What are the boundaries of helping family with money? 

Whatever you do.....DON'T let your unemployed family move in with you!

"There's not enough money in the planet to help her." Exactly. She has to change her behavior and attitude first.

The one word that comes to mind with many of these calls is: Enabling. You are harming someone when you simply offer a bail out, especially if there is no indication the person is willing to modify their negative behaviors.

I quit helping my family cause they refuse to change their spending habits. I helped my brother get a car payment up to date cause he fell behind by a couple of months, so that was $750.00 and then insurance was $240.00. What does he do? BUY LOTTO TICKETS INSTEAD OF PAYING US BACK. He lived in our house, let his cat poop in his room, made a mess so bad in our spare room, it took me a few days to even get it clean! He ended up still homeless to this day--leaving his cat behind, which if he don't claim it in another month, it goes to another home. My sister is in that same boat. One bad decision after another. My DAD thinks I am following suit, and I am NOT. I have not been homeless in over 8 years now, and have paid down my debts from $48K to just under 20K due to having only a part time job cause nobody wanted to hire a disabled Vet. I have had a roof over my head for those 8 years, I have a car that runs and gets me to work, which I started this job in August--and I have food in my pantry and frig, which makes it really nice NOT to have to ask for anything. God has blessed me quite well. But getting my Dad and other relatives to see this is like getting them to notice a mite on a brick wall. So I stopped calling them, I stopped helping them, and I walked away from their relationship. As Dave says--I am doing better than I deserve. I plan on being paid off and debt free as of October 2020 to include all car loans, credit debts, student loans, and even my husbands debts. By Oct 2023 I will have money saved to buy a house, have investments for retirement, and kids will be OUT of college by that time anyway. So living is looking real good right now, Lord willing. I told my kids I am done saying we are broke. I know when I started this budget thing, it was getting so tight, you could hear the pennies screaming for mercy. When all is said and done, I will be the FIRST MILLIONAIRE in my family and loving every moment of it. You cannot help family if you are still sinking in debt yourself!

Wow. It really makes me appreciate my parents.

Dave - someday I want to give the crash course in senior survival. You can’t wait till “I’m retiring next month with no money”. Start about five years before retirement. I’m 77, live alone, had no opportunity for a pension since I ended up raising the kids alone. At 60, I got my name on every subsidized senior housing development. Kids are grown so every cent went to debt. Sell everything because you are scaling down. I have a beautiful garden apartment. $350 rent and utilities. No debt, 5 months emergency funds, car is paid off and my credit score is 822. My social security is $1557 net. I don’t qualify for food stamps or Medicaid. I’ve forgotten what a restaurant looks like and other than birthday and Christmas gifts for the grandchildren, spend nothing extra. But I’ve never asked my kids for anything nor expect it, but I want to yell at people “PLAN AHEAD “!!

This is why families are best separated by distance and only visits on holidays etc.

Dave is just too sweet to some people. I help someone out financially for 8 years and then I learn she lost her job due to theft, I'd be done right then. Then again, I doubt I'd be helping for 8 years unless she was disabled or something.

Don’t do it. EVER. You do it once, they’ll expect it in perpetuity. “You did it before, why not nooooow?!”

Tell friends and family asking for money this, "Sorry to hear that. If I had the money I would give it to you, I just don't have it."

Family tend to take advantage of you and 8 out of 10 times they WILL NOT PAY YOU BACK. Why? Bc they don't feel like they have to...and the longer you let it go without asking the money back to more and more they see it as a "gift". I gave my dad $1,200 with the intent of getting it back (he's a doctor) and after 2 years of not saying anything I finally started asking for it back. It took another year of finally asking for it back and finally 3 solid months of aggressive asking to FINALLY have him start paying some of it back. I got the last of it back after another round of yelling. Needless to say I will not be loaning him any money ever again.

Sadly, my wife and I are not on the same page with money. I have quit enabling her spending problem. Her disability check(not handicapped) which is $700 is gone within 7 days. We average 3-4 packages a week showing up to the house but her car is always needing gas and she can never help pay for anything. Financial misbehavior comes in all shapes and sizes.

What a stupid decision, steal $1,500 which ended up costing you over 10 or 20 times more that, stupid just stupid!

This was extremely helpful to me, I am going through a similar situation and its extremely difficult to know exactly how to handle it or even how to feel about it... thanks Dave!

We lent our sister in law money, as she couldn’t pay the kids school fees. It was a years worth of fees. We asked her how she would Pay it back - and she agreed to 6 smalller payments each month (paid in 6 months)... then she didn’t pay a cent for 6 months, and saw they went on 3 small getaway breaks, bought tickets to an international show/singer, went out to restaurants. But when we asked what was happening with the agreement and payment - she said she’ll “try” start paying us back. Her problem is that she’s entitled and no one in her life makes her pay them back (mom and dad keep giving her money, she moved back home) - and she’s 44 next month

At least her mother raised a wonderful daughter, so she must have done something right.

My family is far from perfect, but these stories are crazy. I'm glad to have at least a decent family. Thank goodness....

I highly agree with Dave on this. Help her to help herself, if she's willing, but she must perform, not just play victimhood!

My family keeps asking me for money. I’m getting sick of being their bank

Never a good idea to ever give money to someone. If they have rent or car payments due and you want to help, pay the landlord or the finance company directly. My bet is that you will learn their were asking for more than they owe. They wanted you to pay rent plus 300 for their pocket. They will ask why you don’t trust them.

What I would do: I would make mom sell everything possible, including the car. Have her move to the cheapest apartment available on a bus route. IF she is willing to do this, then I would give her a grocery card. NO CASH! This woman has been irresponsible w/ money for at least the last 8 years, and daughter has put up with it. Daughter needs to get tough.

I think that this Woman's Mother is irresponsible and selfish! Keeps making the same bad choices over and over again! Need boundaries here!

Help a friend out before you help any family member cause a family member will burn you deeper longer and harder than any friend will

honestly i really dont understand that mindset.. how can you feel entitled to take a family member's money? even with my parents growing up, i never expected money from them. makes me feel sick

Yeah, I came here looking for advice helping my mom and I realize my situation is pretty tame.

Love your show Dave!!

My girlfriends sister is a crackhead, and has been asking her family for money forever and she is 38 years old..... still asking mom and dad and sisters for money..... she will never stop and we have just cut her off completely.... had to

This was very good advice.

Well in jail she won't need any money. She will have roof and meals.

Love this thanks Dave

Top class answer 👍

My parents is not perfect like they hate saving and never have any expenses bookeeping, but they always keep promises to pay their debt. In Indonesia there are a sentences " when your relatives borrow your money, they won't ever giving your money back" . sadly for 90% people in here this is so true.

Fear is always a great motivator.

Have been in a similar situation.. offered to pay for accom, meals & transport to/from work. That wasn’t good enough, she wanted the cash. I’m sorry, I don’t fund anyone’s bad habits but if they are genuinely stuck then they’d accept genuine help.

My daughter uses my grandkids to make me feel guilty to give her money.

If they don't feel like they should ever have to pay you back, do *not* lend them money. That's how I like to think about it. I'd only ever help someone that acknowledges the money I gave them was never theirs.

My family is looking very good after this call.😂

Poor girl. I feel so bad to hear this.

Mother in law gets money from them. How pathetic. Role reversal. So much for being the example and demonstrating values etc to her son and daughter in law. She will just keep sucking more from them, not appreciate it and feel entitled to it. Wow. Feel for the family.

The first question to ask would be "Where is her money going? What exactly caused her to take money?"

Bad parents probably came from bad parents and it usually takes strength of character to break the cycle and do better for future generations. The mom didn’t have the strength of character to identify unhealthy behaviour and change but the daughter has so she should be sympathetic to her mom as a human but she doesn’t owe her anything cause she didn’t ask to be born.

She can go to welfare and apply for Public Assistance .. she'll get food stamps, insurance, bus tokens ,JOB COUNSELING . Mom needs to at least show the courts she's got a job... BEFORE CONVICTED .

I pray that my relatives to have the same determination as i am to make some good money

I would give her a free ride to a homeless shelter...once u become a criminal your on your own

Dave what are your thoughts of talking to your family members about the dangers of loaning each money long before the opportunity ever arises so that the question doesn't even come up in the first place?

As the world turns wit Mr. Ramsey. 😢😞

Mom need to apply at Wal-Mart or McDonald

Yeah, my mother hasn’t been arrested but, I see bad financial behavior and I’m willing to let ember lose her home, if need be because I think that the way she sees it, I wouldn’t let her lose her home because I was to inherit it. But, the reality is that she’s decided to make me wait, while she lets my sister move into the other home my sister is to inherit, after my sister has mostly been absent for decades. The logistics are that I don’t expect my mother to move to convenience me, but I know what she’s doing... I would have “0” problem telling her to move in with my sister or to get an apartment. She’s been destroying the home from the inside out for years now anyway.

I am going through this with 2 friends and I honestly feel like I can’t breathe. One I haven’t spoken to in 2 years and out of no where she calls to see how I’m doing and a week later I emptied out half of my emergency fund to help her and the 3 kids. The other one I haven’t seen or spoken to in a year and a bit and she always needs $40 for gas and food. They both make more money than I do and I have to figure out how to release them both from my life without being mean. Any suggestions...?🙄

why give a criminal embezzler money? don't enable - only help when she's willing to change.

I have a cousin who asked me for money 3 times already and she has 2 huge houses and just ask me for 300 dollars to fix her car, problem is I already said yes and I don't want to give her that money because she doesn't like to pay back

give what you can, not what they want.

I’m also wondering if there is more to the story... such as a gambling addiction.

$1500 is probably a drop in the bucket! Further investigation would find out that there is more missing funds!

what do you mean she needs money she has $1500. tell her to use that

Good grief...apparently helping her mom didn't help before. It won't now

She made her choice to lead a life of crime - she thought she'd get away with it.

You can’t just throw money at people who will not change. There’s not enough money on the planet to help them and you’re not helping them. You’re participating in their insanity. You’re not helping them get dignity. You’re not helping them have a future. Thanks 🙌

I would never reward bad behavior.

Well, if she gets convicted and goes to prison, she won't have to worry about her rent or bills for that matter lol

Very few ppl can give birth to u. I'm with ramsey, she needs to change. But the daughter sure has had difficult times too. I'd stick with my mother thru thick and thin.♡♡♡♡

Not a good idea to hurt your own finances to aid a thief. . Don't let a known thief move in. . Her mom created her own problems. She'd not going to need to pay rent soon. She'd going to get a stay in the grey bar hotel.

"She is remorseful, but...." When a statement is followed by "but," it kind of negates the statement.

I have a family member who is a chronic alcoholic and now due to his violent domestic marriage. He’s in jail. He and his wife are violent now he’s in jail with a bail of $3000.00 cash in order to get out. He claims that he has $1000.00 cash and $2500 in credit card spending. We live in different states. He has asked me for the money and if he goes to his obligations of courts the money will be returned. The only time I’m contacted is only in crisis. I’m not sure who spoke of me possibly having money but it seems like this is a big “quick fix” bail out if I help him. The bail also goes over some daily spending limits of min. Trying to figure this hour has caused me great anxiety and heart palpitations (literally) He’s not been supportive of me in my great times of need. I would hate fo him to loose his job but I also don’t want to me the “fix it” person as these situations/crisis I was supportive before (excluding bail fees). I really don’t have it to spare but knowing I can get it back is promising. I just don’t real trust his alcoholism will be a factor. He was already out of jail to complete his alcohol testing. I’m so worried cause I don’t want to be selfish but I also do want to be the problem solver when his situations are preventable.

so take care of your parents

How are you Dave?

I HOPE PEOPLE AT LEAST HELP FEED THIER FAMILY WITH THE BASICS

maybe when she's looking for a new job she can use her previous employer as a reference...

Good news is if she goes to jail she doesn't have to worry about food or shelter

My boyfriend's brother in law has been leeching him off every week he asks for 500$ and cause of it my boyfriend stays in alot of stress and the thing is he never pays him back.. he feels entitled to his income. There's a point of helping somebody but this is just too much. And my boyfriend says if i don't pay him i feel like he's gonna treat my sister wrong and it's just too much headache. Idk any solution.

These lazy money monglers makes me sick

She admitted it to the police, so she lost the court case before it began.

2:13 "She admitted it to the police. So hopefully, that will help her somehow." How does handing the prosecutor a slam dunk case help her out? I would think a plea deal is off the table at this point as she's already practically plead guilty... I don't understand why people think that talking to the police is helpful when they are under investigation for a crime. "Anything you say can be used against you in a court of law." Nowhere in your Miranda rights does it say that speaking to the police will HELP you... It doesn't say "anything you say can be used against you... Or maybe help you? You'd better just keep talking and we'll figure that part out later. I'm sure it will work out."

😢

I'm here because I had enough 😢

7:44

They scare you with suicide attempts if you dont give money. What to do? My Anxiety is too high.

So she's not ashamed of embezzling, but she seems to be embarrassed about getting caught.

Drug addiction?

Moms an dad love the I took care of u feed gave you a home

Tell them you are broke too. Boom fixed your problem!

Poor Poor Pitiful me,. Need to stay away from those people

She should keep stealing until she gets thrown in prison. Then she’ll have a place to live.

Gambling addiction? Tough situation when it’s mom.

Jennifer, this was ALL DUE TO YOUR MOTHERS' Decisions. YOU OWE HER NOTHING. Tell her, Oh well.....

Just so you know, her admitting it to the police is not going to help her out.

Mom needs to spend some time in the pokey, IMO.

I would tell your mother to go to the welfare dept. They are obligated to help her find a job.The day she goes they will give her cash aid, medical insur. and food stamps. If she can't get a job when she goes on interviews, she still keeps cash aid, medical, and food stamps until she gets a job. Also tell them that you are only loaning her the money because if you say you gave it to her, they may not give her all the benefits right away.

i paid for my daughters school university and first home on condition she doesnt send me to an old folks home

Go, to, JAIL!!

Don't do it. They for the streets

It will be cheaper to just move her in with you. Rather that then pay all your bills and theirs.

:55 seconds voice clearly changes, lied...totally knew about the crime

Perhaps the local welfare agency will pay her rent and there might be a food bank and there may be jobs available.

Maybe she should have stole enough to get her out of her trouble. Oh well.

Judge people is hard because human kind fails

What's fun is giving family 6000 dollars then they tell other family that your mooching off them.

Write mom off

Bet its not the first time she's stolen.

Let my father in law borrow money I think he figures cause there retired and broke from spending money on dumb stuff and he thinks I make a good salary They don’t have to pay me back. Took advice from Bronx tale They longer borrow me about money .