When narcissists know YOU know... 

Utter craziness but so true.

It's like: chill, let's just pretend things are like this. I'll pretend my lies are reality and you just do the same. Do not insist.

There are known knowns. There are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns. That is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unkown unknowns. The ones we don't know, we don't know. - Donald Rumsfield

Like permanent 5 year olds.

@@KO-lq1yo looking forward to it.

True....unfortunately they turn into stalkers. Be careful my friends.

It’s the best option.

@kiran menon it's TRAUMA bonding and cognitive dissonance...it does get better but you have to know what your up against...my soon to be ex swears I'm the narcasist..yet I didn't abuse, cheat, lie or neglect him. Progress not perfection...I'm working on new beginnings and being a better person...he never will!

@kiran menon i understand...its the trauma bonding and cognitive dissidence that leaves us connected...its a recovering process that worse than any drug....they nave memories but when you look back all they remember is what mattered to them...mine can't remember or see anything good about me although I supported him financially, emotionally and physically.....just the fact you are researching all of this means you are healing...I bounce from different levels of recovery from day to day...some days anger, some days forgiveness, but the key is to keep moving forward...everything happens is from god or is meant to happen....I choice to let all the abuse not bring me down but to encourage me to be a better person...progress not perfection...hang in there....it was from god that I was financially able to get out.....god was doing for me what I couldn't do for myself....hang in there my friend

@kiran menon sorry I was responding to another post....im not a professional only a survivor of two narcissistic marriages...your counselor probably has better answers than I do, but sexual abuse is a common trait that they use against us to keep us connected...mine was/is addicted to sex,porn, sexting and cheating....its something that he has to work on....marraiges are far more than sex, yes it important and if your needs are not getting met mutually then only you can move on, you are not responsible for her reactions to you....

They'll also say "You haven't changed" if you tell them "I was stupid for thinking you'd changed" because there's no logic for what's used to hurt the victim, just whatever sounds snappy and painful.

@dGuy "I'm not changing for you" or "If you knew me, you would notice"

“When you were normal” I was told this by a narcissistic sibling after a loved one found a childhood photo of me she called me and said this when you were normal I miss when you were normal.” Me being normal was being open to any treatment.

I've heard the "why are you like this" when I didn't answer a baited question before

Hear this all the time ftom my mother..and a lot worse

Same😢

No they run because they know they're caught and they can't compell bad behavior from you that makes you look bad and them look like a victim

He now hides his face most of the time when I come in contact with him. Sad beings they are.

Yes! I looked at my bf's phone and found out he went to another state at 4am and never mentioned. Once I questioned him about it he moved out and started living at a hotel. He refused to discuss it. He ran and hid like a little "B".

So true,

That made me lol 🤣😂 oh my gosh that's true.

Or when they tell you that you're lying because you always look at them when you're talking and they are talking 😂😂😂

OMG, that happened to me and I even apologized for having been "cold".. bcuz back then I didn't know narcissim exists. So glad I dropped her now.

Yeah I know

😂😂That clever on your part.

LOOOL. I needed this. Thank you

I think your dad may be watching this. 😅

​@@PS-nv2qpRiiiiigggghhhht. So its definitely not YOU.....

@@velveetaslingshot that's the point - it could be me, could be you

I couldn’t quite put my finger on what I thought he was. Until he went to a therapist and she told him during the session that he was “rigid”. That’s another word for control freak, inflexible and self centered. I didn’t know anything about Narcissism. Towards the end he became very argumentative, nasty and ornery. He would drink at night and I told him you need to stop drinking. I also told him there you go, creating problems where none exist. Then I would leave the room. Two places I’m not going with anyone, is back and forth. He would try to raise his voice in the grocery store I never allowed him to trigger me just ignored him. I now see why his exes left him, he was an a hole and a cheater. He’s now enjoying the block party. 🎉 🎊 🎈 😊

💪💪🌞🌞

Consider yourself lucky AND Blessed!! 🎉👏🏽🥳🎊

Did he die?

@@serenaann1711 no

Wooooooww!!😮

Sadly doesn't work in every case...

Until they figure out what you did there...then no contact is very crucial coz they will be coming with hell fire behind them to "win" it's saddening. Let's just hope they never find out.

I just did that. He (a guy that I've had NO contact with for 40+ years!) sent me a 'friend request.' Short story shorter: he sent a message that I'm a moron, a fool, and I should "...go get polio...bye bye." I think he was drunk from the # of incomplete or misspelled words. My reply: "lovely" That was easy. I only wish I had included the # of the local AA house.

Lol

wow, so true. that's what happened to me, and it seemed to work.

This explains what my child’s teacher is doing, thank you

日本人ですか？🙂

... That is why they listen!

so true like jerry wise did to me when I reached out to this person for help

facts

Wow 😮

One of the many drug sources are gone. Me.

Yup

Best description for this serious mental illness

But is there not a way to get away without retaliation? There has to be

the narc at that time was in a work situation outside the US. I told my sister in a phone call that if something happened to me, it probably was not an accident. Not that I thought the narc herself would do anything -- she wouldn't get her hands dirty and was good at getting others to do her dirty work - but she had money to easily buy someone to do it and make it look like an accident. She was completely capable of it. And she used her piety as a mask. She was evil.

Yes!!! It was scary 😨

Very true!! 😢

Yeah....for THEM

It is.

“That didn’t happen the way you’re saying it!” Yes, it did

Or they make up a lie about something they claim you did but you really didn't, and when you ask them for an example, they can't even give an answer to their own lies cuz they KNOW they're lying 🙄

💣💣💣 YESSSSS! the one I knew said she'd never work at my place of employment because it didn't pay enough. Month's later she was working there. I mentioned to her that she said she'd never work here ,she said " I never said that" I let her know that she absolutely said that.

Or the opposite "I've already told you that" - no you didn't. That's why they don't like it when you take notes or diarize something. Because then you know for a fact if and what they've already told you. Addition: And when you get your notes out and say: See it was that, they say "it doesn't matter now ... [changing the topic]", even though they made a big fuss about it some seconds ago. Then you know, you caught them in a lie.

oh gosh,I KNOW!!!

You will have absolutely no response to what you’ve witnessed. Utter shock at how they can spin anything and everything.

You will feel so confused that you will question your own reality and whether you are able to discern what’s happening in front of you. I was in a daze for months.

Amen to that! They're incredibly smart - always a step ahead, ready to cover their tracks, manipulate you into thinking they care so that they can get information to use against you for leverage and cleverly nit pick at EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING just to annoy and degrade you. My husband has been starting arguments and then when I blow up, he records at the core of my hurt as I am losing my mind of frustration in the heated argument. He never says sorry, has a weird stare and always shows insecurity after we have been around anyone but then when I tell him he is insecure, he tells me it's me .I'm the narcissist right? Yeah Yeah, blah blah blah. I hope to grow stronger in the time I have to endure with him for financial reasons and then, well ... leave.

Really really upsets me more than anything is that I told myself to leave the first week I did he came back and love bombs me and I had no idea what the hell that meant I just knew it felt good my children told me I asked for I deserve the way couldn't tell reality I was so dazed and confused for weeks I ended up laying in bed I couldn't even get up it wasn't till I realized it was 25 years later and I walked away he replaced me that night I couldn't tell reality from until now the kids told me I was not in 1995 that we were in 2016

Narcissists are pathological liars, they don’t feel uncomfortable lying and therefore it’s really hard to catch them while they are lying. Remember: Whenever their lips moves it’s a lie popping out. Narcissists are charming, good looking smooth talkers. The person you see in front of you is a character made up with lies to charm you. And you need to listen very carefully to the words he says and if you start to feel confused during your chat it’s a big red flag! The narcissist will inject themselves into your life and slowly take control of you by using gaslight, word salad, deflection blaming, victimization, testing your boundaries, and they end up with their famous narcissists rage. Every step makes perfect storm and works like charm, and if you understand how it works you will see how evil this kind of weaponry is. They will hurt you by slowly grinding you down and they will suck you dry in every possible way! Walk away or yet better run! They are flat out evil demonic monsters!! Lesson learned the hard way ❤️‍🩹

I had a lodger like this. She constantly lied to me and the other lodger. She would do sneaky things out of retaliation to me behind my back. So I would be thinking it was her but I couldn’t prove it was because it was always when I was out, not in the home. She would constantly tell me her sob story expecting me to just feel sorry for her. And then pretend to be nice to me other times. She thought she was buying her immunity to not get kicked out and that she was more self entitled now to act how she wants and disrespect me and all the house rules. Then when caught out on anything she would lie, deflect and eventually blamed me. The day she blamed me, insulted me and shouted at me in my own home in front of my family member, I told her to leave immediately. Of course consequences to this. She came back with rage to collect her stuff by getting her angry spiteful friend to shout in my face. They left rubbish and didn’t clear up and ruined an important meeting I was having on my phone before that. Truly disgusting and self entitled people. I’m so glad I spotted this fake and toxic piece of slime before getting into deep and letting her stay longer. She banged on door after to ask for the rest of the terns money back. Even though she had damaged property on purpose and I hadn’t asked for a deposit in the beginning. So I told her ‘I don’t owe you anything! If you come near my house I’ll call someone’ And haven’t spoken to her since. I’m so glad that she will be without a home for the next few months while she is trying to find a place to live. I wouldn’t usually if it was anyone else. But she really was something else! 😅 In all honesty, I hope she learns something from this experience so that she doesn’t do this to someone else again.

Good God yes

That part

I felt I was dying with her at the end I had to disappear for good to save myself

Amen took me 58 years. But thank God I did.

@@marywyrick4520 wow! That's encouraging.

How was it ugly? What happened?

Same here. I can't unknow what I know and they know that I know it and I can't make myself play the game anymore

☮️ 💙

OMG YES!!!!

@@chriswyma145 Yep. Going through this RIGHT NOW. Step one was to stop trying to argue or defend... it became more and more apparent that the arguments had absolutely nothing to do with what she attacks me about, but were just to start a conflict. When I stopped arguing the attacks became more frequent and hostile. And more ridiculously petty, sometimes even comical. Yesterday it was over me opening a window to let beautiful clean spring air into the house. How could I possibly be so stupid and insensitive? 🙂 Now when she gets in my face with some inane complaint rather than defending myself - which is exactly what she wants - I wait till she gets close (she always closes in as she spins herself up) and concentrate on looking right into her eyes to see how large her pupils become. I have noticed that the more enraged she becomes, the larger they get. I use that distraction to maintain my own detachment, then either formulate a brief disengagement statement to create a pause in her attack and walk away, or if I have to, just walk away without saying anything. Lately I have made a game of creating my own 'word salad' to feed her to disrupt her for a second and leave. It's a lot like yelling at an aggressive dog to stop him in his tracks. It works briefly. For a long time I thought not defending myself and walking away was 'letting her win'. In fact just the opposite is true, as borne out by her increasing irritation since I learned how to do this. There really is no winning, not for her or me. Only surviving and distancing. Maybe she'll accept help one day but I really doubt it. I gave up on trying to convince her.

when i started stonewalling my narcissist he would complain to other people that i operated on "attention currency." like what. way to project.

@@bunz6268 Way. To. Project. For them, I mean. Wow.

It was for me too 🤦‍♀️

Yes! ....that's what they do and its Pathetic

Or they've just come to the point where they can't tell the truth.

I felt that… Whether they lie, tell the truth or give an excuse,, they’re practicing their craft. They’re always practicing their craft .,, they feel good at it,, or better yet they feel the best at it

Yessss…Lying for random inconsequential things ….made zero sense. Obsessive habit of lying and hiding any and everything. Like keys and papers and virtually anything. I’m think they are scared insecure morons actually. I almost went insane

So true and funny 😅

SO ABSOLUTELY TRUE. Suddenly teh day I decided not to endlessly ruminate on how to fix the relationship was the same day I felt so much happier about myself and my life.

It's also worth noting that narcissists who like to control have no self-control. Blessings.

Is he too busy to do it himself?

Does he not use people as vessels?

@@dferg6339 Why? He could do much better. In fact he could stop narcissistic people from even being there.

There are a lot of things the Lord can do to protect people, but bad things still happen to people all the time, also why would he not use people to do his work? How do you know he is strategically using other human beings to help one another? 🤷‍♀️

@@dferg6339 Maybe he’s not doing anything, maybe he’s not really there. Who would notice the difference?

I love that! Thanks

😂😂😂👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

Hahahaha dude

Lol, perfect! I got my narc MIL where it hurts when she sent voice recordings to my husband threatening me (as well as my father in law?!) and claiming I was cheating on him. I told her I would send all the recordings to the police, the local newspapers, and the city politicians if she said another word about me. She's a politician and I knew her ego was the only way to stop her because no contact did not help. Rabbit with a gun indeed 🤣!!

Facts. Once you turn the double barrel to them they high tail it out of there.

1000% true. Heavy emphasis on the dangerous part. Downright horrifying.

Yes, dangerous.

ABSOLUTELY. Narcisstic relative legit complained about me so much so they ruined my relationship with other relatives. They will tear after you. Until now I still wasn't clear on what was going on oe why things had got so much worse.

Yes they’ll even put things in your drink

​@@user-qc2qx2kw5bOr food or anything else you indulge in.

For sureee!!! Much strength to you 💪

Now that you notice it... You can laugh and turn it around

Me too! I am from Chicago too!❤sending you Strength!

Yes, as a child suffering in silence then becoming an adult, depressed, developmentally and physically stunted due to stressing and with physical ailments, that the recession occurred in 2008 which left me not have a job at 18 but still going to college was their main tool in the tool box. I am still living the consequences of this.

I've just gone through the discard which was brutal.

I have a granddaughter with her. So not that simple

It was the best thing I could've done as well.. my daughter's dad and I spent years butting heads because I started refusing to tolerate his manipulation anymore.. she's almost 18 now and I have completely went no contact with him.. I spent the first half of my life trying to please everyone, to my own detriment, and I finally made the choice to break that pattern and start putting my own well being first.. I refuse to live the rest of my life tryna live up to other people's expectations and standards, because I realized that no matter how much I do for others, I'd never be able to do enough to satisfy them

That responsibility part was key for me.

The trouble is they keep on.... & rarely does a protective order work, especially in the beginning....& sadly, some use the children, even into adulthood. Thankfully, one can start anew & God Almighty gives many Blessings if walking in His ways.

I've been none contact for 3yrs she has 3 arrest warrents out she's hooked on drugs and I win

100%

but i don’t even wanna shame her.. i’m still nice i just want her to be honest, be happy

@@808stateofmind2 they are not capable. they are wired differently.

@Evan Domingo they’ll feel the shame because of who they really are regardless of whether or not you shame them. If you want her to be honest and happy, you’ll be wanting for the rest of your life, because she’s incapable of both.

@@laurawalker4195 100%

I actually tried to change who I was. Just to please my best friend who I live with. He recently noticed that "I know". I'm not renewing the lease at the end of this year. He doesn't know that yet. That's my winning deal. I'm done. You're on your own, buddy. Done walking on egg shells and feel like it's all my fault.

Same here. She got what she wanted in that regard.

I hope you get to use the past tense soon. I wish you the best!!

Just like that 😱 OMG.My kids father.

It sucks when they have flying monkeys to antagonize you and make you blow up or change tone or use words like "Whatever." Had that happen to me and I just walked away then they said, "just walk away like everyone else has how rude"

Yep! Talk about ‘bait’ my narcissistic sister wanted me to blow up at our large family reunion.. I never took the bait… her final push was to give my 14 y/o son a low alcohol BEER! When he said look what Aunt R** gave me.. I looked past him to see her grinning & smirking. I just smiled (it was hard) and said let’s show this to dad. We met with Dad, and I told son to smile as I did.., hubby says “ok what’s with the crazy smiles?” I said “smoke hunny” I asked if he could see my sister over my shoulder, he could , and then we explained what just happened. He calmly (amazing, considering how ticked he was) and told son that my sister just wanted mom to blow up! He said ‘let’s walk over there and watch the ball game and you will just drop it in the trash can’. As we walked with our arms around each other. She also had a relative convinced that she gave a SODA to my son!

Fuck, that was very well put. I always knew my ex had an issue with my growth, and realised how all that time I spent feeling like I was tip toeing around more and more egg shells of her emotions wasn't because of all the 'abuse' I supposedly put her through, therefore susceptible to breaking down/being triggered much easier. And therefore it's my fault, and in the most timely fashion this sort of repenting for my past behaviours is to be accounted for "now" when I'm at my peakest. The truth was that everytime we were on the offs and I was sad and alone, I also thrived and developed as a man. At the time the motivation of doing so was so when/if we returned to eachother I'd be excited to be able to tell her all the things I did for myself to be a better man FOR her, to make her happier, be the man whose life is worth inviting somebody elses into. And each and every time, the more I grew and we got together, we seemingly just got further away. I've 'changed'. She never wanted to know anything about my new achievements, interests, skills or god forbid relationships I've developed that she wasnt there to oversee or take credit for. I fucking thought she was responsible for all my strengths, and I owed it to her. And I owe her more besides for the past abuse that turns out wasnt even close to being the case. Classic manipulation, feeling that I am everything I loathe in the world an abuser. I guess your feelings cant be devoid of reality forever though, to her misfortune that senselessness of it all dawned on me slowly but surely. Sadly for her, I wasn't too stupid for too long, and can see a pattern emerge where there is one. The more power and agency I took of my own abilities, the strength that I built - the more fragile and strange her behaviour became. She lost her control. I took back my control and in the process became a lot more mentally sharp and resilient than I wouldve been otherwise. The stronger I became, the weaker she became. And still my heart breaks a little thinking about how happy life would have been to see her happy as we grew stronger together, building one another up, admiring our successes, lifting one another up from a fall, watch someone you admire thrive against the adversities, like a role model who so happens to love you as much you love them. I spent 4 years with her feeling stuck in the same place. And now almost two years of zero contact and a sworn commitment that she best to look the other way should we ever walk across eachother. I built a business, turned it into a company, I have all the money I need to buy her all the things that we'd fantasise being. I networked a strong circle of very great people, threw off anybody that was toxic, took control over all the situations that I couldn't otherwise remove entirely. I'm 23, and just two years ago I couldn't even lift myself up from the bed, distraught, ashamed, guilt ridden, broke too lol. I suppose I always did have the ability to be the man worth another womans love and commitment, except that I had to take her out of the goddamn equation to get there. I appreciate that I am much more happier and mentally healthier now than I ever was with her, and that I should appreciate the fact that the only demons that I'm now facing is the inability to trust someone back again into my life like I had with her. I feel lonely 'at the top' and at the same time built a huge fort around me anyway, protecting everything that I built because I earnt it. I laid every brick and felt every scar that I own, if you're even thinking of coming close then good luck because I got up here alone and can damn well stay up here alone. It's a shitty, self-defeating mindset that I find myself battling against from time to time. Really though I should be glad that's as far as it goes in terms of irreperable damage and life could be a lot worse. But I'm alone anyway, I feel alone a lot. I guess that''s the price paid, maybe not. Fuck it, it is whatever tf it is. Anyway I'm rambling now. I suppose thats why your last sentence struck a chord with me, it puts together in one sentence feelings I verbalise over many pages. All the best.

@@Jupa You just have to realize that you ran into a nut and there are more out there, but now you know what they do and can spot the behavior before you become emotionally invested or have children. We had a daughter and that was a large reason I tolerated it. I ended up with full custody of my daughter.

It enrages me. Cuz then they just start using others against you to hurt you

Yeep, "my" narc just hit me with that one. She is a family member who has been giving me sh×t about my wedding (and her lack of presence at it cuz like, covid?) and my in-laws. The moment I stood up for myself she did the silent treatment. Seeing how that got no reaction from me, she flew off the handle a couple of days ago claiming I changed, then "disowned" me as a relative. Dramatic much?

Narcissists gauge love by how much control you allow them to have.

I just went through what you described with my wife of 40 years. I knew when she was having an affair 15 years ago. When I was recovering from major surgery. Every time I would confront her about it she would explode. Finally I couldn't take the denial anymore and confronted her I refused to back down. Sure she used that rage response but I called her out and she broke. I never let myself see it for all those years. Your comment has allowed me to understand that I was made a fool of all those years. Now I will call her on her BS and finally things have changed. I didn't divorce her but now she knows I will never tolerate that behavior ever again. So thanks you hit the nail on the head.

You hit the nail in the coffin with this comment

@@stephenlandry9343you need to leave bro

@@stephenlandry9343once a cheater always a cheater

Nailed it!!!!

The devil is the "most low", narcissistic folk are varying levels of lowness

Same... They can always go lower, that is unbelievable!

Let him bring it....I'll never back down from a punk narc...!

Sending you all the hugs. I hope you get through this with some semblance of yourself intact.

@@ccdm515 I have always said to myself like narcissistic evil sister is devil in real life the evilness of this people is just scary they go lower to do more evil it's so disturbing

So very true. They pathologize US for figuring them out.

Oh my gosh so true! She tells everyone I'm paranoid and negative and dark because she shat in the punch bowl and ruined our family. I was paranoid because she was lying and cheating, negative because she was abusing me, and dark because I felt trap, but it's all my fault according to her because I wouldn't play along anymore.

"I feel like no one ever gets me" Yeah, we get you, you just don't like that we get you.

Yes. They spend all their time accusing YOU of being who they in fact are and accusing YOU of doing what they in fact are doing.

@@tiddlywinks8299 yep, if they are cheating, best believe you are a cheater. When he started saying he was scared I would kill him in his sleep, that was the end for me. I’d never even intimated I wanted to hurt him. All this crap came out of left field. No way was I staying to see if this is how he felt, and at this point we’d only been dating for two months!!! Insane!

That explains why every Christmas/holiday my narc husband was miserable and ruined our holidays. We were separated for a few months and i decided to give our marriage one more try. He was fine for a maybe 6 weeks and then reverted back to his old self. Thats when i decided our marriage is over but i didn't want any drama so decided to wait until a few months after Christmas to move out of the state to be near family/support. I guess he figured out something was coming as he was great during Christmas holiday. He was generous and actually bought me and our kids nice gifts (which he never does) and he put up lights and was just so happy. He still layed in bed all day and got up to go outside and 'puff' medical mj, but was so different. After Christmas, he tried to be intimate and i just couldn't pretend. I had to tell him our marriage is over. He turned to Mr. Hyde! Gaslighting, attacking me verbally then the silent treatment until he packed up and left.

yes, they would suddenly change tune and become suddenly sweet to avoid losing us. It happened to me. but too late. Scales have already fell from my eyes.

bjg3474 my current gf act exactly like your ex, except this one stays with me and doesn't do anything no sex, cooking, cleaning, pays no bills, she sneak to see her guy friends and not put that energy towards me.. well what she don't know is, im filling an eviction on her and getting her out my house. noone is ever that pretty to lose my peace and feel used just for comfort and resources

@@shadowfox_117 since she has so many guy friends, she can go bunk with any of them. she won't be sleeping in the streets.

@@user-hi9gj2vz3m that what I told her, "better start making arrangements with one of your "friends", either way; your getting outta here".

Thank you ♥️

Thank you

Education on narcissists is a must. People to be aware of this personality disorder. Unfortunately, we all found out after we were knee-deep in their abuse. The cart keeps coming before the horse.

Amen. Thanks

Thanks mil is the narcasisst in my life

Exactly Eli.

@Genevieve Giles good for you. They did you a favor.

They’ll comeback later if they thought you forgot. That’s when you get the hoover.

@@CC-pu6qn in my experience, they rarely come back. Because they know that you can see through them and it makes them very uncomfortable.

@@Tiberon674 Yes, they don’t really come back. They do hoover, which I said prior, which is dependent on multiple factors. When they hoover, they are still underestimating that you’ve figured them out because they are grandiose. Yes, when the narc finally gets it, then they don’t return, but they aren’t that easy to get rid of if you have something they want. All narcissistic abuse is not the exact same. However, we know narcs were never there to begin with, it’s just an act. They pretend to comeback to destroy you for fun.

Yeah they all seem to have their little catchphrases… Red flag 🚩

Ever thought he may be a closet gay man...they do get married even have children...just a thought as this would explain much of what you wrote...best wishes.

I was just wondering "When did I write this ?" Absolutely. Same. Story. No sex at all. Once a month 3 minutes and I am "the perv who wants too much" I understand this feeling when you suddenly start thinking "what if I got some extra kilos? I must be ugly. What if I smell bad? Maybe my skin is not smooth enough?" And you keep trying and trying, but he doesn't even want to cuddle in bed or hold my hand. It's always "I'm not comfy this way, I am too tired, if you had worked as hard as I do your wouldn't have wanted sex either etc" Now I understand that I just should leave.

he prefers porn now and says he’s asexual. before that excuse, it was sexually assault by relative. Really? never bothered him for years previously. so, it’s one excuse after another.

Very well put. Haven't talked with youngest daughter for a year after she said she'd have my husband and my picture at the entrance of her wedding and we would be escorted out. No explanation. Here it is Christmas time and she reached out with a "happy holiday." text. I responded, after hesitation admittedly, "You as well." Well, we are currently off to the drama races with her crying to her sister that I'm a terrible mother, she can never reach out again, and she just can't believe I didn't text back more. What in the world was I supposed to say? I'm still sticking with grey rock, but it's going to test me once again on fortitude.

Like real life demons!!!

you could be a doormat all your life but grey rock for even a moment and there's hell to pay.

parasitic!

That's what I did now she knows I know. And we only talk about the weather

Don’t forget discard!

@@justdeuxit820 Oh yeah, Discard. Added it to the list.

7. All of the above.

Yep or a you tube couple acc for their next supply so they can rub it in your face. But he’s only getting karmic backlash now 😂😂

Unfortunately I seem to get #4 a bunch

Omg similar conversation I had with my ex. He said he had been unhappy for a year....and I said I had been unhappy for 6yrs. LOL. Insanity. They were like WELP. GOOD RIDDANCE.

Going through the same thing! Now that I know the games, I'm so indifferent to his tactics 😂

@@christy7997 that's awesome!!! Stay strong, stay safe! ✨✌️🦋🌼

Exact same! I firewalled my ex for several years before we finally divorced. And I heard how I never talk to him anymore, blah blah blah. He finally left and I just told him how happy it was making me. Now even after the divorce he misses his supply and someone to bully so he continues to contact me. I want to go no contact but worried what he’d do if he couldn’t email me his lies so I let him and just don’t react.

@@TheClarkstonmom just screenshot everything he sends you and send it to the cops they might possibly put a restraining order on him

My mother used to tell me I was “ crazy” and needed psychiatric help. I said your the one lying in the bed trying to blame me for your bad behavior. I’m out here functioning like a normal adult even though you have broken my heart. To the day she died she knew I knew the truth she would not apologize or offer any regrets. I’ve been so free since her passing although 2 sisters have taken up where she left off. I put them out of my life. I refuse to live in misery. I’m very happy and free now.

You’re NOT crazy. You are not alone!!

@@bf6048 Sounds like you have a healthy respect for yourself and your right to wellbeing, love and respect. Good for you for breaking free from your ex predator!

I was saved by videos like this and thought the same thing. I'm really not crazy.

Hang in there and keep trying and keep learning. There can be hope.

😂

Have been there before, TS hot, I thank God i over came

I'm scared hes going to expose explicit pictures of myself to my family members or even hurt one of them..

Not always…💔💔💔💔

😂

Just a problem when he has a knife.

@@fredericusrex9397 That's why I carry a gun.

Yup, ive done it. Drived her crazy

No risk, no fun bro?

@@melissamissy5129 ignore them like sub-humans that i think they are bc they cant feel like a human being. And if they put their hands on you leave the house and call the Police. Thats what i did. I know it is hard but you have to do it. These people is just blah blah with their victims. Once the police showed up she turn into a mess. Even called her mom and sister playing the victim saying she didn't know why I called the police on her. Her mom and I spoke after and she told me that she couldn't even write down her statement for how scared she was. Most NPDs are barking dogs, but when someone else that they dont know confronts them they panic and dont know what to do. Remember it is an illusion that they create in your mind to gain control over you. I invite you to grab your arms and be brave for your own sake. No matter what the price is. The final product is worth it!!! They could look smart in front of their victims, but in reality they are stupid and once you are no longer under their spell and you think about all they said in the past will sound like nonsense and youll laugh.

to smart people narcissists give a great life lesson. The best one. God knows what created on this planet. Everybody is useful.

I know. There's full blown adults and even elders who have no idea what to think or do about a person like this.

Must be nice…some of us with children involved have no choice but tolerate their BS. The court system seems to ALWAYS side with the narcissist and even if you do everything you can to let them show their narcissistic sociopathic behavior the court will still favor the narcissist. It is insane.

@@MacJank7 I was the child in a family of narcissists, not spouse and took years to heal and then find my own identity. Yes, that puts me (as an adult) in a fortunate position which I am grateful for everyday. I wish the spouses and the children of... all the best in finding a way out.

@@missbilbybadinage1199 my wife and I were both married to narcissists but her ex is at the sociopath level and my step children are in the middle. It’s an insane way to live constantly in court with him for all sorts of things. We could write a book!

@@MacJank7sorry your dealing with this

@@shanel4294 the kids are the ones that I feel for, their own father is abusing them and the court system is so corrupt it feels like nothing will ever happen…justice needs to be served.

Me too

👍❤️

Yes. It’s as though you can’t unsee it.

Same. I’m not as anxious or scared.

It's an eye opener

No they feel shame ALOT ! That's why they act the way they do!

​@@nicholecornes1915They absolutely don't feel shame. That's WHY they are able to continue their behavior.

@@nicholecornes1915 Nonsense. It's not "shame" they feel, it's anger at being caught out

@@tammy5926 we don't feel shame until it is public. We dont have shame over oursleves but only when other people see it.

🙌

helpful to who exactly? teach this and the would-be narcissist is fore-warned and better armed. it just gives them 'ideas'.

It would be great. That system is run at different levels by narcissists that want to keep you and I on the hamster wheel, so this will not be taught.

I 100% agree. I feel a lot of psychology should be taught in a class in HS or even Middle School.

@@bikerfirefarter7280 Not really. It is well proven that a well-armed society is a stable and functional society because everyone knows they cant get away with bad behavior.

True. Like their thinking out loud their feelings about themselves. One finger pointed at you. The rest pointed at them.

When ppl you know try to make themselves always look good and criticizing others...

That's it!!! I'm done this describes the 3 people living in my home they have to go. Its esp hard when they all join against you

@@barbarastrayhorn4667 iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiij9i

@@barbarastrayhorn4667 iiiiiiiiiiiiiii

France is bacon.

And me!

Absolutely... Diagnose quickly and nip them in the bud.

Than-you for this, Beth. It is so beautifully said.

❤️

so beautiful and true, thanks for sharing

RS... 💯💪

Beautiful. Thank you,

May I ask how ?

You remove yourself from the narcissist. You trust your own intuition. You accept defeat. You will not win this. Thinking you’re going to fix this is narcissistic behavior in its own. You have to break the cycle. Let it all go. Move on. Figure it out. Think your own solutions through and do it for you. Not for the chance that they’ll change. Again, narcissistic stuff. A narcissist will infect you with narcissistic behavior. Don’t assume you’re in the clear from being a narcissist yourself. I’ve heard myself over the years get pretty narcissistic. Im able to recognize I don’t like that person in me though they end up with me isolated. You’ve got this fellow person!

❤

I can’t wait to be free

yes! finally validated and know we r not just crazy. thank you sincerely.

I feel for you

yes- that is why it is so important to practice self validating techniques but, I know what they say can easily break anyone down. Stay strong. My father did the same. My mother did for a time but, I suspect she suffered with CPTSD doesn't excuse her behavior (she also has never apologized for this), but I know she is not as sick as my father - I have seen goodness in her. I am sorry friend . Keep in contact with people - even if it doesn't seem possible because you are so tired and broken. Pray over your spirit and mediate and remember your worth. Fuck them.

Yep! Same!

And causing reactive abuse at times, ohhhhh they love that. Call the cops!

smh

@@Dynamic_heart A TEIT just exposed himself.

😃

Ramani*

Often I check one I think I won't learn anything from and it is one of the most informative!

@@thehilaryglow thank you Hila. At least somebody is paying attention to detail.

everything you said is exactly what im going through right now with my mom, like word for word. A couple weeks ago i ignored her when she asked me a question and went to bed early, a couple minutes later i heard a loud thump from the kitchen. I knew in the back of my mind it was my mom looking for attention, i was right. My dad knocked on my door and told me she fell and had to go to the hospital. She never went to the hospital and spent the morning walking around with a walking stick... i saw her grab it when i came out of my room. I feel like she wasted a good chunk of my life. I still love her when shes in a good mood but when i move out i dont think i want to talk to her anymore.

OMG….. This comment just made me realize something . As I have been dealing with a covert narcissist (My mother) and narcissist (Father) He did something that made me terribly uncomfortable and I said something and was blamed by my family for his bad behavior. The next day he was walking with a Cain. I said nothing about it and ignored it. Cuz I just had a feeling. Eww what an icky thing to do to get attention.

​@@I2oyali31ueyes😂😂😂😂😂they are weirdos

Covert narcissistic moms are very common in Indian culture

I’m with you

You not alone 😒😒😒

I understand how you feel. my teens, preteens, 20s, 30s were all difficult thanks to narc parents and friends.. i was a magnet. Doc. Ramani has made me a narc repellant now

Same

Exactly. 35 years ago for me - my family!

Yeah be careful. I didn't do it like that, I sent him narc videos so I wouldn't be in the same room as him to tell him I know who you are.

Mate this literally made me jump......... I can see this happening :0 Edit, This has really shook me :o

I would be wary of overtly calling them out. Like she said in this video they are in tune, of a sorts, to their environment and can tell when a person knows. Gaslighting is generally bad but is a good defense against a narcissist. I see it as much like learning a martial art. I don't do it to go out and hurt people but rather to develop discipline and to be able to defend myself should I need to. My suggestion would be to attempt to simply observe and let any anger you feel go and to simply ask them questions which do not allow them to brag or feed that need to be better than.

thats all it took lol

@@lodenco691 Ask questions or make statements which do not let them feel better than. An example could be from a workplace where they completed some project or whatever and are trying to get us to bow to how awesome they are for finishing it. An example could be something like: "That was a good project" vs "You did a really good job", "That kind of project is what we really needed to get done" vs something like "We couldn't have done it without you", etc. In this really simple example this narcissist actually did something useful but since they are a narcissist they only did that to gain the praise of others. We can recognize that the completion of the project was useful, important, etc but not *them* and if possible we should suggest that anyone could have done it just as well as they did. Another example, and one I actually use/have used, relates to what I call "enlightened narcissists" that are pretty easy to find in many spiritual circles is what I call "paradoxing". This is much like a zen cohen and for basically everyone, except a narcissist, it will cause us to question our reality and our perception of it. An example I use is something like "I find myself contemplating how real the unreal is to some people. Isn't it amazing how real delusion is to the sick mind?". I use this in response to what I call "yous". Which are people in spiritual circles who use the word "you" a lot when getting obnoxiously preachy. Like I said these shouldn't be used against "normal people" except in the case of paradoxing and someone specifically looking for it(like wanting to practice zen). Outside of that I see it a lot like punching someone in the face. We shouldn't do that, like ever, unless we are being forced to defend ourselves.

They hide the care they feel for not being able to abuse you anymore, might be why they act so dull.

My narc left 4 months ago...he said I was angry...yes I was....I am not now Everyone sees him as the victim in this.....I am slowly thinking I'm going to be ok

@@savewaterdrinkwine3802 you will be okay. Sometimes I think I won’t ever be okay but then I remember the times when I was free and doing fine. I’ll return to that place again and so will you :)

@@vballcupcake127 I will see you there 😘❤

I was old that I was being…”nasty”…..one example…😅

@@amyc6491 Yep, me too...I am so nasty????

I cannot imagine how hard that would be to put up with. He said that to me once. I decided if he ever said it again, I was very calmly going to ask, "Why?" I won't push him into it, but I'm actually sort of looking forward to it happening one day. (Ah, the perks of developing some strength!)

That’s their overinflated ego.

@Geneva Lawrence, yep, same here. Same scenario down to the dog (dogs and cats) in my case need to obey his every word and command. The kids are older now, it's just me and the pets, so he will rage for what seems like hours, terrifying the animals and then ask why THEY act out!?! He rages at the neighbors, people on he street, in the stores you name it. Some days it would be nice to not have him around .... at all!!

I've worked with normal humanely behaved enlisted and officers. I never understood the few rageaholics who believed themselves authoritarians in many aspects of everyday life.

@@mgb7140 Well done! I love your last sentence. I wish my daughter would stand up and respect herself. She is quite a mess after 13 years with the control freak who thinks he is perfect. He even says he's perfect.

It’s hard when your mate doesn’t see the narcissist in his family. I have to monitor every word about them to him. It may come down to leaving him to be happy.

Same here

@@jforquick834 Ditto @!

I feel like these are the ONLY groups that completely understand my horrible world with narcissist in it. Especially, people who were raised by narcissist. My adopted mother was very similar to yours. She Was… A liar Manipulative Deceiving Revengeful Prideful Easily agitated Fake cries Selfish Hypocrite Verbally abusive Neglectful Petty Controlling Entitled Highly immature Zero self awareness Prideful/unapologetic She has natural kids that she screwed up. One is her son who is a male version of her. Her daughter is similar as well, but with some different type of demons/traits Her other son is awful as well. I can’t believe I survived that. I’m so glad that I’m not part of their blood lines.

Far out, my brother does the exact same thing, it's absurd.

Yes!!!!! Thank you for saying this!

I just found this video yesterday and it's explained so much about how my "ex" girlfriend (who somehow still treats me like a partner even though SHE broke up with me) has been treating me.

Wow… it feels so good to be validated through your videos… I recently “broke the code” In a friendship… they had been doing this for years but they crossed the line that hurts me more than anything and THEY knew this specifically was a trigger for me. They even started of the conversation with “ sometimes I don’t want to trigger you with these….” And went on to explain and add salt to their point. I was boiling and they practically taunted me. I am fully removing myself

I wholeheartedly agree; your comforting persona and mind-blowing accuracy of their behaviour validates my newly acquired mindset and recovery from my own narcissist trauma. Thank you ❤

Thank you - thank you. And you know, I am kind of getting away from this by also understanding that I am also growing myself and start setting my boundaries in a better way.

Absolutely intentional. I'll never forget that nasty, smug, smarmy, cocky ass smirk and air about herself when she felt like she *had* me on something. ESPECIALLY if it was turning the tables because I had HER on some lie. She'd go from completely defeated body language and demeanor, to cocky, super-confident, taunting, and almost grandstanding body language at the flip of a switch as soon as she felt like she suddenly had an upper hand and could get the focus off of HER wrongdoing. And then she'd SWEAR she didn't remember doing it or acting like that when I brought it up later. 🙄 It's ALL intentional. They know EXACTLY what the hell they're doing to you when they do it...they THRIVE on it. And like Dr. Ramani said in the video...they go so long having that control, that once you figure out what's been happening all along and start backing away...they HATE it.

yes they sure do mean it

They mean it but it's also worth understanding that what they say is a reflection/projection of ideas and beliefs they hold about themselves. And they always have a deep lack of self worth even if they do everything in their power to make themselves and others think overwise.

@@Jdizzlefreeone yes they do mean every single mean word. I use to say best find a god because they dont care who they hurt.gone way too far.

But isnt any medication for IT?

Good. Do NOT contact her, if even to just send her this video. The engagement will open all those painful wounds all over again. Be strong. Be well.

when I started setting boundaries with communication level and when I told them that their conduct was unacceptable they went "wow I don't see why this is such a big deal you're just getting so mad at me over it" but then later said my boundary was "unattainably high and so stressful and triggering". Just infuriating

GOOD, It is NOT WORTH IT. They crave attention, and that would only prove you were thinking of them.

@@katieharmount158 I have shown off against narcissists and while they crave attention, they HATE negative attention, specially against others once you show their shit off

Yeah also that's kinda harassment :P

Hell no! You are NOT crazy they are TOXIC! Run!

Crikey, I have screen shot your comment Pam. It’s perfection! Thank you.

@@ThePatchwork68 Thank you!! He didn't have much to say after that. No wonder he ghosted me! It's been 2 months now.

Awesome! Great response

Classic

Confrontation is also exposing the narc at the same time! Like let me make you feel weak af for a change. I guess you couldn't handle that for few sec cause you're just a sorry as* coward punk!

Same. They don't grow at all as a perosn. They don't care how their actions and choices have negatively affected people around them including their own children. They are so self centered amd evil.

Oh I feel you

yep. she’s been this way for years and no one has called her out on it until me, and her world is turning upside down now.

Same. So lacking self awareness and insight it’s stunning.

Most are this way. Their denial is so extreme it is actually very pointless to try to get them to accept or admit anything or that you *know* what they are doing. Best route is just to cut all contact. It really doesn’t matter if they ever see because you make them irrelevant to your life.

Going through an eviction with one as well. Stay strong, facts, and legal. They will be removed from our homes!!

I cried many times explaining him what I wanted and he would feel nothing just pretending didn’t understand what I want

@ Clarissa I hope you don’t have kids . Glad your out of your toxic relationship

Yes! That final rage did it for me. I vowed I’d never risk another sleepless night-shaking, nauseated-wondering if I might be harmed by my spouse. Bye. So long. I was gone a week later...never returned.

So glad you're out.🙏

Similar story here.

Yes! This is correct, the narcissists in my life had me cornered after I gave birth and their behaviour became more and more abusive. I still 3 years later have anxiety about what I experienced. Never again.

Yeah my ex was into loan-sharking stripclubs pornography gambling alcoholism they must go through life is bullying people and getting their way

Exactly, it is about power.

Sounds like Trump.

🎯

Do you mean YOU are the narcissist?

@@constructenglish1 Exactly what I meant

#mystory as well

Congrats!

Same!

He labeled me manipulative 😆 and I asked the people he had told, how was I manipulative? None could explain, then they realised he didn't break it down for them, when one called him up and inquired he quickly hang up giving an excuse of his lawyer was calling him he would call back almost a month he hasn't called back. 😂

Thankyou

Thank you! To the comments here, exactly what he did to me. He told me I’m narcissistic and manipulative. I calmly, instead of giving him the high energy I usually do, just said okay, I agreed with him he got more rageful and the relationship ended. So bizarre. Now to heal and protect myself from this happening again.

Youre welcome everyone. My mom has munchausen by proxy and diagnosed me with "high functioning" aspbergers to get social security. She never gave me a cent and stuck me in a bunch of terrible living situations after i started questioning things when i was around 25 just to prove her point; she even knowingly let me live in a foreclosed home for 50 bucks a month while keeping the rest. After I finally figured things out i eventually became my own payee then got rediagnosed as neurotypical. My symptoms i displayed as a kid were due to emotional abuse and neglect. I no longer have social security at this point. Ive encountered a bunch of narcissists since and its always the same pattern of behavior, but i cant help but feel sorry for them because they grew up in similar situations. It sucks how instead of learning and growing they use their past pain to their advantage and to manipulate others because they feel sorry for them. My mom is no different. Im no contact and way better because of it. I hope everyone gets out and gets help. Also, people who are autistic or aspies are beautiful humans who dont deserve the stigmas i witnessed. My so called "therapy groups" i went to were intended to cure them instead of work with them. Autism does not need to be cured ❤

So true. They push you to your limits and take great delight when u finally snap, as if its your fault then they make out u are the nasty one. So sad but so true

It will kill them. They'll have no one to spray their venom at so their heads will heat up and explode.

common DoctorRamani W

Yes please RUN!!!

yes, but it can be very dangerous. They lash out so much when they are angry, so be careful!

@@aazhie I've read a lot about emotional abuse and mental abuse. Like gaslighting, and brainwashing techniques. The best answer I found to surviving narcissistic abuse is by emancipation, or distancing yourself as much as possible to begin the healing process. 🖤