What Dating Was Like In the Victorian Era 

"My dear, we have been engaged for five years now, so I wonder if we might start holding hands..."

“Neither party should try and make the other jealous” Sound advice that still rings true.

“Maintain a dignified reserve” Don’t get too thirsty.

me at night: hmm, i’m bored youtube: dating in the victorian era?

Back when you went to the Pub and bragged about seeing ankles.

"Hooking up" in the Victorian era meant having tea with your boy/girlfriend whilst sitting on separate sofas in a parlor chaperoned by at least 2 adults . . .

Women were encouraged to refuse gifts. A smart man who knew this would send empty boxes.

Victorian Era: Don’t give false hope or make a declaration in a jesting manner Now: Fake proposal prank/I love you video prank/ Telling my friend I want to date (her/him) prank

“So what happened today?” “I saw a girl’s knees.” “Godspeed Sir!” “Indeed.”

I didn’t expect to be surprised in a positive way... some of these things need to come back

"No kissing, but feel free to exchange hair."😂😂😂😂

Can we, like, bring some of this back? Modern dating sucks.

"If you really wanna get to know them, take a trip with them." That... is actually a very good advice.

I actually find some of these rules to be quite refreshing. The walking closest to the street, helping her in and out of the train, not being too forward, being honest about his intentions. Like.....yes, I'll take this.

Many of these "dating etiquettes" seriously need to be revived.

“No kissing. But feel free to exchange hair!” Thank god I still can exchange hair

I like these etiquette rules. "Dont make a partner jealous, dont flirt around, dont toy with peoples feelings, dont be overly affectionate in public (to the point where u make others uncomfortable)..." Is it just me or does it seem like common sense has left humanity in our day and age? We tend to do the exact opposite as the victorian era encouraged people to do

Also I love how there are ppl who genuinely think abuse was just ok and acceptable back then. One of the rules literally tells women to leave if the man is domineering and quick to anger.

"Not every young woman is eager to fall in love with you" SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE NECKBEARDS IN THE BACK

Someone should start a dating app based on these principles. They’d be a billionaire. Not all people want to live and die in the fast lane.

A lot of this is genuinely sound advice. However, I'm sure most of them weren't really followed in real life.

"You'll _never_ guess what I saw today." "What?" _"Knees._ I saw a woman's _knees."_ _"No."_

There are many times in history I wish I could have visit/live in, but then I remember, no toilet🚫 🚽

My husband was born and raised in West Virginia and until he ended up extremely sick and passing away, he held my hand and also kept me to the inside area of the road....we had 42 years together before he passed away... four kids, 16 grandkids and 6 great grandkids...we dated for four days before we got married he was my soulmate

My father always walked on the “street side” of the sidewalk. He said to never be friends with anyone who doesn’t follow this rule. Also, adults walk on the street side when walking with children.

I suspect that this should really be titled "What Dating Was Like for the Upper Class in the Victorian Era" as the middle and lower classes probably had different behavioral expectations by nature of their standing in society. I'd love to see a video discussing the dating scene for the "normal" folk.

that moment when you realize the Victorian dating scene was probably much more sane than the 21st century dating scene.

In reality, 90% of these still hold true. The other 10% on on a sliding scale of contemporary acceptance. Respect, communication, truthfulness, and honorability are timeless. If you actually practice them, they make all relationships healthier. It is odder that this is brought up as being "weird".

The old definition of 'making love' actually makes more sense.

not gonna lie, most of these makes sense more than the dating behaviors nowadays.

2020: *me trying to find a date in 2020* Covid 19 appears Me: *maintaining a dignified reserve 😳*

ladies literally all we need to do is keep emphasising that this behavior is really attractive. that will bring this back. we need this on a big scale, why tf are we just putting up with careless men who gave up on manners? now I understand this youtuber’s opinions on “traditional feminism”, why should we devalue ourselves and just put up with shitty treatment? we should always go for high quality men like this. I KNOW judging from how everyone is so positive about this, that you want this quality in men.

Let's be real here - a significant portion of these rules need to come back.

I'm a history nerd and I fell in love with a guy who dresses like an Edwardian dandy. I probably should send this video to him. An update, it's been two years: I moved into a different city for university. I am an aspiring poet and he is as well. We're sending sonnets to each other now. :)

Please do more of these dating videos for the other time periods as well. This one was very interesting and I'd love to see more like it!

My Great Grandma was 16 when she met my Great Grandpa and he was 26 🤢, he gave her a bracelet while pursing her and her father said “you shouldn’t accept gifts from men like that they’ll expect something in return”, she responded with “he knows I don’t have a job, what could I give him?” Her dad wasn’t happy with her response. 😂

My boyfriend always makes sure I walk on the inner side of the sidewalk. At first I thought it was odd but it showed me how much of a gentleman he is.

Many things in Jane Austen books make more sense now. This should have been subtitled "why Fanny Price got mad about the necklace and why Mr. Collins was really a jackass"

I was expecting these to all be horrifically sexist but was pleasantly surprised lol. Some of the advice was very reasonable.

Aww I married a perfect gentleman - and thank goodness for that, there is no one else I could have survived the lockdown with.

Watching this I realize my husband is a gentleman; he always makes sure I'm on the inside of the sidewalk when we're out on walks, he's very discreet so he doesn't kiss me when we're around a lot of people in public, he's never given me cause to be jealous (and vise versa because I very much appreciate and love him), and even when he was in high school- he didn't flirt with every girl he met. He's seen as old fashioned by all his friends and family, but it's why I love him. Dating doesn't have to be full of spiteful mind games and it's a great relief when it isn't! And the whole thing about overly flirting and how it lessens people- I've always agreed with that.

5:34 "A lifted hat. [purrrr]" I f*ing lost it. XD

I can just imagine myself cutting off a single curl, handing it to my crush and smile coyly as I board my carriage

do i live in the victorian era? no do i have hours of overdue homework? yes do i need to know about dating in the past? no way do i have literally any reason to watch this video? no am i going to watch the entire thing? definitely

My dad always asked me to walk on the inside of the pavement when with him, for the exact reasons stated. He realised it was a hangover from the olden days but I could still get splashed from a puddle from a car. What a gentleman!

“No party should make the other jealous” Valid advice, envy is a stupid waste of time for everybody involved and it only works in movies really, but that’s a movie, not your real life

I rather be courted not dated, wish our era could learn something from this.

Victorian era: *made various guides on how to properly ask out, date, and treat someone in relationships* Modern era: Fuck chivalry, etiquette, and guides for long-lasting relationships, I just do whatever the hell I want as long as my genitals get satisfied. (Honestly, sometimes I do feel like we are just evolving backwards lol)

In a few years there will be a video titled, “How Americans dated during the Covid Era”.

THE LOYALTY AND RESPECT TO EACH OTHER, BACK THEN... 😭😭😭😭

The advice about asking a man's permission before hitting on his wife reminded me of the old joke: "My wife ran off with my best friend. I sure miss him."

I absolutely love the...let your intentions be known immediately and don't give false hope. Dating would be so much easier😆

Giving locks of hair was a way of keeping a peice someone you love with you at all times. It is kind of romantic. Usually kept in a locket worn around the neck to keep them close your heart.

I was actually raised told that I couldn't date but could instead court. I actually don't regret being raised this way. Dating is more akin to just fooling around while courtship is more serious- you let the other person know from the getgo that you are looking for a spouse or a soulmate- not just a boyfriend/girlfriend- so you know pretty early on whether they are serious about the relationship or not.

When walking with my wife I always walk between her and the road. My grandmother told me that's how a man is to walk when with a woman.

“To accept a gift would encourage ANOTHER.” I’m not seeing the drawback! 🤷🏻‍♀️

“Mary! I swear!.. One of those creeps.. saw.. my.. ANKLES TODAY!”

Whats lacking in 2020 is dignity. I'm going to start applying Victorian principles in my life.

People in victorian era - we have more dating rules than anyone. Indians - hold my buttermilk

Tbh, I like their rules. I think there'd be more successful marriage if many of these rules are still being practiced now. Also, I can imagine how polite people are in that era. We need more of that today.

So dating has always been complicated, no surprise.

My father (born 1938 and now in his mid-80's) still walks on the curbside of the street, opens doors for women, helped my mother in and out of the car and takes her elbow when going up and down curbs or short steps. He instilled this in my brothers who, in turn, taught their sons. I think that it's not just a manners thing, but also shows kindness and consideration.

I was expecting some misogynist shit show. However Im pleasantly surprised and think some of these rules should be still observed today.

I want there to be an ITV dating show where singles have to go live in a country cottage and abide by these rules lmao

I wish dating was still like this. Today just saying “hello” means sex is expected. 🙄🙄

The key thing here is that we think of "dating", which is a concept mainly invented after the common use of the automobile. This book is about "courtship", the lead-up to marriage.

Honestly, I am generally sad some of these are mostly ignored nowadays, what happened to give all your love to one person and one person only, what happened to opening and closing a car door or how about pulling a chair out for someone Edit: wow, I’m 18 and sound so old

I was taught by my parents to give the inner side of the pavement to a more vulnerable person, like an elderly or a child (even if only passing by). I think that is a sensible idea and to this day when I see a parent with a child, I move towards the curb (unless it causes a manoeuvre hassle, of course) to minimize the risk of an accident.

Just broke up after 8 years. The game has completely changed in that time period. The grind is real.

M'lady. "tips fedora"

"maintain a dignified reserve" - should be used nowadays for every human being in our society, regardless of gender...

Years ago, in the 60s, Art Linkletter asked a young boy why a man always walks closest to the curb when walking with a lady. The little boy said, "so the man gets hit by the car first."

Role #1: no simping keep yourself together mate, c’mon.

My dad still walks closer to the street whenever he’s walking with me or my mom. It’s such a sweet gesture, showing that he’s always protecting 💗

Would you ever consider reading your titled segment transition screens for blind viewers? Also, for normal viewers that like to listen to Weird History while multi-tasking.

One of my previous boyfriends always used to gently maneuver me to the inside of the sidewalk and take the street-side sidewalk half. It always struck me as remarkably gentlemanly. Which makes sense because, while he was not the one for me, he was (and presumably still is) a remarkable man.

The part about traveling together to finds out what someone is really like is so true, even today. Spend a few days together in someplace unfamiliar, and you will know exactly what your significant other is actually like!

*"Maintain a Dignified Reserve"* is old school social distancing.

The carrying of the bags by the man is surprisingly still in use to this day, practiced begrudgingly but still a form of endearment

"No kissing just exchange hair" wow lol

My mother and father taught me a lot of these values. #1 being to not accept gifts from men I have no intention with. And boy I learned the hard way how true that was.

Of course, people were people, and weren't always behaving themselves. I've done some research for 1890--1910 . I found some articles admonishing young ladies to not have pictures of themselves taken in various stages of undress to send to their boyfriends, as the photographers always make copies of the pictures to sell in the saloons. I would say that would be the Victorian version of sexting. Naturally, there was a significant amount of illegitimacy as well. The papers of that era have numerous articles of Miss so and so charging Mr so and so with seduction and bastardy. At that time with no DNA testing or even blood typing, a man so charged would have to prove that he 1) didn't even know the woman 2) was nowhere near her at the time conception would have taken place 3) that he had been in the hospital or under doctor's care at the time. The main tactic was to smear the woman's reputation by getting several other men to come forward to say that they had had sex with her and that she was a loose woman. If the court found the man guilty he was usually ordered to pay $2 a month until the child reached age 18. If the child had already died, he was usually ordered to pay $100 to the woman for having put her through pregnancy, birth and death of the chold.

I wish we had these kind of dating etiquette books for today’s generation 😏

Imagine living in an era where romance is alive. Now romance is a fucking instagram post (if even).

Pretty much all the advice here is good and should still be followed today.

Men back then were actually way more thoughtful and considerate. *We need to bring back dignity!*

And this was supposed to be the more civilized times that is until you start reading about all the debauchery and criminality they went on during the Victorian time period. Definitely pretty on the outside but rotten on the inside.

"Not every young woman is eager to fall in love with you." can apply to the women as well. No, I'm not hitting on you when I ask you "Are you okey?" I'm asking you because you just fell down from the second floor.

People these days are wild. I think these Victorian era etiquettes should come back to modern life. Nowadays it feels like manners only matter to women, men really don't care about women's feelings or follow basic manners. There is no proper flirting dating or anything, even a short single conversation with a straight male friend indicates signals for sex, even friends/colleagues ask for benefits lol. I sometimes wish I could go back to the times when you had to marry to have sex, ride a horse for miles just to have tea with the woman you love. Since it became way too easy to reach someone's bed, no one wants to marry until their thirties or at all. Today dating is a headache for religious or simply conservative women/men like me who want serious relationship which leads to marriage.

**corpse bride fans have entered the chat**

I laughed at the one about the man being shot or disgraced if he ever made his intentions unclear and I thought about my exes and those who seemed to like me

Literally half of this is what dating truly is supposed to be like

Too surreal as I'm listening to this and literally swiping right on a dating app. I don't call that irony.

I think men would do well to read some old school books and have some class. Tbh Edit: in this day in age, women too. I went to a finishing school when I was 13. People see John robert powers and others (I lost alot of money at IMTA myself) but it teaches etiquette, runway and stuff and how to dress and do makeup correctly, I loved it and it did me alot of good. I was in an opera in philadelphia and ended up having a photo of me in the paper (I played a model in the opera, it was a new take on romeo and juliet and they were rival fashion houses) and it did me alot of good. My whole thing was that I thought they were an AGENCY and I was wrong, but it is what it is. I learned a lot and it was a good experience. I ended up winning a pageant called miss maai and it helped my confidence so much

Ok.. This made clear that my mom taught us how to be a victorian lady 😂. Never accept a gift from guy, Never call on a guy . The guy should carry a womans bag etc. No kissing also. I've been hearing All those things from her when I'm growing up

I really liked the no acceptance of presents as to not give bad ideas. Such a huge problem to do is men feeling “friend zoned” aka entitled to a woman’s body just because someone did a few niceties or offered kind friendship. I’ve even had a boyfriend in high school, that wanted or felt entitled to my virginity because he bought me lunch every Monday. I broke up with him. I do not accept things from people to this day for fear of having anything misconstrued. A gift means you expect nothing in return you do it because you want to. My body is not worth Japanese food no matter how good.

A lot of this advice really aged well. Naturally, others didn't, but generally, it's way more precise and useful than just saying, be nice, courteous, and honest.

0:49 just so y'all know, this advice still stands Edit : ESPECIALLY the simps in among us

lmao if only this weird victorian dating history ive just learned can help me with my non existent love life

Wheres the part where he saves you a seat for a public execution? Thats the most romantic part