What I Wish My Therapist Told Me | A Buddhist Monk's Reflection 

@Shaun X wonderful 😊😊

Hello Nick ..Very nice video❤️🙏✨🌷 Glad you found your true nature and can share your insights with us.I am still working on mine but learning more and more everyday .For most of my life I was always trying to force myself to be like others so that I could fit in and not stand out.I was a wallflower too ,still am in a way and that's ok.My motto in life is to always learn and evolve ..Don't close your mind cause that's when you become ignorant & judgemental.

Nick keomahavong i have a question if you harm some animals but its not habitual will you be punished in the afterlife?

@@carolyn6689 Thank you so much my friend. Continue to shine :)

@@michaelantoine4057 There would be some effects.

:-) that's quite an interesting perspective. Haha

So true. It took me some time to realize this. A very close friend of mine is very introverted. I would often get upset with her if she didn’t want to join me when with a larger group. I do understand her now and we spend time together just the two of us when we can.

@@KarenMartinez-mo8bu I'm glad that you did that for her, it takes a lot of insight to be able to realize this and make the neccessary changes to make them feel comfortable

I have tried but they don’t listen lol

Forreal though

@RosesAreBlue this brings memories of when my ex shamed me for not talking much at her family meetings

@RosesAreBlue hot damn, I relate a lot. At a birthday party, I was very reserved since there were many people around and my social anxiety was still strong that time, this friend of mine kept asking in such a condescending tone-- in front of the others no less-- why I was being so quiet. I didn't answer, because I didn't know why either. "Why are you so loud?" I wish I had asked her. My mom is also an extrovert and she's forced me all my life to be more social and smile more. It's so draining, but thankfully I've come to accept my introverted nature, and I've found others who accept that as well. Extroverts may be sociable, but that doesn't mean they're sensitive of how others feel. And most of them definitely aren't so sensitive, sadly:(

It is yes, its like saying i dont like your personality be more like us

I think it is rude to tell that to other introverts, but I have said it to myself as an introvert, and am glad I did. I practiced and got better making chit-chat over time, which is a life skill (fair or not), to the point that I now speak decent “pot luck chatter” (though I will never light up a room). I agree with what he is saying, but there is a fine line between “be yourself” and “if something is hard for you, just accept that, never practice and avoid that situation.”

Introverts gift is internal to think as extroverted is to learn.

☺️

I know this feeling. Sending love.

Do you want to change that?

Exactly! I'm trying to discern which one's hurt more than help me now. Coping like I do helped me at one point.

I get it

Sadhu Sadhu 😊😊 thank you so much

Ik this isn't what watts is really saying. But what if we could just change our whole ass personality in five minutes on a whim lol

do I remember what I was 10 minutes ago 😅😊

@@phoenixjones7191 Why? And I meant why would you need or want to change yourself. Do you mean change your persona [or how you "appear"? Is that what you would wish to change? I could be wrong but staying as you "are" might be far superior.. just sayin. Being true to yourself. I have not finished listening to this video yet..

@@beckyandrus3977 issa joke

When you were a child, you could, and you did change your whole ass personality in five minutes. You were a totally different person depending on who you were with and what was expected of you. When you truly embrace that who you are is no-one, you can be anyone. Fundamentally, "Who I am" and "Buddhism" are concepts that cannot exist in the same person at once, he's made the first step of not trying to be someone that he isn't, but he hasn't taken the transformative step of realizing that who he is is no one, but he's putting in the work, he's where he needs to be.

I'm glad that was helpful. It takes the weight off your shoulders. That's wonderful to hear :-)

❤️

it's amazing to know psychiatrists can make such an impact because it's my dream to be one and they are shit on a lot. I'm so glad you feel better

That is a very insightful and wise clinician! Therapists have to operate within an ethical framework,. Generally & traditionally a therapist’s job is not about a client’s nature of being... that’s more a buddhist/spiritual guru/Alan Watts etc. A therapist works with the human psyche; it’s problem/patterns/blocks/phobias etc focused and resolving issues that impact everyday life. CBT is solution focused. Few therapists (sadly) will question whether the issue is really an issue at all societally... because it’s invalidating the client’s feelings. They’re more likely to question ‘why’ it’s an issue (which, if done right, can help the client to reassess their own reality/perception and values to see for themselves IF it really is an issue at all). I’m a therapist and spiritual (for want of a better word). During my training, the lecturers would roll their eyes at anything remotely outside of the accepted norm. I fought them on many fronts including my belief that reality was subjective. This was hotly refuted by my lecturers but I persisted all the same. Luckily the exam board was more open minded and my thesis won some recognition. I applaud this psychiatrist for thinking outside the box and entering the client’s frame of reference! Any therapeutic theory should evolve to fit the client... instead of making client fit the theory! That was my big argument with psychoanalysis! But the profession does have its limited framework/boundaries, as a duty of care. With regards to our nature of being and in my humble opinion - the things we resonate with and/or feel a passion for is often our soul showing us our direction, and we are free to explore that, which often takes courage and a leap of faith. It’s a magical way to exist in this world... to be fully present and follow the energy; finding a way to express your authentic self as your own unique gift to this world. To exist and coexist freely and expansively, beyond labels and society’s collective and restrictive ‘norms’. As long as we’re not harming other life beings (and that doesn’t include disappointing the expectations of others for following your own path), you are free. We are vast and magnificent beyond all human imagining and not confined to the expectations of a small mind. Many who are naturally gifted and truly connected (tuned) to greater consciousness and feel some innate calling do shy away from superficial social gatherings (because it’s ego noise that disturbs our higher vibration). Some limit themselves to very few necessary social gatherings - where we can learn and can often amuse ourselves ;) There is also the paradox, where after a certain point many are able to withstand the noise of societal noise and maintain their vibration. They can coexist with everything around them where they’re both a part of it and beyond it... without considering themselves special or separate. If you change and drop much of what you represented to become more authentic to yourself (which is a life long journey by the way, because we are boundless, we change with every experience). Some people will judge you, even worry that you are depressed or have completely lost your mind. After a while however, they will feel your peace and light and some unfathomable healing vibration in your presence... they will begin to ask how they themselves can achieve that. No matter what the rest of the world is doing Let your light shine. Remember we are always creating... nothing is ever wasted, even when we’re standing still, we create stillness 🌟

Wow wow wow. I am not a social person & it is good to know you have found a good therapist connection

Thank you so much elizabeth 😊😊 I'm glad it's helpful. Greetings to you from Thailand

accept?

You are just the way God created you to be. Dont allow anyone to change who you are. I am happy to be learning that we all can accept ourselves just as we are.

I feel the same at 69.

sadhu sadhu 🙂🙂🙂 glad it's helpful

That wise man was Albert Einstein.

I love this. 😂

Great saying. May be better to say, "but if a fish judges itself by it's ability to...

Wow... Profound...

@@Piku0055 Einstein never said that.

@Valentina Rose Especially these days when the world has gone mad. I’ll stay home after work, thanks.

You're perfect as you are🧡

My friend an Artist told me this advice, “ just do you”. I love it!

Same here, except I don’t feel alone because I’m with my dog. My best friend through pandemic.

You can choose to be happy AT ALL TIMES, even at work. Change your perspective and you change your mind. Feel the gratitude of being alive. Don't let any other person's expectations affect your mindset. You can be happy no matter what happens. It's your choice and your choice alone. ☮️

Me too ❤

Me too, being at home with my cats after work makes me feel complete. 🙂❤

Wonderful Mark. I'm glad you can connect. Glad it's helpful 😊😊

This is powerful ! Thank you for this.

Ditto 🫂

same here!

I felt emotional too and scared and a little shocked that I can relate to nick so intimatley

Wow that is so great to hear. I'm glad it was helpful for you. Thank you so much and greetings to you all the way from Thailand :-) be safe my friend

👍#ABS🌟LUTE‼👌 Grateful.

Thank you Hanna. This is why it's so important for us to develop mindfulness and meditation practice. It will help to guide us

We are getting there! People are waking up.

Well stated my friend :)

I can relate. My own personal struggle is that, not only am I an introvert, but I was also socially sheltered most of my life and have social anxiety. While I crave more interaction, I am confused about how to meet my needs, given my own condition and also feeling like the world around me is designed “for extroverts, by extroverts.” It seems like we need more social literacy in our culture, in many ways- teaching about introversion vs extroversion, etc. But this video has really spoken to me, and given me something to think about.

@@90MysteriumFascinans "given my own condition and also feeling like the world around me is designed “for extroverts, by extroverts.” I relate to what you expressed there and feel it is all too true. I believe extroverts have nearnly every advantage in society, if you go by society's rules. But here's the thing that popped into my mind when i read what you said: would it be easier to A) change society, or to B) change myself? My answer is B). However, if I change myself, aren't I actually changing the entire world too?

@@90MysteriumFascinans how do I thumbs-up this more than once. Seriously, RU-vid needs to switch to the model used by Medium: Claps - give as many as you like

But I AM shy.. Besides being an introvert

This is beautiful jessica. That's wonderful work you are doing. Your writing made me smile😊 Keep up the great work.

I was married to someone who was extremely extroverted. He felt he needed to be entertained or be social as much as he could, and I was taken along for the ride. I enjoyed very few of those activities, and now I understand why. I am wired differently. I enjoy being social sometimes, but with small, select groups of people. But mostly I enjoy my own company, being peaceful.

@@nickkeomahavong01 k6k66u66

😊@@karenrawlings2051😅😊😊

Aww thank you so much AJ. Appreciate the support :)

Idk, I think it'd be cool if birds had little arms.

I want to sing like the birds, not caring who listens, or what they think - Rumi

This is beautiful 😭🐦🌳

Oh. This touched me.

Perfectly said

Wonderful sabrina. You hit it on the head. Well done :-)

Notice what you're not so well at doing, so you can find handicaps for your shortcomings. Notice what you're well at, and play to those strengths. This is how you honor your nature. Most believe they need to be smart, and intelligent.. But even a chef can be a genius with food, but dull in other areas.. The point is, let the part of you that is a genius shine. Pursuing things outside of your nature doesn't work well. & Life is good at telling you, you dont fit in. Pay attention.

Aww thank you so much Angie. That is amazing that you will be watching this together as a family. It will help each person gain more insight into the situation. It sounds like you have a kind heart and a beautiful family. Continue to discuss openly and support one another and everything will fall into place. Please send my blessings to your family and your daughters as well :-)

Thank you so much. I’m glad the video was helpful. Please keep up the wonderful work you are doing with your clients. No need to compare to others 😊

Awwwe this makes me happy to hear. I'm glad you can have another tool at your disposal to help yourself and your clients 😊😊 Greetings to you from Thailand.

Exactly

Solitude is wonderful :-)

Yes same

I have been an extrovert for over half of my life, and l love solitude, silence, and being on my own too most of the time. Both have their attractions, and benefits.

@@judykraska400 Yes balance is important. We should do whatever makes us feel most alive. :)

something i love as much as solitude is the deep connection you can have with other people in small groups or one on one. Big groups leave me feeling drained but small hangouts with people im close to leave me energized as much as solitude!

Thanks for sharing!!

Sadhu Sadhu 😊😊 thank you so much my friend.

Yes definitely, we need both :)

Yes, when he said he quietly leaves to avoid the attention... Felt that... Therapists/ family/co-workers etc, push to throw us into the mix, not realizing we are ALL designed differently. We are all an example of something to someone, when we see ourselves as whole instead of in pieces, something about it feels very grounding... it felt like a chore going to therapy...had to take some time to myself to understand myself...Thank you for sharing, very inspiring. Be well.

Thank you and hang in there my friend :-) cheering you on all the way from Thailand. And welcome to the channel.

You got this! 🥰❤️🙏🏻

Beautiful quote my friend 😊

Sadhu Sadhu 😊😊 thank you so much Trisha

Yesss! You got it 😊😊😊

Then you will find yourself looking for another job because you are different.

I want to start off by saying that I believe we meet kindreds through our lives. In many different ways, forms and for many different lengths of time. When I find people who share similar stories to mine, I know they’re a kindred. I also was the 111 like on your comment 🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s a sign to me. I grew up a southern baptist preacher’s daughter and felt so much like I had to be perfect. I had to be the best Christian I could be, because one, my father was the preacher and two, because God was watching me all the time and I had to be good to get to heaven. My dad left when I was a teenager and it sent my life into a whirlwind. I didn’t know up from down, or what was what. I made a lot of poor choices for many years of my life and chose to turn my back on my religion and everything I thought I knew. I chose atheism for a bit and didn’t want anything to do with any sort of “higher power” or ways of thinking. I was very much in the moment, but at the same time, lost in the trauma. I was depressed and suicidal for many years. I was on medication and went to therapy. I married the absolute wrong person, but had a beautiful daughter I adore, and got divorced when she was very young. Things got worse and I could only carry on for my daughter. Some days, it took all I had just to get moving. A few years ago, I had an awakening. I realized that Life is what it is, and that I can choose how I react to it and how I move forward. I was so controlled by my emotions, but kind of like a light switch being flicked, I suddenly remembered I was much more than the feelings that pass through me. I don’t have to attach to them, because they aren’t me. Only a part of my human experience. I’m so happy for you that you have found who you are and are living in your integrity. It’s the ultimate freedom!

sadhu sadhu. thank you so much Mary Ann 🙂🙂 and welcome to the channel. Glad you're here.

Thank you so much my friend :) I hope you have a speedy recovery.

Oh wow. yes I can definitely relate to you. When things improve, feel free to come visit us for meditation or ordination in thailand :)

@@nickkeomahavong01 Thank you. I am looking into it now

Agree with you George! I like this Covid-19 “lifestyle”, too. I don’t want things to go back to “normal”. Earth is suffering and this virus is a humanity reset. Thank you 🦠!

@@onlyinparadise4613 I understand completely

I am actually enjoying this covid "lifestyle" as well. I feel a lot more peaceful, I enjoy the quiet, and I love the anonymity that the mask brings when I'm in public.

Me too, dear person. 🫂 I need ideas on how to pull me out of the past and be more present. I feel shameful and guilty because I haven't been able to let go of resentment and anger about my childhood. Surely it can get better, though! I hope life is getting easier for you and anyone else out there struggling. 💙

@@randomazed don't waste your precious emo energy feeling shameful & guilty!

Me as well… Im 44 and still learning how to love myself and connect with my inner being. Im also dedicated to teaching my sweet empathetic 11 yr old son that he is okay just the way the Universe intended him to be and he will find his way in this world as long as he is true to himself.

Sadhu Sadhu 😊😊 thank you so much my friend.

sadhu sadhu. thank you so much Sarah 🙂🙂🙂

You're welcome. Thank you so much :-)

Society never will, so the lesson is for you to accept yourself and thrive.

If my understanding is correct, your wish to be shown more appreciation as it pertains to introverts such as yourself and myself is a desire. And From Desire there is suffering. For me it is not about acceptance. We are the yin and yang. We are the trough and crest that makes the wave. The crest doesn't accept or reject the trough. And the trough doesn't accept or reject the crest. They go together. Yet in some ways they are always separate. But the combination is what makes the wave. At least that's how I see it. I may be incorrect and am always open to more understanding. I hope you have a fulfilled life.

Awww beautiful Laura. Thank you so much and I'm glad its helpful 🙂🙂🙂Please tell your son hello and that he has nothing to worry about and simply do his best. Being a good, kind, compassionate person is something more important.

☺️

Thank you so much Marie for sharing. I can definitely relate :-)

I get you

Exactly

You're welcome michael :) thank you and i'm glad it resonates with you.

Thank you so much mai. And congratulations on your schooling. That is wonderful news and a big relief. You are in an incredible place. In the beginning of your career simply just try everything without putting too much pressure on yourself. At this point he don't know what will resonate with you the most. So my suggestion would be to try everything and pay attention to what makes you feel alive and follow the alive feeling. I worked in all types of setting and eventually it led me into working with addictions which I love. So just be open to learning pursue that a life feeling and allow it to take you where it needs to go naturally :-) I hope that helps

i don't want to turn this to myself but this was so strange to read because it describes absolutely the same position o am in right now, accept i'm 22 yrs old, also realizing i'm not sure how to pursue psychology without working in office settings or institutions whose values i don't share. I'm glad to see you're feeling like you're at the start of a new and better chapter and i wish you the best ❤️ i would love to hear what choices you make! and thank you Nick for the advice which speaks to me too 🤗

meditate 💖 its changed my life

Hello Mai, hope you're keeping well. If you could pin a point in time which you would say is the cause of the unfulfilment, depression etc could you? I'm not sure I could've when I went through something like that. I would argue it begins earlier than we realise. There is certainly some social/peer pressure trying to caress us into areas the system has laid out for us. That force is being met by some kind of resistance within you, and you can feel that right? I was sooo tired of the human cycle/pattern and thought there was more meaning to it, I felt like it all failed me, it's not until you're on the other side you appreciate and accept it. I practiced eradicating my desires, this helped me understand suffering goes hand in hand with how much you desire, lacking the thing you're chasing if anything. Some time after I stopped chasing, stopped thinking there was something to be had outside of myself, became content in a present state. Unlearning the unnatural, seeing things in a raw, simple way. We are dependant on things external to ourselves, provides us with relativity. I know who/where I am relative to someone else and so on. Hope you get to read this. Likewise to anyone else, I'm open to discussions on it as you may know/inspire me toward something new.

I'm in a similar position and our names might rhyme too! I went into psychology, started working with kids to learn more about their child psychology and realized it would not be as fun to sit in an office all day and talk about people's problems.. I think there are enough people sitting in offices. We need more people that can express their passions the way they want to. I'm still working with kids AND following my crafty passion by starting a business. Thing have not gone as planned to say the least, but I can say that I'm happy. Best of luck to you if you're reading this

It's a pleasure. Thank you so much 😊

🙂🙂🙂

That is because they suffer the emptiness of not being true to themselves, so they are lonely, bereft of even their own self.

Requiring the approval of others to feel complete is a mental illness imo. Completely rejecting the approval of others is as well imo.

Run, leave. Toxic people try to make us sick. Be you.

Wonderful. Thank you so much michael. I'm glad it resonates :)

Awww thank you for sharing my friend. It's ok and it's normal. Just honor your current situation and hold it neutrally for the moment :)

I'm glad this video resonates with you my friend :)

sadhu sadhu. thank you so much 🙂🙂🙂glad you enjoyed it.

Oh interesting...

Thank you so much for sharing, it helps to know that there's more people feeling the same as me.

I feel similarly. My therapist is still learning (she’s older but hasn’t been in this role very long), and lately she’s been missing the mark. She’s only doing what makes sense to her, what she believes will be most helpful to me. Maybe she has unconscious biases or is unable to truly put herself in my shoes, sometimes, but doesn’t know that. She and I are both learning many things from each other during our counselor-client relationship, often based on navigating this relationship instead of purely about the content of the therapy work (for me at least). I’m considering becoming a counselor myself some day. She has at times helped me a lot, and other times demonstrated what not to do, or what to do better. I like to think that every counselor might be open to learning from each client. (So maybe a more experienced counselor is preferable)

@@90MysteriumFascinans why will she have a bias against you ? If she is helping you ?

@@maxd3783 she generally does really well (in my view) of not having a bias, and striving to help. But if I’m struggling greatly and not progressing, as I was for a couple months recently, her approach to helping me felt as though it was based in judgment- instead of empathy, it felt that she was asking me why I was failing, and that each appointment was a review of how I was failing to do what should be very easy, instead of asking why. Of course, I understand that the lens I view the situation through may not be perfectly clear. Maybe it was more my own insecurities. But I know that if she had focused on the “why,” I would have felt that I had a better advocate. We got into a the same repetitive pattern every appointment, and she seemed like she didn’t understand and instead of trying to, just kept assuming I was not moving forward because I didn’t want to. I was severely depressed, so it didn’t feel like a choice. She didn’t talk to me about why I was depressed, and help me through it. (This had to do with my ‘inability’ to do my schoolwork, and it got to the point where I was embarrassed to tell her what was going on, and the appointment felt almost useless altogether)

Thank you so much my friends. Greetings to you from Thailand :-) hope you're doing well.

@@nickkeomahavong01 is there a god in Buddhism?.

@@tristanbulluss9386 lord buddha. Nepal lumbini kapilbastu. Son of Maya devi. The enlighted one i would like to say more than god.

@@tristanbulluss9386 Short answer there is no God in Buddhism, that answer above this is wrong. Buddha was not a God or did not see himself a one. Buddhism is about finding the inner peace, be aware around your surrounding, many cultures has different way of seen this, but the common one is enlightened or awaken human. For ex: Everything you see in the video is a sign to understand Buddhism the awakening one. Buddhism is not a religion.

@@suppien hay do you know how to change the file you're saving stuff on yawcam back to default?. I tried google it but I'm not getting any answers.

😊😊

Thank you, right back atcha 🙏🦄

Thank you for taking the time to give encouragement. The same for you too & blessing to come to you.

Thank You the same to you too!! 🙏😊

Yes, being comfortable in your own skin is definitely ideal :-)

Wow I really resonate with curling up with a book and having 1 friend over for tea. That sounds fantastic 😊

YESSSS!

Beautiful

Thank you so much. I'm glad it resonates with you :-)

Who else could be you the way you do. ✨✨✨shine!

sadhu sadhu. thank you so much theresa 🙂🙂🙂 That made me smile. Yes please keep doing your work. It's important :)

@@nickkeomahavong01 another day, & I’m going to be watching your channel every morning, to ensure I can build a healthy routine. I recognized my triggers and the behaviors I exhibit on a daily basis. But my therapist didn’t tell me that either?! I wish you provided sessions virtually (aka if you do let me know). Thank you again. ✨

☺️☺️

Yes our temperament can be so different :-)

That is so wonderful to hear Lucy. I'm glad it was helpful. Thank you so much. Hope you're doing well :-)

Wonderful. Keep it up 😊😊

Wow that's wonderful to hear. Thank you so much Lisa. I'm glad it's helpful 😊😊

Wonderful :-)

You’re welcome ☺️

🙂🙂

☺️☺️

Thank you so much Timothy. It's great to hear from a practitioner in the mental health field. Where do you practice?

@@nickkeomahavong01 I’m based out of Hamilton, Ontario in Canada but due to COVID I’m practicing online and working with people globally. 🙏🏼

@@TimothyGordon oh wow. That's wonderful. I hope to visit Canada one day 😊 and that's wonderful you can help more people online. Keep up the great work tim.

@@nickkeomahavong01 thank you my friend. Please if you plan on coming to Canada; let me know. We’d be happy to host you and show you around our corner. :)

@@TimothyGordon wonderful. Thank you so much 😊😊

Thank you so much my friend 😊

Hello, I know it may not be feasible to most people with full time jobs, families, etc.. But if you can find time, anytime at all, to work on your passion, eventually you will reach a point where you can start profiting from it. Then as you start to see how it could realistically support you, slowly start transitioning out of your office job and into your full time passion. Again, I know it sounds like crazy talk, but I'm trying it out and it's working so far! Best of luck to you

@@cosmicrais Thats not crazy-thats smart

I do UX and UI design. It is a creative field and comes with good salary and benefits too if you are in the right company. Have you considered this as an option?

Hi Rai

Feel free to reach out to me about this. Maybe I can help you.

Thank you so much my friend. I think its about finding the right medium. When I create these videos, I'm by myself which is great. haha. I prefer this instead of sharing to a live audience. It's much more simple :)

I don't see the irony. He said he likes in-depth discussion. He's sharing intimate experience and speaking alone.

@@cassietang8130 it can be challenging to put yourself out there on the internet.

@@kayligo that's true too

Sadhu Sadhu 😊😊 thank you leandro

Wonderful 😊

Thank you so much ella. I'm glad it resonates with you. Just be patient and kind to yourself. Everything will be ok :)