WATCH OUT for the insidious communal narcissist 

I think that even the narcs who are not sure if they are narcs know deep down inside that their behaviors are not okay and are destructive. The thing with narcissists is that they are very effective at being able to compartmentalize. They push everyone else’s wrong doings to the front of their head and their own wrong doings to the back of their head. Even the some narcissists who you are referring to still know deep in their bones that what they are doing on a regular basis is wrong. They have just been able to convince their self at surface level that it’s not or that it’s justified

I know one like that. Absolutely. They’re not high profile either.

My neighbor is like that.

I don’t get how they don’t know

​@meredithyoung9200 they are incapable of self-reflection.

You should see the twin flame shit on quora.

Some vegans are like this. I know of one who caused her dog to be put down because she refused to feed him proper food and he became ill. She (for a time) was in a relationship with a friend of my partner's so she could get money out of him and she mistreated her children too. My partner's friend had a nervous break down (there were many other things that happened to him before she came along, like his father dying and witnessing a murder) but she was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. For a time, she dumped the dog and cat on him and they thrived under his care but she eventually forced him to hand them back and it was after this that the poor dog was put down - I believe she did it partly to spite him because he really got attached to the animals and he's not really recovered. I hope the authorities caught up with her as she owed a lot of money to the council and I was always worried about her son as he had a disability and she'd been keeping him out of school.

I've come to find that the so called "religious" people are the worst. In church every Sunday and always quoting the Bible but acting like devils every day.

I worked with a woman like that, one day she saw I was listening to "Lamb of God", its a metal band. She said, " I didn't know yuou were a Christian too...." she was so nice to me after that!

@@greatgownsbeautifulgowns Why I quit going.

@@greatgownsbeautifulgowns Thank you! I always tell people there is a difference. I am still a Christian but I am no longer a "church girl".

What’s that saying, going to church makes you a Christian just like going into a garage makes you a car…

Smart girl! 😊

And then you get accused later of being manipulative

​@@Calibri57 because that is manipulation

Smart! 🧠❤️Good for you. There was no asking for money. We just waited... Because we already knew better. The answer was not only no. Gaslight

Learned Behavior born out of necessity? Or... I remember doing that when asking to go out to play/free time.

Hope you get a different therapist.

@@sh6460 Yeah, I got another one already.

Same. But she's still alive and only has two dogs thank Allah (there were four last year). I'm so sorry you had to go through that. 💜

I am so sorry you were put through that crap. 😢 I tell you, people are so judgemental when it comes to daughters and their mothers when they have no clue what is really going on! I've been in the same boat. F those ignoramuses! 😂🤬

I can relate. I feel its super frustrating being the child of a communal narcissist. I makes your life harder depending on their reach. Going to your hometown can be a nightmare.

Like we were somehow supposed to know what was happening to us and been psychic enough to understand their intentions

ANYONE can be tricked. You're not stupid YOU ARE TRICKED by an arse hat

I was blocked by the conditioning. It takes healing to not act as they planned for me to act.

​@@michignamymichigan 🤔

What’s the lesson to learn there?

tell me about it

My husband made a big donation to a charity but can’t be bothered to order food for us when he gets C0V!D at the same time I have joint replacement surgery. Or, he spends $2500 on an injured kitten that probably should have been euthanized but won’t take our cats to the vet when they show a symptom that needs to be addressed.

Both my parents

Exactly. That quote by Maya Angelou is my favorite mantra 🙏

Yes. I have seen this many times.

I'm so sorry. Moments like this are soul crushing. I remember moments like this would make me worry that people would side with my attacker and I wouldn't be able to escape.

Wow! That sounds like something mine would do.

​@@AngelsHikari those people need to go to hell

There are the every day , consistent, roll up the sleeve vollinteers... then there is (usually) an executive committee that turns up to a random working bee for the photo and validation.

it ahppens all the time, that's also why these organizations are so inefficient, they're all about fluffing narcissists, not actually fixing issues (that's a side effect)

You poor thing. 😢🤦‍♀️

@@msjannd4 thanks. She's long gone and I don't have to deal with any trouble she lands herself in. One of her biggest problems was she seemed to have zero concept of consequences or how something might turn out. Everyone else B follows A. Her A then 5v7ut7845jhhzzr??!!? I'm trying to figure out why she was like that

Oh my. So sorry. Some people!

as someone who knew refugees from Vietnam, i consider these protestors to be evil.

It was bible verses for me

Please create / get people to help out with tall, thick and fast growing privacy hedges. There are hedges that are made specifically to keep neighbours out. This is so disturbing ʕ⁠ಠ⁠_⁠ಠ⁠ʔ

That's my father. He can't do it now as he is 80 but he insisted on doing my garden despite me saying "not right now, it's not convenient", due to my health issues. Never takes no for an answer and angrily did the garden for years. So nasty, he ruined my joy over having a new home. My mother would insist on doing my housework while I was at work, with products that set off my allergies and I'd have to do things again. Then whe you're not happy, you're labelled ungrateful. Doing good isn't forcing people to do as you say, they didn't get that message. What's galling is, if I ask for help with something, it's the contempt and disdain, no we are too busy!

Yes, My neighbor wanted to help me with a home project and ended up becoming obsessed and obsessive with being around me. Calling, texting and then getting angry if I didn’t answer within hours. I saw the signs and set boundaries with him. He went into victim mode and acted like a child when I told him I cannot have him around anymore. I feel so free from his toxic energy. He definitely was a “altruistic” narcissist who liked using his power to manipulate and control.

Sounds like it could be an introvert as well. But they would probably just get exhausted and go to bed without forcing anyone out.

@@ct6852 Not an introvert - got kicked out because a new neighbor asked them to come over for drinks!

@@kathiemihindukulasuriya1538 Oh...yeah that's sus. Reminds me a bit of my histrionic friend that invited 12 people over once for a small party on Saturday then forgot to show up. Because he made other plans. Lol. (No other choice but to laugh at this shit sometimes).

Anyone who calls themselves an empath is immediately suspect.

WOW! Bye, girl!

Shaman haha Every time a narcissist gets called out they project on you and run

Oh my god…how awful….

I have experienced this same scenariofrom my mother as well. My advice to you.... BOUNDARIES. I have had to place a Boundary in front of my mother's bad behavior, to protect me- my home- my children from her toxic behavior. Stay strong, BOUNDARIES will save your sanity. IT is not you... IT is your mother's behavior that has caused the 'Appropriate Boundary ' before her 'behavior'. Stay safe... be Well friend.

I know what it’s like to love your mom and yet realize that she is not able to nurture you. I’ve learned to be more of the parent in that role, giving her exactly what I need and ignoring what she won’t give me. I say to myself, “well that’s just Mom.” If you plan to have a relationship with her as she gets older then master these skills now. My Mom just got meaner with age. I also talked my Mom into taking Paxil, and that helped a lot!

No doubt the presents are meant to keep you indebted to her. Very familiar pattern.

​@@joannageorge7305 I have a complex about "gifts" because of all the manipulation and strings attached.

​@@publicserviceannouncement4777absolutely! I am sus of anyone who is overtly generous. Even family

100% .. and NOW 'she' has a whole CULT of followers .. big animal rescuer .. People have NO idea how truelly EVIL she is

Your statement hits home 💯. A number of wars started this way.

Its all so confusing and isolating

@@Rachopin77 yes it is. It's still heartbreaking for me.

I get you. My husband is a minister (walking with the devil) narc, that always shares his accolades with me all the time, it's a way to make sure you don't see the true person. I'm so disgusted with all that.

This broke my heart, because I never think of it that way. You describe my step mom…she only get lovey-dovey with me in front of my dad. She been teacher for years and same thing and always has IEP meetings

Most of these Cluster Bs flock around jobs who empower them in some way. For a while it seemed you were talking about dear old mom...yeah, working late hours as kids wait in the stairways because they have no key to get in, or leaving kids unattended and waiting for hours at a bus stop..*sigh*

YES! Same here. The jealousy is very scary. I actually don’t leave any open drinks around. I’m afraid I’ll be poisoned. The victimhood is infuriating. I could go on for days with examples.

Me too Helena and I love showing them what a true genuine empath is,allowing them to see how truly fake they are,causing them to get jealous in front of a true empath such as myself.

@EH I hope you or some other teachers told her. if not - You can always send her this video ;-)

​@@stefanlindstrom-entreprenologyEven if she sent her this video, she wouldn't recognize herself in the descriptions provided. Narcissists don't see themselves the way others do.

I think a movie called BAD TEACHER with CAMERON DIAZ is your story. Got to watch it😂

Oh and hugs.

@@delilahhart4398 you are most likely right. Perhaps in a state of total denial. I wonder what it takes to convince a narci. Maybe Dr.Ramani will do a video of that. I recently asked a covert narci, - so your wife does not wanna talk with you, your 4 children do not wanna have contact, and your 2 sisters said after your mother's funeral - we don't wanna have contact with you. Can you see a thread here? - the covert narcissist - still thinks everyone is against him.

We call that go-along-to-get-along. It’s what the German people did to survive during Hitler’s reign of terror. If they spoke up against the regime, they would also be carted off and put to death. It’s where do we draw the line?

Agreed!

You were his accomplice.

@@chayo4537 accomplice implies knowledge of wrong doing. I didn't know. I was just one of the many people he conned.

@@l.j.2624 does he not fear retribution?

@@David-eu1ms psychopaths don't fear much apparently. His mask as a do gooder usually confuses people enough that they think they did something wrong when they get conned by him.

I was “friends” with such an individual for many years. Due to a confluence of circumstances it was abruptly and shockingly made clear to me who he was. I get you. These people are a TOTAL mind f*ck. I left immediately but it takes months or years for the mind fog to completely clear. I now fully get how people get sucked into cults. The charismatic psychic energy these people emit is mind boggling.

Did not know that about Andy Warhol - always nice to hear about genuine people. George Michael also did a lot of good behind the scenes that only came to light after his death because he asked people not to tell.

How could Andy Warhol not be recognized?

@@kathiemihindukulasuriya1538 ANDY WARHOL was not a good person, but a total narcissist that destroyed lives. Eddie Sedgwick comes immediately to mind.

@@NediSafa Take off his wig.

Andy Warhol was not charitable, he was a destructive narcissist.

You handled a difficult situation beautifully.

Sad and painful life….. I share similar pain w/uncle who had passed away; however, I thought I would be happy when he passed but when I heard my cousins get up and talk about their great memories while sobbing end up feeling much grief for them but not him. I was molested by him also and now and then I still smell his disgusting breath. I was 11 years old when that started happening. I am 55. I think everyone has screwed up family members somewhere down the line.

@@tinaknutsen Thankyou for your empathy, and I have much respect for your ability to endure such pain and suffering. It has always puzzled me as to how they can inflict such misery upon their own family and yet abhor such behaviour happening outside of it. But I guess they are so detached from themselves psychologically that they have no full awareness of their actions. But they must. So they lie to themselves. And hope no one exposes them for that would bring shame upon the family. And probably blame upon the victimized child as well. The dance of deception we watch and the reign of fear and loathing we had to deal with every day. I send love to you from NZ Tina.

I forgot to add that later on when I got older, I came to realize that it was all about being able to say that SHE cooked everything and the glory that came along with being able to say that she did-- even though she obviously didn't do it all by herself. If somebody said what a great job that she did cooking all the food, she would never stop to correct them and say that I helped too. When the subject came up again recently and I reiterated about how I stopped doing it because I didn't like the way she talked to me, her reply was something to the effect of "Well I needed your help." So basically I deserved to be spoken to like that because she thought I wasn't doing what she wanted me to do. There was never any apology or her saying that she didn't realized that she'd been speaking to me like that or that she didn't mean it.

@@astridmiller7938 Thank you!♥️

@@31968cd Exactly! Nobody ever thinks about whoever cleans up. They pretty much just expect it to magically get done with no questions asked. Maybe it's just me, but I think people tend to make more of a mess when they know somebody else will clean it up after them.

I am sorry to hear you went through that. I was also married to one. He did all kinds of favors and drew fan art for celebrities to kiss their butts. He said he was "destined" to work for the Muppets. Yeah…no. Nobody is destined to work for one company or another. He would throw tempertantrums over the dumbest stuff, and bragged about his angry-face he made when he would rage. I wish I had known what this was all about before I even dated him. We were in a long distance relationship before we got married halfway across the USA. Never again. I believe you and your feelings are valid.

Yes, bye! Run!

Good for you! Who needs ungrateful friends.

@@ebony41441 100%!

Yep! My condolences, truly!!

Exactly

And when the person fights them for having their space invaded all of a sudden their violent and emotionally volatile

Yes. They re making a profit while exploiting people s vulnerabilities.

That sounds really sickening.

Those video's drive me nuts, so I by-pass them. The first few were nice, then it became a "thing".

She's awful 😮

Yes! I immediately said the same thing! It’s MM

It's ALL of those hollywood types. Ugh. Communal narcissists by day and pedos by night.

Yall really don't like that woman. Yall talk about Charles Manson and the royal inbred family with more compassion

You could be a detective. But then why are you with narcissists your whole life. Oxymoronic

Excellent example, and Meghan Markle is another.

My stepmother & half siblings, after my Dad's terminal ALS diagnosis, before his recent death. Heart-breaking :(

You're right. It is evil. Im just curious. I have a sis in law that I believe is a narc. And I believe she has turned my bro against us to a degree. Do you think she turned your bro against the family?

@@Kontroversial84 She tried. But he loves me and she hates that

@@brigitteleafbarnes1441 Sooo sorry for ur lose. As i am for all those grieving.

Don't speak maiming into existence my friend even if you feel like that at times. Spelling and words cast spells

My pastor father had zero love. He was a sadistic narc, but I went on to marry a communal narc who is trying to be nicer than God, who he rejects!! He posed as a believer of some sort for years. You are not alone!! I'm trying to get a divorce from mine, and he is desperately love bombing me and our disabled daughter who I now take care of, without him. I never did ANYTHING right, of course, when he was around so he took care of her. This type of narc is so sick, bc it subverts virtue and actually makes it a destructive vice!!

@@elizabethy2912 I'm very familiar with that dynamic, and it's very challenging :( Best of luck to you, I believe in you!

I am not really good at picking out narcissists too. I have found that looking at their eyes tells a story. Narcissists have really dead eyes.

That really is beautiful. ❤

I guess I should say ex partner

Flying monkeys?

I used to help stupid people build brands and content and WITHOUT a doubt, the most duplicitous and horrid evil clients were the ones working for the sweet buttery baby jesus. The grift was incredible and sooooo much inside joking.

She also had a big bank account in N Y.

@@momomasters not buttery 😂💜

@@irenehurtig266 pardon ? 👀

Yes! 😉👍

That’s normal even with healthy people. The difference is that they are aware of and learn how they handle praise and recognition. Some people were conditioned to expect praise and likes since kids and take that well into adulthood and some get addicted to it at some point in life.

I went through the same exact phase with MySpace and then Facebook years and years ago and just like you said it got old and so did I. I'm not on any social media now because I just don't care to be on it. I'm constantly criticized for not being on Facebook and/or Instagram by the people who can't eat a simple meal or sit still for 5 minutes without taking a picture to post on social media.

Amen...it helps emmensly even after all these years...I understand much better what shaped the life I've lead. It helps me love my parents and just wish they had the chance to hear Dr. Ramani..maybe they'd still be alive, regardless I appreciate looking at them in anew way...Godbless and Thankyou....it's a battle after being Gaslite in life, we all have...hurt people hurt people. Stops here. Namaste

@@Damesplace best wishes ❤

@@vlrissolo And to You, we are in together to just do better with the knowledge. Godbless

It might help to reframe that to be about their behavior and its consequences, rather than about their personality. It's not discrimination on "just" a personality trait. I'm also autistic, BTW, and that does pose some unique challenges with all this.

I’m autistic too. After a lifetime of not understanding that and especially my PDA, of feeling inadequate and lazy and antisocial and experiencing a lot of bullying at school, in relationships, and at work, once I got some help and realised I was neurodiverse (in my 50s) and not actually all those labels, I couldn’t help but become fascinated by the DSM-5; and particularly the narcissistic behaviours I seemed to attract as an obvious target during my compliant years (most of my life). It became a special interest. I think where we draw the line is where our traits harm others. PDA is a great example. I have an inbuilt opposition reflex to any demand upon my time, even from things that I myself love doing. I have been pressured into doing stuff so much in every area of my life. I had to be the smartest and prettiest kid. I had to be the most attractive and sexy girlfriend. I had to be the hardest worker. I was never good enough. To start with the pda was relief from constant masking, recovery from extroverting all day to please others, hibernating became a form of self defense, but when it became an habitual response, it was very helpful to have someone close to me say ‘Take time out and just consider it. Before you say no.’ My pda would even resist the time out when my overtaxed autistic brain would be screaming for isolation and peace. A living contradiction. But if my inability to respond positively to a request actually could result in harm being done to another, or myself, I needed help to become self aware in those moments. Narcissists are not consciously evil, I think, they are just reacting to their needs as they see them. However ignorance is not an excuse to do harm. I stopped taking it from narcs when I hit middle age and developed some self confidence. My personality includes a massive sense of justice. I am always, always for the underdog in pretty much any situation, even if that underdog is a narc- because like you I realise they can’t help it. However I will never be an enabler, and while my need to stand up to bullies sometimes results in severe consequences for the person that tries it these days, I still have massive empathy in the form of guilt the moment the worm turns. We can’t let our empathy allow someone to abuse anyone else though. That’s far worse. I personally haven’t been successfully bullied for years. I learned how to not present as a victim, and I notice the second someone starts trying to manipulate me or anyone around me and I point it out. I will say ‘this feels like you are setting me up to fail. Is that true?’ And they backtrack because being seen to be manipulative is not on their menu. They don’t own up, but they change the behaviour. Maybe my sense of justice isn’t reasonable- that is possible. However if you develop actual boundaries that have early alarm warnings for approaching violation, I am sure that is the reason why these bullies back slowly away as soon as their very first attempt at control causes me to turn and face them with eyes that see. I don’t tolerate any of those tricks. If someone gaslights, I call it out straight away. I allow no deflection to change the subject away from their behaviour. If I see that narcissist non apology in action, I tell them that’s not an apology and I tell them why. It’s important to remember, I think, that if you yourself are really and truly NTA in a given situation, then you are not responsible for how the other person feels about the consequences for their own bad behaviour.

I had a similar situation and I had to preserve my dignity and respect for myself first. Unfortunately they (the narcs ) could feel they won . I feel fortunate that I am older with alternatives. You have brought up some interesting possibilities.

I have Cerebral Palsy and something very similar to this happened to me in my teaching internship......She flat out said my dream of being a teacher was not meant to come true before she even saw me teach one lesson........She seemed to be annoyed when her ableist assumptions about my ability proved to be false and she began sabotaging my lessons and lying on me when she noticed the support I was receiving from my university supervisors students and other colleagues at the internship school......She was not interested in ANYTHING I did well and seemed to only be interested in finding things I needed to improve upon......when she couldn't find anything legitimate in my lessons to cite as an area of need she made things up....She actually said I was not fit to teach because I accidentally misspelled a teacher's surname.......she exaggerated the smallest things and LIED.....I mean outright lied....I was fired from the placement 18 days before my graduation because I said Jesus Christ im so frustrated after yet another attempt to sabotage me and she accused me of cussing....I was given a 12 credit F which brought down my GPA from a 3.82 to a 3.2......I ended up leaving without my college degree in 2013 because I was kicked out of the education program but returned to the university in 2019 and salvaged my credits by earning a Liberal Studies degree instead of a teaching degree in December 2019.....because I had been gone for over 5 years the school offered to forgive up to 15. credits of past grades and the 12 credit F was not included in my final GPA calculation so I did graduate magna cum laude.... It still hurts today because I don't have my teaching license but she is still teaching at the same school doing the job her lies prevented me from doing...... I believe I was targeted primarily because she was ableist.........she asked me if I understood the content when I was teaching first graders how to add and subtract........I ask u, what senior in COLLEGE doesn't know how to add and subtract?? Other days she would say I was smart enough to be a doctor of education......but that never stopped her from lying about my teaching performance and giving me failing assessment grades for no reason.....I felt so gaslighted and confused.....I am not trying to sound sanctimonious or morally superior but I truly do not think it was the best idea to allow someone that had lied so easily without a conscience and discriminated against a person with a disability to continue to be around children and shape their sense of what is right and wrong.......She took my livelihood away from me.....took away the only thing I wanted to do and felt I could do well since I was a child in middle school......I needed my teaching degree to escape an abusive home life and gain financial freedom.......I lived in an Econolodge near the university for 3 months only eating the free continental breakfast on most days because I had to save money for the room.......eventually I did return to my abusive mother's home.......she wan't physically abusive anymore but she was still emotionally abusive......at one point I was homeless after my mother kicked me out and had to apply for shelter space.......I eventually had to return home because the social services provider that monitored what shelter space was available said she had real concerns about my physical safety as a person with Cerebral Palsy......She convinced my dad to let me come back......it was humiliating........It's been nearly 10 years since this woman's lies and manipulation cost me everything and I have been trying to find my professional footing ever since.......I had to pay of tens of thousands of dollars of student loan debt for a degree I didn't even have with my disability benefits and I had to remain under my abusive mother's thumb because no one else would take me in......it was humiliating......I try not to give her any power and just move on but it hurts so badly that she got away with what she did to me.....and that the university personnel believed her lies and character assassination......

I think that your co-workers also have a responsibility to speak up and support your claims for how you have been treated. They need to speak up when it’s happening and also when you file a grievance. As the mother of a child on the spectrum, I strongly believe that people who are neurodiverse are the most overlooked when it comes to diversity discrimination. Instead, I’ve seen in my workplace where our managers are happy with a diverse workplace as long as everyone talks, thinks, no acts like them. Those that don’t are considered to “not fit in”. So what that means is that they are willing to accept a diverse workplace as long as no one dares to ACT in a diverse way. If it’s truly an inclusive workplace then others should see what’s happening and they need to stand up for those being mistreated. Diversity means differences.

I thought of her too!

That's honestly pretty hilarious 🤣

@@shannonberp Hahahaha! To me it was infuriating, I used to rip up his Christmas Cards whenever I received them. LOL.

He sounds like a cartoon!😂

@@jbeauty4150 It is sad and he is very lonely [though he will only admit it when he's drunk], but that's because he alienates real friends. He's great at working a room and impressing people and he is successful in his profession but, can't keep real friends [like myself] all of whom he devalues and ultimately attacks. I was at the receiving end of his narcissistic rages many-a-times, and it was absolutely horrible, devastating even. THANK GOD FOR DR. RAMANI. It was thanks to her videos that I realized what he was--a grandiose/malignant narcissist. The last time that he ghosted me and then started breadcrumbing me to lure me back in, I went no contact. Is he pathetic yes, but, he is so dastardly with his rages and smear campaigns that you end up feeling disgust. Once your eyes are open to what he is, you have no choice but to go no contact if you value your sanity.

I described "my communal narcissist" further up this thread, but my wife and I actually almost look forward to getting his family Christmas card every year for the "humble-bragging" on the back of it. It's funny and sad at the same time.