Setting BOUNDARIES with narcissists: everything YOU need to know 

If you're offended by my boundaries, then you're probably the reason why I need them.

The biggest lesson for me was that I set the boundary for me. Healthy people respect your boundaries; unhealthy people won't, so instead of begging, persuading, arguing with them to honor your boundaries, you set the consequence and follow through. You can't force someone to respect you or treat you with dignity and civility but you can limit time with those who won't.

The only way to set boundaries with narcissist is no contact - plain and simple!

I remember when I first tried to set boundaries with my covert narc mom. My brother came at me later and said “she’s violating you’re boundaries because she loves you! It’s toxic that you’re even trying to set them!” Cutting all of them out of my life was the best decision I’ve ever made!

The main reason we have trouble setting boundaries with them is because they do not ever accept the word no as an answer. They immediately counterpoint it to direct the conversation or the situation into their favor.

When I was growing up, boundaries were defined by my ability to stand up for myself when facing the bullies at school. Being raised by a narcissistic mother, it makes complete sense why I was never able to enforce a boundary, no one was around to teach me how,I was raised to be a door mat.

As much as I love this channel …I need a local support group for people traumatized by narcissistic abuse

If you dislike my boundaries then you are probably the one that caused me to create them

I don't feel guilty anymore for setting boundaries to protect myself bc they don't admit or see thier toxic behaviors.

They just don't care about boundaries that YOU set. THEIR boundaries are another thing!😈

My rule of thumb: Be very careful with your words or actions when confronting a narcissist. They despise psychological buzzwords and won't listen to you if you try to explain why their behaviour is hurting you. Plainly state your boundaries, resist their attempts to lure you into an argument and walk away/gray rock until they move onto someone else.

When I started setting boundaries, my husband agreed to them when they were set.... But when he wanted to cross the boundaries, the boundaries went right out the window and either twisted the words to suit his own purpose or decided that the boundaries weren't fair.... Just face it, the narscissist will never change .. they just become craftier or sneakier.... Use your ability to set the boundaries as a personal strengthening tool

I love how not only can Dr. Ramani share this information with us but she also gives us examples of situations that she herself has been in to show us that she too knows what it feels to be in these situations.

It was pounded into me as a child be nice be nice be nice. So it was difficult to be vocal about setting boundaries for myself later in life. I felt that I always had to be the peacemaker, the nice one, the one to smooth things over and not make a fuss. As a result, the narcs in my life knew that they could do what they wanted without consequence. Now, they are out of my life. Be nice be damned!

I’m dealing with a narcissistic mother. I finally set my boundary at almost 60 yrs old. I’ve been gaslit and the flying monkeys came out. She did the preemptive abandonment and then told everyone who will listen that I abandoned her. I’m healing thanks to you and your videos. Thank you for all you do.💜

"Telling you to set boundaries with a narcissist is like telling you to jump in a cage with a tiger." Exactly.

The last time I had to set a boundary was a few days ago when I stated undeniable facts and didn't give the toxic person the emotional response they were hoping for. I wanted to say so much more, but I just kept it cut and dry and to the point. Made me feel damn good!

In the Arab societies traditional marriage is a common and a normal thing. When I met my narcissistic friend (I met her two cousins first and they were nice so I assumed she is a kind person too) then she started to insist that I get engaged to her cousin, she kept saying they are the perfect family and how he is an amazing guy but my gut feeling was warning me something is off. She sent him for engagement twice 😂 but my parents said a big "no". Now I understand that she wanted to add me as a narcissistic supply in the family, she discarded me eventually and I take it as compliment , these people are crazy and disturbed.

My 90 year old father is a narcissist. The first boundary I set with him was when I told him to stop calling me with toxic talk about family members. I actually gave him a list of topics that he could not talk to me about anymore. This enraged him. He called everyone to tell them about how terrible his daughter is and how devastated he was about how I was treating him. I avoided his calls for a long while and when I started to answer his calls again I would hang up if he began raging (he's very verbally abusive). I try not to engage with him but I have not forsaken him. He lives in a very posh residence, he gets the medical services he needs, I buy his groceries, pay his bills, manage his investments, do his taxes, etc. Nonetheless, he is never satisfied. It's a constant struggle because many people just don't understand how an old man can be so dangerous to a daughter's psyche. Thank you Dr. Ramani for these videos, they definitely help.

My ex psycho didn't respect my boundaries during the relationship right to the bitter end. When we were packing our stuff after selling our house. I was going through boxes to take what belongs to me, she told me she wants to be there to sort it out together. I respected her so I waited. One day I went out when I got back all my stuff were in bags and my drawers empty. I was pissed, I told her don't you have enough of your own things to pack. The reason she did that was to take what she wanted without me knowing, for example she took one of my leather jackets and jewelry and a mug that's sentimental to me, that's just to name few. The most valuable thing to me that I couldn't find and I believe she threw it out because that's how evil she is, was an ink print I made of my dog's paw (that's irreplaceable) before he died, so I can get it tattooed. THAT BROKE MY HEART.

You setting boundaries not for the narcissist but for yourself. This point is such a gem!!!

i spent my whole life believing that i had no right to set boundaries and if i did, the risk was always that no one would love me. It is hardest with the people i cared about as I was so afraid of losing them if I didn't do everything they wanted. I am only learning now in my 50s that I have to set these boundaries for my own well being and protection.

0:10 My response: "My life, my rules. Don't like it, leave". Personally I find people too accommodating. You get what you give when you interact with me. The average person finds me extremely agreeable/helpful. The pathological person finds me stubborn, nasty, and vindictive. I try honey first & then move right on to fly poison

About oversharing, yeah, I am guilty. My inner child deserved more, better, protection, felt neglected. Now, I have promised her that I will only express her feelings around people who care about them, and only in situations where her feelings are relevant. It gets better with practice. I am bouncier when I tend to my inner child.

Ironically, I think some toxic people use boundaries to be controlling. It's convenient because they can guilt you if you don't behave the way they want you to. I've seen people use supposed boundaries to shut down other people expressing their feelings or trying to work through conflict. It's important to remember that boundaries can be unhealthy. They're not to control others, they're to manage yourself. It's not about what they're not allowed to do, it's about informing the other party what they can expect if they cross the line. It's about showing others that we value ourselves enough to not be manipulated. I'd argue that boundaries that are not clear, specific, or tied to a specific consequence you will enact, are not boundaries at all.

Most powerful boundary we have is not to engage with someone who is not good for us. Best piece of advice Dr Ramani.❤

What irks me is that you set the boundaries with them, and they ignore them, but get reactive if you aren’t perfect

The best thing you can do for yourself is to go NO CONTACT..

I'm in the situation of letting a narcissist and certain family members think that the narcissist and I are reconciling, for the sake of family unity. But we're not really reconciled. I now know that none of these people will never change, so what is the point of discussing issues, and announcing boundaries with anyone? Nevertheless, I am attempting to set secret boundaries. For the narcissist there will always be a reason why we can't get together, we will never ever be alone together, I will never follow them on social media, I will never again trust them with a confidence, I will never be their ally. For the enablers, I will never discuss the narcissist with them, or share private information with them.

The difficulty with setting boundaries with narcissists is following through on the consequences. Boundaries are meaningless is you aren’t going to enforce them especially with a narcissist

Once I learned about boundaries I tried to set some with my ex. He got so upset and said I was violating his boundaries by having mine 🙄

My ex exploded "You've become like an unbridled horse!" when I started asserting my own interests, mores, preferences, and values towards the end of our marriage. The last straw was when I refused to convert to yet another religion and adopt yet another new lifestyle and set of morals and beliefs for her. I thought that summed up what the relationship was about in her mind. Not love, not respect, not mutuality, not give-and-take. Nope. It was all about control. Saying "that's you and this as me" was unacceptable.

My dad told me to stop asking for money, that he felt I only connectrd with him & mom because of money. So, I did (listened to his boundary). But then, he got all pissy because I wasn't going to family events (they would only want me or connect with me on family holidays). I suggested in the past to connect outside if family events (because holidays give me anxiety). My dad even said, 'you have all these "rules"...' which proves toxic people see boundaries as rules or barriers to not getting gull access to you, to getting what they want.

My husband is so great. He once, as a joke, compared me to my mother. I want to stress that there was zero malice in what he said. It was a joke of association based on a peculiar taste in food. However, my mother is a narcissist and psychologically traumatized me through my childhood to protect her ego (there are some elevated circumstances due to some trauma I experienced as a late teen). And in that moment, even hearing it as a joke, being likened to my mother caused me to break down and cry. My husband was confused and initially defensive that I had been offended by such a frivolous-seeming joke. I then explained that it wasn't his joke that made me cry, it was the years of trauma at the hand of my mother, and that it wasn't his fault but that being compared to a person who has hurt me so badly feels like every wound is being reopened. My husband came over to me, hugged me, and promised he would never use my name and my mother's name in the same sentence ever again. ❤❤ He is awesome. He is a survivor of childhood abuse (physical), so he is trauma-informed and educated on these matters himself as well.

16:30 They’re NOT able to navigate around *boundaries* 🤦🏾‍♂️🚫 They want to engage however they want to without any accountability!

I set a boundary and enforced it with my sister, I would not attend her daughter's birthday party on Christmas eve where we weren't allowed to mention Christmas. Her daughter was an adult, I'd spent 22 years doing that and I had young children. Within a month she and her daughters had started spreading terrible lies about my son. I couldn't ignore her attacking my child and I ended our relationship. Narcissists cannot handle even the most minor of boundaries ime.

"once you set boundaries and witness their reaction, you witness how dysfunctional the relationship is." That explains why when I discarded the narcissist, I learned more about him than I knew in the six years of being married to him.

When making a new boundary, I would say the words clearly. I would look them in the eye (which is difficult) and they would smirk... So when the time came for me to stick to my words...They smirk as if their devious efforts are going to work. The surprise comes when under high pressure, I stick to my words. It's stressful...

This is foundational video for understanding and managing all interpersonal relations, including narcisism. It should be used in schools.

Proverbs: 16:28 "An evil man sows strife; gossip separates the best of friends." 21:10 "Evil people desire evil; their neighbors get no mercy from them."

has the topic of “Overcoming your narcissism while healing from narcissism?” ever been discussed? The concept is very fascinating to me as I believe I do struggle with some narcissistic characteristics as the result of learning it in childhood. It seems almost an unaddressed topic and is obviously an insidious cycle that has allowed narcissism to flourish. We know that narcissistic people learn these behaviors somewhere either at home, society, school, work, etc. You’ve said many times that people who experience narcissistic abuse do have the likelihood to become narcissistic themselves. How and when can we most impactfully intervene to change this negative outcome and break the cycle?

After being in a relationship for over 3 years with a narcissist, I really don't care what other people think. That relationship changed me

Wow!! As a young adult I used to say children were not to be seen or heard in my house growing up. Now well post middle age I realize what a red flag that was.

Boundaries are more like challenges to my parents that they feel they need to overcome at first opportunity

My older sister has been a hateful, vengeful narrcisst her entire life (she is 14 years older then me). She never respects anyone's boundaries. Even opened mail addressed to me. I tried to disconnect several times, however, I'm divorced with no children so I would end up going back to be with her and her narc daughters. 2.5 years ago I was finally able to go "no contact". Today I received a text from her with a photo of our brother saying he looked old. I immediately deleted it. I was surprised after all this time, that when I saw her text I felt stressed, sick to my stomach, unsettled. I felt evil reaching out to me. Hopefully since I didn't reply she won't try again.

I'm 21 years old and I've finally accepted that moving out of my narcissistic family is the only way to start enforcing serious boundaries. I'm planning to move out this year and I'm NOT sharing that sensitive information with them until I've already secured an apartment and have the keys in my pocket. Trying to set boundaries with my narcissistic family feels like war. A lot of the times they'll fight me on the smallest of boundaries which are basic human rights of privacy and respect. At times they'll pretend to "respect" my boundaries only for them to disrespect them the next day. This manipulation tactic of pretending to respect my boundaries then crossing those boundaries without hesitation the next day, makes me feel so invalidated , unseen and unheard. I've had enough of it and I'm tried of begging to be treated with respect and compassion. That's literally the bare minimum of being a decent human being.

I'm nearly four months with no contact with my narcissistic mother, I've cut communication with my minion dad and two brothers also !! I'll never go back . We have a huge extended family and many of them are ignoring me and some have told me to make things right with ur poor mother !! She's always the victim, I'm happy, free , peaceful, grateful, they will come after me , cause I've heard some of their plan , I think I'm able to stand before them and be calm and without explaining myself . I have watched all ur videos and have read ur books . Thank you for teaching us !!

I recently traveled to visit my elderly mother for the first time in several years. Despite being better equipped in adulthood the entire visit was an intensified replay of the enmeshment, gaslighting, victimhood, triangulation, force feeding and many other controlling behaviors I'd experienced during childhood and since (albeit from a safer distance). Aging not only had not improved but seemed only to have exacerbated the childishness and escalated her manipulative tactics. I endured this all knowing it might well be our final visit~due to my own health challenges as much as to her age. But after demeaning my older bro to me, then sick shaming me in front of my own daughter (who also saved and paid her own way) it threatened our relationship altogether. But rather than risk a confrontation, I waited until home to write an affectionate email, then closed by simply asking to avoid these topics in future. Never goes well from there! The epic rant that followed deployed the full arsenal~from defensive rage, gaslighting denials and pleas for her "fragile" health to bitter shaming "When my parents were alive, there was no such thing as 'boundaries!'" (clearly lol) and finally the usual extortion or attempts to extract an apology. Thus *strongly* discourage those adult children recovering from NPD parental abuse, control or neglect from attempting any prolonged periods of in-person contact (72 hours proved our limit..) while a guest or back on the toxic territory of a now aging NPD parent.. it doesn't get any better! Thank you Dr Ramani for the many helpful strategies you've offered re these confusing and painful relationships.

At this point I don't even care. I'm no longer going out of my way to make peace with ppl who will callously mistreat others without provocation. I mean what's the ultimate consequence? I lose their love or friendship? It was never that strong to begin with. Apologizing for reacting to abuse is for the birds. Let the chips fall where they may.

Just found out my narcissist copartner at work is not retiring as expected. The nightmare continues. How I been dealing with her is: im not my authentic self with her, i stroke her ego, that keep her from harming me, don't tell her any secrets, don't gossip with her I change the subject, pick my battles wisely so I'm strict with certain boundaries regardless of outcome and she does escalate but it makes her look crazy, little stuff I let go, and i do not under sny circumstances go out with her outside of work. She wznted to room with me for an out of town training that was a big fat no! I cant tolerate her past 8 hours. .

I had to set a boundary with my nephew. He wanted to get out of his house because his family had a stomach bug going around, and he wanted to escape to my dad's house. My older sister asked on his behalf, and I had to say no. He wasn't thinking about me or my elderly father getting that bug. He only cared that HE didn't get it. My father has a chronic illness that could be exacerbated by a stomach bug,but my nephew was only worried about himself. He gets this from his parents. It was hard to tell him no because he was genuinely afraid of what he was seeing at home, but my older sister and oldest nephew had been at the house the day before. My sister brought my sick niece to me for care. My sister had the stomach bug also. My oldest nephew seemed fine, but had to leave school the next day because he was infected and wasn't aware of it yet. I had to sanitize everything they touched, and they went everywhere on the first floor🙄 I had to disinfect the bathrooms they used so my father didn't get this highly contagious bug they all have. To add insult to injury, my older sister said she would have to skip my younger nephew's game that night because she didn't want to risk spreading her "cooties" to strangers at the school, but she felt like it was perfectly fine to bring them to my father's house where I'm providing him care for a chronic illness🙄🙄🙄 Narcissistic people are the worst.

They looooove coercive control and then deny it and blame you.

A boundary about gaslighting is pretty handy, don’t have to tell the narcissist, just know you won’t put up with it.

Coming across your videos has saved me. I have spent years trying to understand why certain people in my life act the way they do and carrying a huge amount of guilt that I could not change things (particularly me). This shift of consciousness has freed me from all the unnecessary guilt and pain. Thank you

The trade off feels slightly better if it’s your boundaries your respecting than their toxic behaviors

I am a survivor of Narcissistic Parents - Boundaries are usually misused by the narcissist. When you set boundaries with the Narcissist they disrespect you or disregard them. It’s so frustrating.

"The greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing people that he didn't exist"!!!!!!!!!!

These people are too much for decent people to have to deal with.

Narcs love bomb you to learn your flaws, secrets and insecurities, then use them against you. My ex hates rules, loves chaos, hates rules and boundaries, couldn't be trusted with money- keeping the family in chaos, and told me I was trying to control him. I'm so glad he found someone else, and was so happy to divorce him.

Setting boundaries for me makes me feel good, in the past I would not set boundaries then I would get mad at myself.

I found that when you set a boundary, they violate it even more egregiously. It’s almost like you’re giving them a map to get under your skin. Like everybody else says, when they finally see the light, just run away from them. There’s nothing else that can be done.

Hi Dr. Ramini. I’ve set my boundaries from 2 of the worst Narcissists. They are cruel, cowardly, total lack of empathy, I could type all day. They are so cruel and pitiful, especially to a senior man like myself. I listen to you every day. Keep up the good work 😊.

Expect an Attack and often forceful Resistance if and When you set and enforce Healthy Boundaries. Their sense of Entitlement and Invasive rude behavior is Incensed. It's Not your fault ! Their toxic , rude, abusive behavior is Their problem ! You Always & Forever have a Right to Protect yourselves !

I had to step away, it was too much work to keep my Boundaries. It’s so much Stress, to hold on to the Boundary.. Impossible, I QUIT!

This is so good. I set firm boundaries with my h. No yelling. He’s got a trigger temper. No touching without permission. He’s very grabby. No entering my room without permission. He likes to barge in/through doors to fight pick. These were set up with my counselor for my safety. H is convinced it’s to punish him. He doesn’t believe he’s done anything bad enough to deserve such treatment. Including multiple affairs that he openly brags to me about. Last boundary? If he EVER screams in my face again my attorney already has my retainer. So he’s been ‘good’ for the last few months. It took the face slap of divorce to acquire decent behavior but that is all it is. Just behavior mod. Nothing has changed.

My mom was constantly complaining and forcing me to listen to her stories about how my father was the bad guy in their relationship. I was begging her to stop, she wouldn't. I had to hang up the phone to make it stop, and then I turned the bad girl. One day I was at my parents' house with my dad, who was suffering from cancer, and he told me : "when you'll leave the house it will be hell here". I answered kindly I didn't want to take sides between my mother and him. And HE has respected that, til his death. That made me realize how toxic she was. And I realised, too late, that I was so tired of my mother's behaviour that I had set distance with the whole family, and at a time when my father needed to talk, and he was ready to open up, I didn't listen to him. It breaks my heart 💔

In my case, my boundaries are continuously poked at and tested in order to seek opportunities elicit a reaction.

This is so true. I was never taught to say no or have body autonomy, which put me into difficult sexual situations as well as other abuse. And when I started educating myself and standing up for myself in my marriage, he couldn't cope at all and called me controlling at the end! Absurdly, when I asked for examples, he said that I choose all the gifts and decor in the house etc - 2 issues that I often asked for his input and help with! So weird and mind boggling

Change your name, number, car, house, SSN, get a gun, get cameras and never talk to them or anyone who knows them

It took me a long time to realize that it was projection. My older sister was manipulating. She gaslighted. Accused me of being insecure, easily threatened, controlling, jealous… my thoughts spun when she was around…confusion abounded…once I got her out of my life it all stopped…when I have to see her I go grey rock…I don’t engage…now I have peace…she was not worth the stress…

This video hits the nail on the head with my narcissist. My terminally ill, drug and alcohol addicted sister has been attacking me for years. I've cut her off many times throughout the years but now that she's dying of cancer I want to be close to her and busting my butt to be there for her, like I always have but she is loving one moment and vicious and hateful the next. She has managed to turn some of my life long friends against me with her vicious, bitter, hateful vitriol. I have cut her off as of now but it hurts me to the bone that she is doing this to me in her last days. We've been so close off and on throughout our lives. I don't know how to handle this and it's triggering all of my negative childhood traumas.

Love hearing the “bell” notifying me of a new video from you!

I know of a workplace narcissist that I met recently. First thing he tells me once we're alone, nobody around is that guys only get into our business to put their hands on women. It's a good thing I have self control cause I wanted to hurt him the moment he said that. I only got into this business to help people the way someone helped me. But it was fun to see how flustered he'd get when you correct him or tease him.

Boundaries establish where I am separate from anyone else. This is why codependency is so difficult-deciding where I am, where I start and stop vs blurring that distinction.

I always questioned whether I am right in labeling my sister as a narcissist. Then a video comes along that reinforces my belief that she is a narcissist. When I finally told my sister that if she called me names, put me down, put down my successes, humiliates me, makes a joke at my expense, or gaslights me, I would walk away, hang up the phone, stop reading the letter, etc, she said I was trying to control her. She told our siblings that I was abusing her. I went no contact with her and my siblings after that. This video reinforces that she is a narcissist.

As I think about this video, for me, it is a strong moral compass, it is my values. Because I am a very deep thinking and analytical type of person with strong empathy (INFJ) I realized that I have been setting boundaries for a very long time, and it has been successful, but the one thing I do see is when a person is more similar to my personality type, you're going to have a million boundaries, and this is where you start to learn about your own personal growth in comparison to a narcissist personal growth. Yes, you can see balance between one person and another, or within a group, but it would definitely be nice not to have to always make it known that you will not compromise your values, and then it's still a struggle, because as you increase in those values, the other person does just enough, which is good that there's improvement in comparison to what they were, but the desire to progress is nearly non-existent, and the progression will never catch up to how they should be for their age. So in other words, if you are with somebody who does not have the desire to increase in whatever capacity you would like to see them increase in, such as knowledge, career, hobbies, spirituality, cooking, or increasing the knowledge they already have in a certain area to improve upon, then this is going to be a very tough road for you, because a narcissist would prefer not to have to do the work to grow up, because it is a very painful process for them, and a process that will be painful for you to watch. The narcissists will say, It's never enough for you, and in your mind you will begin to think, why do they not want to improve, why do they not want to grow up? And then you begin to see that you will hold more of the responsibility of keeping the family together, or whatever else, because they are willing to leave the burden upon your shoulders, until they absolutely are forced to do something, and even then it will be a very minimal amount that they are going to do, while considering you a burden. You will get tired of trying to uphold all of those boundaries, and so will the narcissist, because even if it's realistic for normal people, it is not realistic for them, which is even more frustrating to watch. Most of us who find these type of videos, or information in another format, did not realize they were dealing with narcissism, maybe you thought you were dealing with autism, or someone who is shy, someone who is confident, ect.and then when he finally figure it out, you will also find you are already dealing with a lot of different components in the relationship once you figure it out, such as you might find your married with children, sick, financially strapped, or other, making it about timing and planning, so you can make better. If you are someone who just entered into this situation and have no strings attached, I would highly recommend you reconsider, and not further your relationship with this person.

My boundary with my narcissist ex husband went like this: Him making fun of the way I talk because I am autistic. Me saying “stop making fun of me, I cant help it.” Him continuing to talk over my pleas, louder and louder nonstop so I can’t answer back. Finally, I shouted, “Dont ever speak to me like that again!” He yelled, “Fuck you!” And hung up the phone. I tried to set boundaries. It didn't work. It followed up with me crying all night long, as usual. Then 5e following day I texted back to him why men shouldn't treat women so disrespectfully, to which he replied, “My behavior was unbecoming of myself. I have to love up to myself.” It had nothing to do with me and how it made me feel. It was not an apology. It was the last straw. I responded, “that is too little too late. You didnt even apologize to me for treating me so ugily. I have a lot of anger towards you after years of abuse. I am not allowing anyone in my life who abuses me any longer.” And that was that. It has been three months. It is really hard. I don't have access to a therapist who knows about adults with autism and narcissistic abuse, so therapy has been pointless for me in my town.

Antagonistic people have no regard for anyone else. You can set boundaries but they will just forget about them or ignore them altogether. Life is all about them.

"We have to be our own gatekeepers"!!!!!!! ❤❤❤ P.S. bc we have empathy..........

Whoa, I set a boundary for being disrespected in my home. Dr. Ramani, you are correct it is like dealing with a tiger. Now I am being ostracized with by her and "the family". I was hurt, but now it's a blessing because I am no longer obligated to function in their get togethers.

OMG my narcs favorite phrase is either “rules are just a suggestion” or “rules apply to other people” . . . 😮 Dr. Ramani, I pray for wisdom and discernment daily. ..I’d say my prayer was answered today with this video. WOW talk about trying to drink from a fire hose. . .you are such a blessing. Thank you.❤

thankful to the fullest as this wisdom is hitting the root of this "beating my head against a wall" with what is happening in my family system... its so frustrating and underneathing it all grievious.... and your wisdom a gift of PEACE amidst confusion THANK YOU

The parenting that I needed. Thank u dr. Ramani for helping me find my voice. You changed my life.

My ex husband is a narcissist. My two kids are (son) 13 and (daughter) 15 and my daughter experiences the abuse more. We’re all in therapy but his behavior isn’t changing. It’s always his way or the Highway. He baits my daughter and when she gets emotionally triggered he accuses her of being manipulative. I don’t know what else to do. I have to pick my battles with him and when I have the kids, I try to be supportive, encouraging and loving. But my heart is broken for them…😢

The 1944 movie Gaslight is a superb example of how it can play out. You see the Womans character really start to adjust to this passive aggressive monster whom she really didnt see for the person he happened to be. The signs she ignored that first gut reaction she chose to ignore over her own personal safety slowly digresses. Where it not for a third party who saw him for who he was she would of ended up in a mental hospital .

Yes so true.I have been in many volunteer organisations and then found I was exhausted and mistrusted I am over it

Perfect timing for this video compilation

Its pointless to set boundaries with a narcissist. They have no respect for you and especially your boundaries .

This was AMAZING!! Thank you for sharing all that wisdom 🙏

Ccrdially grateful for all your patient explanations! Very helpful!

Of all of your excellent, wise and helpful videos this is possibly the best! Cannot thank you enough Dr Ramani. Thankyou sincerely.

I think early trauma can both enforce and destroy boundaries depending on temperament. We grew up in an emotionally neglectful and at times just crazy N home. I think to have boundaries you need to feel deeply that you either have something worth protecting or believe there is some emotional reward for saying No. Very early in life, I was forced to say NO. I was just too different in too many ways. Since the word couldn't be spoken, it meant backing away until I was virtually locked in my room with my books. Later in life, I didn't worry about what people would say because I assumed I was unlikable and unlovable. There was no emotional reward for giving them what they wanted. I grew up with very firm boundaries and even though I am at my core, a loner, was often picked for leadership positions. I think our society is so brow beaten into silence by narcissism that people gravitate to those who will say no. My sister's life was very different very social, a pretty blue eyed blond, she reacted by never being home. She grew up with no boundaries and has been abused by psychologists, lawyers, doctors and 4 husbands. She still talks to an N aunt who did some terrible things when my mother was dying. Her life is absolute hell and I fear her daughter will also, "go with the flow."

Totally needed to hear this!

Owe Dr Ramani much!!! She is excellent. Thanks so very much.

Always great info in a short time. Many blessings to you Dr. Ramani!

Dr. Ramani I wish I understood all this much earlier in life. I had a start template that would keep being till I understood it and changed it. I am also autistic and worked as a federal correctional officer, which it turns out many of the staff were like my start family. I know it now though!! I listen and watch now for quite a while when around people. Thank you for your words of wisdom. Between yourself, my therapist, and schooling, I have certainly learned. Thank you.

Jordan Peterson is fighting to keep his boundaries in this insane world of mind control.

I have recently joined your channel and have been watching all your segments. What led me to learn more about the Narricisst us my sister is one and a couple years ago I had to go no contact with her. To protect my own mental health it was the only way. Enjoy watching all your topics and have learned so much about what I have actually observed personally. Thanks for sharing your knowledge. BB from AZ

Wow!!!!! This is so healing in the most important way!!!! So practical! Thank you Dr. Ramani!

The part about they don't even want to stop at stop signs really clicked. If they won't even follow laws of society, why would they stop at boundaries we give them? Other than the shame or annoyance of us calling them out, which they'll react negatively or abusivily to. Dr Ramani has helped me finally accept boundaries with them ain't gonna work.