What Dating Apps and Algorithms Don’t Tell You! | Violet Lim | TEDxNTU 

I like her message Self development over self pity Change what you can

Love her line at the end “True love happens offline”. So true!

She is adorable. But went for the "tall handsome guy" too. In fact - she started the convo with him. And kept talking even tho he didnt remember her lol.

One thing I have realised is people often date for others, like they don't want to know or feel good about their choice, rather they want the onlookers to validate their choice, I am sure this happens in online dating too.

I’m so glad that I’ve never had to resort to online dating. The best way to meet a potential romantic partner is and will always be in person, preferably in a neutral setting which involves a common interest of some kind.

"The Dating App Confessions" is a short book that explains the craziness of modern dating.

So weird that most of the guys say online dating is unsuccessful for them and girls are only after money/look. But when u start a genuine convo with them, they vanish. Done with dating apps forever !!!!

A beautiful way to encourage people to date old school ways in the strength of the human spirit, with dignity and respect. Honestly, truthfulness and courage. God bless is Right. 🙂

I found my now husband on Tinder about 7 years ago. I was very discerning and read every word of every bio before making a decision on each person. I appreciated the opportunities that online dating offered me, as it allowed me to meet people that I would have never bumped into in person. I don't know how much the online dating scene has changed since then, but I'm glad I'm done with the dating.

"Finding the right one is not just about meeting the right one, but also being the right one and choosing the right one" Love this one! I made the right decision to work on myself first and on my skills and I know I will just attract the right guy for me💙 Currently 20 years old and never had a boyfriend yet. PS: I'll update you guys if I found the right one👀😂

Loads and loads of people have realised this and have created significant internet presence by conveying this message in various articulate ways.

Very good speech and points. One thing I will say, however, is that while it’s good to emphasize self improvement, that’s not the end all be all. I say this because that talking point is typically emphasized from the standpoint of believing that one’s own efforts will have control over a desired outcome. This is not so in reality. For example, a woman can like me and do everything in her power to t try to appeal to me. But if I share no mutual interest, there’s nothing she can do to change that. Her “self improvement” would be futile. What’s not often talked about in the scope of dating and mating is that there’s only so much control we can act have. That’s because we do not have control over the next person. People have free will and have their own perceptions of reality. The reason those points are often shushed and omitted is that there’s money to be made off of this. She made that point early on in that this online dating stuff (I’d even say offline too) is essentially a business and the goal is to make the dollar. That said, it’s no surprise that there’s an overemphasis on “self improvement.” Self improvement is being used as a means to get people to feel that they aren’t enough and that they need to improve thus paying these people money for services to improve. The sellers are creating the idea that there’s an issue that needs solving and of course they have the answers lol. Considering that, I think the best thing to do is be the best version of oneself but also to show oneself mercy as well. Just because a rejection comes doesn’t always mean it’s something you did wrong. Maybe the other person just wasn’t interested, maybe they have a mate already, etc. hi knows. All you can do is do the best you can. We have no control over the next person. To highlight these talking points would be to undermine the industry and the cultural and social conditioning. Really think on that. God bless and peace.

She makes great sense. On line dating sucks and it's basically just a meat market. Better to meet organically.

Her optimism is contiguous! Loved the speech! However, there are situations, countries, age groups when meeting offline is practically impoßible and you have to revert to online dating.

True. Thhough I've met women in the past online, real chemistry happens in a tangible setting

Great talk. One of the best Ted talks I've watched. I learnt a very long time ago that looks aren't the most important thing when deciding on who I wanted to date. Although I believe physical attraction is important to a certain extent, it's by far not the most important aspect of a person. I'm lucky that I got married before the age of Tinder because I don't think I could handle the dating scene in today's world as it's just so shallow and superficial. I have friends who would make great partners but still remain single because they are only average or above average in appearance and unfortunately for them being average or even above average in appearance just doesn't cut it on dating apps like Tinder. I can see that this is having a detrimental affect on their mental health and I even lost one friend to suicide after he became so lonely and convinced that he was of no worth to anyone. If I had my way, I'd make online dating apps like Tinder illegal.

Great message. I almost dismissed her at the start. But she’s cool and gets it.

Im in tears…a very short but powerful TED TALK. whatever Kool-aid shes on I want it 😭😭 I’m gonna assume shes a Christian too 🔥

Oh I loved that - she is so genuine, lovely and right! A great talk. Thank you :)

Violet, thank you!!! You're a healer!!! And you are absolutely BEAUTIFUL!!!

Brilliant speech with excellent delivery. Nice and well said advice.

True love happens offline

Great advice. Thank you 💖 Love your story

Encouraging and inspiring. Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable

What a fantastic woman.

Very nice presentation and an optimistic message.

She just described her husband ''the most handsome guy''. she wanted to give us a nice message but I noticed that she was obssessed about the appearance of a guy and she is happy because she has him now. It is human nature to be impressed by beauty of others and there is nothing wrong with dating apps. these apps just should get better in algorithm.

Best advice I've heard for a long time - she's cool.

This was beautifully done

Wow m so touched by her last sentence "True love happens offline "🤍❤💜

Excellent speech and speaker

True loves truly does happen when u least expect it and when u are being ur 100 percent self !

One of the best talks on dating

This may be inappropriate but I once had a cashier at the grocery store talk to me and make small conversation while I was checking out. She was probably 20 years older than me but her personality was so amazing and funny that it made me want to ask her out and take her on a spicy date. She was happily taken though so I didn't say anything. I acknowledge that men are visual creatures, especially me, but I threw away favoring looks that day for some reason and I guess the speaker here captured that reasoning.

Thank you! I needed this!

Excellency at its best god-level speech man I love it so much thank you

this is an eye opener. Thanks for this

I love your love story and your message! ❤️🥰

Exactly right. True love happens off line 😊

The one thing dating apps won't tell you .... they are all scams.

Love this! And she is very right!

LOVE HER! great talk...

The best video i watched in yt😄. Im happy i came across this

Awesome presentation!

Thank you!!!

Thank you. This was my confirmation that I was right to delete all of my dating apps last week.

Love this talk 👌🏾

I loved this!

Fascinating stuff!

Online Dating is what you make of it. It is your chance to get connected to the right person while you are sleeping. Little digital helpers are working for you to leverage offline channels.

Kudos to her message on choosing inner beauty over external beauty, and at the same time, acknowledging but not judging the society's at large tendency to take to physical beauty more seriously. Also didn't miss her point on how if it's the case that if you can't change the look you were born with, then focus on what you can work on - your skills, competencies, and passion, and overcome your insecurities and unhappiness about what others have that you don't, by finding your own domain of happiness by self-fulfillment. However I kinda also didn't miss the point that she came on this platform to promote her business - comparing her business's model to that of dating apps don't cut out the fact that they all are in the similar business of match making, and shouldn't try to make the distinction. Also, not true about what she said about "not having found the right one yet", or having been with the wrong one, for the matter. And I think many who had been single for an extended period would agree.. It was because the timing was just not right and I wasn't in the best state to want to be attached or get hitched. And I didn't think that I was not the "right one" and neither was I trying to be "the one" I thought the "type" I had liked would have liked me to be. We just had many things we wanted to be and do, and didn't think we were missing out on anything by being single and trying to be good at what we want to do.. 我是相信自己和缘分的. Something, or someone who knows you for the gem that you really are, will never make you wait too long. When you are ready for it, you will get many things that come your way. Still a good outreach speech in many ways though - It's always better to trust your instinct and be happy with yourself first, before you are someone's other half - with or without the help of technology

3:00 this will be the apps' destruction. The app has no intention of actually losing you as a revenue stream.

She's right about apps being corporations at the end of the day - they don't really care whether you find the right one.

She is my Hero from now.

Look fellas, you're better off going to a bar than going to a online site

Very good!

Excellent!

Love this Lady 👏❤️

Great talk.

Just avoid the online apps, do the hard work of actively seeking people IRL, and you will generally be happier.

I am single because I met the right one...MYSELF ❤

I'm 36 and still single. he broke up with me after 3 years of long distance relationship. Honestly I used to be positive and approached the guys I liked with good personality. Obviously end up all of them broke up with me.

I agree with her, work on yourself, be your bestself, go the distance, try try try. I would be curious what her husband's story is just to get the male perspective.

Bravo!

I like this woman

This is soo true. Thank you for helping me understand

Wow don't know how I stumbled here but good mgs.

This is a great story and I'm happy for her. But her story is an exception and not the rule. The reality is that physical attraction matters. Now I do like what she said about working on types of self improvement you can control. Social skills, fitness, confidence, hobbies, etc.. That helps you become the best version of yourself. 💯 But having a dating service that doesn't allow you to see a photo of the person prior isn't optimal. Ultimately the goal should be to match you up with a person you could be both physically and mentally attracted to.

Wow, just wow!

So confusing why people feel the need to use the smoke screen of body positivity to judge others for being superficial but at the same time do the same thing. Congrats to her finding love in such an amazing way, but sharing the fact that searching for love using height as a standard for compatability is definitely shallow while at the same time shes making it a point to mention that her husband is tall. It's perpetuating the same skewed perception of the "perfect mate."

It was almost like beauty and the beast,but it was sweet.

Amen to this video

this is amazing lol "if I was a girl & wasn't pretty, I would die" ty :)

How sweet ❤️

Tony Gaskins has been saying this. Glad she did it ❤

iam trying this dating right now, wish me luck 🤞

It would be nice if this kind of stuff actually worked but we know from Love is Blind that two people can have a serious vibe when they talk to each other but then when they finally see each other the entire vibe is thrown out if they aren't attracted to each other.

One of the best Ted talks ever💓😍🔥

I like her attitude! Yes, love "true love happens offline."

The word t thing about all these dating sites data analysis is that it makes it look like being single is the worst thing that could happen to anybody.. and that’s far from being the truth.. being in a relationship or married is just one possible way to go through life and its not necessearly the best..

Too many men, and I was one of them, simply have too low self-worth and too negative an attitude. Change these things and meet other people with a caring and positive attitudde. It works!

Shes one of the best speaker in TED talks! ❤

superficial criteria determines the genetic lottery, got to be responsible for the kid if having any (not to say the other factors don't matter) but looks are definitely important.

Great Video! Keep up the great work!

As someone who's never been considered pretty or besutiful, I can testify to the fact that superficial may not be the best criteria... but the ones who is considered beautiful etc.just have better chances in general. Studies show it and for many of us, we also know this....

"Dating that stays online stays superficial. "

I find her to be pretty

what's her app called?

Dating Apps can dehumanize the process of dating. Although this depends on the app. As some just base it off your picture.

What is the name of her offline dating service I couldn’t understand what she said…..

Video calls is the solution

Im pretty sure most guys are incapable of swiping left. Like can’t even comprehend the concept

DANG YEAH

There are so many times I just wish we didn’t largely do away with debutant balls. I know we see it as outdated but that would be so helpful. Literally the same idea as Hinge (using your existing network to find someone), only it’s in person.

Nice lady but it was still superficial criteria that made her pick her future husband so she is contradicting what she is saying

Does anyone know the name of her app?

lol i take tinder (online dating) seriously. Just to have fun

What is her dating app called?

I was told growing up love is for everyone... But modern culture is now like. 3:24 "If your a "successful" man then...." She can't even just say an average guy 😂 that's not the standard anymore. Also, notice how "Jennifer" isn't expect to hold this attribute. So basically for guys just to summarize. Love for guys is for the wealthy. And in online dating your in a Roman colleseum fighting other men in these online apps for someone sitting back and passively and casually looking at an avalanche of messages of which yours is always a speck. In the same way that when we look at the stars we wonder how small we all are in relation to our place in the universe.

She has looks in her superficial list and yet she proudly announced her husband is handsome.