0:00 Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.
Your a good dude ramit I gotta wait 164 days before I can renew your book from the nycpl again lol I didn't finish it on time I should of just bought the audio book on Amazon credits but I spent them before I knew about it😂
I don't need to I've never been in debt except the house and a car and I owe nothing on either one No charge card debt I am able to put a set amount of money into savings every month
Ramit recommends watching on RU-vid because we can see the guests’ expressions, but I also love seeing Ramit’s expressions as he listens. So present and compassionate. And at times, hilarious.
I think a big part of this man’s spending on his kids is that he didn’t have that father figure to provide for him, so he thinks that he has to provide everything they want to be a good dad. Good dads say no. And good dads can’t afford everything their children want all the time. You ARE a good dad , and it has nothing to do with birthday parties and presents.
i spotted that in the first 10 seconds of the vid ....but its also because I've dealt with a lot of cptsd victims and also because I've see 70 episodes of this podcast lol
I’m always impressed by the courage of these couples to be so vulnerable. Ryan’s emotion shows how financial shame and stress cut deep. Kids don’t need material things…they just want mom and dad’s love.💜 I started a business from home and worked early morning and after my son was in bed. It wasn’t easy but it’s what I had to do. You’ve given this couple such an amazing gift Ramit. Let’s bring them back in one year!
This was such a beautiful episode. Two parents who grew up in broken families that are trying to give everything they didn't receive as children to their kids... I love how you listened without judgment and offered different paradigms to solve their problems in a gentle manner. It would be so easy to just crunch numbers and shame them into not spending money, but you were so compassionate and understanding with them. I learned so much from this episode.
They are loving parents. Great parents don't focus on giving their children everything they want. He is actually fortunate that he had a paper route. That's probably where he learned to work hard for what you want.
@@MrsEJV yea they are my fav couple easy. the dad reminds me of the red head from the ep where the white indian chick almost died so they overspent. just a solid solid sensitive guy
They can’t say no to their kids because they don’t want their kids to go through what they went through growing up, but by doing so they are in debt and the kid will find out eventually anyways. I love the empathy and care they have for their kids lives, and it was smart for them to go and find help with this situation ❤
Agreed. It feels like guilt instead of love 😬 or healing him instead. He's coming from a place if love ...but raising people who never hear no grow into adults where everything is never enough!!
its not even about the kids "finding out". its about kids watching parents behave and adopting their parents poor money psychology. these carried values have far more effect than kids 'finding out'
There is NOTHING wrong with a 12 year old having a paper route to pay for his air Jordan’s. Not saying this guys mom wasn’t messed up, but working a paper route at 12 YO isn’t in itself traumatic. It’s work experience.
I'm also wondering with her puts so much into these materliatic things.... Maybe because his mother spent so much on herself pretending to be rich while he had nothing... making him feel not worthy :(
I had an afternoon paper route at 13, 45 yrs ago. I babysat for $1 an hour to buy my own snow pants and winter jacket in northern Wisconsin. Aren’t most papers delivered in the very early morning, now? I pulled papers in a wagon. Now, you’d need a car.
A lot of relatable talk in this episode! A little confused here on something though…. why are utility costs not added on top of rent? Having lived in multiple HCOL areas over the years, rentals with utilities included haven’t been common. If we’re running quick and dirty numbers maybe this can be skipped, but seems a considerable amount once talking multiple hundreds per month in costs.
I saw that too. I always had to pay utilities when I rented. Also, my rent went up every six months or a year. I also never had a good landlord and ended up fixing things myself because they couldn't be bothered. So the idea that rent is the maximum you'll pay is not realistic. There's also a degree of security owning buys you. At the end of your lease, your landlord could raise the rent so high, it's no longer affordable or move you out for someone else. In ten years of renting, I never once felt secure in my housing.
I think you're taking the wrong lesson from this. Most people don't even do this math. Rent is much more consistent cost wise compared to home ownership.
I also noticed this and not sure why he assumes that. I have lived in 10 different rentals and never had utilities included. expect maybe trash service. BUT I am on a well now so I no longer that bill after I bought. I am all for renting though. I do think it is better cost wise but lifestyle owning is the right choice for me.
Yes, I'm not sure why he assumes utilities are included in renting. That being said, there are way more phantom costs to owning vs. renting. Most of the US isn't really built for long-term rentals. In big cities with good tenant laws, long leases, and lots of rental options, renting can be a better option.
This may be one of my favorite episodes. This couple is sooo relatable because their income is about average for a majority of us. We are just getting by and making it as best we can. Thank goodness they have each other to lean on for support some of us are single and are mentally drained from having to figure out how to make it do what it do in this life just to survive daily. When you are just getting by, you can justify just about anything to have some measure of enjoyment in life in some area. Wishing them all the best! It may take time but it is possible. 🙏🏽
Just listening to Kenna's story about the money rituals she witnessed as a child, triggered a money memory from my childhood that needed healing. Beautiful courage from both of them. Thank you.
i'm so confused because the girls are 4 and 7. in a year, both kids should be in school full time. he keeps talking about time with his kids, but in a year he would be at home by himself all day. i'm not diminishing the hard work of parenting and running a household, and i especially appreciate a dad challenging gender stereotypes and being the home caregiver. but i think they have 'stories' attached to a parent being home--they're trying to fill holes they had growing up. i would say gently that nothing is going to fill those holes for them.
Uhhhhh, Covid hell??? My youngest still in school are still getting sent home for every buggar, no joke. You cough, you go,to the nurse. Your nose runs, bye bye from school that day. And if you sneeze……
School is until 2 pm. Most jobs are until 6pm. Then there’s the preparing kids in the morning and dropping them off and picking them up. My job is 4-6 hours a day. That’s the only reason I can do it otherwise if it were 8-9 hours, the time wouldn’t add up
Ramit Sethi is surely one of the most gifted communicators about money in the English-speaking world today. I've watched lots of these podcasts so far and sometimes he teases out quite subtle points that turn out to reveal really damaging stories that we tell ourselves, things that no longer serve us once we are adults with our own families and homes/households. This is fascinating to watch. I wouldn't judge these people negatively because the only reason I didn't get into this kind of situation myself is because I knew I didn't have the money to blow it. I still got into a proper pickle and Ramit Sethi's book is one of the things that helped me recover and change my attitude. I'm so grateful.
What I see here is a couple who love each other. I'm actually very happy for them to be able to speak so honestly about this and no belittling in the least. This is what a team looks like. Wish them much success!
I just want to say I really appreciate people opening up. These conversations are so hard, and I think especially for those of us who have created stories into adulthood based off how we grew up with (or without much) money. Thank you Ramit for allowing space for your guests and helping them navigate these things. Once you hear yourself talk about these issues out loud it in itself allows one to take the first step( awareness) that these patterns have been created. Created to protect ourselves, but they no longer need to apply to our adult lives regarding finances and relationships. My therapist always says you did what you needed to do to survive, but now these mechanisms do not need to apply
What a touching episode. All the very best to this couple. They are blessed already to have each other and the girls. Hoping they get a grip on their spending and move onward towards those rocking chairs on that porch.
You know what’s hysterical is I did create a ceremony too. I called it my Financial Reckoning and it happened on New Years Day 2017 and I check in every year on my progress
I’m 77 and raised myself. Mom died when I was eight. I was the only girl. Dad was a hockey coach - now there’s a delicate upbringing. I have a block about money. I have absolutely no recollection of spending money on myself. I learned to sew in my teens but no memory before that. But I ran a house and the boys had what they needed. No desire to get married or have children but did in my late 30s. Two daughters. I don’t think they wore the same dress twice. We were very comfortable financially but at some point I realized I was creating the childhood I didn’t have…..and now I have granddaughters to spoil. No guilt -met a need.
@@lowlowseesee Thank you. That’s very kind of you. I’ve been told that many times and I’ve done some essay writing for newspapers, etc but my older brother intimidated me. He was the foremost literary sports writer in the country when he died way too early. He was with Sports Illustrated, wrote some well reviewed books, Home Ice and Open Ice as well as a novel “Saved”. I was the only one who lived long enough to collect Social Security. But google Jack Falla. The research he put into his writing was amazing. The Vezinz trophy is given to the best goalie in the NHL. Jack went to Canada to mow the grass on George Vezina’s grave. Jack was a hard act to follow.
Most rentals where I live don't include utilities, etc. Mortgages here are far cheaper than rent prices, and in both cases you'd be paying your own utilites. Plus, rents here aren't capped and sometimes can go up drastically with very little notice - like 300-1000 with only 3 months notice. It's been a big issue here. I always wonder when I listen to Ramit talk about buying vs renting what the market is like there versus here (small East Coast of Canada town).
I used to live (5 years) in a place called allentown pa, and that area is just like that too. Right before pandemic. Rent is easily 1500 for 2 bedroom, meanwhile mortgage is probably lower than that. 😢
I totally agree with this comment. His comment that mortgage is the minimum you’ll pay and rent is the maximum you’ll pay is not accurate AT ALL. Ramit is anti homeownership. Both require utilities. Both require some level of insurance (while homeowner will be more). You do not control increases in rent, and I guarantee a landlord will never lower it. If you are in a fixed mortgage your principle and interest is fixed. Yes property taxes can adjust (however if property taxes are going up, so is your rent). While there may be maintenance cost with a home in 15-30 years you will own it in full or you will have equity if you sell prior. As a renter you never have equity and you are forever tied to a the rent payment which will continue to increase.
@@cham2001I like him, and most of his advice. But I think he’s part of a group of people pushing the anti home ownership narrative, which just helps real estate investors grow wealthier. It may not make sense for everyone financially to own a home, but for many it’s truly a better option than renting
Ramit has a few biases and being against homeownership, even when it makes financial sense, appears to be one of them, along with hating on any kind of life insurance besides term and being against using a financial advisor that charges a fee based on assets. I’m a CPA so I have to talk to clients about all these issues all the time although I have no dog in the fight …. It would be nice if things were so black-and-white where you could just tell people “just rent and just buy term insurance and just invest in ETFs”…. drawing a line in the sand as he does is good for pageviews but the financial world is not that black and white…. Even timeshares can make sense for some people.
Heating is a big free utility that came with my rented apartment in NY that I didn’t appreciate enough when I rented. Then I bought an old house and the heating in winter is 600- 900 a month! For like 5 months straight. And none of the research flagged this issue before we bought a house. Renting def include some utility cost but just want to chime in with my experience for your reference😢 from my perspective utilities are much higher in a house, especially when the house is old.
what a powerful episode! Love how Ryan is so emotional and loves his girls so much! Ramit did a great job showing them the truth in a way that's so personal to them. I absolutely admire their decision to have a parent stay home with the girls. It's a tough choice to make but it's worth it!
I’m so grateful for these coming onto RU-vid!! I’ve been binging the podcast episodes because I flew through the episodes on RU-vid. I love seeing the people!!
Stuff doesn't make kids happy. Kids just want to spend quality time with their Mom and Dad. I hope this couple learn to find happiness by living simply and paying off their debts. I feel sad for them. Teaching your kids to be grateful for the little things and learning to give back to others is more important.
I really loved how you conducted this one Ramit - On the first 15 minutes I was like: "Why don't Ramit say right away the dad will need to let the kids on the day care so he can work more", but then I understood you would have to go little by little to make them realize it by themselves. Beautifully done, and huge congrats to this amazing couple that are thinking about their kids and healthy wealthy future. (PS: I watching it for the second time just to see their facial expressions bc the first time I heard the podcast version!!)
Don’t most rental properties make you pay your own utilities? That’s been my experience in multiple states in multiple types of places. I still agree with the conclusion but maybe important detail. Utilities are a wash unless you own your house very long term and can improve efficiencies to outperform often low quality construction rental properties. Another aspect I took advantage of when renting was to rent smaller than would be what I wanted to buy. That could then even further favor renting.
I agree. We always had to pay utilities when renting. The only difference would be an all electric apartment might be a little cheaper than something with electric and gas.
Don’t get me wrong, I think he’s broadly correct about homeownership vs renting. I was very tired of people telling me I was burning money by renting, and they’d almost always use the flawed comparison of monthly mortgage payment vs rent. Grossly, Ramit’s simplification of saying it’s like comparing “minimum” cost to “maximum” cost is an ok first approximation. But it’s so much worse. To just name a thee huge factors: interest on the mortgage, home insurance (renters insurance is usually less than 1/10th of home owners), and proper maintenance. Not to mention, if you have very limited means, then renting is much less likely to cause large unexpected costs. My personal short hand recommendation is, unless you specifically want and enjoy the unique features of homeownership (such as potential freedom and privacy), then you should try to rent. Longer $ answer is to use the comprehensive NYT rent vs buy calculator.
Section 18 with Ryan telling his kids honestly why he's working longer hours got me...really feel for this guy trying hard to not make the same mistakes and do better for his girls.
I love this couple. Their intentions are pure and they have self awareness to know they are overcompensating for lack of money in their childhood. However, its in kid’s best interests to make sure everything is not handed to them without boundaries - it sets them up for failure unfortunately. I think they are on the right- good luck, your girls are lucky to have you both and you are breaking cycles and not repeating your trauma!!
These calls always seem like great wake up calls, but I wonder how many guests actually take the advice to heart and carry it into their lives. These bad habits took a lifetime to develop, and won’t go away too fast. I wonder if Ramit could do a follow up call with these guests in a year or two.
This was a great couple, both willing to make the changes to better their lives for their family, almost made me shed a tear towards the end. I pray they are able to pay off their debt in a reasonable time so they can have true financial peace.
I agree, totally. It will also help with retirement planning. That future life in the "rocking chair" does not just happen. It takes long-term savings.
Go Kenna and Ryan! I congratulate you on your Journey! Thank you for being so brave to talk about real issues that many people have! You got this! There is light at the end of a tunnel! 🙏🏽
What truly nice people, in what looks to be a really solid marriage. So glad they found each other and had kids. Thanks to them for sharing their stories.
That poor guy. He’s reliving his childhood through his kids. He’s trying to make up the time that his parents didn’t spend with him, yet he want to be okay financially. They seem to be in love but it must be a burden for the wife. He needs some therapy to heal from his traumas.
i am an italian women end i watch your videos on youtube with subtitles i'm studyingenglish....and i love them...thank you,thamk you, thank you for yourwork it's so precious to learn how money and the relationship with money affects the ourlives in all aspects🙏
Kenna and Ryan - I know you want what's best for your kids and you don't want them to want for anything, but you not saving for retirement will ultimately be something that harms them. If you are able to build the relationship with them that you don't have with your own parents, they will suffer with worry and fear if you reach retirement age with nothing but credit card debt. Unless you prioritize your own retirement, you are setting yourselves up to be a burden on them when they are adults. Taking just 10% of your earnings and putting it towards retirement savings will relieve a huge burden on them when they are older. Also, once they are both full time in school, Ryan should have more time for working. There are a lot of part time jobs out there during school hours. Good luck!
They can both work full time jobs. One works first shift, the other works second or third shift. That way there's always a parent with the kids. And then when the kids are old enough to go to school, they can both work first shift. Pretty straightforward. In addition, another full time job would give another opportunity for a 401k or an HSA.
8:48 - Ramit, when you pay rent you alway pay utilities so I’m not following your comparison. The rental cost should increase as well if folding in utilities. And again, when you have children, there tends to be the desire to lay some roots and get stable. Renting doesn’t offer that. We have now moved twice in two years due to our rental getting sold. It’s awful with kids. We loved and always vibed with your advice on avoiding buying unless it’s a great investment property but now that we’ve just spent yet again thousands to move, changing schools, stress for the kids leaving friends etc, we are def wanting to buy and be somewhere at least 20 years.
Wow. That ending was awesome! Listening initially was frustrating, but their actually commiting to doing the hard things and shredding the cards was awesome.
Every time I’m thinking of making a big purchase just because, I watch this show and it makes me put things in perspective and I think of delayed gratification and stop myself. The funny thing is that when times passes I end up wanting other things and not the original thing I felt I wanted at the time. 🤣
Ryan, you can buy your kids stuff or you can give them time. You have chosen to give them time, which is amazing. They’ll be ok without all the extra stuff
There’s something to be said about healing that trauma of “not being able to get stuff” when you’re a kid-and that manifesting as you “providing” for them by giving them everything you didn’t have. But that is such a sad, short-sighted behavior. Better money habits, open and honest conversations and quality TIME with kids are that much more important. ❤ I hope they’ll find a way to balance their finances while they heal their pasts and provide the best future for their kids.
Cuz he would rather stick to his script of "we didn't have kids for someone else to raise them". Chile. When it's time for those girls to go to college, he's gonna regret it. When those girls are grown and they're having to pay their parents living and healthcare because they didn't save for retirement, he's gonna regret it! He better get his ass back to work. Shit. 😭
easy to say but hard with shitty money psychology. my mom is just like him. shes an amazing mom but she just doesnt understand money. and most people don't
They mathematically almost certainly will not be able to, even if they had made the right decisions for the past 5+ years. They may be able to pass something small on if they both started working full time today and made massive lifestyle changes immediately.
Take it from an old mom of eight, not packing in the extra curricular doesn’t matter. Exploring an after school class/ sport a few times over the young years is enough. And…for the love of Gosh, don’t do any of these psychotic third grade travel sports teams!! Been there, done that stupid. Hint: the thing you are feeling guilty about does not matter, seriously, does not matter!!
So impressed with this young family! 'Stuff' is nowhere as important as Family time together. Picnics, bike rides, home movie nights & home-made birthday cakes will be remembered forever, good luck Mum & Dad.
I can relate to Ryans story, I too grew up with a step dad and started working at 15 and my mom had the odasity to start charging me rent since I was the oldest.
I grew up with both my parents who emigrated to this country and after seeing how much and how hard they work I stopped asking them for money and couldn't wait to be able to work! Once I was of working age (16) I got myself a job and started helping my parents with rent... and I'm not traumatized by it!!! If anything it made me responsible with my money.
Ryan and Kendra, this has been my favorite episode. Your courage, honesty, self-awareness, and obvious love for each other is so inspiring. Look how far you have come with the crappy cards you were dealt in your childhood. You’ve totally got this and the gift of teaching your kids to be responsible with money and setting yourself up so you don’t have to depend in them in retirement is worth more than the plastic toys and expensive experiences so many people feel pressured into buying. It’s you they love and the time they spend with you. I hope you see this. I almost never comment on RU-vid.
Does Ramit think that renting means your utilities are included in rent? He points out their obvious mistake of not counting their utilities as part of their mortgage/housing. But I've never paid rent without also having to pay utilities for my rental...so either way, you pay utilities. Also unexpected homeownership costs like "random lightbulbs" - lightbulbs are paid for by tenants when they rent somewhere! Yes maintenance of a home is different and not part of rent payments (but neither does a renter experience positive appreciation of a home's value). There are good arguments to be made in this area, but utilities and lightbulbs aren't part of them.
@@ShadesofGray3 I have rented 8 places (apartments/townhouses mostly) in SC and one in CA and utilities were not included, except in one case just water and one time basic cable came with it. My mother rented most of my childhood and utilities were always on her except again, one time water at an apartment building.
Maybe that's common in Arlington. It is NOT common country wide. You mentioned it was a building selling point, so obviously you're aware some rentals in your area didn't offer them. My point is it's rare -- my personal experience w/ my childhood included equals ~ 20 rentals . Zero included electricity. So your two...meh
All of these episodes are great but this mom was awesome! My favorite part is “let’s sell the kids” 😂 Ramit laugh is absolutely contagious and her laugh added in just made me crack up!
This was such a good episode! I learned so much. There is so much love here, it's amazing to watch. I wish all the best to these parents. I see a bright future ahead for them and their children.
What a lovely lovable couple 🥰 I'm rooting for them. My little advise for them is: Buy second hand for your kids. In my own experience they won't even know the difference until they're in their later teens.
That I wouldn't say is true, I think I was well aware who was rich based on designer brands since I was 10. I just knew my parents wouldn't be able to afford it and never brought it up.
@@TheAkumaChanI am wealthy & love to shop at thrift or second hand stores….I don’t CARE if I am not stylish but I look good (enough) and I really hate to spend money on expensive clothes. ( i also drive a Prius)
Honestly he needs to get a job making at least 40k a year. Look for at home jobs, sales jobs on the weekend, something. 1 year and they are debt free and when the youngest is in school next year he needs a full time job and now they are making 60-70k each and that will change their financial future. Pay down home, invest in retirement, save for kids college, go on vacations, the possibilities are out there.
If giving your children stuff cos it makes you feel good, it's to heal you... But they turn into materialistic, it's never enough types. ...😢 That would be sad. They don't want their dad to be tired from working
Please note that not all apartments make you pay for utilities. Mine's did not. It depends on where you live and how much you spend. I never paid for utilities until I bought a house.
same, i havent paid utilities since 2006 lol. i also live in the same building because of this fact lolol. and now that im investing im never living my low rent apt. that said I bet most apartments charge utility. i have NO FRIENDS who dont pay it. and i have a lot of friends.
There is nothing wrong with waiting a little bit for parents to save up for nicer things. It doesn't have to be instant to be appreciated equally, if not more.
Ramit I am a first gen immigrant and started watching your show recently (and read a book). It was a great assurance seeing that my numbers on CSP were already right in places, but your book taught me seeing it in a more structured way. Buying a house is somewhat an emotional decision, it is THE PLACE for which it is tied down to the feeling of security. It is not the best financial decision by any means but I do find your views about buying house a bit too extreme 😊
ramit you magnificent custard! This is epic. I was missing out on a lot by jus listening to the audio versions. The credit card shredding scene should be in a montage on Times Square. Anyhoo am gonna make an event/ceremony out of my situation as well. Will keep you posted. Or better yet send you an invite 🥳
Thank you Ramit for the wonderful show , thank you for the people with courage to talk about their financial situation It’s really eye opening and I love how brilliant Ramit approached to let the people see the solution by themself . Ramit is an amazing human being , thank you for everything you do ❤❤❤Much Love and respect 🙏🙏🙏
These two are so sweet and cute. I wish them all the best and that they'll get to a place where they can vacation and treat their kids and each other great without stress.
I had a paper round at a young age. It wasn't a trauma. Amongst other things, it did make me very wary of having kids, because you never know when you might not be able to provide for them. I'd rather only be responsible for myself, and where I grew up having kids was a choice.
This was frustrating! Ryan seems to be stunted. He really is, in some ways, like his mom. He’s saying he’s making it and not allowing his kids “suffer” but he can’t afford it. Growing up not having air Jordan’s is a story so many kids can relate to. I’m not saying his trauma is irrelevant but that example didn’t really explain it. Their family can’t be one income. He needs to work. Short and simple. Part time, side gig, whatever! Get a skill and do it. He simply wants to stay home “for the kids” but if they home school, then they should let that be known. Otherwise, what is he doing when the kids are at school. He’s not wanting to work just like his mother!
the 4 year old may not be in kindergarten yet. And child care is not cheap its another added expense. Also i agree he needs to look at other options, like maybe working from home & setting up a schedule for his 4 year old...maybe look into community or free programs for pre-schoolers...some states have them where some kids go for the morning session..and some go for the afternoon session. My Nephew in Pennsylvania was in such a program. The Child can be picked up or taken to program during his Lunchbreak should he work from home. This is just an example of thinking outside the box, if he really wants to get out of debt and save for their future.
She said they've always been able to pay their utilities never had them shut off and pay their car insurance but the fact is they really haven't been able to afford those things without racking up so much debt. They don't like the way they were raised with no money and had to struggle but they are doing the same thing to themselves and their daughters
Just by listening to all these families I've multiple lessons. I've been obsessed watching all these videos and learning so much I just bought three books I'm waiting for them to get here on August 9th I don't really want a lot of that at all compared to all these people but I do want to live my rich life.
