We Had to Censor This Video A LOT 

Tell me the craziest thing you've seen on a train in the replies. Like and share this video then we'll make a follow-up. We had to censor this video more than usual, RU-vid seemed to be more offended by it than usual.

Im a train cleaner and I was on my day off, but still had my work keys on me. Some lad decides to tag the shit out of the toilet. Now, considering i'm the guy who would have to spend a good hour cleaning it all off i was pretty pissed off. Part of me was gonna let it go cause i wasnt on shift that night so wouldnt have been my mess to clean up, but when he walked back in the toilet to do more i couldnt help myself. I walked up to the door and i shut the power off. I told the driver there was a tagger locked in the toilet and to have the police unlock the door when it gets to nowra 😂. I found out later from the driver that the police arrested him and after he was released was refused access to nowra station and was pissed cause he had to get an uber back to wollongong to get home.

I had a dude showing off his hidden knife collection. He pulled 4 knives out of various locations all over his body and was playing with them most of the train journey. Biggest one had a foot long blade. When I eventually got off the train at Perth station I spoke to a guard and he said "yeah we know about him, he does that all the time". Good on ya Armadale line!

Many moons ago, when I was a young warthog, I was travelling on the Cleveland to Brisbane line when 3 teenagers stole my skateboard, I 12 at the time. They took the board just as the doors were closing and jumped out only to have the truck get stuck. The truck caught one of the skidmarks bags as the train took off, he fell followed by a loud POP and a scream. The board was pulled down to the bottom of the door and stayed there till the next stop. When the door opened there was only half a board left... A few weeks later I saw the same teen at the shops with a cast on his leg and arm being pushed around by his mum. Always makes me chuckle.

I worked at Southern Cross Station and one Saturday night, I was looking over the platforms and saw a young guy jump down between the back end of the locomotive and the first carriage...of a train that was departing in two minutes. I ran over to see what was happening, only to find this guy holding onto both the loco and carriage by his fingertips, while he was crouching down and barely balancing on the air hoses that ran through the train, to operate the brakes. Asked him WTF? He said he had no money for a ticket and was going to ride all the way to Geelong like that. I helped him out and took him down to the train conductor (who was a mate) and explained the situation. He let him on for free. If I hadn't happened to randomly spot him, He would have been cat food in less than a minute after the train started moving.

Dead dog in a suit case on the train is an old story. its the story that gets retold at most 21st birthday partys after the comicaly drunk uncle archetype gets too cool for the party.

My dad witnessed someone with not a STRAND of hair combing his bald head. He went up to ask what he was doing and got a dirty look from the bloke before hopping on the train. Update, I talked to him it was Newtown Station.

walked out a train station (Perth suburbs) and saw someone lightly covering themselves with a jumper and using a needle ~20m away from police dealing with someone OD'ing. Then I went to watch despicable me 4 so not worst thing I saw that day.

In Brisbane train going to Cleveland. Ticket inspectors get on. Guy doesn't have ticket/gocard. Some shouting. I hear him scream "I'm Batman", "I'm The Goddamn Batman", "Batman doesn't need to a gocard". He was running down the train aisle with a batman mask on. He was not wearing it when boarding. Almost everyone was laughing.

I was stuck alone in a carriage with a toothless woman on sth coast line who was screaming craizily at the automated anouncer ladys voice going "shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up!" It was a quiet carrige

The kid of one of my dads army mates, licked a train window, and got some mystery disease so rare the doctors didn’t give him any antibiotics/antivirals for WEEKS so they could observe the progression of the disease.

On late and seedy Australia Day train ride home. Saw a bloke on the Mandurah-Perth line, pulling a 1-wheeled fridge trolley with his stereo on it. He'd stop every few seats and loudly but politely challenge guys to fights. He was a perfect blend of hilarious and train-dero threatening. The fact that his stero was pumping 80s Rocky Balboa workout tunes really set the vibe. Good fighting music.

A bloke on the train once loudly asked the entire carriage if anyone had an empty bottle, so I raised my empty can of mother and proceeded to come get it, and piss in the can. He thanked me, asked me if I knew anywhere in the city he could watch a footy match that was on, so I took him to The Victory hotel, and he bought me a jug of beer. Good trade

Croydon station, Melbourne. I was _maybe 12_ and with a friend, and we caught the train on a Saturday morning to go to the shopping centre at Eastland. There were two adult women who got on at the same time we did, each of them was pushing a pram with a baby in it, and each of them had an open can of Woodstock in hand. Me and my friend sat down first and these gold star mothers pushed their prams up the aisle past where we were sitting and as they passed us I saw inside the pram, and apart from a baby there was maybe 9 or 10 more loose cans of Woodstock rolling around with the baby. One of them noticed that I saw that and she shouted _"FUCK YOU LOOKIN' AT?"_ Again, I was maybe 11 or 12. It was very confronting.

My brother is a cop around the frankston area and he's arrested that ''I own Frankston'' kid twice. He reckons he'll end up killing someone or someone will kill him. New years 23-24 him and his mates caught the ferry to Phillip Island and stole a car and drove it back to Frankston.

That story about the dog and the suitcase is an ancient 4chan story, maybe even before that

Happened years ago on the city to Ipswitch line heading into Brisbane (probably about 2006-2007). A poor disability worker, who was chaperoning a bunch of special needs people, was having an unsuccessful time from stopping two of her charges from giving each other standing gobbies on a 3/4 full train. Nothing she could do, including trying to put them in seperate seats would stop them giving each other a gobby. One of the the gobby participants lost his temper and pushed and screamed at the disability worker, to which she broke down and started crying. Her words of "I went to University for this" stick with me to this day.

Was on one of those older trains with purple seats when a few guys got on at Woy Woy, smashed the glass panel that has a bunch of wires and the word "VOLTAGE" written behind it, dumped some alcohol down there and then hopped back off right before the train departed. It was a Central Coast train so I didn't really think much of it till we were going through the heritage-listed Woy Woy railway tunnel and all of the lights suddenly went out. Couple of people screamed and I found out that some of the stickers on the train walls are glow in the dark which is pretty cool.

I was a poor uni student doing my nightly commute home on the Central Coast line. My journey was (thusfar) uneventful, yet I needed to change carriages in order to get off on one of those short platform stations before Gosford. The second I moved carriages, I was greeted by a foul-smelling odor and about 3 visibly drunk guys- complete with booze in brown paper bags. Making my way past them as quickly as possible, I (somehow) managed to get off the train amidst their wolf-whisting and growling. As the doors closed and the train departed, I made the mistake of looking back at them. One guy (who was possibly also on ice) had managed to completely drop his dacks and managed to press himself against the glass. As a 19 year old (female) it was the first penis I had ever seen... This is now unfortunately a core memory... ~Gossy Good Times!~

Got on a train in Brisbane (it was the Beenleigh line so this is probs the most normal story from that line) I swear a woman died like 7 times on my trip from South Bank to Sunnybank, she was stood up and her eyes shut and slowly lurched forward before her soul returned to her body and she yelled “fuck alcohol” and got off at Moorooka

Oh man I have one hell of a story for this - if replacement buses count. I live in Victoria, and as every Victorian knows - trains are only trains about 75% of the time. The other 25% of the time they're the dreaded replacement buses. Replacement buses are prime settings for increased irritation, decreased capacity for letting things go and an all around aweful experience lingers among the denizens of these depraved chariots of the devil. Now tack on a rather interesting character. One I've come to refer to affectionately the Crack King of Boronia. He looked like some bull of anarchy. He wore no shirt, with both his nips pierced with these gigantic rings. His shorts, if you can call them that as they looked like a potato sack with holes. Tattoos of all sorts, covering large swathes of his body - including his head, neck, hands and feet. Yes, feet - he wore no shoes. His face was the most interesting part. Speed dealer sunnies, a giant nose ring that had deformed his septum to hang to his lips, multiple sets of heavy ear rings which did the same to his ears, and an interesting haircut in which could only be described as demonic clown - that is all bald except for these tufts from the side of his head that brought to a peak above his shining scalp - very horn like. This man also has a strange proclivity for a few things; insulting anyone who made eye contact with such speed and viciousness that it forces you off balance (mentally), speaking very passionately - as though in thorough debate with the masters of old - with people no one else could see, as well as an odd third quirk. So now dear reader, picture this: on one particularly fateful afternoon in the dead of winter, I happened across this herald of chaos waiting as patiently as you could imagine he'd be capable of. Unfortunately for all involved, the bus happened to be running rather late - by a good 20 minutes or so. We were all understandably a little pissed. Winter in Melbourne particularly is bone chilling. The mood of the crowd sinking, and the anger rising - it was all too inevitable when some poor little Asian girl bumped into him with her bag. She tried to apologise only to be met with a flurry of aweful comments about her race, size, gender (though interestingly and or thankfully no threats of a particularly horrific nature). None of us acted, we were all frozen in fear ourselves. It was like watching someone get obliterated by a landmine in front of you. That aside, the bus finally arrived - which is where his second quirk comes into play. I thoroughly believe the man was in psychosis. No doubt. He spoke to people that did not exist, and got visibly angry when people interrupted his conversations in any way. I did not recognise where his 'friends' were, and had the horrifying experience of sitting where one happened to exist. This man, before I could even comprehend what I had done, flew into an unholy rage, cursing fiercely, hopping around in his seat, spit leaking from his mouth. He looked rabid. I quickly got up, and practically jogged to the back of the bus, not daring to make eye contact with the man. Which is where his third quirk comes into play - and may be partly to blame for his very state of being (not that I'm against it, but I believe that some people have these reactions). He pulls out a little bag of cannabis, and some papers. Surprising quickly, rolls a joint, and lights it on a relatively crowded bus. This man begins to smoke it in big puffs - the only saving grace of this situation being his sudden and profound calmness. He then offers it to the crowd? none of which take it. It is at this point that the busdriver has had enough. He tells the man he is making him get off at the next stop. When we got to the next station - next stop - there was a group of 6 police officers waiting for the bus, at which upon our arrival they got everyone off the bus through the back door as the man was sitting near the front, and began a tug of war that lasted god knows how long as they were still going when the next bus got us 20 minutes later. I would love to know where he is now because I haven't seen him around for months, god willing he isn't dead. TLDR; crazy crackhead who can only be described as a human owl from hell on replacement buses. Man has a penchant for cruelty, hallucination and drugs; verbally assaults everyone around him, debates imaginary people out loud - getting rabidly violent if interrupted/disturbed , and openly smokes weed on a crowded bus. Arrested eventually? All around entertaining but terrifying experience, 10/10.

How has no one mentioned the crazy old guy (in Sydney) that washes his feet on the train? He will sit in a spot taking up 6 seats as he would put his feet up on the seats in front of him. He would use a water bottle to pour water on his bare feet then wipe them with tissues (napkins perhaps), only pausing intermittently to use the same tissues to wipe his head. The whole time mumbling something under his breath. Once during peak hour it almost ended in fisticuffs as people were pissed about having to stand whilst old mate had 6 seats to himself.

On a train going out to an Iron Maiden concert at the Brisbane Entertainment Center there was a guy sitting at one end of the carriage sitting there wearing a wife beater and some stubby shorts, drank a six pack of woodstock and cola while chain smoking cigarettes and sharpening an eight inch Bowie knife with a random chunk of rock he was using as a whetstone. At some point he went to the toilet, when the door opened it was like he had a fog machine as a thick cloud of meth smoke came flooding out around him. It also became very obvious that under his uncomfortably short shorts he was wearing a g-string that he had pulled up to a whale tail. Nobody said a word to him.

One weeknight, I was on the train leaving Perth CBD. In the corner was a Frenchman, complete with beret, sucking down his vape non-stop. Despite PA announcements telling him to stop, he kept at it, either ignoring them or not understanding English. At Stirling Station, security guards boarded. Before they could speak, the guy jumped up, yelled in incomprehensible French, and threw a brown paper bag at a guard. He then sprinted off the train and up the escalator. I’m not joking when I say that inside the bag were several snails, some crushed up and some still crawling. It smelled terrible. The guard looked bewildered, and the whole carriage sat in stunned silence for the rest of the journey.

I was travelling from Parramatta at night and there was a bloke blasting Nickleback on a boombox. A lot of passengers left the carriage, but a few people ignored it, and myself and another woman were just vibing. The lady gets up and sits next to the bloke so they can scream/sing together. The woman is also facetiming her boyfriend, by the way. Not too long after, another woman comes into the carriage yelling at the guy to turn the music off (can't blame her, even though I was enjoying basking in the bogan behaviour). She comes and goes several times, getting progressively more aggressive. Eventually she stands in the aisle and begins yelling at the first lady to move (the guy was at the window seat). When she refused, the second woman yanked her up and out of the way, yelling at her to get away from the guy. When the first woman stands up for herself, the second slaps her hard across the face. I instantly get up and get between them (I'm a short, overweight woman so I'm not sure what I was planning to do, but the first lady was tiny and the second was super tall, and I wasn't about to leave her to fend for herself). Fortunately for all of us, the second woman left to stand at the doors, screaming at the guy all the while. I check on the first woman - who's fine, fortunately - and we listen to this other woman continue to scream at the first lady to "keep away from her husband". Turns out the bloke with the boombox was her partner, and she got jealous of this young chick sitting next to him?? (Especially funny since the young woman was facetiming her boyfriend at the time, too) The other woman kept muttering until she got off - without her husband. He confirmed they were partners and she was "crazy". No shit. Anyway, we all kept vibing to Nickleback until the bloke got off, and the lady and I got off later at Redfern. She was able to laugh the whole thing off fortunately, kept worrying if her makeup had been messed up and telling me she'd been hit harder by people half that woman's size. Parramatta, man.

Back in the 00s, used to take what was then the “Epping Line” (now Mernda Line). Morning peak inbound, there was a fellow we nicknamed “duck man” as he would walk through every carriage making quacking noises. If an attractive female was sitting down, he would say “HA HA HA” followed by three raspberries before simply moving on. He rode the train all the way from Epping to Flinders Street. And honourable mention to all the bogans who rode between North Richmond and Victoria Park, sucking on durries and downing VB on the open-air bridge between carriages on the Comeng sets. When I look back on it though, I appreciate the courtesy they showed by not subjecting us in the carriage to the smell of smoke. These days you have eshays who don’t GAF.

I was on a train from Sydney to the Central Coast, it was pretty packed so I was in the standing section near the doors. Hairy older bloke in front of me pulls out a bong, there was probably 3 or 4 other people watching on as he did this. He saw me looking and said "D'ya want a cone, mate?". I politely declined. Watching this clearly wasted guy try and balance smoking a cone while standing up on a moving train is just one of those funny images I'll never forget. He somehow pulled it off though. 10/10 quintessential Central Coast Line experience.

I work as a train conductor in Hungary. On one busy summer day I was checking the tickets, and found a cigarette like smell from the back of the carriage. I decided to check up on it since smoking is fineable offense and fines mean a little extra pay at the end of the month. I opened the toilet door and saw 4 dudes cramped in a space designed for 1 to barely fit, trying to smoke. I was so confused that I was only able to say "Would you mind if I join in?" They were also confused, but confident so one of them answered "As long as we're not fined!" In the end we agreed on only one of them paying the fine, which is still lot of money (25000Ft = 102 Aud). Despite interactions like this one, most people are really friendly (some even ask about my mom, shows how close people are).

Saw a 50 year old fishermen looking guy throw hot coffee at the back of a woman's head in front of him before standing up with his hands raised saying "sorry, sorry, bad circumstance, bad circumstance". The attack was entirely unprompted. He then went to wait patiently by the doors for the next stop. Everyone was confused. The woman was in shock, never said a word.

Perth Central Train Station, 1999, walked into the ladies toilets and found a dead body.

About 3-4 dudes came on the train carrying a boombox and started break-dancing to hip-hop music for a few stops before making fun of everyone who thought it was weird and getting off. I wish I had the confidence of these guys ngl

I have to point out with the Irish story at 3:10 that the Irish rail system is notoriously bad. That was genuinely probably only one of two trains running that route over a 24 hour period and no trains run at night here so that dude was absolutely marooned in some godforsaken midlands town for anywhere from a good few hours to almost a whole day.

Fun fact at 1min 12 jordies says it's a quite carriage, but the car in question is set T64 and car N5233 is actually one of the middle cars

I’m an American, and once on a school field trip I almost got hit by a train. What happened was we left the school for some science presentation at a theater out in town. We load into the bus at 10:00 that morning and set off. We are making good time and I see we’re about to cross some tracks. I’m a train nerd (I mean, I REALLY like trains), and I know that at 11:00, the northbound Amtrak train passes through. I watch as we approach a crossing gate, and to my delight, the gates begin to close. However, my bus driver disregarded the oncoming train and began to pull through the crossing, as the lights were flashing and the gate was coming down. Even worse, he was moving at a snail’s pace. I tell him to reverse, but he tells me to sit down and shut up. I look down the tracks and see the incoming blue and silver locomotive that I knew so well barreling down on the bus at 30 mph, but I could tell it was speeding up. Then came the horn of the engine, which had a certain level of distress in its tone. The closing gates strike the front and back of the bus, nearly condemning the bus to die on the tracks. Luckily the bus managed to break through the gate and escape danger. I look back, and eight seconds later the train thundered by behind us. I hope that driver was suspended for nearly killing a bus full of 3rd graders.

After a rather big Friday night out in the Cross my mate and I were greeted by the biggest, brownest turd💩placed right in the centre of the first seat you laid eyes on when the carriage doors opened on the 6.00am train to Summerhill. The pair of us nearly added 12hrs of rum drinking to the seat as well but hardened up and moved along to the opposite end of the carriage. That was 23 yrs ago and I still have flashbacks..

Once was on a Caboolture train. A couple gets on with 2 duffel bags and are clearly high and drunk beyond measure. He opens one of the bags up to reveal it full of VB’s and Bundies which he then proceeds to offer to everyone in the carriage - including myself. He forces it into my hand and given I was only 16 at the time, I hand it back to him and he immediately cracks it open. It only escalated from there. He then presses his face against the window and comments how fast we are going - we are currently stopped at a station. Time passes with more drinking and screaming between him and his wife. At some point she then collapses and splits her head open with blood coming out. What made this worse was this was at 3pm and she was surrounding by a bunch of shocked school children. More calamity ensues; he and her slipping over the spilt beer and blood and her jumping out of the train at a station screaming, the train had to wait 10 mins so the guard could get her back on. The cops finally showed and they took them both off the train with them screaming about how they just wanted to get to good old Caboolture. Good memories. Bonus Story. Was once told by a stranger I should make meth as it could make me “crazy rich” (like an influencer from wish / Caboolture) because I looked like a smart enough guy to make it.

I was on a train from Geelong returning to Werribee after Saturday afternoon game. The train stopped half way for a brief train related reason. One drunk fan decided he needed a piss, forced the door open and solved his problem. The carriage was packed so I guess he was doing a real community service...

Nothing raunchy but one time I was catching the southern line into Adelaide. There was a guy playing the worst tuned guitar you've ever heard. With no semblance of rhythm interspered with multiple monologues of him shouting at the top of his lungs about how each and every person on the train were sinners and that god had abandoned us. My partner and I spent several hours in the city and on the walk back to the trainstation he was outside the courthouse still playing and shouting.

The worst smell I have ever smelt was when an unfortunate soul got on the train. I have never smelt death before but this has to be close. It was horrific, like he had soiled himself for years and had been sleeping in a butchers dumpster in the summer heat. He came through the rear door and walked down carriage and onto the next. The smell was intense and lingered after he left. Majority of passenger disembarked at the next station to get on the next train because the smell was so horrendous. I swear it actually stained my nostrils, despite standing in the open air waiting for the next train I could still smell it. I often think about this and retch 17 year later, I hope his life got better.

Should have named it Thomas the Wank Engine

Once was travelling home from Uni on the train in Perth with my mate. Met a bloke who was ADAMANT he was the ONLY person who knew how to get into the Vatican secret archives. Claimed the password was elucidated in all of Da Vinci's paintings.

i fell that 500ml of canbola oil might have been alcohol in a canola oil bottle

That story about the dog is a copy pasta get rekt jordy

My dad used to work for the railways back in the 80s and some of the stories he had were absolutely insane. One time at Canterbury (NSW)station dad was selling tickets in a late afternoon and some strung-out junkie held him up with a dirty syringe after he took the little bit of cash the junkie walked straight across the road to the pub. When the cops came to get a statement they said ok we'll be on the lookout to which dad said oh you can find him at the pub he's sitting at the bar.

Living in the blue mountains I've seen everything from people shitting and pissing between seats to people fucking thinking they're being discrete. Worse still when you get groups of lads from Lithgow and they try to fight and annoy anyone that looks at them.

Was coming back from Melbourne on the Frankston line after a night out with some mates, some bloke down the other end of the carriage who was wearing a mask who I assume had a few too many to drink decides he needs to chunder. Guy didn't even move out of his seat or take off the mask for the rest of the journey.

There was a guy who would get on at Footscray station most days, using a cheap can of spray paint from a $2 shop to start chroming. One day, another bogan got on with a pack of Woodstock. He gave the first guy a can in exchange for a go of his chroming bag.

some guy threw up all over several seats and fellow passengers on a train. instead of actually cleaning it, they stopped the train for about 30 minutes and put several bags of pine shavings all over the offending part of the train. Instead of smelling like just vomit, the rest of my ride reeked of both vomit and pine shavings. this was in portland

On the Ferny Grove line in Briz Vegas, 2 chicks hopped on with a newspaper (those free shitty Mx NewsCorp papers they used to have) - they then proceeded to start a fire at the back of the carriage because "it was cold". Smoked out the whole carriage, had to evacuate at the next station. We stood on the platform and watched as the conductor attempted to stamp out the fire and disappeared within the smoke. Average Tuesday.

I was on the train home from the NRL grand finals with my dad. We had free tickets and weren't associated with either of the teams. A female St Georgs Dragons fan in her late 50s proceeded to kick some people off their seat, flip it over to put two rows of seats back to back and straddle them while singing, "when the saints go marching in." When we transferred trains at Lidcombe we got on a train with the supporters of the losing team, which was a much more sombre sing along of Bohemian Rhapsody... A core childhood memory

On the way back from North-Eastern China (next to the Russian border), a block got onto a train wearing nothing but a t shirt and shorts. Turns out, he went out of the previous train for a smoke, and the train left without him, which in turn left him standing in a t-shirt and shorts, for 20 minutes, in -15C

I work for a train company and have talked to drivers from Brisbane area, people commit suicide by train so often, there’s a procedure the drivers do when they spot it about to happen, ya wanna know that procedure? Hit the emergency brake and look somewhere in the cabin to avoid the mental trauma, apparently the last second or two nearly all of the people that commit suicide must regret their decision, I’ll leave it at that.

Watched a guy piss into a medium maccas cup heading from brisbane to the gc... he had more in him than a medium cup so he just kept going then when he put the cup on the floor and the train stopped and started it would slosh around and spill out, by the time i got off the trail of piss was almost to the other carriage.

Going to Newtown a few months back, my friend and I switched to the appropriate train at Strathfield. After a significant delay we learned via the public address system than a death happened outside Burwood station. The train FINALLY started moving, though significantly slowly, and we get past Burwood Station and see at the back of a stooped full train, one silver tarp on the tracks with a lump under it, with another tarp immediately next to the tracks with another lump under it. This was previously one whole person. Yikes.

In Perth I saw a bloke sitting on the floor at my platform wearing a singlet shorts and work boots. He kept looking and fiddling with his boot like something was wrong. Naturally we get onto the same train car and within 2 mins he had his boots off. His feet were bear inside the boots and his toe nails went on for miles. He spent a few minutes picking at his toes until eventually(and inevitably) lighting up a fat blunt. At the next stop the Transit Authority hopped on, 2 Indian women each not taller than 5'2". Immediately they clocked him and asked if he had a ticket, to which he responded "No, and I'm not going to buy one." After a brief exchange of looks they decided that a the teenaged girl pretending to be asleep would be an easier target. This incurred the wrath and displeasure of many other patrons as the TA continued to press the young girl to show a ticket whilst the bloke lit up yet another dank doobie. I then arrived at my stop and can only speculate how the situation continued to devolve.

One time I was on a Brisbane train (SMU 220 I think) to Ipswich at night. Then, at booval station a half naked guy ran off the other carriage, then ran into the carriage I was in and ran through, half naked, full speed, and with what looked like a spear, then ran all the way through the rest of the train. I was just laughing my head off afterwards.

I once caught the Cleveland line train back from work, What looked to be a 13 year old kid was chroming on the train, I asked him kindly to please stop as it was stinking up the whole train, he then threw the can on the ground and threatened to beat the shit out of me, I laughed and just told the train guard, The kid then made up a story about how "he said he was going to hit me with his skateboard' (which i had been holding at the time). Pretty nuts, though i've gotta admit, the kid must be superhuman to be able to think up a story/excuse that quick while chroming at only 13

Finishing work real late, got on the Beenleigh line, was pretty quiet until we got further down the line, a guy got on with a new york mets shirt, shorts and thongs, probably the most methed up guy id seen in a while traveling that line, he came up to me and asked if he could have the coke bottle I had been drinking. Thinking he probably was gonna take a piss in it, " oh I couldnt have been more wrong" man went up to the quad seat near the drivers door, take a squat and the sound and smell immediately confirmed the worst. Guy even gave me a wave as I moved carriage, how polite.

Was on a train from Cleveland Hopkins international airport to Cleveland while traveling with my parents. Some dude in our car was stoned out of his mind: the entire ride he was either laughing to himself, spitting on the floor (a spitwad every few seconds), or smoking on the train the entire half hour ride to the station in the city closest to our hotel. No one on the train really cared, the people the transit authority have to 'enforce' the rules were flirting with each other at the front of our car and did nothing. The stoned dude of course got off on the same stop as us and headed in the same direction as our hotel, so my parents and I took a 2 block detour to get to the hotel. He somehow made the rest of our time in Cleveland seem better.

Morning peak hour (630-7am), Gosford station. Train pulled in on platform 2 headed to Newcastle, with a guy laying across the seat, jacking it in full view of the people waiting on platform 1. The guy was escorted off the train by the cops, still hard as a rock. Made for some interesting conversations on the morning commute.

Work put on a farewell lunch for me at a Japanese Dumpling joint, and we went a little hard on the sake, beer and dumplings. I took the gamble and caught the train back, an express, and then started to feel very green due to the train's motion. The train was a packed afternoon peak service. I stood up to get off at the next stop and felt the nausea hit immediately .... I painted the vestibule floor with vomit. The train stopped at the station, and I continued vomiting on the platform. I collected myself, and then went up to the station toilets to 'cleanup' somewhat, and then had to catch the train the rest of the way back, trying to avoid sitting next to other passengers. It was embarrassing and quite the smell to deal with for the other train.

I caught a crowded train at Wynyard in Sydney a few months ago and at Town Hall an unsteady man got on and immediately went into the bit between carriages that is no longer outside the train. He leaned his head against the wall and after a couple seconds he started loudly vomiting in volleys. He would make an "ouwaargh" noise while puking and then moan between spurts, which just wouldn't stop coming. There was just so much vomit and it stank, too. It was a mix of alcohol and still recognisable food, probably fried rice and meat based on the ingredients. At one point a woman went to pass between the carriages and when she saw the mess she visibly recoiled in horror and turned around to walk the other way. People were coughing and trying to cover their noses. I got off at Newtown, so I don't know what happened with him in the end.

me and two mates were heading home from redfern station and on one of the platforms walked past two drunk guys pissing awfully close together, and as we passed them one of them goes "yo, we're crossing streams!". we saw our mate off and went to a different platform to catch our train and they were standing in their puddle leaning against the wall. and on that train we caught, we saw what was definitely half digested meat in two piles. god i love this city

Had a guy drunk out his gourd chatting enthusiasticly with his mate on the phone, it quickly turned into an agressive argument and then I realised he had no phone or earphones. He got off the same stop we did giving a irish farewell to his ghost mate/lover giving them the finger. He leaned up against the outside of the train and took a piss. When the train began to leave he turned back around and waddled out the gate, completely unaware he was still pissing.

Boston - after sportsball games the usual drunken fights NYC - a lot of public masturbation… a lot Sacramento- the light rail is always wild after dark… one time a group of guys tried to pick me up, another handful of guys were standing by to see if they needed to step in, and one of them asked if I had a fake leg as I walked off (I walk with a cane, I just have a partially paralyzed leg) As long as you don’t look like a scared tourist you’re usually fine. - A random American who’s lived in many US cities

I have got so many public transport stories, But one that stands out was on the Frankston line towards Flinders street (melb), and this guy across from me suddenly stood up announcing he was about to die (he had cut his leg a few times through his jeans with a knife, and there was some visible blood) and fellow commuters could save him if they gave him $300 as he needed to travel to i think sydney (or some other state, cannot 100% remember where he had to go, just that it was outside victoria). He ranted for a bit, sometimes saying he was already about to die, other times saying he was ready to commit unaliving himself in front of everyone. No one responded, i avoided eye contact, and he eventually got off at a station that had no connecting trains. It was a surreal experience.

We've had quite a few self deletions by jumping in front of the train, we've had a 'stabbing with terroristic motives' at a train station, we've had a guy going on a rampage in a tram, killing at least 3 iirc and we've had a switch station firebombed in another attempted terror attack (There were 200.000 people at the train station that couldn't move due to the ruined switches, so it's not like it was a bad plan, just that step 2 never happened). IN the trains things are mostly normal though. I'm in Central Europe so there's plenty of trains and I'm sure weird stuff has happened, but not to me or people I know. Outside them train doors though.. Perilous.

I remember years ago, traveling on the country link train service. One stop along the way 3 bogans get on the train. Now you can buy alcohol on the train but the selection was shit and way too expensive (they complained about it). A little while later the train was going through maitland but it wasn't meant to stop there. Train randomly stops. Announcer says the typical "don't worry passengers we will investigate the stoppage. We will be here for about 20 minutes while the train restarts" About 20 minutes later we see those same bogans walk through the train towards the rear carriage carrying a carton each. Not long after security come through and remove the bogans from the train. Turns out, the bogans pressed the emergency stop button so they could get off the train, go to the bottle-o that was about that we could see from the railway line to grab drinks since it was too expensive on the train for them to get shitfaced

The guy stealing the dead dog probably thought it was an instrument that they could flick off at cashies.

Newcastle-Sydney train - when I was young and naive and needed to pee, but didn't know that you just don't bother with the toilets on the intercity trains. The entire cubicle was literally covered in 💩

Drug dogs got on train back from my last big day out. I ate the rest of my stash with the plan of vomiting them up after, unfortunately they busted some kid with a $50 of weed and strip searched him taking long enough for my heroic dose to turn me into a gargoyle. I perched up on the back of the seat at started frothing and speaking in tongue’s.. the rest is on my charge sheet… fin

Watched a guy hang upside down from one of the handrails on a metro train, just intensely staring at everyone that got on. I got off before he did so I have no idea what happened to him. Some say he’s still chilling there to this day

That dog story is the oldest wives tale of all time. You fell for it bruz

From Switzerland(dk if you guys wanna hear only aussie stories). I use the train every day, so I have some stories. One day I sat on the train when at a stop an eledry man walked in and asked if he could have a seat near another old man. They started chatting and when one asked the other where he's from and he answered with the location and family name all hell broke loose. The other bloke started to scream and shout about how his family are thiefs and cutthroats. I then got to see a "fight" between 2 75 year old men while being held back by other passangers.

When you sit down and immediately recognize the pee smell you know you've made it

Was visiting London with my brother and got an overground train (idk which), and had a homeless man get on, and proceed to walk up to a couple and stand there looking them dead in the eyes while screaming. They had no reaction and tried their very best to look at their phones and not at him. He clearly figured he wasn’t getting anywhere with them, and so moved on to where my brother and I were sat across from eachother. He stood about 1 ft away from us while screaming/singing some kind of gospel song, again while looking us in the face while my brother and I just had a staring contest with each other trying desperately not to have any kind of reaction. The man decided he’d done enough sing-screaming to ask for £10 or change for a £50 note (this was also screamed at us). Finally he gave up on us and moved on to the next carriage, where he tried the same method again with every group of people he could find. It was incredible.

Oh I'm sure that couple were aware that everyone knew. That's the point of exhibitionism.

Was on a Frankston train and there was the classic of someone blasting music from a speaker. Except they were "singing" along to the music, and one of them had a kitchen knife and was swinging it in time with the music like it was beatsabre on meth

4:34 I'd pay for the story from guy who stole the suitcase when he opened it if this actually happened. lmao

One Monday morning about 4:30am, I was walking into Taringa Station in Brisbane. I heard this odd grunting and sounds like punches coming from the bottom of the stairs. As I reached the bottom I turned around to make sure no one was getting bashed, (the grunts sounded painful, as did the flesh on flesh thuds) and came face to face with this dude getting plugged up the bum by another dude, just under the stairs, in full view of anyone who cared enough to watch. The receiver was getting quite railed and did not appear to be enjoying the experience. Both stared at me as I sort of just, backed away, as the thrusting and grunting continued. I sat as far away from them as humanly possible. Sort of fucked up my entire Monday tbh.

Was on train in brisbane. It's insane how many employees there just stand around and chat. Why do you need 3 people at the ticket gate??? One time saw 3 ticket inspectors stand around in the quiet carrage talking loudly for a 40 minute train ride.

_"All train compartments smell vaguely of shit. It gets so you don't mind it. That's the worst thing that I can confess."_ - Richard Roma (Al Pacino), Glen Garry Glen Ross (1992)

I need a complete breakdown of the difference between the trains in Australia and the trains in New York. My mom and sister went on the subway in New York and not one but 4 mariachi bands boarded and started playing. If you don’t know how bad that is I’ll try and explain. Imagine a grenade goes off and the sound from the explosion just never stops. No music just unintelligible noise that would be sure to cause some actual brain damage. And that’s only 6th worst thing that could happen on the New York subway

4:17 Something makes me suspect it probably *wasn't* canola oil in that bottle

I used to live and commute on the Frankston line daily. I have more stories than I can remember. Any day at any time there was always a memorable moment that you wish you didn't have to endure. And that was over 20 years ago. Public transport is fun!

Was on the way to Newcastle and the train got stuck just outside of Cardiff for about 3hrs as the tracks were flooded (this was the same storm that "docked" the Pasha Bulker). The carriage I was one was full of pre-schoolers coming back from an excursion who then started freaking out throwing books and textas everywhere. The teachers clearly didn't know how to handle them so they just told them to draw in their text books, which worked for about 5mins before the chaos continued. Many of us moved up carriages until we got to the drivers area and just waited for it to end.

I can hear Ali in the background yelling at the top of his voice "I'm on that train!"

Dublin to Galway trains are wild. I was once sitting among a group of drunk middle aged people, and three out of five of them threw up. One (unsuccessfully) tried to throw up out the tiny open window, getting vomit everywhere. I had to just sit there and just watch as it dripped down the window, into a puddle on our table. Eventually the guy sitting across from me fell asleep, resting his head in the puke. By the time we got to Galway I was ready to throw up myself, not an enjoyable train journey.

I think I saw the Pakenham Canola oil guy or maybe necking bevs while holding eye contact is a thing there... I was on an empty carriage and he walked up and sat directly opposite me. He skulled 6 cans of bourbon one by one crushing each can on his forehead after finishing it. Staring at me the whole time. Lucky I AM from frankston so I wasn't that shocked 😂

I was catching an overnight train from Izmir in Turkey to Istanbul. I booked a first class no smoking carriage but every C*** smoked anyway. That's not the story. I was overcome with stomach cramps and had to bolt to the dunny which was a squat hole exposed to the tracks. I proceeded to shit myself silly but then had to vomit and had to lean forward to spew into the tiny sink opposite. As I heaved by guts up, I shat again - all over the backs of my jeans and my shoes. It was quite messy and there was no dunny paper so I used my swiss army knife to cut off the legs of my jeans and wiped myself down and dumped them onto the tracks whizzing past. I stumbled back to my seat in my denim shorts and sat down. My mate then asked "Can you smell shit?" and "Hey weren't you wearing fucking jeans?"

Hornsby line, was sitting one one end of the carriage facing the rest of the passengers. witnessed a lady at the other end of the carriage take a phone call, hang up after about a minute, and then start crying. Not really wild or crazy but every now and then I wonder what the fuck kinda bad news she got

I worked for NSW State Rail during the 1980's. I worked at a country railway station before becoming a guard on the trains and worked from a few depots. One depot had a regular passenger service all stops to the first suburban station, then limited stops to Central, then returned after the crew had a break. NOBODY wanted to work the job that had the return trip leaving Central around 6:30 pm on Friday, as all the half pissed office johnnys who had a bad week took this one. I was not warned before scoring my first "Friday Night Special." I did not care if shenanigans were consensual, if people were high, drunk, homeless or asleep and I have certainly seen people do things that should not be written or talked about (human beings can actually sh*t in 4 dimensions). What did annoy me was people being c*nts to those around them; either drunk and annoying, trying to pick a fight or blokes being lecherous to women. Fortunately, I have the size and appearance of the love child of a minotaur and a yowie and nasty situations were always resolved favourably. Most memorable moment: I knocked on a carriage toilet door after a passenger reported hearing "noises and crying". I asked through the door if they were OK. The door opened and I was met by the scene of a crying dude with his inflatable girlfriend....who was in a state of deflating. He asked me if I could pinch off the small tear in the inflatable lady's leg while he finished...I told him I could give him some electrical tape, which I did a few minutes later. Incidentally, he HAD purchased a ticket for her as well as himself. Yep, just another day at work.

not a train story, but a servo story, specifically a Coles Express story. It was 11pm on a wintery night in Canberra - and sometimes I like to go for walks at night and grab something from the local servo, since its a good 30 minute walk to clear my head and relax since things are so quiet. But on my way back home this 20-something man walked up to me, fully naked in below-zero temperatures. Was a bit unsure at first, but turns out it was part of his bucket list to go for a walk naked?? He didn't seem dodgy, just blokey, so I gave him the high-five he asked for and as he walked off in the direction of the busy pubs and shops, he asked if his ass looked good. Unable to see it in the darkness (not that I wanted to anyway) and being incredibly awkward, I simply gave him a thumbs up and headed back home.

A Vline out rural ways. Going home for uni break. I watch a guy get up while the Conductor was checking tickets and just scream at him for like five seconds before sitting back down. Just a continuous scream. He then handed over his ticket. One time on a metro train I got stopped by Myki inspectors who refused to believe I was a student. Train pulled into Flinders and I just walked away. They couldn't really do much about it and after refusing to accept my student ID I didn't feel that bad about it. EDIT: Spelling

Ive seen a guy shitting on Sunshine Station in Melb. Twice.

One late night my gf and I, were going home from a concert in Melbourne, we head to the local metro station (can't remember which) and were heading down the dank tunnels to the platforms. When we reach the ramp to our platform we were immediately greeted by the glorious sight of a skinny blond white boy, no shirt, only one shoe and his family jewels hanging out from some board-shorts relieving himself. As we pass him, he seemed to relish the experience and asked us to have a good look. We prayed he wouldn't be joining us for our PTV journey. Of course, God prefers nature to run its course and enjoy the show. The man runs onto the train just before it leaves, obviously with a freshly lit dart hanging from his lips. He spends the journey obviously off his head, walking up and down the carriages, smoking despite the tired requests of the driver, asking every woman he saw to smash or if he could sleep on their couch cos he couldn't remember where he lives, begging for weed, playing himself and showing off the package. Another story was the time I sort of saw a stabbing on a train coming home from work. As far as I could tell some mentally unwell guy was freaked out and ended up stabbing someone near him (I was about 1/2 a carriage away but a few people were standing so I didn't see much) and while everyone was very shocked they also watched intently as some people tried to calm him down, only for him to flee at the next station. The train continued to the next stop where the police were waiting to get statements and examine the scene, which they took from the victim before putting him in the ambulance so it can't have been too bad. As a bonus, I got hit by a car on my way home the following day.

Worked as a guard for Sydney Trains for over a decade, that "fk it don't worry about it" happens more often than you'd think lmao. I'm not sure where I've seen more bodily fluids, on the job or raising 2 children.

I frequently go on the frankston line as to get into the city, the tomfoolery that goes down. Every time there is (at least) one creepy old dude staring at me, and once at southern cross i was asked if i was staff 5 times, not to mention all the eshays

Drinking 500ml of oil….that’s some junji ito shit

Guy got on at Fairfield station with a lawnmower he borrowed to take with him. Got off at Guildford station. A few eyebrows raised that day. People smoking on travel trains is a common thing a few have been left behind in the middle of nowhere. On the old trains they use to open the doors while the train was creeping along slow and smoke. They had to fit alarms in the doors to notify staff the passengers side door on the car was open. The police would be waiting at the next station to arrest them.