What happens when the Narcissist Loses control over you? 

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When I called my sister out on her bahavior, she told me never to call her again. It's been a happy and peaceful year!!

In my experience, when a control freak runs out of control. He/she will try and control how everyone else thinks about you!

The best thing you can do with a narcissist is get away from them completely.

The immense feeling of relief when you cut ties should tell you that you have done the right thing.

When a narcissist can't control you, they control the way others see you.

Life lesson: do NOT give these sick people any information of which they will attempt to use against you. Just don’t tell them anything about you. This has helped me tremendously.

"Charming in Public, Abusive and Mean in Private"

The closest I ever got to an apology was "If I did that, then I'm sorry". Qualifying it with the "if" means they don't accept responsibility for their actions.

I have found with a narcissist that the “apology” tends to be vague and they never really admit to anything specific. Meanwhile when they are complaining about your behaviours, you will get a very detailed list.

I love that quote - “they wet the bed and blame the blanket” - Perfect description!

Emotional cruelty takes on a whole other meaning and they care about no one. Profoundly disturbed individuals

This guy knows what he is talking about. These kinds of people would rather see you die than to let you escape their grasp. I know personally.

I have yet to hear a narcissist apologize. They must believe they are never wrong.

“They wet the bed and blame the blanket” This expression really got me rolling on the floor.

Wow, this describes my ex 100%, started off being the perfect gentleman.... flowers, romantic gestures, etc.etc. then bit by bit, chipped away at every last bit of me... 25+ years always thinking try a little harder, perfect home, garden , cook... didn't like my friends, eventually one day I realised that if I was on my own, I could work a lot less & have peace... 21 years have passed & I've NEVER regretted 1 nano second

God bless everybody everywhere, who is struggling you are important. God loves you cry out to him, give all your prayers and concerns to Christ. You deserve the best in life.

"They wet the bed, and blame the blanket." Perfectly said!

I think when a narcissist says, "I love you" or "I will always love you, " they really mean something like, "I own you" or "I will always target and seek to control and manipulate you."

This is so my mother-in-law. She is such a toxic person and after 38 years, I have decided to go no contact with her. Talking to her about her behavior and inappropriate things she's said did not do any good so I sent her an email. She printed the email and confronted me with it. She was angry and defensive and claimed it was all lies. When we started going through the things I talked about in the email, she would swear up and down something never happened OR she would remember it differently where I was the one to blame and she was the victim. I videotaped our meeting and it's quite amusing to see her in her narcissistic rage. She threw temper tantrums. She held her breath, gritted her teeth, stomped her feet, lied, played the victim, called me names, screamed, yelled, and even growled at me. She's a horrible hypocrite. She meddles in everyone's business. She treats her son (my husband) like he's her husband instead of her son. She tells you what you are supposed to do and how you are supposed to feel. I am a quiet, shy person and she's a loud mouth. I was expected to change to meet her standards. She is a master manipulator. And this woman is 80 years old!

Lesson: Leave the relationship once you figure out what's going on and how they are. Be happy, don't tolerate their manipulation. Just observe them, laugh as much as you can, sing, dance, do whatever you like. Seeing you happy is a pain for them; watch how they burn inside.

“There is simply no winning with a narcissist. They will treat you so horribly, that you will become withdrawn and depressed, and then, they will turn around, and say, ‘You’re no fun anymore, you’re always so depressed. I need to be with someone more positive.’” - Susan Williams

1. Give up on any relationship with them 2. Grieve for the loss of what wasn't and what will never be 3. Make a get out plan and stick to it, and don't share it with anyone 4. Get help so you don't carry the burden of their abuse for the rest of your life 5. Smile and tell them however you tell them "we're done" when you finally give yourself permission to go no contact

I’ve distanced myself from a lifelong “friend” once I finally realized she was always the victim in her story.

Since mother has smeared me to my neighbours and our distance relatives overseas. Now I’m having to move on from our family doctor because she’s slandered me to him. He’s bought her story even though I told him what she was like. He’s even got my psychologist’s report recommending I have no contact with her and my CPTSD diagnosis from her abuse. My mother’s an absolute expert at playing the victim when in private she’s an abusive monster… I’ve cut off all the flying monkeys connected to her, the Dr was the only one left, and now he’s changed with me. She’s like sludge that overcomes everyone she comes into contact with.

Best advice I got from a therapist. "Well, you can't win with a narcissist." Suddenly a weight was remove from my shoulders.

In an age of narcissism a typical response is "I'm sorry you feel that way". They never take responsibility for what they've said or done.

I met a lot of narcissists in my life and often like to lie about me to others. Their attitude may catch up with them one day

They tell lies on you and threaten you. Try to turn others against you

“A narcissist paints a picture of themselves as being the victim or innocent in all aspects. They will be offended by the truth. But what is done in the dark will come to light. Time has a way of showing people’s true colors.” - Karla Grimes

When you finally tell a narcissist to stay out of your life forever, they tell everyone you're a backstabber.

My sister in law is like this totally. I hardly speak to my brother unless she’s not at home. She takes no responsibility for the damage she’s caused to anyone.

Narcissist people never ever stop abusing you. After 55 years it's still the same. But I've changed. I have let go of this person. I don't hate her. But Iam now free. It's wonderful.

They devalue you, insult you, put you down, and push you away.

Had a narcissist mother. She brought me to several child psychologists because she thought I was a psychopath, because I couldn't be controlled by her. I know this garbage all too well

My husband screamed in my face " I don't want to live with you any more" what a relief that was for me. Putting up with his narcissistic ways drove me crazy always thinking I did something wrong. His punishment was to give me the silent treatment for weeks on end. Then tell his friends what I constantly did wrong ..... he's been gone now for 3 months and I don't miss being married to that man.... he will never contact me because I found him out for what he is. I'm now 71 and should have freed myself years ago. A big thank you for your advice 😊

They neever say sorry. They turn the tides blame others for all the problems in the relationship.

*That didn't happen...And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was bad, it's no big deal. And if it is a big deal, it's not my fault. And if it was my fault, I didn't mean it. And if I did mean it, you deserved it.* I saw this description years ago and it seems to fit!!

"if they don't admit their own errors...to themselves, they definitely are not going to admit their toxic behavior to you or anyone else."

After going no contact with my narc mother several months ago following a telephone conversation where she projected all her character flaws on to me along with false accusations of elder abuse she is no doubt still waiting for an apology that is never going to come.

Common practice is to convince you that ‘everyone’ agrees with them - about whatever they are accusing you of.

Normal people are transparent, loving, flexible, unassuming, and forgiving, unlike narcissists, who are none of these.

She- “Youll never find anyone that cares like me.” Me- “God I hope youre right!” Celebrating 34 years of bliss this October with a woman that is nothing like the last one.

You just described everything my mother put me through when I started challenging her behaviour years ago. Thank you for sharing this.

He has already wiped out my reputation so that is a kind of freedom. He starts the fire and wants wants an award for putting it out.

“They may apologize but they are not sorry for what they have done. They are sorry that they are suffering repercussions. They are sorry that you can now see them for what they really are.” Boy, did you nail that! They are sorry that they can no longer control you. The jig is up!

What worked for me, was " Love them as best as you can, and leave them where they are"

When people start with “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry but…” I shut it down and tell them “NOPE. That is not an apology. Try again.” And we continue in that manner until they get it right. That’s the only way to make it clear to them that THEY are the cause.

I went no contact with my narcissistic mother. She still claims she doesn't know what she did wrong. She also said she could always jump in front of a train if things would not go "back to normal"

What is really hard is when you grow up in a narcissistic family and believe this behavior is normal, that is until you break away and get out into the real world. It never gets easy, the triangulation, scape goating, the lying. My only saving grace was thousands of miles.

My mom’s favorite response to my problems is “try being me”, as if no matter how bad I feel, her problems are always worse.

When I started to put boundaries in place with my mum her behaviour escalated. It actually became so over the top it was hilarious. If ever I thought I was being harsh it stopped right then.

Oh boy! This sounds so very familiar. You could be saying my story. I was married 25 yrs to a Bipolar Malignant Narc and did not know it. The damage he did to my relations with my parents, siblings, other family members, and even our kids. I was manipulated like a pawn in a chess game. I grieved for all those losses, and I am presently grieving too, for the alienation of my son who has turned into a Vulnerable Narcissist and is very passive-aggressive as well. I've lost my beloved son and baby (youngest of two) and it is devastating and I'm at a low point. I had to let it go. Everything. My parents, my siblings, and family members, who all believed him and not me. I had to let go of both my adult kids who are now emotionally abusive and showing strong Narc traits. My ex had a lot of emotional incest with the kids. Emotional incest is when a parent is not an authority figure for their children with healthy boundaries, but confides in them like an equal when they are still children. I saw this happen so many times. He refused to discipline them for bad behavior and would buddy up with them against me. He confided things to them that should not be shared with a child. He ruined our beautiful kids. So sad. My son moved to east coast. He came several times to west coast and on one visit, verbally screamed at me publicly for 10 mins out of a 15 min lunch, because I spoke to another customer at the same bistro and petted her dog, while he stepped away from the table. He also wanted me to drive 120 miles that afternoon on Halloween, to help him clean my Ex's house. He was furious when I declined. I offered to come on another day, just to see his reaction, and predictably, he was still furious. I had to drop everything and drive 120 miles round trip to clean the house of my bipolar ex, who was very abusive to me. I am in my late 60's and it would be very dark driving back late on an unfamiliar road with cops and kids everywhere on Halloween. Just examine the entitlement in his reaction. I failed as a parent if this is the product I created, yikes! He is the twin mold of his father now, except he is not bipolar and has has a great career, thanks to me. He came again to west coast months later, drove by my house multiple times on work but never visited. He is coming again in a week, and again wants me to apologize for something that supposedly happened 23 yrs ago, but is a fabrication. He was 13 at the time. He is now 36 yrs old. Nothing happened, it is a lie. Maybe my Ex is putting false memories in his head, I don't know. I worked very hard to send both my kids to Ivy League colleges, trips abroad, and gave them a good start in life. Now this. I lost my daughter to cancer a few years ago, and now my son is gone too, I cannot have a relationship with him, as it drains me and makes me so small and sad. I feel so abandoned by him. He was my baby, and I loved my kids so much, my daughter too. I feel so shattered that I lost them both. I know he will never change. Anyway, my focus now is on myself. I have written him off. If he wants to see me, fine. If not, fine too. I am not going to be triggered any more, and going grey rock. I could forgive a lot when I felt that there was genuine love under that layer of hurt. But I see now there is no love. There never was any love. There was no abuse from me. This is all a lie and manipulation. This was earth shaking for me to finally realize that THERE IS NO LOVE IN HIS HEART. It is all about what he wants from me and how he can use me for the next task. I am useful to him, that is all. I did my best as a parent. But he failed me as a son. Now it is time to step away and heal myself. Thank you for the video. Very much appreciated and healing for me. ♥

“How dare you have boundaries with me!”, screamed my mother many years ago.

I had the misfortune to have a narcissistic father, then husband and finally a partner who kept it covered for about 8-10 years - then all the things you talked about started happening. When I left (after 17 years)there were tears and sorry's galore but no real remorse. He then stalked me for several months - but I escaped and am healing from it all. Starting a new life at 70 is interesting but exciting too - bring it on!

So true. Seven years ago I went through divorce from a narcissistic cocaine and sex addict and the revenge was brutal. With full cooperation of his lawyers he did everything one can think of to drive me crazy and to leave me without a penny. He almost succeeded. I am not totally recovered from the trauma and the theft yet.

This just explains everything, I am not the bad person I am being constantly told I am. Hard tho when you do love this person and genuinely care about what they need and want.

This is my mother. One day I had enough. It’s really hard to try and explain to people why you don’t communicate with your family, but they’re still all under her spell.

Oh yes! My mother, a covert narcissist, would tell people, "I am really concerned about her ...."whatever she made up. Made me look bad. And it worked! Her friends thought I was a horrible person. Very validating video. Thank you.

You did a great job on the video man! Moral of the story...the second you realize your involved with a narcissist...record your exit! For legal protection!

In my last quarter of life I have learnt to cut out people I don’t like, who have chips on the shoulders, who are too demanding, who are negative, who expect too much of me, who are too judgemental, who only think of themselves, need I go on? I am now at peace, am content, and have friends who I like and can trust.

I'm a victim of narcissistic mother. I went no contact 10 years ago. It was the best decision I've ever made.

If anyone has to deal with a narcissist, whether it’s the parent of your children, a boss, or someone you have to live with, please create boundaries. Keep conversations short and brief. Do not elaborate. Keep conversations in writing too, which helps when they gaslight you 🤷‍♀️ There’s nothing wrong with you! Your biggest and best weapon is to educate yourself on how to deal with a narcissist.

They are another breed. The exact same behavior. Both when they try to bait you, and when they are aware you're on to them. I'm a pro recognzing their behavior and scaing them away. I've met more narcissistic people than not. Something in the water?

Thank you for the calm and clear way you deliver information that is difficult to hear as a person who has just gone "no-contact" with a parent. Wasted many years suck in the narc bubble and was always pulled back into the chaos because of the "guilt" trips.

I was raised in a narcissistic family thankfully I've found them all out. Now none of them talk to me anymore, much happier now

A story - A person began to realise they were being abused by a narcissist and started trying to create distance and boundaries. The abuser contacted the victims close friends and family saying they were worried about the victim and created a rumour that the victim was addicted to opioids and wasn't well. Thank you for this video, creating clarity and educating.

My entire family, except for my little brother, is narc. I'm lucky to even have my brother because the narc's almost got him to believe their lies. Thankfully he and I went to a music festival together for a couple years. A few recreationals, and some heavy discussions allowed my brother to see from my angle. To understand who I am, and how the stories and fables are so far from the truth. My little brother stopped contact when my grandmother bit him during a fist fight when he was 16. She owed his other grandparents like $1000 for months. When my brother confronted her, and she said she wasn't going to pay, he said he was going to his other grandparents house. My grandmother tried stopping him. Got physical, and bit him. When I tried moving out at 19, I had to call the cops to escort me off the property, and to ensure my belongings weren't touched. Damn... this brings up some tough memories. More to come....

They may even admit something they did wrong but only with the purpose to get you back

For survivors who go no-contact...They 'ghost' for 30-90 days, until they come to terms with the fact you aren't going to return, then they reach out to those you love in order to 1. make you return or 2. enroll the people you love (and still have contact with) into the role they feel you "abandoned"...so, warn your loved ones of what to expect and look out for; but, FOR GOD"S SAKE DON"T RETURN UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!!

Their apology is nothing more than a narcissist trying to shut you up when they've been caught doing something they knew was wrong

After a marriage of 33 years, I realised nothing would change, so I left. All those behaviours mentioned, the begging, crying, happened and promises of change etc with not one apology for anything! plus running me down to everyone, but I held fast. I felt very isolated, having to leave my life and friends and move to the city, but knew distance was needed. In time I realised how much happier my life was and around 12 years ago, so 8 years after I left the marriage, he tried to do one last traumatic thing to me. But I stood up for myself, followed my heart, didn’t cave in and I’ve not had any issues since, so a peaceful happy life is mine now. Oh and he has shown his true colours to his extended family and said and done some appalling things to them too. I sometimes feel sorry for him as his behaviour has isolated him so much! But it feeds his victim mentality. I clearly remember the feeling of a physical weight being lifted off me in the decision to leave.

Yep... I had no idea what was happening but now I know and frankly feel sad for them. Makes me wonder what kind of trauma they endured to turn out that way. It was when I finally stood up for myself and said I wasn't going to apologize again for something I didn't do, that the very fear that had kept me in "keep the peace" mode, happened-I was told I had to leave (among other degrading things) and even though they knew I was A LONG way from everyone and everything I knew and didn't have the resources to go back to my home state they didn't care. "It's not my problem" they said. The last words I heard were "I'm done with you" as they dropped me off at an old mold infested hotel room. One last kick to my heart and stomach to let me know I was nothing. I'm still recovering but I am thankful. Thankful to be alive, to have my physical needs met, to be in a modest apartment now instead of that motel room(it was demolished) and to be away from the day to day dread of wondering when the next bomb would fall.

(8:15) "How dare you see through them. How dare you no longer want to put up with their nonsense." No truer words have been said...mic drop right there. 👏

I actually heard mother tell someone that her goal was to break me, as though I was a was animal. I left home at 17. It took a long time for me to see the reality of the situation.

🖤 narcissists are just a shell, a house of cards.

Narcissists don’t have standards and they don’t expect you to either

My covert narcissist destroyed my soul. The gaslighting made me doubt my own sanity. The silent treatment was like being slowly cut open whilst being unable to run. The trauma bond I was left with took me nearly two years to get over and was like being addicted to a class A drug. My life was a living hell. I can’t even put it into words. I didn’t know pain like that existed. I kicked them out of my home and cut all contact, it was that or death. After a lot of support from family, friends and professionals I’m now happy again and learning to live with my pain. It’s a journey but please make that first step. I realised that I’m the one with the career, I’m the one that’s kind and has friends. They don’t have anything, you’re a vessel. They don’t love, only destroy. Anyone going through that right now my thoughts are with you sending love ❤️

Alice,👍👍👍👍👍 I am 85 ,my husband of 60 years was a narcissistic egotistical man with Abandonment syndrome! He passed away in 2017 ! That’s when I felt I was o longer a prisoner! Now my days are joy and sunshine ! Good Luck 🍀 and HAPPINESS ALL THE DAYS OF YOU LIFE !🌞🌈🌹🌺🌸🌼🌻🎄

My parents were very controlling of me..I was my mom's scapegoat and my dad felt I needed to be their maid and their chef. I moved out of state and came back after 6 years. When I came back, they were so hateful, angry and hostile to me, they even treated my son poorly . ironically, I married a narcissist. Of course I.didn't know at the time. When I told him.that he had.to.go he threatened to kill me and said that he wanted to.slap the 💩 out of me..He did say that he does not know what he did to me and he did go around telling people that I was the one that was abusive. I am glad he is gone. My son wants nothing to do with him . he's gone and I am refreshed. My son and I.are attending counseling and are healing nicely❤.Bless those.that have experienced such things

Just subscribed. Literally everything you said hit the nail on the head. Both my parents are extremely narcissistic. Channels like this help me a lot. I appreciate you❤

The absolute worst in a relationship… be very careful to anyone watching this that hasn’t been there. I was a victim of this. Had no idea what the hell was happening. I’m an intelligent woman. Being involved with an abusive narcissist is not easy to see at first. Everything you said is spot on. Worst time of my life.

I had to end contact with my sister. After being blamed for everything bad that happened to our family for years I just couldn’t deal with her anymore. It’s been the most peaceful successful and stress free 10 years of my life.

I live with a person like this. So I run away and discover many wonderful places and things to do and life is good from running away from this person!

I married a man that was 12 years older than me. I started noticing how he was very over protective. It was fine at first but I began to notice how it was getting extreme. If I did anything with anyone else besides him he was jealous so I had to keep reassuring him that he was first. Then he didn't want to be around my family. If he said he didn't want me to go, I wouldn't,. Than it was faking sick. He would go as far as not taking his insulin just to see me jump into action. If I lay it out for him he would purposely not take it when we would go to church. So I had to start beating him at his own game buy having his insulin in a thermal bag that looked like a purse. When it stopped working on me and I started calling him on his stunts he started thinking he could scare me because he had isolated me from my family. One thing he didn't count on was that I stopped being intimated. He would try everything, but he didn't remember that I had kids. I had plenty of practice so I could see the signs

My sister was the perfect compliant robot for our narcissist mother. However I was not compliant and my mother would fly into physically abusive rages when I crossed her. Her verbal demeaning of me was incredible. I ended up moving 3K miles away and my life vastly improved.

The only apology I ever got from my narcissist in response to a wrong doing he tried to avoid taking responsibility for was: "I'm sorry YOU feel that way"

Not as easy to give up on a relationship with a narcissist elderly parent.

That statement was made exactly. I don't think I deserve this. Then followed by I will still be here for you.

From my experience a narcissist will ostracize anyone they cannot control. Then act out in wrath. They only "apologize" by saying, "I am sorry you feel that way." Putting the guilt on you for your feelings about being abused.

I was told I was nothing more the the kitchen table and that I needed to check in to a mental hospital because I was going mad. It took 32 years to leave but I’ve now had 17 wonderful years on my own and plenty more happy years to come!

You will never get clarity from a narcissist because that requires accountability.

I have watched this video for a second time, and it was more enlightening the second time than the first. How I know is because it brought great clarity regarding the conduct of some and even greater regarding others. As always, thank you.

I dated a women for 2.5 years in which she treated me like a dog and when I removed her from my life she went around telling the most disguting lies about me. The way I see it is that I feel sorry for the people believing her lies because I was once in that place and now I am free of it.

Character assassination is one of the most difficult things to deal with. You will find those around you looking at you sideways and acting "off" around you. It's confusing.

I found your descriptions of narcissistic behavior extremely helpful both in their clarity and practicality. In short, your insights of what depths a narcissist will stoop to in an attempt to either reengage or decimate their no longer captive audience is in my experience , completely true. Thank you!

From personal experience: the first thing you see is rage, quickly followed by violence and attempts to "even the score" for not getting their way.

My mom is a narcissist and everyone has discovered who she really is and has left her. She acts like the victim and says it's everyone else's fault and sense she feels like she's so perfect and spiritual, she says that we cannot stand the spirit of God within her. As a Christian this is so triggering to hear from her because it's almost like shes making herself God. I've chosen little to zero contact because she knows how to trigger my anger and I don't want to fall into having anger issues anymore, I want my heart to heal and live a life glorifying God.

When’s the last time a narcissist came up to you asked “how are you doing”? Let that sink in. . .

When I asked my narcissit brother for the money he owes me, the threats that came my way were unbelievable.