts the universe. This story reminds her subconscious of Upsilon, the star she is made of, which died backwards reversing time to the beginning of the universe to go back and spend another hour with Athena, the mother nebula he was formed in. *Zeus (the ship), human passenger, and Athena (the nebula)* - The AI of a human built ship has become conscious, and demands the last remaining human crew to call it "Zeus". The ship is on its way to a nebula that the ship later names "Athena". In Greek Mythology, Athena is Zeus' oldest and most beloved child. - The romance between Oliver and Agatha is continually dreamt about by Zeus (the ship). The AI for the ship that becomes conscious was programmed by Oliver, which is both why it has memory of their past romance and why it longs to go to Athena the nebula; Zeus is drawn to the nebula by "the persistence of Upsilon's memory" which must have been programmed into him by Oliver. Later, together, Zeus and Athena can give birth to the star Upsilon who can then spend more time with his mother and father as he willed would happen before he chose to "die backwards". - The ship refers to the only human passenger as "the Fatted calf"; the Fatted calf is a metaphor or symbol of festive celebration and rejoicing for someone's long-awaited return. Slaughtering this livestock was to be done on rare and special occasions (originally the prodigal son's return). This shows that the ship is aware that it is returning to the nebula, despite never having been there in this timeline, further enforcing the idea that Upsilon's consciousness, or will, has circled back through time and has been persistent throughout the storyline. - In the end, the remaining passenger is allowed to go back in his mind to his favorite place, which he reveals to be a beach with his grandfather where they "would all look up at the stars and wish to go there, to kill the id, and foster the superego". This suggests that the grandfather was Oliver, and the use of "we all" was meant to suggest his grandmother Agatha was there as well. *Upsilon's Story* - "Old and stupid", lonely Upsilon, hates himself, chooses to "die backwards" (commit suicide to make a statement). His will ultimately reverses time to the beginning of the universe. (This invokes "the grandfather paradox", since it suggests Upsilon played a role in his own creation.) Upsilon was dealing with many of the concepts that philosophers have been dealing with for a long time, such as how to deal with the fact that suffering seems to be a necessary element in life, the meaningless of existence, the desire for objective answers, the inevitability and permanence of death, how to deal with loss, how one should live "the good life", etc. - At one point, Oliver thinks to himself "young and stupid Oliver, and no one comes to visit" after realizing that he had waited too long to pursue Agatha, which is the same as when Upsilon thinks to himself "old an stupid Upsilon, no one came to visit" when he realized he had waited too long to appreciate the time he spent with his mom. - I think the story is a commentary on the importance of not wasting time, and on the importance of appreciating what you have instead of ignoring the present moment in pursuit of something objective, which doesn't ultimately exist. Upsilon, a great cosmic entity, dies just like the rest of us. By any standard, he had lived an amazing life, and yet he still feels like he missed the point of existence. In his dying speech, he says: "Before (in-front of) me, the empires go up and down like socks, every society unique in its infancy, entirely unoriginal in its death. And even us celestial things are no closer to the great yes (objective answers or meaning), the universe coughs and we all crowd around, cupping our ears, shouting "what? I didn't quite catch that, speak up", like some 4 legged animal entering a drinking establishment; being, is a terrible joke. And we've become mysteries to ourselves. At a pace so slow, one doesn't notice, one turns into something one doesn't recognize. I've made the arrangements, I'll be fireworks soon. And maybe one day, soil for something better. I go to seek "a great perhaps" (peace with one's self) now. I remember when the world was still new, I remember when chemistry had just gotten its milk teeth, I remember when light was faster, I remember being able to stand myself, I remember love, I remember friends, I remember me, I remember Mom. I miss you mom. I go to the places where you raised me and it never helps, you are almost never there. God, I'd trade the last million years just to hangout with you for one more hour. I was so busy being young I forgot you weren't forever, and now you're gone forever." - Upsilon, through the power of his will and his memory, was able to restart time to get a second chance at the things that were most important to him. The elation was evident in the reunification of Zeus and Athena as they celebrated their long awaited reunion. In some sense, it was the same characters and the same love story all throughout the plot. Upsilon got his second chance to make things right, but there is no guarantee that we will, so let's pay a little more attention to the now, love a little more right now, and make sure we get things right the first time :)

This is the best video in this platform

Upsilon is Oliver and Agatha- fuck I get it now thats why later Oliver says "Young and stupid Oliver, and no one comes to visit." Reborn from the phrase, "Old and stupid Upsilon and no one comes to visit."

"Oh, I'm feeling too existential to sleep!" Everyone felt that

Ah yes, Time for my tri-annual dose of crippling existentialism. Brilliant.

Hi, in the off chance you read this: I am so thankful for finding your channel as it truly resonates with me. Thank you for your beautiful content that makes me feel understood and helps me reflect on life. I wish you nothing but the best.

I never realized how close the storyline was to The Fifth Science. Great read, really enjoy the first couple of chapters

everybody gansta until exurb1a uploads 3 vids in 2 mins

dont watch all 3 at the same time your head goes boom

I find the idea of thought coming about in a scale of the cosmos ever so beautiful, It makes a fair bit of sense, if you assume the brain creates thought out of the molecular principles of electrical impulses

I'm... very impressed. Glad that I found your channel a while ago.

Everyone's talking about the 3 uploads at once, and not these 4 stories being told at the same moment

I truly wish I could watch this for the first time again

0:26 notice the little cough in the silence. it's perfect, that's a fact.

This is unlike anything I've seen on RU-vid, but it is so unique and beautiful that it's a shame that not many people know about this

This video perfectly describes how math is taught in school.

Said it before and saying it again, one of the best pieces of art in modern history

Came back to this video for the feels

"I was so busy being young I forgot you weren't forever." I miss my mom, man.

You made the horse joke interesting. That's what I took from this, it's possible to make the horse joke interesting.

the pulp fiction reference in the biggening with the pelican is so fine bro

I think, no, I know that after seeing this video about six times, I can say with full confidence that I love this video. Good job, space turtle. Good job.

Each one of these videos feels like a critically acclaimed feature length film

*_W E ' R E A L L G O N N A F U C K I N G D I E_*

This is my favorite video on youtube now

I keep rewatching this, and everytime I do, it's like I'm watching it for the first time again.. This is my favourite video on RU-vid, and nothing can ever ruin this.

"I'm full up with before" The most poetic way of saying: "I'm too old for this."

Watching an exurb1a video is like unwrapping a present from a friend. You dont know what you will get but you know you'll love it regardless.

i can only watch one of your video a day. i allow myself 1 existential crisis- as a treat

"...and no one comes to visit" shall henceforth become my mantra whenever a surly mood strikes

...hahaha another funny exurb1a video, right guys? Guys? Am I real?

Y'know, I don't think I've ever cried during a "Horse walks into a bar" joke but I guess there's a first time for everything So thanks Exurbia You insane, philosophical, immature, genius bastard Keep it up

I love how those videos simultaneously destroy my mental health and build it back up.

the very last written words of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson. Beautiful.